Two and a Half Men (season 11)

Season 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 | Main Two and a Half Men (2003–2015) is a TV series original centered around a hip single bachelor whose lifestyle is interrupted when his newly separated brother and his son move in. Nangnangnangnang [11.01] [As a girl walks up the stairs, Jenny Harper, Charlie's long-lost daughter, stops Walden in his tracks] Jenny: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Where are you going? Walden: Up to show her. Jenny: Oh, you thought...? Oh, no-no-no-no-no, she's mine. Next time, I'll get two. [Jenny walks upstairs] Walden: What just happened? Evelyn: Charlie's back. I Think I Banged Lucille Ball [11.02] Walden: Hey, you're welcome to crash here anytime you need a break from Evelyn and 91-and-a-half shades of grey. Jenny: Seriously? Walden: Yeah. You know, I was thinking about putting in a home gym, but big deal. I'd rather have a Jenny than a gym. Jenny: You and me both. Alyssa: [to Jenny] Mackenzie, you lying bitch! Jenny: [running away] Uh-oh. Alyssa: Congo, my ass! Don't run! You don't want to run! [Jenny leaps over the railing, and Alyssa follows her] Berta: Yeah, it feels like home again! This Unblessed Biscuit [11.03] Walden: Why in the world do you wear boys' husky underwear? Alan: Okay, you know how some people trim the hedges to make the tree look bigger? Well, I say stuff the tree in a smaller yard. Walden: Well, when the police raid the house and find a drawer full of boys' underwear, that's not gonna be good for any of us. Alan: Neither is a drawer full of pot. Walden: That's why I wrote "Not Pot" on it. Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank [11.04] Jenny: Don’t worry, nothing could have happened, I’m gay. Walden: [relieved] Ah, that's right. You're gay. Wait, how gay? Like, 1 being "Yay, it’s college!" Or 10 being "I’m going Subaru shopping with Ellen and Rosie." Jenny: I'm closer to a nine. I mean, I make my own soap, but I don’t sell it at the Lilith Fair. Jenny: I have a motto for situations like this. What happens in Jenny, stays in Jenny. Berta: Are we gonna talk about the orgy we had last night? Walden: What...? Jenny: You were there? Berta: Hell yeah. I banged James Franco. Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003 [11.05] Walden: Where do you see yourself in five years? Jenny: A little house on the beach in Hawaii with Kate Upton. Walden: Kate Upton’s straight. Jenny: Give me two weeks. Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants [11.06] Jenny: Well I can see where Walden gets his pretty face. Robin: Well aren't you sweet? He's single, you know. Jenny: I know, are you? [Walden hastily gets his mother out of the house and turns to Jenny] Walden: Really?! Jenny: Hey, just 'cause you came out of it, doesn't mean I don't want to get into it! Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie [11.07] Jenny: It's not that complicated. The first time you masturbate thinking about the school nurse, you pretty much know. Alan and Walden: Oh, my God, I'm a lesbian. Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room [11.08] Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer [11.09] On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer! [11.10] Walden: 'Twas the night before Christmas when all down the beach Not a creature was stirring, not even a leech. Alan was nestled, all snug in his bed While visions of lesbians danced in his head. Brooke and Jenny were sleeping, a long winter's nap Surrounded by bottles with nary a cap. Jenny was nervous and frightened, but took a big chance. She let Brooke in her heart, as well as her pants. While Berta in her vest and I in my hattie Had just baked our brains out with a big Christmas fatty. We started to doze, we hadn't a care. Happy Christmas to all. My balls have no hair. Tazed in the Lady Nuts [11.11] Barry: I've got great news. Ice cream sandwiches are in the oven. They'll be ready at 5. Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball. [11.12] Bite Me, Supreme Court [11.13] Three Fingers of Crème de Menthe [11.14] Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin [11.15] How to Get Rid of Alan Harper [11.16] Walden: Better hope I don't run into Mila Kunis. Nicole: Yeah, like that's gonna happen. Welcome Home, Jake [11.17] West Side Story [11.18] Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang [11.19] Walden: [to the urn holding Charlie's ashes] Hey, Charlie. It's me, Walden. We...never met, but I'm the guy who took your place. Thanks for giving up your house. I guess you didn't really give it up, you died. You'd have to be on crack to give up all this. Lotta Delis in Little Armenia [11.20] Dial 1-900-MIX-A-LOT [11.21] Oh WALD-E, Good Times Ahead [11.22] Walden: Can you believe it? We're still together, three years later. Alan: I know. I thought for sure it was over when Charlie died. Walden: Thank God I showed up. Category:Two and a Half Men seasons