Rumpole of the Bailey

thumb|Lawyers and tarts, Miss Trant, the two oldest professions in the world, and we always aim to please! Rumpole of the Bailey is a British television series created and written by the British writer and barrister John Mortimer. It starred Leo McKern as Horace Rumpole, a middle-aged London barrister who defended a broad variety of clients, often underdogs. The popularity of the TV series led to the stories being presented in other media, including books and radio. Quotes Horace Rumpole: [of his wife, Hilda] She who must be obeyed. Taken from H. Rider Haggard's She (1886; 1887) Horace Rumpole: [of Phyllida] The Portia of our Chambers. Season 1 1. Rumpole and the Younger Generation Nick Rumpole [to his father, Horace]: Go on, Watson, you interest me strangely. Fred Timson: It's, uh, young Jim's first, uh, appearance, like, at the Bailey. Horace Rumpole: [to himself] Ah, his Bar Mitzvah, his First Communion! Mr Justice Everglade: I imagine your client says he was not ejusdem generis with the other lads. Horace Rumpole: Ejusdem generis, my Lord? Oh yes, he's always saying that. Ejusdem generis is a phrase in constant use in his part of Brixton. 2. Rumpole and the Alternative Society Horace Rumpole: [describing his marriage] I had no choice in the matter at all. I was called up to marriage like military service. Her father was head of chambers. He gave me to understand what was expected of me. Bobby Dogherty: He says you'll find lime juice and soda has a potent little kick in it. Horace Rumpole: The kick of a mouse in carpet slippers, I should imagine. 3. Rumpole and the Honourable Member Rumpole: [to himself] Go into court on a rape — it's like stepping into a refrigerator with the light off. All the men are thinking of their daughters; all the women are sitting with their knees jammed together! Hilda Rumpole: You know why Erica went home, don't you? ... She didn't much like the questions that you asked in court; she thought they were tasteless. Horace Rumpole: Distasteful. Hilda Rumpole: What? Horace Rumpole: That's the word: distasteful. They have trouble with English, you know. 4. Rumpole and the Married Lady Horace Rumpole: Lawyers and tarts, Miss Trant, the two oldest professions in the world, and we always aim to please! Horace Rumpole: An Englishman's gin bottle is his castle. Phyllida Trant: We don't have to prove cruelty, do we, Mr Rumpole? It's "intolerable conduct" since the Divorce Law Reform Act, 1969. Horace Rumpole: [to himself] It's not the frivolity that makes women intolerable. It's the ghastly enthusiasm — that mustard keenness to get into the lacrosse team, that relentless drive to learn the Divorce Law Reform Act by heart. That, and the French perfume. Hilda Rumpole: You're going to seed. You can't even keep a divorce case going. Horace Rumpole: [to Hilda] Do you know why my divorce case collapsed under me? The clients were reconciled. [to himself] Because how ever awful it is, how ever silent and unendurable it is, how ever much they may hate each others' guts over the three-piece chintz-covered lounge suite, they can't stand to be alone. [to Hilda] Isn't that strange, Hilda? They'd rather have war together than a lonely peace. 5. Rumpole and the Learned Friends Horace Rumpole: The flu is a disease with endless possibilities. [Rumpole is ill in bed and Hilda is taking his temperature] Hilda Rumpole: Rumpole, you're not normal. Horace Rumpole: I'm dying. Hilda Rumpole: Nonsense! What did Doctor Hanson say it was? Horace Rumpole: Death. He says there's a lot of it about. [Rumpole's illness is interrupted by news of a safe-blowing case] Hilda Rumpole: I thought you were dying. Horace Rumpole: Dying will have to be postponed. Safe-blowing comes first. [Guthrie Featherstone is leading Rumpole in the case] Guthrie Featherstone: Of course I'll mitigate. Horace Rumpole: Mitigate? "My Lord, my client only went in to buy a seven-penny stamp. But as he was kept waiting by ten old ladies with pension books, he lost his patience and blew the safe." Horace Rumpole: I'm not exactly doing your case. Charlie Wheeler: Oh, you're not? Horace Rumpole: No, your case is being handled by Mr. Guthrie Featherstone, QC, MP, whose name is constantly mentioned in the corridors of power. Horace Rumpole: Here, I give you a toast. Here's to our future. Hilda Rumpole: The future! Horace Rumpole: Which now shows every sign of being exactly like our past. External links Category:UK TV shows