Abbott Elementary season 4

Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 | Main Abbott Elementary (2021–present) is an American mockumentary school comedy, airing on ABC, about a group of teachers brought together in one of the worst public schools in the country, simply because they love teaching. Back to School [4.01] Barbara: But we're gonna let them have their space because, clearly, they need it. Children: (together) Butterfly! Ava: Look, I gotta listen to y'all complain all damn day. "We want books. We want paper towels in the classroom." Ringworm [4.02] Jacob: Trigger warning, one of my students has ringworm. Barbara: Ringworm?! Melissa: D'oh! Get back. Gregory: Cancel classes and shut Abbott down. Janine: Gregory really hates ringworm, but we all have our words. Mr. Johnson: No one's getting past me. Jacob: I did not have ringworm. Janine: Jacob, we have to protect the entire school. Jacob: This is not fair. Barbara: The last time you washed your legs. Mr. Johnson: I love you, Jacob. But I will beat you down. Class Pet [4.03] Janine: We asked the district for funding, they gave us $50 for class pets instead. Janine: Watch out for this one. He's a biter. Melissa: He didn't bite me. [The hamster bites Janine's finger.] Janine: God. Costume Contest [4.04] Janine: It's Halloween here at Abbott, and some of the costumes can be a little risqué, so I have a box full of backups. I want everyone to have a shot at winning the big costume contest that's later today, so I need to make sure they're both age and fear appropriate. Melissa: But she's been doing that since before I even got here. Dad Fight [4.05] Gregory: Fight night! Janine: Our student decided to fight Gregory. The Deli [4.06] Melissa: The Deli across the street is being turned into a freaking smoothie shop. Gregory: Which one. Smoothin' on up? Unblended knee. It's not fruit groups, is it? Janine: He knows so many different smoothie shops. Melissa: Nope, It's gonna be a fruit, there it is. Winter Show [4.07] Janine: After weeks of hard work and sleeping under my desk a few nights, I did it. Barbara: Ava, take down that tree. And Janine, get back under your desk. We are not doing a Christmas-themed show anymore. Winter Break [4.08] Melissa: Melissa really is the best of us, and I'm just a lowly piece of (bleep) god. Melissa: Hey, what the hell are you doing here?! I told you weren't invited to this. Captain Robinson: I respect your wishes. Paramedics got a death alert ring from this house. Volunteers [4.09] Janine: Welcome to Abbott Elementary, the best elementary school in the universe. Deandra "Sweet Dee" Reynolds: Is that what this is? Ronald "Mac" McDonald: Ignore her. We are the best volunteers in the universe. Dennis Reynolds: Hey, quick question: Um, what's the deal with all the cameras? Ava: We have, like, a Vanderpump thing going on. Don't worry about it. Dennis: No! No. I don't think so. I know quite a bit about filming and consent and I think I'll be spending my time on the other side of the camera, thank you very much. Melissa: Hey! You guys! You own that Paddy's Pub. That's the skeeviest bar I've ever been to. You're a bunch of lowlifes! Barbara: SNAKES IN THE GARDEN!! You're criminals! Mac: C'mon! Is it a crime to dump 100 gallons of baby oil in the Schuykill? Charlie Kelly: And 500 Paddy's Pub t-shirts? Dee: And a Cybertruck? All: (together) YES! Dee: Yeah, the judge thought so too. Frank Reynolds: She's right. We're criminals. Jacob: Let me know if there's anything you need. And I mean "anything". Mr. Johnson: You're trash, you know that? Frank: Coming from the sheriff of trash! Testing [4.10] [first lines] Jacob: Yeah, according to this, it could be the final tour. Moving from news to opinion, I hope she does perform live again, but I don't think she owes that to her fans after all she's given to us. You like Britney, Billy? Billy: No. Jacob: Oh. That about wraps up the Daily Jacob. Hey, how about that SEPTA strike, huh? You think that's gonna happen? Billy: Nah, it's usually just all talk. Jacob: Well, as a union man myself, I stand beside ya. Billy: Behind the line. Jacob: Yeah. I stand behind you. You know, the thing about Britney that people don't understand- Billy: Okay. This is your stop. Jacob: Oh, no. No, I’m- I’m not for, like, four more blocks. I'm with them. Billy: End of the line. Jacob: This is a block where I got roundhoused. Jacob: RJ, he's just... just your average kid, Billy. You know, he takes SEPTA just like you and me. So I'm gonna figure it out. And you know why, Billy? Billy: Oh, let me guess. Because it's your damn job? Jacob: You are such a good listener. Billy: Yeah, well, legally, I'm not allowed to wear headphones. Jacob: Oh! Time for news updates. (exhales sharply) Oh. Wow. That c- That can't be right. It says that SEPTA's demands went unmet, and they called the strike. Billy: That's news to me. Man: (over walkie-talkie) Attention, drivers. The city failed to meet our very reasonable demands. We will be going on strike. Stand by for further updates. Billy: Well, it looks like you gotta get out, Jacob. Jacob: Oh, my God. It- It's happening now? Billy: Yeah, seems that way. Yeah. Gotta stand by the working man. Can you do that? Jacob: Proudly. I believe in you. Woman: Do we got to get out? Jacob: Oh! How exciting! It's historic! Woman: Do we got to get out? Billy: No, no, no. You guys are good. Strike doesn't start 'til tomorrow. But for him, it starts today. Jacob: Wait! Billy! [final lines] Strike [4.11] Melissa: I don’t answer calls from numbers I don’t know. Or numbers I do know. Ava: I hate bosses. That’s why I became a principal, so I don’t have any. Gregory: You have bosses. Ava: Point to them. Mr. Johnson: I plan on spending the rest of the day remote cleaning. O'Shon: I’m working on upgrading the routers and putting in range extenders. Although, it seems like your router is already in great shape. Ava: Everything about me is. Janine: She can be the sun and the moon and the planets. She just can’t be the Milky Way because she’s lactose intolerant. Which I can relate because, uh, Milky Way? More like milk, get out of my way. Right? Girard Creek [4.12] Man: It's been tough to be our neighbor. I am here to invite you to our golf course preview. Man: Are you finding everything to your liking? Janine: No. Science Fair [4.13] Mr. Morton: Can we glue some jelly beans on it? Gregory: Well, how many times have you seen jelly beans on a volcano? Janine: I've never seen a volcano. Melissa: Neither have I, but I'm pretty sure there's no jelly beans on them. Melissa: Yeah, I don't know. It's just lacking, like, a "wow" factor. Janine: Are you familiar with the Vegas Sphere? Melissa: No, but I think this is good. Janine: Oh, it's gonna blow! All: (together) Aaaaahhhh! [Final lines as the volcano rumbling sound effect is heard, and when the volcano erupts, the volcano explodes and shoots out lava.] District Budget Meeting [4.14] Janine: What's wrong, Gregory? Gregory: I'm not sure, but you're trying to kick at my guy. Janine: I don't know. It's an ordinary day to me, Playboy. Gregory: We're kidding. Janine: Yeah. We know, it's Valentine's Day! Ava: Didn't buy tickets. Don't want to see the show. 100th Day of School [4.15] Janine: Alright, class, can anybody tell me what number we are celebrating tomorrow? All: (together) 100. Janine: That's right. We will be celebrating 100 days of school. The 100th day of school is a big to-do nowadays. In order to beat the "when is summer break" blues, the students dress up as 100-year-olds and have a parade. Gregory: It's a less scary Halloween. Janine: Now, 100 pennies is a... All: (together) Dollar. Books [4.16] Tariq: My son was excited to read that book to me at bedtime. Barbara: And why are you going to sleep before your son? Tariq: I am sleepy. Ava: Fire, y’all! Head towards the exits. The plot of Fahrenheit 451 is upon us! Karaoke [4.17] Barbara: Attention, everyone. Janine: Attention, everyone. Barbara: I need a final head count for karaoke. Mr. Johnson: I'll be there. I like big butts, but someone out there thinks I'm lying about it. And I gotta set the record straight. Audit [4.18] Janine: Good morning. Barbara: Go ahead and sign in on the, the new iPad. Music Class [4.19] Janine: Hoagie Hole has been shut down. Do not go there. Barbara: I just want to thank you all for bearing with me these last two classes while I develop the lesson plan. Kids: You're welcome. Ava Fest: Tokyo Drift [4.20] Janine: We are having a car wash to raise money. Janine: Here you go. Rally [4.21] Janine: We're going to the district to get Ava her job back. Jacob: We can discuss the facts or what happened all day, until we're blue in the face. You know? Please Touch Museum [4.22] Gregory: We're going to the Please Touch Museum. Jacob: I said if you're ready to have some fun, let me hear you! Gregory: The Please Touch Museum is for babies. Jacob: What?! No way. Melissa: It's like Disney World but for kids. Barbara: Mr. Johnson loves it. He's decided to come with us. Mr. Johnson: I don't wanna go there, it's for babies. Category:Abbott Elementary seasons