The Invite

The Invite is a 2026 American comedy drama film, a remake of a Spanish 2020 film, about live in couple Joe and Angela who attempt to repair their strained marriage by inviting their enigmatic upstairs neighbors for a dinner party, with the night spiraling unexpectedly. Directed by Olivia Wilde and written by Cesc Gay, Will McCormack and Rashida Jones. Everything is on the table.(taglines) Angela [to Joe] Oh, fuck, did you forget the wine? [to Joe, pointing to soufflé in oven] Do you have any idea how hard I worked on this fucking thing? It's gonna be fucking beautiful if you'd just shut the fuck up! [to Joe ordering her to tell Hawk and Piña to not show up or he threatens to bring up their lovemaking noises] Was that an ultimatum?! [to Joe] Do you even understand how hard it is for a woman to come that hard? [to Joe] 'Cause I don't think you get it. I don't think you really understand how difficult it is. And if we say something, do you know what's gonna happen? Every time they fuck and she comes, they're gonna see our dumb faces. That's not fair! [to Joe] I just wanted to have a nice night. I just wanted to have a nice, normal fucking night, [bites pickle] and you won't let me. I'm sorry that your band didn't work out, Joe. I'm really sorry. You still teach music every single day. You get to live in a beautiful home. You have a kid who fucking worships you. You have a life that I think many people would kill for, but you've just decided to make the choice to not get over your bullshit and to just be miserable. You won't even fucking touch the piano that you used to love, and we all have to tiptoe around you. You're just like a sad, wounded puppyǃ I am the one who gave everything up. Joe Are we expecting people? Can we put curtains on this window?! [referring to an apartment across an alley] I don't like how they can see into our apartment! [referring to Angela to Piña] If you told her that wasn't jamón, [she laughs] she would commit suicide in our dining room. Why do I feel like everyone knows something except me?! [referring to Hawk to Angela] That's why you don't want curtains on the window, so the fireman can see your fucking tits! You wanna all fuck each other! You've been plotting this whole thing behind my back! Stop laughing at me! [to Hawk and Piña] Do not speak Spanish. Stop it. Stop speaking Spanish! [to Hawk's proposition for swinging sex] I'll schedule it for right now. I'll fuck you guys right now. [to Angela] Incredible how unsexy you're managing to make this moment! Let's be clear. [points to Hawk and Piña] You, you, [points to Angela] her, [points to himself] and me. [to Hawk] I don't fucking want you to try in ANY WAY emotionally relate to me, you fucking pervert! We're nothing alike! Also, your name isn't Hawk! No one's name is Hawk! You go and on about radical honesty! Your whole name's a fucking lie, manǃ What is your name! What's your actual name? Tell me your... What is on your driver's license? [Hawk says "Howard Wilson Kelly"] "Howard". He's Howard. Your name is Howard. This whole time, it hasn't been Hawk. It's been little Howie. Oh, my God. That changes everything. I didn't know we had a Howard in our midst. I would've been so much nicer to you. Where did Hawk come from, Howie? How'd you land on Hawk? [Hawk says it was self given] A nickname you gave yourself. Literally the lamest words that could have come out of your mouthǃ Oh, my God. What, were you biking across the playa at Burning Man?ǃ You saw a fucking bird fly by or something?ǃ [Hawk reveals cause his wife died of cancer] Well, maybe you should lead with that next time, I guess. [to Hawk] Well... I'm sorry your wife passed away, and I'm glad you found a woman who would peg you afer you didn't let your wife peg you. [Angela expresses dismay] What do you want from me? I'm sorry. That's the moral of that story as far as I'm concerned. [to Angela] You did thatǃ There's one reason that you're not doing what you are not doing, and that is because you are not doing itǃ You quitǃ You gave upǃ Piña You know, the best stress relief is to just cry. You know, it's the best way to flush out the stress hormone, right? yes, cortisol. I think we only get a few chances at meaningful relationships, usually we move to different people, sometimes we can have a new relationship with the same people. But I think this relationship is over. For me, no gluten, no dairy, no meat, no sugar. It's like, this game we have. [concerning Angela's exhibitionism to hawk] I think what she's doing is great. This is sexually very helpful. [Joe inquires "for whom?"] For who? And for us, women, do you know how many women give up their erotic aspirations for good? Do you know how hard it is, what she's doing, that she's trying to connect with the part she lost? [to Angela] Good for you. [To Joe concerning Hawk] My boyfriend shares that very difficult and painful story with you, and you're making fun of him? [Joe claims his life is "difficult and painful"] I really didn't expect this from you. This is fucking disappointing. [Joe apologizes] No, no... Really! Shut up! Stop! Stop being unrespectful to my boyfriend. [Hawk corrects her grammar] She's saying, what? [Hawk claims clarification] I think they caught what I was saying. Oh, are you going to interrupt? [Hawk apologizes] Correct my English right now? [Hawk claims clarification] No! You're always interrupting me, always correcting me! Do you know how bad your Spanish is! And I never tell you, right? What do I do? I help you. I've been telling you all night, this is not gonna work. It's not the night. They're not ready. [gestures at Joe and Angela] Look at this fucking mess! And you keep pushing! You keep pushing because you're always pushing! And you know why? Because you don't listen. Just fucking listen! [Hawk attempts to console her] No, I don't wanna talk to you! Just... Shut the fuck up for once! [Sits] Shut the fuck up! Really! Really! For once, just shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up! Just shut the fuck up. [Hawk claims sympathy] You said that before. [Hawk claims sympathy] Fucking embarrassing. [To Joe] I'm sorry for yelling at you. [To Hawk] And I'm... I'm sorry if this was too much. I'm sorry. [Hawk claims apologizing is unnecessary] I'm sorry. [To Hawk] I'm sorry I... yelled at you. [To Joe] I'm sorry I yelled at you. It was horrible what you said. [Hawk claims apologizing is unnecessary, Angela claims she and Joe "are dead inside"] Oh, no, don't worry about that. You are definitely not dead. You wanted to fuck the two of us. It just wasn't the right night. But what I don't understand is how you can even have sex with each other, 'cause you are so mean to each other. Because you... you do have sex with each other, right? [Joe and Angela body language confirms an absence of activity] When was the last time you two had sex? [Joe and Angela reveal a year ago] A year ago? Oh, my God! No wonder why you are so awkward... and horny... and weird. Do you know why you don't have sex? Angela, would you fuck yourself? [To Joe and Angela] Do you even remember a time when you were not miserable? [To Joe and Angela] Do you see how you keep blaming each other for your happiness? You made these choices. They're your choices. So much resentment. So much. Why are you in this marriage? [Joe and Angela refer to their daughter] Great. That's gonna be really, really great for her, um... 'Cause you think she doesn't notice, right? She doesn't feel this. You prefer that she grows up marinating in this horrible anxiety every day. What's better; to have happy parents who are separate or to have very miserable parents that stay together for their children? I think we only get a few chances for meaningful relationships in life. Usually, we move to different people. Sometimes, we can have a new relationship with the same person. It's up to you. But I think this relationship... is over. [Joe and Angela agree] But I'm not your therapist, so... [gets up] I think I'm talking too much. Hawk We LOVE a contentious environment. I'm warning you, once you try Piña's flan, there's no turning back. You'll be at our door late at night like a junkie under a bridge, saying; "We need a score", like, uh... heroin. Angela likes to be looked at naked in the window sometimes. [To Joe's inquiry over his nickname's origination] She got cancer. [Angela advises his right to "plead the fifth" ] It's a fair question, you know. How does Howard get to Hawk? So... [gestures] For Joe... Um... After she died, I... I was doing some things that were pretty suicidally stupid at work, and I was gonna get someone else killed along with me. And do you know how people say your life flashes before your eyes? I... I... That happened to me, but not my life, it was our life together. It went by me in this high-speed film. And I kept seeing this woman, this, like, very gentle, very shy, sweet girl who, like... She thought I hung the moon. And in the film, she... Over and over again, she tried to... open up about her fantasy life to me, to, you know, share this kind of sensual adventurous side of herself, so that I would enter into it with her, and... I didn't just, you know, resist it. I got really right and judgmental and insecure. And I... And I made her feel so bad about it that somewhere in that movies, she just stops... trying to connect with me at all. I suppressed her, you know? I... I shut her down her attempt to, like, live more boldly. Somehow, the universe puts me on this one's couch, and... she told me, you know, you got two choices. Go set yourself on fire for real, or change who you are and make yourself available. So, uh... I decided I really better change my name if I was gonna change my life. And so I did. Dialogue Angela: [Joe lies down in foyer after riding his bike] Shoes off, please. Joe: Will you please remind me, why you got me this bike? Angela: What? Joe: This bike. Why? Angela: Core strength. Spine health. Remember the doctor said... You were supposed to fold it! It folds! Joe: This thing is fucking impossible to fold! Do you know how hard this is to fold? It's supposed to be more comfortable than a normal bike. [Angela wheels bike away] It's way less convenient than a normal bike. Also, the wheels, they're so little. It's like I gotta pedal four times to get one normal wheel rotation out of it. Angela: [helps Joe up] You have to practice, maybe. Joe: Where is Maggie? Yo, Maggie! Angela: No, she's not here. Joe: Where is she? Angela: She's, uh... at a sleepover. Joe: Where? Angela: At Sadie's. Joe: I didn't know she was having a sleepover with Sadie's Angela: Oh, it was sort of last minute. Joe: Oh, God, Sadie is so strange, isn't she? I don't know if it's good that she's hanging around out with Sadie. Angela: I mean, she's fine. I called ahead. Sadie's mother is single. There are no men or weapons in the home. Joe: You called Sadie's mother to ask if she's single? Angela: Yeah, of course. Joe: Of course? Sadie's fucking crazy. [walks to dining area] Holy shit! My God, look at all this cheese! Angela: No! No, no... leave it...! Not yet! Joe: What is all this? What is that...? What is that smell? Angela: I'm making a soufflé. Joe: You're making a soufflé and there's two hundred pounds of cheese? Is there, like, an event? Are we expecting people? Angela: Our neighbors. Joe: Which neighbors? Angela: Our upstairs neighbors. I told you yesterday, remember? Joe: You have mentioned for some insane reason you want to invite them over. You for sure didn't tell me they were coming over tonight. Why didn't you ask me about this? Angela: I did. Joe: Oh, did you, sweetie? When did that happen? Angela: I told you yesterday. Joe: Well, telling me and asking me are actually two very different things. And if I'm being honest, I... I don't think even think you told me. Angela: It's not like you listen to anything that I say anyway. Oh, fuck, did you forget the wine? Joe: What wine? Angela: I... I texted you. I texted you about the wine. We don't have any wine. [Joe bites a pickle] What are you doing?! Stop! Joe: I'm eating a pickle! I couldn't have any cheese. I'm hungry. I'm eating a pickle, ok? Angela: Now you're not gonna eat my soufflé. Joe: Go eat your soufflé. Angela: And we have no wine. This is a nightmare! Joe: It's not a fucking nightmare. Angela: What? Joe: Nothing. Angela: Can you please just clean up your office? It's- it's just such an eyesore. Joe: Can you please call the neighbors and tell 'em to come another time? Angela: [appears in doorway] No. [walks away] Joe: "No." Angela: It's too late. They're coming in ten minutes. Joe: They're coming in ten fucking mi- Why didn't you tell me any of this?! Angela: Because we've been talking about them coming for six months, ok? And they've been so nice about all our noise from the renovation. Joe: "Our" noise?! Did you just say they've been nice about "our noise"?! That's nuts! You're making a soufflé for these people now?! What is happening here?! Angela: She said she wanted to see it. She just wants to see it now that it's done, and she's very nice. They're very, very... You know, they seem cool. And she just... She has, like, presence, and... She's so... She's so pretty. Joe: Yeah, she's fine. [she walks away and kneels in family room] But he is a fucking weirdo, ok? Every time I'm in the elevator with him, it's, like, blah, blah... nonstop. You know what I mean? Angela: That's just what people do. Joe: He's asking me questions, and he wants me to ask him questions. And the eye contact is off the charts. Angela: Yeah. That's called a conversation, Joe. Joe: [points] What is this? Angela: What? That's a rug. Joe: It's new. Angela: Yeah. Joe: Did you buy this rug because the neighbors are coming? Angela: Oh, my God! Joe: How much was this rug? Angela: You are so predictable. Joe: [gestures to self] I'm predictable? You bought a whole rug to impress strangers! Isn't that a little bit more predictable?! I could've seen that coming a mile away! Angela: No. Can we please do a reset? Joe: A what? Angela: Can you leave and come back in again? Joe: Is this from a podcast? Angela: Yes, it is. Does it matter? Joe: You physically want me to leave the apartment and come back in? Angela: Yes. Please do that for me. Joe: No, it's fucking silly! Angela: Joe, I'm asking you to just do that for me. Would that be ok? Joe: Fine. I will do that for you, ok? Angela: Great. Joe: Here we go. Angela: Thank you. Joe: Yeah. Thank you. This will fix everything. [steps out into hall, pauses, then comes back in apartment, lies down in foyer making small talk with Angela] Any, uh... Any plans for tonight? Angela: Yeah. Uh, our neighbors are coming over. Joe: Neighbors? Oh, man. I love them. Especially how chatty and inquisitive they are. It's so coll. They're super cool. But maybe you could call 'em and ask them to come another night, 'cause I'm just not feeling up for it tonight, you know? Angela: [appears] No. Joe: "No"?! Angela: No! Joe: What the fuck?! Angela: No. It would be rude. They're literally on their way! Joe: What do you mean; "rude"?! That's crazy! I thought we were gonna reset! Angela: Do did I! Joe: You said the same shit! Angela: So did you! Joe: Can we put curtains on this window?! [referring to an apartment across an alley] I don't like how they can see into our apartment! Angela: No, I like the light. [dreary music plays] I got this ham, 'cause she's from Spain, so, it's... it's not actually ham, it's jamón. Joe: I can't have any of this cheese? Angela: Please don't eat the cheese. I worked SO hard on that! Can you just wait, and then they'll come, and you'll eat cheese, and then you can go upstairs and smoke weed. Joe: I'd smoke weed in here if you let me. Angela: No, I won't because it gets stuck in the walls. Joe: You know what? I actually think it's really cool that they're coming over tonight. Angela: Why? Joe: Because... I can finally talk to 'em about the noise. Angela: [takes off shirt] No, Joe, we made a deal. Joe: What deal? Angela: That we weren't gonna say anything. Joe: Yeah. Well, you know what? I changed my mind. Angela: God! It's none of our business what they do in the privacy of their own home. Joe: [takes off shirt] None of our business that every night that we get waken up by floor-shaking animal fucking? How is that none of our business? How is that none of our fucking business?! Angela: [puts on shirt] She is having just spectacular orgasms up there. Are you aware of how difficult that is for a woman? Joe: Doesn't seem that hard for her! What, is she your role model now? Angela: Yeah, she's definitely my role model. Joe: She's your come role model? That's great! Angela: Yeah. Joe: Can we please just paint this room already? Angela: Well, we haven't picked a color, Joe, so no. Joe: [puts on shirt] It's the same color. Pick a color. Who cares? Angela: It's not the same color. Joe: Remember I almost said something to 'em in the elevator that day? I was so close to saying something. Oh, I wish I'd said something that day. Angela: I do. I remember that we decided we were not gonna say anything. Joe: Yeah, that's because I thought I couldn't get any worse. And you know what happened right after that is it got much, much... worse. They were gonna crash through the ceiling the other day! Angela: Joe! We are NOT saying anything! Joe: Why not? They're cool, right? You keep saying how cool they are. So, maybe if I bring it up, we can finally get to the bottom of whose orgasm is whose. Is he the whimperer and she's the growler, or is she the whimperer and he's the growler? Either way, I'll being it up, we'll laugh about it, and I'll them to knock it the fuck off! Angela: It's like you want everyone to feel uncomfortable. Joe: I'm the one who's uncomfortable. If our neighbors were waking us up every night at four in the morning by blasting music, and I said something to them, wouldn't that be completely reasonable? It's the exact same thing, but it's even more justified 'cause it's fucking! Angela: [throws bundle of clothes at Joe] Just don't say anything! Just not tonight! Please! Joe: [points] This shirt, is this also new? Angela: Yes. Joe: Well, it's nice. It looks... looks really good on you. Angela: Well, you could tell me that once in a while. [takes it off] Joe: I just did tell you that! Angela: God, I can't BELIEVE you forgot the wine. Joe: I didn't forget the wine! I'm on this collapsible bike like a fucking schmuck, and I can't answer text messages while I'm on it! Angela: [looks in fridge] Oh! Do we have anything nice to drink? Joe: No, there's nothing to drink. We should probably call them and tell them not to come over tonight. Angela: [holds bottle] Look, we have this, this thing. Is this weird? Joe: Yes, it's weird. What is this? New Year's? We're popping champagne with these people? Angela: It's fine, look. We'll pre-pop it, so by the time they get here, it's be, you know, fizzed out, and it'll just be like a sparkling wine. Joe: Can't you see this is obviously not a good time to have company? Angela: What the fuck do you mean? just made this whole soufflé! Did you see this thing?! [leans down to oven] Joe: Yes. Angela: Do you have any idea how hard I worked on this fucking thing? It's gonna be fucking beautiful if you'd just shut the fuck up! Joe: I'm gonna make this very simple. Either you tell 'em not to come, or I'm gonna bring up the screaming, groaning fucking noises. Angela: [pops champagne bottle] What? Was that an ultimatum? Joe: Yeah. The choice is yours. Angela: [pours a glass] I'm sorry. You're gonna bring up the fucking? Joe: Yeah. Angela: Mm. Mm-hmmm. Do you even understand how hard it is for a woman to come that hard? Joe: Yes, I do, 'cause you've mentioned it 100 times in the last 3 minutes. Angela: 'Cause I don't think you get it. I don't think you really understand how difficult it is. And if we say something, do you know what's gonna happen? Every time they fuck and she comes, they're gonna see our dumb faces. :Joe: That's not fair! Joe: I could not care less about anything in the world than this woman's fucking orgasm. Angela: I just wanted to have a nice night. I just wanted to have a nice, normal fucking night, [bites pickle] and you won't let me. Joe: These people are disrespecting us! They know we can hear them, can you not see that?! Angela: What are you talking about?! You sound like your father. Joe: No! That is not what this is! Angela: Yes, it is. Joe: They know we can hear them. They get off on it! Angela: No. Joe: They're fucking with us! They're perverts! Angela: They are not thinking about us! Joe: Well, maybe that's the problem! Maybe they should be! Angela: Why? Oh... You know what? We're not fucking canceling! Do you know why? We don't have friends! Joe: You mean I'll be friends with them? Are you kidding me?! Angela: Why not? Maybe. Joe: It's not my fault we don't have friends. Angela: I would love to have friends. Joe: People like me. Why do you think we don't have friends? Angela: I'll tell you why; 'cause we're fucking miserab- [scene cuts to film title card] Angela: [greeting Hawk and Piña] Yes, Joe. You remember Piña and Hawk? [Joe does thumbs up] Piña: This... It's still a good time? Angela: Yes. Yeah. Piña: Are you sure we're not interrupting? Angela: No, it's great. If it's good for you... Piña: Yeah. It's great for us. Yeah, we love... Angela: Yeah. Hawk: It just... It took you a while to come to the door, and it sounded like you were arguing. Piña: No filter. Hawk: No, I just wanna be honest. We were... We were at the door before we rang, and we could hear you were fighting. Angela: Oh, we were talk-... We were, um... Joe: We were fighting. Angela: We were fighting, yeah. Hawk: Bit of a contentious environment in here, so I understand if that's repellant to you. Joe: No hard feelings, you know what I mean? Hawk: [hand on chest] Completely understand. You know? We LOVE a contentious environment. We love it. Angela: Ok. Hawk: Well, really, really, it's fine. Joe: You hit the jackpot, then, my friend. You're in for a treat. Hawk: Ok? Angela: Yeah, great! Piña: Do we have to take our shoes off? Angela: Oh, God, no. No, no...! Piña: Yeah. Ok, great. Hawk: Hey... Hey, Joe. Piña: May I look at this place? Angela: Yeah, thank you. Hawk: Joe! [referring to shoes] Be honest, do you want us to take them off? Joe: I don't give a fuck if you take your shoes off, personally. Hawk: God... [chuckles] Joe: Hawk, is it? Hawk: Hawk, yeah. Yeah. Joe: Like the bird? Hawk: Yep, like the bird. Joe: Cool. [chuckles] This guy. Piña: We've been dying to see your apartment. Angela: Oh! Oh, God. I'm so sorry. We wanted to invite you. It wasn't quite ready before. Joe: Still isn't quite ready if you ask me. Hawk: Yeah, 'cause you mentioned it in the elevator, but then you never called. Piña: Yes. Hawk: We, uh... [Piña makes stop-talking gesture] What? No... I mean, we wondered if we did something wrong. Angela: No, God, no. No, no... No, I'm sorry, no. What do you... what you do you think? Piña: It's huge. Hawk: So much bigger now. Piña: It has such a nice flow. Hawk: You guys have money? [speaks Spanish with Piña] Just saying... You really... You really got some beautiful pieces. Joe: It's all Angela. Angela: Well, I know what I like, but it's not all expensive. Joe: Some of it is very expensive. Some of it. Angela: Most of it's not. Joe: Some of it is, though. Angela: Not everything. Joe: But some of it. Hawk: I guess what I mean to say is, you can tell that it's been done with a lot of care, and you really have a great eye. Piña: That's true. I... I can feel it. I feel you put so much love. Angela: I... I did that. Thank you, yeah. I... I love it. I do love it. I really care. I do. Thank you for saying that. Hawk: I can see it. Angela: I care. I do care a lot. I... [laughs, points to self] I'm so sorry. I'm getting emotional. I don't know why, but I thank you. Thank you for saying that. Piña: Yeah, it has... Hawk: ...great energy. [speaks Spanish with Piña] Sparks. Closed padlock. (¡Chispas! Candado cerrado) Angela: [points are Hawk and Piña] Oh! I... Joe: Wow! Look at that! Angela: Energy is what I was going for. That's what I wanted. Joe: Energy's great. We talked a lot about how to capture energy, as though that was a real thing we could do. Piña: Well, energy is everything. Joe: Really? Piña: Energy is everything. Kinetic, chemical, potential, nuclear, sexual. You cannot really create it or destroy it, but you can find ways to shape it. Angela: Hm. Hawk: Beautiful. You shaped it really beautifully here. I love the shape. Angela: Thank you. Piña: Too existential for you, Joe? Joe: No. Hey... Not existential enough for me. Let's get deep. What is life? Piña: Oh, that is my Spanish flan. Angela: [Hawk holds out pan mold] No! Oh, my God! Flan. Oh, how elegant. Hawk: Fair warning. Once you try Piña's flan, there's no turning back. You'll be at our door late at night like a junkie under a bridge, saying; "We need a score", like, uh... heroin. Angela: Ah, wow. Hmm. Piña: You might wanna to put it in the fridge. Angela: Yes. Yeah. Come... [they follow Angela to kitchen] Joe: Yeah, you want it refrigerated. Is it "flawn" or "flan"? Piña: Flan. Joe: Flan? Piña: Flan. Joe: Thought it was "flawn". Piña: Yes. [Angela takes out burnt soufflé from oven and dumps it in trashcan] Oh! Remember to... Angela: Yes! Right! I'm so sorry. I haven't... I literally haven't offered you anything to drink. I'm so... We have some beautiful sparkling... [pours glass] Joe: Hmm! Piña: Um, that... Angela: Or maybe you'd prefer... Piña: Wine. Hawk: Wine's better. Angela: Wine, wine. Joe: Yeah. Wine. Do we have wine? Angela: We do have wine. Joe: We doe have wine? Angela: Oh, we do. We have wine. Joe: Oh, wine. Angela: We have... We have the anniversary wine. Joe: Our anniversary wine? Angela: Yes. Joe: The wine my uncle gave us for our anniversary that we've been saving for a special occasion? Château Haut-Brion? Angela: Yes. Joe: 1980? Angela: Yes. [under breath] Get the wine! [To Hawk and Piña] We have... Joe: We do have wine. Angela: We've been waiting for the perfect moment. Hawk: Are you sure this is it? Angela: Yes! Yeah! Yeah, yeah. Yep. Yeah. Totally. [She gets a glass] Great! Finally! Yep. Mm-hmmm. Joe: [holds up wine bottle] There it is. 1982. Angela: Yeah. Joe: Château Haut-Brion. Angela: Perfect. Great. Hawk: You wanna save that for another time? Angela: Oh, my God, no! What time? This is it! Joe: No. Are you kidding me? Yeah. No time like the present, huh? Angela: Do you wanna open it? Joe: Of course. yeah. Um... yep. Angela: [Joe opens drawer] That's not where it is. Joe: It's usually in there. It should be in there. Angela: No, it's never been in there. Joe: Definitely, I... It should be in here. Angela: No, it's never been in there. Literally never been in there! Joe: Never been in there? Angela: It's not there. No, 'cause I never would've put it in there. That's not where it goes. Joe: Often is in there. Angela: It's literally never been there. Do you want me to do it? Joe: Got it! Angela: Sorry, we don't um... have people over very often. Do you want me to do it? Joe: I got it. Angela: Ok. Hawk: [Joe pops cork] Boom! Angela: My God! Piña: [claps] Bravo! Angela: Wow! Joe: Little bit of cork in there. Angela: Yeah... Hawk: I had confidence, Joe. Joe: Thank you. I knew I'd get there. Angela: Ah... Mm... Yeah. Piña: [Angela hands her a glass] Thank you so much. Angela: Yes. Great. Hawk: Sláinte. Piña: Salud. Hawk: Joe, thank your uncle. Joe: He's, uh... He's dead, so... Maybe next time. Hawk: Pretty weird guy. Piña: Oh, how is your daughter? Angela: Maggie? Piña: She is SO cool. Joe: She is cool. Yeah. She's great. Piña: I love her style. Joe: I know, right? She's awesome. Angela: Yeah, she's... She's amazing. I'm really gonna miss her. Joe: Where's she going? Angela: To college. Joe: In six years? She's She's twelve years old! Angela: Yeah, I know. But it's just... I'm gonna miss her, and I'm just gonna be alone. Joe: What about me? Where have I gone? Angela: I'm just saying it's gonna be... It's gonna be different. Joe: Do you know something I don't? Angela: No, I do not. I'm just saying, it... won't be the same. It's not gonna be the same. So... I'm sorry. I'm just, I feel like I'm becoming emotional again. Piña: Sorry for what? I mean, we would be crazy if we didn't cry. Angela: Yeah. Piña: You know, it's the best way to release the stress hormones, cortisol. Angela: Oh, I have a lot of that, then. That's what I do. Joe: She does. Angela: It's just... There's nothing in the world better than being a mom, you know? For... For some. but not everyone, because that... that isn't your path. You... You don't... Piña: [turns to Hawk] I mean, we talk about it. We think about it. Angela: Right. Hawk: Hasn't been a priority. Angela: Yeah. Hawk: No, no. Yeah, maybe. Piña: Yeah. Angela: Maybe Piña: That's great. Joe: You should probably decide sooner than later. Hawk: What? Joe: Whether or not you're gonna have children. Hawk: Why? Joe: You know, just due to age. Piña: Whose age? Joe: You know? I mean... Picasso had a baby when he was ninety, so... It's more... It's probably more the science stuff. Piña: Mm... science. Joe: Traditionally, the woman is... I didn't want to talk about it. Angela: Actually, I have something. [leads Piña to dining table] Joe: You know, time, she marches. Angela: Don't know if you saw it before, but this is just something, a gesture, to remind you of home [holds out paddle with deli meat] Uh, it's just a little, um... jamón. Piña: Oh, that is so sweet and I love how you say it. Can you say it again? Angela: Jamón. Piña: Oh, my God. It's so sweet, I will you eat YOU, instead of it! I cannot... I don't eat meat. Joe: Hmm? Angela: No? Piña: No. [refers to Hawk] He does. Hawk: I do. Yeah. Full carnivore. Angela: Cheese? Do you... We have so much cheese! Piña: No, I mean... no. For me, no cheese. Joe: You don't eat cheese? No... Hawk: She's a vegan. Piña: Inflammation. Hawk: Right, yeah. Angela: Oh, the crackers. Piña: I don't. Mm-mm. No, for me. For me, also no. No gluten, no dairy, no meat, no sugar. Joe: We got almonds. You want almonds? Piña: Ah... Hawk: You love almonds. Piña: I love almonds. Angela: Really failed on the meat, then, huh? Joe: Meat fail. Angela: Meat fail. Failed on the meat. It's ok. Hawk: I will eat Piña's meat. All your beautiful meat will get eaten. I'm starving. [asks to use bathroom and Angela directs him] Angela: Piña, what do you want to eat? Whatever you want, I can get it. I can order it. I can get it her so fast. Five minutes. They come on a bike. Anything, any cuisine you like. What do you like? Joe: She's fine. Piña: I don't want anything. Joe: Yeah, she's good. Piña: But I don't understand how you put all of this together so quickly. I mean, we only planned this morning. This is like magic. Joe: This morning? Really? Angela: Was it? Or... I think yes... yesterday morning. Joe: Just this morning? Piña: This morning. Joe: Not yesterday. Angela: Last... Last morning. Joe: This morning? Angela: Last morning. Joe: That's not an expression. Angela: This morning. Happened today. Just because the days, they... You know how they... Joe: They kind of blur into one. Piña: This morning. Joe: Yes, you know? [Angela is uncomfortable] Are you cold? What are you doing? What's happening right now? What are you doing right now? Angela: Am I ok? Joe: I don't know. Are you choking? Angela: I just feel a little... Am I ok? Joe: Are you choking right now? Angela: No, I... Angela: I get a little... Piña: This happens a lot? ... Piña: This could be the beginning of Perimenopause. Joe: What? Perimenopause? Piña: And it can be such a challenging, horrible time... Joe: Holy shit. Piña: And last more than ten years. Angela: Oh, God. Joe: Oh, my God. Great. Piña: Makes me so angry, how so many people still today talk about hot flashes as the only problem. Joe: I know. Piña: This is a serious, huge neuroendocrine change that affects everything- memory, cardiovascular health, metabolism- and we are expected just to deal with it. Just deal with depression, anxiety, brain fog, insomnia. Joe: Mood swings. Is that one of 'em? Yeah, yeah. Resentment towards your spouse. Overspending on home goods and cheeses. Abundance of charcuterie. [Angela stares in disbelief] Piña: I knew you were gonna make a joke about it. Joe: I am. I'm making a joke. I thought... Piña: Let me explain it to you in a different way. Joe: Ok. Piña: [holds up two olives] What if your testicles shriveled up and died, and your empty ball sack flopped around in the breeze for the next thirty years or so? [eats one] How would you like that? Joe: I wouldn't like that. Piña: No. You wouldn't. So, don't joke about it. Joe: Ok. Copy that. I won't. I get it. I'm sorry. Are you a doctor or something like that? Piña: I'm a psychotherapist. Joe: Ah. Piña: And a sexologist. Joe: Oh. "Sexologist"? Piña: And I also care about women. Joe: I, uh... care about women. Hawk: Hey, they got, uh... like, a whole music studio here. [Joe walks over] Angela: That's gonna... That's gonna be bad. Hawk: You the... you the piano player? Joe: No one plays that anymore. Hawk: Really? It's so nice. [Joe walks over and slams down piano key lid with a demented demeanor] No? Angela: Joe was in a band. Piña: Oh, really? In a band? Angela: Yeah, in a band. Piña: In a band? Angela: Hm-mmm. Hawk: Do we know you, and we just don't know we know you? Piña: No. No, definitely not. Hawk: Sure? Joe: [ushers Hawk out] Yes, I'm positive. Yeah. Angela: They might. Joe: Don't think so. Angela: No? Remember, The Onslaught? Joe: Yeah, The Onslaught. Angela: They had a song, uh... "One Girl". It was very big. Joe: "One Girl", yeah. Angela: It was really big in... two thousand and... Joe: Yeah, for one week. Angela: In two thousand and... Joe: 2008. Yeah. Piña: Were you the girl? Angela: I was, I was. Joe: Still is. Angela: Technically. Joe: Technically, still. Angela: [picks up flower vase] Yes. I was the girl. Piña: What kind of music? Joe: Well, it's like pop, punk, indie... It's like... It's not, uh... It's... It's a dead genre. Hawk: Can we listen to it? Joe: No. Hawk: But, I mean... You know, can we... Can you find it on Spotify? Joe: No. Piña: Do you ever play live? We could come see you. Joe: Yeah, you kind of missed that window by a few decades, unfortunately. Angela: Joe plays... He actually teaches music now. Joe: Yeah. Hawk: Where? Joe: East Bay. Hawk: Like, Berkeley? Joe: No. East Bay Music. It's a small conservatory. Angela: It's an amazing school. Joe: It's fine. It's a fine school. Hawk: You're a music professor? Joe: Associate. Hawk: Wow. That's really cool. Joe: It's fine. Hawk: I'm sorry. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I'm sorry. Angela: What is the... Hawk: [starts kneeling down] Oh, come on. Piña: Ah, la alfombra. (The carpet) Joe: What is going on here? Hawk: This rug. Where's you get it? Piña: He is obsessed with carpets. Angela: Oh! So am I. Hawk: I love rugs. Piña: Joe not so much. Joe: Not so much. more into credenza, sconces, things like that. Hawk: Holy shit, I thinks it's a Heriz. Angela: No! And it's... Hawk: Where did you get this? Angela: I got it at a flea market. Hawk: A flea market? No, you didn't. Angela: I did. Hawk: No, you didn't. Angela: I just liked the colors. Hawk: You did? Well, you found a Van Gogh in a garage sale. Angela: I did? Joe: Wow, look at that. But it's a rug, so... Hawk: No, it's not. It's a Heriz. Angela: It's a Heriz. Joe: Rug. Angela: [stares at Joe] Hmm. Hawk: But, you didn't pay a fortune for this? Angela: I did not. Hawk: You swear? Joe: It's a rug. Hawk: Wow. You have a gift. I mean... And that's, like... wow! [lies down] I wanna take off my clothes and just lie naked on it. Angela: Do it. Hawk: Can you imagine the things this carpet has seen? Angela: So many stories. Hawk: It's really, like... really cut it. An incredible, incredible vibe. Joe: Good energy. Hawk: Wow! Really good energy. Yeah. Piña: He did our entire apartment. It's so beautiful. You have to come over. Hawk: And we really mean it, unlike you, Joe. Joe: Ha, ha, ha. Very funny. Are you an interior designer or something? Hawk: What? Oh, thank you. No. Piña: No. He is a fireman. Hawk: Firefighter, we say. Firefighter. Joe: You're a firefighter? You're not a... You weren't a firefighter. Piña: Yeah, he was a fire captain. Joe: You were a fire captain?! Angela: Captain Hawk? Joe: "Captain Hawk"! No, you weren't! Angela: Oh, my God. Joe: You're not Captain Hawk! That's bullshit! Hawk: Why? Joe: "Why"?! You don't seem like a firefighter! Hawk: What does a firefighter seem like? Joe: They're brawnier! They're brawnier! They have moustaches. Hawk: What do you mean? Joe: They're brawnier! Piña: ¿Qué es eso de "Brawny"? Hawk: Fuerte. Fuerte. Joe: More fuerte. More fuerte. Angela: He's very fuerte. Joe: He's pretty fuerte, although he could be more fuerte. I don't know if he's fireman fuerte. Hawk: I was more fuerte in the beginning, but I was, you know... I got to my pension. I just decided I'd had enough and kind of gave up my hose for the command job, and then... Joe: Thank God. Hawk: I retired and just started pursuing my other interests and new adventures. Piña: Now he's studying roofing. Angela: Roofing. Beautiful. Hawk: The adventure of roofing. No, sorry. Rolfing. Rolfing. Piña: That's what I said. Angela: Rolfing. Hawk: Rolfing. Say it again. Piña: No. Hawk: Say it again. [they converse in Spanish] Joe: You're a masseuse now. That's cool. You gonna work in the Four Seasons? Hawk: No, no. Rolfing's a... It's a much deeper modality. It.. It... It's challenging for both parties, really. But, um... yeah, to be healing. I'm almost certified. You wanna jump on my table, Joe? Joe: [Angela stares at Joe] Never in a million years. Hawk: Yeah... I really love you, Joe. Joe: What do you love about me, Hawk? Hawk: I like how honest you are about what you're feeling. Joe: Well, in the pursuit of honesty. Angela: [stands up] Who wants a house tour? Would you like to see more? There's so much more. Hawk: I do. Angela: Great. Hawk: Yeah. I definitely do. Angela: Yeah. Joe: I'm actually gonna smoke a joint. I've seen the place. Angela: What?! Now?! Joe! No! Piña: Can I come with you? Joe: Really? Piña: Yeah. Can I? Joe: Sure. Totally. Angela: You gonna go up to the roof? Joe: I thought I'd just, you know, maybe go in my office. That's cool, right? Unless you have a problem with that. Angela: No. Yeah. Yeah. Joe: Cool. Right? Angela: Cool. Joe: Yeah. Angela: Cool. Joe: Yeah. Angela: So, yeah. Joe: Yeah. Cool, right? Angela: Cool. Joe: Let's go. Angela: Uh... Do you wanna open a window 'cause... you know. Joe: Yeah, sure. Angela: Great. Joe: [in office] A lot of stuff in here. Hawk: [to Angela] What do you got other than this? Angela: You saw this. Hawk: Copenhagen Designs. Angela: Oh, if you like... Let's... here. We'll start in here. I wanna show you... Piña: You spend a lot of time in here. Joe: I do. You can tell? Piña: Yes, I can. Joe: Yeah, it's... it's a little messy, um, you know, usually alone in here. [chuckles then lights Piña's joint] There you go. [chuckles] There you go. Piña: But chaos. Biggest sign of creativity. Joe: Really? Good. Great. Piña: It means you're focused on more important things. Joe: Oh, you know, that's... That's how I like to think of it. Not sure... [opens window] Not sure Angela would agree with that. She purges things. Disgusting in here. Piña: I actually did all of this grouting myself, which I love. I.. I find it meditative. Joe thinks I'm insane. Angela: [standing in bathtub] And then the floor... I mean, I'm sure this is something you might have picked up. Hawk: No. Angela: No? Original ceramic penny tile. Hawk: Wow. Angela: Anyway, that was sort of similar to what was there before. But that was kind of what I was going for with the... The whole theme was, um... renovation without change, which I think I succeeded in, you know, just to keep it original, but with a new surface. Hawk: I mean, admittedly, I know a lot less about tile than I've learned about rugs, and a lot of the bathrooms that I've seen have been on fire, so, my... Angela: Oh, no. Hawk: My relationship with them was fleeting. But, um, I'd have just said this was an immaculately preserved vintage... bathroom. Angela: Wow. Um, that's what I was going for. That's... Hawk: You fooled me. Angela: Wow! Oh! Facebook marketplace. Hawk: Come on. Piña: The jamón is not... is not jamón. Joe: That's not jamón? Piña: No, it's really prosciutto. Joe: It's prosciutto? Piña: Which is ok. It doesn't look like jamón. Joe: It looks like prosciutto. Piña: But I didn't wanna say anything. Joe: No, yeah, don't. If you told her that wasn't jamón, [Piña laughs] she would commit suicide in our dining room. [Piña laughs] I'm telling that right now. [Piña laughs] She can't take it. She could not take that. More? You good? Piña: Like, I... I don't wanna more because then... If I have more than one hit, I start counting objects, and I can't stop, and imagine what that would be like in here. Joe: You start objects? I've never heard of that! We'd lose you for the rest of your life. Piña: Exactly. Exactly. [holds xylophone stick] What is this? Joe: It's... It's for a xylophone. [Piña starts tapping on a lampshade] Exactly. you figured it out. It's intuitive, ultimately. There's only one of those, so you're ok. Figure it out. [chuckles] Angela: This is actually, um... This is where the two apartments were combined. And you can just see the... 'cause it's a bit thicker there, that, that's where they, um... where there used to be a separation. Hawk: A wall. Angela: Wall! That was... what they call a wall. The technical term is "wall". Hawk: We literally are just that much, so... Angela: Oh, right, 'cause you guys are... Hawk: Yeah, yeah. It's lucky. Angela: Huh! Well, so, this is Maggie's room, and I actually did... I did all the stenciling, and she's probably a little old for it now. I'm probably gonna have to change it, but I... Hawk: No, it's cute. Angela: Yeah, it's... Yeah. The carpeting is... [Hawk picks up framed photo] Oh! Hawk: Wow. Angela: Oh. Hawk: God. That's so good. Angela: Oh! Hawk: Is that, like, Larry Salton? Angela: Oh, no, no... That, that is me. Hawk: You took it? Angela: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Hawk: Wow! Do you work as a photographer? Angela: No. No, I went to art school, like, a million years ago, and I got a degree I did literally nothing with, and that is from then. Hawk: I mean, I think... you know, you... Your creativity is all over this place. I think you're really talented. Angela: Thank you. Hawk: What about this? Angela: Oh, that's, no, 'cause that... That's the bedroom, which is... Hawk: What's going on here? Angela: Yeah. No, I know, I didn't... I didn't... It's not part of the tour. Hawk: It's a pretty important room. Angela: Yeah... Yeah. Piña: Yes. He's a fireman. Joe: He's really a fireman? Yeah. How long have you been with him? Piña: Uh... one year. A little less than one year. Joe: One year. That's it? Piña: Mm. Joe: Oh, wow. Would've thought longer. Piña: I was married before. Joe: Really? Piña: Yeah. Joe: Interesting. How did you meet the fireman? Piña: He was my patient. Joe: He was your patient? And then you started dating him? Piña! Angela: [Hawk is sitting on bed] This was Joe's parents' house. Hawk: Oh, wow. Angela: Yeah. Hawk: He grew up here? Angela: He grew up here. Yeah. he was conceived right here. Hawk: On this bed? Angela: No! No, no, different bed. Hawk: Oh, good. Yeah. Angela: Different mattress. Different bed. Hawk: Parental fluids is, like, a little bit too intimate, maybe. Angela: I mean, he hates... hates people knowing this, so don't... Hawk: Why? Angela: Because, I mean, we could never in a million years afford this place. Hawk: No shame in that. Like, nobody in America can afford anything. Angela: Yeah, but he just... He really... It's a bit... eezzz! Hawk: That's crazy. Angela: Yeah, it's not a... Hawk: It's such a gift. I mean... Just... Angela: Well, that's what I think. Hawk: Make it positive, you know? Angela: Yeah. Hawk: Be grateful and lean into it. make it your own, you know? Angela: Yeah. Hawk: So much pleasure in that. Angela: Yeah... Yeah. Can I ask you something? Hawk: Sure. Angela: I just... I have a... I have a decision to make, and I... I feel like you might be able to help me make it. Hawk: I mean, if I can, yeah. Joe: Wait, did you leave your husband for Hawk? Is that what happened? Piña: No, no, no. I didn't. That relationship was over when I met him. Joe: How did you know that, uh... it was over, if you don't mind me asking? Piña: 'Cause we stopped having sex, then we stopped talking. Then we were strangers. People... People forget that they deserve more. You know? They start living on [rubbing fingers on both hands] migajas. Crumbs. Joe: Crumbs. Yeah. Piña: And I cannot live like that. I'd rather die. Hawk: I think you really just have to listen to what is your heart kind of pulling you toward. You know? I mean, do you see yourself walking on a cold beach alone with the wind in your face and the clarity of that? Or sitting on a southern porch in the heat, holding hands and getting old... [squints eyes and tilts head] or... sitting in a Copenhagen café with a stranger? I'd go with Copenhagen. Angela: I feel the same way. I... For some reason, I knew that you would feel that. It seems so clear now that we're here looking at it. I, uh... You're so right. It's... It was right there the whole time. God! Thank you. Hawk: You didn't need an opinion. Angela: I did, though. I needed you. Hawk: You just needed... Angela: No, you don't understand. It's been months of this. I've been tortured, and... Hawk: You just needed someone to tell you what you already knew. Angela: Yeah. Joe just... He thinks they all look the same. He... Yeah. Hawk: Is... Is he color blind? Angela: He might be. Joe: That man's name is Hawk. Piña: [holds finger to lips] Shh! Joe: There's worse birds. Could've been worse. Just know that at the end of the day, of all the birds, it's a pretty cool one. Piña: "What is your name"? "My name is Pigeon". Joe: "I'm Pigeon". [chuckles] Piña: [holds finger to lips] Shh! No, I... Please, this is torture. I cannot laugh at his name. Joe: I'm sorry. How dare I? "This is my boyfriend, Pelican. He's a sweetheart". Hawk: And I grabbed a tank, and I went back in, and the dog was where they said it would be. And that's when I ran out of air because I had grabbed an empty tank. Angela: Oh, God! Oh, no. Hawk: Yeah. So, I just... I sucked a lot of smoke, and I burned my lungs and my throat. Angela: Oh, wow. Wow. Hawk: And then it was time to quit. Angela: Yeah. Hawk: Yeah, yeah. But... you know what? Life's been so expansive since then that I kind of can't believe that I did it as long as I did it. Angela: And now... rugs. Hawk: Rugs. Angela: Rugs. Hawk: Yeah. I love them so much. Angela: I love them, too. Hawk: it's a problem. Angela: Yeah, I know. Hawk: 'Cause I... I just want all of them. Angela: I want all... the rugs. Hawk: The rugs. Angela: Same. Hawk: Yeah. Have you... Have you got tequila? Angela: Do... I do have tequila! I have. Would you like some? Hawk: Yeah. Angela: Yes. Ok. Yeah, yeah. [walks and leads Hawk] Hawk: Yeah. Please. I mean... They're smoking a joint. Angela: Right? Hawk: Yeah. We better catch up, right? Angela: Yeah. I'm just gonna go to the bathroom real quick. [takes a xanax ] Piña: [admiring Joe's arm tattoos] These are beautiful! Joe: Thanks. They're silly. They're old. They're, uh... Piña: No, they are beautiful. They are interesting. Joe: Thank you. Yeah. Appreciate it. Piña: Look, I have this one. Joe: Oh, wow, nice! Sun. Piña: I... I have this one. [rolls up sleeve and Hawk observes them from window] Sorry, I want you to see... Joe: Take your time. Piña: They're two in one, or... Yeah. [pulls down sweater collar] Joe: Oh, wow! Piña: Ok. What is that? Joe: It's two birds. Piña: Piña and Hawk. Joe: "Piña and Hawk"! [chuckles] Look at that! That's nice. I like that. Piña: So, when did you get them? When you were in that band? Joe: I did, yeah. Pretty old. Long time ago. Twenty... Twenty year ago, maybe. Hawk: [looking up window ad Angela leaves bathroom and he points up] That's, uh... Angela: Oh! Hawk: Yeah. Angela: Wow. Hawk: You know, um... you should replace this. It's really dangerous. This old single-pane stuff. It'll shatter with even a little bit of heat. Angela: Oh, there's no risk of that. This is a very cold apartment. There's not a lot of... Hawk: mm. Angela: There's not a lot of heat. Hawk: You never know. [points] Tequila Angela: Tequila. Hawk: Yeah. Angela: Yes. Tequila. Piña: Can you do something for me? Joe: Probably. Yeah. Piña: Please play something. One song. Just one. I love music. Please. Please. Joe: I... I... I should check on Angela. [gets up] Make sure she didn't forget how to breathe. [walks away] You know what I mean? Piña: [Joe is in kitchen with Angela getting cups] Joe, have you met the new neighbors. Joe: Yeah... They're really cool, actually. Yeah. They, uh... make no small talk whatsoever in the elevator. Hawk: They talk with us. Joe: Oh, they do? I bet they do. That's shocking Hawk: They're pretty when you get to know them Angela: Joe, put on some music. Joe: Yeah! Putting it on. Uh, yeah, what kind of music are you into, Hawk? Hawk: Like... what is Sade? Joe: "What is Sade"? Hawk: She loves that. Joe: Sexy-world-funk. Hawk: That's not jazz? Joe: No! No, that's not jazz. I mean, there's a lot of saxophones. No, Sade is not jazz. Are you kidding me? t's like... Hawk: Well, listen, then... Metallica and Judas Priest. Joe: You don't know any jazz at all? Oh, who doesn't love Sade? Hawk: I really wanna learn. Where should I start? Joe: Miles Davis. John Coltrane. Diazzy Gillespie. Hawk: Miles with the cheeks that go out? Joe: Actually, I feel like at this point in your life, you have to work harder to not know who Miles Davis is than you know who he is. Hawk: [Holds up vinyl record of "The Onslaught - One Girl"] Oh! Oh! He-Hey! Literally, look what I just pulled. Joe: No, no, no. Piña: You have to play it. Hawk: Can we play just a... "One Girl" Piña: Play it. Play it. Hawk: Come on. This is your love story right here. Joe: No! No, no... Hawk: Yes, I want to hear it. Joe: Don't put it on. Hawk: Come on. Joe: Don't put it on. Hawk: Just give us a taste. Joe: Don't put it on! Hawk: We've got the artist and we've got the girl. [Joe turns off vinyl player] No? Joe: No. Hawk: Hey, sorry. I'm sorry. Joe: You know what? Um... We actually shouldn't listen to music right now. There's something I've been wanting to talk to you about. Angela: Oh, my God. [Shoves a spoon into Joe's mouth] You have to try this. Joe: Wow! Angela: Isn't that good? Oh, my God. Joe: It's incredible. Piña: I can't be objective, but my flan is the best. Angela: It's unbelievable. Hawk: Like a silky crack cocaine. Joe: It's good. It melts in your mouth. Angela: Yeah, it's so delicious. Joe: Anyway, I was about to say... Angela: [shoves another spoonful into Joe's mouth] No! My God! Have more! Mm! Second bite is when it really just... settles in, just slides down. Joe: It's great. Look, anyway... Angela: [shoves another spoonful into Joe's mouth] God, it's got such sauce in it! [Joe shoves her away] Joe: I need to talk to you about... Angela: Let's have shots, right? Should we do shots? I think we should have a toast. Hawk: Sure. Angela: Yes. [hands glasses to Hawk and Piña] I think shots for everybody. Piña: [takes glass] Thank you. Hawk: Yeah. Joe: Anyway, the noise has been a thing that... Angela: We want to apologize for. Because it's been loud, and it took longer... It took longer than we thought, and you guys have been so kind, and we just wanted to say thank you and sorry. [hands over glass] Hawk: [takes glass] You're so nice. Look... We're all neighbors... Angela: Yes. Hawk: And we really... [drinks shot] Salud. Piña: Salud. And gracias. We're just so happy that you invited us and grateful. And actually, we also have something we wanted to talk to you about. Joe: You also want to talk to us? That's a funny coincidence. Angela: About what? Hawk: We both had things we wanted to say to each other. Piña: It's nothing bad. Nothing bad. Angela: No? Hawk: I think something's on Joe's mind. Joe: I do have something on my mind. I actually do. Angela: What do you want to say? Or no? I'm not...? Hawk: I feel like since we came... Piña: It's now your ground. Angela: You guys have something. No, they have something to say. You guys should go. Hawk: Say it. We're all friends. Angela: No, you first! You are the guests and you should go first. Joe: You guys go, then I'll go right after. I don't care. it doesn't matter to me. Hawk: All right. Well, um... we wanted to apologize. Piña: Yes. Joe: You wanted to apologize? Angela: To us? For what? Piña: We feel we might have bothered you. Angela: Bothered us? Piña: On more than... more than one occasion, actually. Angela: What? When? Hawk: Um... at night, usually, and specifically, and sometimes late in the night. Angela: What? Hawk: Uh, when we have sex. Angela: You? Hawk: yes. Piña: We... We do have sex a lot. Hawk: A lot. Angela: Yeah. I mean, yeah. Piña: And we really try to keep it down, but sometimes... Hawk: Lately... Piña: Lately, it's been... It's been really impossible not to lose control. Angela: Even for a fireman. Joe: Firefighter. Angela: Firefighter. Hawk: We know we've been too loud and we know it was intrusive, and we're sorry. And we're gonna be... more conscientious. Piña: Yes. Better neighbors. Angela: Oh, my God! No! You guys don't have... No! We have not heard anything! Honestly, we haven't heard anything. We... It hasn't even... What? [looks to him] Right, Joe? We haven't heard anything, right? Joe: No, we actually haven't heard anything, so... No need to apologize. I... I sleep like a log, you know? Piña: Log... Joe: Yeah. Hawk: Joe. Joe: What? Hawk: Joe? Joe: Yes? Hawk: Joe... Joe: What? [Hawk speaks Spanish with Piña] What, Hawk? Hawk: Joe. Joe: What? Hawk: Don't... don't lie. Joe: Not lying. Hawk: Joe, you've been telling the truth all night. [hand on chest] I... I love when you tell the truth. I... I love it. Tell the truth. You're not telling the truth. Joe: I am telling the truth. Piña: Joe. Joe: What? Piña: We know. It bothers you. Joe: It doesn't bother me. It doesn't. Look... Don't... I hate to burst your bubble. Maybe your sex isn't as explosive as you think it is 'cause I've never heard it, ok? Piña: Joe, we know. You knocked on our door during the night. Hawk: Joe! You were pounding on our door. Joe: No, I didn't. Piña: We saw you. we have a ring camera. Joe: No. No, you don't. Piña: It's hidden. Joe: Where? Piña: In our mirilla. Hawk: In our peephole. Piña: The peephole. Joe: They don't make that. Hawk: It's a ring peephole. Joe: That's not a thing. Hawk: It's a new thing. Joe: When did that come out? Hawk: A peephole ring. Piña: Show him. Show him. Do you wanna see it? Joe: [Hawk holds out phone] I don't need to see it. Hawk: [Angela gets up] It sends an alert through the app to our phone, and, um... you know, it flags it if it sense aggression, [Angela stands behind Hawk watching phone] and so it spooked us at first. But look, um... there. There he comes. Joe: Maybe it's grainy footage and you think it's me. Hawk: It's 4K. It's not misty at all. Look, look. Joe: Someone that looks like me, but it's not... [Hawk turns phone around to Joe] Oh, shit! Hawk: Yeah. Piña: Sorry, Joe. Hawk: He almost walked away, but... Joe: You cannot turn it off. Angela: [mouths] I can't believe you. I can't believe you! Piña: Well, it's good. It was three in the morning. Hawk: You were do polite that you stopped to heed and listen... Angela: What are you doing? Hawk: Closely. But then, uh... Angela: Oh, my God. Joe! Hawk: Someone left packages in the hall. Angela: Oh, my God! Piña: We thought you broke and arm and you had to be full of bruises. Joe: Just turn it o- Turn it- Look! Ok, you know what?! Yes, yes! I banged on your door because you people are fucking like monsters over there! [Angela kneels down to table with hands over face] What are you doing?! What are you trying to prove?! Are you trying to win a contest or something?! It's incredibly inconsiderate! Angela: [looks up] What are you doing?! Don't say that! Don't speak to them that way! [To Hawk and Piña] I'm so sorry! Joe: Our daughter can hear it. Did you know that? She can hear it! And I've been telling you're moving furniture up there, and she knows it's not true! She's onto me! We spend so much time and energy talking about your FUCKING ORGASMS! It's ridiculous! Piña: You talk about my orgasms? Angela: Yes, but not as a bad thing! They're not bad! They're great! I love them! Piña: Really? You love my orgasms? Angela: I do. I love them. Joe: She really does. Angela: I do. I think they're great. Joe: We talk about them constantly. Angela: They're amazing. Joe: She especially like the growler. Are you the growler, Piña? 'Cause she loves the growler. Hawk: No, no... Piña's not a growler. Angela: Oh, you're the growler? Hawk: No. Uh... Piña: It's Vanessa. Vanessa is the growler. Joe: Vanessa? [walks around] Angela: Vanessa... Wait, who's Vanessa? Piña: A friend. Angela: Oh, yeah. Hawk: Kai is a pretty big guy and he does breathe heavily. That could be what you're calling animalistic noises. Joe: Kai. Angela: Kai is... Joe: Who's Kai? Piña: Another friend. Joe: Oh, Kai's another friend. Vanessa and Kai. Hawk: Vanessa lives in Nevada City with Kai. Joe: Are you fucking with us right now? Is this a joke? Are you guys fucking around with us? [points] Is this what you're whispering to each other in Spanish? Piña: No. We know you are upset and you have every right to be. We've had a few parties. Things have gotten a little more crazy. Hawk: Out of hand. Angela: Parties. Like, cocktail parties? Joe: Soirées? What are you talking about? Angela: What parties? Hawk: Sex parties. Angela: Oh... Joe: Sex parties! Angela: Right. That's like, uh... Joe: Parties where people... Angela: ...have sex. Joe: Have sex with each other. Angela: Sex. Hawk: I think... that's the commonly understood definition of a sex party. Joe: It's the only one I can think of. Honestly. I can't think of another one. Piña: And we really apologize. Angela: No. What? No, you don't have to. That's no... No, we're not judging. That's you don't... Joe, where's that J? Joe: That J? Angela: The J you were... Did you leave that in there? Joe: The J? I... It is in my office. Angela: Ok, I'll help you. Joe: Why don't you come with me to... Angela: Yeah, no problem. Joe: To get that J? Yeah. Angela: Oh, my God! Oh, my god... [in office] This is amazing! They're having sex parties up there! Joe: I was right. That wasn't normal sex. Angela: You knew it. You knew it. Joe: They are fucking like monsters up there. They actually are. Kai, Vanessa... This is amazing. This actually amazing. Oh, my God. Angela: Vanessa's the growler. I take it all back. We should invite more people over. [walks back to Hawk and Piña] Hawk: Hello. Joe: We good? Hawk: Yeah. Piña: Ok. [Joe and Angela sit] Hawk: Sex parties. Joe: Yeah, the sex parties. Angela: Just.. paint a picture. Joe: Disclose what you will about this. Piña: What do you want to know? Angela: Whatever you wanna tell us. Yeah. Piña: They... They started recently. Joe: Ok. Really? Angela: Oh! Oh... It's a recent development. Joe: It's new to you. Neat. Hawk: The noise uptick probably came to you 'cause once we started bringing people in, our bedroom was too small, so we moved into the living room. Angela: Overflow. Yeah. Joe: I got it. That's why the sound kind of reverberates- Angela: Wait. Joe: -through the apartment. Angela: And it's happening just right on the floor? Hawk: No, uh... Furniture, Piña: Sofa. Hawk: Rugs... Joe: That's why you're so into rugs! Angela: [points] You love a rug. Joe: I love this for different reasons. That's why you have a close relationship with them. Hawk: This really would be pretty uncomfortable. Joe: Yeah, you need a high pile, I imagine. Angela: Ok. Wait! Just... more! So, how... How does it work? Like... Like, how do you get invited? Or do you invite people, and... Maybe there's no rules. Are there rules? Joe: Parameters? Angela: Can anyone do anything to anyone? Joe: Is it a free for all? Hawk: No. For starters, you've gotta have consent, obviously. Angela: Oh, yeah. Joe: Enthusiastic consent. Piña: And the connection has to be about joy, about expansion. It can never be about anger, never about revenge. Hawk: And patience. Piña: Patience. Hawk: Because, you know, some people, they gotta find their own entry point. Joe: [point] Entry point. Angela: Well... How did it begin? Joe: Yeah. Angela: Yeah, like, take us back. Joe: Yeah, what's day one of this like? Piña: I've always been bi-curious. Angela: Mm. Piña: For me, the pleasure I get from being with a woman is different. Angela: Yeah. Joe: Mm... me too. Angela: Right. Piña: And then Kai and... Joe: Valerie. Angela: Va... Vanessa! Joe: Vanessa! Angela: Were you guys friends, or did you... Did you meet on an app? Hawk: We're pretty negative on the apps. Joe: Really? Interesting. Hawk: Swipe right, swipe left. It just seems very impersonal. Joe: Yeah, it's impersonal. Angela: Yeah. Joe: You don't want to gamify. Angela: Sure. Hawk: We like to meet people in person, like, [gestures] eye to eye, like, organic, real connection, you know? There are conventions. Angela: Oh, yes. that's good. Because you do, you need rules. You need some boundaries. Hawk: No, no, I mean... there are actual conventions. Angela: Oh, wow. Joe: Like at a Sandals? Hawk: [points] Yes. Joe: Oh, wow. Angela: That's amazing. Piña: Conventions are very important. They also offer you a menu. Joe: Oh, a menu! Piña: A menu. A menu of things you're into. Angela: That's good. I like it's organized. I like a menu. Joe: You do love a menu. Angela: That's nice. Joe: You do like organization. Angela: That's great. Piña: When you engage with someone, you already know what they want. They have already sent their preferences in advance. Angela: It's like "Below Deck". Joe: It's like a preference sheet on "Below Deck". It's a reality show. Angela: It's not. Joe: It's about yachts. Angela: You're speaking our language. Joe: We get it. Angela: We get it now. Hawk: Honestly, I think maybe the best thing about group sex is, it forces total clarity of communication. Joe: Not the best thing, I wouldn't imagine. The sex is probably better. Hawk: The clear communication. Joe: Yeah, that's what I would probably expect. What happens if no one picks you? It's like gym class, you get chosen last, you gotta jerk off alone in the corner or something? Angela: No! Joe: [puts up hand] I feel like that's be me. Angela: No! Piña: It's not like that. Don't worry. You would be chosen. Angela: Yeah, you'd get picked! Joe: But yeah, how does that work? Hawk: No, no one gets excluded. You know? I mean... Obviously, anyone's free to watch if they don't want to participate. Angela: All right, but... jealousy! No one gets...? You don't... You don't get jealous? There's no jealousy? Hawk: I think jealousy is a natural animalistic instinct, but you have to replace it. Piña: You have to practice compersion. Joe: Compression? Piña: Compersion. Joe: Compersion? Angela: Compersion. Piña: Compression is all about finding joy in the joy of others. Joe: Wow! That would be... great. Angela: Hard to wrap your head around. Piña: And for me, there's nothing better than watching my partner in the hands of another. Angela: Wow! Beautiful. [Hawk and Piña kiss] Oh, God. That's nice. Joe: Super nice. Angela: Wow. So healthy. Joe: I feel healthy just seeing it. Angela: That's... And, you know, I love this. I love that it's you and your friends. It's like the four of you get together. :Joe: Four is such a good number. Angela: Yeah, it's round. Hawk: Sometimes... Piña: No more than six. Joe: Six? Angela: Six people? Joe: Six is a lot. [points up] That's why it's so loud up there. Angela: Yeah... six. Joe: Yeah. Hawk: We did go bigger last weekend. Piña: That doesn't count because it was a special occasion. Hawk: It was Vanessa's birthday. Angela: Wow! Well, a birthday's a birthday. Joe: Gotta celebrate the good things in life, I guess, right? Piña: Yeah, and she wanted to have ten people, so... Joe: Ten people! Are you fucking kidding me?! Holt shit! Oh, my God! Angela: Ten? Hawk: We rented a house in Bolinas. Angela: Oh, nice! Hawk: Really nice. So foggy, and... Joe: Really lovely, yeah. Hawk: We were so energized. Piña: So energized. Hawk: You feel superhuman. Honestly, it was... Piña: It was a high. It was, for me, the best in my life. Hawk: It was the best experience that we've had. It really was. Joe: Wow. Angela: God! Joe: Wow. God bless you. Angela: Vanessa must be great. Joe: Yeah. Angela: Is she just, like... I'm imagining just like a... like a ball of youthful energy. Is she just, like, young Hawk: No, Vanessa's very mature. Joe: She's old? Hawk: No, I wouldn't say she's... Piña: Well, she's... Joe: That means she's really old if you don't know. Angela: She's old. Hawk: No... Angela: Older... Joe: Next time you're in there, count the rings. Hawk: A veteran in our group. She's the most experienced person in our... Joe: She's an oldie, but a goodie. Piña: I've learned so much from that woman. She knows everything about the depth of tantric sex. Angela: Oh. Joe: Not jizzing. Hawk: Like Sting. She got me to hold onto my chi. Joe: Wow. Hawk: She pushed us into anal. Angela: Pushed you into anal? Hawk: Into anal. It's not for anybody, but... Joe: I hope she pushed you gently. Hawk: We did really like it. Piña: I do love anal. Angela: Yeah. Who doesn't? Who doesn't love anal? Joe: Holidays, weekends... Angela: Special occasions. Joe: Yeah. Piña: But I love giving it. Joe: Oh! Piña: And I don't wanna speak for him, but he LOVES receiving it. Joe: Oh! Hawk: I actually do. I get a lot of value of it. Angela: [points] Pegging! That's Podcast! That's what that is, right? You wear a... Joe: A strap-on. Angela: Oh, wow! Cool. Hawk: Vanessa likes a hand held device. Joe: Wow. Piña: But it's not really about penetration. Joe: I mean, it's a little. Piña: No, it's not really about penetration. It's about surrender. Joe: Oh. Angela: Yeah, you just gotta surrender that body. Piña: 'Cause sex is not a thing you do. It's a place you go. Joe: Is the place Hawk's butthole? Piña: Sometimes. Joe: On birthdays. Angela: Wow! And the menu thing really is cool because anyone who has a fantasy can just order. Hawk: The menu is amazing. You've got bondage, you've got role playing, you've got... Joe: DP. Angela: You have... Joe: DP? Angela: DP. Uh... double penetration, right? I mean, I'm assuming... Is that not...? Is that on the menu? Piña: I don't do that. Joe: No. Hawk: We don't. We... Porn tropes don't tend to be our group's thing. But is on the menu. Joe: Don't want to be tropey. Hawk: Hey, it's on the menu. Angela: Yeah. I mean, I just... Joe: It's on the menu. Angela: Might not... I'm just saying. We don't have to judge it. It's something that some people might have on there, I'm just saying. Joe: Double penetration. Angela: Double penetration. You were listing other stuff. [to Hawk] Hey, you're a fireman who likes to be pegged, so... Joe: Firefighter. Angela: Firefighter. Joe: He loves to be pegged. Hawk: So, fair point, fair point. Angela: Yes. I'm just, yeah... Joe: Honestly, like... This is not how I was expecting this to go. [all laughs] And I... I honestly feel like I have much more insight [points up] into what the fuck is going in up there, and I feel better about it 'cause it's not... you know, your run-of-the-mill married people sex. I guess it is something exceptional happening above our heads. Angela: Yes. Joe: Thank you for telling us. And I guess ultimately, just... you know, maybe try to keep it down. If you have another big birthday or holiday, Arbor Day, maybe go to Bolinas again. Get an Airbnb. Thank you. Piña: Thank you for being so understanding, and warm. Joe: We accept. We are accepting. Piña: My new friends! [hugs Joe] Thank you. Angela: Guys! Joe: That's very sweet. Angela: I love this! Joe: This is so lovely! Hawk: I know we haven't hung out a lot, but you guys have seemed cool and progressive. Joe: We are, yeah, I mean, I'm an independent, technically. But no, we're pretty, uh... Hawk: Not like the Anavias. Joe: No, we're more... They're single penetration. Piña: They don't seem very open. Joe: Not at all. [gestures to Angela] Exactly Hawk: You guys, when you stop fighting, you're really funny. Joe: We are... pretty chill. Hawk: I knew Angela was cool, but Joe, I... I didn't... I wasn't sure. Joe: Oh, yeah? Hawk: Getting to hang out now, I... Joe: Thanks. I don't know. I really appreciate it. How'd you know she was so cool? Angela: Because I'm cool. I'm cool! Hawk: Oh, yeah. There's this thing... Piña: [scrunching Angela's face] Look at this face. Hawk: And the window thing. Angela: Piña knows I'm cool. Joe: The what? The window thing? What window thing? Piña: No... Joe: What window thing? What window thing are you talking about? Hawk: Angela likes to be looked at naked in the window sometimes. Joe: You've seen my wife naked/ Hawk: No, not in person. Not in person. She likes to walk around... through the window. Piña: Just through the window. Hawk: It's a cute little ritual she does. Joe: [gets up and walks to window, looks up] What the fuck? [walks back] What is he talking about? Angela: Nothing. Joe: What is he talking about? Angela: Nothing. Nothing. Joe: Tell me what he is talking about? Angela: That might have happened, like, once by accident. I don't... This is... Hawk: I mean, it happened more than once, but... Joe: Word on the street is it was more than once. Angela: Is this a big deal? Joe: Why do I feel like everyone knows something except for me?! I want you to come here and explain to me what the fuck is going on, please? Angela: You want me to explain? Joe: I would love that. Angela: I will explain myself, Joe. Joe: Please do. Angela: The first time, I was coming outta the shower... Joe: The first time! Angela: I was nude, and I was going on my way to the living room, and I looked up, and he saw me, and I saw him seeing me, and then I kept going. Hawk: That is exactly what happened. Joe: Will you shut the fuck up, Hawk?! Angela: And then since then, after I shower, I walk past knowing that he MIGHT BE watching me. Joe: My God, it's a little sick ritual you guys have together?! Angela: It is. It is like a little ritual that I actually enjoy because it makes me feel good, because I do in fact like to be looked at naked, Joe. Is that ok?! Joe: No, it's not ok! Why would that be ok?! Angela: It's not like I'm looking at him in the eyes! I've never made eye contact! Hawk: No, never once. Joe: Who give a fuck?! What does that have to do with anything?! Angela: That is a huge deal! Joe: No, it isn't! I don't care about that at all! Angela: Do you even care?! You barely look at me! I don't even understand why you're upset! Joe: So, somehow this is my fault! That's fucking crazy! That's why you don't want curtains on the window, so the fireman can see your fucking tits! This is fucked, Angela! Piña: But Joe, it's not fucked. It's not. It's not. Joe: How is this not fucked?! Please enlighten me and say how this isn't fucked! Piña: I think what she's doing is great! It's actually very helpful. Joe: For whom?! Piña: For her! [gestures to self] And for us. Women. You know how many women let go of their erotic aspirations for good? You know how difficult it is, what she's doing, that she's trying to connect with that part that she had lost? [points at Angela] Good for you. Angela: Thank you. Joe: Bravo. Great work. Very important work. Angela: Fuck you! It is important! Joe: Hope you got a fucking Pulitzer for this shit! Piña: It is important! Joe: Yeah? Piña: Yes. What do we all want? Be honest. To desire to be desired. Maybe that's why you look at my boobs in the elevator every time I see you. Angela: Oh... [chuckles] Really? Joe looks at your boobs in the elevator. I'm so sorry, Piña. Really, Joe? Wow! Piña: He thinks I don't notice, but I do. It's like a little game we have, right? Angela: Such a fucking hypocrite. Joe: I don't... I don't... they're out there sometimes. They're hard not to see. Piña: Let me ask you something. When you look at my boobs, do they seem, [gestures to it] my boobs, do they seem out of reach to you? Joe: No, it's a small elevator. I could just grab 'em if I wanted. Piña: That's not what I'm asking. Joe: What are you asking? Piña: Do you feel worthy of desiring them? Joe: I've never thought about that for one fucking second! Piña: [hands sunglasses to Hawk] Do me a favor. Please look at my boobs right now. [starts undoing sweater buttons] Joe: What is happening right now? Piña: Look at them. Look at them. Joe: I don't want to right now! Piña: Look! [pulls down shirt collar] Look at them. Joe, look at them. Joe: I don't wanna right now. Angela: Don't be rude. Piña: It's fine. You just enjoy it. Angela: Don't be rude! Look at them! Joe: I don't wanna look at them. I don't... Why are you teaming up on me, for God's sakes? Look, I'm not a sicko like you! I ain't gonna look at another man's wife fucking tits to jerk off to, ok? [lights up a joint] I'm normal! Hawk: Who's doing that? Joe: You're doing that! Hawk: Who? Joe: You! Hawk: When? Joe: Every morning, apparently! Hawk: What? No. I... I make love to Piña. I tell her about Angela when I see her, and she likes it. It's our thing. Angela: Oh, you guys talk about me when you're... Piña: Yes, my love, of course we do. Hawk: Yeah. Angela: Oh... Really? Piña: A lot. Wow! Joe: I see what's happening now, Angela. Angela: What? Joe: This whole thing was a setup. You planned this whole fucking thing right now. Angela: What are you talking about? Joe: Holy shit! The cheese, the soufflé and the meat, and you didn't tell me they were coming! You were trying to have a threesome with these people! You knew they were fucking other people up there, and you planned this whole thing! [brings hands to head] This is fucking crazy, even for you, Angela! Angela: What the fuck, Joe?! I was just trying to have a night with some fucking wine and cheese! What are you talking about?! Joe: [points] You wanna all fuck each other! You've been plotting this whole thing behind my back! Stop laughing at me! Hawk: Joe, Joe. Joe... Joe: What?! Hawk: That is not what has been happening. Joe: No?! Then what?! Piña: No, of course not. Hawk: Did we ever talk to Angela about this? Piña: Never. Hawk: Never. Never. I mean, it's... It is sort of why we came down here, but... [Piña smirks and brings hand to mouth] Joe: Do not speak Spanish. Stop it. Stop speaking Spanish! Hawk: Ok, ok... Joe. Angela. Um... We did come down her tonight to invite you. Angela: Invite us...? Piña: To join us. Angela: Join you for... Hawk: For sex. Angela: Sex. Joe: Sex. Hawk: For group sex. What else? Angela: [Points to self and them] Us? Piña: Yes. Joe: Me? Piña: Both of you. Joe: Both of who? Hawk: Both of you. Joe: Including me? Hawk: Yeah, both... Both of you means you. Angela: Did you hear that, Joe? Joe: I did. Angela, did you hear that? Angela: Sure did. Joe: You heard that, too? All right. Hawk: We've been talking about this for quite a while, actually. Joe: Oh? Piña: We feel a very strong connection with you guys. Joe: Ok. Hawk: We were getting signals, you know, in the window. Angela: Ok. Hawk: In the elevator. They seem to be very warm signals. Signals we liked... So... Angela: Wow. Hawk: That's what this has been about. Ok? Angela: That is so nice. Thank you. Joe: Yeah. Angela: Oh, say thank you, Joe. Joe: Thank you. Very flattering. Feel very complimented. Angela: Mm-hmm. Piña: We find you very, very attractive. Joe: Thank you. Angela: We talk about you. Piña: I know. You talk about my orgasms. Angela: Mm-hmm. Joe: A lot. Angela: Mm-hmm. Joe: We really do. Yeah. Piña: Ok. Hawk: I think, um... even before we came down, we said you guys have a real quiet sex appeal. Angela: So do you two, too... as well. Joe: I wouldn't say it was quiet. Angela: No. Hawk: So, we want to propose to you that we share a sexual experience together. Ok? Joe: Just to be clear... [points to Hawk and Piña] You, you... [points to Angela] her... [points to himself] ...and me? Angela: Yes. Joe: Me too? Angela: Yes, also you. Joe: Ok. Angela: Yes. Piña: Ok. But, but, but... it doesn't have to be tonight, ok? Joe: Oh... Right. Piña: No pressure. Angela: Right. Hawk: But it definitely could be. Joe: Could be tonight. Hawk: I brought condoms and... Joe: Condoms! Wow! It's like it's pre 9/11. Angela: Wow! How do... Hypothetically speaking, like, if this were something that we were to consider proceeding with... Joe: Yeah, how would this shake down? Angela: What would the procedural protocol be, technically? Joe: How would we get down to...? Angela and Joe: ...technically? Joe: The procedural protocol? Angela: Yeah. Joe: Just... to know. Angela: Just to know. Just so we could, yeah... Hawk: I mean, that's what we were talking about. Angela: Right! Just, like, to recap really quick. Just, specifically, how would this work? Hawk: We can all be together. we can watch you. Joe: You don't wanna do that. Hawk: We could, um... obviously swap. Angela: Uh-huh. Joe: You don't wanna do that. Hawk: Swap. A little swaparoo. Piña: Sometimes it helps to... to add a neutral element. Joe: Like a referee. Hawk: [Piña speaks Spanish with him, mentioning; "Carolina, Pepe and Thomas"] No Pepe, no Thomas. Joe: Think I'm with Hawk on this one. No Pepe, no Thomas. Hawk: I think... Angela and Joe:Yeah. Piña: It's whatever we want... Hawk: Whatever you want. Piña: And whenever. Hawk: Whenever. Consider it an open invite. Joe: All right. Angela: Right. Hawk: But tonight, again, tonight is on the table. Angela: Ok. Weeknights are tough because of Maggie. Weekends... also tough. I'm actually training for a half-marathon. Joe: They're inviting us to an orgy, and you're giving them your Google calendar? You overthink everything! You're overthinking this as well. Angela: At least I'm brave enough to get into scheduling. You've literally offered me no logistical help. Joe: I'll do this. Angela: Oh, really? Joe: I'll schedule it right now. I'll fuck you guys right now. Angela: Incredible how unsexy you're managing to make this moment! Piña: [holds up hands] Ok, ok, I'm... I'm getting worried. Joe: Why? Piña: Yeah, because... hmm...! As horny as I am right now, I just... We cannot do this from an angry place. Joe: We're not angry. Angela: I'm actually not angry. Joe: This is me happy! you just haven't seen it yet! Piña: I don't think you guys are there. Joe: We're there. Angela: I can't speak for him, but personally, I'm very there. Joe: I'm there. I feel very good about this. I feel there. I would actually do this. Angela: I would do this. Joe: You would actually do this? Angela: Yeah. Do you wanna do this? Joe: I would do this. Angela: We're doing this. Joe: I think we would do this. Piña: If this connection is not coming from a healthy place... Joe: Very healthy! Angela: We are need in expansion. I think it'd very healthy for us on an emotional level, just in a positive way. Piña: That's a good reason. Hawk: That is a good reason. Angela: Everyone's a little buzzed. Joe: Yeah. Angela: Feeling good, feeling loose. Hawk: They're good reasons. Joe: We haven't eaten too much. Angela: Right. Joe: We have relatively empty stomachs. Angela: Yeah, and Maggie's not home. I'm sorry. I just mean it's like, a good time because it's a free time. It's a good time for us. Joe: I'd say there's, uh... no time like ahora. Angela: Yeah. Joe: I'm good with ahora. Angela: Yeah! Joe: Ahora Angela: Definitely ahora. Joe: Yeah. Piña: I don't think this is the night for all of us together. Angela: Right. Joe: Fuck! Piña: But we could try to connect separately. Joe: Oh! Angela: Yeah. Joe: All right. Angela: Yeah. Joe: Ok. Piña: Joe. Joe: Yes? Piña: How would you feel about spending a little bit of time alone with me? Joe: How would you feel about that? Angela: Hm, I'm... Joe: You'd feel good about it? You'd feel ok about it? Angela: Mm-hmm. Joe: Then I would also feel good about that as a plan of action I would be willing to proceed with. Hawk: Angela? Angela: Uh... Joe: Knock yourself out. Angela: Yeah. I do... Yes! That. Yes. Joe: Look at us. Angela: Ok. Joe: Whew! Hawk: [starts a group hand link] Hey... come on. Angela: Ok. Joe: Ok. Yeah. Hawk: We're gonna separate but still be together, so... feeling positive? Angela: Mm-hmm, mm-hmmm.... Hawk: Joe, any reservations? Joe: I would maybe prefer not to have pegging performed on my body. Piña: Oh, I... I respect that. Joe: Thanks. Hawk: Positive otherwise, though. Ok? Joe: Yes. Yeah. Hawk: So, your bedroom? Angela: No! Joe: Not our bedroom. Angela: No, no... Joe: Maggie? Angela: No! Gross. Uh... Joe: Maybe... Angela: Your office. Joe: My office. Hawk: We could... Piña: I like your office. Angela: Oh! Joe: It's nice. You guys could take the, um... arts and craft room. Angela: No, I think it's too small. I feel like the kitchen is... Joe: Maybe the kitchen. Angela: Is that ok? Hawk: We'll make that work. Joe: It's just renovated. Hawk: We'll make that work. Angela: Great. Joe: Cool. Piña: Good luck. Enjoy, everybody. Joe: Thank you, yes. Piña: See you soon. Joe: Feel very good about all this. Angela: Great, very positive. Joe: Cool. Piña: Angela... [kisses her] Joe: Oh, hello. Piña: Namaste. Angela: Namaste. Ok. Hawk: Do you actually look in the mirror and not know how sexy you are? Angela: Oh, blah! No! Hawk: You can't be that out of touch with yourself, are you? Angela: Oh, God. No. I know I'm a fucking stupid cunt. I really... I... Hawk: Whoa, Angela. Angela: No, that's my inner monologue. That's how I speak to myself. It's just the voice in my head. It's not.... No... It's good. Hawk: Are you sure? Angela: I'm good. Angela: This is so embarrassing We are... We are so fucking embarrassingǃ I can't believe itǃ Of course it's your fucking backǃ Our entire life is about your fucking backǃ COnstant fucking complainingǃ Joe: What are you talking about?ǃ Sorry my back is an inconvenience to you having a fucking orgyǃ Angela: It actually is, if you want to know, and I'm not allowed to complain about itǃ I'm not allowed to say a FUCKING THING about it everǃ Joe: Well, you're talking about it right now. So, congratulationǃ Hawk: Oh, noǃ Piña: Is it bad? Joe: Yes, it's badǃ Look at meǃ Piña: Do you know your back pain is not about your back? Joe: I think it actually is very much about your backǃ That's not gonna workǃ Piña: No massage, no pillow, none of those things work. L4, L5, fucking classic. [points] Your back pain is about everything that you don't say. You know? It's your rage, it's your anger speaking. Joe: Hey, what are you talking about?ǃ Why are you doing this?ǃ We were dancing to Sade thirty seconds agoǃ Piña: It didn't hurt you in there when we were dancing, right? We were having a nice time. I was loose. Joe: What the fuck are you smiling at, Hawk?ǃ Hawk: I, I, I...I feel you, man. Joe: "You feel me"?ǃ Don't try to connect to me, Hawkǃ Do not try to connect with meǃ I don't want itǃ Hawk: I've been where you are, Joe. Joe: What the fuck? So, you've been on your floor in your underpants, ice on your back?ǃ Hawk: Yeah, I've been on the floor angry and in pain and all of itǃ Trust meǃ Joe: Oh, my Godǃ I don't fucking want you to try in ANY WAY emotionally relate to me, you fucking pervert! We're nothing alike! Hawk: How do you know? Joe: Also, your name isn't Hawk! No one's name is Hawk! You go and on about radical honesty! Your whole name's a fucking lie, manǃ What is your name! What's your actual name? Tell me your... What is on your driver's license? Hawk: Howard Wilson Kelly Joe: "Howard". He's Howard. Your name is Howard. This whole time, it hasn't been Hawk. It's been little Howie. Oh, my God. That changes everything. I didn't know we had a Howard in our midst. I would've been so much nicer to you. Where did Hawk come from, Howie? How'd you land on Hawk? Hawk: It's just... It's the name I gave myself. Joe: A nickname you gave yourselfǃ Literally the lamest words that could have come out of your mouth. Oh, my Godǃ What, were you biking across the playa at Burning Man?ǃ You saw a fucking bird fly by or something?ǃ Hawk: No, it's something I did after my wife died. You asked. Joe: Well, maybe you should lead with that next time, I guess. Hawk: She got cancer. Angela: You don't have to answer his question. You don't have to say anything. Hawk: It's a fair question, you know. How does Howard get to Hawk? So... [gestures] For Joe... Um... After she died, I... I was doing some things that were pretty suicidally stupid at work, and I was gonna get someone else killed along with me. And do you know how people say your life flashes before your eyes? I... I... That happened to me, but not my life, it was our life together. It went by me in this high-speed film. And I kept seeing this woman, this, like, very gentle, very shy, sweet girl who, like... She thought I hung the moon. And in the film, she... Over and over again, she tried to... open up about her fantasy life to me, to, you know, share this kind of sensual adventurous side of herself, so that I would enter into it with her, and... I didn't just, you know, resist it. I got really right and judgmental and insecure. And I... And I made her feel so bad about it that somewhere in that movies, she just stops... trying to connect with me at all. I suppressed her, you know? I... I shut her down her attempt to, like, live more boldly. Somehow, the universe puts me on this one's couch, and... she told me, you know, you got two choices. Go set yourself on fire for real, or change who you are and make yourself available. So, uh... I decided I really better change my name if I was gonna change my life. And so I did. Joe: Well... I'm sorry your wife passed away, and I'm glad you found a woman who would peg you after you didn't let your wife peg you. Angela: Oh, my Godǃ Joe: What do you want from me? I'm sorry. That's the moral of that story as far as I'm concernedǃ Angela: Oh, my Godǃ Piña: My boyfriend shares that very difficult and painful story with you, and you're making fun of him? Joe: I'm living a difficult and painful sorry right now, in real lifeǃ Piña: I really didn't expect this from you. This is fucking disappointingǃ Joe: Ok. I'm sorry. Piña: No, no... Really! Shut up! Stop! Stop being unrespectful to my boyfriendǃ Hawk: Disrespectful. Don't be disrespectful. She's saying... Piña: "She's saying..." what? Hawk: No, no. I... I was just clarifying. Piña: I think they caught what I was saying. Oh, are you going to interrupt? Hawk: Sorry. Piña: Correct my English right now? Hawk: No, mi amor. I just trying to clarify... Piña: No! You're always interrupting me, always correcting me! [Hawks speaks Spanish] Do you know how bad your Spanish is! And I never tell you, right? What do I do? I help you. I've been telling you all night, this is not gonna work. It's not the night. They're not ready. [gestures at Joe and Angela] Look at this fucking mess! And you keep pushing! You keep pushing because you're always pushing! And you know why? Because you don't listen. Just fucking listen! Hawk: Ok, ok. Piña. Piñaǃ Piña: No, I don't wanna talk to you! Just... Shut the fuck up for once! Hawk: I... Piña: [Sits] Shut the fuck up! Really! Really! For once, just shut the fuck up! Hawk: I'm sorry, I'm sorry... Piña: Shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up! Hawk: I shouldn't have said that. Piña: Just shut the fuck up. Hawk: It was terrible timing. And... you are right. This is the last time that will ever happen. I totally understand what you're saying. Piña: You said that before. Hawk: No, I never have. I will never do it again. Piña: Fucking embarrassing. [To Joe] I'm sorry for yelling at you. [To Hawk] And I'm... I'm sorry if this was too much. I'm sorry. Hawk: No, No. It... It... Don't be sorry. Piña: I'm sorry, Joe. Joe: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It was a joke. Hawk: Don't apologize. Don't anybody apologize. Angela: We're so sorry. Piña: [To Hawk] I'm sorry I... yelled at you. [To Joe] I'm sorry I yelled at you. Joe: It was horrible what you said. Hawk: You don't have to be sorry. Angela: Guys, WE are sorry. Joe: "We"? Angela: Ok? We're a fucking disasterǃ We couldn't even pull off an orgyǃ Ok? We are dead inside. SO, I apologize for that. Piña: Oh, no, don't worry about that. You are definitely not dead. You wanted to fuck the two of us. It just wasn't the right night. But what I don't understand is how you can even have sex with each other, 'cause you are so mean to each other. Because you... you do have sex with each other, right? [Joe and Angela body language confirms an absence of activity] When was the last time you two had sex? Joe and Angela: A year ago. Hawk: [chokes and spits out drink] Oh, sorry. I thought you said a year ago. You did say a year? A year? Piña: A year ago? Oh, my God! No wonder why you are so awkward... and horny... and weird. Do you know why you don't have sex? Joe: [gets up and pulls up pants] Because she won't fuck me. Angela: Well, because of him. What? Joe: It's your fault. Angela: It's not my faultǃ Joe: Of course, it's your faultǃ We don't have sex 'cause she won't have sex with meǃ That's whyǃ Angela: "Won't have sex with you"? You don't tryǃ Joe: I stopped trying because how many times can I try before I'm just torturing myself? Angela: Oh, uh... Joe: It's humiliatingǃ I'm being humiliatedǃ Angela: Am I not worth just a little bit more effort than that? Could you maybe be trying a little bit harder? Joe: How much effort do I need to put into having sex with a woman who's supposed to want to have sex with me?ǃ Why should that take so much effort?ǃ You're supposed to be attracted to meǃ You're my wifeǃ What are you talking about?ǃ Angela: You know what? You don't want to do anything, ok? So, that's where I'm starting, ok? It's not very attractive to be with someone who's just fucking miserableǃ So, because you're miserable, then I'm miserableǃ Joe: You're miserable, too. So, congratulations. I guess we're both miserable. We're even, ok? You've nothing to be upset about. Piña: Angela, would you fuck yourself? Angela: What? Piña: Would you have sex with yourself? [Angela tilts up head contemplating] Hmm. [to Joe] Would you... fuck yourself? Joe: All I ever do is fuck myself. I'm the only person who fucks me currently. So, yes. Piña: [looks down wringing hands] Do you even remember a time when you were not miserable? Joe: [sits] What's the difference? Angela: Yeah, I do. Piña: How did you two meet? Joe: Who cares? Who cares at this point? Angela: I'll tell you. Joe: Great. Angela: Um... I was on a very bad date... at this dive bar where Joe was playing with his band, and he was flirting with me the entire show from the stage, making me laugh. And so I made my date drop me off, and I sprinted back to the bar, so I could see if I could catch Joe, and I... I did. But I don't think you ever realized that I ran eleven blocks that night. Did you know that? Joe: [shakes head] Angela: Yeah. Joe: I thought you were just a bizarrely sweaty person. [Angela chuckles] Maybe you had eaten some bad shrimp or something. [Angela chuckles] Angela: And we had sex all the time. We had... We actually had great sex. It was great. It was really fun. We were best friends. Joe: That is true. Angela: And then you just decided to be miserable. Joe: Are you kidding me right now? Are you fucking for real? I "decided to become miserable"? Do you actually not understand how I feel... at all? You don't get it? I'm a failure Angela. I live in my parents' apartment... which is humiliating. I teach at a bad school. Teach a bunch of kids to play the oboe who don't give a fuck about it all. And nothing is gonna change anytime soon. So, this is my life. So, I'm miserable. Yes. Why can't you let me be miserable? Why can't you just accept that I am not happyǃ Angela: I'm sorry that your band didn't work out, Joe. I'm really sorry. You still teach music every single day. You get to live in a beautiful home. You have a kid who fucking worships you. You have a life that I think many people would kill for, but you've just decided to make the choice to not get over your bullshit and to just be miserable. You won't even fucking touch the piano that you used to love, and we all have to tiptoe around you. You're just like a sad, wounded puppyǃ Hawk: You guys want some Rooibos? Angela: Oh, fuck off, Hawkǃ Fuck offǃ Hawk: Sorry. Sorry. Angela: I am the one who gave everything up. Joe: You did thatǃ There's one reason that you're not doing what you are not doing, and that is because you are not doing itǃ You quitǃ You gave upǃ Can I ask you a question? For real? What do you do all day? Maggie goes to school. I go to work. You go fucking insane in this apartment. I don't know what the fuck you're doing. You're buying fucking lamps and pillows and shit. And then you try to just fucking control every aspect of my life when I get home at the end of every fucking dayǃ It's- It's- It's- I... What are you doing here?ǃ Angela: Fuck you, Joeǃ Joe: What are you fucking doing?ǃ Fuck me?ǃ Yeah. Fuck meǃ Angela: Yeah. Fuck youǃ And I am not trying to control youǃ I am not controllingǃ Noǃ Joe: You don't let me do anythingǃ You don't let me get a fucking catǃ Angela: I don't like catsǃ Joe: There you goǃ Angela: They're fucking meanǃ Joe: Congratulationsǃ I wanted one fucking thingǃ Piña: Do you see how you keep blaming each other for your happiness? [leans forward with both hands out] You made these choices. They're your choices. So much resentment. So much. Why are you in this marriage? Joe: We have a daughter. Angela: Maggie. Piña: Great. That's gonna be really, really great for her, um... 'Cause you think she doesn't notice, right? She doesn't feel this. You prefer that she grows up marinating in this horrible anxiety every day. What's better; to have happy parents who are separate or to have very miserable parents that stay together for their children? I think we only get a few chances for meaningful relationships in life. Usually, we move to different people. Sometimes, we can have a new relationship with the same person. It's up to you. But I think this relationship... is over. Joe and Angel: Yeah. Piña: But I'm not your therapist, so... [gets up] I think I'm talking too much. Hawk? Hawk: Gosh, you guys. We really just wanted to see the apartment, you know, and... maybe fuck a little. Joe: Sorry to let you down. Maybe next time. Piña: Can I have my casserole back, please? Angela: Yeah. Here, I'm gonna.... Let me rinse it out for you. Angela: [after awkward silence] Did they leave? Joe: Weird. Angela: I'm gonna clean up tomorrow. Joe: Ok. We have that place in Tahoe next August. Maggie loves it up there. I don't know what... to do about that. Angela: I guess we'll figure it out. Joe: Ok. Angela: How's you back? Joe: It's better actually. Angela: I'm glad. I'm so tired. Joe: Me too. Angela: I'm gonna go to bed. Um... Should I sleep in my office, I guess? Joe: Ok. [starts playing piano and Angela joins him] Taglines It'll be fun. Everything is on the table. Cast Seth Rogen - Joe Olivia Wilde - nAngela Penélope Cruz - Piña Edward Norton - Hawk External links 14173636 The Invite Category:American comedy-drama films Category:2026 American films Category:Philosophy films Category:Films set in San Francisco Category:Films directed by Olivia Wilde Category:Films about educators Category:Films about food and drink Category:Films about marriage Category:Films about parties Category:Films set in apartment buildings