Girls Will Be Girls (2003 film)

Girls Will Be Girls is a 2003 comedy film about three women struggling in the entertainment business. Written and directed by Richard Day. An actress is nothing without a meaty part. Coco [placidly dusts framed photos, suddenly drops one] FUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK! When that doctor walked in my fear melted like ... snow in a ... melter. [after her third dog dies] Oh, COME ON! Evie [puts in false teeth, glass eye, and puts wig on] Hello, gorgeous! So I said, why am I laughing? We're doing it doggy style and your name is Barker! You know, they offered me that commercial for Depends. Lot of money, too! Just one little problem: I don't shit my pants. [in her movie Asteroid] Accordin' to my calculat-er, the asteroid will penetrate the ass-mosphere in 15 minutes! I AM woman! ERA now! Varla [glancing down at beeper] Oh, fooey, I'm going to be late for my love game! Thank you, sir! My pimp and I appreciate your business! Feelings are like treasures, so bury them. Others Opening Song: Some say women should know their place. We say we're half the human race! Magazine Ad: Once a Week Diapers: they grow up too fast already! Hospital Voice: Cleanup in ICU. Newspaper: Study: Retards Will Believe Anything. Bizzy Gals Ad: If you're like me, your days are jammed packed with activity. It seems that no sooner am I done watching my programs than a new magazine arrives! And suddenly, boom, it's naptime! That's why I'm so grateful for new Bizzy Gal's Dinner's Ready. You keep Bizzy Gal right in your cabinets; no more lugging open that heavy freezer door. And the exhausting chore of reheating — a thing of the past! Bizzy Gal meals are treated with Nutri-Dation which renders them chemically unstable in a way that feels just like heat in your mouth! All they'll know is: it tastes great! Bizzy Gal Dinner's Ready is sold as a novelty item and is not intended for human consumption. Side effects of ingestion can include cancer, bleeding, enlargement of the heart, and second-degree burns along the rectal cavity resulting in irreversible incontinence. Dialogue Evie: Jesus, I wish someone could tell me how to just once wake up without a splitting headache! Coco: You could drink less. Coco: What do you think about the idea of having a dog in the house? Evie: I'm sorry, have I been staring? Coco: I'm thinking of getting one. I mean, let's face it, at this point I'm probably never going to have kids. Evie: Oh, Coco, it's not too late. [Coco smiles] I'm kidding! A dog sounds fun. Coco: It sounds depressing, is what it sounds. "Do you have kids?" "No, but I have a dog." "Well it's the same thing, you crazy barren old hag." Evie: This new roommate will cheer you right up! Coco: I just hope she's not too loud. Or happy. Happy people always make such a racket. Evie: Coco, she came by and she was a peach. Coco: Were you drunk? Evie: It was 12 noon! Of course I was drunk. Varla: Hello! You must be Yoo-Hoo. Coco: [correcting her] Coco. Coco: Oh, Evie, when I was at Vassar, I became ... with child. And I had ... a procedure. Evie: That's your big secret? An abortion?! Coco: Have you had one? Evie: Coco, I've had more children pulled out of me than a burning orphanage! Varla: Did you know her [Varla's mother]? Evie: Goodness, yes! We were ... we were always running into each other at auditions. She had such a bright future, too! We were all so shocked when she offed herself. Coco: Evie! Evie: Oh, I'm sorry, passed herself away. Varla: Well, they shipped me off to Arkansas right after, so ... I have so many questions. What was she like? Coco: Very sweet. Evie: Uh-huh. And a big pothead! Coco: Evie! Evie: LOVED cock! Coco: EVIE! Laurent: My apologies for being so bold but ... when I see the best, I have to have it. Varla: Well you know, a Maserati needs much more pampering than a Toyota. Laurent: This is not a problem if the Maserati will take its driver where he wants to go. Varla: Maseratis don't do anal! Evie: Oh, oops, um ... [points at Varla, trying to remember her name] Varla: Varla. Evie: Varla! This is my son ... [points at Stevie] Stevie: Stevie. Evie: Hey, maybe I'll go on a date tonight too! That guy who hit us gave me his number! Stevie: He had to, ma. It's the law. Evie: Well did he have to flirt with me while we waited for the cops? Stevie: He said, "Look the fuck where you're going, you drunk corpse." Evie: It was more in his body language! Laurent: See that girl at the bar? [points to a woman who is groping a man] She is a whore. Varla: How can you tell? Laurent: Whores are sexy. Know why? Varla: Because it's their job? Evie: I'm glad I could coax you over. At first I was afraid you'd think it a bit ... strange. Jeff: Why, cause you're so old? Jeff: You know Mary Tyler Moore!? Evie: Oh, very well! We did Night of a Thousand Stars together! Funny story: she has diabetes. Coco: Evie, have you ever been on morphine? Evie: Once, when I had my eyes done. Then every day for 10 years after that. Stevie: Mom, no one will hire you! Evie: Why not?! I mean, I admit my looks are starting to go. Coco: Starting to go? Evie, your looks are home and in bed. Stevie: I think you know. Evie: My attitude? Stevie: No. Evie: My drinking? Stevie: No. Evie: Chronic lateness? Stevie: No. Evie: Never learned my lines? Stevie: No. Evie: The kleptomania? Stevie: No. Evie: I spread disease? Stevie: No! Evie: Then what?! Stevie: That little thing where you ran over a family of four while drunk off your ass? Evie: It was a family of six! I only killed four. And what kind of people have a picnic in their own backyard! Cast Jack Plotnick - Evie Clinton Leupp - Coco (as Coco Peru) Jeffery Roberson - Varla / Marla Ron Mathews - Stevie Eric Stonestreet - Dr. Benson Hamilton von Watts - Laurent Dana Gould - Jeff Chad Lindsey - Dr. Perfect External links Girls Will Be Girls 0339071 Girls Will Be Girls girls_will_be_girls Girls Will Be Girls Category:2003 films Category:Comedy films Category:2000s American films Category:LGBT-related films