The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy/Season 4

The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 | Evil Con Carne | Grim & Evil | Underfist: Halloween Bash The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy (2003–2007), also known as simply Billy & Mandy, is an American animated television series created by Maxwell Atoms that aired on Cartoon Network. The two main characters, Billy and Mandy, have obliged the Grim Reaper to be their best friend forever after having won a bet over a sick hamster. Jeffy's Web / Irwin Gets A Clue [4.01] Billy: I missed you, but my aim is improving. Jeff: Come on, dad. What do we sit around talk about this like normal people? Billy: [inside a tumbling giant teacup] NEVER! Billy: Hey, pal. Don't be sad. You're a nerd! So what? Nerds play an important role in the world. Irwin: Like what? Billy: Well, nerds are like the moist towelettes in the universe. They make other people feel better about themselves. Irwin: Thanks, Billy. I guess. Billy: Glad I could help. Duck! / Aren't You Chupacabra To See Me? [4.02] [Duck keeps blowing raspberries, Librarian appears] Librarian: Young lady, is this any way to behave? Mandy: No, I suppose not. Walking up and yelling at someone while they're trying to work does seem quite rude. Librarian: Young lady, I do not tolerate such behavior! Mandy: Well, that's really your problem, not my problem, is it? Librarian: I will not stand for this! Mandy: There's an empty chair right there. [The librarian is infuriated.] Mandy: [to Librarian] Look, lady, can you have your meltdown somewhere else? I've got a history report due tomorrow on the history of corn... and you're kind of distracting me. [Grim is asleep] Grim: Hi, honey, I'm home! Man, even the flies were dropping like flies. [sniffs] What that smell. [Grim walks up to his lion-esque Wife] Grim: Hello dear, whats cooking? Wife: AAGH! Grim: My favorite. Oh, what did I ever do to deserve a wife as good as you? Wife: AAGH! [Much later, Grim and his "wife" are lying by the fire] Grim: I just love these quiet evenings, don't you? Wife: AAGH! Grim: Wait, this is not my beautiful home! This is not my beautiful wife! [Screams] Billy: Same as it ever was. [Repeated multiple times] Grim: [screams] [Reference to "Once in a Lifetime"] [Billy, Mandy and Grim are watching tv] Guy on TV: Labbie, Timmy has fallen into a well again! Go save him, Labbie! Mandy: Do we have anything else to watch? Billy: But if we turn it off now, we won't know what happens to Labbie! Mandy "Oh, Labbie. You're our hero. Here, take this golden dog bone as a token of our gratitude." Grim: Woof, woof. Guy on TV: Oh, Labbie! You're our hero! Here, take this golden dog bone as a token of our gratitude. Labbie: Woof, woof! Billy: Hey, are you guys puh-psychic? Grim: No, you pea-brain. We've watched this movie 60 times in a row. Billy: It's over! Grim: Woo-hoo! Yes, now what shall we do? Billy: LET'S WATCH IT AGAIN! [Few hours later] Guy on TV: Run, Labbie! Run like a wind! Billy: I can't believe that Timmy fell into the well again. I mean, wouldn't he get sick of falling into it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over-and over and over and over, ooh, it's over; let's watch it again! Mandy & Grim: NO! [Grim takes out the tape] Grim: No more Labbie! [Mandy and Grim walk into Billy's living room, the whole place practically destroyed] Grim: Billy, what happened here? Billy: I don't know, Grim... I fell asleep, and I had this crazy dream that I was NAKED at school and the Tchupakabra attacked me! Grim: Billy! Oh, my goodness! What's that?! Billy: What's what? Grim: Over there! Billy: I don't see... Grim: On your back! Billy: On my hat? Grim: Curse you boy! On your back! [a chupacabra has latched onto Billy's head] Grim: I think it's trying to suck his brains out, man! Mandy: Poor thing's gonna starve. Grim: [glances at Rudolpho] So, what are you... in for? Rudolpho: I beat the snot out of a guy... for FARTING!! [Grim looks down and spots the duck ready to blow a raspberry] Grim: [desperately] Guard! Rudolpho: Just the sound of it makes me so ANGRY!! Grim: [more desperately] Guard! Rudolpho: ANGRY!! Grim: [as desperate as possible] Guard! Guard: [finally arrives] All right, Reaper, your bail is here. Irwin: I came here as soon as I got the call, yo! Grim: [relieved sigh] I knew I could count on you, Irwin. Irwin: [hands a piggy bank to the guard] Here you are, Officer! Guard: Gee, thanks. [throws the piggy bank across the room, breaking it] Guard: How much was in that piggy bank? Irwin: Four dollars and thirty-two cents. Guard: So, you like to be a jokester, do ya, Mr. Funny Guy? Mr. Comedian, eh? Irwin: I don't understand. Guard: Well, the bail is thirty-five hundred dollars! Irwin: [sobbing] I was only trying to be helpful! Guard: Now get out of my jail, Irwin. OUT! Irwin: [stops sobbing] I'm sorry, Grim! "[walks out]" Guard: Yeah, yeah, I'm not Grim! You'd better run, Irwin! [calmly] Guard: I'd like to think I'd make a difference. Irwin: That was wiggety-whack, yo. [finds the duck] Irwin: Hey, a duck! Grim: At the rate this duck is getting people in the trouble, I predict this cell will be full in about...four hours. Caption: Two hours later... [fart sound] Grim: Man, he's working fast! Hector Con Carne: I'm not even on this stupid show anymore! Billy: Oh, I get it! We're playing a game where we make stuff up, right? Okay... I see a big green elephant! He plays the drums and listens to FREEDOM ROCK! Zip Your Fly / Puddle Jumping [4.03] [Mandy's head has been swapped with fly's head] Pud'n: Mandy looks kinda funny. Mandy: I'm not a fly, Billy's Dad. It's me, Mandy. I need you to get Grim. Harold: I get it! You're one of those talking flies that try to look like people! [Mandy sees a poster with Billy] Mandy: Look, it's Billy, and he's racing with wieners. Grim: You mean Irwin and Pud'n? Mandy: No, wiener DOGS. Runaway Pants / Scythe 2.0. [4.04] {Grim is in the Garage trying to sharpen his scythe} Billy: Of course your wasting your time sharpening that piece of crud! Grim: [angry] Why you little... [Scythe shatters and the lights go out] Billy: [in the dark] Where'd all the pieces go? [A light is turned on and it shines thru the holes in Billy's face] Wow! Look at the lights! Mandy: [Holding a flashlight] Power tools in the dark? Darwin should be paying you goons a royalty. [a possible reference to the Darwin Awards] Scythe 2.0: I was never meant to be used as a hedge trimmer, a drain cleaner or a depilatory aid! I was meant to carve a swath of despair and destruction through the world of men, to blacken the skies and redden the seas, leaving nothing behind but entropy and uncomfortable silence... Grim: Yeah, yeah, be quiet. One of these guys is gonna win a million bucks for milking a goat with his mouth! The Firebird Sweet / The Bubble With Billy [4.05] Mandy: Wait a second. What kind of breakfast cereal comes with a phoenix inside? Grim: Well, it says here it's made in Arizona. Grim: You'll have to use your feminine wiles to get him to talk. Mandy: [groans] I hate Billy. Eris: [furious] Thud! THUD WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? Thud: [nervous] Having some cereal. Eris: And what have I said about having some cereal in the boardroom!? Thud: Uhhh? Eris: [spraying Thud with spray bottle] Bad Thud! [Thud backs away in terror while Grim and Mandy look on, weirded out] Thud: No, no! [Thud, in a panic, drops the cereal bowl and Mandy picks up a piece while Eris threatens him with the spray bottle] Thud: [begging] No, please, no! Mandy: Hey, Eris! Eris: [whips head around] What!? Mandy: You got a piece of food stuck between your teeth. Eris: [looks down at her teeth] No, I don't... [Mandy flings an AppleScrap into the gap in Eris's front top row of teeth.] Mandy: You do now. Eris [startled] What in the... [the firebird comes of Billy's head and latches onto Eris'] Mandy: [trying to be nice] Billy, we've known each other now for what seems like a nightmarish eternity. And though I insult you and lie to you daily, steal your stuff, make fun of you, your family, and anyone who looks like you, I still don't feel like I [frustrated grunt] know you. Why don't you tell me more about yourself? Billy: If I told you, you wouldn't understand. I'm a very complex and multi-layered person. [He blows tiny gum bubbles] Billy: [speaking rapidly] But if you really want to know more about me, it's all here in my new autobiography! Hot off the presses! Complete and UNABRIDGED'! Billy Idiot / Home Of The Ancients [4.06] Billy: We're here to see Mrs. Fingerwiggle. Mandy: Pollywinkle. Billy: Hairyankle! Mandy: Pollywinkle! Billy: Terrytingle? Mandy: Pollywinkle. Billy: Molly Ringwald! Mandy: Pollywinkle! Oh, forget it! Harold: I'm no quitter... and I'm NOT girly... I'm a ballet dancer! Harold: No one steals Billy's soul. That wasn't in the school curriculum. Mrs. Pollywinkle: Oh, yes it was. It was on the first page of the brochure in bright red letters. Harold: Yeah, but you didn't count on one thing: I can't read! Grim: What's going on up there? The whole place is falling apart. Mandy: Yet another school that Billy's ruined. [Why Grim talks to a bush] Pud'n: Maybe he's apologizing for peeing on it for such a long time. [After Grim's plan disasterously fails at the end.] Mandy: The road to stupid is paved with good intentions. Grim: Uh, excuse me, sir? Do you have time for an informal survey? What do you think is more frightening, these three scary monsters... [Bride of Frankenstein, Dracula and Wolf Man make scary noises] ...or this glass of water? Man: Water! Eh, eh, WATER! Grim: Look, man, I'll give you five bucks. Five bucks! If you say those monsters are scarier than the water. Dracula: Dracula thirsty. Gonna drink this water. Grim: [to Dracula] Dracula, please don't! Dracula: You can't tell Dracula what to do! Dracula a grown man. Do what he wants! Man: Can I please go now? Dracula: Wolfman swallowed a squirrel whole. Dracula told him to chew, but no one listens to Dracula! Season 4 My Fair Mandy [4.07] Posters on the school wall: Scurvy Prevention Week; Let's all agree with vitamin C! Mandy: Mindy, beauty pageants are ridiculous contests for ridiculous girls. Mindy: Oh, Mandy, Mandy, Mandy. Mandy, Mandy, Mandy, Mandy, Mandy, Mandy, Mandy, Mandy. Mandy, Mandy, Mandy, Mandy, Mandy, Mandy. Man-deeeee. You ugly people are so predictable. But since you were born hideous and beast-like, it's not my place to judge. Mindy: Putting makeup on you is like putting diamonds on a doo-doo. Give it up, Mandy. I was Little Miss Rickets last year, Little Miss Toe Jam the year before and, GIRRRRL, I'm gonna be Little Miss Scurvy this year. Principal Goodvibes: Look, Mandy! I've got a lemon for a head! I guess that makes me... CRAZY? Mandy: Hello, Principal Goodvibes. Principal Goodvibes: Mandy, I overheard the hurtful things that Mindy said to you. And I think she's got a point. You have to look deep inside, and realize that the only person who can decide if you're truly pretty... is a panel of three judges! Here's a pageant entry form. Mindy: You REALLY are going to enter the Little Miss Scurvy pageant, aren't you, Mandy? Mandy: Yes, Mindy. Scared of the competition? Mindy: I'm scared that the judges will mistake you for a big doo-doo monster and chase you out of town with torches. Grim: Oh, yeah? We'll see who chases whom with torches. Billy: Yeah! Mandy'll take your pants off! Grim: Beat your pants off... Billy: BEAT your pants off. Mindy: Oh, I'm SO sure she'll win. And in case you didn't know -- that was sarcasm. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go get a rib removed. Crabina: [about Mandy] What does this girl's attitude say to you? Billy: It says bad things. Things I'm not supposed to repeat. Make the bad things go away! [cries] I'll be good Mommy! I promise. Crabina: Exactly. She is what we refer her as "sour grapes". Crabina: Gentlemen, prepare for shock and awe. The plain, drab Mandy you knew before is dead. Billy: GRIM, SHE MURDERED MANDY! [Grim slaps Billy upside the head, causing his nose to fall off] Grim: It's a figure of speech, dummy! Grim: Look at these little girls all tarted up. What kind of sad, needy person would force them to do that? Mom #1: Don't forget this is Mommy's big day. Mom #2: The bigger you smile, the more beautiful Mommy looks! Mom #3: Baby, it's time to earn Mommy's love! Principal Goodvibes: And say hello to our impartial judges: General Skarr... Cap'n Greengums... and Mindy's mom! Mindy's Mom: Hi, honey! Mindy: Hi, Mommy! Grim: Impartial my big, boney... Principal Goodvibes: BUT, before we begin, let's stop and think about why we are here... Audience Member: My wife made me come! Principal Goodvibes: [Scowls, then resumes] Scurvy is a terrible, terrible disease... Isn't that right, Cap'n Greengums? Captain Greengums: Arr, I used to have a set of perfect gums, over which the tavern wenches swooned! But then, I got the scurvy! They had to replace me gums with... with... KOSHER PICKLES! [Starts to cry, and hugs Skarr] And I hate pickles! Principal Goodvibes: Statistics show the number one cause of scurvy is IGNORANCE! Please do not boil your fruit juices. I cannot stress this enough, people! [farts] Now with that out of the way -- let the pageant begin! Principal Goodvibes: First round, Evening Gowns! Julie. Laura. Eva. Xina. Anna. Ray. Sue. Mindy. Mandy. Irwin: Oh, yeah! Principal Goodvibes: Gom Jabbar! Mindy: It BURRRRRNS! [pulls out hand] Captain Greengums: Arrrr, that'll cost 'er some points. Sir Raven: Will Mandy win the pageant? Will she ever smile? I don't care. Instead, here's an important commercial message. IMPORTANT... COMMERCIAL... MESSAGE! [Grim, Billy and Mandy have been transported to The Powerpuff Girls universe, dressed as the titular characters. Suddenly the hotline rings] Professor Utonium: Girls! Girls, wake up! Mojo Jojo just snuck into the movie theater without paying! Grim: Yeah, yeah. We're on it, professor. Grim: Okay. We keep flying, we don't look back, we NEVER talk about this again! Billy: Yep. Mandy: Uh-huh. Grim: Never get this feeling something really bad is about to.. Sir Raven: YOU FOOLS! YOU'VE MESSED WITH THE NATURAL ORDEEEEER! One Crazy Summoner / Guess What's Coming to Dinner [4.08] Gladys: Oh, for Pete's sake, Harold, what the heck is a giant anaconda doing in my kitchen?! Harold: Pretty much whatever it wants, I'm thinking. Nigel Planter: So, will you help me? Billy: Nope. Grim: Not really. Mandy: Who cares? : Dorko Malfly [waves the wand and to Nigel Planter] I hope your show turning into a cartoon! [Dorko laughs evilly] Hoss Delgado: So there I was, facing 12 feet poop elves. Didn't have anywhere to run- Principal Goodvibes: Umm, excuse me, but how could they be elves if they were 12 feet tall? Hoss Degaldo: It was a leap year. Goodvibes: But, that still doesn't explain- Hoss Degaldo: You sharpshooting me, Goodpudding? Goodvibes: Uh, I was just- Hoss Delgado: Are you stepping in my cornflakes?! Goodvibes: No, I was just- Hoss Degaldo: Lemme tell you something about stepping into people's cornflakes... it's a weird way to eat cornflakes. Hoss Delgado: [interrupts Goodvibes] Come on, Goodvibes, out with it! Is our little Remus on the bullet train to Smartsville, or is he riding the slow pony to the rubber forest? Goodvibes: Well, I think... Hoss Delgado: [pulls out a giant green spork] Think hard. Eris: Do you like lobster, Mr. Goodpoop? Principal Goodvibes: It's good VIBES, and yes, I love lobster. Eris: How about giant alien zombie lobster? Principal Goodvibes: Well, I can't really say... [giant lobster picks up Principal Goodvibes] Mandy: Rollington Academy is for... Billy: Geniuses! Which I is one of am! Billy: Ask me a question. Give me a challenge. Anything at all. Grim: Who developed the theory of relativity? Billy: That is a trick question, Grim. Everyone knows fruit bats are mammals. Grim: [after Billy is hit by a flying croquet ball] What? It wasn't me. If I wanted to get rid of you two, I'd use something bigger. Like a truck. [a truck falls out of the sky and crushes him] Eris: [indicates Hoss] This is Billy's dad. [indicates herself] I'm Billy's mom, [pulls out a trout] and this is a trout. [she proceeds to smack Goodvibes around the head with it Principal Goodvibes: ...Why'd you just hit me with a trout? Eris: Because the mackerel wasn't fresh. Mommy Fiercest / The Taking Tree [4.09] [Billy's mom has been transformed into a little girl] Billy: Bread-fairy elf-gnome, indeed! You're nothin' but a filthy stranger, and my mom tells me not to accept bread from filthy strangers! Gladys: But Billy, I am your [Gladys' tic kicks in] Mommy! Billy: My mom's ancient and grappling with the onsets of menopause. Gladys: GO TO YOUR ROOM! Billy: Heheheh, you're fun! A little odd, but fun! I'll name you... Corn! [At the movie theater, Billy decides what movie he wants to see] Billy: Weeeellll... Y-I don't make any life-altering decisions without consulting my friend Mr. Bread first. [Irwin runs out of the Exploding Penguins theater] Irwin: I've sure gotta go to the bathroom, yo! Billy: Sorry, guys, but when Bread's gots to go, he gots to go! Gladys: [Repeated throughout the episode] He's MY baby! Grim: Don't make me use my Kung Fu... Mandy: You were on a children's Kung Fu class? Grim: Silence, non-believer! Billy: This pillow stuffing tastes like I'm choking! [Gagging noise] Gladys: Oh, Mandy! You're such a legpuller! [Billy's dad notices Grim's scythe.] Harold: Say, Grim left his magic stick thingy! [He grabs the scythe] Harold: [talking like a commercial announcer] Hello, friends! Tired of living? Those Sunday brunches gotcha down? Well, I can relieve all that ails 'ya with this "magic stick thingy"! Side effects may include missing limbs, hair loss, and not living anymore! [Harold gets zapped with the scythe and turns into a child.] Billy: But I'm looking for Captain Fathead! Mandy: Your dad's in the garage. Mandy: [after seeing Billy's butt through the hole in the back of his pants] I've just lost my ability to see! I can still feel your butt looking at me. Reap Walking / The Loser from the Earth's Core [4.10] Billy: Hey Grim, do you want one chocolate pickle or two? Billy: It's empty, just like my soul. Mandy: I would ask if you're okay... but I don't care. Grim: I sense a disturbance in the force. Gladys: I would've gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling kids! [The camera shows the Scooby-Doo cast] Mandy: No, over here. [Camera pans down to Billy and Mandy] Nergal: And so you see, Billy, I'm a sad, sad failure. I can't ever show my face in that household again. Billy: [cheerfully] Well, maybe you can show some other parts of your body. Nergal Jr.: Drop dead! I have no father. Nergal Jr.: Are you all better in the head now? Grim: Lady! I'm the Grim Reaper not the Happy Morning Sunshine Reaper! Ecto Cooler / The Schlubs [4.11] Lord Byron: We will write a witty poem about Sperg's mother. Your words will be as 10,000 arrows in his buttocks! Lord Byron: [after stopping Billy from attacking Sperg] No, Billy. A gentleman is a GENTLE man. We are pacifists by nature. The pen is mightier than the sword. Billy: What about an AXE? Lord Byron: Huh? Billy: Crossbow? Lord Byron: No. Billy: A phase plasma rifle with a forty watt range? Lord Byron: Let's just get you a pen. Lord Byron: You must not fear, Billy. Fear is the death that brings total obliteration! Lord Byron: Trained well and strong with coolness you are... But not that strong. [disappears] Mandy: [to Atilla the Hun and Rasputin] You and you, get teaching. [to Abraham Lincoln] Honest Abe, you get the chips. Ghost of Abraham Lincoln: Why is it always my job to get the chips? Billy: But I thought you were AGAINS fighting. Like Switzerland. Lord Byron: Switzerland is a cursed, selfish, SWINISH country of BRUTES, located in the most romantic region in the world... Prank Call of Cthulhu [4.12] Billy: You STILL knew it was me?! I even dressed up as a stupid cowboy so nobody would recognize me! I HATE CALLER ID SO MUCH! IT'S RUINING MY LIFE, GRIM! MY LIFE! MY LIIIIIIIIIIIIFE! Grim: [After Mandy asks why he's crying] Billy, and... and his... UGLY friend... They made a call during the week, and I've only got a limited amount of weekday minutes! That is so EVIL, man! And I know evil - I'm the Grim Reaper! Mandy: Get ahold of yourself. They were probably playing around with your phone making a bunch of phony phone calls. Where are they, anyway? Grim: Oh, I don't know. They probably got sucked through the phone into another dimension beyond time and space, yadda-dabba-doo, and we're all doomed if they awaken the Great Cthulhu, 'cause he'll probably come up and destroy the universe. Let's go watch television. [Billy is transforming into a Lovecraftian monster] Mandy: Your nose looks like a cuttlefish. Billy: Chicks dig cuttlefish! Mandy: And your mouth looks like a big, disgusting sucker. Billy: Chicks dig-- Grim: Don't go there. Mutated Endsville citizens: [singing] It looks like it's Endsville for Endsville! The Endsville we all loved was just a fluke! We have tentacles, sharp teeth and great big gills, But the sushi in this town all tastes like puke! It looks like it's Endsville for Endsville! The Endsville folk have really lost the fight! We have sunk into some weird amoebic ooze, So flush it down and don't forget to wipe! Christmas special Billy & Mandy Save Christmas Grim: I never liked the livin' undead... walkin' around all dead but alive... Makes a mockery of my job. Grim: Oh ,come on, Mandy. I always wanted to save Christmas with a vampire sidekick. Ever since I was a little boy... [Flashes back to Grim as a child in kindergarden.] Grim: [out loud to no one in particular] Someday I'll save Christmas with a vampire! [cheesy smile] [A snowball hits him in the face.] Baron Van Ghoulish: Besides, you don't want the Head Vampire, you want the HEAD Head Vampire. Mandy: The HEAD Head Vampire? Baron: Yes, they did this whole reorganization thing a couple of hundred years ago. It doesn't make much sense to me... Eh, what was I talking about? Oh yes, yes, the "Head" Head Vampire. I think he was at my Labor Day SOIREE. I'd definitely know him if i saw him. Mandy: If he spilled something on your rug, I'm sure you'd recognize him. [Van Ghoulish hisses at her.] Grim: How come every time I take you kids to a mall it burns to the ground? Billy: I blame the economy. Mandy: [to vampire Santa] You're lucky Death was here to save you this time, fat man! Grim: [after knocking on Santa's door and nobody answering] Strange, the door is locked and nobody is answering. Mandy: If you saw the Grim Reaper at your door, would you answer? Grim: Good point. But there should at least be some frightened screamin'. [reaches into pocket] Hang on, I got something for this. Mandy: What? Grim: [pulls out a key] A skeleton key! [A snowball hits him in the face.] Von Ghoulish & Grim: Hurrah! Von Ghoulish: Now we're off. Grim: Yes, we're off. Von Ghoulish: We're off to save Christmas. Grim: Off to save Christmas. Von Ghoulish: And we're cold. Grim: Super cold! Baron Von Ghoulish: Yes, we forgot our jackets Both: Yes, we did not bring our jackets, so we'll freeze and we will... Mandy: Can it, you two. Alright, Baron if you know the way let's hear it, because we're... LOST, [singing continues] Both: And we're lost!Oh so lost, and we can't feel our fingers.No we can't feel our... Mandy: I said, knock it off. [Sees Baron Von Ghoulish & Grim in a block of ice] Great, I get to spend Christmas Eve with a couple of dorksicles.