Rat Race (film)

Rat Race is a 2001 American comedy film about six teams of people racing to a remote location to win a large sum of money in a locker. Directed by Jerry Zucker. Written by Andy Breckman. 563 miles. 9 people. $2 million. 1001 problems!(taglines) Nick Schaffer My grandfather used to say that good things take time, but great things happen all at once. Owen Templeton [Talking about the coin he used to flip at the Super Bowl] It's really a commemorative coin. I AM NOT A BUS DRIVER!!! I DO NOT WORK FOR THE BUS COMPANY!!! ALL RIGHT?!!! I--I NEEDED A RIDE TO NEW MEXICO, SO I STOLE THIS UNIFORM!!! SEE THIS JACKET?!! THIS IS NOT MY JACKET!!! REMEMBER MARTY, THE BUS DRIVER?!! HUH?!! THIS IS HIS SHIRT!!! I STOLE IT!!! AND THESE PANTS, YOU THINK I'D WEAR THESE PANTS?!!! THESE AREN'T MY PANTS!!! THESE ARE MARTY'S PANTS!!! I STOLE THEM!!! I AM NOT...a bus driver! Duane Cody [Looking at a map, a plane lands behind him] Where the hell is the airport?! Blaine Cody [When he and Duane accidentally drive into the middle of a monster truck rally] WHEY DA FU AR WEY?! [To Duane] Duane, Mom's watching 'ou from 'eaven righ' now. Wha' would 'he doo? For starving children, Duane. 'O it for mom. Vera Baker Oh good! A scam!! [to Owen] I knew I recognized you, you're the referee, the bonehead! We should've bought a squirrel. Randy Pear They're always pissed, honey. They're Nazis, it's like it's their job. [to the biker]Hi! [his tongue slips]I really like you dike- bike. [he tries to laugh it off, but the biker whistles behind her, and several other bikers appear, ready to attack] Are you insane?! This is Hitler's car! [the bikers continue to attack the car and force it off the road, causing it to crash into a Veterans' gathering. Randy's philtrum collides with the wheel and smears itself with its paint, making it look like Randy has Hitler's mustache, much to the shock of the veterans] I do NOT want to work at Home Depot! You drink these up, then we're gonna return the Nazi-mobile. And then we'll get the van fixed and we'll go back to Vegas and see David Copperfield! Yay! Bev, Bev, wake... Come on. Wake up. Wake up. Bev, wake up. Wake up. Third Reich's here. Come on. Get down. You wanna have a nice life. Okay, okay. Think. Think. SS in the parking lot. Kimberly Pear Dad, I don't have to pee, it's number two! Dad, I'm prairie-dogging! Look dad, I'm Mrs. Hitler! Dad, it's been a living hell. Donald Sinclair Excuse me. Thank you all for coming. I'm Donald Sinclair, I own this hotel. We don't have much time. There's a meteor the size of North Carolina heading straight for Earth. The impact is going to kill every thing and everyone on this planet. I built a bunker in the basement to this casino strong enough to withstand the blast. There's room enough for eight people. I have chosen the seven of you, plus me. When this is over, it'll be up to us to repopulate and re-civilize the planet. [Everyone looks shocked for about five seconds, before Sinclair begins laughing hysterically] I'm sorry. I couldn't resist! You haven't missed much, we're just cutting to the chase [Chuckles] "Cutting to the chase" [Laughs hysterically, then sees everyone else is silent] Eh, you'll all laugh later. Now, as you all know, the odds of winning the state lottery or a jackpot at one of our casinos are astronomical, I mean, millions-to-one; the average sensible person doesn't even bother. However, today you have the chance of playing a game where the odds of winning are one-in-six. One...in...six. That's one throw...[Tosses a dice onto the table] of the dice. [to Owen] I can do anything I want Nick. I'm eccentric! [growls like a tiger] Go! Theoretically, you have been racing for about 40 seconds now, and so far, Mr. Schaefer is winning, because he's nearest to the door! And, they're off! Enrico Polinni [Entering room] Am I too late? Look I won a coin! A gold coin! [looks around] Uh, isn't this wonderful? Look at this room. What a beautiful room! Have you seen this room? [Introducing himself] I am Enrico Polinni. Now I know what you are thinking, Enrico is a girl's name. No pun intended. I am getting goose pimples. It's a race! It's a race! I hope I win! Is a race! I am winning, I am winning! [slows down and falls asleep standing up in the middle of the hotel lobby] I make a joke to help you forget how screwed you are. Hey look! A drifter! Let's kill him! Others Squirrel Lady: I wasn't talkin' to you, was I? [to her squirrels] I was talkin' to Vera! Dialogue [A hotel employee hands Shawn Kent his bill] Shawn Kent: Wait - what's this $110? Employee: Uh, those are your in-room movies. Shawn Kent: No, I didn't watch any movies. Employee: Okay, let's see..."Afro Whores". Shawn Kent: "Afro Whores"? Employee: It says you watched it... 11 times. Shawn Kent: No, I didn't watch that. Employee: 2:00 "Afro Whores", 3:30 "Afro Whores", 5:00 "Afro Whores"... It says in the morning you watched The Grinch for ten minutes, then switched back over to "Afro Whores". Shawn Kent: I swear I didn't watch it. Okay? I was at a bachelor party. There were 35 people there. You can ask any of them. You have to take that off my record. Hotel Clerk: It's not a record, sir. Shawn Kent: It... It's a delete. Hotel Clerk: Okay, fine. How many times did you watch it? Shawn Kent: Uh, none! I didn't watch it! Hotel Clerk: Are you sure? "Sizzling, three-way, backdoor action featuring two sexy soul sisters...” Shawn Kent: No, I don't need to know what it's about! I did not watch it! [hotel clerk raises her eyebrows] I didn't! [Duane and Blaine Cody walk up to the top of a flight of stairs, Duane places a glass on the ground] Duane Cody: Okay, see that shot glass? Walk across the lobby, slip on the glass, let gravity do the rest. Blaine Cody: I-ight 'eak y eck! Duane Cody: It's true, you could break your neck, but it's a risk I'm willing to take. Blaine Cody: Hy ont u oo it? Duane Cody: Because, Einstein, one of us needs to be the victim and one of us needs to be the witness! What kind of witness would you make? I'm your own brother, I don't know what the hell you're saying. How's your tongue, let me see. [Blaine opens his mouth, showing a blackened tongue with a stud in it; Duane cringes] Blaine Cody: Ows it ook? Duane Cody: ...It looks good, getting better. Randy Pear: [seeing Blaine's infected tongue] Oh my God! You ought to sue somebody! Blaine Cody: Ay id it y-elf! Randy Pear: What? Duane Cody: He said he did it himself. Sent away for a kit. Donald Sinclair: [after explaining the game] The first one there, keeps it all! Oh, by the way, I put little tracking devices on your key rings so I'll always know where you are and...that's it! Go. Owen: Y-You can't just pick people at random! Donald Sinclair: I can do anything I like, Owen! I'm eccentric! [Growls] Go! Randy Pear: Wait. So, it's like a race? [Sinclair points to him with an "Ah-ha!" expression] Enrico Pollini: A race! It's a race! I hope I win! Duane Cody: Uh, what are the rules? Donald Sinclair: There's only one rule. Are you ready? Here it is: There are, no rules! Go! [Nobody moves] Go!! Merrill: So, when you say "go", you mean, just go? Donald Sinclair: Uh, begin, commence, start moving, [looks at his watch] theoretically you have been racing for about forty-five seconds now, and so far Mr. Schaffer is winning because he's nearest to the door. [Everyone continues staring at Sinclair, visibly confused. Finally, he sighs in frustration, pulls out a revolver, and fires it into the ceiling.] [In the initial stage of the race, everyone, with the exception of Nick and Enrico, try to beat each other down the stairs and fall over one another into a pile on a landing] Owen: Hey, wait-wait-wait! Wait! This is crazy! Listen, if we're all going to go for it, why don't we go for it together? You know, split the money fifty-fifty? Blaine Cody: Fifay-fifay? Owen: Oh, you know what I mean. Fifty-fifty; whatever! Vera: Yes, yes, that's a good plan. Enrico: [Running down the stairs] It's a race! It's a race! [Goes past everyone on the landing] I am winning! I am winning! [After a pause, everyone runs after him] Kimberly Pear: Dad, I'm prairie-dogging it!! Randy Pear: What the hell does that mean? Jason Pear: You know, like when a prairie dog sticks his head in and out of the ground. Randy Pear: Oh...Oh, God, I do not want to picture that! Randy Pear: That's Hitler's harmonica; you can't play Hitler's harmonica. Jason Pear: Well, you're driving his car. Randy Pear: Yeah, but I'm not touching it with my mouth! I'm not sucking on the dashboard! I'm not getting his germs! Vicki: So, what can I do for you, Harry? Harold Grisham: Okay... here's what I want. First... we both get naked. Vicki: So far so good. Harold Grisham: Except... we're both wearing sailor hats. Then we get into a jacuzzi filled with Pepto-Bismol, I clip your toenails and you shave my buttocks. Taglines 563 miles. 9 people. $2 million. 1001 problems! Make a Dash, for the Cash Join the Race August 2001 Cast John Cleese as Donald P. Sinclair Breckin Meyer as Nick Schaffer Amy Smart as Tracy Faucet Cuba Gooding Jr. as Owen Templeton Seth Green as Duane Cody Vince Vieluf as Blaine Cody Whoopi Goldberg as Vera Baker Lanai Chapman as Merrill Baker Jennings Jon Lovitz as Randall 'Randy' Pear Kathy Najimy as Beverly 'Bev' Pear Brody Smith as Jason Pear Jillian Marie Hubert as Kimberly Pear Rowan Atkinson as Enrico Pollini Dave Thomas as Harold Grisham Wayne Knight as Zack Mallozzi Silas Weir Mitchell as Lloyd the Locksmith Paul Rodriguez as Gus the Cabbie Dean Cain as Shawn Kent Six Racers Nick Schaffer and His love interest Tracy Faucet Owen Templeton The Cody Brothers: Duane & Blaine Vera Baker and Her biological daughter Merrill Jennings The Pear Family: Randy, Bev (wife), Jason (son) & Kimberly (daughter) Enrico Pollini External links Rat Race (2001 film) 0250687 Rat Race rat_race Rat Race Category:2001 American films Category:Road comedy films Category:Chase films Category:Films about treasure hunting Category:Films directed by Jerry Zucker Category:American films about gambling