Saturday Night Live/Season 3

Steve Martin/Jackson Browne [3.01] Yortuk Festrunk: [Czech accent] We are... two wild and crazy guys! Dan Aykroyd: During the Lance Hearings, Sen. Charles Percy has been inaccurately accused of tax fraud and embezzlement. Percy later apologized, saying that anyone can make a mistake. Well this story has JUST come in: In 1946, while in the navy, Percy has sex with a polar bear. Jane Curtin: Uh, wait a minute, Dan. We just had a report that that story is inaccurate. But we do have this, uh, from one of our sources: In 1972, Percy personally ordered the assassination of baseball player Roberto Clemente. Dan Aykroyd: Uh, this bulletin is JUST coming in, Jane: That last story is, in fact, inaccurate, but we DO have information that in 1957, Percy ordered the assassination of a polar bear while having SEX with Roberto Clemente. More on that story, uh, when we get some of the facts. [looks offscreen] Will someone check that out? Madeline Kahn/Taj Mahal [3.02] Hugh Hefner/Liddy Titus [3.03] Charles Grodin/Paul Simon [3.04] Ray Charles [3.05] [Beginning of Weekend Update] Don Pardo: [voiceover] And now, Weekend Update with Chevy Chase! Jane Curtin and Dan Aykroyd: [shocked] What?! Don Pardo: [voiceover] [apologetic] Sorry, old script. Buck Henry/Leon Redbone [3.06] John Belushi: [as he holds a lit cigarette] I logged a lot of miles training for that day and I downed a lot of donuts, Little Chocolate Donuts, they taste good, and they've got the sugar I need to get me going in the morning. That's why Little Chocolate Donuts have been on my training table since I was a kid. Mary Kay Place/Willie Nelson [3.07] Miskel Spillman/Elvis Costello [3.08] Steve Martin/Randy Newman, The Dirt Band [3.09] Robert Klein/Bonnie Raitt [3.10] Chevy Chase/Billy Joel [3.11] [fake NBC title card of "The Little House on The Praire Burns To The Ground"] Don Pardo: [voiceover] The Little House on The Praire Burns To The Ground will not be seen tonight, so that NBC will air the following special program. [On Weekend Update, while Emily Litella is telling Chevy Chase that she missed him, Jane Curtin is not happy] Jane Curtin: [angrily] Emily?! What are you doing here?! SCRAM! Emily Litella: Oh, go to hell, Miss Clayton. O.J. Simpson/Ashford & Simpson [3.12] Art Garfunkel/Stephen Bishop [3.13] Jill Clayburgh/Eddie Money [3.14] Christopher Lee/Meat Loaf [3.15] Michael Palin/Eugene Record [3.16] Todd: Mr. Brighton? Did I sent you the letter? Mr. Brighton: I don't know. Todd: Because I forgot to stamp it! [Todd crushed Mr. Brighton's toes with his foot] Lisa Loopner: Your fly's open, Mr. Brighton. Mr. Brighton: [fuming] YES, I KNOW! [Mr. Brighton left the Loopner household abruptly] Michael Sarazzin/Gravity [3.17] Steve Martin/The Blues Brothers [3.18] Dan Aykroyd: This just in, Garrett Morris is dead. A group of 8 youths has fatally shot the late Update correspondant at the kids' playground. Another paraquat-related death. Jane Curtin: Hoping your news is good news. Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow. Richard Dreyfuss/Jimmy Buffett, Gary Tigerman [3.19] Buck Henry/Sun Ra [3.20] Category:Saturday Night Live seasons