Curb Your Enthusiasm (season 7)

Season 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 | Main Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000-2024) is an American television sitcom on HBO starring Seinfeld writer & co-creator Larry David. The series is loosely based on David's life as a semi-retired multi-millionaire in the world after Seinfeld. It was inspired by a 1999 one-hour mockumentary titled Larry David: Curb Your Enthusiasm, which David and HBO had envisioned as a one-time project. Funkhouser's Crazy Sister [7.1] Larry: I'd rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time. Larry: You can't make an empty gesture to a Funkhouser. They take you up on it! Larry: Can I tell you something about apricots? ... 1 in 30 is a good one. It's such a low percentage fruit. Vehicular Fellatio [7.2] Larry: I'm going to dinner with Jeff and Susie and Richard Lewis and his new girlfriend, if you want to come along. Loretta: Any black people gonna be there? Larry: No. Loretta: Then why would I want to go? Larry: ...Might be some people with cancer? Larry: You're nothing without your health. Some people are nothing even with their health. I fall in that category, sometimes. Larry: We're fighting because you're a moron. That's why we're fighting. The Reunion [7.3] Larry: Remember I was sitting here yesterday? Waiter: Yeah. Larry: Do you mind telling me how much tip the guy I was with left you? Waiter: Oh..we don't do that. Larry: You don't do what? Waiter: We don't share that information with the customers. Larry: Honestly, who gives a crap? I was in here, I was with a guy, I'm just curious. What did he leave? Waiter: It was a healthy, healthy tip. Larry: Was mine a healthy tip? Waiter: Yeah. Larry: Was his healthier? Waiter: I... Larry: Let me ask you this question. Was it over twelve dollars? Waiter: Do..do you want me to refill your water or.. Larry: Just scratch your face with your finger if it was over twelve dollars. Waiter: I can really get in trouble if I talk to you about that. Larry: Nobody even knows what we're talking about. Scratch your face with your finger if it was over twelve dollars. Go ahead, just scratch it. Was it over twelve dollars? [waiter scratches his face] Larry: Oh, for God's sake. What an asshole! Let me ask you a question. Was it over fifteen dollars? Just tug on your tie up here. Was it over fifteen? Waiter: This is making me really uncomfortable. Larry: Nobody's even knows what we're talking about! Was it over fifteen dollars? Tug on your tie. [waiter tugs on his tie] Larry: Oh, my fucking..fuck! The Hot Towel [7.4] Larry: I'm not kidding, the food was awful. Terrible. Honestly, I can't believe you recommended that. Dr. Morrison: Well, I liked the ossobuco. Larry: Didn't taste like ossobuco to me. It was bad ossobuco. Denise Handicapped [7.5] Larry: [in reference to the Fowler's adopted child from China] Let me ask you this question, have you noticed if she has any proclivity for chopsticks? Jamie: Why? John: Why would she have a proclivity for chopsticks, Larry? Larry: Well, she's Chinese. John: Do you think she's also a Kung Fu master? Larry: No, all I'm wondering is this, if you took an American kid who's never used chopsticks before and a Chinese kid who's never used chopsticks before, would the Chinese kid do better? John: So the American kid is the control group? Jamie: Okay, you know what, she uses a fork. Larry: Do me a favor. Jamie: What? Larry: First time she uses chopsticks, gimme a call me and just let me know. Gimme a call and just say "Hey, you know what? You wouldn't believe it.." [Ted Danson orders Larry and Denise a slice of pie at a restaurant] Ted: You're gonna love this. It is the best piece of pie you've ever had. Larry: Honestly, you know, I'm not eating dessert anymore. Ted: Just have one bite. Come on. Larry: I'm not in the mood, Ted. I don't want it. Thank you, it's a nice gesture but I'm not in the mood. Ted: You're making me look like an asshole. Larry: I had the option of ordering dessert and I didn't want the dessert at the time so I don't want the dessert. Ted: Just have one little bite for my sake, please. Larry: I don't care. I don't want it for your sake. Ted: Be a friend, be a fucking friend, will you! Larry: I'm being a friend but I don't have to take a bite just because you want me to! Okay? Ted: Have a bite of the pie! Waiter: [starts to take the pie away] You know, I'm just gonna get this out of the way for you.. Larry: I don't want the pie! Thank you. Ted: No, no. Put the pie down. Put the pie down. Larry: No, don't. Here, take it. Thank you. Ted: Don't pick up that pie. Put the pie down. Larry: I'm not taking a bite, I don't want a bite! Take this fucking piece of pie and get it out of my face! Ted: Put that fucking pie down! Larry: Don't put that pie down! Do not put that pie down! Susan: Jeff, let's take a walk. Jeff: Eh, I'm comfortable. Susan: Come on, it's gorgeous! Perfect walking weather. It's good for you. Jeff: Nah, I don't want to. I'm not in the mood. Susan: Please? Jeff: No, I'm fine. Susan: Get up off your fat ass and let's take a walk! It'll be romantic! Leon: Denise called. Larry: What'd she say? Leon: Give her a call. Larry: She leave her number? Leon: Nah. Larry: Damn it! I don't have her number or her address. Leon: Call information. Larry: I don't know her last name. She was in my BlackBerry under "Denise handicapped". That's how I remember these names. Don't you do that in your Blackberry? You put names down with jobs, some association, so you remember who they are? I got "Sean yoga", the yoga teacher, and "Teresa masseuse". Leon: I do the same thing. I got "Nancy big tits". I know Nancy got big ass tits. "Janelle sweet ass".. The Bare Midriff [7.6] The Black Swan [7.7] Larry: Fruit's good. Jeff: Yeah. Larry: Delicious, isn't it? Marty: How can you talk about the food? I wanna throw up. We should get out of here. Andy: Yes, let's get out of here. Larry: Oh, that's a wonderful idea. Marty: I want to get out of here now. Larry: Let me explain something to you, moron, okay? Swan killers leave. People who aren't swan killers stay, have a little lunch, enjoy themselves, socialize, get to know the members. There's nothing wrong. Get it? Marty: Guess what, I'm not a swan killer, okay? Larry: Hey, let me remind you of something, asshole. You're talking way too loud about swan killing in the dining room. Why is that so hard to understand? Marty: How many rules are you gonna break? You're not suppose to have your phone on, it's always ringing. You killed a swan! Larry: Keep your fucking voice down! Marty: You killed a swan! Larry: [raises butter knife] Shut up! Shut up! Andy: Why did I order turkey? I should've just had the eggs and onions. I know they're good here. Marty: Will you do me a favor and shut up about your food. Larry: Yeah, he's right. All you're doing is complaining about your food. I told you to get the fruit. It's delicious. Andy: I had the fruit this morning. Why am I going to order it twice for? Larry: You could have fruit twice in one day. Andy: No you can't, you get the acid reflux and it'll rip a hole in your stomach. Larry: They have non-acidic fruit. You got papaya and mango and banana! Officer Krupke [7.8] Larry: I'm Larry David. I happen to enjoy wearing women's panties. The Table Read [7.9] Jerry: You surprised me. I had no idea it would be that revolting. Seinfeld [7.10] Mocha Joe: Did you get a chance to pick up those beans? I'm really low on coffee. Larry: You know, I went, and there was a lot of traffic, and I got stuck in traffic, and by the time I got there - I went all the way over there - the store was closed so I couldn't get them. Mocha Joe: So you didn't get the beans? Larry: No. I didn't get the beans. Mocha Joe: So you didn't do me the favor? Larry: I attempted to do you the favor. I tried to do you the favor. What are you talking about? Mocha Joe: No. An attempt is not a favor. Larry: What? It is a favor. It is a favor. That's as good as a favor. The effort was there. Jerry: What did you come back with, though? Larry: The store was closed. Jerry: Driving to a coffee place is not a favor. Mocha Joe: Where did I bring the jumper cable? Halfway to your office, or to your office? Jerry: Mocha Joe has nothing to show for your supposed favor. Larry: I know. Jerry: You have jumper cables. What does he got? Mocha Joe: Exactly. Jerry: He's got a guy who's got a story about traffic. Mocha Joe: Thank you, Jerry. Jerry: You're welcome, Mocha Joe. Larry: Come on! I did a lot for Mocha Joe. Jerry: Mocha Joe doesn't need people driving around for him. He needs coffee. Larry: Whatever happened to E for effort, Jerry? E for effort? You people think about that! E for effort! Mocha Joe: F for favor! Jerry: C for coffee! Waverly: So "Duberstein" - that's a Jewish name, right? - Yes, it is. Leon: I was adopted by some lovely Jews. Waverly: - And you were bar mitzvahed? - Oh, yeah yeah. Leon: Three times. Leon: The last time was a few months ago in Atlantic City. Waverly: But I thought you only got bar mitzvahed once. You know, when you're 13 years old? Leon: - No no no no, you misunderstood. Waverly: - What? Leon: It's once every 13 years, you know. Leon: You got to recharge the mitzvah, so you always keep your mitzvah kind of full, at capacity. Leon: "Capacitme" Mitzvah capacity!! Category:Curb Your Enthusiasm seasons