The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (season 5)

Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 | Main The following is a list of quotes from the fifth season of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. What's Will Got to Do With It? (1) [5.1] Man: What does this contract say? Will: Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Man: That's right. Not Philadelphia. Bel-Air. Will: Well, you see-- Man: Get in the van! [The man throws Will into the van] Man: Yo, homes, to Bel-Air. Philip: I'm going to be watching you like a shadow! Will: With you, it would be more of an eclipse, huh? The Client (2) [5.2] Reality Bites [5.3] Will: I mean Dougie loves everything. People, am I the only one who sees a problem with this? (singing) I love bugs and I love death. I love oozing flesh wounds! Will: Yeah, where is Carlton? He had better have a good reason for standing Nicky up. Carlton: Will locked me in the closet! (Will sits at the kitchen table, Hilary enters the kitchen and throws a newspaper on the table) Hilary: Look at this. Will (reading newspaper): "Powerful earthquake rattles northern coast." Hilary: Oh, boo-hoo. (turns paper over and points to page): This. Will: "Television personality Leeza Gibbons was shocked to learn that the woman attempting to vandalize her car was none other than rival talk show host, Hilary Banks." Hilary: (groans) Will: "Banks, seen here, wielding a potato..." Hilary: Wielding? I was not wielding, I was rubbing. I rubbed that damn potato all over Leeza's car and it didn't even make a scratch. At least they didn't catch me putting my keys in her exhaust pipe. Will: Hilary, you were supposed to- never mind. Hilary (aiming video camera at television to record Leeza Gibbons' show): Geoffrey?! Geoffrey?!! Geoffrey!!! Geoffrey: You rang, Miss Hilary? Hilary: I have been calling you for fifteen minutes. Didn't you hear me? Geoffrey: Yes, but I so rarely have a woman scream my name. I was rather enjoying it. Grumpy Young Men [5.4] Carlton (comes in the kitchen with his hands on the top of his head): Did you just put super glue in my hair gel? Will: That's what you get for stealing my girl. Carlton: I didn't have to steal her. She was bored with you, so that she has to come to a real man. Will: So, what you're saying is that I'm not a real man? Carlton: You got that right. It's like this "Hey, baby, (doing his pelvic thrust) pap, pap, stuff". It worked in high school, but now, it's just embarrassing! Will: Take it easy there, stumpy. Carlton: And you know what? I'm also getting tired of the short jokes. I'm average height. Will: For a woman! Carlton: I'm large enough for Valerie. Fresh Prince: The Movie [5.5] Will: Uncle Phil. Hey man, what are you doing here? Philip: I'll tell you what I'm doing here. Years ago, I fell in love with and married a wonderful woman named Vivian. Vivian had a sister named Vy. Vy gave birth to a child named Will, whose sole purpose in life is to make mine a living Hell! Now, you have done a lot to me these last 4 years, but how you managed to have me ripped out of my wonderful life in Bel-Air and relocated to this landfill boggles my mind! Will: Look, Jazz, I just don't feel comfortable telling you anymore, man. Who knows? Your life could be in danger. Jazz: What life? I'm a married man. Mob Killer: If I were you, I'd run. Will: If you were me, you'd be good looking. Will's Misery [5.6] Carlton: You can't understand and respect women because you're not in touch with your feminine side. Will: And you know what your problem is? You're not in touch with anybody's feminine side. Father Knows Best [5.7] Will: (to Ashley) Don't tell me, 'cause if I know I can't say that I don't know when you get busted and Uncle Phil starts rounding up the usual suspects. And I am the usual suspects. Miss Sharpe: Come closer. Will: Heyyyyyyyy. Miss Sharpe: That's a fake mustache. Will: No, it's not! Miss Sharpe [takes off the mustache off]: Yes, it is! Will: No, it's not! Miss Sharpe: Look, I don't know who you are, but I'm calling your real parents right now. Ashley: Will... Will: It's not! (Carlton and Hilary fight over the pronounce of Porsche) Carlton: It's pronunciated Porsche! Hilary: Paw-shuh! Carlton: Porsche! Hilary: Paw-shuh! (some minutes later the two they fight again over this time the pronunciation of Saint Tropez) Hilary: San-trow pay! Carlton: Saint Tropez! Sooooooooul Train [5.8] (Will sees Carlton dancing.) Will: Carlton, what's wrong? Are you having a Malox moment? Carlton: I'm getting ready for Soul Train. I believe there's dancing involved. Will: Two things. One: That's not dancing. And two: I'd appreciate it if you stayed away from the show. Carlton: And why, pray tell, is that? Will: Again, two things, Carlton. One: Because you say stuff like "pray tell". And two: You're gonna embarrass me when I become the new co-host. Will: You see, Soul Train's been looking for a co-host for months, and so far no one's worked out. Carlton: And they're gonna give you the job based on your love for Don Cornelius dolls? Will: [annoyed] It's not a doll, it's an action figure! And you've got no business being on the Soul Hyundai, let alone the Soul Train. Love Hurts [5.9] (After scuffle in Bowling alley) Lisa: Will, I've been meaning to tell you that I'm a-- Will: A what!? A Power Ranger!? Lisa: No, I've been studying self-defense. Did I do something wrong? Will: Yes, you did. I was just about to retaliate. Lisa: Baby, you were on the floor. Will: That's how I fight! Lisa: Let's just get back to the game. Will: Fine! (Will attempts to roll the ball, but it slips and hits another man in the chest.) (Jazz pulls out a small thin book from his pocket) Jazz [to Will]: I give you... The Hoodlum Pages. Okay, let's see here. (Jazz flips through the pages) Jazz: Counterfeiters... Extortionists... Car Salesmen... Ah, here. Guys who take dives... (Jazz hands Will the book and he scans the page.) Will: Wait, wait, wait. So you're telling me, that this guy will let someone hit him ten times for $40? Jazz: Mention this ad and he'll throw in a head-butt. Will: Oh, okay, so this dude come down to the Peacock, stir up a little fray, I take him down and Lisa and everybody think I'm a hero. Aight, thanks, man. Hey, by the way, where'd you get this? Jazz: I stole it. Will's Up a Dirt Road [5.10] Will: I call it, "Celebrity Houses, At Night!" News Publisher: Hmm, very interesting. Will: Cause see, here's Bob Barker drinking some coffee in the bathroom. News Publisher: Er... Will: And here's Gene Simmons frying his underwear on a barbecue grill. News Publisher: Um, that's lovely. Will: And here's Jay Leno pouring some coffee in the sewer. News Publisher: Oh, my god! Will Steps Out [5.11] Lisa: Will? Will (wearing a fat suit): Well, it ain't Fat Albert! Same Game, Next Season [5.12] Hilary: What kind of idiot picks a password no one can guess? Three's a Crowd [5.13] It's a Wonderful Lie [5.14] Philip: What are you thinking about? Vivian: I'm just trying to recall what it felt like to be 15. Philip: It was so long ago, how could you remember? [Vivian scowls at her husband] Philip: I'm just so upset, I'm saying things I don't even mean. Ashley: You know something? This is all your fault. Will: What is that, like the theme of this family? "When in doubt, blame Will." Bullets Over Bel-Air [5.15] Nicky: Why do you shave and Ashley doesn't? Will: Well, you know, because guys grow beards and some women don't. Will: (after being shot at the bank) Hey, don't be looking at me like that. Y'all know ain't no little bullet gonna stop me. Although, I will be doing my banking by mail from now on. Knowing my luck, I might run into a disgruntled postal worker. Philip: We can see Will, but we have to go right home after that. Vivian: Why? Philip: Well, apparently we're driving the nursing staff crazy. (Hilary and a nurse walk into the room) Hilary: I don't understand. I'm just a visitor. Why do I need medication? And what is Prozac anyway? Do you think I need this? I feel fine. A Decent Proposal [5.16] Lisa: Will, you can be so stupid! Will: Well, stupid is as stupid does! Lisa: What does that have to do with anything? Will: I don't know but the movie made a billion dollars. Jazz: [defibrillator on hand] Check it out, Will. I'm the black dude on ER. Lisa: Jazz, that's not a toy. Jazz: It doesn't have to be a toy to be fun. Check this out. Clear! [he shocks himself, and is sent rolling through the hallway] Lisa: (to Philip) Have you ever crushed anyone? (Geoffrey appears; by now he would say something snarky about Philip's weight, but Phil glares at him and he leaves) Vy: (about Will marrying Lisa) WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT??? Geoffrey: (enters suddenly, skipping and singing) Got to do with it! Got to do with it! Will is From Mars... [5.17] Dr. Whitehorn: Hello, George. Wheezie. George: Hey, Whitey. Dr. Whitehorn: That's, uh -- That's Dr. Whitehorn. George: Yeah, yeah, Horny. Where do you want me to sit? Wheezie: Well? George: Well, what? Wheezie: He said to name three things you like about me. George: Fine. Your mother died. Your mother's dead. Your mother ain't livin' no more. (Will laughs then coughs when he sees Lisa glaring at him) The Wedding Show (Psyche!) [5.18] Slum Like It... Not! [5.19] As the Will Turns [5.20] Will: I'm Young and I'm Restless. And I've only got One Life to Live, so I've got to follow my Guiding Light and search for tomorrow. Save the Last Trance for Me [5.21] Will: Uncle Phil, be honest. When Aunt Viv was pregnant with Carlton, did she... (imitates someone drinking.) Will: Carlton, are you sure Aunt Viv didn't... (imitates someone drinking.) Great Mentos: May I have a volunteer. Carlton: Oh, pick me, oh Great Mentos, pick me! Will: Oh, shoot me, oh Great Mentos, shoot me! (Philip barks) Will: (to Vivian) Hey, hey, hey. Look, I'll walk him but somebody else gonna have to pooper-scoop. To Thine Own Self Be Blue... and Gold [5.22] Cold Feet, Hot Body [5.23] Denise:(walks into kitchen) Surprise! Will: (sees her and screams) AAAAHHHH!!! (Lisa stares at him) Will: I feel good! Will: Alright, I'll do you- IT! I'll do it... I mean, I'll give you a ride- OOH!! Will: (to Denise) We ain't gonna let you walk no 11 miles. Where's Nicky's skateboard? Will: (to Carlton) There's a beautiful woman talking to me, but I don't expect you to understand that! Will: Yo, Carlton, people are complaining there ain't no bacon on the BLT's. Carlton: Well, where’s the law that says the "B" has to stand for "bacon"? Read the damn sign! Will: Bread, lettuce and tomato!? Love in an Elevator [5.24] Stripper: Geoffrey? But you told me your name was Will. Geoffrey: No, I said I was will-ing. For Whom the Wedding Bells Toll [5.25] [Will and Carlton poke through the gifts] Will: Oooh, I wonder what's in here? [drops and breaks the gift] Carlton: Probably something that has to be replaced. Will: Looka here, looka here. Look at these cute little money-sized envelopes. [extracts cash] BOOM-BYA! This is one of my favorite presents: Ben Franklin! [to the $100 bill] Excuse me, Ben, allow me to show you to your seat... [inserts the bill into his back pocket and spanks it] Will: (last line of the season) Y'all come back now, y'hear? External links Category:The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air seasons