Two and a Half Men (season 8)

Season 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 | Main Two and a Half Men (2003–2015) is a TV series original centered around a hip single bachelor whose lifestyle is interrupted when his newly separated brother and his son move in. Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud [8.01] Berta: These pants were in the mailbox. Charlie: What the hell were they doing in the mailbox?! Berta: I dunno; but there's postage on 'em. Charlie: Well I clearly had a plan at SOME point...[Alan & Charlie see a girl sneak out across Charlie's deck]Alan: ...Yours? Charlie: Alan, she's, like, 16. Alan: Again I ask, hoping I won't be called to testify...yours? Charlie: No! She's coming from Jake's room. Alan: Why would a girl be leaving Jake's room at 7 in the morning? Charlie: Why do you think?? Alan: Oh, come on, he's 16! Charlie: Not everybody waits until they're a junior in college, Alan. Alan: Sophomore, and I still wasn't emotionally ready. Charlie: An orgy requires a minimum of six people. Alan: What? Charlie: It goes (counting on his fingers) masturbation, one-on-one, three-some, two couple swinging, two couple swinging with a looky-loo, (holds up six fingers) orgy's six. sin pena elo Charlie: I gotta pee. You mind, Judith? Judith: Just try to hit the bowl this time. Charlie: Don't worry, I only miss when I've been drinking. [takes a swig of beer]Alan: [leaving through the front door] I'll wait in the car.[Charlie spots the two girls from before now sneaking out of the house, unseen by Judith and Alan]Charlie: Hey, Judith, is there surfing around here? Judith: What're you talking about? We're 20 miles from the beach. Charlie: That's what I thought...I'm so proud of that kid! A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer [8.02] Berta: (on how she gets people to leave) Just tell 'em you missed your period and you're out of pot.(Alan is moving out and Charlie has helped him pack. Alan finds a box labeled "Porn & Blow-Up Doll.")Alan: You couldn't spell "Miscellaneous"?(Charlie has bribed Jake and Eldridge with five one-hundred dollar bills and told them to split it up any way they want.)Eldridge: No matter how I figure it out there's gonna be one left over! A Pudding-Filled Cactus [8.03] Hookers, Hookers, Hookers [8.04] The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel [8.05] Twanging Your Magic Clanger [8.06] The Crazy Bitch Gazette [8.07] Springtime on a Stick [8.08] "We're not dating. We have an arrangement. Arrangement? I let him climb on top of me a couple of times a month, and he pays my rent." "...when he touches me, I want to vomit." A Good Time in Central Africa [8.09] Mm Mm, Don't Do It? [8.10] Courtney: Hi, Charlie. Charlie: Courtney? I thought you were in prison. Courtney: I was, but I'm out now. Wanna go to Vegas? Charlie: Are you kidding? I'm in the middle of Thanksgiving with my family. Last time we were together you kind of ripped me off. Courtney: I haven't had sex in three years. Charlie: Bye, everybody. Dead from the Waist Down [8.11] Chocolate Donuts and My Puppy's Adopted [8.12] Harper: For every gorgeous woman out there, there's a guy who's tired of banging her. Skunk, Dog, Crap and Ketchup [8.13] Mackelroy: Before we go any further, I'd like to take something off the table. Harper: What? Mackelroy: My ass. Looking For Japanese Subs [8.14][Jake is planning with Eldridge to make a 'Human Fart Rocket' for their show Dumbass]Alan: What are you doing? Jake: Fixing Eldridge something to eat. Alan: Really? Eldridge: Yes, I was feeling peckerish. Alan: You mean "peckish". Eldridge: Fine, if you wanna dicker. [Jake and Eldridge laugh][Jake has just performed "The Human Volcano" and thrown up on Alan]Alan: Cool stunts!?! I-in God's name, why!?! Jake: You've heard of Jackass? Alan: Yeah. Eldridge: We are Dumbass. Alan: [Sarcastically] Really? However did you come up with that name? Eldridge: Well, we thought, what's better than Jackass? Alan: That was kind of a rhetorical question. Jake: It was between Dumbass and the Ass-kateers. Alan: [Sarcastically] Really? I think you made the right call. Jake: Think so? Alan: Oh, yes. I respect your decision. Now get this cleaned up![After Jake and Eldridge almost injure themselves in the shopping cart stunt]''Alan: Do you realize how lucky you are? You could have broken your necks.Jake: There were precautions.Alan: You flew off the roof! In a shopping cart! What precautions?Eldridge: We were trying to land in the ocean.Alan''': You missed it by a hundred yards! Category:Two and a Half Men seasons