Family Ties

thumb Family Ties (1982–1989) was an American television sitcom which aired on NBC. At the height of its popularity, the program was #2 in the yearly Nielsen ratings for two straight seasons (1985–86 and 1986–87). Season 1 Pilot [1.01] Steven: [about Alex] I haven't seen him this excited since Reagan got elected. Steven: [to Elyse] Do you think maybe he was switched at birth and the Rockefellers have our kid? Elyse: Alex, maybe you're getting a little carried away here. I mean, if Kimberly doesn't like you or your family for who they are, then maybe she isn't worth caring about at all, don't you think? Alex: Are you going to wear your hair like that, or are you going to put it up? Mallory: [witnessing her parents kissing in the kitchen] You guys have been married for a long time. Haven't you had enough? Alex: How do I look? Steven: Middle-aged. Alex: Dad, recent studies show, that you can predict success by the way a person dresses. Steven: Alex, you're a young man. You shouldn't be worried about success. You should be thinking about hopping on a steam trainer, and going around the world, or putting a pack on your back and heading down to Mexico, South America, or anywhere. Alex: The 1960's are over Dad. Steven: Thanks for the tip. Not With My Sister You Don't [1.02] I Know Jennifer's Boyfriend [1.03] Summer of '82 [1.04] I Never Killed for My Father [1.05] Give Uncle Arthur a Kiss [1.06] Big Brother is Watching [1.07] No Nukes Is Good Nukes [1.08] Death of a Grocer [1.09] Jennifer: What's impetuous? Steven: Well, uh. That's when you do something without thinking it through. Jennifer: Like when you guys decided to have Alex? Alex: Skippy, remember when we were little kids, and I accidentally ran over you with my bicycle? Skippy: Yeah. Alex: I drive a car now. Have Gun, Will Unravel [1.10] A Christmas Story [1.11] Oops [1.12] Sherry Baby [1.13] Mallory: What do you say, Alex? She really thinks you're cute. Alex: Look, Mallory. I don't go out with girls who have an IQ lower than room temperature, or have contagious diseases, or friends of yours. And there's certainly some overlap in those categories. Alex: [turning on the radio] Oh I hope you don't mind, it's time for the commerce and shipping news. Mallory: Alex we do mind we're doing a project for school here. Alex: All right, all right I'll listen to it upstairs, it's a lot more exciting in stereo anyway. Elyse: What happened? Alex: Oh he was going out for a pass and he ran into the pole. Jennifer: I told you to run down and in Skippy, you were supposed to go to the pole and stop! Skippy: I did, I stopped when I hit the pole. Elyse: Who is Sherry Marshall? Mallory: She happens to be a Pi Nu the best sorority in the whole world, she's the president. Steven: Is she coming alone or with some secret service agents? The Fugitive: Part 1 [1.14] Elyse: Mr. Carlyle, Do you really believe that my brother stole that money? I mean, he's not the type. Carlyle: I'll mention that to the guys in New York. But to be honest with you: I think they're going to want to push ahead with the case anyway. Carlyle: [on what would happen if it turned out that the Keatons were lying to him about where Ned is] Well, hypothetically speaking, you would be hypothetically arrested for harboring a known criminal, and hypothetically sent to a very real jail. The Fugitive: Part 2 [1.15] Margin of Error [1.16] Alex: It's like taking candy from a baby. Jennifer: Brings back memories. Steven: No movies, no dates.... Alex: Sounds fair. Steven: ... and no TV. Alex: Not even Wall Street Week? Steven: Especially not Wall Street Week. Alex: Come on Dad. I didn't kill a guy! Steven: Alex I am out $2,700. I am the major investor in an underwater video company in the Philippines. They probably have a picture of me in one of their huts with the caption, Our Founder. You are lucky to be getting off this easy. Alex: Oh listen, just in case, I mean if this stock does go up, we are in this 50/50 right? Mrs. Matthews: This is not very good news is it? Mr. Matthews: No it is not. Mrs. Matthews: We invested everything we had with you. Our, our life savings. Mr. Matthews: We knew there would be risks going in. We discussed that. Mrs. Matthews: But we are retired people there is no way that we can re-earn what we have lost. We will lose our house, our car.... Is there anything you can do? Mr. Matthews: Sorry. Say Hi to Dad. Mallory: So Alex what are you going to do? Sell your soul to the devil or your body to someone who is nearsighted? Alex: Jennifer… Jennifer: Sometimes when you keep a secret all to yourself you get a really bad headache. French Lessons [1.17] Alex: Dad, I'm 138 and 0 against you [in chess]. Steven: 138, 0 and 1. You forgot about the draw. Alex: I had my appendix out that day. Steven: The anesthesia had worn off. I Gotta Be Ming [1.18] Alex: I want you. Ming: You don't want me, Alex. You want another you. You want someone who looks like you, acts like you, thinks like you. Alex: Is that how I acted? Ming: Look, I can't be Alex; I gotta be Ming. Suzanne Takes You Down [1.19] The Fifth Wheel [1.20] Stage Fright (a.k.a.) Video Jitters [1.21] Steven: Hey, Alex. How's it going? Alex: Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player That struts and frets his hour upon the stage And then is heard no more: it is a tale Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing. Steven: He seems a bit depressed. Elyse D'Arc [1.22] Season 2 Tender Is the Knight [2.01] Alex: What is wrong with Sherry? You put a brain in that head, you've got a real special girl. The Homecoming [2.02] The Harder They Fall [2.03] This Year's Model [2.04] Not an Affair to Remember [2.05] Steven: You know what I was doing while I drove home from the station? Elyse: Watching the road, I hope. Steven: Counting... Counting all the times you and I have stayed up all night nursing one of the kid's fevers. Guess how many. Elyse: Couldn't begin to. Steven: Well, go ahead, try. Elyse: 17. Steven: That's right. How'd you know? Elyse: I don't know. I guess after all our years together, I-I can read your mind. Steven: Guess you can. What am I thinking now? Elyse: You're thinking there's no place like home? Steven: You're very good at this, you know? You should set up a booth on the boardwalk. Elyse: And you're thinking about our life together and... and everything we've been through. And how hard it would be to turn your back on that, however tempting it might be. Steven: Has it been that obvious? Elyse: The words "open book" mean anything to you? Steven: Sorry, Elyse, I've been acting like a real child. Elyse: No. No, you haven't. You... you've been acting like a grown man facing midlife. I-I'll probably act the same way when I get to be your age. Speed Trap [2.06] Alex: Great news. Great news! I got my term paper on Hoover back from Mr. Wilkinson. A-plus. Elyse: Nice work, Alex. Alex: Look at this. Look what he wrote on the front. "An incredibly well-argued thesis. "I voted for Roosevelt four times. Thank you for showing me the error of my ways." Alex: I need your help. Mallory: Do you want me to write one of your term papers for you? Alex: This is no time for your jokes Mallory. Alex: I never oversleep, never! Never! I have one of those internal clock radios. I had that scholarship in the bag. I blew it! Steven: Speed is like that, Alex, it'll keep you up for a while but um, when you crash, you crash hard. Alex: No, I can handle it. Elyse: Well, look at how you're handling it, you're on your knees rummaging through the garbage looking for someone else's diet pills! Sweet Lorraine [2.07] Batter Up [2.08] A Keaton Christmas Carol [2.09] Elyse: [to a young Mallory] It's a pretend phone, Mallory, you can talk on it all day long. Alex: Oh, so that's how it began. To Snatch a Keith [2.10] Richard: [to Steven and Elyse] You know what it was? You two. You two made marriage look phenomenal; kissing and hugging all the time. Smiling... happy. Shame on you. Birthday Boy [2.11] Alex: Mom, I made a pact with myself never to speak to you again. But I've given myself permission to suspend it. Briefly. Because frankly, mom, the curiosity is killing me. How on earth can you possibly justify doing what you did to me tonight? Go ahead. I'm listening. [Elyse starts to say something but...] Alex: Oh, I know! I know. You're mad because I disobeyed you. Well, let me tell you something, mom I only disobeyed you because you were wrong. Without just cause or provocation, you denied me permission to do something I have every right in the world to do. [Elyse, getting mad, just looks down in amazement] Alex: Oh, sure. Sure, this is your house. And as long as it's your house, I got to live by your rules. Well, that used to be true. Not anymore, mom. I'm an adult now. I got 18 years under this belt. And my life is in my own hands. [Elyse nods silently] Alex: Have you anything else to say? I thought not. All right, mom. Okay. I think I've refuted all your arguments. Until you are ready to apologize to me, I am done speaking with you. Elyse: Oh! I didn't realize you'd started speaking with me. Alex: What is that supposed to mean? Elyse: For the past two days, Alex, you have complained to me, grunted at me, lectured to me, and presented me with ultimatums, but not once... not, not once have you even come close to talking with me. Alex: Semantics. Okay, mom. All right. Okay, okay. I haven't been very "chatty" lately. I haven't been a million laughs. That is not the issue here. The issue here is my right to live my own life without having you try and control it! Elyse: You have every right to live your life. I'm not trying to deny you that! Alex: Oh, no? Oh, no? Okay, then why did you drive a hundred miles and humiliate me in front of half the state of West Virginia? You had a few hours to kill? Elyse: No, Alex. I did it because you defied me. And even more important than that, I did it because I was hurt and angry and fed up! Alex: About what? Elyse: I've tried starting conversations with you, only to be politely dismissed. I've asked for you to help around the house and been ignored. You canceled our dinner plans that I had made without a moment's thought to my concern in the matter. I do not enjoy being made to feel like an intrusion and an annoyance in my own son's life! Alex: Okay. Look, mom. I'm... I'm sorry that I wasn't more sensitive. Okay, I guess I should have been. But I'm not used to thinking that way when it pertains to you. I mean, I-i-i think of you as my mother, not... not as a person. You know what I mean. Elyse: Surprise, Alex. I am a real person. Flesh and blood, real feelings! And maybe in... in one sense, I was wrong not to let you go out with your friends. But if you want me to respect your rights as an adult, then you better start respecting mine! Alex: Okay, I didn't respect your rights, and you didn't respect mine. So, uh how do we figure out who's right and who's wrong here? Elyse: There is no absolute right or wrong. It's my job as a parent to set boundaries, and it's your job to negotiate to change them. When you were 7 years old, we got in an argument because you wanted to walk to school by yourself. Alex: I remember. I remember, and, uh I was right. And you let me go. Elyse: Yes. But I followed you. And I hid behind trees and mailboxes to make sure you looked both ways and you crossed on the green. Alex: Did I? Elyse: Yes. In fact, when another kid tried to cross in the middle of the block, you made a citizen's arrest. Alex: Yeah, that was little Timmy Dugan. I let him off with a warning. Elyse: It's unbelievable to me, Alex, that 18 years ago tonight, I had a baby boy. Alex: Me, right? Elyse: Ever since that night, you've been trying so hard to grow up, and I've been trying so hard not to let it happen. Alex: Well, considering, uh we have been at cross purposes, uh I think we're doing all right. Mom, um I'm sorry that I've been treating you so rotten lately. [Alex extends his hand to Elyse] Elyse: [Taking Alex's hand] Accepted. Sorry I ruined your dinner. Alex: Ah, don't worry about it. I had to go to bed early anyway. I'm attacking Canada in the morning. Elyse: Good luck. Alex: Thank you. Elyse: And happy birthday. Alex: Thank you. Elyse: [Hugging Alex] Oh, I love you honey! Alex: Aw Mom, don't start that stuff! [a pause] I love you too, Mom. Elyse: Ah, it's getting pretty late. You coming up? Alex: Yeah. In a second. Uh, there's something I got to do first. [He goes over to the trash can and picks up a big bag of trash and goes towards the door] Alex: I just want to take this garbage out. Elyse. [He goes out] Go Tigers [2.12] Mallory: I think you're changing Alex. Alex: You may be right Mallory. I really learned a lot about myself today. Mallory: What? Alex: Well, I always thought that I knew myself. what I wanted. How I wanted to get it, and apparently, I was wrong. [Mallory smiles] Alex: I am just going to have to face the cold hard truth that underneath it all, like it or not, I am just a hell of a nice guy. M Is for the Many Things [2.13] Say Uncle [2.14] Alex: I don't believe this; you just drank a whole bottle of vanilla extract. Ned Donnelly: I'm sorry, did you want some? Steven: [after Ned loses it and drops Alex with a punch] ... All right, Ned, that's it. It's over. [icy] Right now, either you get some help or you get the hell out of my house. Ladies' Man [2.15] Ready or Not [2.16] Double Date [2.17] Alex: I admit my credibility is a bit suspect right now. Alex: One man. One prom. Two dates. Each date ignorant of the other's existence. You know, we're gonna make history, Skip. We have an appointment with destiny. Skippy: Well, cancel it, Alex. I'm scared. Alex: Relax, Skip. Okay, let's go over the plan once more. Now, the north end of the gym is now called... Skippy: Area "A". Alex: Okay. At no point is Rachel to enter area "A" - prior to 8:57. Skippy: Got it. Alex: Okay, now - areas "B" and "D" are free zones which means... Either girl may enter, provided the band is not on a break at the time. Skippy: Very good. Alex: Okay, now remember when I'm with Rachel, I'm gonna be wearing the blue boutonniere. When I'm with Jocelyn - the red one. Skippy: Uh-h, Rachel, Jocelyn, red, blue. - Got it. Alex: - Okay. Now, there are emergency exits at either end of the gymnasium. The master switch box is behind the blue wrestling mat. This will allow you to switch off the lights, lower the backboards, and in case of an emergency, open the floor over the swimming pool. Let's hope it doesn't come to that. Lady Sings the Blues [2.18] Robin: Listening to you really reminded me of the old days, Elyse. Andy: Makes me want to go out and... boycott some lettuce. Alex: Hey, have you, uh... Have you chosen a stage name yet? Elyse: A stage name? Alex: Yeah. Something... with a little more pizzazz, Something other than Keaton. I was thinking Elyse Lamour. Steven: Alex, she's a folk singer, not a stripper. Alex: All right, all right. How about, uh... Ramblin' Elyse Lamour? Elyse: No, thanks, Alex. Baby Boy Doe [2.19] Skippy: How would you feel if you found out you were adopted? Alex: Well... It would answer a lot of inconsistencies in my life. Elizabeth Davidson: Last time we saw each other, you were only a few weeks old. Skippy: So, tell me all about it. All the things we did together. Elizabeth Davidson: There's not much to tell. Basically, you ate, you slept, and you went through a lot of diapers. Skippy: Those were good times, weren't they? Elizabeth Davidson: Irwin, you may find this hard to believe, but I gave you away because I loved you. You were my baby boy. Skippy: [touched] You remembered my name. Elizabeth Davidson: I think it's best you don't come to visit me again. Skippy: Why not? Elizabeth Davidson: Irwin, you have parents. I'm sure you're very important to them. I have my own life too. [shrugs and grins awkwardly] I can't just become a mother like that, it's not that easy. It would be very disruptive for both of us; do you understand what I'm saying? Skippy: Yeah, I understand. You don't want me. [he starts walking to the door] Elizabeth Davidson: [frustrated] Do you have any idea how painful it is seeing you again? It took me fifteen years to get my life together again and you just want to rip it apart again. What do you want from me? Skippy': I want to know how you could do it. How could you? How could you just give me away? Elizabeth Davidson: It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Skippy: But you still did it! Elizabeth Davidson: I wanted you to have a good life. I couldn't give it to you. The Graduate [2.20] Diary of a Young Girl [2.21] Mallory: I didn't know you kept a diary Jennifer, I thought I was the only one who did. Alex: No no, yours is the only one we read. Working at It [2.22] Season 3 Philadelphia Story [3.16] Alex: Great events make great men. Season 4 The Disciple [4.13] Alex: You know that I can only do things one way. Out of control. Season 5 My Mother, My Friend [5.12] [During a game of Scrabble, Alex counterbalances Steven's nonsensical word with one of his own] Alex: After I "zoquo", I like to "ushnuu" A My Name is Alex [5.23-24] Alex: ...Yeah, I believe in God. Psychiatrist: You surprise me, Alex. A bottom-line guy like yourself. I didn't think you would believe. Alex: Well, part of me is a little nervous about it. I like to know what I know: see it, be able to prove it on a test— to know it, to learn it, and be done…And I just got a feeling that you keep getting tested on this one. Season 6 Season 7 Designing Woman [7.2] Mallory: Everyone, I want you to meet Jamie Carter. Alex [Jumping into his father's lap on the couch]: AAAUGH! Steven: Alex, she said Jamie, not Jimmy. Cast Michael J. Fox - Alex P. Keaton Michael Gross - Steven Keaton Meredith Baxter-Birney - Elyse Keaton Justine Bateman - Mallory Keaton Tina Yothers - Jennifer Keaton Brian Bonsall - Andrew 'Andy' Keaton (Seasons 5-7) Marc Price - Irwin 'Skippy' Handleman Scott Valentine - Nick Moore (Seasons 4-7) Tracy Pollan - Ellen Reed (Season 4) Courteney Cox - Lauren Miller (Seasons 6-7) Guest stars Dick Sargent - Charlie Donnelly (Season 1) Judith Light - Stacey Hughes (Season 2) Tom Hanks - Ned Donnelly (Seasons 1-2) Geena Davis - Karen Nicholson (Season 4) River Phoenix - Eugene Forbes (Season 4) Julia Louis-Dreyfus - Susan 'Raindrop' White (Season 6) Crispin Glover - Doug (Season 2) Wil Wheaton - Timothy Higgins (Season 5) Corey Feldman - Student Walter (Season 4) Jeff Cohen - Dougie Barker (Season 3)/Marv Jr. (Season 5) Christina Applegate - Kitten (Season 5) Stephen Baldwin - Bobby (Season 7) Daniel Baldwin - Holworthy (Season 7) Joseph Gordon-Levitt - Dougie (Season 6) Jane Adams - Marty Broadie (Season 7) James Cromwell - John Hancock (Season 3) John Randolph - Jacob Keaton (Season 1) Timothy Busfield - Doug (Season 3)/Young Matt (Season 5) Hank Azaria - Joe (Season 7) David Faustino - Keith Bailey (Season 2) Danny Nucci - Rick (Season 4) External links 0083413 Family Ties Category:1980s American multi-camera sitcoms Category:Cancelled shows category:NBC sitcoms Category:TV shows about families Category:TV shows set in Ohio