Noël Coward

thumb|Having to read a footnote resembles having to go downstairs to answer the door while in the midst of making love. Noël Peirce Coward (December 16, 1899 – March 26, 1973) was an English playwright, composer of popular music and actor. Quotes [On the phone] My dear Jim's dead...No dear, he jumped off Waterloo Bridge - Yes, the one next to Charing Cross - No, no, no that's Blackfriars. Early review, cited in Frank Muir's Book of Comedy Sketches Don't put your daughter on the stage, Mrs. WorthingtonDon't put your daughter on the stageThe profession is overcrowdedAnd the struggle's pretty toughAnd admitting the fact she's burning to actThat isn't quite enoughShe's a big girl and though her teeth are fairly goodShe's not the type I ever would be eager to engageI repeat, Mrs. Worthington, sweet Mrs. WorthingtonDon't put your daughter on the stage. "Mrs Worthington" (Song, 1933) The stately homes of England we proudly represent,We only keep them up for Americans to rent.Tho' the pipes that supply the bathroom burstAnd the lavat'ry makes you fear the worstIt was used by Charles the First (quite informally),And later by George the Fourth on a journey north,The state apartments keep their historical reknown,It's wiser not to sleep there in case they tumble down;But still if they ever catch on fireWhich with any luck they might,We'll fight for the stately homes of England. "The Stately Homes of England" from Operette (1937) Our families have traditionsWe've heard of a thousand timesOur ancestors were unequivocally right.They frequently went on missionsTo rather peculiar climesTo lead the wretched heathen to the light.Though some of them got beaten up and some of them stampededAnd quite a lot were eaten up - a few of them succeeded.On one of these expeditionsAn uncle we thought a boreTurned out to be more spirited than ever he'd been before.<p>Poor Uncle HarryWanted to be a missionarySo he took a ship and sailed away.This visionaryHotly pursued by dear Aunt MaryFound a South Sea isle on which to stay.The natives greeted them kindly,And invited them to dineOn yams and clams and human hams and vintage coconut wineThe taste of which was filthyBut the after-effects divine. "Uncle Harry" from Pacific 1860 (1946) Charles: Anything interesting in The Times?Ruth: Don't be silly, Charles. Blithe Spirit (1941) Hollywood is a place where some people lie on the beach and look up at the stars, whereas other people lie on the stars and look down at the beach. Interview with Walter Harris in 1960 reported in The Times (26 May 2009) I love criticism as long as it is unqualified praise. Quote in Margaret McManus, "Noël Coward a 'Blithe Spirit' — in Sunny Jamaica", The Des Moines Register (January 8, 1956), Section: Iowa TV Magazine, p. 5 Television is for appearing on, not looking at. Interview with Edward R. Murrow on Person to Person (27 April 1956) 2007 The Letters of Noël Coward Noël Coward Barry Day illustrated Alfred A. Knopf 9780375423031 585 http://books.google.com/books?id=yAxmAAAAMAAJ&q=%22Time+has+convinced+me+of+one+thing.+Television+is+for+appearing+on,+not+looking+at%22&pgis=1 The Battle of Britain was twenty-three years ago and the world has forgotten it. Those young men, so many of whom I knew, flew up into the air and died for us and all we believed in... What did they die for? I suppose for themselves and what they believed was England. It was England then – for a few brave months... The peace we are enduring is not worth their deaths. England has become a third-rate power, economically and morally. We are vulgarised by American values. America, which didn't even know war on its own ground, is now dictating our policies and patronising our values. I came away from that gentle, touching, tatty little party with a heavy and sad heart. The England those boys died for has disappeared. Our history, except for stupid, squalid social scandals, is over... We are now beset by the 'clever ones', all the cheap frightened people who can see nothing but defeat and who have no pride, no knowledge of the past, no reverence for our lovely heritage... I despise the young, who see no quality in our great past and who spit, with phoney, left-wing disdain, on all that we, as a race, have contributed to the living world... I say a grateful goodbye to those foolish, gallant young men who made it possible for me to be alive today to write these sentimental words. Diary entry after attending the annual dinner for Battle of Britain veterans (September 1963), quoted in The Noël Coward Diaries, eds. Graham Payn and Sheridan Morley (1982), pp. 543-545 He loved me true did Harry-boy and I loved him true, and if the happiness we gave each other was wicked and wrong in the eyes of the Law and the Church and God Almighty, then the Law and the Church and God Almighty can go dig a hole and fall down it. Me and the Girls (1964) Christopher Marlowe or Francis BaconThe author of Lear remains unshakenWillie Herbert or Mary FittonWhat does it matter? The Sonnets were written. A Question of Values. Proceeding on the assumption that the reader of this preface is interested in the development of my musical talent, I will try to explain, as concisely as I can, how, in this respect, my personal wheels go round. To begin with, I have only had two music lessons in my life. These were the first steps of what was to have been a full course at the Guildhall School of Music, and they faltered and stopped when I was told by my instructor that I could not use consecutive fifths. He went on to explain that a gentleman called Ebenezer Prout had announced many years ago that consecutive fifths were wrong and must in no circumstances be employed. At that time Ebenezer Prout was merely a name to me (as a matter of fact he still is, and a very funny one at that) and I was unimpressed by his Victorian dicta. I argued back that Debussy and Ravel had used consecutive fifths like mad. My instructor waved aside this triviality with a pudgy hand, and I left his presence forever with the parting shot that what was good enough for Debussy and Ravel was good enough for me. This outburst of rugged individualism deprived me of much valuable knowledge, and I have never deeply regretted it for a moment. Preface, The Noël Coward Song Book, pp. 12–13. If by any chance a playwright wishes to express a political opinion or a moral opinion or a philosophy, he must be a good enough craftsman to do it with so much spice of entertainment in it that the public get the message without being aware of it. Sheridan Morley, A Talent to Amuse (1985). Your motivation is your pay packet on Friday. Now get on with it. Fred Metcalf, The Penguin Dictionary of Modern Humorous Quotations (1987). Having to read a footnote resembles having to go downstairs to answer the door while in the midst of making love. As quoted by Anthony Grafton in The Footnote: A Curious History (Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, 1997), p. 70, with the following footnote: "L. Gossman, Between History and Literature (Cambridge, Mass. and London, 1990), 249-250; [...] G. Pomata, "Versions of Narrative: Overt and Covert Narrators in Nineteenth Century Historiography," History Workshop, 27 (1989), 1-17. Coward attributed a stronger version of the remark to John Barrymore: C. Lesley, Remembered Laughter (New York, 1976), xx. 17." I'll see you again,Whenever spring breaks through again. "I'll See You Again," Bitter Sweet, Act 1 Private Lives (1930) Amanda: Whose yacht is that?Elyot: The Duke of Westminster's I expect. It always is.Amanda: I wish I were on it.Elyot: I wish you were too.Amanda: There's no need to be nasty.Elyot: Yes, there is every need. I've never in my life felt a greater urge to be nasty. Elyot: I met her on a house party in Norfolk.Amanda: Very flat, Norfolk.Elyot: There's no need to be unpleasant.Amanda: That was no reflection on her, unless of course she made it flatter. Elyot: Certain women should be struck regularly, like gongs. Amanda: Extraordinary how potent cheap music is. Mad Dogs and Englishmen (1930) In tropical climesThere are certain timesOf dayWhen all the citizens retireTo take their clothes off and perspire.It's one of those rulesThat the greatest foolsObey,Because the sun is far too sultryAnd one must avoid its ultry-Vi'let ray. The natives grieveWhen the white men leaveTheir huts.Because they're obviously,DefinitelyNuts. Mad Dogs & EnglishmenGo out in the midday sun.The Japanese don't care to,The Chinese wouldn't dare to,The Hindus and ArgentinesSleep firmly from twelve to one,But EnglishmenDetest aSiesta. It's such a surpriseFor Eastern eyesTo see,That though the English are effete,They're quite impervious to heat. It seems such a shameWhen the English claimThe Earth,That they give riseTo such hilarityAnd mirth. In RangoonThe heat of noonIs just what the natives shun,They put their ScotchOr Rye downAnd lie down. In a jungle townWhere the sun beats downTo the rage of man and beast,The English garbOf the English sahibMerely gets a bit more creased.In BangkokAt twelve'o'clockThey foam at the mouth and run,But mad dogs and EnglishmenGo out in the midday sun. In Hong KongThey strike a gongAnd fire off a noonday gunTo reprimandEach inmateWho's in late. In Bengal,To move at allIs seldom if ever done. Design for Living (1932) The actual facts are so simple. I love you. You love me. You love Otto. I love Otto. Otto loves you. Otto loves me. There now! Start to unravel from there. People are wrong when they say that the opera isn't what it used to be. It is what it used to be — that's what's wrong with it! Act 3, Scene I Mad About the Boy (1932) Mad about the boyI know it's stupid to be mad about the boyI'm so ashamed of it but must admit the sleepless nights I've hadAbout the boy On the silverscreenHe melts my foolish heart in every single sceneAlthough I'm quite aware that here and there are traces of the cadAbout the boy Lord knows I'm not a fool girlI really shouldn't careLord knows I'm not a school girlIn the flurry of her first affair. Will it ever cloyThis odd diversity of misery and joyI'm feeling quite insane and young againAnd all because I'm mad about the boy So if I could employA little magic that will finally destroyThis dream that pains me and enchains meBut I can't because I'm mad...I'm mad about the boy Present Laughter (1939) Gary: You ought never to have joined the Athenaeum Club, Henry: it was disastrous.Henry: I really don’t see why.Gary: It’s made you pompous.Henry: It can’t have. I’ve always been too frightened to go into it. Gary: Beryl Willard is extremely competent. Beryl Willard has been extremely competent, man and boy, for forty years. In addition to her extreme competence, she has contrived, with uncanny skill, to sustain a spotless reputation for being the most paralysing, epoch-making, monumental, world-shattering, God-awful bore that ever drew breath...I will explain one thing further - it is this. No prayer, no bribe, no threat, no power, human or divine, would induce me to go to Africa with Beryl Willard. I wouldn't go as far as Wimbledon with Beryl Willard.Liz: What he's trying to say is that he doesn't care for Beryl Willard. Morris: I'll never speak to you again until the day I die!Gary: Well, we can have a nice little chat then, can't we? Coward played a supporting role in a poorly received comedy movie SURPRISE PACKAGE(1960). When someone approached Coward and told him that he had stolen the picture,Coward replied---"Thank you,My Dear, but it was only petty larceny". Quotes about Noël Coward The lifestyle presented in Hay Fever, Design for Living, Private Lives and Blithe Spirit is somewhat more acceptable now than it was in Coward's day, but the plays can never be either controversial or dated. Coward emphasized entertainment, not message, and the principal appeal of these scintillating comedies arises from their bantering dialogue (with just a touch of malice and cynicism) and their amusing situations (with just a touch of sexual spice). The artificiality of both is part of their charm. The carefully wrought machine runs on jewels of wit, and charming little figures parade before us at the appropriate times with striking effect. That it also indicates The Times is almost incidental, but useful. Leonard R. N. Ashley, 'Coward, Noël', in James Vinson (ed.), Great Writers of the English Language: Dramatists (1979), p. 139 Coward himself said of Bitter-Sweet: "disdaining archness and false modesty, I knew it was witty. I knew it was well constructed, and I also knew it would be a success." That description can suffice for a great many of Coward plays (and other achievements) and makes the main points. That comedy, and not tragedy, should have been his métier may convince the injudicious that he is brittle and trivial – but neither the chic nor the wise can trouble themselves about people like that. Leonard R. N. Ashley, 'Coward, Noël', in James Vinson (ed.), Great Writers of the English Language: Dramatists (1979), p. 139 Coward's influence spread even to the outposts of Rickmansworth and Poona. Hearty naval commanders or jolly colonels acquired the "camp" manners of calling everything from Joan of Arc to Merlin "lots of fun," and the adjective "terribly" peppered every sentence. All sorts of men suddenly wanted to look like Noel Coward—sleek and satiny, clipped and well groomed, with a cigarette, a telephone, or a cocktail at hand. Cecil Beaton, The Glass of Fashion (1954), p. 184 I asked Coward about a famous anecdote about him. He was alleged to have been sitting under cover from the heavy rain next to his close friend Princess Marina, Duchess of Kent, prior to going to Westminster Abbey for the Coronation service. Opposite them was another queen who had made her way into the affections of the British public, the vast Salote, Queen of Tonga. "Noël, who is that little man sheltering under Queen Salote's umbrella?" asked his companion. Coward peered through the rain. "Oh, her lunch, my dear."He laughed. "That was said by somebody at White's, and immediately attributed to me. That was very flattering of course, except I had intended to visit Tonga the following winter, and after that of course it was quite impossible." Walter Harris, 'An undying talent to amuse', Times2 (26 May 2009), p. 14 My big break came the next year with Bitter Sweet, starring Anna Neagle. I had a dress with a plunging neckline. Noël Coward said he could see the White Cliffs of Dover and I felt devastated. If you're blind, you'll miss me in that one. Anna Lee, speaking with James Bawden, circa 1980s; as quoted in Conversations with Classic Film Stars: Interviews from Hollywood's Golden Era (2016) by Bawden and Ron Miller, p. 208 Noel Coward, whose brain is so delicate that it is intoxicated by the slightest waves in the ether, has, in desperation, taken a header in the wrong direction. He ought to be a white-hot pacifist. But somebody waved a Union Jack in front of him, and he tripped up, and he wrote Cavalcade. That play is about the finest essay in betrayal since Judas Iscariot jingled his thirty pieces of silver in the moonlight a number of years ago. And the tragedy of it is heightened by the fact that it is Noel who has been betrayed, and not his public. His public, which is deservedly vast, adored the flags and the streamers, the blood red, ice-white and royal blue which, in varying patterns, he threw across the stage of Drury Lane. And he, I am quite sure, adored the thirty thousand pieces of silver which, as a result of this play, he was able to jingle in his pocket. But the play was a tragedy, none the less. And the tragedy was not on the stage. It was in the Royal Box. It was focused in the thin, nervous face of the young man who had created this glittering tissue of dramatic lies, as he turned to his adoring audience, and said, "It's pretty exciting to be English nowadays." Beverley Nichols, quoted in Bryan Connon, Beverley Nichols: A Life (1991), pp. 170-171 Did I tell you about Noel Coward? He is in search of culture, and thinks Bloomsbury a kind of place of pilgrimage. Will you come and meet him? He is a miracle, a prodigy. He can sing, dance, write plays, act, compose, and I daresay paint.—He rescued his whole family who kept boarding houses in Surbiton, and they are now affluent, but on the verge of bankruptcy, because he spends so much on cocktails. If he could only become like Bloomsbury he thinks he might be saved. Virginia Woolf to Vanessa Bell (25 March 1928), quoted in A Changing Perspective: The Letters of Virginia Woolf. Volume III: 1923–1928, ed. Nigel Nicolson (1977), p. 478 Now I'm off to Sibyl to meet Noel Coward, with whom I am slightly in love. Virginia Woolf to Vanessa Bell (16 October 1928), quoted in A Changing Perspective: The Letters of Virginia Woolf. Volume III: 1923–1928'', ed. Nigel Nicolson (1977), p. 546 External links Coward Noël Coward The Noël Coward Society Category:1899 births Category:1973 deaths Category:Actors from England Category:Composers from England Category:Musicians from England Category:Playwrights from England Category:LGBT people Category:Singer-songwriters from England Category:Pianists from England Category:Screenwriters from England Category:Memoirists from England Category:People from London Category:Academy Honorary Award recipients