The Simpsons/Season 25

The Simpsons (1989–present) is an American animated sitcom broadcast by the Fox Broadcasting Company created by Matt Groening. The series is a satirical depiction of American life, epitomized by the Simpson family. Homerland Wiggum: When I look at people, I don't see colors; I just see crackpot religions. Marge: He's like a husband in a widow's memory, perfect. Lisa: Bart, why is the dad I've always wished for creeping me out? Bart: I don't know, 'cause you're incapable of experiencing joy? Lisa: Point taken. Bart: You have some big underpants to fill. I didn't know they made underoos in size 52. Homer: They're called superoos, son, with pictures of the cast of The Expendables. Bart: More like The Expandables. Homer: I'm not sure man who eats right and doesn't drink can be good in bed. Homer: Oh, I've been listening to this song for three days, and it's only the end of the first verse! Treehouse of Horror XXIV Homer: Marge, they knew what they were getting into when their parents sold them to the circus. Burns: I don't hand out candy, you son of a Grinch. Homer/The Fat In The Hat: Now hop on my cycle, there's nothing to fear. And we shall have candy...and maybe some beer. Homer/The Fat In The Hat: [his dying words after Maggie stabs him] I'm frightened of nothing/Not even hellfire/Just don't ever let me be played by Mike Myers. Four Regrettings and a Funeral Reverend Lovejoy: So, is there truly anyone among us without regrets? Agnes: I have no regrets. Seymour: Really, Mother? Agnes: Oh, I didn't see you there. Mr. Burns: Speaking of return on investments, my Apple stock is up 3,500%. Homer: Aw, you misheard that on purpose! Milhouse: Why are you doing this, Bart? Bart: 50% attention-seeking, 50% to drop things on people. Ralph: He's gonna visit my sky granny. Rafael: [to Homer] That's a ball-proof window, sir. Would you like me to ask Siri for a nearby hospital? Siri: [to Rafael] I'm sorry, I don't see any "hops petals" near you. Deleting all contact information. Rafeal: No, no, I didn't ask you to do that, Siri. I... Siri: Delete confirmed. Ned Flanders: Pray for a miracle, boy. God can hear you better from up there. Bart: [Pray to God] Dear Lord, please help me land safely. Or transform this basket into a flying killer robot that I control with my mind. Amen. Ned Flanders: That's not a prayer. Bart: My God says it is. Marge: It's all my fault. I should never have listened to those KISS albums when I was pregnant. Chief Wiggum: [to Marge] Marge, with all due respect, that's ridiculous. My Sarah listened to Mozart and Churchill speeches when she was pregnant with Ralphie, and he can't even open a refrigerator. YOLO Eduardo: Did you hair burn off in a fire that trapped you in a candy factory? Homer: D’oh Bart: I feel kind of melancholy. Homer: Hmm...melon-collie. Ned: That sounds salty, but you seem sweet. I'm going to call you kettle corn. Willie: You want me to carve it into a thank-o-lantern? Lisa: No, this is good. Willie: Well, this knave's got to carve something. Labor Pains Moe: Read 'em and weep. The novels of Charlotte Brontë. Carl: I thought we were playing cards. Homer: You like lies? Here's a few: College is expensive, but it's worth it. Homer: I'm sorry, Homer, Jr. You'll occupy an idealized place in my heart that no one can ever quite fill. Bart: Therapy, please. Lisa: Me too. Lisa: I'm a Schwarzenegger wife! Homer: But you're also the housekeeper. So it's all good. Homer: [After imagining telling Marge about Homer Jr.] This simulation has been brought to you by your brain, a subsidiary of your penis. The Kid is All Right Moe: Alright, '80s party! Where's the beef? Tear down that wall because I think the beef is behind that wall. Principal Skinner: I must say, Lisa, it was amusing to see you thoroughly de-high-horsed. Lisa: That isn't a word. Principal Skinner: Oooh, back on the saddle she climbs. Principal Skinner: It's called precipitation because it never fails to precipitate bad behavior. Lisa: Excellent! [tents fingers] What am I doing? Untent! Untent! Yellow Subterfuge Skinner: You're like egg salad at a picnic, Simpson. Even when you look good, we know you're going bad. Lisa: You could do what Everybody Loves Raymond did. Krusty: Go off the air while I'm still good? That horse has left the stable, gone to the glue factory and has been used to make art projects. [after Bart complains to Marge because the family does not believe in him] Homer: Bart, sweetie. This is an opportunity for you to turn things around... yet again. And I believe in you... yet again. [after Homer arrives at the pier] Bart: [sobs] Skinner didn't let me go. [sobs] Homer: Really? Oh. I bet that submarine isn't so fun anyway. Bart: [sniffs] You think so? [In the submarine] Navy captain: Fire that torpedo, Milhouse! Milhouse: Aye-aye! [presses a button] Where did it go? Navy captain: It was just imaginary. [outside the submarine, the Springfield lighthouse blows up] White Christmas Blues Gloria: Well, there's a rec room off the kitchen. But sometimes it's there and sometimes it isn't. Our house is very odd that way. Quimby: Don't you idiots see what this means? Lenny: Idiots? Why do we re-elect this guy? Carl: Because his opponent has a long Slavic name. Gloria: Global warming. Huh, by pure coincidence every scientist was right. Steal This Episode Gratman: I'm here to arrest and hopefully stage the prison suicide of the mastermind of this operation: Homer Simpson! FBI Troop 1: Copyrighted material! FBI Troop 2: Don't look at it! FBI Troop 3: Somebody sell me a ticket! Gratman: Get your earmuffs on and your blindfolds on. We were trained for this. [he shoots Homer's laptop and the projection screen reads "NO SIGNAL"] Gratman: [grabs Homer from climbing over a fence] From now on, the only place you'll be watching movies without buying a ticket is jail! Lenny: [on piracy] That was so much better than the cinema. It mixes the wonder of movie-going with the rush of stealing. Carl: All we want is brand new, big-budget entertainment in our homes for nothing. Why doesn't Hollywood get that? Homer: That was the greatest thing I've seen on a computer that I could talk about with you in the room. Homer: Hey, they tricked us! That's a commercial! If I wanted to pay for commercials I can't skip, I'd sign up for Hulu Plus! Homer: Wait, you guys saw the new Radioactive Man sequel? Carl: Uh, it's not a sequel, it's a reboot. Lenny: Actually, this one undoes the stuff from the last one, so it's a deboot. Married to the Blob Bart: Homer, will you take me to buy a comic book Tuesday at midnight? Homer: And miss the back half of Jimmy Kimmel? That's when he experiments, boy. Comic Book Guy: I cannot hide the snide inside! Comic Book Guy: The closest thing I have to a father is the Obi-Wan doll in my store, and he comes from a race of celibate knights so... Comic Book Guy: Nerds don't get girls! Comic Book Guy: Since I met Kumiko, strangely, comic books no longer seem so important. I will also be selling greeting cards. And, every day, I will give one to Kumiko in commemoration of today with the salutation, "Best... Day... Ever." Specs and the City Burns: Beware, rabbits. I spy with my transplanted eyes. Lisa: How does this mean anything when everyone's forced to do it? Marge: What did I say about pointing out the meaninglessness of things? Lisa: Not to. Nelson: Simpson, there's going to be a heart in my hand, either paper or yours. Marge: I'm afraid wives don't make passes at husbands who wear those glasses. Diggs Marge: Bart's usually first in line for taco night, but now he's muy tarde. Is it alright to say tarde? Homer: Pressure is how you make your beloved diamonds, Marge. Marge: I don't have any diamonds. Homer: Quit pressuring me! Homer: If God needs money, why doesn't he just write another Bible. The first one sold pretty well. The Man Who Grew Too Much Lisa: Nobody form any opinions while I'm gone. Marge: Well, hurry! We have no minds of our own. Homer: Real doctor or PhD? Sideshow Bob: Bart, And don't you think the parts that aren't evil, are a little...pretentious. Bart: Absolutely...we're talking about Lisa, right? Todd: We took the pledge. Rod: We won't have sex until we're married. Todd: To each other. Sideshow Bob: Just tell them that God wants them to ignore everything in their bodies that God is making happen. Homer: [Sighs as he looks at his late wife, Edna Krabappel and wearing a black armband] Sure do miss that laugh. Nelson: Ha-ha! I miss her too. Marge: [to the teen-abstinance group] If you defeat this madman, I'll release you from your pledge and teach you other fun ways not to get pregnant. Shauna: I think I might be pregnant already. Marge: Well, that's one of them. Homer: [to Sideshow Bob at the dam] How dare you torture my children with Mozart! The Winter of His Content Nelson: Simpson, I won't forget this. From now on, you and I are as tight as whiteys. Dolph: Well, you're gay for homophobia! Kearney: Wow, you just made me gay for tolerance. Homer: Honey, Grandpa is the closet thing I have to a father and I love him, but three octogenocerauses?!? Homer: My lifestyle is my retirement plan. The War of Art Homer: Emojis! Now she's gone too far. Homer: Kettle corn, the heroin of the farmer's market. Homer: That's the great thing about art, everyone can have their opinion about why it sucks. You Don't Have to Live Like a Referee Skinner: So from now on, our cafeteria will only serve delicious Stuffwich's heroes, hoagies, and torpedoes. Nelson: What about po' boys? Skinner: Sorry, Nelson. Poor boys, such as yourself, will go hungry. Homer: The only thing that keeps me from living here is that fish that swims up your pee stream. That is a deal breaker. Superintendent: Skinner! I have seven other principals, and I've never yelled their names. Not even once. Dolph: Why are you concussing yourself? Why are you concussing yourself? Luca$ Milhouse: A fat kid with a dream. I can't compete with that. Lisa: He's just Ralph with a dream, the dream of not ralphing. Homer: Whoo hoo! I've got a date with my daughter! Cletus: Yeah, we've all been there. No need to act like you just invented air conditioning. Milhouse: I never would have suspected the one criminal in town. Patty: Justin Blobber over there doesn't remind you of anyone? Bart: Don't want to be seen with you when you're hitting bottom. Lisa: At least we hope it's bottom. Homer: Wow...this looks just like the dress you wore on Project Runway! Days of Future Future Bart: Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour. Frink: You used up all your clones you fat, fat, fat reckless, fat pig. Marge: You can live with your no good son. Bart: Hey, what did I do? Marge: Nothing for 30 years. You're perfect for each other. Bart: I am as healthy as a horse. Marge: Horses only live 30 years. What to Expect When Bart's Expecting Homer: Oh, why are you doing this to me, booze? I drank every kind of you. Lenny: Why do they call this a yard of ale? Carl: Easy. After you drink it, you're passed out in a yard. [Groundskeeper Willie has been talked into posing nude for Evelyn Trunch's art class] Groundskeeper Willie: Oh, I just came in to take out the trash! Evelyn Trunch: And you shall leave immortal! Also, take out the trash. Bart Simpson: I admit, I did make a voodoo doll of Mrs. Trunch. But I just asked for a stomachache, not a baby! Principal Skinner: Classic wish maker's mistake: vague language. Guy Outside the Tent: '[to Jimbo] Yeah, you know...I just don't think we're gonna get in to see him today. Homer: Do you know how embarrassed I was to get a call at my arraignment for my behavior during the pub crawl because of a voodoo curse my son placed on his art teacher? Bart: A minute of fun, a lifetime of work. I've never heard of a pregnancy like this. Brick Like Me Krusty: Come back, I'm a clown! I can't afford to look ridiculous! Homer: Marge, did you replace our regular mirror with a magical mirror from a mystical salesman at a weird store that if we went back to find it, it wouldn't be there anymore? Marge: No. Homer: AAAAHHH!! Homer: Get it together, Homer. I'm sure lots of people every time you look in the mirror and see a hideous flesh monster, just a one-time thing. [sees a reflection of normal self] Oh, brick me! [taps on the glass] Leave me alone! Why don't you go back to where you came from? Homer: [noticing the beer is plastic circles and reflects it to normal] What the--? This isn't beer. Beer is plastic circles. How can I drink-- this? Homer: Marge, would you give up eating steak in the matrix to go slurp goo in Zion? Marge: We don't have that movie here. Homer: Oh, they're so cute when they're Duplo. Homer: It's not selling out. It's co-branding. Co-branding! Willie: Stop it! If you pull out these bricks, the whole school could collapse! Bart: But there's a skunk in there. Willie: [gasps] Scottish steak! [bursts into it, making the whole school collapse, except for the broom closet]Skinner: You are going to rebuild on every brick of this school. Ralph: Yo soy el language lab! Comic Book Guy: As an adult who surrounds himself with child's toys, I represent the part of your psyche that prefers this artificial world! Homer: [about the Hunger Games movie spoof] Oh, my God. This is terrible. When do they get to killing the children? Pay Pal Bart: I want you to binge watch all the shows you've ever done. Krusty: I've never said no to a binge. Rabbi Krustofski: What did the burning bush say? Krusty: It said ow! Put me out! How many talking bushes do you think there are? Krusty: No one told me this roast would treat me the same way as every roast I've ever seen and laughed at. The Yellow Badge of Cowardge Lisa: [narrating] Bart won a blue ribbon, but was it worth it? Marge: Lisa! Bath time! Lisa: Mom! I'm narrating! Marge: The water's going to get cold! Lisa: Fine! Milhouse: [after getting beaten up by Nelson] I'm afraid I don't remember. Bart: [relieved] Whew. Bart: [to Maggie] I suck? You suck! Kearney: [stretching a rubber bracelet] Crouch or forehead? Dolph: Forehead, for once. [Kearney shoots the rubber bracelet like a slingshot at Milhouse's forehead]Milhouse: Wha? [He starts to remember about Nelson beating Milhouse up during the school race]Milhouse: [to Bart, angrily] Bart Simpson! You ran away when I was getting beat up![The crowd boos angrily at Bart for his lies]Mrs. Skinner: Bart's a coward! Krusty: He lied to us! Milhouse: [to Bart] This is an angry sleepover. I'm only doing it 'cause it was on the books. Krusty: How can they say I'm past my prime? Me, the voice of Ovaltine. Lisa: [while the Gracie Films logo begins, but no music]'' Usher, will you stop that person who's shushing? External links The Simpsons (season 25) Category:The Simpsons seasons