Men in Black: The Series/Season 3

The Worm-Guy Guy Syndrome [3.1] The Cold Sweat Syndrome [3.2] Alpha: You must have nine lives, K. Let's see if you have any left. [fires repeatedly on the ice below] J: Good thing the guy's a lousy shot! K: He's not aiming at us. Those plasma orbs will melt the ice cap. J: And? K: Flood half the planet. Alpha: Always so negative, K. Don't you think Nebraska deserves a beachfront? (Jack Jeebs and Dak Jeebs emerge from the snow, now fused together) Dak: It was bad enough sharing a bathroom with you! Jeebs: Yeah, well would it kill you to brush your teeth once in a while!? The Puppy Love Syndrome [3.3] L: What are you doing here, Frank? Cafeteria's closed. Frank: Ah, the just love to razz me. We're like family. Agent L, this is Veronica. My date. L: Really? (shakes Veronica's hand) You know we do give free eye exams. Frank: (growls at Agent L) (to Veronica) Uh, better keep moving. L: Psychological counseling too. J: Technology from nine different galaxies and MIB still can't make an alien suit that doesn't itch. K: Steady, sport. If we don't convince this gang we're the new Pazzims on the block, an itch will be the least of your worries. The Lost Continent Syndrome [3.4] J: You know, I was thinking we could chill out a while, have a clam-bake, but no! Zed calls and there went my hula lesson. C: I'm free! I'm free! No more MIB! Keep paddling! C's alien companion: Why don't you try paddling, bigmouth? C: Y... you can talk? TWO YEARS YOU HAVEN'T SAID A SINGLE WORD, AND YOU CAN TALK!? C's alien companion: Couldn't get a word in inchwise. C: [laughs like a maniac] Alien: What? So now it is illegal to suntan? K: It is when you're wanted in three galaxies. J: Join MIB. See the world. Become Mr. Limpet. They don't mention that part. The Way Out West Syndrome [3.5] K: (reading the stone tablet on the statue) Tamed the Wild Wild West and rescued Baxter from ruin. (speaking to J) You give the sheriff any advice? J: No. K: (reading the stone tablet on the statue) Sheriff V.T. "Slick" Clemens!? J: Okay, maybe a few small pointers. L: If saving the world was easy, anyone could do it. K: We're on the job, pilgrim. Get in, get out, remain as inconspicuous as possible. J: Not easy. We're gonna stick out like sore thumbs. K: Speak for yourself, tenderfoot. (gives his tie a slight pull and his entire suit transforms into a cowboy outfit) J: (pulls his tie and nothing happens) Hey! Where are my duds!? K: Gotta plan ahead. The Mine, Mine, Mine Syndrome [3.6] [As silverfish swarm around her] Queen Bug: Ah, well-wishers. Who says New Yorkers aren't friendly? [The Emperor Worm uses a tape to try to learn English] Emperor Worm's tape: The ants in France dance mainly without pants. Emperor Worm: "The ants in France..." "The France in pants..." [Presses the fast-forward button] Emperor Worm's tape: I am large and in charge. Emperor Worm: I am large and in charge! Emperor Worm: I demand you trick-or-treat me with respect! I am large and in charge! Queen Bug: Guess what, chubbo? I'm larger! (bursts out of her schoolgirl disguise) [J and the Emperor Worm have been captured by the Bugs] Emperor Worm: You can take away our livestock, but you can't take away our forest fires! [The Bugs stare at him in utter confusion] Worm 1: We need a suite. Worm 2: The bigger, the butter. Uh... better. Worm 1: Fit for a king, actually. Hotel Clerk: I see. King bed. Double occupancy? Worm 2: It's not for us. Worm 1: (gestures in Emperor Worm's direction) It's for him. Emperor Worm: (in his human disguise) Good aftershave from my big big bottom. Hotel Clerk: (looks awkwardly at the two worms) Worm 1 & 2: He's from Minnesota/He's from Barcelona. (both look at each other) He's from Barcelona/He's from Minnesota. (both look at each other) He's from Jersey! Jeebs: [Wakes up from his nap after hearing the bell ring]] K! J! What brings you here? K: Pair of insects. J: We think they've been power shopping. Jeebs: You check Bloomie's? They have a much larger selection. [K blows Jeebs' head off, then it grows back] When will I learn? The Bye-Bye Worm Syndrome [3.7] The Lights Out Syndrome [3.8] Worm 1: We're taking a moonwalk? Worm 2: We got the moves. Worm 3: Check it out! Worm 4: (Moonwalks) Michael Jackson, eat your heart out! [J approaches K, whose sense of sight has now been restored] J: Blind, and you still saved the world. K: Couldn’t have done it without my partner. J: True. So, maybe I earned a little quality time with the LTD? K: My thoughts exactly. Why don’t you start with a wash and wax? J: What?! [J turns to the camera with a a disappointed look on his face] The Out to Pasture Syndrome [3.9] Worm: Things are getting better around here already. [another worm whispers into his ear.] Oh. Sorry, J. You must feel bad about losing your partner, huh. J: Hey, you get lemons, you make lemonade. Worms: [in unison] EEEWWWW!!! J: Since when is [Agent L] a field agent!? K: Since 7:00 this morning. J: But I thought... K: N-nn. Still too green to be paired with a recruit. J: Green!? Kermit the Frog is green! I'm... L: Easy, partner. That's the chief you're mouthing off to. Alpha: You really outdid yourself this time, Zed. The retirement charade, sending Agent J to feed me false information... But did you really think you could outwit me? You see, Zed, I possess the intellect of four superior races... and the brute force of one stupid one. You're out of your league, old boy. [Alpha's alien body is destroyed, leaving him a deteriorated human] Alpha: Go on, Zed... destroy me. Do it! Zed: No. You're a mere mortal now. You'll be punished like one. The Sardines and Ice Cream Syndrome [3.10] The I Want My Mummy Syndrome [3.11] Zed: East Village. Our Crypt Van Winkle just up-ended a cab. J: Sounds like somebody woke up on the wrong side of the sarcophagus this morning. Ha ha ha. (Zed, K, L, and Frank give him weird looks. Then Zed takes a sip of his coffee) You guys gotta lighten up. J: So, how is it that you're an expert on Egyptian history? Frank: I happen to be a cultured, well-read alien about town. J: Who roots through garbage cans. Frank: Y'know, the ancient Egyptians were way ahead of their time. Engineering, astronomy, architecture, and the worship of dogs. J: Thought the dudes answered to cats. Frank: Cats got all the press but dogs ran the show. K: Read us a story. J: And keep it down to a low growl. Frank: Hieroglyphics from the old kingdom. 3500 BC. "To release the demon within is to doom the world". K: Any mention of Socclarian? Frank: That's the ancient name of the magical scepter that the mummy will use to bring death, destruction, and pestilence. If you believe in that kind of mumbo jumbo. Disguised Alien: Get me off this planet! Now! Jeebs: No advanced reservation, height of the season, gonna be a surcharge. Disguised Alien: Fine. Whatever. Just make it quick. Jeebs: Something giving you the heebie-jeebies? Disguised Alien: A Hyperian in mummy's clothing. Jeebs: A Hyperian? Here? You sure? Disguised Alien: Ugh. Positive. I saw those animals wipe out an entire city on my home planet. (takes off his disguise) Still gives me goosebumps just thinking about it. Jeebs: Didn't happen to notice if mummy dearest had the Scepter of Socclarian on him, did you? (K presses a button on his watch electrocuting the Hyperian binding both him and J) J: Why do you always get the cool stuff? Frank: Way to go, mush mouth. I was this close to being high and mighty forever. Jeebs: Heh! You!? That scepter hand my name written all over it! Frank: Funny. I don't remember seeing the word "idiot" written on it! Museum Guard: [The mummy] spoke. Something like "social" or "soccal" or... Frank: Socclarian? Museum Guard: Hey! The dog! It talked! K: You've been working too many nights. (neuralizes the guard) The Baby Kay Syndrome [3.12] The Bad Doggie Syndrome [3.13] Tunston King: You will learn respect for our king!! J: The only "king" with my respect is Martin Luther. The "J" is for James Syndrome Syndrome [3.14] [Last lines] J: Agent J is back in black!