Small Time Crooks

Small Time Crooks is a 2000 American comedy film abouta loser of a crook and his wife who strike it rich when a botched bank job's cover business becomes a spectacular success. Written and directed by Woody Allen. They took a bite out of crime. taglines May Sloane It was a really tragic story, because my husband, Otto, was dyslexic, and the only thing he could spell correctly was his name. I met a wonderful man downstairs. He seemed to like me. He said I reminded him of his wife who's dead. But I assume he meant when she was alive. Dialogue Ray: I'm no genius, believe me, I'm no genius. Frenchy: Yeah, you don't have to sell me. Ray: I gotta get some air. I'm going up on the roof. Frenchy: Don't jump! You're too valuable as a dishwasher. Ray: For God's sake! For some reason you're always shooting down my dreams. Frenchy: Because you get the kind of dreams people get after putting opium in their brownies. Ray: Today Benny got bit by a rat. We had to give him a rabies shot. Frenchy: Who, the rat? Denny: Ray really is a genius, Frenchy. Frenchy: Compared to you, this chair is a genius, Denny. Ray: What would you say if I told you that you were married to a very brilliant man? Frenchy: I'd say I'd have to be a bigamist. Ray: What the hell are you gonna do with a flower shop? Benny: Burn it down. Ray: What do you mean, "burn it down"? You're still burning stuff down for insurance? Benny: I burn everything. That's how I sent two kids through college. David: So, you can see the difference between this Tintoretto and the earlier Byzantine painting we looked at? What would you say is the most significant difference? Ray: Me? I'd say the frame's bigger here. Ray: I get a bad vibe about this guy, David. It's my street instinct, but I just don't trust him. May: Yeah, I know why. Because he's younger than you are, handsomer than you are, he's much taller than you are, he's smarter than you are, he's much more exciting than you are... Ray: May, don't feel obligated to pull any punches with me. I can take it. Benny: You know what I say? She gets a share, but not a full share. Tommy: I'd go for that. Yeah. Denny: Yeah, what if we each get a fourth and she gets, like, a third? Benny: What are you? Nuts? Then she'd be getting more than us! Denny: How do you figure? Benny: Where are you gonna get four fourths and a third? Can't you add? Denny: I don't do fractions, all right? Denny: Did you get your share? Tommy: My share of what? Oh, oh, yeah. I got it. I sold some stuff. Denny: What did you sell? Tommy: A rented car. May: Then the lights begin to flash. Little pinpoints of light. Then my tongue turns black and I can't swallow. Dr. Henske: Really? May: The diagnosis is Parkinson's, but they think it could be the Ebola virus, or mad cow disease. Frenchy's Lawyer: You've lost it all, Frenchy. Or should I say, you've been swindled out of it all. Frenchy: You mean I got...? Frenchy's Lawyer: Nothing, Mrs. Winkler. You have nothing. No... no house, no bank account, just a couple of large, outstanding loans which we feel you can best deal with by filing for bankruptcy. Frenchy: Bankruptcy? Bankruptcy? I'm not up to the B-words yet! Frenchy: Hey, It was you who taught me how to open a safe. Ray: That was one of my fondest memories of our time together... What are you saying? You boosted this from David's safe? Frenchy, that's stealing. Frenchy: Not exactly. Look, it's a long story, Ray. Let's sell it, and I'll fill you in on the flight to Miami. Ray: Sweetheart, you are the greatest. Frenchy: Yeah. Taglines They took a bite out of crime. Explodes with big-time laughter. Cast Woody Allen - Ray Winkler Tracey Ullman - Frances "Frenchy" Fox-Winkler Elaine May - May Sloane Elaine Stritch - Chi-Chi Velasquez Potter Hugh Grant - David Perrette Michael Rapaport - Denny Doyle Tony Darrow - Tommy Walker Jon Lovitz - Benjamin "Benny" Bukowski Brian Markinson - Officer Ken DeLoach George Grizzard - George Blint Larry Pine - Charles Bailey Kristine Nielsen - Emily Bailey External links Small Time Crooks at imdb small_time_crooks Small Time Crooks 187116 Small Time Crooks smalltimecrooks Small Time Crooks Category:2000 films Category:2000s American films Category:Comedy films Category:Heist films Category:Films directed by Woody Allen Category:Screenplays by Woody Allen