Toytown

Toytown is the name given to a series of radio plays written by S.G. Hulme Beaman and broadcast by the BBC from 1929 to 1932, 28 of which regularly repeated on Children's Hour until 1964, by which point it had expanded into a media franchise. Although he was not the main character of the original works, Larry the Lamb became the main character, together with his clever sidekick, Dennis the Dachshund. Each story involves Ernest the Policeman, the disgruntled Mr Growser and the Mayor. thumb|I’ll do my little best. I can’t say more than that, can I? thumb|Oh, come, come, Officer, don’t be so touchy! thumb|I’ve a very good mind to take your name and address. You move along now, and move smartish! thumb|It’s disgraceful! It ought not to be allowed! thumb|What I says is: when you are playing a game always act sportsman-like. How the Wireless Came to Toytown Dennis: But that in a puddle he should wish to roll? Tut, tut, once so dignified he was! Larry: You never can tell. I knew a most respectable rabbit who simply loved to make mud pies. But, you’d never have guessed it to look at him, Dennis. The Mayor’s Sea Voyage Doctor: Ha! Hum! What have you been eating? Mayor of Toytown: Oh, the usual Christmas dinner. Doctor: How many helpings of turkey? Mayor: Er… three. Doctor: With or without sausages? Mayor: With. I’m rather partial to sausages. Doctor: Ha! And then…? Mayor: I had two slices of Christmas pudding. Doctor: Hum. And after that…? Mayor: Some crystallised fruit, one or two almonds and raisins, a slice of pineapple, some preserved ginger, two apples, an orange and two Christmas crackers. They had very funny riddles in them; would you like to hear them? Larry: He [The Mayor] said he’d make a sample of you. I thought it was something horrid because he said it just after I’d told him everything you had been doing while he was away being shipwrecked. Ernest: YOU TOLD HIM WHAT! Look here, young fellow my lad, you’ve got altogether too much to say for yourself, that’s what’s the matter with you. I’ve a very good mind to take your name and address. You move along now, and move smartish! The Enchanted Ark Mr. Noah: Well, you know, Officer, I don’t think they [the animals] mean any harm. It’s just their high spirits. And I’m not so young as I was. I sometimes feel it’s rather too much for me keeping things going. And, I don’t like to be too severe: I must admit that I did lose my temper yesterday, and gave that crocodile a good smacking. But, it hurt me more than it hurt him. You see, he’s covered with hard, knobby lumps. The Arkville Dragon Larry: Oh no, of course not. Of course, everyone knows that you’re not a bit old. But I expect the dragon was grown up when you were small. He couldn’t have been a little boy dragon then, else he wouldn’t have breathed smoke. Coachman: And why not? Why shouldn’t a little boy dragon breathe smoke? Larry: Well, everyone knows that only grown-up people smoke. Little boys are not allowed to. It makes them sick. My friend Dennis tried to buy some cigarettes once, and they just wouldn’t serve him. Ernest: A joke’s a joke, you can tell him, and may be took as such, but playing practical jokes on the Police is trifling with the law, and a very serious matter. Many a person has had his name and address took for less. Larry the Plumber Larry: I say, Dennis! I don’t know how I can possibly manage any longer on only three pence a week pocket-money. I always spend that before Tuesday. You see, I’m so awfully fond of lollipops. The Toytown Treasure Mr. Growser: How many are there in your so-called Home, eh? Answer me that! Larry: Only one at present, Mr. Growser. But I am sure there must be a lot about if I could only find them. Mr. Growser: Ha! It’s a trick! I thought so; disgraceful! You come here asking for a penny, and all the time it’s a trick to enrich yourself. You ought to be ashamed of yourself! Mr. Growser: Concerned, sir! Concern? I am concerned about everything and everyone. I don’t suppose there was ever a man who was as worried and annoyed by everything and everyone as myself. Mayor of Toytown: Good gracious me. This is terrible! They’re going to blow up the Police Station. And the Constable is inside! You did quite right to tell me, my lamb, quite right! This is Mr. Growser’s revenge because the Constable would not let him have the document. The Great Toytown Mystery Most of the inhabitants, including the Mayor himself, are proud of this statue. But, there are some who say that it is not a bit like the Mayor; the Mayor never looks as dignified as his statue, and that in any case, he must be extremely conceited to have a life-size statue of himself set up in such a prominent position. The Extraordinary Affair of Ernest the Policeman thumb|…staring up at the stars and wondering how far they were. His boots went plod, plod in the dusty road, and he whistled a tune as he went, staring up at the stars and wondering how far they were. Mayor of Toytown: Well, what had we better do? Can anyone offer a suggestion? What is the best thing to do when a policeman has fallen into a hole? Mr. Growser: Let him stop there. Let him stop there, and get another policeman. The Portrait of the Mayor Mayor of Toytown: And what is this one meant to be? Larry: Oh please, Mr. Mayor, sir, that’s the Police Station after a disastrous fire. Ernest: Making fun of the Police, that’s what that is, your Worship. Mayor of Toytown: Oh, come, come, Officer, don’t be so touchy! I feel sure no one will recognise the Police Station. Ernest: There’s something in that, your Worship, but it’s disrespectful, all the same. Artist: Very awkward, indeed. When the Mayor finds out that this lamb can’t paint pictures, he’ll know the whole thing is a swindle. Dennis: Talk not so, Herr Artist, my friend! This was not a swindle, this was business. The Great Toytown War Mr. Growser: You ought to be ashamed of yourself, sir! Don’t you know we are fighting for the honour of Toytown? Magician: I thought we were fighting for the Mayor’s broken windows, but then I’m only an old magician. No doubt, I don’t understand these things. Larry: They just shut me up in a thing like a huge, big rabbit-hatch with wire netting round it. And, who do you think was sitting in the corner? The Captain of the Fort. His face had gone a pretty mauve colour, and he kept making funny spluttering noises with his mouth. He told me there was a war on, and that Toytown was certain to lose now he was interred. But, I didn’t mind because they gave us all sorts of nice things to eat. The Showing Up of Larry the Lamb Inventor: And I must invent a more permanent form of engine to make the car go. You two animals are only make-shifts. Larry: Oh yes, sir, we’ll make it shift all right. I expect we’ll make it go really fast. Won’t we, Dennis? The Kidnapping of Father Christmas, or Dirty Work at the Dog and Whistle Everyone, or at least nearly everybody in Toytown went to bed early that night, it being Christmas Eve. It is said that most people do so, because it seems to make the great festive day come more quickly. Regrettably, the build-up of excitement is such as to prevent a fair number of those wrapped in their blankets from readily dropping off to sleep. This, paradoxically, is probably more so with grown-ups than with their offspring. For children have in the main been running around in anticipation for days on end, and thus tend to be totally spent by the time Christmas Eve arrives. Or, so the theory goes. Mr. Noah’s Holiday Mayor of Toytown: And now, poles? Larry: Oh yes. Mr. Mayor sir, [Captain Higgins wants] poles twice as big as I am. Mr. Growser: Poles indeed! Such a thing would be a disgrace to the Town. What horrible idea has this man Higgins in his mind? Mayor of Toytown: You should have never have tried to make scouts of these animals, you know. They are not sufficiently respectable. Mr. Noah: OH, YES THEY ARE, Mr. Mayor! MOST RESPECTABLE! They are all very nice animals if they are left alone, and not deliberately led astray by others who should know better! Pistols for Two Mr. Growser: This is disgraceful! We have all come out here at great inconvenience to ourselves to see these two persons fight a duel to preserve their respective honour, and now it appears that neither has turned up. It ought not to be allowed! Dreadful Doings in Ark Street thumb|The Mayor has the audacity to actually call this Summer; he ought to be ashamed! Mr. Growser: Of course there’ll be snow. It’s that sort of disgraceful thing one has grown to expect in this town. Larry: Oh, but not when it’s nearly Summer, Mr. Growser sir. It ought really to be much warmer. Mr. Growser: That’s what makes it so disgraceful. The Mayor has the audacity to actually call this Summer; he ought to be ashamed! And now, instead of my roses opening out, my pipes are freezing up. Frightfulness at the Theatre Royal Larry: Oh, Mr. Manager, sir, I’ll try. I’ll do my little best. I can’t say more than that, can I? Punch: I should bang my wife Judy over the head with this stick, and throw the baby into the footlights. Ernest: Not while I’m Constable of Toytown, you won’t! The footlights don’t work too well as it is. Manager of Theatre Royal: Besides, the plays we give in this Theatre have always been refined. We don’t like that rowdy sort of humour here. And, I’m sure that his Worship the Mayor would not approve. Punch: The Mayor would scream with laughter, people always do. I’ve been giving performances all over the country ever since the baby was old enough to be banged over the head, and thrown into the footlights. So, I should know. Ernest: I thought the baby looked funny as soon as I saw it. Larry: Oh, Mr. Growser, sir, we have been looking for you everywhere. We wanted to see you urgently. Mr. Growser: Then look at me, Lamb; look at me while you have the opportunity. Golf (Toytown Rules) Dennis: Have you the clubs of the excellent Herr Kapitan Higgins returned? Larry: Oh, yes, Dennis, I have. But, I didn’t like doing it, particularly as Captain Higgins made a very funny noise when he saw them. Captain Higgins: ‘ere, ‘ere! What I says is: when you are playing a game always act sportsman-like. Not forgetting to make good any damage what ‘as been done to other people’s property, as you might say. What I mean is: when a gent kindly lends another gent a set of clubs… Tea for Two Mr. Growser: A man who makes it a habit of gorging himself on teas like this has no right to complain if starving citizens help themselves to it. Besides, he can’t possibly consume a tea like that without assistance. Mr. Growser Moves Mr. Growser: At the moment, I am unable to recall the name of a single tradesman who isn’t an incompetent bandit. The Brave Deed of Ernest the Policeman Dennis: Ach so, if to me at any time you should in great distress come, and cry: “Dennis, my friend, will you help me?” For to no one else I may go”… then I, Dennis the Dachshund, to the occasion would rise. Ernest: There’s nothing funny in trying to deceive the Police, Mr. Magician, sir. To waste the valuable time of the Police, or of the other emergency services for that matter, with gross misrepresentation of this magnitude is a serious crime. And, the culprits when uncovered and detained will be treated accordingly. There’s nothing funny about it whatsoever. Magician: There is. When the people down in the street hear it was only a stuffed dog, they will double up! They’ll roar their heads off! Ernest: Do you mean to say they’ll laugh at me? Magician: Laugh? You’ll never hear the last of it! Mr. Growser: Nothing of the sort, sir. It cost me sixpence also, and I consider that I have been defrauded. Such an entertainment should be free! The Conversion of Mr. Growser Magician: Don’t you mention that fellow’s name to me, sir! He’s an objectionable old man. I haven’t forgotten how he deliberately hustled me at your Christmas party last year when the refreshments were announced! Ernest: At the same time, we have to remember that it’s only Mr. Growser’s way. He doesn’t mean any harm, but he believes in speaking his mind. Mr. Growser: I was about to say, sir, that Toytown… in itself a most delightful town… is doubly blessed with its Mayor. Magician: I don’t see how you can make that out, Mr. Growser. It cannot be blessed twice over. Didn’t you learn arithmetic at your school? Ernest: Shame on you, Mr. Magician, sir! Didn’t you learn any manners at yours? Quotes about Toytown thumb|The most interesting thing about the Toytown broadcasts is that the children are happy to hear them over and over again. thumb|…and it says much for their inventor’s genius that these quaint wooden figures have more vitality than many of the “real” people one reads about in books. thumb|…and especially to that generation immediately preceding ours which would later find themselves so intimately entangled in the dangers and deprivations of World War Two… thumb|Toytown like so much that is best of radio, requires the mind and imagination of a listener - not a viewer. It is very encouraging to me to know that the Toytown tales are so popular and from what I hear in this neighbourhood, it appears that a lot of adults find amusement in them. But I don’t forget how much of their effect is due to the excellent way in which they are “put over”. S.G. Hulme Beaman, letter to Alan Howland, April 1930 Source Indeed, that an occasional Toytown broadcast might be very popular even in adult hours, perhaps in place of- well, never mind. "The Passer-By", Birmingham Daily Gazette, 8 February 1932 Toytown is such a classic now that one is apt to forget how it ever began, or that it ever began at all. It has persistently headed the votes for Request Week since 1930. Children grow up and still listen to it; a fresh batch of children come along and hear something completely new. Radio Times listing for 30th January 1934 C is for Children’s Hour; all-round favour wins. When dad tunes in to Toytown, why!- Hello, Grins! The Radio Alphabet, Radio Pictorial (28th March 1934 issue) These two [cast members Derek McCulloch and Arthur Wynn] have combined, since 1929, to give listeners a slant on life that is not entirely infantile. Daily Mirror, 18th June 1937 The most interesting thing about the Toytown broadcasts is that the children are happy to hear them over and over again. They never tire of the comparatively few stories (about a dozen) written by the late S.G. Hulme Beaman. Snow White for Christmas Day, Radio Pictorial (2nd December 1938 issue) Mr Beaman invented a new wonderland, not inhabited by fairies, but by very solid beings carved out of blocks of wood, and it says much for their inventor’s genius that these quaint wooden figures have more vitality than many of the “real” people one reads about in books. Jacket inlay for Stories from Toytown, first published 1938 The only pity- to my mind, at any rate- is that one of the best and most original features ever to be broadcast is still confined to the Children’s Hour. Perhaps one day some of the episodes may be broadcast in the evening, and the genius of the late S.G. Hulme Beaman be enjoyed by everybody. Guy Fletcher, Radio Times (prior to 1942) (Source: Ernest Noble-illustrated books) The late S.G. Hulme Beaman gave the denizens of Toy Town [sic] very crisp and unsentimental characters and made their imaginary existence something more than merely funny. He was a Macaulay of the Nursery and, while we treasure the stories he gave us, we must lament that he did not live to give us more. "H.G.M.", Theatre World (May 1947 issue) It is generally agreed, I think, that if a vote was taken for the most popular and evergreen of programmes in the BBC Children’s Hour the winner would without doubt be “Larry the Lamb”. There is no one who has followed Children’s Hour in the last eighteen years or so who does not know of these Toytown Adventures. […] It has been said that some of the characters are now better known to children than even Alice or the March Hare! Radio Times (11th May 1947 issue) And if there's been a better TV series for young children than S.G. Hulme Beaman's Toytown, I also haven't seen it. The puppets, by Mr. Gordon Murray, have the correct planed and polished and faintly Byzantine appearance; they are not too dissimilar to the creatures I imagined when I was a tiny tot. John Braine, The Spectator (23rd May 1958 issue) It may be wondered what the modest author walking along the North End Road, Golders Green to seek inspiration for his stories on Hampstead Heath would think of the technical innovations over the last fifty years. Perhaps he would be content to know that the visual resources now provided are continuing the entertainment he invented and the characters created for new generations of children everywhere. Hendrik Baker, The Book of Toytown and Larry the Lamb (biographical note on S.G. Hulme Beaman), July 1979 The Toytown plays might turn out to be the grand original of those imaginary Englands which did so much to sustain national morale in the years of the Second World War. Raphael Samuel in Children’s Pleasures: Books, toys and games from the Bethnal Green Museum of Childhood (1996) The main point here is that although, his dialogue stories were written almost seventy years ago for the then essentially experimental “steam radio”, I feel that they are as relevant to the young… and their parents of today, and tomorrow, as they were… indeed still are to myself, my contempories, and especially to that generation immediately preceding ours which would later find themselves so intimately entangled in the dangers and deprivations of World War Two… and, thereby to suffer its dire consequences. Gerard Gaston Grange, Toytown: The World of S.G. Hulme Beaman (2000) In the war years, Dennis achieved the difficult feat of becoming a figure at once definably German and totally sympathetic. There weren’t many of them around in those days. David McKie, in a letter to The Guardian, 2nd October 2003 In the mid-1950s, […] Gordon Murray, a very experienced puppeteer, had precise models made from Hulme Beaman’s original drawing of his Toytown characters. It wasn’t a success. Toytown like so much that is best of radio, requires the mind and imagination of a listener - not a viewer. Trevor Hill, in his autobiography Over the Airwaves: My Life in Broadcasting (2005) While finding the stories pretty lacklustre myself as a child, I was drawn to the construction of this unified and personal world in ways it took me a long time to understand, before my discovery of Father Ted on Craggy Island. Chris Mullen, The Visual Telling of Stories (circa 27th May 2012) External links Toytown