Community/Season 6

Season 1 2 3 4 5 6 Main Community (2009–2015) is an American sitcom that premiered on NBC and Yahoo Screen about students at a community college in the fictional city of Greendale, Colorado. The show would run for six seasons on NBC and Yahoo Screen, hence the #sixseasonsandamovie hashtag. Ladders [6.01] Dean Pelton: Welcome back to Greendale, now ranking fifth on Colorado's alphabetical list of community colleges! Rest in peace, Bad Boy Slim's DJ School. This school owes its debt to its following heroes: Jeff Winger, a teacher so dedicated to clean energy, he's already parking his car like it's electric. Britta Perry, currently raising awareness of homelessness - not like she has a choice. Abed Nadir, who actually wrote this announcement for the sake of, as he put it, "catching everyone up". And Annie Edison, who led the effort to save Greendale from 534 critical emergencies. Annie: 534...? Britta: Excuse me, ma'am. Is she above us or below us? Dean Pelton: She is - Woah! I' m getting a call here, and, um, I'll have to take it. Frankie, why don't you explain what your role will be while I leave to take this call? My phone is vibrating, but it is- Jeff: In your office, which you didn't realize when you started the fake phone call move. Dean Pelton: My phone is in my pocket, Jeffrey! I'm walking away so I can get it out, and answer it! [quietly] Let me know how it goes. Frankie: Okay, I'll just have a seat, and- [the study group protests] Annie: Our friend used to sit there. Abed: She spun off. Frankie: I'm sorry. What about here? [gestures to Pierce's chair] [the study group agrees] Frankie: Okay, so I took an informal survey to get a sense of how Greendale is perceived, and three themes emerged: weird, passionate and gross. In marketing, it's what we call the "Good Belushi". If I had a magic wand, I would use it to make sure that Greendale never had to grow up. I would also probably use it to cut the Magic Wand class that I noticed is actually offered here, as well as VCR Repair, a class called Ladders, and When is it Okay to Shake a Baby? In terms of hierarchy, I'm a big believer in it. Someone needs to say I'm in charge, and that person is me. That's my decision. That doesn't mean we don't work together, but all communication and decisions will go through me. I'll send out an email later to set up our next meeting. [the study group murmurs in agreement] Abed: [in Southern accent] Temporal?! Mutation?! In English, doc! [in normal accent] Simply put: Mr. President, in five hours, these dinosaurs will become… Frankie: Mind if I sit here? Abed: …Time-osaurs. Go ahead. I can reshoot. Frankie: How’s everything going? Abed: I have concerns. Frankie: I’d like to hear them. Abed: I’m worried you’re not distinct enough from Annie, both in terms of physicality and purpose. Frankie: Okay. Abed: I can’t determine if you have any specific flaw, quirk, or point of view that makes you a creative edition to the group. Frankie: I don’t know what that means, but I’m writing it down. Abed: My umbrella concern is that you as a character represent the end of what I used to call “our show”, which was once an unlikely family of misfit students, and is now a pretty loose-knit group of students and teachers, none of whom are taking a class together in a school which, as of your arrival, is becoming increasingly grounded, asking questions like, “How do any of us get our money?” “When will we get our degrees?” and “What happened to that girl I was dating?” as opposed to questions I consider more important like “What is real?” “What is sanity?” “Is there a God?” “Where’s that Pierce hologram?” Jeff said last year he saw a Pierce hologram. None of the rest of us have ever seen it, so if there’s a Pierce ghost on campus, I’d like to get a head-start on busting it. Frankie: …Alright. This is the first I’ve heard that I’m a character on a show; I’m excited to be one, but I agree I’ll be a boring one. Quirks are not my strong-suit; results are. I love quirky people; I come from a big family of people who are literally insane; I moved out here to take care of one of them. But I myself am exceptionally boring, and I am quite proud to be that way, because it allows me to help the less boring people and turn quirks into results. Abed: That’s the most interesting take on not being interesting I’ve ever heard. Frankie: As far as what I represent on your show, I wouldn’t give me or anyone else that kind of power. Good shows change…I assume. Personally, I don’t own a TV. Abed: You’re the first person to say that that I didn’t immediately delete from my brain. Frankie: Thank you. Police Officer: RAID! Frankie: Is this what you guys want? You wanna play Cops and Robbers with costumes? Jeff: Why is that guy a carrot? Frankie: Because they ran out. Britta: Who tattled? Frankie: In what world, Britta, do you see this as covert enough to require tattling? You built a bar in a school! There was lumber involved! I have been letting you hole up down here because it kept you contained and satisfied. Because you are all compulsively defiant. But it wasn't enough. You had to drag Abed back in, and Abed deserves better! Britta: It finally comes out! "Abed deserves better!" Leonard: That's been out? Britta: Shut up, Leonard! I once mistook six people for you at a pharmacy! Abed: It's not their fault, Frankie. I chose this. These are my friends. I hate emailing Diane; she can't commit to a font. It's pathological, and so am I. This is where I belong. Frankie: I know you think that, Abed, but you don't know any better. [awkward silence] Leonard: Whoops. Frankie: Shut up, Leonard! You are...you are old! And you deserve less because of your age! I don't - I don't actually believe that; I'm just trying - I'm just trying to... And everyone here is a...is a fart! A livid fart from the butt of a lesser god! And I'm - I'm better than this... [Frankie leaves] Frankie: In terms of hierarchy, I'm a big believer in it. Someone needs to say I'm in charge, and that person is me. That's my decision. Employer: ...Wait, what? Frankie: I'm sorry...? Employer: Who talks like that? Why would anyone hire someone so pompous? Miss Dart, word of advice: start changing your personality, or start looking for companies run by insane people. [as if on cue, Jeff and Abed burst into the room] Jeff: DON'T HIRE THIS WOMAN! Abed: Fifth time's the charm. He barged into four other offices screaming, "DON'T HIRE THIS WOMAN!" Employer: What the hell is going on?! Frankie: What are you doing here? How did you even find me? Abed: I emailed Diane. She knows way too much about your schedule, by the way. Jeff: Whatever he's offering you, Greendale...well, we can't double it. We probably can't even match it. Whatever he's offering you, Greendale will give you less - and an apology. Employer: Do you know-? Frankie: [shushes the employer] It's not enough. But maybe if you added more apologies... Abed: Like, a montage of them? Jeff & Abed: ...We're sorry. Lawnmower Maintenance and Postnatal Care [6.02] Dean Pelton: JESUS WEPT! Frankie: He deleted the serial number; Jeff, help me out here! Jeff: I don't get paid enough for this... Frankie: How much do you think you're going to get paid if I have to find five grand in the budget? Jeff: You're not the new Annie. You're the new Abed. Frankie: I don't know what that means yet. Basic Crisis Room Decorum [6.03] Frankie: I found the smell. Someone filed a taco. Things that will otherwise get filed straight to my thighs. Annie: Hmm. So I know you agree with me that we need to find the truth, but...do you agree that the truth won't be horrible? Frankie: I'm not psychic, Annie; that's an illusion caused by extreme preparedness. Annie: But...what do you hope is true? Frankie: Oh God, no. I never hope. Hope is pouting in advance. Hope is faith's richer, bitchier sister. Hope is the deformed, addict-bound, incest monster offspring of entitlement and fear. My life results tripled the year I gave up hope and every game on my phone that had to do with farming. What's true will be true, Annie. Our job is to deal with that truth. Annie: You sound a little like Jeff. Frankie: Jeff said I sound like Abed. I wonder if Britta thinks I sound like Chang. I assume Chang thinks I sound like distant explosions and crying babies; you know he's unstable, right? Annie: Yep. Frankie: A transcript for Ruffles. Annie: You think that's our guy? Frankie: I do. [Frankie opens the transcript to Annie] Annie: Oh my God... Frankie: So many classes... [notices Annie crying] See what hope does? Annie: Screw you, Frankie! Frankie: I'm sorry, Annie, but I don't think you're seeing this for what it is. Annie: It's a transcript for a dog! A really, really long one! It's proof that Jeff was right; this school has no value! Frankie: Yeah, but this folder has no degree. Look. Annie: What's that? Frankie: Victory. You know, in the context of Greendale. Queer Studies & Advanced Waxing [6.04] Abed: The wi-fi's still broken. Frankie: What happened to "good morning"? Abed: It's a bad morning - no wi-fi. Jeff': Yeah, we really need wi-fi. Frankie: Okay, let's not get carried away. We need oxygen. Elroy: We have oxygen; we need wi-fi. Dean Pelton: Get ready, America! Dean Pelton is coming out as approximately two-sevenths of what he is! Laws of Robotics and Party Rights [6.05] Jeff: Did you just try to murder me? Are you trying to murder me? You're trying as hard as you can right now to kill me. Okay, well... I guess I'll see you in class tomorrow? Guy who tried to murder me... Willy: Oh, I'll see you in class tomorrow, Mr. Winger. I will see you... Basic Email Security [6.06] Dean Pelton: Britta, you saw what they did to the lunch lady. You wanna guess how much better my emails are? You want me to call a press conference and say, "now do me"? Britta: No! I'll do it. [stands up] Let them leak me! Annie: [stands up] I'm not letting you do this alone. Frankie: Screw it. [stands up] I'm in. Abed: [stands up] Someone has to be the last one that stands up, and now, that someone isn't me. Chang: [stands up] I kinda zoned out. I assume we're standing to go see Avengers? Elroy: These guys are giving hackers a bad name. [stands up] And "hacker" is already such a dumb name. Jeff: I'm not an idealist; I'm a pragmatist. And it's never pragmatic to piss you guys off, so... [stands up] Fine. Dean Pelton: Guys, this is so inspiring. I guess...just let me know how it goes. No matter what happens, I'm with you! But don't tell anyone I'm with you; if you do, I'll deny it. But I'm with you here and now! Not literally "here and now"; right now, I'm leaving. But I will always have been with you secretly- bye. Advanced Safety Features [6.07] Annie: Britta, remember that guy you were in love with, but your love was torn asunder because he was the human incarnation of a certain sandwich franchise? Britta: Sub- Annie: Don't say it! Never say that name without compensation! I know how much that experience hurt you, which is why I'm warning you that I just saw him in the parking lot. Britta: [gasps] Annie: Breathe. The self-destructive part of you wants to run straight to him, but we need to be smarter than that, right? Britta: Right. Thank you, Annie. Annie: Now, I have one more class, but if you could wait...[turns around] 40 minutes, I will meet- [Britta takes off towards the parking lot] Annie: Nuh-uh! [Frankie walks into Dean Pelton’s office to find it filled with Honda merchandise] Frankie: What is this? Dean Pelton: I don’t know. I…I don’t know. Frankie: Honda… Dean Pelton: The power of dreams… Frankie: Dean Pelton, I know how susceptible you are to advertising. Dean Pelton: Would you say that I’m a level seven susceptible? Frankie: No, because why would I? Because that’s moon man talk. You mentioned a new kid earlier who told you about the new Honda Fit? Dean Pelton: Rick. Frankie: Britta’s boyfriend? Dean Pelton: Yeah, but he’s not…no. He’s a good man. And he wouldn’t secretly be working for Honda because when we first met, he was secretly working for a completely different company. Frankie: Are you-? I don’t…know how to… I have a rule about being constructive, so I can’t ask any questions right now because all of the questions I have right now are rhetorical, and they end with the word “idiot”. Do you know what a rhetorical-? No, of course you don’t know what that is; you’re an idiot. I’m sorry! I am so sorry, but you’re so stupid, you have no idea! And you’re the only one who has no idea, because guess why? Don’t answer that; you’ll get it wrong. Aw, so dumb. You’re just a dumb little man who tries to destroy this school every minute… I am sorry! I’m so sorry! [Dean Pelton cries and hugs Frankie] Frankie: Oh! Oh, it’s okay. I mean, it’s not okay, but… [shushes] Aw, so stupid… Such a dummy… Intro to Recycled Cinema [6.08] Annie: Get to the escape pods! Britta: You really picked that outfit? Annie: Britta! Jeff: It's Meridian. Keep going. Britta: Insane. And what is your name - "Exploitia"? Annie: Scorpio Nine! I'm a pleasure droid! No, I'm an assassin? Jeff: You're both. Keep going. She was a pleasure droid, she got turned into an assassin, she's now the daughter; that's your sister. Annie: Get to the escape pods! And then we go! This way! Abed: Check on Chief Star, Jeff. Jeff: Chief Starr? Chang: What? Jeff: I'll see you in hell. Chang: What? Grifting 101 [6.09] Jeff: [gasps] Oh no, grifters! I better watch my French fries unless... [gasps] Counterfeit! Where'd you learn to do that? Abed: We didn't learn anything. That class is- Jeff: A ripoff? Hmm, what's another word for that? Elroy: All he did was throw his hat and make us pass briefcases. Abed: And he kept trying to sell us stuff. Briefcase swapping talcum for "grifter's palm", briefcase hinge oil for silence switcheroos, and something called extra-believable socks. Those are actually half-off; I kind of feel like I grifted him. Jeff: So, in a sense, what happened is you took a class about grifting. And... Annie: Jeff, do you really need us to say it? You were- Jeff: Eh, whoa, whoa! Yeah, I need you to say it. Let me just get settled. Okay, go. Annie: You were right. Jeff: [tenses up in pleasure] Yeah... Well, you live and you learn, guys. Well, you live anyway. Basic RV Repair and Palmistry [6.10] Frankie: ...And that solves the matter of the giant hand. If there's no other business- Dean Pelton: Oh, there's some business. Abed: Yeah, there's business. When we tie the hand to the roof, we'd like you to use extra thick straps, please. Dean Pelton: Extra thick. Abed: Extra thick straps! Dean Pelton: Reinforced. Jeff: Alright, meeting adjourned. Great. [gets stunned by Dean Pelton's taser] AAGH! Abed & Dean Pelton: [chanting while dancing] Extra thick straps! Extra thick straps! Extra thick straps! Extra thick straps! [Thirty standard galactic time units later...] Space Elder Frankie: So sad what happened here, all those centons ago. Space Elder Abed: So sad. So preventable. Space Elder Frankie: Space Elder Abed, can you reach backwards with your mind and save our species? Space Elder Abed: I can. Space Elder Britta: I'm Space Elder Britta! [pause] What are you guys talking about? Modern Espionage [6.11] Frankie: Names. Give me names or you're expelled; that's simple. Starburns: I told ya, I don't know nothing about no secret paintball games. This is from huffing paint, I swear! Frankie: Escort Alex Osborne off campus. Starburns: Hey, hey, hey! Hold your horse panties! You didn't tell me you knew my name! Look, I was about to take Todd out and then we both got shot. Guy was invisible - a ghost. Uses silver bullets. Frankie: A ghost. So no name? Starburns: I'd call him "Silver Ghost", but that's probably already taken by an indie comic book or a terrible tequila. Frankie: Bye forever, Starburns. Starburns: No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Wedding Videography [6.12] Annie: Do you want flashy forward, or cherry and classic? Britta: Do you have black? [Annie gives a beleaguered sigh] Britta: That's a no. That beleaguered sigh means, "no, I can't have black nails". Abed: Don't look at the camera. Annie: You absolutely can, and we all will when our bodies decompose. Abed: Please don't Jim the camera like that. Annie: Jim the camera? Britta: The color black hasn't had anything to do with death or edginess since '89. My accountant has black nails. Annie: Your what?! Britta: Don't jump on that. My accountant; it's a figure of speech. Annie: It's a form of speech called "making things up". [there's a knock on Abed's apartment door] Britta: Abed, can you get that? Abed: I can film you getting it. Britta: It's open! Annie: Is it? Britta: I dunno; let's see. [Frankie walks through the door holding her dress on a hanger] Annie & Britta: Frankie! Frankie: So I didn't put my wedding clothes on, like you said. So we can get dressed together and be girls together. This is gonna be fun. [cut to Frankie's interview with Abed] Frankie: Annie and Britta told me to come over and get ready with them for Garrett's wedding. I didn't say no. Who says no to something like that? A cold, off-putting, incompatible person. The kind of person that turns a sleepover into a-a-a stoning. I had rocks thrown at me. Biblical, igneous, jagged, hateful, pointy, ninja rocks, and that's not gonna happen again. Emotional Consequences of Broadcast Television [6.13] Frankie: So, Abed, what happens in season 7? Abed: I don't know how likely season 7 is. I mean, what show ever peaks after season 6? Chang: Simpsons, Seinfeld, South Park, Friends... Abed: Those shows weren't hemorrhaging characters every year. Dean Pelton: I don't like that word, hemorrhaging. Frankie: I'll...see...what I can do...? Abed: There is skill to it. More importantly, it has to be joyful, effortless, fun. TV defeats its own purpose when it’s pushing an agenda or trying to defeat other TV or being proud or ashamed of itself for existing. It’s TV. It’s comfort. It’s a friend you’ve known so well and for so long. You just let it be with you. And it needs to be okay for it to have a bad day, or phone in a day. And it needs to be okay for it to get on a boat with Levar Burton and never come back…because eventually, it all will. [Britta starts crying] Abed: I’m fine. Britta: [sobbing] I know… It’s not just that… It’s just such a classic mistake, but…I got really attached to my pitch. I had a soundtrack in my head and everything… Jeff: I love that I got to be with you guys. Chang: Gay. Jeff: You saved my life and changed it forever. Chang: Gayyyy! Jeff: Thank you. [the group embrace for one final group hug] Chang: [sobbing] I'm gay... I'm for real gay... I'M LEGIT GAY...! [last lines of the series] Narrator: Community, the hit show, is now a board game! Daughter: More like an "I'm bored" game. Dad: Shut up, Leonard! You look like a German puppet maker and smell like the inside of a church! Narrator: Blah, blah, blah, commercial video describing the rules of gameplay. Son: I like you, Leonard...as a friend. Mom: Ooh! Sorry, Britta, but that friendship just got a benefit! Narrator: Collect all the other players' identities and be the first to figure out if the game is part of the show, or... Dad: I got it! The whole show is happening inside this game! Son: Then explain this! [holds up a small booklet] Daughter: What is it? Dad: It's a script... of a fake commercial at the end of season six starring this family... Son: Sorry, Dad; guess I win. Dad: You stupid child. Nobody's winning anything. Don’t you see? This means we don't exist. We're not created by God; we're created by a joke. We were never born, and we will never actually live. [The family falls into silence mixed with confusion and astonishment and stare at the table as the camera zooms out to the box of Community: The Game board game.] Narrator: Dice not included. Some assembly required. Lines between perception, desire, and reality may become blurred, redundant, or interchangeable. Characters may hook up with no regard for your emotional investment. Some episodes too conceptual to be funny. Some too funny to be immersive, and some so immersive they still aren't funny. Consistency between seasons may vary. Viewers may be measured by a secretive obsolete system based on selected participants keeping handwritten journals of what they watch. Show may be cancelled and moved to the internet where it turns out tens of millions were watching the whole time. May not matter. Fake commercial may end with disclaimer gag which may descend into vain Chuck Lorre-esque rant by narcissistic creator. Creator may be unstable. Therapist may have told creator this is not how you make yourself a good person. Life may pass by while we ignore and mistreat those close to us. Those close to us may be those watching. Those people may want to know I love them, but I may be incapable of saying it. ...Contains pieces the size of a child's esophagus. Category:Community seasons