Mom (TV series)

Mom (2013–2021) is an American sitcom, airing on CBS about a newly sober and a single mom raising two children, whose mom, also a recovering drug and alcohol addict, returns to work on her relationship with her daughter. Season 1 Pilot [1.01] Christy: While other mothers were cooking dinner, you were cooking meth. Bonnie: Otherwise known as working. Christy: Some mothers teach their daughters how to bake. Mine taught me how to beat a cavity search and still feel like a lady. Christy: Mom, I've watched you lick cocaine crumbs out of a shag carpet. Bonnie: It's not a sin to be thrifty, dear. Christy: Violet, I can't tell you not to have sex at your age, because I had sex at your age. Violet: Mom, I'm not having sex. Christy: Uh, don't lie to the woman who washes your sheets. A Pee Stick and an Asian Raccoon [1.02] Christy: That's how you get into heaven, letting a little guy go up on you. Bonnie: I wish. All he wanted to do was spank me. Christy: Well, no good deed goes unpunished. Violet: I'll have the test results in two minutes. Christy: That's great. I mean the time to worry is so much less. When I was pregnant with you, those things took 20 minutes. Violet: Really? Christy: Yeah, that's how far science has come. So, that's great! [to Bonnie] We'll know the test results in 2 minutes. Bonnie: Wow. When I was pregnant with you, those things took 2 hours. Christy: Really? Bonnie: Yeah, that's a long time to wait in a gas station bathroom. A Small Nervous Meltdown and a Misplaced Fork [1.03] Bonnie: You know, I had sex with a missionary once and oddly -- he wasn't a fan of the position. Bonnie: [holding up one of Christy's dresses] Were you sober when you bought this? Christy: I don't even remember. I hate all my clothes, they're all from when I was drinking. Bonnie: [holds up red plastic dress] What were you when you bought this? Christy: Popular. Roscoe: [playing blackjack] I don't have anymore money. Bonnie: No money? Or no money ON you? Roscoe: Well, I have some upstairs in my piggy bank. Bonnie: Well it's not doing you any good up there, is it? Bonnie: So how'd it go with your boss? Christy: I broke his leg *and* his nose. Bonnie: It felt good, didn't it? Christy: No, it didn't. Bonnie: A little bit? Christy: ...A little. Loathing and Tube Socks [1.04] Six Thousand Bootleg T-Shirts and a Prada Handbag [1.05] Christy: Regina, I know this is difficult for you, but I just want you to know, I think you're doing great. Regina: Really? 'Cause I think I might snap and kill you and your mother in your sleep. Bonnie: Recovering from the fatal disease of alcoholism doesn't mean I can't get some strange every once in a while. Christy: You should sew that on a pillow. Abstinence and Pudding [1.06] Marjorie: Christy, if a man won't wait until you're ready to share your secret garden, he's not worth a second of your time. Bonnie: Secret garden? Holy Moses, how many cats do you own? Marjorie: Four. Luke: I'm telling you, I walked in on my parents having sex once and it traumatized me. Violet: This isn't the same thing. Luke: Yeah, it's worse, the kid can't run out of the room screaming. Violet: [Christy enters] Mom, tell Luke he's not going to hurt the baby. Christy: ...If I do that, he'll have sex with you. [to Luke] Stick to your guns. Bonnie: [Christy doesn't want to talk about her relationship] So how about you, Luke still worried he'll poke the baby's eye out? Violet: Luke is a very caring and sensitive person, and I don't want to talk about it. Bonnie: [pause] Well since nobody's going to ask me, I'll tell you, I took home a vice cop last night and I do want to talk about it. Estrogen and a Hearty Breakfast [1.07] Christy: [speaking to Luke's parents] All right, I just want to say that we've all come to really love your son, and I know my daughter is crazy about him, so... I'm sure there's a happy ending in here somewhere. Bonnie: If Violet just gave him a happy ending we woul... Christy: Mom! Christy: [as Luke's parents are leaving] By the way, Pastor. We're going to raise the baby Jewish. Bonnie: And we're not Jews. Christy: Shalom, bitch! Bonnie: [as Christy tucks her in] Am I pretty? Christy: What? Of course you are, you're beautiful. Bonnie: I don't feel beautiful. I feel like a man trapped in a man's body. Christy: That's all in your head. Bonnie: Are you saying I'm crazy? Christy: Not in this context. Go to sleep, things will look a lot better in the morning. Nathan: We're not sure that Luke is the only boy who has slept with this temptress. Bonnie: Now hold it right there, I can assure you that with every generation of our family, the women get better. Now, I may have been a drunken slut. Christy: She was. Bonnie: And my daughter may also have been a drunken slut. Christy: Hey! Bonnie: What? Christy: Sorry, go on. Bonnie: But this angel was pure as snow until she smoked your son's blunt, drank his tequila and made mad passionate love to him for about 2 minutes. [to Violet] Am I right so far? Violet: [uncomfortably] Pretty much. Big Sur and Strawberry Lube [1.08] Zombies and Cobb Salad [1.09] Belgian Waffles and Bathroom Privileges [1.10] Christy: Dammit, I forgot I have to take Violet to her doctor's appointment! Bonnie: I know, I had Luke take her in early. She's gained 3 pounds, the baby's the size of an heirloom tomato. Violet: Do we have a Bible? Christy: We have one that's hollowed out. Violet: Why would it be hollow? Christy: ...I misspoke. We don't have a Bible. Violet: Never mind, I'll just get one at the library. Christy: Why do you want to read the Bible? Violet: Because I'm curious. Christy: What? I didn't raise you to be curious. Violet: Luke's father thinks I should come to his church and work on my soul. Christy: Well you tell Luke's father that I said your soul can kick his soul's ass. Cotton Candy and Blended Fish [1.11] Christy: Marjorie, how many cats do you own? Marjorie: Oh, you don't own cats. You love them. Christy: Okay... How many cats do you love? Marjorie: [pointing and gesturing] Well, let's see. That's Carlos Santana, and that's Grace Slick, and that's Boz Skaggs, and Steve Miller, and these three are the Tower of Power horn section. And this fat little trouble-maker is Jerry Garcia. So... eight. Christy: [walks in on Luke and Violet on her bed with her jeans half on] God, lock the door! Luke: No, it's not what you think, I'm trying to get them *on* her. Christy: What? Violet: None of my stupid pants fit! Christy: Of course not, Violet, you're pregnant. You had to know this was going to happen. Violet: I did but I still wanted to be hot. Christy: You were hot, that's why you're pregnant. Corned Beef and Handcuffs [1.12] Rudy: But the real magic happens when we start to combine flavors. For example, take a simple cherry tomato, squirt a little aged balsamic vinegar into its fleshy center... Bonnie: Cherry. Squirt. Fleshy. You can't help yourself, can you? Rudy: It's very hard. Christy: Rudy said he doesn't want to see you anymore. Bonnie: What? Wait, why are you telling me this and not him? Christy: Because he has an emotionally crippling mother. Rudy: So why don't you drink? Bonnie: I'm allergic to alcohol, any time I drink it I break out in handcuffs. Rudy: What a shame, I happen to have a large collection of both wine and handcuffs. Hot Soup and Shingles [1.13] Leather Cribs and Medieval Rack [1.14] Christy: [Christy and Bonnie are confessing long-held secret to each other] Okay, I got one. Remember that kilo of hash that was stolen from your car? Bonnie: Yeah? Christy: Best. Junior Prom. Ever. Bonnie: Are you crazy? I was almost KILLED for that. Christy: Oh, I'm sorry. Bonnie: I had a GUN to my head in the desert, they made me dig my own grave! Christy: That's too bad. I was voted queen of the prom! Luke: This ass was spanked a lot as a kid and it's a better ass for it. Violet: Well I want to raise our baby with patience and understanding. Luke: Why? You weren't raised that way. Violet: I know. I want to do better by our child. I want to be able to break the cycle. Luke: Wow, that's ambitious. Fireballs and Bullet Holes [1.15] Alvin: [Knocks on door. Violet answers] Hi. Is Christy Plunkett here? Violet: You a bill collector? Alvin: No. Violet: Subpoena? Alvin: No. Violet: Are we being evicted again? Alvin: No. What do you mean "again"? Violet: Never mind. She's not here. Alvin: Oh, okay. You, uh... you must be her daughter. Violet: Listen pal, we're not joining your church. Alvin: I'm not... Forget it. I'll come back another time. Violet: Whatever. [Slams door] Alvin: Wow. My granddaughter's a joy. Nietzsche and a Beer Run [1.16] Christy: [ driving a firetruck stops at a red light] Bonnie: [following Christy) What are you doing? Christy: What it's a red light. Bonnie: You're in a firetruck. Christy: Oh right. [turns on sirens] Jail, Jail and Japanese Porn [1.17] Christy: I can't believe they found you guilty. Regina: I can. I stole three million dollars. Christy: Maybe they'll send you to one of those swanky country club jails. Regina: Get real. I'm a black woman who embezzled money from white people. I'm going to jail jail. Someone's gonna buy my ass for a KitKat bar. Bonnie: Well, it's only fair. KitKat bars helped build that thing. Regina: Where do you think Christy is? Bonnie: I think she's unrolling a fire hose. Regina: What? Bonnie: She's dating a fireman. Sonograms and Tube Tops [1.18] Christy: I thought this baby was going to be my second chance. Violet: How would that happen? Christy: Well, this time I wouldn't be drunk. I wouldn't pass out at a PTA meeting, at the wrong school. Violet: [dryly] Yeah, that wasn't too embarrassing. Christy: The baby shower's going to be great, fun and games and free stuff for the baby. Violet: I don't need it. Christy: Violet, I'm stealing food from work, trust me, we need it. Violet: No we don't. Christy: Why not? Violet: ...I've made a decision. I'm giving this baby up for adoption. [leaves] Christy: I feel like I just got punched in the heart. Violet: Dumbass crackers! Christy: What's the matter? Violet: Luke's parents. First they say they don't want a thing to do with this baby, and now they're freaking out because I'm giving up their "beloved grandkid". Bonnie: What about Luke? Violet: He was useless. Oh, and get this. [snarkily] Now his parents are insisting that they're going to adopt the baby! Christy: What'd you tell them? Violet: I told them that I don't want my kid being raised by religious fanatics. I want it raised by homosexuals! [leaves] Toilet Wine and the Earl of Sandwich [1.19] Regina: Do you know what the worst part of being in prison will be? Bonnie: Being in prison? Regina: No, that I won't get to see my son grow up. Bonnie: Oh... I'm gonna stop talking now. Marjorie: Don't say it if you don't mean it. Christy: When did you last see your son? Regina: Before my trial. Marjorie: But that was months ago! Regina: My ex-husband won't let me see him, not that I blame him. He just turned 10. He's going to be a teenager by the time I get out. Christy: Where's your ex live? Regina: In Stockton, about a hundred miles back. Christy: [pause] Hell with it. [turns the car around] We're going to Stockton! Regina: But I'll be late to turn myself in. Christy: What the hell are they gonna do, Regina? Throw you in jail? Clumsy Monkeys and a Tilted Uterus [1.20] Broken Dreams and Blocked Arteries [1.21] Violet: Hey. Alvin: Hey. Your mom tells me you've got a prom coming up. Violet: Um-hmm. Alvin: That sounds like fun. Violet: Yep. Alvin: What's the theme? Violet: Broken condoms, broken dreams. Alvin: [Nodding] Oh, okay. You've got a shot at being the Queen. Smokey Taylor and a Deathbed Confession [1.22] Christy: Shouldn't Luke be here by now? Violet: He didn't drive, he's high, so he took the bus. Christy: He smoked pot on the day you're having the baby? Violet: He smokes pot every day, it's not a big deal. Luke: [in the hall] Violet? Violet: I'm in here! Luke: [walks right by] Violet? Violet: I'm in here! Luke: Violet? Violet: You literally just walked past me! Luke: Violet? Christy: Everyday, huh? Violet: I changed my mind! Christy: I told you, you can't go home, you have to have this baby. Violet: No, I changed my mind, I'm keeping this baby! Christy: [she and Bonnie look at each other] Are you sure? Violet: I'm never going through this much pain again, so I need to keep this baby! Season 2 Hepatitis and Lemon Zest [2.01] Figgy Pudding and the Rapture [2.02] Chicken Nuggets and a Triple Homicide [2.03] Forged Resumes and the Recommended Dosage [2.04] Kimchi and a Monkey Playing Harmonica [2.05] Crazy Eyes and a Wet Brad Pitt [2.06] Soapy Eyes and a Clean Slate [2.07] Free Therapy and a Dead Lady's Yard Sale [2.08] Godzilla and a Sprig of Mint [2.09] Nudes and a Six Day Cleanse [2.10] Three Smiles and an Unpainted Ceiling [2.11] Kitty Litter and a Class A Felony [2.12] Cheeseburger Salad and Jazz [2.13] Benito Poppins and a Warm Pumpkin [2.14] Turkey Meatballs and a Getaway Car [2.15] Dirty Money and a Woman Named Mike [2.16] A Commemorative Coin and a Misshapen Head [2.17] Dropped Soap and a Big Guy on a Throne [2.18] Mashed Potatoes and a Little Nitrous [2.19] Sick Popes and a Red Ferrari [2.20] Patient Zero and the Chocolate Fountain [2.21] Fun Girl Stuff and Eternal Salvation [2.22] Season 3 Terrorists and Gingerbread [3.01] Thigh Gap and a Rack of Lamb [3.02] Mozzarella Sticks and a Gay Piano Bar [3.03] Sawdust and Brisket [3.04] A Pirate, Three Frogs and a Prince [3.05] Horny-Goggles and a Catered Intervention [3.06] Kreplach and a Tiny Tush [3.07] Snickerdoodle and a Nip Slip [3.08] My Little Pony and a Demerol Drip [3.09] Quaaludes and Crackerjack [3.10] Cinderella and a Drunk MacGyver [3.11] Diabetic Lesbians and a Blushing Bride [3.12] Sticky Hands and a Walk on the Wild Side [3.13] Death, Death, Death and a Bucket of Chicken [3.14] Nazi Zombies and a Two-Hundred Pound Baby [3.15] Cornflakes and the Hair of Three Men [3.16] Caperberries and a Glass Eye [3.17] Beast Mode and Old People Kissing [3.18] A Catheter and a Dipsy-Doodle [3.19] Pure Evil and a Free Piece of Cheesecake [3.20] Mahjong Sally and the Ecstasy [3.21] Atticus Finch and the Downtrodden [3.22] Season 4 High-tops and Brown Jacket [4.01] Sword Fights and a Dominican Shortstop [4.02] Sparkling Water and Ba-dinkers [4.03] Curious George and the Big Red Nightmare [4.04] Blow and a Free McMuffin [4.05] Xanax and a Baby Duck [4.06] Cornbread and a Cashmere Onesie [4.07] Freckled Bananas and a Little Schwinn [4.08] Bad Hand and British Royalty [4.09] A Safe Word and a Rib Eye [4.10] Good Karma and the Big Weird [4.11] Wind Chimes and a Bottomless Pit of Sadness [4.12] A Bouncy Castle and an Aneurysm [4.13] Roast Chicken and a Funny Story [4.14] Night Swimmin' and an English Muffin [4.15] Martinis and a Sponge Bath [4.16] Black Mold and an Old Hot Dog [4.17] Tush Push and Some Radishes [4.18] Tantric Sex and the Sprouted Flute [4.19] A Cricket and a Hedge Made of Gold [4.20] A Few Thongs and a Hawaiian Funeral [4.21] Lockjaw and a Liquid Diet [4.22] Season 5 Twinkle Lights and Grandma Shoes [5.01] Fish Town and Too Many Thank You's [5.02] [The end credits scroll up. The logo reads: Chuck Lorre Productions, #570] Emoji: Believe me. [Last lines] A Seafaring Ancestor and a Bloomin' Onion [5.03] Fancy Crackers and Giant Women [5.04] Poodle Fuzz and a Twinge of Jealousy [5.05] Bonnie (watching commercial on TV): Do you have any idea what plaque psoriasis is? Christy: Maybe when you get an award for your psoriasis. Smooth Jazz and a Weird Floaty Eye [5.06] Too Many Hippies and Huevos Rancheros [5.07] An Epi-Pen and a Security Cat [5.08] Teenage Vampires and a White Russian [5.09] A Bear and a Bladder Infection [5.10] Bert and Ernie and a Blessing of the People [5.11] Push-Down Coffee and a Working Turn Signal [5.12] Pudding and a Screen Door [5.13] Charlotte Brontë and a Backhoe [5.14] Esta Loca and a Little Klingon [5.15] Eight Cats and the Hat Show [5.16] Crazy Snakes and a Clog to the Head [5.17] Spaghetti Sauce and a Dumpster Fire [5.18] A Taco Bowl and a Tubby Seamstress [5.19] Ocular Fluid and Fighting Robots [5.20] Phone Confetti and a Wee Dingle [5.21] Diamond Earrings and a Pumpkin Head [5.22] Season 6 Pre-Washed Lettuce and a Mime [6.01] Go-Go Boots and a Butt Cushion [6.02] Ambulance Chasers and a Babbling Brook [6.03] Big Sauce and Coconut Water [6.04] Flying Monkeys and a Tank of Nitrous [6.05] Cottage Cheese and a Weird Buzz [6.06] Puzzle Club and a Closet Party [6.07] Jell-O Shots and the Truth about Santa [6.08] Pork Loin and a Beat Up Monte Carlo [6.09] Flamingos and a Dance-Based Exercise Class [6.10] Foot Powder and the Barrelworks Pirates [6.11] Hacky Sack and a Beautiful Experience [6.12] Big Floor Pillows and a Ball of Fire [6.13] Kalamazoo and a Bad Wedge of Brie [6.14] Sparkling Banter and a Failing Steel Town [6.15] Skippy and the Knowledge Hole [6.16] Cincinnati and a Toe Situation [6.17] Soup Town and a Little Blonde Mongoose [6.18] Lumbar Support and Old Pork [6.19] Triple Dip and an Overhand Grip [6.20] Fingers Guns and a Beef Bourguignon [6.21] Crazy Hair and a Teeny Tiny Part of Canada [6.22] Season 7 Audrey Hepburn and a Jalapeño Pepper [7.01] Pop Pop and a Puma [7.02] Goat Yogurt and Ample Parking [7.03] Twirly Flippy Men and a Dirty Bird [7.04] Fake Bacon and a Plan to Kill All of Us [7.05] Wile E. Coyote and a Possessed Doll [7.06] Pork Butt and a Mall Walker [7.07] Hot Butter and Toxic Narcissism [7.08] Tuna Florentine and a Clean Handoff [7.09] Higgledy-Piggledy and a Cat Show [7.10] One Tiny Incision and a Coffin Dress [7.11] Silly Frills and a Depressed Garden Gnome [7.12] Dammit Sandra and Viking Ancestors [7.13] Cheddar Cheese and a Squirrel Circus [7.14] Somebody's Grandmother and the A-List [7.15] Judy Garland and a Sexy Troll Doll [7.16] Beef Baloney Dan and a Sarcastic No [7.17] A Judgy Face and Your Grandma's Drawers [7.18] Texas Pete and a Parking Lot Carnival [7.19] Big Sad Eyes and an Antique Hot Dog [7.20] Season 8 My Kinda People and the Big To-Do [8.18] [The last lines of the series] Bonnie: This has been quite a day. I think I've had every feeling a person can have. Some of them great, some of them just awful. And never once thought about drinking or using. But that's not the miracle. The miracle is I never thought about myself. I was thinking about the people I love and how I can help them. And also some fish, which is ironic, 'cause I had sushi for lunch. I didn't care. It was... When I walked in that door eight years ago, I was so filled with fear and self-loathing, shame. But now, I kind of like me. I kind of love me. [Tears up] I love my husband, I love my daughter, my friends, my grandkids. I even love those two crazy bitches in the back row. Jolene: I think that's us. Shannon: It is. Bonnie: I've always heard people in meetings say how they're grateful alcoholics, and I never understood it. It actually kind of pissed me off. But now I get it. My name is Bonnie and I'm a grateful alcoholic. And if that pisses you off, just keep coming back. Thank you. [The groups applauds and Bonnie walks to the back] Would you guys join us for coffee? Shannon: Just say yes. Jolene: Yes. Wendy: Who else would like to share? Cast Anna Faris - Christy Plunkett (seasons 1-7) Allison Janney - Bonnie Plunkett Sadie Calvano - Violet Plunkett (regular season 1-3, recurring season 4) Nate Corddry - Gabriel (regular seasons 1-2) Matt L. Jones - Baxter (regular season 1-3, recurring season 4) French Stewart - Chef Rudy (regular season 1-2, recurring season 6-7) Spencer Daniels - Luke (regular seasons 1-2) Blake Garrett Rosenthal - Roscoe (regular season 1-3, recurring season 4) Mini Kennedy - s Marjorie Armstrong (recurring season 1, regular season 2-8) Jaime Pressly - Jill Kendall (recurring season 2, regular season 3-8) Beth Hall - Wendy Harris (recurring season 2, regular season 3-8) External links 2660806 Mom at TV.com Category:2010s American multi-camera sitcoms Category:2020s American multi-camera sitcoms Category:Cancelled shows due to coronavirus pandemic Category:CBS sitcoms Category:TV shows about dysfunctional families Category:Chuck Lorre Category:Chuck Lorre Productions Category:TV shows set in California