Ghosts (Season 4)

Main: Seasons 1 2 3 4 5 6 Ghosts (2021–present) is an American single-camera sitcom, airing on CBS, about a young couple whose dreams come true when they inherit a beautiful country house, only to find it's both falling apart and inhabited by many of the deceased previous residents. Patience [4.01] Hetty: Just like that, we're back. Isaac: Who wouldn't enjoy staring at the gorgeous porcelain skin? Patience: 'Tis from the blood letting that killed me. Jay: I'm tired and my hands hurt. Samantha: Yeah, sorry I couldn't find that second shovel, Jay. Alberta: You threw it behind the shed, Sam. Samantha: They're back! Jay: Nice! You see sometimes this ghost stuff just resolves itself. That's a good lesson for the future. Sasappis: You were literally just saying that if we got out of there you would turn over a new leaf and be a better person. Here's your chance. Isaac: Yes, well, perhaps we could start with something smaller? I could compliment one of Samantha's dreadful sweaters! [turns to Sam] That looks...lovely. Samantha: If I were kidnapped and trapped in an underground lair, would you risk eternity in the dirt for the chance to save me? Jay: Of course! And I love that these are our hypotheticals. Sam's Dad [4.02] Jay: Sam's dad's coming to visit today. Hetty: That's adorable! He thinks there are things going on in this house that we don't know about. Hetty: In 1893, I saw my son twice: Once on his birthday, and one time when his nanny suddenly died and we couldn't find a replacement until later that day. Isaac: Do you have to wallow in the one room with the TV? Flower: How's everything going with your being-a-better-person thing? Isaac: Really well, thank you for asking. Nancy: I learned about fractions during my full year of schooling. Pete: Ghost scapegoating! You should be ashamed of yourself....Ah, scapeghosting, I missed it. Jay: Why are the walls bleeding?! Hetty: We were wealthy. I had a dress with a zipper in it. Halloween 4: The Witch [4.03] Samantha: But Jay, I love Halloween! Don't you think you're overreacting a little bit? Jay: I wanted to wear my Atari shirt today. Do you know why I'm not wearing my Atari shirt today, Sam? Because the wall blood wouldn't come out of it. Isaac: A witch trial! I mean, how Halloween is that? Samantha: Cool. Someone let me know if I'm a witch. Mark: A penguin leash? Hey Jay, is this made for penguins or out of penguins? Hetty: Both. Now put that down! Jay: Oh my God, I sold my wife!! Pete: His wife is the statue. Vietnam War Vet Ghost: Damn straight. I fought for this man's right to marry a statue. Alberta: I guess your spell didn't work after all. Patience: No matter. I still got the blood thing. Why don't you go hum about it? The Work Retreat [4.04] Isaac: The new Isaac says "Long hair, don't care!". Isaac: New do, new you. A Star Is Dead [4.05] Alberta: Sam, you should do audition. Samantha: No. This isn't some Rinky Dink production. They performed at the mall. The Primary Source [4.06] Ghosts: Jay, watch out! [Jay steps on the snail with his shoe, but it turns out the snail is a ghost.] Hetty: I should call you the "Escarghost". Sad Farnsby [4.07] Isaac: A dinosaur bed. Hetty: It says "For Ages 5 & Up". Isaac: Yes. 5 & Up. Isaac: I do like pretending to be the tongue. A Very Arondekar Christmas Part 1 [4.08] Trevor: Hard agreed. Ghosts: Yes! Part 2 [4.09] Alberta: Pete's inside of Jay. Isaac: We have a double possession. The Not-So-Silent Partner [4.10] Pete: I hope it's soon. Isaac: Don't like the sound of that. Thorapy 2: Abandonment Issues [4.11] Thorfinn: Disappointed. Hetty: Huzzah! Isaac: Huzzah! It's the End of the World as We Know It and What Were We Talking About? [4.12] Jay: February 13, 2025. Flower: February 13, 2025. Mark: How is she tracking all this? Bela: Oh, I don't know, Mark; she's a woman and she's good at her job? I've heard about you. Jay: Not in my kitchen, Mark! Isaac: I recently learned there's such a thing called bacteria, which are like little men that live on the leaves and punch your stomach from the inside. Alberta: We still followin' laws this fool made. Ghostfellas [4.13] Isaac: You two getting back together would be a disaster on the scale of the Sugar Act, which was very bad. Alberta: Aww, did they make you pay tax on sugar? Isaac: And molasses, which we used in many products. It was a grave injustice. Alberta: Yes, the 18th century was very difficult for white male landowners. Isaac: Thank you. Jay: My sister personally responds to all negative reviews, and she studied creative writing at Penn. Sasappis: State. Isaac: Altoona campus. Thorfinn: Did not graduate. Jay: I said I love Goodfellas. Pete: It was a little violent for my taste. Thorfinn: Paw Patrol violent for your taste. Jay: I guess we could go on the run. One of the cooks makes fake IDs for high school kids. Alexander Hamilton and the Ruffle Kerfuffle [4.14] Isaac: Tonight, I shall tell you the tale of why I hate Alexander Hamilton. Isaac: The year is 1776. Flower: Really?! Isaac: No, in the story. Alberta: Danes are people too, Thor. Elias: She's not wrong... In the eyes of hell, all nationalities are seen as equal. I was surprised, too! Elias: Trust me, he does not want to start on the ground floor. I mean for one, that floor is made of snakes. The Bachelorette Party [4.15] Pete: Man, it feels good to spread joy. This must be what Johnny Appleseed felt like, you get an apple tree, you get an apple tree, you get an apple tree. Hetty: Yes, please. Mark: I say we celebrate with some mortadella. Jay: You know that stuff's like $20 a pound, right? Mark: Yeah. That's why I don't have it at my house. Isaac: He lived to be 84?! What was he, a sorcerer? Flower: Is that a bird? Hetty: It's a plane! Isaac: No. It's a stripper! St. Hetty's Day [4.16] Jay: So there's just some hot, invisible Australian guy hanging around now?... Are you blushing? Samantha: No! Sunil: Can I offer you some coffee? Hetty: No, thank you. It...it goes right through me. Hetty: I'm sadly unable to interact with the physical world, which I discovered moments ago after attempting to access Samantha's pill cabinet. Sasappis: What if it's because it's St. Patrick's Day, and you're Irish? Hetty: Interesting. But then why has this never happened before? Alberta: Maybe because you never saw the Irish as people before? But now that you do, you can also be seen? Sunil: [describing Hetty] A woman of true refined elegance and perfect posture. A true throwback. Aside from some wildly progressive views on recreational drug use. Jay: Why do the ghosts always wanna date my family? Jay: Man, it's harder to say no to them when you can see them and hear them. Samantha: This is what I've been telling you. His Girl Shiki [4.17] Joan: Cute and gullible. Just my type. Trevor: Hey. I was a tug-of-war anchor at Camp Ramah. Sasappis: So how long are you in town? I know Pete has to go home, you know, every few days to recharge once he starts to disappear. Joan: It's kind of like when you're 8 years old and you have your first martini, you get drunk right away. But then by the time you're 13, a girl can really hold her liquor. Smooching and Smushing [4.18] Alberta: Thor, you jumped behind me when that guy pulled out a ghost gun? Hetty: It was really quite pitiful. Trevor: Do you think I'm a selfish, capitalist pig? Hetty: Of course. It's one of your only redeeming qualities. Why do you ask? Trevor: Because Flower said I should be more charitable. Hetty: The poor are always suggesting that the rich be more charitable, when the truth is, if they simply invested their money rather than wasting it on frivolities like bread and kindling, they wouldn't need a handout. Flower: Capitalism isn't fair, Trevor. And now you know that. Hetty: This is why you don't give money to the poor. Pinkus Returns [4.19] Trevor: What?! Jay: No pants. I Know What You Did Thirty-Seven Summers Ago [4.20] Hetty: I'm desperate for it. Flower: It's 4/20 and you're dead. Live a little. Kyle [4.21] Kyle: Hi, I'm Kyle. Jay: Hi, Kyle, welcome to Woodstone. Thorfinn: Kyle is dumb name. Isaac: Well, it matches his dumb back purse. Kyle: Yeah, well, at least I'm alive. Hetty: You cannot deny that those are stableboy cheekbones. Hetty: Do not deny us our butler! Not when the dream of the perpetual Hot Pocket is finally within reach! Samantha: I face-palmed him immediately Alberta: OK, why is that everyone's move suddenly? Thorfinn: You start it. Alberta: Oh, right. The Devil Went Down to Woodstone [4.22] Jay: Alright, let's go to the zoo! Samantha: No, I made that up. I just wanted to have a private conversation without the ghosts hearing us. Jay: So no zoo? Ah man, I really wanted some Dip'n'Dots. ... Jay: [Isaac]'s gonna be so bummed. Which I can relate to as a man who thought he was gonna see tigers today. Pete: It's gonna be fun. Who doesn't like fun? Pete: Pretty sure that's just paprika. Patience: It's not a day of humiliation without witnesses. Samantha: [reading] No ex-saguination without representation! Bela: Where does the blood come from? Jay: We don't ask that question. There are no good answers. Jay: May the sales of this book begin to remotely offset the amount of money we've lost on ghosts. Jay: Speak of the devil, here he is now! Category:Ghosts seasons