Archer (season 8)

Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 - Vice 6 7 8 - Dreamland | Main The following is a list of quotes from the eighth season Archer Dreamland. Archer Dreamland: No Good Deed [8.01] Lana: What sort of daily expenses does a semi-private investigator incur? Archer: Bullets? Lana: Daily. Archer: Or, I don't know, maybe a surf and turf dinner at the Polo Lounge? Lana: Uh-huh? Archer: And then maybe a room upstairs at the Beverly Hills hotel? Lana: Uh-huh. Archer: And then, maybe... Lana: I'm gonna leave you here. Between hope and despair. Pam: Everything is my business. Archer: Oh, including white slavery? Pam: What? Archer: Those girls are tied up, asshole. Pam: No they're not, they're just...aww dog dicks. Archer: Yeah, so... Pam: Uhhh, wouldn't it be "yellow slavery?" Archer: [gasps in disbelief] Uh, I don't know, racist! Pam: White slavery is just as racist! Archer: WHAT?? Pam: Nooo, you know, if you differentiate between cotton-picking slavery- Archer: Jesus Christ! Pam: -and then white slavery then that's- Archer: SEXUAL slavery, then. Pam: Okayyyy! Archer: Goddammit. Pam: My point is I think we're both anti-slavery. Pam: I don't know what the hell you're going to do. Archer: Well, that makes two of us! Archer Dreamland: Berenice [8.02] Archer: Heiresses to fortunes like your family's don't fake their own deaths. They murder their parents and blame it on some poor Hispanic or Negro. Cheryl: Yes, I thought about that, but I don't know any Hispanics or Negroes. Archer: No, they make up the Hispanic or Negro. Cheryl: I honestly wouldn't know where to begin. Cheryl: Oh my God, you have a crush on her! Archer: What?! No I don't, I... Cheryl: Yes you do! That was the cutest thing! And I think SHE has a crush on YOU. Archer: No, she...wait, really? Cheryl: Absolutely! Archer: Why - why - why do you think that? Did she -- Cheryl: Just admit that you like her! Archer: Well, yeah, of course I -- Cheryl: [yells to room] Hey! Yeah! Me and him, we just f*****d!! Archer Dreamland: Jane Doe [8.03] Archer: I realize that a segregated service is just crazy, especially given what we were fighting for over there, but - Cliff: Oh now you got a "but." Archer: ...if you think about it, the most racist thing would be, if, whenever there was a war, we only sent negroes. Floyd: WOW. Verl: Words fail me. Archer: Look, I know you cops have to check your weapons up front, and there's five of us and only one of you, so... Pam: So who wants their ass beat first? And before you decide, keep in mind that I'm gradually goin' to get more tired, but also gradually more berserker. Archer Dreamland: Ladyfingers [8.04] Archer: I really wish we hadn't have done that. Pam: I can never unsee him naked. Archer: I mean, the size of that thing. Pam: Hollow that big bastard out and you can use it as an umbrella stand. Cecil: I'm afraid I'm going to ask for proof that you actually have Charlotte. Archer: What kind of -- wait. Oh no. Cecil: Yes, I'm afraid I require...a finger. Archer: Uh, I could bring you her! Just drive by the house, she could wave to you. Cecil: Ummmm, nope. Archer: I...that's...then how 'bout a photo of her holding today's newspaper? Cecil: Ummmm, well now that could work! Archer: Yeah! Cecil: Just make sure that she's holding the newspaper with nine fingers. Archer: Ugh, goddammit. Archer Dreamland: Sleepers Wake [8.05] Cyril/Figgis: As the Lord our God Himself is my witness, upon the conclusion of my current business, I shall return to this place, and visit upon you an apocalypse of such terror and destruction that you will rue, RUE, the very fact of your miserable birth!! Coroner: [munches on hot dog] I'll be here! Charlotte/Cheryl: You're not planning to blindfold me and hide me in a bomb shelter with limited oxygen and send my family cryptic notes about how to find me in a race against time for my life? Mother/Malory: Who are you, collective pseudonym Carolyn Keene? Charlotte/Cheryl: What? Mother/Malory: Who would go through all that trouble? Charlotte/Cheryl: Johann Schmidt, a.k.a The Red Skull in my Nazi kidnap/rape fantasy. Mother/Malory: Ewwww. Len Trexler: You say that with the confidence of a man who has a lot longer to live. Dutch Dylan/Barry: Are you kidding? Dreamland has a whole goddamn Nazi robot farm in the basement. In THIS economy! Archer Dreamland: Waxing Gibbious [8.06] Poovey: Oh, Come on, white? divorced?, cop? Access to a firearm? Cuckold? Statistically, you're already dead. Archer Dreamland: Gramercy, Halberd! [8.07] Trexler: Get me out of here alive, and the ransom money and we'll call it even, = Archer: Okay, you know what? [swerves] Laugh it up, laughers. Since you like jokes so goddamn much... [swerves and throws Dutch off his motorcycle] Hahahaha. Oh hey, did you hear the one about - [drives car over Dutch] Everyone: Oh my God. Lana: Archer, wait! Archer: Or the one about - [drives car over Dutch again] Lana: Archer! Archer: Or here's one! Knock knock? [drives car over Dutch again] Archer: Typical! Typical typical typical typical! Lana: What could possibly have been typical about that?! Archer: ME! I always do shit like this. Poovey: Like what? Archer: All I wanted to do was find out who killed my partner Woodhouse, and the next thing I know I've disappeared up my own asshole, and I'm manumitting sex slaves and grossly abusing corpses and trying to source a finger for some weird psychosexual kidnapping, and then, to top off all the bullshit, getting chased by GODDAMN ROBOTS!! I mean, [beep] halberts, Jesus Christ!! Archer Dreamland: Auflösung [8.08] Krieger: You're better than this! You don't have to be a killer. You can use your powers for the good of all mankind! Dutch/Barry: Yeah, I could, but I was a murderer before you turned me into a freak so I don't know why you thought this was gonna have a happy ending. Lana: Hurry up! Poovey: Jesus! You people would stand in a bread line and ask for toast. Charlotte: Wait, there's toast? Mother: WHY would there be toast!?! Charlotte: Why WOULDN'T there be? External links Category:Archer (2009 TV series) seasons