Dharma & Greg

Dharma & Greg (1997-2002) was an American sitcom about a mismatched married couple. It starred Jenna Elfman and Thomas Gibson in the title roles. In April 2002, ABC ended the series after 5 seasons. __TOC__ Season 1 (1997-1998) Pilot [1.1] [First lines in the series] Young Dharma: Leo, Sagittarius, and Aries. Abby O'Neil: Very good. Now the water signs. Young Dharma: Pisces, Scorpio... Abby, look. Policemen. Larry Finkelstein: And what do we say to policemen? Young Dharma: I have a Fourth Amendment right prohibiting you from conducting an unreasonable search. Larry Finkelstein: [offering her the "down low" hand slap] Yeah. Give me some skin. And The In-Laws Meet [1.2] Greg: It's raining. We're not going to sleep in the rain, are we? Dharma: No, silly, you don't sleep in the rain. You make love in the rain. Greg: Ah. What if there's lightning? Dharma: Then you get to be on top. Dharma: He acted this way when I wanted to be a Girl Scout. Larry: It's a para-military organization with cookies. Larry: Next thing you know, she'll get a social security number. Dharma: I got one. Larry: What? Why? Dharma: I opened a checking account. Larry: Are you insane? You're on the grid now. They can find you anywhere. Greg: Who's "they"? Larry: You. Shower The People You Love With Love [1.3] And Then There's The Wedding [1.4] [Before Dharma and Greg's wedding] Dharma: Can you see me? Greg: Yes. Dharma: Oh, I totally misunderstood that groom-can't-see-the-bride-in-her-wedding-dress-thing. [Kitty comes in] Kitty: What are you doing here? You can't see her in her dress! Dharma: See, that's what I thought! Abby: Larry, did you eat meat? Larry: No. Abby: You ate meat. I can smell it. Larry: That's my tongue. It's made of meat. Kitty: Look! Look at these! They're awful! Edward: They're just flowers. Nobody cares. Kitty: And by "nobody", you mean "you". Edward: Yes. Kitty: Well, let me tell you something, Edward. Everybody cares. And by "everybody" I mean "me". I care, Edward. That is my job in this family. I care. I care at every Christmas dinner. I care at every business function. I care everytime that maid puts a meal down in front of you. And for some reason or other, you don't seem to notice. Edward: All right, all right. Here's the checkbook. Kitty: Thank you, Thank you, Edward. I will tuck this away in the gaping void that was once my soul. Edward: Don't lose the pen this time. The Ex-Files [1.5] Yoga and Boo Boo [1.6] Indian Summer [1.7] He Ain't Heavy, He's My Father [1.9] The First Thanksgiving [1.10] Kitty: Oh, Gregory, darling, every bride thinks she wants to cook a Thanksgiving dinner and it always ends up the same. Someone cries, someone is rushed to the emergency room and a perfectly lovely bird gets wasted. Which, if I don't eat soon, will be me. Dharma: Kitty where's the potato masher Kitty: I told you I gave her the day off Instant Dharma [1.11] Haus Arrest [1.12] You Want Fries With That? [1.13] Old Yeller [1.14] Dharma: Honey.. I love you, but bite me. The Second Coming Of Leonard [1.15] Dharma & Greg's First Romantic Valentine's Day Weekend [1.16] The Official Dharma & Greg Episode Of The 1998 Winter Olympics [1.17] Daughter Of The Bride Of Finkelstein [1.18] Dharma's Tangled Web [1.19] The Cat's Out Of The Bag [1.20] Dharma: What's going on? Greg: Well there is no pretty way to say this but my father picked up a woman who robbed him and left him tied to a bed in a hotel room... Pete: Hey buddy, take it easy on him it can be pretty upsetting the first time. Kitty: (Reads Fortune Cookie) True wealth is measured in friendships. Oh nonsense Spring Forward, Fall Down [1.21] Much Ado During Nothing [1.22] Kitty: What is it ? Greg: It's a duck. Ed: That's not a duck, it's a goose. Dharma: Yes, but captain, my captain, goose does not rhyme... Invasion Of The Buddy Snatcher [1.23] Roger: Dharma do you have anything for a headache ? Dharma: Why what's the matter ? Roger: I have a headache... Dharma: Well Roger that's just a symptom, I mean usually there is an emotional problem that goes along with a physical illness... Roger: Yeah, aspirin, ibuprofen... Dharma: Loneliness, depression, anger... Pete: So it doesn't bother you that your wife is talking to Stuart about his...well you know ? Greg: You can say impotence. Pete: No you can't ! Cause if you say it, you think it and if you think it you got it ! Larry: I can not endorse by my actions any system that places one human being in servitude to an other. Season 2 (1998-1999) Ringing Up Baby [2.1] Greg: Pete, she's having a baby ! Pete: Yeah but she's giving it to you ! Greg: No, she's not ! Pete: Hey how long after they have the kid do they keep making milk ? Greg: Seek professional help you are ill. Greg: We'll get her things and we'll go to the hospital. Dharma: Why she's not sick ?! Greg: Dharma, people have babies in hospitals Dharma: Yeah, I know isn't it horrible ? Kitty: You're not going to take this girl to a hospital ? Aby: Why, she's not sick ! Greg: Mother, maybe you could give her a hand ? Kitty: Oh I don't know anything about childbirth ! Greg: What do you mean, you had me ? Kitty: Oh Gregory don't be vulgar ! It Takes a Village [2.2] Greg: Who are all this people ? Abby: Oh they're gonna help us with the baby. Greg: Why ? Dharma: Because it takes a village to raise a child Greg. Greg: It does ? Kitty: And, I realised that my true destiny was to be the matriarch of a large powerfull family. Like the Kennedys. But not catholic. Dharma: So why didn't you had a lot of kids ? Kitty: I couldn't have any more after Gregory Dharma: Oh really I'm sorry... Why ? Kitty: It hurt too bad. Turn Turn Turn [2.3] Kitty: Edward tell him. Edward: What happened to "shut up and drive"? Kitty: Oh please ! You mean your gonna get my grandson drunk and perform a surgery on him in the living room ? Abby: You know, look frankly, Kitty I don't believe in circumcision either, but when it comes to penises Larry is very Jewish. Dharma: Picture how incredible would have been high school if your mother had sat you down and taught you how to please a woman ? Greg: Thanks for that picture honey I may never have sex again... The Paper Hat Anniversary [2.4] Unarmed and Dangerous [2.5] A Closet Full of Hell [2.6] Valet Girl [2.7] Like, Dharma's Totally Got a Date [2.8] Brought to You in DharmaVision [2.9] Yes, We Have No Bananas (or Anything Else for That Matter) [2.10] The House That Dharma Built [2.11] Are You Ready for Some Football? [2.12] Death and Violins [2.13] Dharma and Greg on a Hot Tin Roof [2.14] Dharma and the Horse She Rode In On [2.15] See Dharma Run [2.16] Greg: Are you sure you're ok ? Pete: Yeah, I'm fine... Greg: What's going on with you and that girl, what's her name, Eileene ? Pete: There is no Eileen... I made her up Greg: But... You said you met her parents, and that they hated you ? Pete: They would have... Jane: What's new? Pete: My life is empty and has no meaning. Jane: I asked you what's new. Larry: Don't touch their money Dharma, it's a deal with the devil. Kitty: Are you calling us the devil ? Larry: You only want her elected so she'll wage war to support your military-industrial complex ! Greg: San Francisco Board of Supervisors does not wage war... Larry: Of course not, they send the young boys ! Where have all the flowers gone, answer me that ! Ed: You smoked them, Finklestein. Run, Dharma, Run [2.17] See Dharma Run Amok [2.18] Everybody Must Get Stones [2.19] Dharma Drags Edward Out of Retirement [2.20] It Never Happened One Night [2.21] Bed, Bath and Beyond [2.22] A Girl Can Dream, Can't She? [2.23] The Dating Game [2.24] Season 3 (1999-2000) Season 4 (2000-2001) Season 5 (2001-2002) The Mamas and the Papas [5.23/24] [Last lines in the series] Cast Jenna Elfman - Dharma Freedom Montgomery, née Finkelstein Thomas Gibson - Gregory "Greg" Clifford Montgomery Susan Sullivan - Katherine "Kitty" Montgomery Mitchell Ryan - Edward Montgomery Mimi Kennedy - Abigail Kathleen "Abby" O'Neil Alan Rachins - Myron Lawrence "Larry" Finkelstein Shae D'Lyn - Jane Deaux Joel Murray - Peter James "Pete" Cavanaugh External links 0118303 Dharma & Greg Category:1990s American multi-camera sitcoms Category:2000s American multi-camera sitcoms Category:ABC sitcoms Category:Cancelled shows Category:TV shows about families Category:Chuck Lorre Category:Chuck Lorre Productions Category:TV shows set in San Francisco