Frasier (season 11)

Season 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 | Main Frasier was an American TV situation comedy, a spin-off of the television show Cheers, which aired from 1993–2004. It follows the life of a psychiatrist who has returned to his home town of Seattle to reconnect with his father and brother following his divorce and rebuild his life as a talk radio host and high society socialite. No Sex Please, We're Skittish [11.01] Frasier and Roz recall the occasion when they slept together two years previously Frasier: I seem to recall hearing the term “stallion-like” Roz: I never said that Frasier: Well, one of us did! Daphne and Niles have just read the pregnancy test Niles: But my slow sperm... Daphne: I must have fast eggs! A Man, A Plan, A Gal: Julia [11.02] Niles has observed Frasier's unfortunate dating pattern Frasier: I'd like to strike you, of course, but you speak the truth! Niles is encouraging Frasier to commit to commitment. Despite the glib expression, he is inspired Frasier: I am going to call Julia, and I will not take "no" for an answer! I may have walked in here the old fault-finding, flaw-fleeing Flasier, but I leave a man committed to commitment! Niles: [grinning] You said Flasier. Frasier: I did not! The Doctor Is Out [11.03] Alistair Burke has just appeared in Café Nervosa Frasier: He is only the head of the Seattle Opera Guild, and one of the finest directors in the world! Niles: His productions are brilliant! He staged a Philip Glass opera last year and no one left. Martin: Let's see. One of my sons just got picked up by a guy. My other son is jealous. Yep, life is good! Alistair Burke: Frasier, this apartment is stunning. Frasier: Thank you. Alistair Burke: The view - breathtaking; the art - perfect; the chair - hilarious. The Babysitter [11.04] Frasier finds Ronee in the middle of her musical entertainment at the Wellington Ronee: I'm gonna take a little break. Try not to kill yourselves from disappointment. Both Martin and Frasier are trying to humiliate each other in a bid for Ronee's attention Frasier: Dad, you know, you really ought to slow down there. [to Ronee] You know, at his age, one slip and it's the ICU and then it's I-see-ya later. Martin: Well, I wouldn't worry about me, Fras'. I don't feel any older now than I did when you were parading around in your mother's heels. [everyone laughs] Of course, that was just last Christmas. The Placeholder [11.05] Frasier does not appreciate being set up by Roz Frasier: I have standards. Haven't you ever heard of waiting for Miss Right? Roz: Yeah, well, Miss Right has standards too, and she's not looking to meet Mr Mothball. Frasier is just about to part company with Ann Ann: Well, here we are. The awkward part. Frasier: Oh, it's not awkward at all. I’d be delighted to pay for your cab. Here we are. (hands over money and runs) Maris Returns [11.07] Frasier: Welcome. Whether our journey together lasts for years or just one day, I can’t tell you how excited I am to take this first step with you. [He says this first to the temp receptionist, then to four successive patients who all disappear within minutes] [Niles is having a panic attack in the kitchen during the baby shower] Martin: Calm down, Niles. Niles: I can’t! I’m telling her another lie every time I open my mouth! Martin: Oh, get a grip on yourself, man! It’s called marriage! Murder Most Maris [11.08] Niles has had a nervous breakdown and stripped naked in Café Nervosa Waiter: I’m calling the cops! Roz: The hell you are! This man’s tips alone have probably paid for all the pot you’ll ever smoke! Frasier:It's as if you'd forgotten that not three days ago I was... punched in the face...by a man now dead. He says this, changing time intervals to suit the moment, throughout the episode. Each time, everyone falls reverently silent. Frasier: Thank you! Guns N' Neuroses [11.09] Frasier: I was having the most distressing dream; I was climbing up a volcano, that was spewing ice instead of lava. Daphne: An ice volcano. I wonder what that could mean. Frasier checks his messages Voice on the answering machine: Hello, it's Lilith. Frasier, Martin and Daphne: [with sudden realization] Oh, well. Frasier’s doorbell rings in his absence. Lilith is expected Niles: Shouldn’t you get the door? Martin: You’re closer. Niles: I don’t live here. Martin: Doesn’t matter. You’re family. Niles: So’s Daph… Daphne: [interrupts] Oh no, you don’t! Lilith: [from outside] Maybe if you slid me a key, I could let myself in. Seabea Jeebies [11.10] Roz arrives at the awards ceremony with her insufferably smug sister Denise: Roz, are you sure this dress didn't fit you? Because I'm just swimming in it. Roz: (to a waiter) Two Bloody Marys, please. And there's a 20 in it for you if one of them's poisoned. I don't even care which one. High Holidays [11.11] [Frasier has just seen Frederick’s goth girlfriend, and is reeling from the shock] Niles: Well, at least he’s not dating outside the faith. [Niles has just announced his rebellious plans to Frasier] Frasier: What?! Niles: I’ve waited for this all my life, Frasier. One act of utter, devil-may-care, crotch-grabbing brazenness! And of course, I’ll have a nurse on speed-dial in case things get too hairy. Frasier-Lite [11.12] A caller on Frasier’s radio show has suddenly become involved in a domestic argument Morrie’s daughter: I’m running away from home! Morrie: Oh, hang up the phone, Britney! You’re not going anywhere! Frasier: [calmly] And neither is this conversation. [cuts them off] Frasier steps onto the scales at the weigh-in on television Presenter: Ouch! 1lb heavier, Fras’! Frasier: That can’t be! I’ve added a salad to every meal! The Ann Who Came to Dinner [11.13] Martin: I just walked in on your insurance lady taking a sponge bath! Frasier: Dear God! Which sponge? A policeman uncovers a boudoir portrait of Niles Policeman: What the hell is that? Niles: (embarrassed) It's Pan, the satyr. A minor god of mischief, debauchery, and fornication. Daphne: (smiling) That’s what our son would look like if I were a goat. Freudian Sleep [11.14] Niles arrives at Frasier’s place. He has had a very bad day Niles: I need a sherry. Frasier: Brace yourself! Niles: [sees the empty bottle] You always think it’s going to happen to someone else. Martin takes charge Martin: [to Daphne] You’re gonna lose your looks? Happens to everyone. [to Frasier] You’re afraid you’re gonna end up alone? You’ll still have your family. [to Niles] You’re afraid you’re gonna be a bad father? Join the club! [to all three] Now just clam up and go to bed! Caught in the Act [11.15] Frasier covers Alice's ears during his conversation with Roz Frasier: If truth be told, it's been a while since I...romped with abandon through the perfumed gardens of Eros. Roz: Next time you say something like that, cover my ears. Nanette is in Frasier's house and she tries to explain her disdain for carrying on her role as Nanny G Nanette: Do you have any idea what it's like to play the same character for twenty years?! Boo! [11.16] [Niles is appalled when he learns the reason for his father’s heart attack.] Niles: (to Frasier) Look at you! You just stand there with a smile on your face. Frasier: That’s make-up, you idiot! Frasier and Niles discuss the possibility of a future without Martin Frasier: Now, I can’t imagine life without him. Niles: It would be very hard to walk into this apartment and see that chair…and know that Dad wasn’t here anymore. Frasier: Oh, I’d get rid of that chair immediately. Coots and Ladders [11.17] Niles does not want to get involved in undoing Frasier’s criminal activity Frasier: Fine, I’ll do it myself! Here, hold this for me. (hands Niles the stolen item) Niles: What for? Frasier: [grabs it back] Now your prints are on it too, you have to help me! Niles: Fiend! Frasier claims that Niles is afraid of spiders…then also that he is afraid of heights…then also of crowds Frasier: You are looking at that rarest of beasts: the arachno-acro-agoraphobe! Match Game [11.18] [Daphne’s doula insists on a drug-free childbirth, and Roz, as a mother, can hardly believe her ears.] Harvest: A natural childbirth needn’t be painful. Roz: It needn’t be, but it be! [Daphne changes her mind about the natural birth after seeing a video of one.] Daphne: I’m having my baby the way God intended: in a hospital, numb from the waist down! Miss Right Now [11.19] Niles has discovered fast food. Frasier remains unconvinced Daphne: I guess he's got the fast food bug. Frasier: And which one would that be? E. coli? And Frasier Makes Three [11.20] Frasier explains his strategy for winning Charlotte over Frasier: I am merely going present myself as the anti-Frank. Niles: Ah, so you’re going to be not rugged and not handsome. Interesting. Frasier: No… Niles: You could also be not passionate and not committed. Frasier: Very funny. Niles: Maybe she’d like you if you were not interesting and not informed… Frasier: Niles! [Charlotte has just told Frasier that she no longer remembers what she and Frank were fighting about.] Frasier: [to Niles] You know what that means, don’t you? They had a long night of acrobatic make-up sex. Niles: I’ve just thought of another way you could be the anti-Frank. Detour [11.21] Frasier offers to drive Charlotte to the station Frasier: I've always been a sucker for that romantic movie-ending goodbye. A fog-shrouded train platform, a passionate kiss. Charlotte: With a romantic dip. Frasier: Yes, well, maybe I am, but there are damn few of us left. Charlotte: (leans back) Dip. Dip. Frasier: I had a great time with you today. With somebody else, it would’ve been a disaster. Charlotte: With somebody else, I would’ve been in Portland. Crock Tales [11.22] Frasier: Roz is dropping by with someone she wanted me to meet. Niles: Ooh, a lady friend? Frasier: [sarcastic] No, we’re going to form a jazz trio, Niles. [Niles is drowning his sorrows after separating from Maris] Roz: Alice is so cute! She fell asleep hugging her bottle. Niles: I’m right behind her! Goodnight, Seattle [11.23-24] Charlotte is cooking dinner with Frasier Charlotte: We’re such a cliché: the little woman at the stove, the big rugged man with his brawny arm… Frasier: [interrupts] Oh, the hollandaise is breaking! Frasier: I've had enough easy goodbyes, I'm kind of glad to have the chance to have another tough one. [After spending time with Daphne’s brothers, Niles is worried about his child] Niles: The idea that our son might take after them is making me crazy! Frasier: Now Niles, just remember, those hearty Crane genes are in there, too. Niles: Oh, please. Those Moon genes have probably beaten our genes up and stolen their lunch money! Frasier: [Last lines on his KACL talk show] For eleven years you've heard me say, "I’m listening." Well, you were listening, too. And for that I am eternally grateful. Goodnight, Seattle. Flight Attendant: “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Chicago...” Frasier:[Last Lines, to Anne] Wish me luck. [Fades to black] Category:Frasier seasons