Jersey Girl (2004 film)

Jersey Girl is a 2004 American comedy-drama film written and directed by Kevin Smith. It stars Ben Affleck, Liv Tyler, Raquel Castro, George Carlin, Jason Biggs, Jennifer Lopez and Will Smith. Dialogue Ollie: [to Gertie] You're the only thing I was ever good at. [last lines] Gertie: Thank you, daddy. Ollie: Anything for you, Gert. You know why? Gertie: Why? Ollie: Because you're the only thing I was ever really good at. [first lines] Teacher: Everyone, please take your seats. You heard the bell. You know what it means. Last week, the assignment was to write an essay about your family. Who they... Teacher: [class: "Are!"] And what they... Teacher: [class: "Mean to us!"] Excellent droning. Gertie: I hate you! I hate you! I wish you died, not MOMMY! Ollie: I hate you right back, you little shit! You and your mom took my life away from me. I just want it back! Bart: Sun even shines on a dog's ass some days. Greenie: You getting a dog? Maya: That was kind of sweet. I'm kind of crushing on you right now, Trinkle. Ollie: "Cats" is the second worst thing that ever happened in New York City. [after talking to Gertie, after finding her with Brian without their pants on] Ollie: Do you have any questions about what you saw? Gertie: [thinking hard] Do you have what Brian has? Ollie: Yes. Gertie: [after thinking hard again] Is it as big as his? Ollie: Sadly, yes. Ollie: George Michael is all about the ladies. "I want your sex". Does that sound like he's singing to a guy? Boy #5: Okay, it's like this. My dog ate my paper. I checked, but he didn't poop it out. Bart: Try acting like a father, shit-head. Gertrude: [very pregnant Gertrude is getting ready for the VMAs] You try getting ready quickly when you look like this! I'm so fat and there's going to be nothing but beautiful skinny girls there! Ollie: That's because they're all coked-out whores, honey. Gertrude: [now crying] I want to be a coked-out whore! Ollie: They're just skinny because they're coked-out whores. Gertrude: [sobbing] I want to be a coked-out whore! Ollie: Okay, you can be a coked-out whore. You can be a coked-out, coked-out whore. Maya: I do it at least twice a day. Ollie: Good God! Cast Ben Affleck - Oliver "Ollie" Trinké Liv Tyler - Maya Raquel Castro - Gertie Trinké George Carlin - Bart Trinké Jennifer Lopez - Gertude Steiney Stephen Root - Greenie Mike Starr - Block Jason Biggs - Arthur Brickman Will Smith - Himself (uncredited) Jason Lee - PR Exec. 1 Matt Damon - PR Exec. 2 Paulie Litt - Bryan (as Paulie Litowsky) Harley Quinn Smith - Trace Colelli (uncredited) External links Category:2004 films Category:2004 American films Category:American romantic comedy-drama films Category:Films set in New Jersey Category:Films directed by Kevin Smith Category:Films set in New York City Category:Films about dysfunctional families