A Touch of Cloth

A Touch of Cloth is a British television comedy police procedural series created and written by Charlie Brooker and Daniel Maier. Series 2 [During a bank robbery] Robber: I reckon you'll tell your grandkids about this, eh? Bystander: I'm gay. Robber: Right... well, you could turn it into a musical. [Jack briefs the CID] DI Jack Cloth: I want to find out Who he knows Where he goes What he does In which size gloves What he eats How he sleeps Under blankets Under sheets Is he single? Is he taken? How crispy does he like his bacon? Upper, middle, lower class? Which hand's employed to wipe his arse? What's his blood group? What's his sign? What's his take on Palestine? Who's his mother? Who's his dad? Has he read Beevor's Stalingrad? What's his height? What's his weight? How often does he masturbate? Is he churlish, shy or chatty? Who is the real Mike MacRatty? Solve these riddles if you can And together we can stop this man [As Jack prepares to go undercover] DI Anne Oldman: Jack, wait! Don't forget which side you're on. DI Jack Cloth: I'm not on a side. I'm on the edge, and edges don't have sides. [Deleted scene] Macratty: I like you Jack. You're a cunt. Not like these other cunts. External links Category:Criminal comedy TV shows Category:Cancelled shows