All Cheerleaders Die

All Cheerleaders Die is a 2013 American high school black comedy horror film about an eccentric sorcery practicing social misfit girl that reincarnates a group of cheerleaders after an automobile accident with a turn of events has their high school football team captain and cohorts getting thrust into a supernatural battle of the sexes with the school cheerleaders. Directed by Lucky McKee and Chris Sivertson You can't kill their spirit. Alexis Grace Andersen [When asked By Maddy why she cheerleads] 'Cause it's dangerous. This is the most dangerous sport in American high school, bitch. More catastrophic injuries per student. [A boy comes up to Alexis hugging and kissing her] Oh, Marvin. And diplomatic. Proactive. Seriously, hon. Come to the realm, boys! [Jerks her torso back and forth] My bitches do not disappoint. [Turns around with both hands effeminately raised] Blackfoot Bloodhounds, yo. [Holds out upturned left hand] Boys be dogs, [Holds out upturned right hand] girls be bitches. Gangster. [Flips both hands, turns and walks away] After that, I track down Terry and, um... blue up his balls. God, Terry charges my bones. For real. [Scene of Terry groping her rear end in hallway] Next year, he's captain of the football team and... I'm captain of the squad, so it's pretty much gonna be the best year ever. MMS class. I avoid taking honors classes, so I can maintain all A's. Overheard that from a senior bitch, freshmen year. Take basic classes, show up on time and always look hot! [Upon being resurrected from her grave by Leena's sorcery stones] Leena! Hanna Popkin [In Martha Popkin's body, on phone] Hey, Dad. Me and the bitches, the girls, um, we are going to be staying at Maddy's house tonight, because we have a whole lot of cheers that we have to go over and practice and everything. So, I guess we'll be seeing you tomorrow. Uh, don't work too hard. We love you. Okay, bye, Dad. Bye. Tracy Bingham I'm not going to say you have a small dick, Terry, 'cause that would just be predictable. I mean, it's not big, and that's fine, but for the sake of the puppies, I just want to make sure you know how to use it. Three people in my seventeen years have made me come. Myself of course. This really sweet boy at camp the summer after freshman year. Lovely fingers on that boy. And then, not ten minutes ago, I got my frigging socks rocked off... by Maddy. But never by you, Terry. Is a big tough guy like you scared of a sweet little thing like me. What do you think, Maddy? Do you think I hurt Mr. Tiny Peepee's little feelings? Oh, are you gonna cry, Terry? Huh? Are you gonna cry? [Terry punches her in the face] God, I'm freaking starving, Larry! [Drinking milk from jug at Larry's residence] The bitches think I'm crazy, but, I drink like half a gallon a day. [Placing head against Larry's chest] We can hear the sound of your heart. Clear the road puppies. Bloodhound bitches in the house y'all. Martha Popkin [In Hanna's body] I crashed us and now, God is punishing me. Terry Stankus [To Vik] Is it our fault, chicks can't drive for shit? [Runs into Vik after he quits to coaches, knocking him down] You think I'm gonna let you quit?! [Referring to Mäddy] I never understood why you had the hots for her, Viky. Till I fucked her, this summer. She puts up a good fight! [To Vik] I'm your best friend, bud! I broke her in for you and everything! [Laughing at Vik who is tricked By Maddy into getting his blood sucked out] Oh, you are such a little bitch, Vik. I owe it to you, too, cuz. [Hoists Hannah's body on his shoulder] You want her? Come and get her. You girls got your seatbelts on?! [Laughs maniacally and drives away] [Running after cheerleaders in forest] I don't know but I've been told! Killing pussies, going home! [After cutting stones out of Hannah and then swallowing the magic stones] Mmm. Taste's like jelly beans. I'm like the cookie monster up in this bitch. Oh, I hope that shit was gluten-free! George Shank That voodoo dyke and her bitches are picking us dogs off. One by one. Bitches glowing like Lite-Brites and shit. You saw it. Ben Fector So, there's two things you gotta know about George's van. One, there's always a weed stash. And two, it's never locked. And three, it smells like dick. Leena Miller I'm sorry, Larry. I think, my friends are hungry. [They proceed to suck the life juice out of him] You're not leaving me... I won't let you... G...O...! [Gives a banshee scream] Mäddy Killian [When asking Alexis why she cheerleads when its dangerous] Like you can sprain a tit or something. The hard part is going to be, pretending that I actually like those dumb bitches. Like that dipshit, Tracy. Acts like she's all sad but then, jumps on Terry's jock before Alexis is even in the ground. That's classy. And Terry. Mr. big bad wolf himself. I'm gonna ruin your perfect little senior year, dog. But, right now. I have to go and paint my face up like those whores. So, uh... Mäddy Killian, out! Students Wow, Hanna. Didn't know you had tits. If she's a dog. She must have six more hidden somewhere, dude. Dialogue Mäddy Killian: [Sitting in Alexis vehicle while she applies lipstick] So, why do it? Alexis Grace Andersen: 'Cause it's dangerous. Mäddy Killian: Like you can sprain a tit or something. Alexis Grace Andersen: This is the most dangerous sport in American high school, bitch. Mäddy Killian: More dangerous than football? AlexisGrace Andersen: More catastrophic injuries per student. [Leaving vehicle and places arms on hood and hip] How do I look? Mäddy Killian: Dangerous. Alexis Grace Andersen: Duh. Mäddy Killian: Take me through a typical Thursday. Alexis Grace Andersen: Well, first I get up at the ass crack for my run. I mean, obviously staying in shape is a part of the gig. It's called cheerleading. You know, I have to be a leader. Alexis Grace Andersen: [A boy comes up to Alexis hugging and kissing her] Oh, Marvin. And diplomatic. Proactive. Seriously, hon. Come to the realm, boys! [Jerks her torso back and forth] My bitches do not disappoint. Mäddy Killian: So why do you call yourselves bitches? Alexis Grace Andersen: [Turns around with both hands effeminately raised] Blackfoot Bloodhounds, yo. [Holds out upturned left hand] Boys be dogs, [Holds out upturned right hand] girls be bitches. Gangster. [Flips both hands, turns and walks away] Mäddy Killian: [Leena approaches and greets] Not now, Leena. Leena Miller: Maddy! Alexis Grace Andersen: [Sitting on field] After that, I track down Terry and, um... blue up his balls. God, Terry charges my bones. For real. [Scene of Terry groping her rear end in hallway] Next year, he's captain of the football team and... I'm captain of the squad, so it's pretty much gonna be the best year ever. MMS class. I avoid taking honors classes, so I can maintain all A's. Overheard that from a senior bitch, freshmen year. Take basic classes, show up on time and always look hot! Mäddy Killian: Do you wanna show me some action now? Alexis Grace Andersen: Bitch, I thought you would never ask. Martha Popkin: Where's Hanna? Hanna Popkin: [Runs over in a furry suit] Here! Sorry, Lexi, the head got stuck and... Alexis Grace Andersen: Put it on. Hanna Popkin: Well? Alexis Grace Andersen: Magical. All right, smart ass. Check this shit out. [Cheer squad throws her in the air of a stunt and Alexis falls on head snapping her neck] Cheer squad: Oh, my God! Get up, Alexis! Mäddy Killian: Get some sleep. You wanna look hot for the rally, tomorrow. Tracy Bingham: That's right, bitch. [Football players are working out in weightroom] Manchester 'Manny' Mankiewitz: What do you think my chances are tonight with Martha? George Shank: [Chuckles derisively] The chances of you striking out? Pretty goddamn good! Manchester 'Manny' Mankiewitz: Come on, man. It's rally night. Something could happen. George Shank: She even let you smell it? Vik De Palma: Hey, guys. I snagged a couple of bottles of kank out of my dad's garage last night. Shit, you guys smoke? George Shank: Enough to kill a horse, yo. Vik De Palma: Do we keep this party exclusive enough? George Shank: [Fist bumps Vik] Yo, if we ain't hung the fuck over for the first day tomorrow. We just ain't dogs. Woof! Vik De Palma: [Terry walks over to a guy who has finished with weights] Terry? Terry Stankus: Hey, man. You mind not slamming every single weight down like that? Workout guy: It's a weight room. Get over it. [Puts on headphones] Whatever, dude. Manchester 'Manny' Mankiewitz: Hey, Tracy. Do you know where Terry is? He wasn't at the rally and he's not answering me. Tracy Bingham: Probably eating dick somewhere! Hanna Popkin: [Walks up to Leena performing a sorcery ritual with stones in a cave alcove] What are those? Leena Miller: You'll just make fun of me. Hanna Popkin: No, I wouldn't. Leena Miller: These stones put out special energy, all I'm doing is focusing it. Hanna Popkin: On what? Leena Miller: Protecting someone. Hanna Popkin: Who? Leena Miller: Oh. Look, Hanna. I'm kinda doing my own thing here. Hanna Popkin: Okay, sorry. [Walks away] Leena Miller: Hanna? Come on, I'll show you. [Hanna walks back and Leena points to sorcery stones] Okay. This is you. This is somebody close to you. This is somebody close to them. Does this sound right to you? Maddy Killian: What do I do now? Leena Miller: Uh... clear your mind and focus on what you want. Maddy Killian: Anything I want? Leena Miller: As long as you're prepared to deal with the consequences. Maddy Killian: Consequences like what? Leena Miller: Okay. Say um, the mother of a soldier makes a wish that she wants her son back from the war. And she gets her wish. But, her son comes back in a body bag. Maddy Killian: [Nods] Consequences. Leena Miller: Exactly, so... Vik De Palma: [Terry arrives at a beer blast in the forest] What's up, brother? Terry Stankus: What's left to drink? Vik De Palma: Uh, we've still got a few beers left. Terry Stankus: Do I look like I want a beer? Vik De Palma: No, man. Ben Fector: Oh, there he is, yo. I haven't seen you in forever, dog. Oh, yo. Give the man a swig, yo. Hey, you want some smoke? Vik De Palma: Oh, okay. George Shank: No, no, no. Not you, man. Vik De Palmaz: Give me a smoke. George Shank: No, you can't have any, dude. [Spots Manny standing with Tracy, Maddy and Martha] Goddamn, Manny. Vik De Palma: Give me a fucking hit. Terry Stankus: [Speaking to Manny] You good, man? You want to waste your senior year chasing a Jesus freak who's never gonna put out? That's fine with me, 'cause. [Manny walks over to Terry] Martha Popkin: What? Terry Stankus: But, if that's how it's going to be, Manchester, your ass is going to be warming the bench all season. [Endearingly grabs Manny] Mmm. My dogs! I've been thinking. If we're gonna go all the way, this year. We gotta shake things up. So, I'm instituting a new team rule. No fraternizing with cheerleaders. Effective immediately. It's good enough for the NFL. It's good enough for Blackfoot fucking high. Come on, fellas. Sack up! You're gonna realize, I'm doing you a favor. There's a whole world of pussy out there. Drama chicks. Stoners. Mmm. Goths, smart bitches. Hell, even fat bitches got their charms, brothers. And tomorrow, first day of school... You're eyes are gonna be open to a fucking gold mine. Just waiting there. Freshmen. [Squeezes Manny's head against his chest] You ain't gonna remember that cunt's name when your balls deep in a puppy that was blowing bubbles in the eighth grade, last spring. George Shank: Fucking A, boss! [Endearingly slaps Manny's shoulder] That's what I'm talking about! Martha Popkin: All right, girls, we're leaving. Terry Stankus: Hell, yeah. Grab me that smoke. Maddy Killian: You're gonna let him talk to your bitches like that, Tracy. This will stop, right fucking now. Go! [Tracy walks up to Terry] Martha Popkin: [In Hanna's body] It's my fault. I crashed us and now god is punishing me. Maddy Killian: Martha was driving. Martha Popkin: [In Hanna's body] I was... Hanna Popkin: [In Martha's body] She was... Maddy Killian: Oh my god! I swear to God, I'm going to kill somebody! Maddy Killian: I've kept my mouth shut about you and your mom's crazy wicca bullshit for as long as I possibly can, Leena. Hanna Popkin: [In Martha's body] What's a wicca? Leena Miller: No, it's not exactly as wicca. Maddy Killian: Leena's a witch. Hanna Popkin: [In Martha's body] That's not nice, Maddy. You shouldn't call people names. Leena Miller: No, she's right. I am a witch. Maddy Killian: At least she thinks she is. Tracy Bingham: [In science class] What are the odds, Ben. We're table mates. Ben Fector: It sounded like... you're speaking my language. You guys are okay? Tracy Bingham: Sure. Ben Fector: We tried to help you guys, we just... We... You know, we couldn't get down there... Tracy Bingham: Hey, hey, hey. [Holds out hand for handshake] No harm, no foul, right? [Ben reciprocates and Tracy pulls Ben close] Get me high after class, we'll call it even. Boy at desk: [Notices glowing stone on Leena's neck] Oh, shave my ball sack. Maddy Killian: [Walks up to Terry and George talking to three girls in hallway] Terry, how's your hand? Punched his girlfriend in the face. I mean, you know. That shit can hurt the puncher as much as the punchee, so... Terry Stankus: [To hallway girls] Maddy and I had a little fling over the summer. I guess she's still a bit sore from it. 'Hallway girl: All right, we're gonna go. We'll see you guys later. [Girls walk away] Maddy Killian: Remember the buddy system, girls. Terry Stankus: There's only one outcome when people play games with me, Maddy. They lose. Maddy Killian: Playtime's over, Terry. Terry Stankus: What happened last night? Maddy Killian: You know, before last night, I was just gonna ruin your senior year. But now... I'm gonna have to kill you. George Shank: Just watch your mouth, dyke. [Maddy collapses to floor clutching abdomen in pain and her lower back is glowing] Let's go, man. Let's go! Maddy Killian: What the fuck is happening? Leena Miller: Somebody got fucked. Somebody got killed. I'm going to gym. We should never have come to school. Tracy Bingham: [Approaches] Hey, bitches! Leena Miller: Who was it? Tracy Bingham: What do you mean? [Pause] Ben. Leena Miller: At least it's not more innocent blood on our hands. No more feeding at school! Manchester 'Manny' Mankiewitz: [Leaving washroom after making love to Hanna in Martha's body] Vik. Dude, it happened. Vik De Palma: What's up? What happened? Manchester 'Manny' Mankiewitz: Dude, me, Martha, the handicap bathroom. Dude, I was all up in that sweet, sweet freezer. Vik De Palma: What freezer? What are you talking about? Manchester 'Manny' Mankiewitz: Hey, I didn't even know. Vik De Palma: Know what? Manchester 'Manny' Mankiewitz: That it's cold in there. Uh... I don't even... It's supposed to be cold in there, right? Hanna Popkin: Martha? How could you do it? How could you have sex... with my sister? Manchester 'Manny' Mankiewitz: She's my girlfriend. Hanna Popkin: No, I'm your girlfriend. Manchester 'Manny' Mankiewitz: Um, I can't miss class for whatever this is, Hanna, so why don't you... Hanna Popkin: No, you stop right there, Mr. Man. Manchester 'Manny' Mankiewitz: Hanna, you're a... You're a sweet kid. But, you don't need to be like your sister. I love her, but everybody hates it when she pulls that prissy, bossy bullshit. [He turns to walk away and Hanna then screams and chases after him who gives chase and she flings him onto a tree killing him] Terry Stankus: [George opens van to reveal corpse of Ben] Anyone else seen this? George Shank: No. Terry Stankus: Let's keep it that way. Tracy Bingham: Practice time, bitches. Leena Miller: What? Tracy Bingham: We're not slacking on my watch, big game Friday night. Leena Miller: Okay, did you feed again? Tracy Bingham: No, you said not to. I'm a team player. Leena Miller: Somebody did and... Terry stole my stones. Tracy Bingham: Okay, enough already. Bitches and I got work to do. Leena Miller: Come on, Mads. Terry Stankus: You've seen Vik? George Shank: No. Terry Stankus: What about Manny? George Shank: No, not since lunch. You thinking what I'm thinking, boss? Terry Stankus: What are you thinking, Shank? George Shank: That voodoo dyke and her bitches are picking us dogs off. One by one. Bitches glowing like Lite-Brites and shit. You saw it. Vik De Palma: Look, I've been thinking a lot. Coaches: About borrowing your sister's clothes? Don't be an asshole, Vik. Vik De Palma: No, fuck you guys. Coaches: You're being a pussy. That's what you're being. Vik De Palma: [Throws down helmet] Find yourself a new quarterback. Coaches: You're being a pussy! Fuck you! Pussy! Terry Stankus: [Runs into Manny knocking him down] You think I'm gonna let you quit?! Terry Stankus: [Captures Leena after chase] Come on, Leena. We gotta talk. [Referring to sorcery stones] You're gonna tell me how to use these. [Referring to Tracy] She just died, didn't she? Again. [Scene of Tracy lying lifeless in trap] Trap must've ripped that stone right out of her. And you feel it. Is that it? [Screams] BUT I FEEL FUCKING GREAT! Why is that?! Leena Miller: Because you're an interloper. Terry Stankus: Like a free agent? Leena Miller: More like a leech. Terry Stankus: I'm so sorry. What can I do with these? You wanna show me? Or... [produces hunting knife] I can see what happens... [brings knife to her face] when I carve that one out of your throat. Leena Miller: No. Terry Stankus: It's your call. Leena Miller: No, you... [runs away and Terry's throws knife into Leena's back and she falls down] Terry Stankus: Holy shit! I've never done that before. Ah! This is a new and improved Terry. Oh, it's gonna be a hell of a season thanks to you. You know, I never did get a straight answer on that. Girlfriend? Ex-girlfriend? Maddy Killian: [Attacks Terry with a bear trap] Girlfriend, bitch! Terry Stankus: [Torturing Leena] It's a new and improved Terry. It's gonna be a hell of a season thanks to you and... you know I never got a straight answer on that. Girlfriend? Ex-girlfriend? Maddy Killian: [Clamps a bear trap on his arm] Girlfriend, bitch! Taglines They're young. They're beautiful. They're back from the dead. Revenge is a bitch. Cast Sidney Allison as Taylor Shay Astar as Ms. Wolf Sam Bean as Moochie Nicholas Bloom as Nicholas Nadia Boceski as Kayle Michael Bowen as Larry Shane Bowen as Rock Brooke Butler as Tracy Bingham Amanda Grace Cooper as Hanna Popkin Felisha Cooper as Alexis Grace Andersen Brandon Hampton as Football Player Jesse Hlubik as Coach Bantari Reanin Johannink as Martha Popkin External links 2527186 All Cheerleaders Die Category:2013 films Category:2010s American films Category:Black comedy films Category:2010s horror films Category:American football films Category:Films about revenge