Blockers (film)

Blockers is a 2018 sex comedy film about the trio of parents who try to stop their respective daughters from losing their virginity on prom night. Directed by Kay Cannon. Written by Brian Keohe and Jim Keohe. Dialogue (Single mother, Lisa, takes her young daughter, Julie, to her first day of school) Lisa: It’s okay, you’re gonna love it! Happy first day of school. Bye, sweetie. (She watches as Julie is befriended by one girl, Kayla) Young Kayla: Hi! Young Julie: Hi. (Then she is also befriended by another girl, Sam) Young Sam: Hey, I’m Sam. Young Julie: Hi, I’m Julie. (They giggle) Lisa: Bye! Young Julie: Bye, Mom! (Three young girls giggle) Hunter: I’m Hunter. Sam’s mine, right there. The one with the glasses. Lisa: I’m Lisa. That’s my Julie. Mitchell: I’m Mitchell. (sniffles) Kayla’s hero. Lisa: Oh. Are you okay? Mitchell: Yeah, yeah. You crying? (Breaking his voice) No, man. It’s a big day, that’s all. You know, can I have a tissue, please? Lisa: Yeah, yeah. Mitchell: Thank you. Lisa: It’s a big day for all of us. Hunter: Yeah. Mitchell: Thanks. (exhales) Lisa: (sighs and chuckles) Hunter: I think our daughters are friends. And I think that means we’re friends. (They all chuckle) Hunter: Should we go get a drink? Lisa: You okay? Hunter: Yeah. Lisa: Yeah. Hunter: Do you guys wanna go get a drink? Mitchell: Ah, they made it. (sniffles) Hunter: You guys wanna go grab a drink real quick? Lisa: Is he asking us if we wanna go grab a drink? Mitchell: I’m really hoping it’s coffee. (12 years later, Julie and Lisa are asleep in bed each until Julie can hear the song playing on her phone. So they each get out of bed. They both clean their teeth. Then they go jogging to keep fit. After that, they both make breakfast) Lisa: You’re probably gonna miss these mornings that we spend together, right? Julie: Stop. You’re gonna make me cry. And I don’t want to cry, because it’s prom night. And it’s supposed to be, like, the most magical night of your life, and, you know, I’m just so anxious about it. Lisa: Well, call me if you feel anxious. Or maybe FaceTime me, if it wasn’t too loud. I mean, if it was too loud, you could just… we could wave or whatever. (chuckles) That’d be funny. And then I can do… You know what I was thinking? You should send me photos throughout the night. Like, not… not, like, all night long, but if you could do it like every 30 minutes or so, then I can put together one of those iBooks. That would be so fun. Julie: Yeah. Lisa: That would be a really… I don’t think you would regret that. (chuckles) Julie: Hmm. Mom? Lisa: Mmm-hmm. Julie: Are you gonna be okay when I go to college? Lisa: Who, me? Julie: Yeah. Lisa: Me? (laughs) What? Pl-Please. Don’t even get me… (laughs) Don’t even… Please! Julie: (chuckles) (After breakfast, Julie is heading off to high school) Julie: Okay, bye, Mom! Lisa: Okay, bye! Julie: I love you! Lisa: Okay, I love you. (She is watching her when she heads off) (Mitchell knocks at the door in Kayla’s bedroom) Kayla: (Off-screen) I’m in the bathroom. (He gets into her room exhaling. He sighs and then he has found the electric brush in the drawer. He turns it on vibrating just as Kayla comes out of the bathroom and puts the brush on it) Kayla: Thanks, I was looking for that. Mitchell: You mind telling me what this is? Kayla: Uh, fuzz. Mitchell: Yeah. Yeah, fuzz. It’s what I thought it was and then on further investigation, it is clearly an unraveled filter of a cigarette. Kayla, are you a smoker? Kayla: What? No. (She goes back to the bathroom) I’m not a smoker, Dad. Mitchell: Hey, haven’t you seen the billions of ads that tell you not to do this stuff? Kayla: Dad! You can’t teach someone not to try things. Okay? That’s what trying things is for. To teach you things. It’s a contradiction. It’s like telling me not to go for a triple on a base hit to the gap when I’ve made a good turn around first and I know that the right fielder has a weak arm. Mitchell: Damn it, you’re smart. Kayla: Okay. Yeah. All right. Time to get ready for school, Dad. Mitchell: Okay, all right. (Julie and Sam are waiting until Kayla has arrived) Kayla: Julie! Sam! Julie: Hey, girl! (Suddenly, the car comes in and stops in front of Kayla) Kayla: Whoa! Sam: (laughing) Kayla: I almost died. Julie and Sam: Prom night! (They all laugh) Julie: I’m so, so excited! Kayla: Me, too. (School bell rings; Julie and a boy named Austin give each other a kiss) Austin: Mmm. I love you. Julie: I love you, too. (They kiss again) Austin: All right. Julie: We’re so gross. Austin: I know. Julie: People are looking at us. Austin: I don’t care. Julie: We better get “Cutest Couple” in the yearbook. (She slaps him and he looks at each other mockingly) (She closes her locker) (Julie has come home from high school and she takes out the mail from the mailbox. She has a letter) Julie: Oh… (So she unwraps the letter and looks at the note) Julie: (laughs) Lisa: (Off-screen) Julie, is that you? (Meanwhile, Sam is spending time on the iPad) Sam: So realistic. (Suddenly, her phone vibrates, so she picks it up and thinks it is her dad) Sam: Ugh. (She turns it off because she is too busy) Brenda: (Off-screen) Come on, Sam, we’re waiting. Sam: Be right there! (Meanwhile, Lisa is opening the box but she notices that those girls have big boobs on the prom cake) Lisa: That is some horseshit. (So she decides to take a bag of biscuits out of the cupboard and opens it up and puts them over the boobs. Then Julie shows Lisa her red dress she is wearing) Lisa: Wow. You look so beautiful! (gasps) Turn around. (Julie turns around) Wow. (Both laugh) Lisa: Oh, my goodness. Wow. Julie: So what’s the big plan for after prom? Uh, we’re just going to Austin’s. Lisa: You really like him, huh? Julie: Yeah. Yeah, I mean… Yeah, he’s cool. It’s not like serious or anything. Lisa: His mom told me het got into UCLA. That’s nice. Julie: Yeah, I mean, it’s good. You remember that time when, like, I thought about going to UCLA? Lisa: Yes. That would’ve been crazy. That would’ve been the worst mistake ever. Julie: I don’t think it would’ve been that huge of a mistake. Lisa: Uh, yes, it would have. (laughs) University of Chicago is perfect. It’s 45 minutes away. So that way you’re gone but you’re not gone, gone. Julie: But I’m gone. Lisa: Right. But not, like, gone. Julie: Right, but, like, I’m going to college and, like, I’m not gonna live at home. So, I’m like, I’m gone. Lisa: Mmm-hmm. (She notices why her boobs are so big on the cake) Julie: Why are my boobs so big? Mitchell: Ready, Kayla? Kayla: Yep. (Music on his cell phone is playing) Mitchell: And now, standing at 5’ 7”, 5’ 9” if you count the heels, straight out of Great Lakes High School, the prettiest girl in all of prom, Kayla Mannes. (Kayla is wearing her prom dress as she comes downstairs) Marcie: (whoops and laughs) Mitchell: Oh. Just high-fives from now on. Kayla: Okay. Marcie: Oh, honey, I never thought I’d see you in a dress! Mitchell: Technically it’s not a full dress. Some material is missing from the middle there. Marcie: Okay. You look great. Kayla: All right, yeah, I think it’s time to go. Marcie: Yes. Yeah. Honey, we gotta go. (Mitchell sniffles) Marcie: Honey? Kayla: Dad, are you okay? It’s like when he watched Frozen. Marcie: Come on. (Mitchell sniffles again) Lisa: Hi, how are you? Kayla: Hi. Lisa: Hi! How are you? Hi, Marcie. Marcie: (mouthing words) Lisa: Oh. Uh-huh. Hey, Mitchell. Mitchell: Hey! Haven’t seen you in a while. Lisa: Yeah. Mitchell: You know, I was worried when I never heard back from you about hot yoga. Called you a bunch of times. I ended up having to eat that two-for-one Groupon. Lisa: Oh, yeah, I don’t really do the hot yoga thing. It’s just… Mitchell: Well, we should catch up, though, right? Lisa: Yeah. Mitchell: Like a lunch, I don’t know. Lisa: Yeah, maybe. Yeah, give me a call. Mitchell: I’ve been calling you. Lisa: Mmm-hmm. Mitchell: It doesn’t work. It’s not effective. (Meanwhile, Julie is putting 3 things in her prom purse, when suddenly, her cell phone buzzes, then the laptop chimes. Then it goes on again. So she leaves her bedroom just as the chiming on her laptop continues) All: (laughing) Julie: I don’t even know! Wait, wait, wait. Kayla: Oh, my gosh, thank you. Julie: You guys, you guys. Wait, this is, like, the best lighting with the Valencia filter, so wait, wait. Kayla: Oh, God. All right. Here we go. (So Julie takes a nice selfie picture with her two best friends) Julie: Yeah, okay, that’s enough. Kayla: One more. Sam: We’re good. Kayla: Oh, my God, we need to get this party started. Ooh, okay, Julie. Julie: Hmm? Kayla: I got you something. (She gives her a bag of coconut oil) It’s coconut oil. For lube. I hear it works just as well and it makes blowjobs taste like Almond Joy. Julie: (sighs) Thank God it doesn’t taste like Mounds. I’d rather eat 10 dicks than one Mound. Thank you. That’s so sweet! (She and Kayla hug each other) Julie: Oh, my God. I’m so excited. Kayla: Me, too. You have to text me, like, right away. Julie: Oh, my God, we’re gonna be doing it at the same time. Kayla: (gasps) Oh, my God. We have to talk about it tomorrow. Julie: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You’re gonna know every detail. Kayla: There’s gonna be so much to talk about. Sam: Guys? Hey, guys! I want in on this sex pact. Julie: Are you sure? You don’t have to do this just because we are. Sam: No, that’s not why. I want to have sex. Yeah. That’s something all 3 of us have in common. Julie: Mmm-hmm. Sam: Chad is gonna tap that ass with his penis, and I doubt we’ll have anal the first time, but… Kayla: All right! Julie: This is gonna make tonight even more perfect. Sam: Yeah. Kayla: It’s gonna be the three of us! Sam: Yes! (all laughs) (Lisa and Mitchell come to her laptop to check out what is going on. Chiming continues) Mitchell: What the hell is that? Lisa: I have no idea. Hunter: This is so dumb. Okay? Yeah, our kids are gonna hate us because you’re gonna humiliate them. Lisa: I’m not gonna humiliate Julie. We’re best friends. I’m the cool mom. Mitchell: Hunter, don’t make me sit on your balls again. Hunter: Stop, stop, stop it, stop, stop! This is how they’re gonna be remembered in high school, as the weirdos whose parents dragged them out of prom because they were afraid of their sexuality. It’s not something that should be feared, it should be celebrated. And… And… And we have to empower these young women. I mean, what year is it, guys? It’s 2018. (The car honks and then they turn round to look at what they are doing in the car) Hunter: Jesus Christ! Mitchell: Oh, gross. Hunter: Okay, you know what? That’s an unfortunate coincidence. Get a fucking room! (They all enter the high school) Hunter: Ugh, it’s just a bunch of paint samples and swatches. Mitchell: (whispers) Shh! Hunter! Quiet! Hunter: Why do I have to be quiet? Mitchell: Shit would not fly if Marcie found out. Hunter: Who wears the pants in this house, dawg? Marcie: I do. All: Oh! Mitchell: How are we supposed to find them in this place? It’s got, like, 20 rooms. Hunter: I’m sorry, what the fuck are you talking about? “Twenty”? It’s got, like, 200! What? Twenty? Lisa: Grand Lux Suite is on the top floor. Hunter: Go, go, go! Move! Hurry, Lisa! (So Lisa, Hunter and Mitchell quickly rush off to the elevator) Cast Lesie Mann as Lisa Decker Ike Barinholtz as Hunter Lockwood John Cena as Mitchell Mannes Hannibal Burres as Frank Junr Diane Raphael as Brenda Lockwood Kathryn Newton as Julie Decker Gary Cole as Ron Gina Gershon as Cathy Gideon Adlon as Sam Lockwood Geraldine Viswanathan as Kayla Mannes External links Category:2018 English-language films Category:2018 American films Category:Films directed by Kay Cannon Category:American comedy films Category:American female buddy films Category:Films about proms Category:Sex comedy films Category:Gay-related films