The Court Jester

thumb The Court Jester is a 1955 musical-comedy film about a hapless carnival performer who masquerades as the court jester as part of a plot against an evil ruler who has overthrown the rightful King. Directed and written by Norman Panama and Melvin Frank. The Musical Romantic Adventure Of This Or Any Year! Hubert Hawkins I am prepared to make a statement: When I was a lad I was gloomy and sad as I was from the day I was born. When other babes giggled and gurgled and wiggled, I proudly was loudly forlorn. My friends and my family looked at me clammily, thought there was something amiss: when others found various antics hilarious all I could manage was this [looks at his hands] or this [gives a small smile] or this [gives a short giggle] or this [gives a weird giggle/whimper] My father he shouted, "he needs to be clouted, his teeth on a wreath I'll hand him!" My mother she cried as she rushed to my side, "You're a brute and you don't understand him!" So they sent for a witch with a terrible twitch to ask how my future impressed her. She took one look at me... and cried, "He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, *HE*! What else could he be but a jester?" A jester? A jester? A funny idea, a jester. No butcher, no baker, no candlestick maker, and me with the look of a fine undertaker impressed her as a jester? But where was I to learn any comical turn? It was not in a book on a shelf. No teacher to take me, to mold me and make me a merryman, fool or an elf. But I'm proud to recall that in no time at all, with no other recourses but my own resources, with firm application and determination... I made a fool of myself!" I started to travel to try to unravel my mind and to find a new chance. When I got to Spain it was suddenly plain that the field that appealed was the dance. The Spanish were clannish but I wouldn't vanish and learned every step they had planned. The first step of all wasn't hard to recall, 'cause the first step of all is to stand. And stand. And stand. And stand... King Roderick Take that horse and put it back under that idiot! Dialogue King Roderick: The Duke. What did the Duke do? Hubert Hawkins: Eh... the Duke do? King: Yes. And what about the Doge? Hawkins: Oh, the Doge! King: Eh. Well what did the Doge do? Hawkins: The Doge do? King: Yes, the Doge do. Hawkins: Well, uh, the Doge did what the Doge does. Eh, uh, when the Doge does his duty to the Duke, that is. King: What? What's that? Hawkins: Oh, it's very simple, sire. When the Doge did his duty and the Duke didn't, that's when the Duchess did the dirt to the Duke with the Doge. King: Who did what to what? Hawkins: Oh, they all did, sire. There they were in the dark; the Duke with his dagger, the Doge with his dart, Duchess with her dirk. King: Duchess with her dirk? Hawkins: Yes! The Duchess dove at the Duke just when the Duke dove at the Doge. Now the Duke ducked, the Doge dodged, and the Duchess didn't. So the Duke got the Duchess, the Duchess got the Doge, and the Doge got the Duke! King: Curious. I... I... hm? What? What's that? All I heard was that the Duchess had a siege of rheumatism. She's 83, you know. King Roderick: You spent some time in the Italian court? Hawkins: Why, yes. What better place to court Italians? Griselda: Listen. I have put a pellet of poison in one of the vessels. Hawkins: Which one? Griselda: The one with the figure of a pestle. Hawkins: The vessel with the pestle? Griselda: Yes. But you don't want the vessel with the pestle, you want the chalice from the palace! Hawkins: I don't want the vessel with the pestle, I want the chalice from... the what? Jean: The chalice from the palace! Hawkins: Hmmm? Griselda: It's a little crystal chalice with a figure of a palace. Hawkins: The chalice from the palace has the pellet with the poison? Griselda: No, the pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle. Hawkins: Oh, oh, the pestle with the vessel. Jean: The vessel with the pestle. Hawkins: What about the palace from the chalice? Griselda: Not the palace from the chalice! The chalice from the palace! Hawkins: Where's the pellet with the poison? Griselda: In the vessel with the pestle. The chalice from the palace has the brew that is true. Jean: Don't you see? The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle. Griselda: The chalice from the palace has the brew that is true! Jean: It's so easy, I can say it. Hawkins: Well then you fight him! Griselda: Listen carefully. The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle, the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true. Hawkins: The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle, the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true. Jean: Good man! Hubert Hawkins: I’ve got it! I’ve got it! The pellet with the poison’s in the vessel with the pestle; the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true! Right? Griselda: Right, but there’s been a change. They broke the chalice from the palace. Hawkins: They broke the chalice from the palace?! Griselda: And replaced it with a flagon. Hawkins: A flagon? Griselda: With the figure of a dragon. Hawkins: Flagon with a dragon. Griselda: Right. Hawkins: But did you put the pellet with the poison in the vessel with the pestle? Griselda: No! The pellet with the poison’s in the flagon with the dragon! The vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true! Hawkins: The pellet with the poison’s in the flagon with the dragon; the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true. Griselda: Just remember that. Hawkins: [disguised as an old man] Have you seen a group in the forest? [Jean, pretending to be a deaf mute, makes a lot of hand gestures in response] Hawkins: She says, "No." Captain of the Guard: What took her so long? Hawkins: Stutters. Hawkins: I'd like to get in, get on with it, get it over with, and get out. Get it? Ravenhurst: Got it. Hawkins: Good. External links 0049096 Category:Films set in castles Category:Films set in the Middle Ages Category:Films set in England Category:1955 American films Category:1955 English-language films Category:American adventure comedy films Category:American historical adventure films Category:American musical comedy films Category:American satirical films Category:Films about hypnosis