One, Two, Three

thumb right|175px|thumb|James CagneyPut your pants on, Spartacus! One, Two, Three is a 1961 American comedy film about a Coca Cola salesman set in a Berlin divided between the capitalist west and Communist East. Directed by Billy Wilder and written by him and I.A.L. Diamond, based on the 1929 Hungarian one-act play Egy, kettö, három by Ferenc Molnár. Dialogue C.R. MacNamara, the Coca-Cola (Berlin) boss, and Schlemmer, his German assistant right|175px|thumb|Adolf who? C.R. MacNamara: Just between us, Schlemmer, what did you do during the war? Schlemmer: I was in der Untergrund: the underground. C.R. MacNamara: Resistance fighter? Schlemmer: No, motorman. In the underground, you know, the subway. C.R. MacNamara: Of course you were anti-Nazi and you never liked Adolf. Schlemmer: Adolf who? [But later, Schlemmer recognizes the reporter Untermeyer] Schlemmer: Herr Oberleutnant! C.R. MacNamara: You two know each other? Schlemmer: He was my commanding officer. C.R. MacNamara: In the subway? Schlemmer: No, after that, when I was drafted. C.R. MacNamara: Aha! Gestapo! Schlemmer: No, no, SS. Otto, the young East German communist, Scarlet, his (to begin with secret) wife and daughter of the Coca-Cola top boss, the MacNamara's should take care of Otto: I will not have my son grow up to be a capitalist. Scarlet: When he's 18 he can make his mind up whether he wants to be a capitalist or a rich communist. Otto: They have assigned us a magnificent apartment. Just a short walk from the bathroom. Scarlett: Tell daddy I'm going to the U.S.S.R. That's short for Russia. C.R. MacNamara: Are you out of your seventeen year old mind? Russia is to get out of, not to get into! Otto: [bursts into room wearing boxers, shirt, tie and morning coat] I'm going to like this job! C.R. MacNamara: It's about time you started cooperating. Otto: You know what the first thing is I'm going to do? I'm going to lead the workers down there in revolt! C.R. MacNamara: Put your pants on, Spartacus! C.R. MacNamara dealing with Russian biznismeni of East Berlin, and they with him, with a brief comment by Otto C.R. MacNamara: Cigarette? Cigar? Peripetchikoff: Here, take one of these. C.R. Macnamara: Thanks. Hm, 'Made in Havana'. Peripetchikoff: We have trade agreement with Cuba. They send us cigars, we send them rockets. C.R. Macnamara: Good thinking. C.R. MacNamara: You know something? You guys got cheated. This is a pretty crummy cigar. Peripetchikoff: Do not worry. We send them pretty crummy rockets. Borodenko: When will papers be ready? C.R. Macnamara: I'll put my secretary right to work on it. Mishkin: Your secretary? She's that blond lady? C.R. Macnamara: That's the one. Peripetchikoff: [after conferring with the others] You will send papers to East Berlin with blond lady in triplicate. C.R. Macnamara: You want the papers in triplicate, or the blond in triplicate? Peripetchikoff: See what you can do. Peripetchikoff: Well, Comrades, what are we going to do? He's got it - we want it. Are we going to accept this blackmailing capitalist's deal? Mishkin: Let's take a vote. Peripetchikoff: I vote yes. Mishkin: I vote yes. Peripetchikoff: Two out of three. Deal is on! Borodenko: Comrades, before you get in trouble, I must warn you, I am not really from Soft Drink Secretariat. I am undercover agent assigned to watch you. Mishkin: In that case I vote no. Deal is off. Borodenko: But I vote yes! Peripetchikoff: Two out of three again! Deal is on! Otto Ludwig Piffl: Is everybody in this world corrupt? Peripetchikoff: I don't know everybody.MacNamara: You've defected?Peripetchikoff: Is old Russian proverb: "go west young man." Quotes Otto on the space race right|175px|thumb|Piffl!! Soviet missiles (shoots hand into the air) fffffffffffwwwwwwwwwwoooooosssh.Venus!American missiles (hand goes up then down) phft phft. Miami Beach. Otto on the US Otto: Capitalism is like a dead herring in the moonlight. It shines, but it stinks!C.R. MacNamara: Schlemmer!! [Last line in movie as MacNamara finds a Pepsi-Cola in the Coke machine.]Otto: I spit on your money. I spit on Fort Knox. I spit on Wall Street.C.R. MacNamara': Unsanitary little jerk, isn't he? Cast James Cagney – C.R. "Mac" MacNamara Horst Buchholz – Otto Ludwig Piffl Pamela Tiffin – Scarlett Hazeltine Arlene Francis – Phyllis MacNamara Leon Askin – Peripetchikoff Howard St. John – Wendell P. Hazeltine External links Category:1961 American films Category:American comedy films Category:Films directed by Billy Wilder Category:Screenplays by Billy Wilder Category:1961 English-language films Category:American satirical films Category:Cold War films Category:Films set in Berlin