Norbit

Norbit is a 2007 slapstick romantic comedy film, directed by Brian Robbins and starring its co-writer, Eddie Murphy, in three leading roles. Reviews are overwhelmingly negative. The film was nominated for 8 Golden Raspberry Awards including Worst Picture, and won 3 awards all for Eddie Murphy as 3 different characters: Norbit, Mr. Wong, and Rasputia. Have You Ever Made A Really Big Mistake? (taglines) Norbit I didn't touch your seat. No, that's just my... my wife. No, the one, suckin' the jelly outta them doughnuts. Rasputia, I know we're a little nervous because we've never done this before, but we can take our time, darling. In sweet time. Yes. [Rasputia leans into the doorway wearing lingerie] AAAHHH!!! AAAHHH!!! [Rasputia runs and jumps on Norbit, breaking their bed in the process] OHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! HALT!!!!!! [Rasputia runs and jumps on Norbit, breaking their bed once again] 187, officer down! Happy president's day! [Rasputia runs and jumps on Norbit and we see the bed is propped up with cinderblocks. Rasputia and Norbit both bounce up off the bed and come down again] God bless America! Yes, it did! And that makes you the Queen of (mouth silently)! Kate Thomas Wow, that was some nice show, Norbit. [After seeing Rasputia] Oh, yeah! She's pretty! I'm so sorry, Mrs. Rice. I just don't trust you anymore. Norbit, what are you doing?! "What?! No! Don't be silly. You're married, you're here... Mr. Wong Norbit, where you go?! Why you run off? "Whale, ho!" Yeah, gonna blow! It just like old times. Maybe you two go take poop together. "Bingo! Right in the blowhole! Rasputia Damn it, Norbit! How many times I gotta tell you, don't be messin' with my car seat?! That's MY wine cooler! [repeated line] How YOU doin'! [Norbit singing "Tuesday" in the shower] Say Tuesday again, and you ain't gonna see Wednesday! I'ma show you how a chick go down a slide! It's your birthday?! Oh you think it's your birthday, huh? That's what your stupid black butt get! KATE, FOOL!! Hell to the no! Did somebody just call me a whale? Dialogue Norbit: But I never lost hope. I knew that someday I'd find another somebody to share my life with. All I had to do was just be patient. [the two twin bullies smash his sandcastle] 9-Year-Old Norbit: What did you do that for? One of the Bullies: 'Cause we felt like it. Both Bullies: What are you gonna do about it? [The bullies pick on Norbit, by one of them simply shaking him on his side and the other beating him up. Suddenly, a 10-year-old Rasputia comes over and lifts the bullies up by the shirts] 10-Year-Old Rasputia: [to the bullies] Leave him alone. Both Bullies: Says who? [Rasputia knocks the bullies' heads together and throws them off sideways] 9-Year-Old Norbit: Who are you? 10-Year-Old Rasputia: Rasputia. What's your name? 9-Year-Old Norbit: Norbit. 10-Year-Old Rasputia: "Norbit"? That's a stupid name. 9-Year-Old Norbit: Why'd you beat those boys up? 10-Year-Old Rasputia: To protect you. You got a girlfriend, Nesbitt? 9-Year-Old Norbit: Uh, Norbit. No... 10-Year-Old Rasputia: Well, you do now. Get up and hold my hand. 9-Year-Old Norbit: Okay. [the source of Rasputia's catchphrase] How you doing? Rasputia: [After seeing Norbit, trying to get out of the house] NORBIT!! Norbit: Oh! Good Morning, Rasputia! Good Morning! How are you this morning? Rasputia: Where the hell YOU going?! Norbit: Oh... ummmm. Nowhere special. I was just going to Raging Waters. Rasputia: Raging Waters? Norbit: Rasputia, we took vows. I'm your husband. RASPUTIA!! WE TOOK VOWS, AND YOU CHEATED ON ME!! Rasputia: IT NEVER HAPPENED!! Norbit: YES IT DID!! [Rasputia stops and gasps] AND THAT MAKES YOU... THE QUEEN OF WHORES!!! Rasputia: Aagh!! [Rasputia suddenly turns back and runs towards Norbit] Norbit: [singing in the shower] Tuesday! Tuesday! Tuesday! Rasputia: If say Tuesday again, you ain't won't see Wednesday. Kate: I'm so sorry, Mrs. Rice. Rasputia: "Mrs. Rice?!" My name ain't no damn Mrs. Rice! Kate: Well, I just though that you were married to Norbit... Rasputia: Who the hell are you? Norbit: Ummm... Kate, I want you to meet my wife. This is Rasputia Latimore and Rasputia, this is Kate. Kate: Nice to meet you! Rasputia: Hello. Norbit: Kate's an old friend of mine from the orphanage. Kate: Latimore... as in "Latimore Construction?" Rasputia: Yeah, that's right. As in "Latimore Construction." That's right. Why? Kate: Well, this is perfect. Because I came to see you guys about a renovation... of- Mr. Wong: WHALE, HO!! Rasputia: Did somebody just call me a whale? Mr. Wong: Yeah! Gonna blow! Norbit: Ohh... Lloyd, what am I gonna do...? Lloyd the Dog: Kill her! Norbit: Excuse me? What'd you say? Lloyd the Dog: You heard me. Rub 'er out. Take 'er down. Ice her! Norbit: Hey. Lloyd, you're talkin'. Lloyd the Dog: She took my legs, Norbit. She took my legs! You know what it's like bein' a dog with no legs?! I can't raise one up to pee. And I can't even hump no more, Norbit! Humpin' was my THING! Rasputia: What is this, Norbit? [Norbit gets up] Norbit: Some kinda... weird, satanic, potato art? Rasputia: Mm-mm. [Rasputia takes out a container of acid] Rasputia: What's this? Norbit: Looks like the acid, we used down at the quarry. Rasputia: [stomps foot] RIGHT! But this is Miss Pretty Little Thang's little face. And Norbit, if you ever see her again, if you ever *talk* to 'er again, if you ever to so much as to think about the girl again, this is what's gonna happen to 'er. [Rasputia pours the acid on the potato art of Kate] Rasputia: How YOU doin'! You get the picture, Norbit? [Scared, Norbit nods his head] Norbit: Psst! Psst! Psst! Hey! Hey! Over here! [Kate walks over to Norbit] Kate: I need to talk to you. Do you know what was in those papers, you had me sign last night? Norbit: Yeah, the construction permits. Kate: No, that's not all. [Norbit hears Rasputia's giant footsteps, walking over to the window] Kate: Norbit. Norbit: I I I I-- just-- just-- just go away, Kate! Get outta here! Kate: What?! [Norbit looks at the melted potato art of Kate, then looks back at Kate] Norbit: Ya heard what I said! Just get outta here! Scram! Kate: The Latimores are trying to take control of the orphanage, Norbit! Norbit: Well wh-- why don't you go and-- and find somebody, who-- who gives a rat's ass?! Because I d-- I I I sure as hell don't! Kate: Y y-- you don't care? Norbit: No I-- I don't care, b and d-- [looks at the ceiling] --And I don't care about you either! Kate: [heartbroken] Norbit! Norbit: The only woman that I have e e ever ever loved, and ever cared about was my darling... wife, Rasputia! [shakes his head, mad] Kate: B b bu-- but last night-- Norbit: Last night I was ju-- I was just tryin' to nail ya! You know, score?! But now I realize I don't have to do that! All I need is my beautiful, precious wife... RASPUTIA! [Rasputia shakes her head and smiles in satisfation] Norbit: She is all the woman I need! So you can just go on and get outta here! You screwy dame! Who needs ya?! Deion: [screaming] THAT'S ENOUGH!! THAT'S ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! Stop the music! Pope Sweet Jesus: Hold on... Deion: [cuts Pope off] Shut up! You two, shut up! That's it. This is husband-and-wife time. Now, let's go. Let's go. Husband-and-wife stuff. [The ceremony resumes] Preacher: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today... Norbit: I object! [congregation gasps and murmurs] Preacher: [frustrated] Oh, for Christ sake! Mr. Wong: [pleased] Norbit. Pope Sweet Jesus and Lord Have Mercy: [cheers] Norbit! Kate: [surprised] Norbit! Choir: [singing] Norbit-t-t-t! Norbit: This wedding's a sham and I'm here to stop it. Kate: Norbit, what are you doing? Norbit: I'm bein' a man for the first time in my life. Kate... Kate, I love you. Rasputia: [Rasputia, Big Jack, and Earl stormed into the church] What the hell did you just say?! Norbit: You heard what I said, strumpet! I love Kate! That right! I love you, Kate! And the last two weeks I spent with you have meant more to me than my whole entire miserable life with you, Rasputia! It's over! Norbit Albert Rice is no longer your (mouth silently)! Rasputia: [laughs after Kate doesn't believe Norbit's story about Deion is a corrupt goldigger/cheater] Well, well, well, Norbit. You lose again! Once a loser, always a loser. Now, come on! Let's go! Norbit: [to Kate] Yeah, I thought you'd feel that way about it, Kate. And that's why I took the liberty of inviting some of Deion's ex-wives down so maybe they can tell you for themselves. LADIES! [Deion is shocked and frightened to see his three exes and their children walk in the church] Ex-Wife #1: Hello, Antoine! I've been looking everywhere for you. Children: Daddy! Ex-Wife #2: Antoine? He told me his name was Luther! Rasputia: Who is that? Ex-Wife #3: Luther? He told me he was gay! Deion: No, no, no. Y'all got me confused with my gay twin brother, Antoine Luther. Ex-Wife #1: [angry] You dead, goldigger! Deion: [the wives and children are going towards him] I'm out! Pope Sweet Jesus: Look's like the wedding's off, bro. Lord Have Mercy: Church! Big Jack: Dammit, Norbit! Norbit: Oh, snap! Taglines Have You Ever Made A Really Big Mistake? Nice Guy. Huge Problem. Cast Eddie Murphy - Norbit Albert Rice / Hangten Wong / Rasputia Latimore Khamani Griffin - young Norbit (age 5) Austin Reid - young Norbit (age 9) Jonathan Robinson - young Norbit (age 17) Lindsey Sims-Lewis - young Rasputia (age 10) Yves Lola St. Vil - young Rasputia (age 17) Thandie Newton - Kate Thomas, Norbit's best friend, in whom he has a romantic interest. China Anderson - young Kate (age 5) Terry Crews - Big Black Jack Latimore Lester "Rasta" Speight - Blue Latimore Clint Powell - Earl Latimore Cuba Gooding, Jr. - Deion Hughes Eddie Griffin - Pope Sweet Jesus Katt Williams - Lord Have Mercy Floyd Levine - Abe Anthony Russell - Sam Giovanni Pat Crawford Brown - Mrs. Henderson Jeanette Miller - Mrs. Coleman Michael Colyar - Morris Marlon Wayans - Buster "Bust-A-Move" Perkin Alexis Rhee - Ling Ling Wong Charlie Murphy (voice) - Lloyd the Dog Tone Man - Narrator (voice) External links 0477051 Category:2007 films Category:2000s American films Category:Slapstick films Category:American romantic comedy films