Ghosts (Season 2)

Main: Seasons 1 2 3 4 5 6 Ghosts (2021–present) is an American single-camera sitcom, airing on CBS, about a young couple whose dreams come true when they inherit a beautiful country house, only to find it's both falling apart and inhabited by many of the deceased previous residents. Spies [2.01] Tom: I feel as if I've died and went to heaven. Alberta: If only if it were that simple. Alberta's Podcast [2.02] Samantha: A podcast is like a... like a TV show but without the pictures. Alberta: Baby, that's called radio. What you're describing is radio. Samantha: The guy's kind of a stalker. Lewis: Sam, someone who stalks a dead person is called a historian. Peter: What happened with the washing machine? Hetty: No one knows, Peter, it's simply one of the magical mysteries of the universe. Alberta: I knew Clara dabbled in bootlegging, mostly 'cause I dabbled in bootlegging. Jay's Friends [2.03] Trevor: Damn, check out the hottie. Isaac: Yeah, she is delecta---oh wait! I don't have to pretend anymore! That's nice. Jay: Yeah, okay, so he's a bit hippie-dippie, I'll give you that, but you don't know him yet. Flower: Huh. Nobody ever talks about a cult being in the wrong. Alberta: I feel like people do. Isaac: Just talk to them. As a delegate to the Second Continental Congress, I took part in difficult negotiations. But through dialogue, we found interests that aligned. Sasappis: If a bunch of white, male landowners can find common ground, then anything is possible. Samantha: Have you ever thought about what living forever would actually mean? The Tree [2.04] Samantha: She says hi. Jay: [answering phone] Woodstone B&B, are you canceling for the reason I think you are? Sasappis: You know, I don't think it was just about the markings that I made on the tree. It's that everything's gone. My people were pushed out. I watched all of it happen. And that tree was the last thing left from when I was alive. And now it's gone, too. Bob: A land acknowledgement isn't something for me to do. It's something for you to do. I already know about our history. Halloween 2: The Ghost of Hetty's Past [2.05] Hetty: In my day, the occult was all the rage, why not conduct a séance? . . . I had one once to impress Mrs. Astor. And it worked; the lights flickered, the smell of death surrounded us, and I'm just now realizing that was Thor and Isaac messing with us. Samantha: I dropped an earring earlier, and I need help looking for it. Hetty: But all your jewelry is so cheap, why even bother? Samantha: Both of you were stuck in a patriarchal system that pitted women against each other because holding a man accountable wasn't an option. Both: Spirit, spirit, listen clear. The Baby Bjorn [2.06] Isaac: Through a combination of shrewd bargaining and a general disdain for physical touch, which leads her to never cash them in, Hetty has amassed a vast wealth of back rubs. Jay: Do you think we can climb out that window? Or should we just jump? Samantha: Can't we just go down the stairs and walk out the front door? Jay: OK. Take my hand, close your eyes, and whatever you do, don't touch anything Thorfinn: Children not born with hate in their heart; they must be taught it. And I was not there to teach him. Dumb Deaths [2.07] Thorfinn: Yeah. Ugh. Isaac: And while today he may be celebrated as a great man, it turns out Hamilton was a bit of a nose-picker. The Liquor License [2.08] Ben Franklin: Higgintoot. The Christmas Spirit Part 1 [2.09] Thorfinn: Careful. [Samantha gets electrocuted and falls on top of Thorfinn.] Samantha: What happen? Why hands so small and clean? Ghosts: Merry Christmas, Sam! Part 2 [2.10] Pete: It-it wasn't your fault, though. I mean, you were still figuring things out yourself. The Perfect Assistant [2.11] Flower: Ooh. What's going on? The Family Business [2.12] Hetty: It's time we finally discuss our little Christmas dalliance. Ghost Hunter [2.13] Sasappis: My relationship's on the line and Jay's pinching pennies. Trevor's Body [2.14] Hetty: Tara Reid is giving a speech. A Date To Remember [2.15] Jay: Okay. What do Vikings eat? Jay: Happy Valentine's Day to me. Isaac's Book [2.16] Terry: So, you're proposing a book about a regular guy who was near some things and then crapped himself to death? Samantha: Isaac, you don't need to have a book written about you to be a significant person. You fought in the Revolutionary War. You invented the sniper rifle! Isaac: And killed a British officer with it from a hundred paces. Samantha: And then you got that guy to date you. After that! Isaac: That is pretty impressive. Issac: Sweet, sweet external validation! We're somebody again! Weekend From Hell [2.17] Elias: I'll need you all to reintroduce yourselves. Last time, I wasn't listening, because I didn't care. But that was the old Elias. The new Elias sees you all as equals. Even the women. Isaac: Well, that is some growth. Elias: Oh, you know hell. Lots of, uh, paperwork. Samantha: You can send emails? Elias: Yes, hell is mostly emails. And Zooms that should have been emails. Hetty: You should've thought of that before you traded your soul to save some snot-nosed urchin. Isaac: She never was much of a little kid person. Hetty: Well, that's nonsense, I employed hundreds of them. Pete: I can't go to hell! Elias said my soul's too pretty! Elias: Let's see, what else am I sorry for? I lost your family china in a poker game, then blamed it on the valet. Hetty: That's where that went? Gerald went to prison. Elias: And I'm truly sorry. .... Hetty: OK, I suppose that's not an unforgiveable act. Elias: Oh! Once I partook in all of your cocaine and replaced it with wig powder. Hetty: YOU'RE A MONSTER! Alberta's Descendant [2.18] Alberta: Don't let up. Alicia: Her toenail? Alberta: No! I just fixed you, why're you doing something dumb again?! Ghost Father of the Bride [2.19] Alberta: We found Crash's head. Crash: Hiya, Toots. Samantha: Oh, my God! Samantha: [talking to the ghosts] So you're saying we should threaten Carol to get the wedding here? Jay: These silences, man, things escalate very quickly in these silences. ... Samantha: Then let's report a triple homicide. Jay: OK, I'm gonna need some more frequent updates. Isaac: The truth is I sort of just...forgot. Woodstone's Hottest Couple [2.20] Stephanie: Are you happy to see me? Stephanie: You know, I'm technically 54 years old now. Whodunnit [2.21] Samantha: I have one day to solve Alberta's murder. Thorfinn: You just drink alcohol even though no idea who gave it to you. Alberta: And you just traipsed through a field wearing a metal helmet during a lightning storm? What's your point, Thor? We all got here somehow. Hetty: Alcohol is highly addictive, with none of the productive or medicinal qualities of cocaine. Samantha: Has anyone ever talked to the basement ghosts about what they saw that night? Hetty: I'll be honest, I didn't know until very recently that they could speak. Al Capone: This'll teach Alberta to facepalm me. Trevor: I'm gonna Google "Nigerian prince" and see if it's in the news! Pete: I feel so...dumb. Flower: Ok, so he lied to us about being a prince. But at least we helped someone get off of Snake Island. And that's what's important. Pete: I feel less dumb. Alberta: But why would he want to kill me? I didn't even know the man. Thorfinn: Actually, much harder to kill person you know. Sometimes not even fun. The Heir [2.22] Pete: How much was the advance? Sam: $20,000. Isaac: My God, you could buy Delaware! Pete: Cheese and crackers! Isaac: I fear our relationship is not at the stage where I would feel comfortable cohabitating.... So let's take our relationship to that stage. Flower: Not every conversation has to make sense! Category:Ghosts seasons