The Curse of the Jade Scorpion

The Curse of the Jade Scorpion is a 2001 film about an insurance investigator and an efficency expert who are both hypnotized by a crooked hypnotist with a jade scorpion into stealing jewels. Directed and written by Woody Allen. LOVE STINGS. THE END. C. W. Briggs I hate her just like I hate that German chancellor with the mustache. My clergyman - who happens to be wanted for pederasty - will vouch for me. It's a match made in heaven... by a retarded angel. A lot of women have passed through this apartment. I can't say they were all winners, but... The New York City Police want to give me a lifetime achievement award. Betty Ann Fitzgerald You don't have a kosher bone in your body. You hate any woman that doesn't have a double digit IQ. Jill Gosh, all this passion in a lousy insurance office! Dialogue Al: [Watching Jill walk away]'' My God, that girl's got a body that won't quit! C.W.: Quit? It won't take five minutes off for a coffee break. C. W.: They say I always get my man. Laura: Me, too. C.W.: There's a deck of cards with naked women on it. Laura: Let me guess, you use it to play solitaire. C.W.: I used to date the six of spades. Betty Ann: So what, you always get your kicks fondling women's shoes? C.W.: Once in a while I'll fondle a whole woman. Betty Ann: You're searching my desk! C. W.: I wasn't searching. I was rummaging. Betty Ann: You misunderstand me. I dreamed you and I finally wound up together. Chris: That's funny because I didn't hear any screaming. Laura: I'll slip into something a little bit more comfortable. Wait for me in bed. C.W.: More comfortable than that? What are you gonna put on, Jergens lotion? Chris: You know, there's a word for people who think everyone is conspiring against them. C. W.: I know, perceptive. Betty Ann: You wormy little ferret! C. W.: Now, you're mixing metaphors. Cast Woody Allen - C. W. Briggs Helen Hunt - Betty Ann Fitzgerald Dan Aykroyd - Chris Magruder Brian Markinson - Alvin "Al" Wallace Shawn - George Bond David Ogden Stiers - Voltan Charlize Theron - Laura Kensington Elizabeth Berkley - Jill Peter Gerety - Ned John Schuck - Mize External links The Curse of the Jade Scorpion Category:2001 American films Category:2001 English-language films Category:Comedy films Category:Films directed by Woody Allen Category:Screenplays by Woody Allen