The Dangerous Brothers

The Dangerous Brothers was a stage and TV act by comedy duo Rik Mayall and Ade Edmondson, performing respectively as "Richard Dangerous" and "Sir Adrian Dangerous". Quotes Sir Adrian: Dynamite down the pants, explodo! Richard Dangerous: Unusually dangerous, I trust you'll agree. [While riding a bike.] Sir Adrian: I have got no brakes! I have got no brakes! I have got no brakes! [Crash.] Richard Dangerous: Are you alright, Sir Adrian? Sir Adrian: No! Richard Dangerous: You mess this up and I'll kill your budgie. Sir Adrian: You kill my budgie and I'll pull your head off! Richard Dangerous: You pull my head off and I'll go to the newspapers about your strange problem. Sir Adrian: You won't be able to find the newspapers, will you? Coz you won't have a head! Richard Dangerous: Well, I shouldn't think you'd be good at pulling people's heads off in the first place if you've just hurled yourself off this strange and interesting office building. Sir Adrian: Well, I might pay someone to do it! Mightn't I? Richard Dangerous: With what?! I look after the money... have you been stealing money off me? Sir Adrian: No... no. Well, only a bit. And I've hardly killed anyone! I wouldn't have to pay a hit man to kill you coz I could grant him sexual favours. Richard Dangerous: (laughs) Sexual favours, like what? Strawberry? Lime and grapefruit? Sir Adrian: No, no, that's sexual flavours. I meant favours. I could come up and say; "hello, Mr. hit man. If you pull off the head of Richard Dangerous, I will promise never ever, ever to get in your bed and do squidgy things with you." Richard Dangerous: Alright then. I won't kill your budgie. Sir Adrian: Ok. I won't pull off your head. Richard Dangerous: So you wanna play dirty, do you? Sir Adrian: Yes, I do! But I think we better finish the show first. Sir Adrian: Wait, wait. Nobody, but nobody slaps Sir Adrian about the face. Richard Dangerous: Oh, yeah?! Sir Adrian: Oh, yeah! Richard Dangerous: Alright, then. Get this! [Twists the crotch of his trousers.] Sir Adrian: But a lot of people scrunch me in the doobles. Sir Adrian: Naughty! Richard Dangerous: Naughty, but nice! [Richard kicks Sir Adrian in the crotch and a metal clanging sound is heard.] Richard Dangerous: What have you got down there?! Sir Adrian: My testicles. Richard Dangerous: This week ladies and gentlemen, this week it's Crocodile Snogging! Sir Adrian: HA! HA! HA! HA! Crocodile Snogging! (To Richard) We haven't got a crocodile. Richard Dangerous: Ah ha! Crocodile Snogging! (To Sir Adrian) You're gonna have to disguise yourself as a crocodile and I'll snog with you. Sir Adrian: Ha! Ha! Ha!... Oh, don't try that one again. Richard Dangerous: Look, there are a lot of people out there who paid a lot of money to see a lot of crocodile snogging. Now will you please just grow up! Disguise yourself as a crocodile and make it snappy! Richard Dangerous: Good evening. Well, we've all got one thing in common, haven't we? It's Saturday night. But not only that it's also Wednesday night!... Sorry, I dunno why I said that. Sir Adrian: Coz you're stupid, that's why. [Talking about torture.] Richard Dangerous: Does it really hurt? Sir Adrian: Yes, it bloody does! Richard Dangerous: And now a much more fashionable and much more effective torture these days, ladies and gentlemen is of course torture by electricity... [Sir Adrian kicks Richard in the crotch and he falls to the ground.] Sir Adrian: That was a surprise kick in the goolies! Clive: Oh, that was fantastic and now I'm pregnant. Sir Adrian: What d'ya mean?! I haven't even touched you yet! Clive: Yeah, well you try telling that to the judge in court you... stu... you... what's the rudest thing I can say on television? Sir Adrian & Richard Dangerous: Bloody... big job. Clive: Yeah, well you try telling that to the judge in court you bloody farty big jobs! [Police sirens are heard and a policeman runs on set.] Policeman: Alright! Who said "bloody farty big jobs"? Sir Adrian & Richard Dangerous: You did! Policeman: Did I? Right then, I'm nicked. Richard Dangerous: That's what the punters want, isn't it? More sex and more violence! [Audience cheers.] Richard Dangerous: See? Fifteen primary school children can't be wrong! Stephen Fry: You've ruined an extremely funny flower arranging set. You've been banned because you're too sexy and too violent, and if you don't get out we'll arrange you! Sir Adrian: I'll bloody rearrange you in a moment, matey! Sir Adrian & Richard Dangerous: Blahdey, blahdey, blah! Thatcher's Britain. Whoops! A bit of politics there! My name's Ben Elton, goodnight! External links The Dangerous Brothers Category:Comedians from England