CSI: NY (season 1)

Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 | Main CSI: NY (September 2004 – February 2013) is an American police procedural television series set in New York City. It is a spinoff of CSI: Crime Scene Investigation and CSI: Miami. Blink [1.01] Mac: Detective Flack… Don: Called you the second I got word. Caucasian female, late 20s, no I.D. Some guy jogging his dog found her and called 911. Ran his name… He's harmless. I think he's all about the dog, you know. Mac: Where is she? [sees the body] Body's in a characteristic position… supine. Legs are crossed over, arms flailed out to her sides. Dump job. Don: Rape, dump? Mac: She wasn't killed here. There's no scuff marks on the knees. Nails are intact. It appears putrefaction has set in. She's starting to bloat up a bit. Which could explain the inconsistency of her belt. See the wear? It's two notches off. If the killer re-dressed her, he did it at considerable amount of time after death. Don: Why would he dress her back up? Mac: I don't know. What I do know is… he took the time. Someone out there is missing a wife. Jason: I never saw that house. I swear on my grandmother. Don: Let me arrest him for swearing on his grandmother. Stella: What time did you get in? Mac: I never went home. Stella: Can't sleep? Mac: What's sleep? [sitting with their comatose victim in the hospital] Mac: I used to sit like this with my wife. Her name was Claire. She died, on 9/11. Nobody saw it coming. I was cleaning out the closet the other day and I found this beach ball. And I remembered it was my wife who blew it up. I never told anybody this, but I got rid of everything that reminded me of Claire; too painful. The one thing I couldn't throw away...was that beach ball. Her breath is still in there. Danny: Morning, dear. Stella: Do I have a tail back there? Danny: Sorry. Morning, Stella. Stella: Better. Danny: You hear about that body? Stella: The one by the River Cafe? Yeah, I caught it on the police portable when I was in the shower. Danny: Why doesn't that surprise me? Stella: The job never stops, Danny. Danny: No pictures, no personal effects, not a partial, nothing. What's this guy live in, gloves? Aiden: [shining blacklight on a sheet with semen traces] I'm gettin' all kinds of love over here. Danny: I think he got tipped off. Aiden: I think he got off. Creatures of the Night [1.02] Mac: [to Stella] Use your head, not your heart. [Flack apprehends a suspect at a restaurant] Suspect: Hey! I didn’t do nothing man. Flack: Yeah? You got steak sauce all over my shoes. Stella: She was in Central Park. Mac: Looks like we've got ourselves an 800-acre crime scene. Mac: Aiden's on rodent patrol, I'm waiting to do a rat-topsy. Stella: Rape and rats. Worlds apart. Aiden: NYPD. Crime Scene Investigators. Shop-keeper: You people deal with rats? Aiden: Only when they have eaten our evidence. American Dreamers [1.03] Mac: If this is a joke, I'm not laughing. These bones are real. [A skeleton has been found on a tour bus in Times Square] Stella: How long is this tour? [Mac looks at her disbelievingly] That's funny. [A piece of paper was retrieved from the dead teenager on which only three letters could be read] Stella: Playing hangman? Mac: Actually, yes. But I've run out of letters. Mac: Reality rarely lives up to expectation. Especially if you're a teenager. Stella: If this case taught us anything, it was to live life. Grand Master [1.04] [They arrive at a Japanese restaurant known for serving food on half-naked women] Stella: Now that can't be sanitary. Danny: Who cares if it's sanitary? I wanna see the menu. Stella: Are you going to be able to focus? Danny: [watching a half-naked woman walking by] I'm all over it. Flack: George Thomas. Assault in the first degree. Aggravated assault in the second degree. Criminal possession of a weapon. I can go on, but I already read War and Peace. [They just arrested a young woman at the sushi bar] Danny: Here we are looking for the murderer at the table... Stella: And here, the murderer is the table. Mac: You should hear Aiden talk about this hip-hop world. Close your eyes, she sounds like Queen Latifah. Hawkes: What do you know about Queen Latifah? A Man A Mile [1.05] Danny: [to Tom Zito] I guess that dent in your head only affects the things you want to forget. Danny: I don't know how these guys work down here. Mac: The same way we're going to. Rock by rock. Mac: Are you bathophobic? Danny: I'm not anything-phobic. There are just a few things that shake me up. 700 feet of granite between me and daylight is one of them. Tom Zito: If it's deeper than a grave and it's in New York City, the sandhogs built it. Commuter tunnels, subway tunnels, water tunnels. Without us, there's no New York City. Mac: [seeing the DA waiting for them at the elevators] Personal visit from the DA's office? Danny: What happened? You got lost on your way to a press conference? Or are you just checking up on us? Outside Man [1.06] Hawkes: Apart from the fact of it not being attached to a person, there's nothing wrong with this finger. [Stella talks to wife of man obsessed with amputating his leg] Stella: You'll have to make arrangements with the ME's office for his body. Wife: He didn't want his body when he was alive. I certainly don't want it now that he's dead. Danny: Criminals are like animals. They leave tracks, we follow them. Danny: [after finding a key piece of evidence in the garbage] Next time I say a case is in the garbage, remind me of this moment? Danny: [after matching up tear marks on a bag] This case is in the bag. Rain [1.07] Stella: There's something gooey here. Mac: Gooey? There's a good forensic word. Gooey. I'll have to use that more. Mac: Some sort of 'gooey' residue on the top of the piece of paper. Stella: [smirks] Great choice of words. [Flack walks up to Willet with Aiden while introducing themselves as cops] Luther Willett: Wow, cops round here just get prettier every day. Flack: Watch it. Luther Willet: Oh, hey, don't get upset. I just got out of prison. You both look good to me. [Willet smirks] Mac: And you're sure this came from Hummel's gun? Danny: Absolutely. He doesn't deny discharging his weapon. Mac: But? Danny: If Marvin's story is true about what happened, and he was shooting at the bad guys -- this bullet discharged from his gun and stopped midair and then turned left and then hit the pillar. Flack: Gotta wear a mask to a bank robbery. It's a rule. Three Generations Are Enough [1.08] Mac: A paranoid schizophrenic's worst nightmare. Stella: He doesn't just think we're out to get him. We are. Danny: With all this cash lying around, you'd think a guy could afford new rounds. Mac: With all the evidence we've collected, you'd think we could find Charles Langdon. [Paul Streyzewski is saying how he kissed the vic] Flack: Now, how does that thought process work? 'There's the mother of my child on the ground dead. I should probably call 9-1-1 but let me get a little action first.' [Hawkes and Stella are figuring out Trina's official cause of death] Stella: So, we've got a murder. [Hawkes nods] Stella: Now all we have to do is find the crime scene that goes with it. Mac: Somebody went to a lot of trouble to file those serial numbers off. Aiden: And I went to a lot of trouble to acid etch them back on. Officer Blue [1.09] Mac: You're a fine CSI, Stella. I can honestly say, I wouldn't do this job without you. Stella: Yes, you would. You just wouldn't be as good. Mac: [smiles] Maybe. Flack: We sent the word out and got next to nothing. I spoke to a lot of eyewitnesses. I got everything under the sun. He was shot from a tree. He fell off his horse and shot himself. One lady said aliens came down. This city's full of nuts. Flack: [to Willey Chancey] Your last call was 18 minutes long. What? Was she giving you phone sex? Chancey: Yeah. You want the number? Stella: We haven't had a fight like that in a long time. Reminds me of the old Mac Taylor. Mac: What old Mac Taylor is that? Stella: The one who let his heart out of his chest every once in a while. Jerald Brown: Willie and I just picked any pig cop. An eye for an eye. Mac: You shot a New York City police officer. He wasn't just a cop, he was somebody's son. He made somebody proud at home. When you shot him through the back, you shot those people through the heart. [Mac stands up] From where I stand... you're the one that should be put to death. No trial, no jury. Eye for an eye. Night, Mother [1.10] [Aiden tries to pick the pocket of a training dummy without ringing the bell, but she can't] Danny: You're such a girl. Aiden: [smacking him in the head] Shut up. Flack: I'm telling you, Mac, she killed Rachel Camden. Mac: What's your rush to put this woman away? Flack: You saw her. What's your rush not to? Mac: In all my years of doing this, there's one thing I've learned. Sometimes the slam dunks are the most deceiving. Stella: You know what they say about keeping condoms in your wallet? Jason: They get holes. Stella: Just like your story. [Stella has confronted a suspect about a murdered woman] Jason: I fell in love with her. Stella: Trust me. You're gonna get plenty of love where you're going. Stella: Uh-oh. Mac: What? Stella: You hear that? Mac: Hear what? Stella: It's your mind racing again. Tri-Borough [1.11] Aiden: So, mass spec went crazy with this odor that we found from our head wound vic. I've got words here longer than DiMaggio's hit streak. Flack: Deodorizers? That guy smelled like ass! Mac: Slick was dead before he hit the subway tracks. Stella: So, we're looking at an electrocution to cover up an electrocution. Aiden: [figures out that a frozen chunk of human excrement had fallen from the sky and killed the victim] Holy crap! Aiden: Anybody see anything? Flack: When does anybody ever see anything? Flack: You're telling me a crapsicle killed this guy? Recycling [1.12] Stella: All right, Danny. How does the DNA from the fingernail scrapings on the knife not match Brett Stokes? I mean, she's got 'motive' tattooed on her forehead. Danny: Hey, don't kill the messenger...see what I did there? Stella: Cute.[Stella has just won a bet that she and Mac made on the outcome of the dog show] Mac: You're going to make me pay? Stella: Yeah, I'm going to make you pay. Mac: I thought you were kidding. Stella: Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant. [Danny is looking through a ladies' magazine, looking for a sample of lotion found on a murder weapon] Stella: You know, if you wanted beauty tips, all you had to do was ask. Danny: Did you know that waterproof mascara dries out your eyelashes? That's amazing![Danny and Stella question a pedophile about a murder] Danny: Usually when you stab somebody, you know the guy's name. It's just common courtesy. Theodore Gates: Well, I didn't stab anyone. [to Stella] What on earth is he talking about? Stella: Your DNA was found on the knife that was used to stab Michael Starling. Theodore Gates: I see. Was it a Swiss Army Knife? Danny: Nice job, you got it on the first try. Theodore Gates: [to Stella] Is it necessary that he be here? Danny: What? What's the matter, am I too old for you?[the magazine vendor, Mark Stutz, just explained he stabbed the messenger because he was sick and tired of bikers acting like they own the area]Stella: [disgusted] Pedestrian rage. Why do I even ask? [at that moment, a bike messenger speeds by, giving little warning, almost running Stella over] Stella: Son of a bitch! Mark Stutz: Makes you want to murder 'em, don't it? Stella: Get in the car. Tanglewood [1.13] Mac: We've got the best forensics tool money can't buy. Snow.[Stella sees a Derek Jeter bobblehead on the dashboard of an SUV she and Mac are processing] Stella: Who is that on the dashboard? Mickey Mantle? Mac: Looks kind of like Derek Jeter. Stella: Derek Jeter from the Yankees, right? Mac: Yeah. Stella: Didn't they get beat by Boston or something? Mac: We were up three to zero and then we got swept. But we're trying to forget that. Stella: I'm not much into baseball, but A-Rod's kind of hot. Danny: So this is where it all goes down. Aiden: Or up. Make sure you keep your gloves on. Danny: You know, I didn't think it would be this clean. Aiden: Come on. Act like you've never been to a place like this before. Danny: You kidding me? I've got girlfriends for that. Why would I pay? Aiden: All right, you. You're paying one way or another, trust me. Stella: Hey Mac, I got pearls. Mac: Pearls? From who? Stella: Not those kinds of pearls. I've got good news on our case. [to Sonny Sassone, a member of the self-proclaimed "next generation" of the Mafia] Mac: Let me tell you something about the Mob. Back in their heyday, these old timers, they dealt in death and violence because of one thing: business. Not sport. They were smart. You punks are idiots. Blood, Sweat, and Tears [1.14] Mac: The stereotype is kids run away to join the circus. Where do kids already in the circus go? Stella: Apparently the elephant enclosure.[after finding a body in a box]Mac: Pretty sure this isn't the buried treasure our swimmer had in mind. Stella: Coney Island, February, water's 35 degrees. These people still find the need to take a dip, I don't get it. Mac: That's why you're not a polar bear. Flack: Both the super and the downstairs neighbor say they haven't seen her in over a week. Danny: Yeah, well that don't mean anything. I've lived in my apartment over three years now. My neighbors don't recognize me. Flack: Better hope you don't go missing, pal. Jason Cartey: I am not a criminal. Flack: Yes, you are. We're just trying to figure out what kind. Stella: Until now I never really believed people were double-jointed. Mac: They're not. There's no such thing as double-jointed. It's just people with very loose tendons and muscles. Til Death Do We Part [1.15] Mac: It could happen to you, you know. Danny: What, marriage? Mac: Love. Danny: Don't even joke about that, Mac. It's not funny. Aiden: Did you find anything else? Flack: I haven't gone in yet. Aiden: What?? Flack, you little scaredy cat, you don't believe these stories about this place being haunted? Flack: I was doing my job, Aiden: getting statements from witnesses. Aiden: Stel, you smell that? Stella: Yeah. Chicken. Well, I did hear the one about the monk who went crazy and killed the others is true. Flack: The 1-2-2 gets calls about strange noises coming from this place all the time. Aiden: Will you stop? That's just an old urban legend. Stella: Aiden, I think you'd better hold Flack's hand. Flack: Yeah, okay...cute. Flack: Lot of high school kids hang out here. Initiations, gangs, satanic rituals... Aiden: A good place to get high...or get laid. Maka: [about Hannah Bloom] Gives a whole new meaning to the term 'cold feet'. Danny: If I said something like that, you'd call me insensitive. Maka: No, I'd ask if you wanted to get a drink later. I'm attracted to a man with a dark sense of humor. Mac: Do you two want to be alone? I'll just drag the body outside. Audrey: Walter dumped me and I was angry, but I got over it. Look, Walter introduced me to Hannah, I liked her we became friends, what motive do I possibly have to kill her? Mac: Walter Lisco is worth over $50 million. Audrey: Well I promised my mother I'd marry for love. Mac: Who couldn't love $50 million? Hush [1.16] [Stella and Mac stare at the flattened victim] Stella: I'm going to call Hawkes. Mac: Tell him to bring a spatula. Danny: You hungry? Aiden: Yeah Danny: Grab a bite to eat? [Aiden nods] Danny: I'll drive. Put you on the hood? Aiden: [she smacks his arm] Put you on the hood. [Danny laughs] Danny: You take the bottom. I'll take the top. Aiden: I like being on top. Danny: What? You getting freaky with me because we got the bondage case? Danny: Get that to Jane Parsons in DNA. Aiden: Okay Danny: [cracks whip] NOW! Det. Vicaro: [to Aiden and Danny who have just arrived at the crime scene] Hey, do you guys want to identify yourselves? Danny: Excuse me? Det. Vicaro: I'm not recognizing faces, do you want to identify yourselves? Danny: Who are you the crime scene troll? You want us to identify ourselves, you see the kits, you know who we are. The Fall [1.17] Danny: Most feared man in New York dies from fear of his own wife. Aiden: And she was the only one that loved him. Flack: I really wish I wasn't a part of this. Stella: Well, Mac wants to make sure you are. Flack: He obviously enjoys seeing me nail a friend. [investigating the scene above the canopy] Aiden: Well, too bad birds can't talk because there's a robin's nest like twelve feet away. Danny: Bird's-eye view. Aiden: [laughing] You had to say it, right? Danny: What are ya gonna do? Flack: Mac? Mac: What? Flack: If it was his son... Mac: Flack, I need your head on straight. Flack: It is. Stella [about her training officer] I ran into mine a month ago. I swear, if I were Chief of Police, he'd still call me 'Toots'. The Dove Commission [1.18] Aiden: [walking into a strip club] Holy boob-job, Batman. Danny: How's it going with the gypsy cab driver? Did you bring him back to life so he can just tell us who killed him? Hawkes: I haven't attended that seminar yet. [Danny is questioning a Mr. Arnold, who just admitted to being at a strip club] Danny: I'm sure you were just sharing stock tips with her, right? What's her name? Mr Arnold: Savannah. But, you know, I don't think it was her real name. Danny: Nah. You think? Hawkes: You know what my favorite games was when I was a kid? Mac: Jacks? Sheldon: Operation. [He holds up a pair of tweezers and then uses them to remove a bullet from the body of a gunshot victim] Mac: His nose didn't buzz red. Well done! Crimes & Misdemeanors [1.19] Mac: [to Stella] I love the smell of a cover-up in the afternoon, don't you? Stella: What do you do when you can't sleep? Mac: Work. Stella: What do normal people do when they can't sleep? [Mac looks confused] They flip the pillows to the cooler side! [Mac realizes what she means and they flip the mattress to show a yellow discolored spot] Bleach heaven! I'm starting to get frustrated! Mac: [uses his knife and cuts down to the springs showing blood] Don't get mad...Get even! Tom Martin: Your tactics don't frighten me. Mac: It's not my tactics you need to worry about. It's my results. Mac So she came in with the sheets? Where'd they come from? Flack: Hotels. Don't worry there's only about seventy thousand hotels in this town. Stella: And about seventy thousand possible motives! Mac: I'll take those odds! Tom Martin: There are a lot of men in this country who look like me. Average. Mac Don't sell yourself short. You're unique. Or at least your blood is. Supply and Demand [1.20] Flack: There's nothing more depressing than looking at a rich kid's moneyline. [Stella and Flack just leave a loud altercation with Jordan, her father, and their lawyer] Flack: When I'm the cooler head, you know you blew it. Stella: I blew it? What about Buffy the friend-slayer over there? Hawkes: The fatal shot to the head was an act of mercy after the beating he took. Mac: What did the witness see? Flack: Nothing. She heard a ruckus through her wall, then the gunshot, discovered him here. Mac: She ran towards the sound of a gunshot? Must not be a New Yorker. Flack: [grinning] She's from South Carolina. The whole building's full of students. Aiden: Give me your hands. Shaun Deroy: What's the magic word? Aiden: Hands! Shaun Deroy: I wonder how much damage I could do in the two seconds it would take that guard to get in here. Aiden: Palms up! Shaun Deroy: I believe I asked you a question. Aiden: And I'm tellin' you to step back! Shaun Deroy: Why don't you make... [Aiden tasers him] On the Job [1.21] Stella: Any idea what they used to hit her? Hawkes: There's granular particulate matter in her wound. At first I thought it was dirt, but then I took it under the autopsy scope: feldspar, quartz, and a pinch of mica. Stella: Granite. Hawkes: Yeah. Stella: So, the murder weapon was a rock. Hawkes: And judging from the head wound, I would be looking for a rock with a V-shaped edge. Stella: [sarcastically] Oh, well that's good to know. Narrows down my search. Mac: You are the man of many talents. Hawkes: You know, there was this time I wanted to be a sculptor. [Mac looks surprised] Flack: Don't hang yourself, Danny. Danny: You want to know what this feels like? It feels like I'm already being hung. The Closer [1.22] [Stella's pager goes off] Stella: Dispatch, I have the feeling it's going to be a very busy day. Want to switch jobs? Hawkes: Oh, yeah, sure. You'll be cutting off that guy's right arm and left leg. Stella: I'm leaving now. Thank you. Stella: Why haven't you taken your wedding ring off? Mac: Because, uh, I don't know. I don't want to. Aiden: How does a potential shortstop become a crime-scene investigator? Danny: That's real easy. Get into a fight, break your wrist, and then graduate from the police academy, top of my class. Aiden: Dangerous, Danny Messer. Danny: Very dangerous. Mac: When the Towers fell and Claire died, it was the clearest definition of what is unjust and unfair in this world, and I was powerless to do anything about it. Mac: [examining the woman who was hit by a car] No clothes, no shoes, no handbag, just lace. Stella: If this is the new look for spring, you can count me out. What You See is What You See [1.23] Mac: [to Stella] That's what I like about you; you always get the details right. Mac: Make any headway with the D.A. finding out who's handling our C.I.? Flack: Textbook example of an departmental turf battle -- Steve Collins might as well be handled by E.T., as far as I can find out. Mac: That's why we don't rely on eyewitness testimony. I saw what I saw, but the evidence knows what was really going on. [Mac is out on his first "date" since his wife died] Rose Whitley: I didn't think you'd come. Mac: I'm here. Mac: [to a captured counterfeiter] Once Steve came out of the bathroom, it all would have gone down as you planned it. Except something happened: I walked in. You may be an expert on the manipulation of bistable colorstaric crystals, but you wouldn't know a police officer if one walked right by you. Clark made me the second I walked in. Category:CSI: NY seasons