WWE Raw

1993 June 14 Mean Gene Okerlund: We are here at the just-concluded King of the Ring. I am here with the brand new World Wrestling Federation Champion, Yokozuna, and his manager Mr. Fuji. In an interview conducted earlier, you stated you would hold a celebration here in America. Why? Mr. Fuji: Why? Simple. Because my Yokozuna won WWF Heavyweight Belt right here in beautiful America, so we celebrate, Yokozuna and myself, in America. Mean Gene: Now when would this celebration take place? Mr. Fuji: Perhaps...July 4. Mean Gene: Well, wait a minute. July 4th...well, it's a big holiday. As a matter of fact, the 4th of July is America's birthday. Why would you celebrate on the 4th of July? Mr. Fuji: Why? Because America celebrates Independence Day, Yokozuna and Mr. Fuji celebrates with America. Mean Gene: Where would this celebration take place? Mr. Fuji: Ah... perhaps beautiful landmark in America. Historical! Historical landmark in America! Mean Gene: Wait a minute, Mr. Fuji. You've got to be kidding me. That's disgusting! Mr. Fuji: What? Mean Gene: I think you're actually trying to desecrate an American holiday, aren't you?! Mr. Fuji: No, no, no, no... Mean Gene: You and Yokozuna up to your... is this what we're going to expect from you?! Come on! Yokozuna: Yosh nay [sic]. Hulkamania is dead! August 2 Vince McMahon: What a victory for the 1-2-3 Kid, Razor Ramon at ringside adding insult to injury to the SummerSlam match-up. I'll tell you what, this is gonna be something extraordinary. Ted DiBiase, very, very upset. Bobby "The Brain" Heenan: Well, you've made an enemy now out of Ted DiBiase, the Million Dollar Man, and Money Inc. What you do, McMahon, is your business. When you get into the ring... [Vince and Bobby notice someone has entered the ring] Vince: Speaking of business, what's this man doing here? Bobby: WAIT A MINUTE!! Vince: He has no business here. Bobby: DO YOU KNOW? DO YOU KNOW WHO THAT IS?! Do you have any idea who... Do you have any idea who that is?! Jimmy! Jimmy! [removes his headset and jumps into the ring] Vince: Jim Cornette. Don't get carried away. I've never seen Bobby Heenan so delighted. What is this?! [Bobby and Jim Cornette share a delighted hug in the ring] Oh, look at this! It's a reunion! Bobby Heenan and Jim Cornette from Smoky Mountain Wrestling! Bobby: Ladies and gentlemen, I don't believe this! I do not believe this! Do you know who this is?! Do you have any, any idea who this man is?! [To Jim] No, I'm gonna talk right now. You listen! Relax. I'm gonna talk for you. This, ladies and gentlemen, this is the greatest manager in the history of the sport of wrestling! Yes! I couldn't... I couldn't even surpass what this man has done. Jim Cornette, what are you doing here in the WWF? Jim Cornette: First of all, Bobby, I wanna say something. I'm the greatest manager in wrestling only because that you're no longer managing. I gotta say... and by the way, my mother really liked that bouquet of roses you sent. But you know something? Everybody's wondering, "Jim Cornette..." I know all the people out there, they got their false teeth laying on the floor, man, and they gotta have their wives slap 'em, bring 'em back around, sit 'em up on the couch. "Jim Cornette's on the WWF, man!" Bobby: Tell me, Jim, what is going on with Smoky Mountain Wrestling? Jim: Let me just explain for all you genetic defects out here living downstream from the nuclear plant. Jim Cornette has done everything in his career. I've done everything in professional wrestling. I've traveled coast to coast, border to border. I've managed the greatest tag teams in wrestling. The one thing that I haven't done is appeared in the World Wrestling Federation. I'm here to do that now because I finally have my knockout blow. A year and a half ago, I settled in the great Smoky Mountains down there in Knoxville, Tennessee, and I became involved with the hottest wrestling promotion in the South, Smoky Mountain Wrestling. And I formed, I handpicked a tag team guaranteed to be the pièce de résistance, the cream of the crop, the greatest combination that I have ever managed. None other than the Heavenly Bodies: The Doctor of Desire Tom Prichard and the Gigolo Jimmy Del Ray. And they are, without a doubt, the object of every American woman's desire. Bobby: Talk about surprises! You never cease to surprise me, Jim! Jim: That's exactly right, and I'm full of surprises, because I've got another one. I'm here in the WWF for one reason. Because, like I said, I manage the greatest tag team in wrestling, the Heavenly Bodies. They have dominated Smoky Mountain Wrestling for a year and a half. And now, I hear you've got some big fish up here. A couple guys called Rick and Scott Steiner that every... [off the audience cheer] Yeah. Vince: Oh, boy, Cornette wasting no time. Bobby: They're the WWF Tag Team Champions. Jim: That's exactly right. They're the World Wrestling Federation Tag Team Champions, but they're not the best tag team in the world. The Heavenly Bodies are. So what I'm saying, Rick and Scott Steiner, now I'm ready for the knockout blow, the only step I've never taken! You got a challenge on your table, Steiner Brothers. Either you can get in the ring with the Heavenly Bodies, defend those belts, get beat, of course, but at least these people will know that you had some guts. And hey, it's no disgrace getting beat by the best. Or you can just overlook my challenge, and then every single one of these people will know that you're yellow, stinkin', dog-cur cowards, and I know you are. Bobby: Ladies and gentlemen, this man is gonna set the World Wrestling Federation on fire! And Jimmy, you're the man that can do it! You're here! You're really here! 1994 November 7 Vince McMahon: At this time, obviously conspicuous by his absence, is the “Macho Man” Randy Savage. And I’d like to announce, unfortunately, that Randy Savage has been unable to sign a contract with the World Wrestling Federation—not unable to, rather to come to terms with the World Wrestling Federation for a new contract. But Randy, I know you’re out there listening, and on behalf of all us here in the World Wrestling Federation, all of your fans, and certainly me, the number one fan, I’d like to say thank you for all of your positive contributions to the World Wrestling Federation. Thank you, Randy Savage, for all the wonderful memories for so many years here in the World Wrestling Federation. We wish you nothing but the best. God speed, and good luck. November 28 Vince McMahon: Alright, let's take you back to the Survivor Series, if we may. An unbelievable, stellar performance, singlehandedly, almost annihilating everyone else on the other team until Shawn Michaels decides he wants to get into the ring. And of course, we know what happened after that. I would suggest that was the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. Diesel: Well, you know, we had a strategy where everybody was gonna go in on the Teamsters. We were gonna show what we had as a team. Somehow, when I got in, Shawn decided I would stay in. And when I started to run out of gas–or should I say diesel–Shawn decided it was time to stay in a little bit longer. I Jackknifed Razor Ramon; now Shawn Michaels wants to tag, and we all know how much Shawn loves the spotlight. Don't we? Vince: Oh, yes we do, we definitely know about that. But he didn't exactly get what he thought he was going to get. As a matter of fact, we last saw him in his automobile getting out of town. Diesel: Yeah, I got a message to you, Shawn Michaels, wherever you may be. That is, Survivor Series, you might have got away. And I tell you, if I'd have gotten my hands on you that night, you wouldn't have survived. Vince: Obviously, you did. You survived. As a matter of fact, since Shawn Michaels decided to dump the Tag Team Championship belt in the trash can, obviously there was a dissolutionment [sic] of the Tag Team Championship combination with you and Shawn Michaels. Therefore, Jack Tunney had to make a decision. With "The Hitman" Bret Hart temporarily out of action, you were named #1 contender for your opportunity at Madison Square Garden. Tell us how that felt, that day. Describe that day, if you could. Diesel: Well, I woke up at 4:00 in the morning 'cause I couldn't sleep. I was scheduled to fly in from Pittsburgh about 8:00. I took an earlier flight so I could get into the city. Took a cab from LaGuardia into the city, and decided I'd walk the streets. I walked the streets of New York City; a person here, a person there wishing me good luck. As each person came to me and wished me good luck, I felt a little bit better about my chances. And as the day went on, after a couple hundred people came up to me and said, "hey, Big Daddy, do the job tonight in the Garden. Bring home the gold, Big Daddy," well, like Jackie Gleason says, how sweet it is, because Big Daddy has got that gold! Vince: Yes, but I would suggest that... I suggest you have not heard the last of the man who is the master of the cross-face chickenwing, Bob Backlund. Diesel: Hey, Bob, besides those bowties, which I gotta say are quite stellar. Hey, you're a real wrestler, you're a real man, I respect you. If you get the crossface chicken [sic] on me, hey, it might be trouble for Big D. But you know what, Bob? You gotta get it on me. You gotta get it on me. Vince: Whether or not that can be accomplished, I guess maybe time will tell. "The Hitman" Bret Hart is watching us tonight, temporarily laid up. Matter of fact, we had him on the phone a few minutes ago. Any words for the Hitman? Diesel: Well, I don't know Bret that well. I did combat with Bret in June at King of the Ring. It was 30 minutes of hell. The man is a great competitor, he was a true champion. I don't like the way Bret Hart's belt was taken from him because I think I know and everybody out there knows that, if they were waiting on Bret Hart to give up on his own, Survivor Series would be going on right now. Vince: I'll have to agree with you there. Diesel: Now, I've been a champion for a few hours, a couple of days. It's all new to me. But if there's one thing I can do, one thing I can emulate from Bret "The Hitman" Hart, is I wanna become as he was: a fighting champion. Bret never...[cut off by the cheers] Vince: Yes, the fightingest champion of all time. Diesel: Bret never turned down a challenge. I'm not real proud of the way I got mine, but he didn't turn it down when the time came. And Bret, enjoy that great family you have right now, enjoy your time off. I'm sorry about your injury. But I'll tell you, as a man, with my word and my hand out in front of you, anytime, anywhere, Bret Hart. You want a shot at this belt, brother, you got it. That's a promise from Big D. Vince: Alright. Any last words of wisdom. Diesel: Let me think. On lives the New Generation in the World Wrestling Federation! Yeah! Vince: There you have it! Big Daddy Cool, the new World Wrestling Federation Champion! 1995 November 20 [Diesel comes out to the ring and interrupts a match between Savio Vega and Skip.] Diesel: A lot of people are wondering where Big Daddy Cool's head's at right now. I thought about it and I thought maybe I'd come out here and apologize for what I did to Bret. For what I did to all my dear fans. I don't think so! You know, last night when I went back to my hotel room, I wondered if I could get any sleep. For the first time in a year, I slept like a baby! When I woke up this morning and I looked in the mirror, you know what I saw? I saw a smile on my face! It's the first time I saw myself smile in a year. As I saw myself, not some corporate puppet that you decided to create Vince! No. You missed the ball on this one, baby! You missed the ball. After I won the title, 24 hours later I'm up in Titan Tower with marketing suits, the merchandising suits. "Hey Diesel, we need you to smile a little bit. We need you to be a little more politically correct. A little more corporate." Well baby, what you saw last night was a tip of the iceberg! Big Daddy Cool's back! That same guy you saw in Providence at the Royal Rumble a couple of years ago. [Puts on his shades] The only thing that matters to me right now is my family, my friends, that includes you, Shawn Michaels! And I'm not saying I'm not going to smack hands, but it better have a black glove on it so I know that you're with me. Whether you like me, love me, or hate me, that's the way it's going to be. I'M BACK! 1996 February 19 [after Goldust walks out on Razor Ramon during their Intercontinental Championship match, getting himself counted out but keeping his title] Razor Ramon [taking a microphone]: Hey yo! Cut the music! [his music stops] Everybody, listen...to me. Goldust...I don't want your belt. I want...your ass! [the crowd cheers] Vince McMahon: Well, we said it was RAW! Jerry "The King" Lawler: What?! Razor: You know...I've been hearing so much about...the return, of the "great one"; the legend from the glory days is back. He's our new president, Roddy "Rowdy" Piper. Jerry: He's been knocked senseless, McMahon. Razor: Well Piper, I heard you say one time...that you got six kids. And that makes you "Hot Rod". "Well, Razor...Razor, he loves the little kids." I love the kids, and Piper, you like me, you from the streets - different neighborhoods, same streets. I don't want my kids watching this kind of stuff on TV! [the crowd cheers again] Jerry: What's he saying, McMahon?? Razor: So Piper, the only thing missing, chico...is make a match! I want Goldust, anywhere, anytime! And Goldust! And Goldust, everybody knows...that you want me! You think I'm sexy? You think I'm hot? You right! So Piper, ooh, Roddy "Rowdy" Piper...okay, big shot, I challenge you, you the, uh...matchmaker...make me a match. Goldust, let's have a date. YEAH!! Vince: Razor Ramon, ladies and gentlemen, obviously wants a rematch, with Goldust, and I'm not too sure that he's overly concerned with the title! May 27 Vince McMahon: Alright, standing by, a very unhappy Ted DiBiase. Mr. DiBiase, you're not very happy at all with the latest turn of events, are you? Ted DiBiase: [with Stone Cold Steve Austin] No, I'm not happy at all, McMahon. To say that Savio Vega's victory last night was a fluke, is an understatement. I mean, the lights were out. Who knows how many times Savio Vega touched the turnbuckles. What I'm saying is, there's no way on his best day Savio Vega defeats Stone Cold Steve Austin... Vince: Well, you were counting on Savio being your chauffeur; that did not happen, and Savio Vega was victorious. Now, the rematch has been signed for tomorrow night, and again, it's going to be a Caribbean Strap match, and I would suggest that you still want Savio to...well, that provision, you still want to challenge him, do you? Ted: I want to sweeten the pie, McMahon. Vince: Sweeten the pie? Ted: Savio Vega, you keep that stipulation in there, 'cause you're gonna be my chauffeur. And I'll tell you what. I'm so confident that this man is gonna beat you tomorrow night that I'll put a stipulation in there. If Steve Austin, if Stone Cold Steve Austin doesn't beat you tomorrow night, Savio Vega, the "Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase will forfeit his career! I will leave the World Wrestling Federation! Did you hear me, McMahon?! Did you hear me, Vega?! I will leave the World Wrestling Federation! September 23 Jim Ross: In just a couple of minutes, I'm going to bring Big Daddy Cool, Diesel and Razor Ramon right out here. But before I do, I'd like to beg your indulgence for just a minute and tell you something I got on my mind. There's something I've been wanting to say for a long long time. And when I'm through telling you, many of you are going to question my loyalty to the World Wrestling Federation so let's clear that up right now. I have no loyalty to the World Wrestling Federation, I only got loyalty to good ol' J.R., and let me tell you why. In 1993, I left a great job in Atlanta, Georgia, and I left the Atlanta Falcons of the National Football League to go to the recognized leader of sports entertainment, the WWF. I came here to be the primary play-by-play man in the WWF. I don't think anybody here is going to disagree that I am the best play-by-play man in the whole damn business! So I show up for work the first day at WrestleMania IX in Las Vegas, Nevada, and they give me a sheet to wear. They said, "Oh it's going to be a toga. You'll look good in a toga, J.R." I leave the National Football League for a toga. It's crap! And then, ladies and gentlemen, I go to the first King of the Ring in Dayton, Ohio, and I guarantee you, you listen to that broadcast, I carried the broadcast from ringside. And then did you ever wonder where ol' J.R. went to? Why doesn't ol' J.R. do play-by-play anymore? Let me tell you why. Because the egotistical owner of the World Wrestling Federation—and you know who I'm talking about, I'm talking about Vince McMahon—couldn't stand the competition. So J.R. disappeared. And then on Super Bowl Sunday of 1994, I woke up with an affliction called Bell's Palsy, and my entire left side of my face looked like it had a stroke. You think I like that? You think I like that my left eye doesn't open all the way because I got sick? Well, let me tell you how warm-hearted Mr. McMahon is. Mr. McMahon called me into his office on February 11th, 1994, and he fired my ass! So I get back in my car and I drive into my home in that overpriced hellhole Connecticut, and I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to tell my wife and my two little girls that their daddy had just got fired. And so then, remember when McMahon got indicted? They needed somebody to come back and do Raw? They called up J.R. and then they let me go again. So finally they called me back, hired me back for fifty cents on the dollar to come back and work for the front office. Do you think that all these guys leaving the WWF was an accident? Hell no, it's not! You think all these guys coming here was an accident? Absolutely not, I've been very busy. And right now, I want to bring back one of your favorites. He's the Bad Guy, Razor Ramon! November 11 [Brian Pillman is being interviewed by Vince McMahon and Kevin Kelly at the Pillman house while Stone Cold Steve Austin is out looking for him] Vince McMahon: Notwithstanding the bravado, do you feel like a hostage? Do you feel like a hostage in your own home? Brian Pillman: Hah. Steve is a dead man walking, because when Austin 3:16 meets Pillman [draws and slides pistol on camera to everybody's shock] nine-millimeter Glock... Kevin Kelly: Oh my God, oh my God! Pillman: ...I'm gonna blast his sorry ass straight to hell!! 1997 January 20 [Bret Hart comes into the ring at the start of the show] Bret Hart: There's something I gotta say! Lawler: What's he doing out here? Bret Hart: There's something I gotta say to you! [Points at Vince] You know, when I decided to come back to the World Wrestling Federation, you promised me that I would get an opportunity to fight for the World Wrestling Federation Championship belt. You put me in the ring with Stone Cold Steve Austin and said that if I could beat Stone Cold Steve Austin, that I would be the number one contender for the World Wrestling Federation Championship belt. Now don't you think it's just a little bit convenient that for some stupid reason, Shawn Michaels finds himself out at ringside announcing in my World Championship match with Sycho Sid? I don't think it was any kind of a coincidence either. So Shawn Michaels jumps up and sticks his nose in my business and costs me the World Wrestling Federation Championship Belt with blatant interference. The Boy Toy costs me the championship and they go, "Oh that's okay. Don't worry about it, cause now you can go in the Royal Rumble and you only have to fight 29 other guys and then you'll get your opportunity for the World Wrestling Federation Championship belt." So I went in the ring, and it's very, very clear to me that I won the Royal Rumble and I should be getting a World Wrestling Federation Championship bout. Where is my opportunity? You know, the way I look at things right now, I've been screwed by Shawn Michaels the Boy Toy, I've been screwed by Stone Cold Steve Austin, I've been screwed by the World Wrestling Federation, and I've been screwed by you! (Vince) I don't like to make idle threats, but the way I see things, it doesn't look like I'm going to get my opportunity for a shot at the World Wrestling Federation Championship belt. So I quit! (slams the microphone down.) Steve Austin: You gonna get me a piece of equipment that works, son, or do I have to whip your ass? Bret Hart, you can sit there and bellyache and complain with the best of them, son. Ever since you came back, you ain't done nothing but cry! You sit there and talk about how Vince screwed you, how everybody screwed you, how I screwed you. The bottom line is, son, when the going gets tough, the Harts get going back home! Knock it off! Go on back to Canada, son, because the only person you can possibly beat is your wrinkled up old man in his little old basement. You talk about being jerked around, I've been jerked around for seven years, and then I get here. I'm supposed to face Sycho Sid tonight and some guy, a 350-pound buffoon that calls himself Gorilla Monsoon the commissioner says, "No, no. Sycho Sid is at home with a concussion." Sycho Sid may be at home with a concussion and an ice pack on his head, but he's also got a yellow stripe running right down the middle of his back. As far as Gorilla Monsoon goes, I got a big bunch of bananas and I can tell you where to stick each and every one of them. You want me to face The Undertaker, you can bring his dead ass out here, because I threw him over the top rope last night, and I'll do the exact same thing right now, so bring him out, I got something for him! February 13 (Thursday RAW) [Vince McMahon brings out Shawn Michaels, who talks about his recent woes] Vince McMahon: I know you're just as disappointed, more so than anyone else, that you're not defending the WWF title against Sycho Sid, or for that matter whomever would have been stacked up against you. And no one has taken on more challengers, no one in the history, who has ever won this championship belt, has ever had the schedule, has ever had to endure the kind of schedule that you have so readily taken upon yourself. Shawn Michaels: Well there's uh, one thing about me is I can't do anything halfway and I, and I come here and I hear the people and they chant uh, Sid's name or they chant Bret's name or they chant a lot of peoples' names, and one thing's for sure, you're going to have all of that in the future, um, and that's what I want for the World Wrestling Federation fans. In spite of, uh, what people may think about me, what I've always wanted for all these people is, is for them to have a good time and to enjoy themselves. I've always tried to be the one to provide it whether it was on the good side or the bad side. But what was always important to me was the performance, was the performance so that these people, each time they reached in their pocket, they paid to get a WWF ticket, they didn't regret it because they knew that if they saw my name on the card they could yell, they could come and they could cheer and they could boo and they could do whatever they wanted as long as they had a good time. Over the last couple of months, uh, there's been a lot of talk of people, uh, having bad attitudes and a lot revolving around this belt. Uh, all I know today is that one thing that's not going to revolve around this belt, for a long time, is going to be Shawn Michaels. I don't know where I'm at right now. I have to, uh, I have to have everything checked. I may have... I may be beyond reconstructive surgery. I may, or may not be able to fix it. But if I can't come back and perform at the level I performed at, before... I can't, I can't perform. I can't come out here and just go half-ass. I have to come out here and I have to romp and stomp and I have to get tossed around. I have to toss people around and I have to have fun. The schedule over the last year I took on because I didn't feel like I could say no. I wanted to do everything. I wanted to enjoy my life as the WWF Champion. I wanted to, I wanted to ride in Learjets and ride in limousines and I wanted to be on TV shows and I wanted to do autograph sessions and I got to do every bit of that. If nothing else, I have all of that to take with me. Again, and I know right now we're in the middle of a time where toughness is real big here in the World Wrestling Federation, and unfortunately all I've got right now for you is a lot of sorrow, a lot of tears, and a lot of emotion. I don't have any toughness for anybody, so I guess, here you go, here's your belt. [gives Vince the WWF Championship] What I'm going to do is go back home and see what's left for me; whether it'll be in this ring... whether it'll be out of this ring. I know that over the, uh, the last several months I've lost a lot of things and one of them has been my smile. And, and I know it doesn't mean a whole lot to everybody else, but it means a lot to me. So I have to go back and fix myself, and take care of myself, and I have to go back and I have to find my smile because somewhere along the line I lost it and I don't care, really, I don't care if it's unpopular, and I don't care if, uh, people want to make fun of me because I'm an emotional guy. But, um, this is all I've ever wanted to do and uh, over the last year I got to do it and whether you like me or not, I just want to tell you that, uh, last year was the most wonderful year of my life. And, uh, if I never do get to do it again, it'll be okay because I got to live one full year as being the number one guy in this business and it was the single greatest year of my life. And I have you to thank, and I have everybody here to thank, and it means a lot to me and, uh, I'm gonna go home now. Okay? McMahon: Ladies and gentlemen, SHAWN MICHAELS! March 3 [Vince is showing footage of the Final Four where Stone Cold Steve Austin inadvertently helped Bret Hart win the WWF Title, and later where he hit Bret with a steel chair, causing Sycho Sid to win the title the next night.] Vince: Your response? Do you show any remorse, whatsoever, for your actions? Steve Austin: The only remorse I got is that I didn't hit him harder with that steel chair! Bret Hart runs around talkin' about everybody's screwin' him. Hell, for the past seven years, I've been screwed, and it's the same old song! How come when Shawn Michaels hurts his knee, you make a video out of him? How come when Shawn Michaels gets sick, you tell the world that he's got the FLU?! Well, when I went to the Final Four, I was sick as a dog, and I had a blown out knee! Let me ask you a question: How many one-legged people can go 25 minutes with 3 of the top wrestlers in the world? NONE! Stone Cold Steve Austin went out there, and did just that! And I ain't making fun of no one-legged people, I'm sittin' here just tryin' to make a point. As far as I'm concerned, I truly am the World Wrestling Federation Champion, and can't nobody tell me different! Not you, or ANYBODY! As far as the Submission Match, it's a buncha bull! Bret Hart, he's supposed to be the big technician, the Sharpshooter. BIG DEAL! I don't know a whole lotta couple of submission moves, but it doesn't matter, because I'll beat the hell outta Bret Hart! And as far as Ken Shamrock says on TV the other day; "Oh, I don't know. Bret Hart's the better technician, but Stone Cold ain't got no quit in him." Well, you hit the nail right on the head, son, because I ain't got no quit in me at all! And you can bet your bottom dollar that Stone Cold ain't gonna look at the referee and say "I quit! I submit! I've had too much!" There ain't NOBODY... there ain't NOBODY in wrestling who can make me QUIT! And that's the bottom line, 'cuz Stone Cold SAYS SO! Vince: Why of all this... why are you so bitter? Why this bitterness?! Steve Austin: You treat me like a dog, and you expect me to SMILE? You remind me of a jackass! March 17 [Bret Hart has just lost a WWF title cage match with Sycho Sid] Jim Ross: We're back here ladies and gentlemen, a few more moments and Vince McMahon is going talk to a very, obviously a very consumate Bret Hart. Vince: Bret Hart, you've got to be terribly frustrated. Extremely frustrated over what has just happened. [Bret shoves Vince down and takes the mike] Lawler: WHOA!! Bret Hart: FRUSTRATED ISN'T THE GODDAMN WORD FOR IT!! THIS IS BULLSHIT!!! Jim Ross: We apologize, ladies and gentlemen. Bret Hart: YOU'VE SCREWED ME, EVERYBODY'S SCREWED ME AND NOBODY DOES A GODDAMN THING ABOUT IT! NOBODY IN THE BUILDING CARES, NOBODY IN THE DRESSING ROOM CARES, SO MUCH GODDAMN INJUSTICE AROUND HERE, I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE!! Jim Ross: We apologize ladies and gentlemen. Bret Hart: EVERYBODY KNOWS IT! I KNOW IT! EVERYBODY KNOWS IT! I SHOULD BE THE WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION CHAMPION! Lawler: Get him out of the ring! Bret Hart: EVERYBODY JUST KEEPS TURNING A BLINDS EYE! YOU KEEP TURNING A BLINDS EYE TO IT! I GOT THAT GORILLA MONSOON, HE TURNS A BLINDS EYE TO IT! EVERYBODY IN THAT GODDAMN DRESSING ROOM KNOWS THAT I'M THE BEST THERE IS, THE BEST THERE WAS, AND THE BEST THERE EVER WILL BE! Lawler: Cut him off! Bret Hart: AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, TOUGH SHIT!! Steve Austin: Conspiracy my ass Bret! All you want to do anytime you go in the ring is cry like a baby! I tried to go out there and help you and you threw it all away because you're a loser! It could have been you and me for the championship at WrestleMania, but you blew the whole damn thing because you're a loser! At WrestleMania, you will quit and one of these days when it's you and me for the title, you're looking at the next champ. AND THERE AIN'T NOTHIN' YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT! Bret Hart: [As Austin begins saying "At WrestleMania,...] You know why they call you Stone Cold? Because your stones are so cold, you won't come out here and step in the ring with me myself! You always got to jump me from behind! You haven't got the guts to come out here! COME ON!! Everybody knows whether it's Sycho Sid, [Sid comes out] If you think for one second that that belt belongs to you, you are wrong! It is my belt. You know it, I know it and everybody in this building knows it! Sid: I don't know shit, crybaby! Bret Hart: Come on! [as Bret Hart brawls with Steve Austin and Undertaker brawls with Sid] Vince: Bret Hart has snapped! Bret Hart thought for sure he would be the WWF champion and there's no conspiracy! Bret Hart, ladies and gentlemen is talking about a conspiracy. There is no conspiracy at all, only in his head and it's sad that a man as great as Bret Hart has resorted to this! This is not what we've talked about! This is not the legacy of Bret Hart! Not this! Not this bawling! Not this whining! Not this crying! [officials pull Bret away from Austin] Lawler: You're right! He's snapped McMahon! He's lost it! Get him out of here, drag him out! [Bret nails Pat Patterson and goes back to Austin] Vince: OH HE JUST HIT, HE JUST HIT HALL OF FAMER PAT PATTERSON!! THAT DIRTY ROTTEN SON OF A...!! March 24 Vince: Ladies and gentlemen, joining us now, yes, from the ultimate fighting war... world, rather, yes, it is war, for sure. There is Ken Shamrock, and Mr. Shamrock, in your officiating last night, firstly, why did you stop the match? Ken Shamrock: Well, you know, I was in the match, and Steve Austin was in a great deal of pain even throughout the whole match. I asked him several times; he did not respond. As far as I could see, he was unconscious, I had to stop the match in order to protect his body because he was in severe, severe shape. So that is why I stopped the fight. Vince: Alright, but you did not hear him say the words, "I quit," did you? You did not hear him say the words, "I quit," did you? Ken: No, the words weren't said, "I quit," but when a man goes unconscious and he cannot protect himself properly, that is why I was hired to do this match: was to make sure one man won. There was no cheating around, there was no holds here. And therefore, when Steve Austin passed out, he could not protect himself. So therefore, that is why I stopped the fight. Vince: Alright, but then, as he could not protect himself, "The Hitman" Bret Hart, after the match was officially over, went back and attacked Stone Cold Steve Austin. Ken: Yes, he did. And, you know, throughout the match there, there was a lot of dishing out pain going on in there, but one of the things that I guess I had to step in on was because after Stone Cold was on the mat, he was passed out and really could not protect himself, the reason why I stopped the match, Bret Hart decided to take it upon himself to go in there and put more pain upon him. And from what I could see, he was trying to end Stone Cold Steve Austin's career. I had to step in and stop that. Vince: Indeed. Well, the Hitman wanted no part of you, no doubt about that. Let me ask you, as far as your opinion of Stone Cold Steve Austin. What is your opinion of him as far as last night' match is concerned? Ken: Well, you know, particularly... me and Steve Austin have had some harsh words in the past. I particularly really don't care for him much. But there's one thing you cannot take from this man. Let me tell you, he went through a lot of pain, and there was no quit in that man. He kept fighting and fighting. You got to give him that, he is one tough character. I've seen a lot of tough people going through my life, going through the no holds barred competitions, and this guy is by far one of the toughest guys that I've seen. Vince: All right, thank you very much for joining us. Bret Hart: First of all, I wanna apologize. I'd like to apologize to all my fans over in Germany. I'd like to apologize to all my fans over in Great Britain. Actually, I like to apologize to all my fans all over Europe. All over Japan and the far east. I like to apologize to my fans in the middle east. All the way as far down as South Africa. And I especially like to apologize for all my great fans in Canada. And to you, my great fans across the United States of America...to you, I apologize for nothing! You know, it seems real strange to me that no matter how much I try that when I beat Stone Cold Steve Austin to a bloody pulp, I thought to myself, no matter how much I win, when I walked back to the dressing room. The way you American fans treat me across the United States of America, I feel like I lost. I mean I took a gutless creep like Stone Cold Steve Austin and beat him to a bloody pulp, even though he knows, and you all know that he lost, you cheer him on the way back to the dressing room like he won! You know it didn't just start right here. Let's go back to WrestleMania last year when I was the World Wrestling Federation Champion. When that belt was around my waist and where it belonged. You cheered on a pretty boy like Shawn Michaels and you allowed him to screw me out of the World Wrestling Federation Championship belt. I found myself sitting at home watching the WWF on TV in Canada and saying to myself, "The World Wrestling Federation needs a hero, they need a role model. They need someone to look up to." Not somebody who has earrings all over himself and tattoos. Not somebody who poses for girly magazines. By the way, I don't think it was a girly magazine, I think it was a gay magazine! So I felt this calling to come back to set the record straight and clean up the World Wrestling Federation. So I came back in the Survivor Series and I beat Stone Cold Steve Austin there and I think I garnered a little bit of respect. Then I found myself stepping in the ring with Sycho Sid and your hero, your pride and joy Shawn Michaels costs me the World Wrestling Federation championship belt. Nobody cared! Nobody did anything about it! You people didn't do anything about it. They say "Oh, don't worry about that. You can get in line with 29 other guys and you can go in the Royal Rumble." So being the man that I am, I got no problem fighting 29 other guys. So I went in the Royal Rumble, and I won. I was the last legal man standing in the Royal Rumble. But again, everyone just turns their back on it. You somehow justify in your minds that Stone Cold Steve Austin won. You know, a better man would've quit. Maybe I should have quit and gone home. Vince: You did Bret, that's what you threatened. Bret Hart: I got Gorilla Monsoon and Vince McMahon on their hands and knees begging me to come back. "Don't quit! Think of your fans." Well, I thought of my fans and I came back. And they come up with this idea for the Final Four. The winner of the Final Four will get a World Wrestling Federation title fight at WrestleMania 13. That sounds good to me. So I accept, I came back. Then all of a sudden, your champion, your hero, Shawn Michaels comes up with this life ending, career ending knee injury and he forfeits the title so he can go home and find his smile. But that's okay, you people think that that's just fine. I see people in the audience crying for that. You talk about me crying. So I go into the Final Four with the outcome now being that whoever wins the Final Four will now be the World Wrestling Federation Champion. And who won the Final Four? I did. Right in the middle of the ring, I defeated three other guys in one night. I defeated Vader, I defeated Stone Cold Steve Austin, and I defeated the Undertaker, and I became the World Wrestling Federation Champion for a fourth time. Then they come up to me and go "Well wait a minute! You don't get to rest even though you fought three other guys, even though you're beat up and sore. You got to go in the ring and fight 6'9" Sycho Sid, and defend the title." Do you think I ran and hid? Do you think and found me forfeiting any titles? NO! I put the title on the line and I took Sycho Sid and I tied him in a big knot right in the middle of the ring. There he was in the Sharpshooter after being booed all the way through the match by my American wrestling fans, you somehow justify, only in America you can do this, Stone Cold Steve Austin climbs into the ring and whacks me in the back of the head with a chair. Somehow, you justify that that's okay, that's acceptable in America. So I ask, or as you see it, I cried to Gorilla Monsoon. I asked and I begged and I pleaded and I said "Give me Stone Cold Steve Austin. Give me a match with this guy who seems to be making my life a miserable hell." So I got Stone Cold Steve Austin and they agree to a match, a submission match. And then they go, "Wait, we have some even better news for you. We will give you Sycho Sid in a 15-foot high steel cage match and no one will be able to interfere in that and you will have your shot at the World Wrestling Federation championship belt because we respect you." Well in that match, outside interference played a big factor again and somehow for some reason, The Undertaker is out there and he finds himself slamming my head in the door and he costs me the World Wrestling Federation Championship belt for the 5th time. So I got one thing on my mind. After being screwed over by everybody in the World Wrestling Federation, after being abandoned by all you good fans right here in the United States of America, I decide that I'm going to go into this submission match with Stone Cold Steve Austin and give him every bit of what he deserves, just a good old fashioned ass whipping. And so when I do it, when I actually take that lousy stinking hyena Stone Cold Steve Austin and beat him to a bloody pulp, you somehow find it in your hearts to abandon me and cheer for him. You know, I've proven myself so many times in the World Wrestling Federation and I've tried to be everything that you wanted me to be that it seems to me that you don't understand. You don't understand what it means to have dignity, to have poise, to bring prestige to the World Wrestling Federation, to be a man that brings a little class. Because you rather cheer for heroes like Charles Manson and O.J Simpson. Nobody glorifies criminal conduct like the Americans do and all the countries around the world, they still respect what's right and what's wrong. Respect. Now that we made everything real clear with ourselves tonight, it's obvious to me that all you wrestling fans coast to coast, you don't respect me. Well the fact is, I don't respect you. You don't deserve it. So from here on in, the American wrestling fans coast to coast can KISS MY ASS!! [Shawn Michaels comes out to the ring] Shawn Michaels: Yo, Hitman! Let's get one thing perfectly straight. You can come out here and say whatever you want about me. Everyone does. And you don't have to explain to me or the World Wrestling Federation that you would never give up the WWF title because no one knows better than me or the WWF that it takes a hand written note from the lord almighty to take that belt from you. But Bret, what you don't understand is just because I come out here and choose to live my life openly and freely instead of putting a facade like you does not make a you a better man Bret. I am well aware of my faults. I can admit them up and down the line. And as far as Steve Austin is concerned, Bret, I was there last night. He didn't give up, alright? Now I'm no fan of Steve Austin but he passed out and even you have to admit somewhere in there, there's gotta be some of the old Hit Man left, even you have to admit that he is one tough S.O.B. Now Bret, I have tried and tried and tried to take the high road and I am in no shape to wrestle and I know, you're tougher than me blahblahblah, whole thing. I admit that, that's fine. I don't have to be number one Bret. I don't obsess like you do. I do it because I like it. You do this because in your mind, marked man, you really think that all of this is yours! Now what you need to understand is that every time they reach into their pocket to watch you, me or anybody else is that they have the right to cheer or boo anybody that they want! Now, hey, you don't have to tell me "They're cheering me now." But they've booed me before. But you didn't see me getting all bent out of shape about it. You wanna know why Bret? It's because in this country, we something that's called the first amendment. And that amendment allows us to live our lives as we sit fit as long as it's causing harm to no one. If that guy there wants to stick a belly button piercing through his navel he can do it whether you like it or not! If that girl over there chooses to go out with someone you don't you approve of, "Tough kitty" said the kittie if she's going to do it! Now I'm going to get on my high and mighty roller coaster Bret. But you my friend, you gotta look at this, I'm in no shape to go. But if you want to go? What the hell? Let's go now. Vince: Don't tell me. Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels. Shawn is in no condition to wrestle here. Lawler: Then what's he doing out there? Vince: Because he's got more guts than brains. Lawler: Right. Shawn Michaels: Do you know something? We've got a saying in the United States in American and it's called "America, Love it or Leave it!" Bret Hart: Shawn Michaels, Boy Toy, I think you should go back to the dressing room, get the hell out of my face. Shawn Michaels: You know me, Bret, I'm not real good with authority. By the way, how did you know I was in that girly magazine? You couldn't help yourself, could you? You had to flip through the pages just a little bit! [Bret attacks Shawn in the injured knee and puts him in the figure four around the ring post.] [Bret comes back out to do commentary during the Rocky Maivia/Leif Cassidy match-up] Vince: What has made you snap, Bret Hart? Bret Hart: I haven't snapped, I just opened my eyes. Vince: What?! Bret Hart: I call it opening my eyes! Why don't you open yours? Everybody in this building, they sit here and they cheer on Stone Cold Steve Austin, all these guys that set no example for anybody anywhere. And they have the nerve to actually cheer these guys on? Undertaker, there's a great role model. You know, I've had it up to here; I think people should open their eyes. I was the guy going to the ring every night wearing a white hat, trying to be a good person. Trying to be someone they could look up to. Vince: [As Shawn Michaels is shown being carried to an ambulance.] There's a good person. Look what you just did, Shawn Michaels. Bret Hart: Hey, I didn't ask him to come to the ring! I was trying to make a point and that is the point right there. Look at the screen, that is the point. I've had it up to here! Understand? Very simple. Vince: I think we do. But again, I don't understand the logic. I don't understand why you're throwing away your legacy! You're throwing it away! You're flushing your legacy down the toilet, Bret! Bret Hart: I didn't flush any legacy down any toilet. My toilet was flushed by all these people right here in this building. Not just in this building, but every building that I've wrestled in in the last three or four months. The only place I went to where I got a little respect was in Germany or England. Everywhere else-- or Canada. But in the United States of America, little kids holding up signs going "You suck!" You know what? I don't suck, they do! Vince: It's almost as if you're at war with yourself. Bret Hart: No, I'm not at war. Hey I feel like I got a million pounds off my chest. You want to see bad? I'll show you bad. Bad is something that you have never seen the likes of. You want to talk about wickedly bad? I'll show you wickedly bad! [runs into the ring and attacks Rocky Maivia] May 19 Jim Ross: What do you think the biggest misconceptions are that the WWF fans have as it relates to Mankind? Mankind: That I'm a... bad person. Jimmy, there's plenty of good reasons to hate me. I just don't want people to hate me for untruths, impartial truths, and rumors. You see, when I was a kid, I played Cowboys and Indians. Now who were the good guys? The cowboys coming over the hill, to rape, pillage innocent women and children. I was always the Indian, Jimmy. I always stood for the underdog. If that makes me a bad person, standing up for what I believe in, then I guess you got me dead to rights, I'm a bad man. Mankind: I was eight years old, at Minnesauke Elementary School, playing a game of "kill the guy with the ball," which may even be an Olympic sport these days. And in chasing one of the other students, I made a leap for his legs, and the back of his foot kicked me in the lip. And I didn't know what happened. I knew it hurt, Jimmy, I knew it hurt bad. But all of a sudden, people started looking at me in a different way, like there was something wrong with me. I looked down at my Chicago Bears, back in the days when they were two and twelve in the waning days of Dick Butkus, and my Chicago Bears white sweatshirt, it suddenly turned red. And children were running from me, scared. I was bleeding, I was in pain... and I was loving it, because I felt like I'd finally found something in my life that I could better than everybody else, handle pain. Someone said "Ah, that's just vampire blood," and then saw the open wound from which the blood was flowing. I've still got that shirt, Jimmy, and I remember thinking, "Wouldn't it be nice if I could do something in my life where I could do this all the time?" Get that attention every night... stockbrokers can't do it... teachers can't do it... the President of the United States can't bleed for a living... but pro wrestlers can. It's the first time that I realized that I had a calling in my life, and I followed it right down the line. That's all I wanted to do. My brother and I watched them all. Chief Jay Strongbow... Bruno Sammartino... the Valiant Brothers, that's what we wanted to be. Then I broke his nose by backdropping him into his bedroom wall, and mom said "no more wrestling." But she didn't say "no more dreaming." Mankind: You know, I wanna tell my son, when he gets to be fifteen, not to be the guy who eats strange things. I never exactly brought it upon myself. Other people and their cliques, for lack of a better word, they would gang up on me because I was different, because I acted different, looked different. They were throwing worms at me, Jimmy. Little wiggly worms they were throwing at me. Bending down in athletic class, doing my hurdler's stretch, and there was a bombardment of worms being thrown at me. So what do you do to retaliate? Do you throw the worm back, at seven or eight people? It's not the fact they were hurting me, they were wounding my pride. They were looking at me like I was garbage. So I picked up the largest specimen, Jimmy, and I sucked it down! To show them that their attempt to hurt my pride would not be successful... I thought, Jimmy, that I had shown them. But then sure enough, the story became exaggerated as everything in life does, and it no longer became, "Well, Mickey Foley ate one worm because some kids were picking on him." It became, "Mickey Foley eats a plateful of worms every day." Do you think I got many dates after that, Jimmy? Jim Ross: Probably not. Mankind: Do you think girls wanted to kiss a boy who had worms on his breath? I'm a good kisser, but I never got the chance to show it! What am I gonna do, practice on myself, Jimmy?! I never had the chance to show the world that I could love and could be loved, because they ruled me out because I had a strange appetite for strange things! I'm not gonna say I didn't accept money to eat other strange things, but the fact is the damage had been done, and I went through my entire high school days without date number one! You don't think that scarred my soul?! Well, maybe you're not looking deep enough! May 26 Mankind: It was 1983, and upstate New York, with its endless rolling fields, might be a nice place for a lot of boys. But not when Jimmy Snuka and Don Muraco were in a cage in October in Madison Square Garden, that's where I wanted to be! I didn't wanna ride horses along a field, I didn't wanna fish for trout in a stream, I wanted to be where the blood and guts were, Jimmy. So I put out my thumb, Jimmy, and it took me sixteen or seventeen hours, but I made my way up to the Garden. It took just about all the money I had in the world, but I got a front row seat. And I saw the move that would change my life, when Jimmy Snuka came off the top of the cage, and I saw people stand up, and I saw people cheer, and I know I wasn't the only person who's life was changed in that arena. And I realized, Jimmy... that I wanted to do the same thing. I wanted to hear people cheer for me because of some act of bravery that I committed. I wanted to hear and see people's emotions, I wanted to see children cry out of-- out of love for me, the things I could do inside a ring. That's my first time in Madison Square Garden, and my parents weren't there. I did it just like I've done just about everything else in my life, all by myself. Mankind: I made a movie when I was eighteen, about myself, maybe as a type of escape, where I was a wrestler. And it's strange, the first time I ever met Shawn Michaels... you know him? Jim Ross: Oh, yeah. Very well. Mankind: He looked at my scarred and battered body. He didn't know me, but he knew the legend of who I was before. And he said, "Is this the way you always envision yourself?" Looking somewhat down on me. And I said, "No. You know, the strange thing is I always imagined myself being you." And he said, "You mean the champ?" I said, "No. I mean, the girls... jewelry... the tattoos... the love." So in my movie, I was not Mick Foley, I sure as hell wasn't Mankind, I was Dude Love. [footage of "Dude Love" is shown] Dude Love: We are gonna tear this rotten apple to its stinking New York core! And while we're here, we're here for only one reason, one reason only! Fame, honor, fortune, glory, to destruct, to destroy, and to take that WWF championship belt, that World Wrestling Federation championship belt... Mankind: And during the course of the movie, dating back to my experience at Madison Square Garden, I decided I was going to do something heroic. I was going to do something that would make people cheer for me. So, I ascended up onto my friend's roof, and I dove off. Mankind: I knew I wasn't ready to be Dude Love yet. I never wanted to be Cactus Jack. I figured, "Here is a horrible name for a horrible wrestler. And by golly, as soon as I get the ability, then I'll get that heart-shaped tattoo on my chest. I'll put those ear rings in, and I'm gonna get the girls." And it never really worked out that way, did it, Jimmy? Jim Ross: Not quite. Mankind: I guess nature didn't cooperate with me. Cactus Jack was supposed to be around for three months... he stayed for eleven years. June 30 Paul Bearer: "Well, we're gonna have to go back a few years, Mr. McMahon. About 20 years to be exact. We're talking about a little funeral home, sitting up on a hill – beautiful old trees all around – and a wonderful, wonderful family-owned funeral home. The family lived upstairs. The father was a mortician who ran the funeral home. The mother was the secretary, the receptionist. But there were two little kids there. One kid was a little red headed punk. And then there was a second kid – a sweet little kid named Kane. Now I was the apprentice at the funeral home. I worked under the red headed punk's father, who by now you properly know as The Undertaker. The Undertaker's father was a mortician of excellence. He told me everything I know. He told me the correct way to prepare a body for burial, how to do the make-up, how to deal with the families. He told me from A to Z. But while I was working on the funeral home, I've seen a lot of things going on, that shouldn't been happening. This little red-headed punk, there was nothing funny about him. He had a look in his eye – the look of the devil! It was the devil's see if you know what I mean. What was so sad about the whole situation, is that poor little Kane, the little brother followed The Undertaker around everywhere he went. The Undertaker was little Kane's hero. Anything The Undertaker did was fine. It went on for about two years, my apprenticeship. I was at the college that night taking courses at Mortuary Science at the same time. The Undertaker and Kane would run around the funeral home like wild men. They had three reigning properties. They'd sneak out behind the garage. I'd see what they were doing. Their mom and daddy wouldn't see what they were doing but I saw what they were doing. I saw them, taking chemicals out of the embalming room in that funeral home. I saw them sneaking behind the garage, smoking cigarettes - when they were little kids. But you know, one particular afternoon I was leaving to go to school. As I backed my car out of the funeral home, I looked behind and who do I see? That red head devil-seen Undertaker with his little brother. Something wasn't funny – it ain't. Something didn't seem right. But I went ahead and to the drive way, went to school. I came back from school about ten o'clock that night. And what do I see? I see fire trucks. I see ambulance. I see steam and smoke and I see that funeral home in ashes. Someone burnt down the funeral home. Inside that funeral home was this lovely family that took care of me. I looked over to the bushes. Who did I see in the bushes but The Undertaker? Undertaker, you burnt the funeral home to the ground. And along with the funeral home, you killed your parents. You killed your family, Undertaker! I know it. I've had to stick that on my inside all my life – 20 years. You've killed them. Undertaker, you are a MURDERER! YOU ARE A MURDERER! YOU'RE A GOD-DAMN MURDERER! July 7 Bret Hart: A few weeks ago, I was told ‘America: love it or leave it.’ Well, I’ve traveled all around the world, I’ve been all over the United States of America, and the one thing that I’ve in particular looked forward to is loving leaving it! [after Stone Cold Steve Austin defeats Hunter Hearst Helmsley thanks to interference from Mankind, whom Helmsley hit in the head with a steel chair. Austin grabs a microphone] Jim Ross: This could be damning. Vince McMahon: I hope he doesn’t say anything to the Canadians. Steve Austin: Get your ass up, you long-haired freak! McMahon: He’s talking - he’s talking to, to Mankind. Austin: There ain’t no way one chair can keep your ass down, get in the ring! [Mankind crawls into the ring] You come out here every week, saying “Pick me, Steve! Pick me, Steve!”. I’ll lay it on the line for you, you piece of trash: I don’t like you one bit! But I’ll damn sure go to war with you, if that’s what you want. All you gotta do is shake my hand, and we’re a tag team. Jerry Lawler: Whoa! Ross: Well, I guess the man with the personality of a rattlesnake is softening a little bit. Lawler: Finally Mankind gets what he wants! Ross: All Mankind ever wanted was to be accepted. [Mankind outstretches his arms] Lawler: He don’t want a handshake, he wants a hug! [Mankind and Austin share a big hug] McMahon: I can’t believe it. Another moment in the WWF. Mankind, now a partner - [suddenly Austin gives Mankind the Stone Cold Stunner] - oh! Ross: No! No! Not the Stunner! Damn him! Austin: DTA, you stupid piece of trash! Don’t ever trust nobody! You ain’t gonna be my partner, never, ‘cause you’re a long-haired freak, and you suck! [drops the microphone and raises his arms for the crowd] McMahon: My! Can’t believe that! [Austin leaves the ring and walks up the ramp to the cheers of the crowd] Ross: Well, if you’d like to have a pet rattlesnake, I’ll give you Austin’s phone number! McMahon: Thank you, no. This capacity crowd- Mankind [grabbing the microphone]: Austin! Austin!! I was just looking for a little bit of respect. I was looking for a friend, and you’ve ruined that all!! Austin [from the top of the entrance ramp, grinning]: Damn right! Mankind: So it’s become very apparent, that drastic measures will be taken! Because, next week, well, I’m going to have to do something I never thought I’d do again. [Austin leaves] And it will become very obvious that the World Wrestling Federation will never be the same! Steve Austin, you will never be the same! And without a doubt next week, Mankind...will NEVER BE THE SAME!!! [whimpers] August 4 Vince: Well, I guess maybe that pretty much tells you something - a mixed reaction by this capacity crowd. And there is no doubt whether you did your job or you didn't do your job, but if it haven't had been for you, the Undertaker might still be the World Wrestling Federation Champion. Shawn: So let me get this straight. You, the Undertaker, Bret "The Hitman" Hart and — the best that I can tell — all of the fans of the World Wrestling Federation are dumpin' this in my lap! Vince: I don't know if that's necessarily fair... Shawn: Shut up! Because you know something? It's just like you, it's just like Bret Hart and whether anybody in this arena likes it or not, it's just like all the fans of the World Wrestling Federation to not take responsibility for themselves and pass the buck on to the Heartbreak Kid because everybody knows I don't give a damn what anybody thinks of me! Shut up! I went out there last night, for the first time in my career put on a referee's shirt and did one hell of a job. I called it down the middle. Right or wrong? Vince: Yes, you did. Shawn: Exactly. Vince: May I ask you a pertinent question, please? Shawn: Yeah, cough it up! Vince: Alright, it's on a lot of people's minds. It's something like this — it's controversial as it always is: Are you in any way in cahoots with Bret Hart? As preposterous as that may sound, a lot of people are wondering that. Shawn: You know, I've always known you are a nimrod, but now you have convinced me that you are the dumbest sonofabitch I've ever met in my life. Vince: Well, first of all, I don't appreciate that. Let's get that straight, okay? Shawn: Ooohh, shoot me while I shudder in my loafers, McMahon! Vince: Well you just might be shuddering come September 7, when you step into this ring with the Undertaker. That's when you gonna be shuddering! You can take this here. Shawn: Get your ass out of here! [Vince leaves] You can move it or lose it, McMahon! Let me tell everybody what the story is. I am not in any way, shape or form in cahoots with Bret Hart. It is no secret that Bret Hart doesn't like me, Bret Hart doesn't respect me, but one thing is for damn sure, Bret Hart needs me! Because I am the only man in the World Wrestling Federation that has beat his ass! And that is the truth! And Undertaker... Undertaker, you and I, for as long as we've been in the World Wrestling Federation have never crossed paths. EXCEPT FOR NOW! Crowd: [chanting] Michaels sucks! Shawn: Oh, I'm gonna tell you people something. Undertaker, the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels lays down for absolutely no one! I don't do it for Bret Hart, I don't do it for you, I don't do it for the fans of the World Wrestling Federation, I don't do it for anybody. Undertaker, the next time you see Shawn Michaels, his Super... Crowd: You suck! Shawn: Ten years! Ten years I've given you, and this is the respect that you give me. Each and everyone of you can go to hell! Undertaker, the next time you'll see me, my Superkick is gonna be one foot down your throat! August 18 Jim Ross: Steve, I want to thank you for allowing us to come to your hotel room here, I know you've got a very busy and a very crucial 24-hour period here in Philadelphia, seeing a specialist tomorrow about your neck, but thanks for giving us a little of your time. Steve Austin: Well you're welcome for the time, but if you're here to ask a bunch of questions, you might as well start asking, otherwise I'll throw your ass out the window. And to come to the hotel room, this ain't a hotel room that I would stay at! You know, when I got hurt at SummerSlam, when I got dumped on my head, no one called me and said, "Hey, Steve, you okay?" No one ever sent a card, nothin' like that. Not that I would expect it, but at least I would have, you know, maybe a call just to see what the hell's goin' on with the hottest damn wrestler in the world, but I got nothin'! So the WWF sees fit to put me in a room like this, with all this fruit and trash like this, you want a pear? [Starts tossing fruit at Jim Ross] You want an apple? You want a banana or somethin'? Here, make yourself at home, man! [Austin tosses the entire fruit basket at Ross] But if you got questions to ask, you go ahead and ask 'em, 'cause I'm gettin' a little tired of you! Jim Ross: I'd like you to address three things, if you don't mind. Steve Austin: Sure. Jim Ross: One is SummerSlam, your paralysis after being driven in the mat from the Tombstone by Owen Hart; the second thing is what the doctors have told you; and thirdly, and lastly, what you perceive your future to be here in the WWF. Steve Austin: Well, let's start with SummerSlam. The bottom line is I'm the Intercontinental Champion. Right? Jim Ross: Right. Steve Austin: Well, that's that. But aside from that, at the end of the match, close to the end of the match when Owen Hart dumped me on my head - you figure I weight 245, 250, bam, you get planted in the mat, shit happens! And that's, for basically about 50 seconds there, I couldn't move my arms or my legs, and I didn't know if I ever would move again! It felt pretty damn scary, so, um, you know, I'm through with that, looking past that, I've watched that on tape probably 30 or 40 times and it still sucks every time I see it! But I'm over it, and I'm movin' around, and I'm happy about that! But Owen Hart has got hell to pay! You get dumped on your head, you get in the position that I was put in, it ain't worth a damn. And I, I'm just, uh, a little bit pissed off No, I'm not a little pissed off, I'm a whole lot pissed off, but you know what they say, it's better to be pissed off than pissed on. But Owen Hart's got hell to pay when I come back, and as you say, you've got another question, what was the other question? Jim Ross: The doctors, you've seen several doctors... Steve Austin: I've seen a couple of doctors, and one guy said, uh, uh, "Maybe you should do something else." Well, Steve Austin doesn't do anything else, what I do is wrestle, and I'm the best wrestler in the world, and can't nobody tell me different! So I'm supposed to see the top guy, uh, the top spine guy in the country tomorrow here in Philadelphia, and see what he has to say, and it doesn't matter really what he says, the end result, the decision's mine! He can sit there and say, "Don't do this, try not to do this," whatever, but the bottom line is I'm the one that makes the decision, so I'll sit there, rethink things, and go from there. But regardless of what he says, Owen Hart's got hell to pay! You know, when you do something to...when you do what he did to me, you know, if it's my last step in life, you can damn well bet he's gonna get the shit kicked out of him one way or the other, and that's it. You know, I don't know when, where or how, or what, but it's gonna happen. As far as my future - don't sit there and try to butt in because I'm talkin', right? Okay, as far as my future goes, hell, like I said, I'll listen to what the doctor says, but I'm gonna do what I want. The future for Steve Austin, as far as I'm concerned, is to put on his black trunks and black boots and show up. Im'ma take a few days off, I'll probably take a few weeks off, because, you know, when you're sittin' there at the house, you watch a film of, uh, you gettin' paralyzed for another 50 seconds, you watch that 30 or 40 times, you know, it kinda, you get a little depressed! So I drank a few cases of beer, I'll tell you exactly what I did. I just ride around in my Ford, drink a few beers and sit there and think about it. But, uh, I'm gonna go see this doctor and see what he has to say, and, but as far as I'm concerned, the only way I can see my future is to be Stone Cold Steve Austin, continue on right through the top in the WWF, just like I've done since I've been here! All the damn bureaucratic red tape, all the bullshit I've been through, it's taken me eight years to get where I'm at right now! If you think for one split second that a piledriver's gonna stop me, it ain't gonna happen. Did it slow me down? Damn right, but it ain't gonna stop me. Ground Zero, Sub-Zero, whatever the hell you wanna call it, Louisville, I'll be there! Whether it's to hand the belt over, if I decide maybe it's time to hang it up, I'll do that! I don't think that's gonna happen. I think when, uh, Ground Zero rolls around, you'll see Stone Cold - don't wipe your nose, it pisses me off - you'll see Stone Cold Steve Austin - and don't smile - you'll see Stone Cold Steve Austin in a black pair of trunks and a black pair of boots, and I'll be out there whippin' somebody's ass! I don't know what kind of match it is, it's some kind of little, uh, four tag teams of some kind of shit like that, is that right? Jim Ross: That's right. Steve Austin: Okay, well, I'll be there! And... what gets me is, is that Steve Austin's in a new level now, because, you know, if,if I was pissed off before, I'm a lot more pissed off now, and that makes me even more dangerous, not a liability, and that's the bottom line! You got anything else you wanna say? Jim Ross: No sir. Steve Austin: Then get the hell out. September 22 [Before the police arrest Austin, Vince comes into the ring] Vince: What’s the matter with you?! Get ahold of yourself! Lawler: Arrest him! Vince: [To the police] Just give me a minute. Just give me a minute! [To Austin] What is the matter with you? You had to forfeit the Intercontinental title, the Tag Team title, of course everybody can understand why you’re upset. I can understand you being upset not being able to compete, I can understand that. But don’t break the law! Lawler: He already did...look at this! Jim Ross: Stone Cold's not gonna win this fight with New York City's finest. Vince: Don't you understand? Don’t you understand why you’re not allowed to compete? Can’t you get that through your head? Don’t you know why? Don’t you know that you’re not physically able to compete? Your doctors say you’re not ready. If you compete, you could injure yourself for good! You could wind up paralyzed! And the WWF is not gonna stand by and let you do that to yourself. These people don’t want you to wind up in a wheelchair! They wanna see you compete. Everybody wants to see you compete. But in due time, Steve. In due time. [Austin looks at his watch] Lawler: Listen to McMahon, get the violins. Vince: Get ahold of yourself. Jim Ross: He's telling the truth. Makes all the sense in the world. Lawler: [indicating the cops] He'd better be talking to those guys over there. I say put him in the slammer! Vince: Listen, don’t you know people care? In the World Wrestling Federation, we care. They care, they care about you, that’s all it is. And you just gotta go with it. In other words, you simply, you gotta work within the system. That’s all you gotta do, is just work within the system. Steve Austin: You know as well as I do that this is what I do for a livin’. This is all that I do, and can’t nobody tell I ain’t the best in the damn world. Don’t even say nothin’. Don’t say nothin’. You sit here and tell me to work within the system. You ain’t the one sittin’ on your ass in the house like I am. But if that’s what it takes to make you or the World Wrestling Federation happy, hell, I feel like Cool Hand Luke. I’ll work within your stupid little system. Vince: That's all that these people a— Steve Austin: I appreciate the fact that you and the World Wrestling Federation care. And I also appreciate the fact...that, hell, you can kiss my ass! [Austin kicks McMahon in the gut and Stuns him] Jim Ross: Oh, God! Oh my God! Lawler: Put him in jail! Put him in jail right now! [Hunter Hearst Helmsley is waiting for his match with Dude Love with a chain in hand, but the Dude appears on the TitanTron] Dude Love: Oh, ho ho ho ho! Owww, have mercy! Hunter and especially your finer Chyna, I know what you must be thinking. 'Dude, what are you doing back here, when you should be out there kicking some heavy duty booty all over The Garden?' Hunter, my man, I do believe it's time we had a little rap, ho-ho. Because you see, Falls Count Anywhere— Well, that not exactly my bag, baby. The pinfalls in the hot dog stands, the pinfalls in the street, the chairs, the tables, it's not exactly a Love thing. But I know somebody, daddy, who's bag it indeed is. He's my man, he's my main man, you might even say, well daddy, he's a kind man. A kooky type of cat, let's bring him out right now. [Mankind's music plays as Mankind walks into the picture] Dude Love: Ho ho, Mankind, my main mandible— up high big man, down low— Owww, you're too slow, ho ho. Mankind, good to have you at the Love Shack. Mankind: Hi, Dude. Thanks for having me here. Dude Love: The pleasure's all mine. Mankind: You really are eye candy for the chicks, Dude. Dude Love: That much I know, Daddy, but you gotta tell me about this wacky match: Falls Count Anywhere. Mankind: Dude, as much as I've dreamed about destroying Hunter Hearst Helmsley... Dude Love: I know you have. Mankind: ...as many horrible things as I'd like to do to him... Dude Love: I know you can. Mankind: I know someone who dreams about it even more. Dude Love: Who is it, Manny? Mankind: Someone who's willing to do even worse things than I have. Dude Love: Oh no, are you thinking what I think you're thinking? Mankind: I think I am thinking what you think I think you're thinking. Dude Love: Can you bring him out, Manny? Mankind: Here he comes. Dude Love: Where is he? Mankind: CACTUS JACK... IS BACK! [Cactus Jack walks into the picture carrying a trash can, Helmsley loses it with the referee] Dude Love: Somebody spank me, I thought he was dead! Mankind: He's alive. HE'S ALIVE! Cactus Jack: Helmsley, it may be the darkest day of your life, because it's Madison Square Garden, and Mrs. Foley's little boy...is finally home. BANG BANG! Dude Love: [overlappping] Bye bye, Hunter, have fun! Owww, have mercy! Jerry Lawler: What in the world!? Jim Ross: [overlapping] Oh my God. Drastic times call for drastic measures! [A garbage bin is thrown from off-curtain, followed by a large broom before Cactus Jack enters with a trash can] Jim Ross: And for a man, that has wrestled on nails, and barbed wire and set himself on fire, this will be a day at Central Park! October 6 [Paul Bearer is at the ring with Kane, who just trashed the Hardy Boyz] Paul Bearer: Now that I have your undivided attention— Yes, laugh at the fat man. Go ahead! Here's your chance. Go ahead and laugh at me. Stand up, call me names, do what you wanna do. Here's your chance. The one you should be laughing at is your so-called phenom. The one you should be laughing at is your hero, The Undertaker. The proof is here. I tried to go back to The Undertaker, he wouldn't take me back. I had to do what I had to do. He slapped me around, he called me a liar. He burned me! Burned! Ladies and Gentlemen, let me present to you, The Undertaker's little brother: Kane! Look close, Undertaker. The whole world saw your face last night, when you stood for the first time in twenty years face-to-face with your own brother. We can all tell by the look in your eyes that you knew it was him. Yes, oh yes, he's alive. Look at his eye, Undertaker. He's missing an eye. And it's your fault! The 20 years of suffering, the 20 years of hiding-out is now over. And we have you to thank, Undertaker. Undertaker, this is your Stop sign on your highway to eternity. Starting with these boys tonight, we are gonna walk through the World Wrestling Federation, take each one, each wrestler, one by one and destroy them. Until we reach you! You, Undertaker. That is why Kane is here. And we have you to thank. Every time you look around, you're going to see your brother behind you. Every time you close your eyes to go to sleep, you're going to remember that terrible night. The fire! Oh yes, the fire. Undertaker, welcome to your worst nightmare. Shawn: [waiting for footage from Badd Blood] Now I know we don't have any brain surgeons in that truck, but this is a television studio per se. Do you think, Vince McMahon, you could get one of those idiots in your truck to send out my performance at Badd Blood? [Footage appears on TitanTron...] All right, here we go... [...not of Badd Blood, but of the MSG "Curtain Call."] Whoa. Wait a minute! Hunter Hearst-Helmsley: [both feigning shock] Oh my God, what is that? Shawn: That's not Badd Blood, that's... Hunter: That's Madison Square Garden! Shawn: That's May 19th, Madison Square Garden! Hunter: That's you, Shawn! Shawn: And that's...that's...that's Razor! Hunter: And Big Daddy Cool Diesel! Shawn: But who's that...that's you, Triple H! Wait a minute! Hey, you were a bad guy, I was a good guy! Vince: What is this? Hunter: You were a good guy, I was a bad guy! Shawn: What were you doing in there? That's...wait a minute! Wait a minute...that was supposed to be Vince McMahon's biggest day—the first time Madison Square Garden had been sold...aw, it's off the screen. Oh, Vin-man, what's the matter? That subject's still a little too sensitive for you, big man. [Both get out of ring and approach Vince at announcers' desk] Vinnie Mac, what's the matter? Come on, what's the matter? Is your dad rolling over in his grave? The family traditions in the McMahon...has it come to an end because me and my buddies made an ass out of ya? Come on, you were an ass long before I made one out of ya! Jim Cornette: This is Jim Cornette, and the views that I'm about to express are not necessarily those of anybody else but me. But they oughta be. And as a matter of fact, they probably are. You know, a lot of things in the wrestling world make me cranky these days, especially the way some talent is treated and some talent is looked at by not only the promoters, but the wrestling fans as well. For example, a man like Arn Anderson who just had to retire from this sport, after giving it his entire life, because of an injury that he suffered; a guy like "Nature Boy" Ric Flair, who in my opinion, is one of the greatest talents in the history of this business; guys like Mankind, Cactus Jack, Dude Love, whatever you want to call him. Great talents in the WWF or WCW. But who gets a lot of the attention, from the wrestling fans especially? Guys like the NWO, the New World Order. You know, all the fans think these guys are so cool and so sweeeeet, and so funny. Well, as far as I'm concerned, the NWO is like a bunch of guys meeting out in the backyard in a clubhouse in a tree. They're guys who, all they have to do... They got the easiest job in the world... All they have to do is go out there and be themselves—childish, obnoxious, adolescent guys with a case of severe arrested emotional development, and a fixation on trying to act macho. You got a guy like Kevin Nash, 40 years old, trying to act like a teenager. Far as I'm concerned, the biggest no-talent in the business. He's got six moves, no mobility, and enough timing to cover up for some of it. But what he does is he goes around and he manipulates. Kevin Nash had a multi-million dollar promotional company, the WWF, push him to the moon to make him a star, and then what does he do? He leaves—after he gives his word he's staying, so by the way, he's a liar, too—he leaves and he goes to WCW for a big contract. Why? More on that later. You got a guy like Scott Hall, who's a good wrestler, but "good" is about it. He's the best of the bunch. But he had the same million dollar promotional company make him a star, after he'd been in the business 10 years without putting three asses in a seat. And what does he do? He goes to WCW for a big contract. Why? More on that later. And then you got a guy... Syxx, 1-2-3 Kid, his name's Sean Waltman. Whatever you want to call him. As far as I'm concerned, the only reason that he's employed is because the other guys think that he's funny when he gets drunk and throws up on himself. He has the distinction, in case you haven't noticed, of being the only guy since this "wrestling war" got started, that was released from a valid contract from one company to go to the other side, which shows you how valuable he is. You know why they're all employed? Why they're all in the spot they are today? Because of Eric Bischoff. The boss of WCW, not the NWO. Look at the credits on their PPV if you can get one for free! The idiot's name is on it! He's the boss of WCW, he works for Ted Turner, and he throws a billionaire's money around, just like water, so he can have guys that he likes to hang out with. Because, even more than being a mark—yeah, for his own face and his own voice—Eric Bischoff is a guy who's a big fan of hanging around studly guys with long hair and beards, that smoke cigars, and ride Harleys. So that some of that can rub off on his little pansy-ass frame. So he takes that billionaire's money, and he throws that around like water to buy guys that he can hang around, to prove that his johnson is bigger than everybody else's. And that's the sole reason the NWO guys are employed. I think, me personally, that it's about time that the wrestling fans and the promoters, all of them in this business, start recognizing guys like "Nature Boy" Ric Flair, like Arn Anderson, like Cactus Jack. Guys who bust their ass, who work hard, and have ability and have talent to get where they are, instead of a bunch of guys that get to their spot by hanging around with the boss and sucking up. I'm Jim Cornette, and that's my opinion. October 13 Bret: [to Shawn and Hunter on the TitanTron] Why don't you two degenerates come down here right now and step in the ring with me right now? Either one of you, I don't care! Either one of you, right now! Shawn: Is he challenging me? Hunter: Is he challenging us? Shawn: Now regularly, regularly I would take him up on his challenge. But you know why I'm not gonna? You know why I'm not gonna? I'll tell you why. Because the last time I took him up on a challenge was WrestleMania, and I beat his ass for that stupid piece of tin he's got on his shoulder; and at Survivor Series, I'm gonna take that stupid piece of tin you got on your shoulder once again. I've beaten you, I've beaten your brother, I've beat both your brother-in-laws, and I'll beat up your whole family if you get in my face one more time. Hunter: And as far as I'm concerned, Bret Hart, you want a piece of me, huh?! [Shawn holds him back] You want a piece of me?! Come on! I'll take you on, Hitman! I'll give you the worst beating of your life! Hey, wait a second. I did that last week. I did that last week, Hitman! So never mind, I don't need to do it twice! I already did it! Shawn: I tell you, I took so many shots to my head, I almost forgot how bad we beat him up last week. Hitman, I got news for you. Sometime during this show, we are gonna cross paths. And you talk about us being degenerates. You know what, I'm tired of Generation X getting a bad rap. Hunter: Do you think you're a degenerate? Shawn: Well, do you think you're a degenerate? Hunter: Well, I mean... Shawn: I mean, I'm positive I'm one. Hunter: I guess I'd have to be one then. Shawn: Well you know what? Generation X always gets a bad rap, everybody calls us degenerates. Degeneration X, is that us? Degeneration X—Triple H, HBK, Chyna, Ravishing Rick. We are Degeneration X—you make the rules, and we...will...break 'em! Jim Cornette: I'm Jim Cornette, and the views I'm about to express are my own, but as you'll see, they may be yours, too. There's a man named Phil Mushnick who writes columns for the New York Post and for TV Guide. You probably never heard of Mr. Mushnick, but you should because he's had some pretty nasty things to say about you. You see, Phil Mushnick hates pro wrestling and he's not content just to change the channel. He doesn't want you be able to watch it, either. Not the WWF, WCW, ECW, nothing. And for the past several years, Mushnick has led a one-man campaign to have the wrestling industry abolished. Recently, when Ted Turner donated one billion dollars to charity, Mr. Mushnick said "the world would be better served if he closed up WCW." Phil Mushnick is the man who called for and spearheaded the media and publicity barrage over the federal indictment of Vince McMahon and the WWF on steroid charges. And even though McMahon and the WWF were proven totally innocent in a federal courtroom, Mushnick ignores that fact to this very day and writes his columns as if it were a fact that they were proven guilty just so he can continue his one-man crusade. He even wrote a column one time about the Madison Square Garden Network firing Marv Albert, saying that the Garden should cancel wrestling matches, too. But Phil Mushnick not only hates wrestling, he hates wrestling fans. Here's a few things he's had to say about you, and I quote: "If not for America's lunatic fringe and the disaffected, WCW would be out of business. If you can tell me that you would bring an important child in your life to a pro wrestling match, I have no gripe with you because you clearly don't know right from wrong. And the overwhelming majority of the wrestling fans who contact me simply prove my point by flooding my mailbox with profanities, obscenities, and other acts that show them to be a disenfranchised sub-culture." Well, Mr. Mushnick, I'm a wrestling fan and a lot of the people who read the New York Post and TV Guide are wrestling fans, too. And we don't enjoy being insulted by publications we pay money to read. We don't appreciate being told we don't know how to parent our children! We don't want a pompous, self-righteous man with a grudge sitting on top of Mount Olympus looking down his nose at us campaigning to take away the constitutional right that every American is guaranteed, to freedom of speech, freedom of choice, and freedom to enjoy whatever entertainment we choose! Those are facts, Mr. Mushnick, not rumors, not suppositions, but facts. You oughta try to deal in them sometime. And I think it's time that the millions of people you belittle as subhuman every chance you get tell the New York Post and TV Guide what they think of ya. But if this has been going on so long, why am I mad right now? Because recently, Phil Mushnick used Brian Pillman's death to call for another outcry against wrestling, and I quote once again: "The problem is the mainstream media don't look hard enough at pro wrestling. Imagine if middle-aged pro baseball players dropped dead on a regular basis, this would be page one stuff, and a federal inquiry would be launched." [At this point, Cornette is seething with anger.] Well, Brian Pillman was a friend of mine. From the time he was born with throat cancer, he had the courage to undergo 36 different throat operations. He had the courage to withstand the punishment of pro football and ten years as a pro wrestler. He had the courage to come back from a car wreck that shattered his ankle, and from a lot of other personal tragedies. And then one night, he went to sleep in a hotel room... and he died. And for you, Phil Mushnick, to use his death as an excuse for another call to action in your one-man vendetta against pro wrestling is more vulgar and more obscene than anything that you've ever falsely accused the wrestling industry of being guilty of! So on behalf of the wrestling fans, the wrestling industry, the friends and family of Brian Pillman, and anyone in this country that denies any one man the right to force his morals and his beliefs on all of us and to take away our constitutional rights, on behalf of those people, I say go to hell, Phil Mushnick! And try to reform things down there because we're doing just fine without you! I'm Jim Cornette, and that's my opinion. October 27 Jim Cornette: I'm Jim Cornette. I'm just wondering if there's any people that are sick and tired as I am to be the icon of wrestling. Hulk Hogan and Roddy Piper claim to be the icon, Shawn Michaels is the icon that can still go, Bret Hart would claim to be the icon if he wasn't too busy crying about being screwed, and Randy Savage is still "Thinkin', Thinkin'!" Well, Shawn Michaels is still the single most talented athlete inside the ring, but outside he's an adolescent obnoxious jerk who takes the tights and goes home if he doesn't get his way. Bret Hart is one of the greatest wrestlers of all time, but if he'd have been screwed as many times as he claims, he'd have struck oil by now. And Randy Savage is a legend, but let's face it, how many records did Frank Sinatra sell last year? But the pinnacle of this icon garbage came at last night's cage match between Hulk Hogan and Roddy Piper to determine—in their minds only—who the real icon is. WCW had the gall to say that this is the greatest cage match in history when it was the greatest in three weeks since Hell in a Cell. But here, you've got a 46-year-old, bald-headed movie star wannabe who looks like Uncle Creepy with a good build, taking on a guy with an artificial hip that hasn't wrestled a full schedule in ten years. It's a tribute to the massive egotism in my mind of both men and an indictment of WCW's promotional policies that this match took place, much less being in the main event when the card was probably the best that WCW was capable of having. By the ten minute mark, they were sucking wind so bad, the first three rows passed out of oxygen deprivation. Would've been funny if it wasn't sad. Well, I'm sick and damn tired of hearing guys claim to be the icon, especially when it used to come from guys who usually didn't know when to quit. Roddy Piper was my idol when I was a teenager, but that was 20 years ago. Hulk Hogan, during his best years, was 50% media recreation, and those days are long gone. This match was a slap in the face to every wrestler that takes pride in his profession, and in my mind, no one man is bigger in this sport. But if there is an icon, it would be a man who has great ability inside the ring, and professionalism and maturity outside of it. Let's leave all the petty backstabbing "I make more money than you," BS with the hat check girl and let's concentrate on talent and attitude. The Undertaker, Ric Flair and Steve Austin have never claimed to be icons, which means that they are big candidates to be just that. And on a personal note to Hulk Hogan, you are a household word, but so is garbage and it stinks when it gets old too. I'm Jim Cornette, and that's my opinion. November 17 Jim Ross: Let's cut right to the chase here. Seven days ago at the Survivor Series, did you, or did you not, screw Bret Hart? Vince: Some would say I screwed Bret Hart; Bret Hart would definitely tell you I screwed him. I look at it from a different standpoint. I look at it from the standpoint of the referee did not screw Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels certainly did not screw Bret Hart, nor did Vince McMahon screw Bret Hart. I truly believe that Bret Hart screwed Bret Hart, and he can look in the mirror and know that. Jim Ross: I'm sure in some parts of the country right now, there's a collective groan that you're not accepting responsibility, that you orchestrated the situation, and the fact that there are people not gonna understand what you mean by, "Bret Hart screwed Bret Hart," so what do you mean by that? Vince: Well, I will certainly take responsibility for any decision I've ever made; I've never had a problem doing that. Not that all of my decisions are accurate—they're not—but when I make a bad decision, I'm not above saying I'm sorry and trying to do the best about it that I can. Hopefully, the batting average is pretty good—I make more good decisions than I do bad decisions. And as far as screwing Bret Hart is concerned, there's a time-honored tradition in the wrestling business that when someone is leaving, that they show the right amount of respect to the WWF superstars, in this case, who helped make you that superstar. You show the proper respect to the organization that helped you become who you are today. It's a time-honored tradition, and Bret Hart didn't wanna honor that tradition, and that's something I never, ever would've expected from Bret because he is known as somewhat of a traditionalist in this business. It would've never crossed my mind that Bret would not have wanted to show the right amount of respect to the superstar who helped make him and the organization who helped make him what he is today. Nonetheless, that was Bret's decision. Bret screwed Bret. Jim Ross: Some folks along the Internet know that, in 1996, Bret signed a 20-year contract with the WWF. Then I'm sure there are some at home now, some folks are saying, "well, how could Bret Hart be...he's got 18 years left on the contract. How can he leave?" Did Bret Hart ask you to leave the WWF, or did you ask him to leave the WWF? Vince: This was a joint decision and it vacillated somewhat as well. It was a joint decision from both Bret and me. And ultimately what happened was the two of us got together and orchestrated the opportunity for Ted Turner's wrestling organization to quote, "steal," Bret. I felt that, for business reasons, that Bret Hart and the salary we were paying him was not justified. And Bret felt that for creative reasons and the fact that he had become sort of second banana in his own mind to Shawn Michaels who had, quote, "stolen his spot." So for financial reasons on my part, and creative reasons on Bret Hart's part, the two of us got together and decided, "okay, let's do the very best we can for you, Bret." So the two of us orchestrated Bret Hart receiving a three-year deal, in which he is paid $3 million a year, which I believe is the richest deal in all of professional wrestling, and that's for working 125 days a year. So I felt from a personal standpoint that if Bret wasn't a great investment any longer for the WWF, although I really didn't want him to go, but nonetheless, that the least I could do for Bret is to help him help himself. And I told Bret, "Bret, if you in fact get this deal from Turner, I am going to be the first person personally to congratulate you." And I was. From a business standpoint, I didn't really want to lose Bret. He wasn't paying off from a financial standpoint, but nonetheless, I really didn't want to lose Bret. Jim Ross: Certainly, the bitterness of the loss at the Survivor Series could never be more prevalent. He stands in the ring and spits in your face. Shortly thereafter, he is destroying WWF television equipment. Were you prepared for what happened after the match? Vince: I was disappointed in Bret when he hit me. Very disappointed. Um, I sustained a concussion, as a result of it, with vision problems to this day. I'll get over it. I didn't think it was the right thing to do. Bret seems to be crowing about that, that I've read, where, you know, he feels proud of striking me. And it wasn't a question of a confrontation because even at 52 years old, I dare say that perhaps things would have been a little different if there was a confrontation. I allowed Bret to strike me, I had hoped that he wouldn't. I had hoped that we could sit down and try and work things out as gentlemen. That's what I had really hoped for. But that's not what happened. Jim Ross: Have you considered pressing charges or perusing legal remedies for that situation in his locker room? Vince: I have considered it. I think those options are still available. I'm not pursuing it at the moment. I guess it all depends on Bret as to whether or not I do. Jim Ross: If you were only a story writer, and the Survivor Series was the final chapter in the story of Bret Hart, the WWF years, how would have preferred to write the final chapter? Vince: As a storyteller, I would have hoped that Bret's story would be a dramatic one. I would hope that Bret's story would be one that would give him dignity, that would give him the poise to state that, "I was, maybe, the greatest WWF Superstar ever," in terms of his departure. And one way of being able to give back to the company, being able to give back to those individuals, those superstars, who helped you achieve the level of success that you have, when you know that you are leaving in a time-honored tradition, might have been, for argument's sake, that after the most grueling match that Bret ever had in his life, that Bret was pinned. But in that small moment of defeat, Bret would have stood straight up and shown the whole world what a true champion, both as a human being and a wrestling persona, he really is. And if I had been Bret, if I were writing the story, I can see Bret, after a 1-2-3, simply saying, "Okay," to his opponent, "you got the best of me. I want to congratulate you. I want to stick my hand out and congratulate you. And furthermore, I want everyone in the whole locker room to watch my match, so that I can show, for those who follow in my footsteps, the way in a time-honored tradition, this is to be done. To show every individual, every secretary, everyone in Titan Sports, the WWF, who counts on me to do the right thing, that I was there, that I was a Superstar, maybe the greatest of ever. And I went out the way a true champion would go out." Jim Ross: Are you able to step back and objectively look at this thing and evaluate your friend, your perhaps former friend Bret Hart, the human being, and have sympathy for this man? Vince: Sympathy? I have no sympathy for Bret whatsoever. None. I have no sympathy for someone who is supposed to be a wrestling traditionalist, not doing the right thing for the business that made him, not doing the right thing for the fans and the performers and the organization who helped make him what he is today. Bret made a very, very selfish decision. Bret's gonna have to live with that for the rest of his life. Bret screwed Bret. I have no sympathy whatsoever for Bret. Jim Ross: This is a crazy question. Would you welcome Bret Hart back? If he said, "you know Vince, I've changed my mind. Can I come back?" Would you allow him to return to the WWF? I mean, he spit in your face, notwithstanding destroying television monitors & equipment, certainly notwithstanding the fact that he punched you. Would you allow him to ever come back to the WWF if that was an option? Vince: This is a strange business, and yes, I would. We would have to have a real frank understanding. I would want to hear Bret say, "Vince, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be selfish, I just kind of lost it there for a while." And I have no problem saying, "Bret, jeez, I'm sorry that I had to do what I had to do as well." Would I welcome him back? I also would tell Bret no more free shots. I would want that strictly from a man's standpoint, I'd want him to know that. And in the future if we're going to have problems along those lines, in the locker room or anywhere else, okay, we're going to have them, but no more free shots. Yeah. If Bret could tear up his contract with the other guys right now and return, I'd welcome Bret back under those conditions. Jim Ross: Was his motivation...do you believe his motivations then, primarily? He said he didn't leave here for the money. Vince: There were signs in the arena following Survivor Series, "Bret sold out." Bret seems to be sensitive to that subject, that he doesn't want to be known as someone who sold out. I'm proud of the fact that I helped Bret sell out. And that's what Bret did, he sold out. And it's not a big deal because I helped him do it. So, do I think that Bret left for the money? I think that when your making $3 million a year, and you're working 125 days of that year, I think Bret sold out, and I don't blame him for selling out. I helped him sell out. Matter of fact, I would suggest there could be a long line outside the next locker room with wrestlers begging me, "Vince, help me sell out." So, do I think he sold out? Yeah, and I think that every time Bret says, "No, I didn't do it for the money," I think that Bret loses credibility every time he says that. Jim Ross: Did this whole ugly ordeal with Bret Hart affect you more professionally, the businessman side of Vince McMahon, or the personal side of Vince McMahon? Vince: From the business side, the WWF will go on beyond Bret Hart. From the personal side, it definitely has affected me. I think that Bret and I...you can't end a 14-year relationship like was ended without having feelings. I regret that I felt that I was forced into making the decision that I made. I regret that Bret didn't do the right thing for the business and for himself, because it wouldn't have cost him one dollar less with his deal with Turner. I regret that his fans, if there is such a thing separate from WWF fans, are in any way hurt by any of this. I regret that his family is enduring...having to endure this tirade that Bret seems to be on. I regret that a member of my family, my son, had to witness some of this, especially in the locker room. I regret all of that, from a personal standpoint, yet steadfast remain that I made a tough decision, but it was the right decision for the WWF fans and the WWF superstars that remain here loyal to us. Jim Ross: If you had the opportunity to speak with Bret, and now's not a bad opportunity, because you know he watching. Everybody involved in this situation is watching this right now. What would you say to him now? Vince: Probably what I said to him in the locker room, and that is that he made a mistake, that I believe he'll regret from a professional standpoint, didn't have to be made that way. I felt I had to do what I had to do for my company, and our fans, and our superstars that remain here. And I'm unwavering in that point of view, and perhaps Bret is unwavering in his point of view. I don't know that we'll ever get together, I hope we will one day. It's too bad that a 14-year relationship was destroyed because one member of that relationship forgot that we're in the sports-entertainment business. Forgot where he came from. Jim Ross: When will you be over this? Vince: I'm over it now. At the same time, Bret has been such a part of the WWF. Bret will always...a part of Bret will always be here in the World Wrestling Federation, and I'm going to remember the good times. I'm going to remember all the things that we did with Bret, which he performed to his greatest degree possible, and told those wonderful stories. I'm going to remember Bret as the Excellence of Execution. It's just too damn bad that in the end, Bret really wasn't "the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be." And he had that opportunity to live up to that in his final match in the WWF, and he failed. December 15 Jim Ross [describing Steve Austin’s trip after leaving the arena]: This could be a P.J. Carlesimo situation. Jim Cornette: Who? Vince McMahon: Owen Hart, I know you are here tonight. You've been spotted. Owen Hart, I know you can hear my voice, wherever you may be in this arena. And I must inform you that you've been endangering indeed the safety certainly of our ringside fans with your antics as of late. Jim Cornette: McMahon's turning into Fire Marshall Bill with all this "fan safety" business. Vince: You've been crawling over ringside fans coming into the ring interfering in matches with Shawn Michaels. And make no mistake: I don't give a damn about Shawn Michaels – it's just that you're endangering the safety of ringside fans by coming in and coming out. That will not be tolerated. I know you can hear me. I like to remind you, Owen: You are still under contract to the World Wrestling Federation. And as such, I'm ordering you to appear in this ring, right now. [Owen Hart walks to the ring from somewhere in the audience to "Owen" chants] What's this all about, and who do you think you are? Owen Hart: [takes off shades] Who do I think I am? [pokes Vince] Who the HELL do you think you are?! You think I owe you a goddamn apology?! I don't owe you a goddamn thing! I'm sick and tired of trying to please everybody else around here, and the bullshit stops right here! Cornette: Well, that's showing McMahon plenty of respect! Jim Ross: This could get very, very ugly in a hurry. Owen: Now my brother, Bret, and Neidhart, and Bulldog, they did what they had to do, and now it's time for me to do what I have to do, and that is remain right here in the World Wrestling Federation! [crowd cheers] Now, I spent nine years breaking my back day-after-day to earn a reputation in this company, and nobody, and I mean NOBODY, is going to run me out of this company, and you know EXACTLY who I'm talking about! Vince: Oh yeah, I have a real good idea who you're talking about. You're talking about self-professed "Showstopper," right? You're talking about the Icon, you're talking about the WWF Champion, Shawn Michaels. And isn't that really what it's all about, Owen? Huh? Isn't that what this whole thing's all about? You attempting to gain the only title that's eluded you in your career here? It's all about the WWF Title, isn't it? Owen: How stupid are you? Is that what you think this is about?! Do you think I give a damn about a worthless title: a piece of leather with tin on it?! This is real life, Vince. This is real life - MY life! MY reputation! MY respect! MY dignity! And McMahon, don't you get me wrong. I'm not ASKING you, I am TELLING you exactly what I am going to do! And that is... and that is make Shawn Michaels' life a living HELL! Ross: A lot of that going around these days. Cornette: I--I know what you mean! Vince [exasperated]: Let me tell you-- Owen: Listen to me for a second. You can call me the "Sole Survivor," you can call me the "Black Sheep," I really don't give a shit! Ross: Uh-oh. Not good. Owen: Shawn Michaels, this is not a game, this is real life, and you started it... and now, it's time for this "little nugget" to end it! Ross: Shawn Michaels is a marked man, and so is Helmsley! Vince: All right, now let me tell you what I'm going to do, Mr. Hart. I believe we have some uniformed security I'd like to ask to come to the ring. [crowd boos] And the reason I'd like to ask for uniformed security, Mr. Hart, is to make sure that, again, we do not endanger the safety of any of our ringside fans, because next week... next week, right here, you're gonna come in to the ring down the ramp like every other WWF superstar, and you're gonna compete in this ring next week just like every other WWF superstar. You're not gonna run over any more ringside fans – all right?! Cornette [as security surrounds Owen]: That's every cop in New Hampshire! Ross [as Owen approaches Vince]: Look out here. I don't like the look in Owen Hart's eyes. He's been under a tremendous amount of stress. Cornette: Looks like a hungry dog eyeing a steak! Ross: Owen could snap at any-- [Owen grabs Vince and stares him down] Cornette: Hey! Ross: Oh, uh-oh! Cornette [as Owen pushes Vince away and Vince motions for security to get Owen out]: Just to prove he can do it! Whatever Shawn Michaels has to say, I'll tell you what: in my opinion, Owen Hart's got some big nuggets! [Owen gets taken out of the arena through the crowd as they chant his name] Vince McMahon: It has been said that anything can happen here in the World Wrestling Federation, but now more than ever, truer words have never been spoken. This is a conscious effort on our part to "Open the Creative Envelope", so to speak, in order to entertain you in a more contemporary manner. Even though we call ourselves "sports entertainment" because of the athleticism involved, the key word in that phrase is "entertainment". The WWF extends far beyond the strict confines of sports presentation into the wide open environment of broad-based entertainment. We borrow from such program niches like soap operas like The Days of our Lives, or music videos such as those on MTV, daytime talk-shows like Jerry Springer and others, cartoons like The King of the Hill on Fox, sitcoms like Seinfeld, and other widely accepted forms of television entertainment. We in the WWF think that you, the audience, are quite frankly tired of having your intelligence insulted. We also think that you're tired of the same old simplistic theory of "good guys vs. bad guys". Surely the era of "The superhero who urge you to say your prayers and take your vitamins" is definitely passe. Therefore, we've embarked upon a far more innovative and contemporary creative campaign that is far more invigorating and extemporaneous than ever before. However, due to the live nature of Raw and The War Zone, we encourage some degree of parental discretion as it relates to the younger audience allowed to stay up late. Other WWF programs on USA such as Saturday Morning LiveWire and Sunday Morning Superstars, where there is a 40% increase in the younger audience, obviously however need no such discretion. We are responsible television producers who work hard to bring you this outrageous, wacky, wonderful world known as the WWF. Through some 50 years, the World Wrestling Federation has been an entertainment mainstay here in North America and all over the world. One of the reasons for that longevity is as the times have changed, so have we. I am happy to say that this new vibrant, creative direction has resulted in a huge increase in television viewership, for which we thank USA Network and TSN for allowing us to have the creative freedom, but most especially we would like to thank you for watching. Raw and the War Zone are definitely the cure for the common show. December 22 Jim Ross: Remember, the European Title on the line. Shawn Michaels putting the European Title on the line here, as he will the WWF Title at the Royal Rumble in that much-anticipated casket match with the Undertaker. [Shawn and Hunter lock up and Hunter immediately shoves Shawn down] Collar-and-elbow tie-up. [Hunter over-dramatically runs the ropes over a supine Shawn for 14 seconds] Jim Cornette: And reluctantly on his part, on both of them. He didn't want to put the title up either. Ross: Wait a minute. Why is Michaels just lying there? Cornette: Well, why doesn't Helmsley slow down and stop? What is it? Ross: [catching on] It's a mockery. [Hunter jumps and softly splashes Shawn, hooking his leg] We thought that... oh, here it is. [Hebner counts to three. Hunter celebrates while Shawn "cries."] Cornette: [over Tony Chimel's announcement] It was a ruse! Tony Chimel: Here is your winner and the new World Wrestling Federation European Champion: "Triple H" Hunter Hearst-Helmsley! Cornette: [cont'd] A ploy, a plot, a plan, a charade, a conspiracy, a sham! We've been conned, hoodwinked, bamboozled, flim-flammed, had the wool pulled over our eyes even! Ross: Slaughter apparently has been watching this on the monitor, we've just been informed, and is on his way to the ring. Helmsley with the European Title. We thought it was gonna be Slaughter's revenge. Cornette: Look at these two jackasses! Michael [sic] cries every time he comes to this town! December 29 Jim Cornette: Well, the WWF has asked me to do a commentary on the state of wrestling in 1998; I guess they figured, "Cornette's always good for a couple of laughs." Well, I'm not really gonna be too funny tonight. Because you see, I think the state of wrestling in 1998 stinks! I think WCW stinks, I think the nWo stinks, I think ECW is embarrassing, and I think the WWF stinks! And I'll tell you why. You don't have to go back any further than last week on Raw, you got a guy coming out dressed like a Christmas tree, you got a woman dressed like a reindeer, you got two adolescent mulletheads showing their butt cheeks on national TV, and having a phony match for a championship! I think it stinks! I think it's disgusting! I think nobody has any respect for wrestling anymore! Where is "wrestling"? Not "sports entertainment", but wrestling! You know, just a couple of years ago, I left my home in Tennessee and I moved to Connecticut, which is like trading a Hawaiian vacation for a bed in a cancer ward, to come to work for the WWF full-time, the biggest wrestling promotion in the history of the planet! And I moved to Connecticut with snow on the ground seven months out of the year, real estate prices that would make Donald Trump's hair stand on end, the rudest bunch of people I've ever seen where English is the second language, and traffic jams at four o'clock in the morning! But I think that's OK, because I'm with the biggest wrestling promotion of all time, the WWF! But over the last couple of years, I don't see any wrestling! They got some great wrestlers around here, but they don't have any time to wrestle, because of all the folderol and the nonsense going on! You see, what the problem is, is the people running the two big promotions! One guy is a game show host wannabe from Minneapolis with phony teeth, phony hair, and a phony tan! And running the WWF, you got a whole office building full of Yankees from New York City that wouldn't know a wrestling match if it bit them! So they sit around all day, listening to people on the Internet; and the people on the Internet wouldn't know a wristlock from a wristwatch! I don't particularly care what some Yankee from New York City wants to see! I wanna see wrestling matches with wrestlers! I wanna see real old-fashioned wrestling! I wanna see some people who have some respect for the traditions of the wrestling industry, have some respect for the sport of wrestling! I don't wanna see "sports entertainment" and flying donkeys all around! I think it's garbage, I think it's insulting, and I think it's a shame to a fine sport like this! Down south where I come from, they know wrestling, they were brought up on it, they grew up on it, and they respect it! And I think it's about time that the promoters and the wrestling industry today recognize that wrestling fans watching a wrestling programme want to see wrestlers wrestle! That's... That's easy! It's not too hard to understand if you just think about it. But the problem is, is that nobody has any respect for tradition. Well, I got news for you; I got respect for tradition, and I've always been associated with real good old-fashioned wrestling, a sport of wrestling, not a circus sideshow, not a cartoon show; and if nobody else is bring some wrestling around here, then maybe it's gonna be up to Jim Cornette! So that might be my New Year's resolution for 1998! I might bring some tradition, I might bring some real wrestling back and clear this whole mess out, because I think it stinks! So there's my address, there's my opinion, there's my commentary, do with it what you want, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Bah Humbug, I'm outta here! 1998 January 5 [Shawn Michaels calls out the Undertaker again and the druids bring down a casket] Shawn Michaels: That casket looks awfully familiar [sees DX graffiti all over] Oh jeez, I'm begging for a little originality here. Okay sorry folks, I think Triple H and Chyna could no a little better than this. It's what I did last week. Ok, Hunter, Chyna, you're real funny, oohh, [gets closer to casket] I'm scared woogiewoogiewoogie. Come on out, you two. Come on, come on, oh what's the password. I forgot, the secret password, the secret password I forgot, last week, Break It Down! Ok you two, Break It Down, hello? [HHH and Chyna appear on the stage trying to warn him; Shawn finally sees them] If you two are up there, then, who's in the, who's in the casket? [gets closer to open casket and the Undertaker comes out to trap him inside] January 12 [After stunning Mankind and Goldust, Steve Austin puts on JR's headset.] Steve Austin: Oh hell yeah! No more Mr. Nice Guy until after this Rumble! Jim, someone told me the other day at the airport, "Steve, if you think you can win the Rumble, give me a hell yeah!" And I gave a "OH HELLLLL YEAHHHHH!" January 19 Vince McMahon: At this time I'd like to introduce to you a man who is simply the baddest man on the planet! Ladies and gentlemen, "Iron" Mike Tyson! [Tyson enters the ring with his crew] "Iron" Mike Tyson! Mike, it is unquestionable, an honor and a privilege to have you standing in a World Wrestling Federation ring. Mike Tyson: Well, it is a privilege to be here, man. I don't know, I've been a fan since I'm eight, nine years old and I'm just happy to be here. Vince: Well, tell me your old time favorites here in the WWF. Mike: Bruno Sammartino. Vince: Don Leo Jonathan as well? Mike: Nikolai Volkoff, man I go way back. I'm just proud to be involved in this. Vince: Alright, now ladies and gentlemen. The moment we have awaited, the big announcement, and the announcement is that on March 29th at WrestleMania in this very ring..."Iron" Mike Tyson will... [Steve Austin's music interrupts McMahon and Austin enters the ring. Several officials and execs rush in.] Hey! Hey! Mr. Austin, why are you here? Steve: Because I'm sick and tired of seeing Mike Tyson, he comes in, he's shaking everybody's hands, making friends with all the WWF Superstars, and it's made me so damn sick, I've been in the back throwing up. [Tyson extends his hand] I ain't gonna shake your damn hand, because I ain't out here to make friends with you. Mike... shut up. I respect... I respect what you've done in the boxing world, but Jesus Christ, son, when you step in this ring, you're messing with Stone Cold Steve Austin and that's something you don't do. Let me make it short and sweet, what I'm telling you is I want a piece of Mike Tyson's ass. [To Vince] Shut up. Don't say one word, Vince; I'll knock your damn lights out, too. I respect what you've done, Mike, but you're out here calling yourself the baddest man on the planet. Right now, you got your little beady eyes locked on the eyes of the world's toughest son-of-a-bitch! I can beat you any day of the week, twice on Sunday. Do I think I... Do I think you can beat my ass? Hell no! Do I think I can beat your ass? Why, hell yeah! I don't know how good your hearin' is, but if you don't understand what I'm sayin', I always got a little bit of sign language, so here's to ya! [flips off Tyson to Vince's surprise. Tyson gestures with his hands and shoves Austin, causing a brawl between the two men. Everybody else pulls them apart and Austin is manhandled off the ring] Vince: Get out of here! You ruined it, you ruined it! [goes under second rope to get closer down to Austin] YOU RUINED IT, DAMMIT, YOU RUINED IT!!! [Austin flips him off as Shane tries to placate Vince] February 2 [Shawn and Triple H along with Chyna make their apology to RAW's carrier networks in a manner of an official presidential announcement] Shawn Michaels: Good evening my fellow Americans. This past week, Degeneration X was informed that TSN, STAR TV, SKY Sports, and USA Network is drawing the line on standards and practices as it relates to WWF programming and Degeneration X. In the future, we need to be careful of what we do and what we won't do. Again, DX gets in trouble every time we do something fortuitously. Therefore, the following is the standard and practices that DX promises to adhere to. [steps aside for Triple H] Triple H: From the hours of nine to ten PM, we will only use the words "ass", "damn", and "hell". We will, however use the words "shit", "fuck", "goddamn", "Jesus Christ", "bitch," "faggot", or any other sexual or racial slurs. From the ten to eleven PM hour, we will only use the words "ass", "damn", "hell" and "bitch." We will never, however use the words "shit", "fuck", "goddamn", "Jesus Christ", "faggot", or any other racial or sexual slurs. Now as it pertains to video, we promise there will be less dick references- Shawn Michaels: Oh shit! HHH: [to Shawn with light tap on chest] Watch your fucking mouth! Shawn: [scoffs] Fuck me. HHH: Goddamn it. Fuck! Anyway, we will have less references to our enormous genitalia. [gives way to Shawn] Shawn: On a final note, you know many of you believe that currently, the favored pastime in the Oral Office is "Swallow the Leader"...[delivers like Clinton's famous denial] I did not, I repeat, I did not sleep with that young intern. [normal] As a matter of fact, I was [makes DX crotchchop] UP ALL NIGHT!! [laughs along with HHH] March 2 [Kane has just decked out a fan and timekeeper Mark Yeaton, but Paul Bearer couldn't assure him enough that a constant tolling of bells was nothing... until they see a casket on the stage hit by a lightning bolt and the Undertaker rises out of it] The Undertaker: Welcome to HELL! I am the demon who will lead you into eternal damnation. Kane, you disappointed me. Is that the best effort that you can put together at the Royal Rumble? Did you think that could destroy me? Don't you know that you cannot destroy that does not wish to perish? And you, Paul, the audacity to come out here week after week and claim responsibility for my disappearance! The fact of the matter is: all those times when I return to the world of darkness it's of my own appoint. It's a time for spiritual healing. It's a time for the truth, and I know the truth. At this trip, what I was doing was soothing the souls of my parents, because I had to explain to them why I would have to do the one thing I promised never to do. Kane... Paul Bearer: You're not The Phenom anymore! I'm standing next to the real Phenom! [Kane lights up the stage but Undertaker passes right through the fireworks] Undertaker: I will walk straight through the FIRES OF HELL to face you, Kane! And when you look into the eyes of your older brother, you will understand why, I am the most feared entity in the World Wrestling Federation. You will understand why, I am the Reaper of Wayward Souls and you will understand why I am the Lord of Darkness. Kane, there is one thought that I want you to think about between now and WrestleMania 14 – March 29th. I want you to remember, when we were small children, and we would begin to fight, mother and father were always there to pull me off of you. Well, this time there won't be anyone to save you. May the hounds of hell eat your rotting soul and you will...Rest...In...Peace! March 16 [legends vignette for WrestleMania XIV, featuring voiceovers of WWF legends over footage] "Classy" Freddie Blassie: I can still hear the echoes cheering my name. Killer Kowalski: Time has not silenced the crowd. Ernie Ladd: I never did a moonsault. Gorilla Monsoon: or walked the top rope. Pat Patterson: There were no pyrotechnics... Monsoon: No fancy, flashing lights. Blassie: We never flew through the air. Patterson: We were men of courage... Kowalski: Men of steel... Blassie: They were men without fear. Ladd: I can still hear the echoes cheering my name. Monsoon: But today... Blassie: I cheer for them. [the lights are out again as Kane and Paul Bearer are in the ring ready to pounce on Sable; Undertaker appears at the top of the TitanTron] Undertaker: Kane, WrestleMania 14, I will strike down upon thee with anger and furious vengeance!!! I will deliver you to the fiery pits of eternal damnation. You will know my name as the Lord of Darkness! Little brother, I felt your wrath, now you're gonna feel mine. It's too late to turn back. The only thing that you can do now is Rest...In...Peace!!! [summons lightning bolt that opens upright casket at the stage, revealing an effigy of Kane that suddenly burns] March 23 [The Undertaker visits his parents' graves] Undertaker: Mother and Father, I've done some things in my life which I'm not very proud and I'm sure there's been occasions where I haven't live up to your expectations of me. I do hope that now, you'd understand, that I've come to my crossroads. The Devil himself stands before me in the form of my own flesh and blood, of my own brother Kane. Mother, please forgive me for the sin which I'm about to commit, a sin so heinous, but its something that must be done. In the end, I only hope that together, as one we can rest in peace, a family once again - and as such is not the case, I alone am willing to serve my penance. I am willing to burn in my own damnation. I'm willing to look my destiny in the eye and go where the Reaper leads me. Please understand, he's given me no other choice. I have to fight. Just know that I love you. March 30 [HHH appears in the ring with Chyna after Wrestlemania XIV] Triple H: You know, a lot can happen in twenty-four hours... let's start with Mike Tyson. You know, I must have asked a thousand times, "Is he locked in? Is he with us? Is he a part of us? Are you SURE? Is it sewn up?" Heh, what I heard was "Don't worry, kid, I got it covered. Don't sweat it. You worry too much. It's sewn up. Let me make the decisions." Well, you dropped the ball. But don't worry, HBK, 'cause Triple H picked it up, and now the ball is in MY court! I'll take care of the worries, I'll take care of the problems, and I'll make the decisions. This is the genesis of D-Generation X. Tonight, live in front of the world, I form the DX Army - an army to take care of business that should have been taken care of right from the start. And when you start an army, when you set out to do what no one else can do, the first thing you do is you look to your blood. You look to your buddies, you look to your friends. You look to the Kliq! [points to the stage and DX music plays... as Sean "123 Kid" Waltman appears and heads down to the ring to greet Triple H] You know, when you've been an indentured servant for two years, you run up a lot of feelings. Talk to 'em, Kid. Sean "123 Kid" Waltman: ALBANY, NEW YORK, RAISE SOME HELL, MAKE A LITTLE NOISE! First things first, I've got a little something I've got to get off my chest right now. I heard Hulk Hogan come out on television sayin' I couldn't cut the mustard. Well, Hulk Hogan, you suck, pal! So I don't think you have any room to talk about anybody cutting any kind of mustard. And Hulk, I got some... I got some more advice for ya. You'd better not stop short, or Eric Bischoff will go so far up your ass, he'll know what you had for breakfast! And now on to important matters at hand. I'm sittin' at home with my mind on my money and my money on my mind, and I get a call from one of my best friends o' my entire life, Triple H, and he says, "DX needs your help." Well dammit, Triple H, any time you ever need anything from me, pal, you got it. And I got something else to say. Kevin Nash and Scott Hall would be standing right here with us if they weren't bein' held hostage by World Championship Wrestling. And that's a fact Eric Bischoff, so put that in your pipe and smoke it! So the way I see it right now, this is a new beginning for D-Generation X, and we're here to rip ass on the World Wrestling Federation... AND IT STARTS TONIGHT!!!! Triple H: Oh yeah, by the way, I got two words for ya... Kid: SUCK IT! Triple H: Yeah! [Paul Bearer gloats over Kane mauling Undertaker the night before] Paul Bearer: Undertaker! Behold, your brother. Undertaker...did you actually believe last night, after the 1, 2, 3 that it was all over? Did you actually think so!? You are looking at your flesh and blood, the only man to ever kick out of your famous Tombstone. Not once, but twice! And he would have done it a third time! Don't you know, Undertaker? You have had to change. After all this, I know you've had to change, deep down inside, that cold, cold heart that your body harbors! You have faced your flesh and blood, one on one! He beat you all over that ring last night. The whole world's seen it! You cowered in the corner, Undertaker, as your brother put his fist against your skull. After I returned to the hotel last evening, I put myself in bed, I shut my eyes. I was proud, but I was awoken at about 2am with a dream! Yes, Kane, I had a dream! In that dream, I saw a wrestling ring. In that dream, I saw the ring surrounded by fire... in that ring, I saw Kane, standing all alone. Undertaker, I challenge YOU to step into my dream. Step into the ring, step into the fire and face your brother one more time! But the dream is not finished yet... in order to win this match, Undertaker, either you or your brother will have to CATCH FIRE! The loser must catch fire - an Inferno! Unforgiven! In! Your! House! [Austin gets his phone call after being arrested earlier] Stone Cold Steve Austin: [patched to JR in the arena] Jesus Christ, this is Stone Cold Steve Austin. I get one phone call when you get locked up in jail and I'm sure Vince McMahon thought I was gonna call a lawyer? ehhehehh!!! That ain't gonna happen! I want you to tell Vince McMahon firsthand, I think he's a sorry, sorry son-of-a-bitch, and the last time I checked, the last time I checked, when you give someone the Stone Cold Stunner, it ain't punishable by the death penalty, so that means, Vince McMahon's ass belongs to Stone Cold Steve Austin, and next week on RAW IS WAR, he's gonna find out just how pissed off Stone Cold Steve Austin is and I can guarantee you one thing, it ain't gonna be a very fun night for Vince McMahon next Monday night and if that don't work, I'll pay his ass a house call just like I've done in the past. Vince McMahon will find out, Austin 3:16 say "I just whipped your ass," and that's what's gonna happen! April 6 [Cactus Jack appears] Cactus Jack: I have always taken a lot of chances in the ring and some very bad things have happened to me over the years, but I've always had the comfort of knowing that when I looked at my career, my dreams, the things I accomplished, the things I'd set my heart on... that it was always worth the pain. So people ask, "Cactus, so how's your neck?", I say, that I'll be damned, if I'm gonna let a group of SCUM like DX put Cactus Jack away. No, I guess, you see, that... Terry Funk's not here and I haven't talked to Terry, but I've left a message on his answering machine and I'm not saying this to sound tough, but Cactus Jack and Terry Funk do not miss wrestling matches! So I have to guess, if the Funker was hurt enough to fly home, that it's probably pretty bad. And I really wish that people could know Terry a little bit more than what they see in the ring, because people will always debate on who the greatest wrestler of all time is, but I guarantee you, you ask every damn last bunch of people in the dressroom, they'll say that Terry Funk is the gutsiest old bastard they've ever seen in their lives. And I guess you've probably seen Terry's back, and I hope you saw WrestleMania because it was a tremendous match and I'm very proud of it, and Terry was laying there on the bed with his belt and he said, "Cactus, I'm gonna be alright because I consider this the last match of my career." See, Terry always wanted to retire as a WWF champion and he said, "Cactus, it's all been worth it, but we don't have those belts now, do we?" And I'm not gonna get into the reason why, but I will say, that when Cactus Jack was laying - and I was conscious and I could move, but it was very hard to move and I was not very far from being unconscious - and when I looked at Terry Funk, well, I heard something in my... in my ears that - I gotta tell you the truth - it kinda made me sick! That's... there was an announcement being made, thanking the fans for coming to the WWF event... and they said something about Stone Cold Steve Austin... and, uh, yeah, people... people started chanting his name. And it's... it's funny, because... when I came here two years ago and I was Mankind, there were always people saying, "Why don't you just be Cactus Jack?" Then I came out in tie-dye and white boots, and they said, "You know, why don't you just be Cactus Jack?" Well, I gave you Cactus Jack. I GAVE YOU EVERY GODDAMN PIECE OF ENERGY I HAD... and when I was laying there, helpless... you chanted someone else's name... [stands up] This is not a knock on Stone Cold Steve Austin! Hey I'm happy he's the champion, and he may not admit it, but we've known each other a long time, and he's been my friend. But what you did to me and Terry Funk laying here in the middle of the ring was not only distasteful and disrespectful, it was goddamn disgusting... and I'm gonna give you a chance to make it up to me... because I'm gonna accept a group apology right now. [feels crowd heat] Well... I can finally say for the first time, after 13 years of blood, sweat and tears, that it's not worth it anymore. It's gonna be a long time before you see Cactus Jack in a ring again. [drops mic and leaves ring] April 13 [Shane McMahon and Jim Ross are in Vince McMahon's locker room asking him not to take up Steve Austin's challenge for a WWF title match] Vince McMahon: You get to the car, ok? [slams coat onto the table] Get my bag and bring it back here. Shane McMahon: [over Vince's command] This is the dumbest decision you've ever made. Vince: It may be. Gerald Brisco: No it's not. Shane: This is the dumbest decision you've ever made! Brisco: No, it's not! Vince: [to JR as Shane storms out] And you, you go out there and do your job please, thank you very much. April 27 [DX - the New Age Outlaws, Chyna, and XPac, assemble near a military jeep with recoilless cannon] Triple H: Attention! [the four stand at attention with Chyna poking her M-16 into Road Dogg's crotch. starts pacing back and forth] At ease, men. [group goes at ease. Billy Gunn has his rocket launcher tucked like an erect penis and lowers it a bit] I said at ease! [rocket launcher is lowered more] That's better. [walks to Billy] Stand up straight, soldier. Today we embark on a mission. We have seen the enemy, and he's near. So today, we're gonna go down there. DX members: Down where, sir? HHH: There [makes crotch gesture] and we will blow them out of the water. This mission, should you choose to accept it, will start at the Norfolk Scope, with [mock Southern drawl] Dubya-C-Dubya, the Rasslin' [to normal voice] and it will end right here tonight, at the Hampton Roads Coliseum, for RAW is WAR. This is your mission, [XPac makes a few unintelligible words] if you choose to accept it, ladies and gentlemen, if you choose to accept it, it will be all for one and [gestures open-palm to DX] All DX members: One for All, so [makes DX crotch chop] SUCK IT! [talk amongst themselves as they mount the jeep. HHH stands on the shotgun seat] HHH: [gestures with baton] ATTACK!!! [DX starts moving] [Paul Bearer has just cut a promo about Kane's predicament at Unforgiven, revealing Kane is his son] Jim Ross:... and of course, the Undertaker obviously was shocked. What we're hearing then is that Paul Bearer is Kane's father. Jerry "The King" Lawler: And do you know what that means? You don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure that out - that means Paul Bearer had to sleep with the Undertaker's mother! Ross: Good Lord.. Lawler: Whoa!! [scoffs and laughs at the revelation] May 4 Mick Foley: Cut this music... does anybody here know my name? Because to tell you the truth, I don't know who the hell I am anymore. At Unforgiven, I beat Stone Cold Steve Austin - no I do not have the heavyweight title, but I came real close. And for those of you who've never been on the receiving end of a Stone Cold ass-kicking, let me tell you, it doesn't feel that good... If you were to ask Stone Cold Steve Austin how he felt the next day, well he probably would say he didn't feel a whole hell of a lot better. So now, how do I get rewarded for my efforts at Unforgiven? By receiving a rematch? No! By being proclaimed the No.1 contender? No! You see, that honor went to... Goldust. The last time I checked my resume, I was going head to head with the heavyweight champion of the world. The last time I checked the resume of Goldust, that panty-wearing pansy... he was wearing a black teddy in a woman's negligee match. And now the WWF has informed me that I am to wrestle Terry Funk in a no-holds-barred, falls-count-anywhere match. And I guess I know what Vince McMahon must thinking, 'hey let those two kill each other and I won't have to deal with them anymore.' You see, I don't have all the answers, but I do know a few things. Number one, I'll be damned if I'm going to throw away 13 years of hard work by sucking up to a low-life like Vince McMahon; number two, I'll be damned if I'm gonna let my wife and kids see me bumping and grinding with a couple of second rate strippers on national television; and number three, I'll be damned if I perform in this stuff [Dude Love Outfit] ever again. What I'd like right now is to have Vince McMahon out here, because I, Cactus Jack, want some answers and I want them right now! I am waiting for your replay! Vince McMahon, if you are a man, you come out here and face the music. [Vince McMahon enters the ring] Vince, I don't care what you do - if you bury it [Dude Love Outfit], you burn it or you put it on yourself, but you will not make me dress up like a horse's ass... EVER... are we understood? ARE WE?" Vince McMahon: You've got guts enough to call me out before you? Me? The owner of the World Wrestling Federation? You've got guts enough to call me out before you and all these people? Who the hell do you think you are? Let me tell you something - sure, you hold a victory over Stone Cold Steve Austin at Unforgiven, but you didn't get the job done, because Stone Cold Steve Austin is still the World Wrestling Federation champion! And the next night, sure, Goldust becomes the #1 contender, how do you react? You kvetch, you bitch, you cry, you moan, just like all these other people would at their lost opportunity, because you see... they have to make excuses when they don't get that raise, they don't get that promotion, they have to make excuses - I would expect better from you and then... you think I'm trying to punish you by booking you in a match with your best friend, Terry Funk, a no-holds-barred match? Mick: Yes, I do! Vince: That's not a punishment, THAT'S REWARD, that's what it is, a REWARD! Mick: How you figure? Vince: Because I believe that you and I are a lot alike. I believe that you recognize this as it truly is. You see, I take adversity and turn it into triumph... This match that you have with your best friend is an opportunity, and that's what I give better than anybody else in the world, opportunity... don't you see? Can't you clearly see this picture? Who've you been listening to? Because, if you seize this moment, if you take your best friend out to this ring tonight, and you not only beat him, but beat him... an inch from his life, if you tear him limb from limb... if you REACH INTO HIS CHEST AND PULL OUT HIS HEART... AND HOLD IT AND THE BLOOD DRIPS DOWN ALL OVER YA... THEN YOU WOULD'VE MADE the kind of sacrifice that's necessary to become the #1 contender, the kind of sacrifice that's necessary to BEAT Stone Cold Steve Austin, THE KIND OF SACRIFICE that's necessary TO BE the World Wrestling Federation champion! I've got faith in you! I've got confidence in you! Because I believe, deep down in that demented cranium.. you can do it! You can do it! You can seize this opportunity and once again become the #1 contender for the World Wrestling Federation championship. When I came out here, you threw Dude Love into my face... How does it feel for me to throw the truth into yours? [After JR announces an exclusive interview by Jerry Lawler on Paul Bearer, nobody notices the camera still on and the King is very inquisitive about Kane] Paul Bearer: I told you about it. You hear what I told him. I told the world he's my son. He is my son Jerry, it's that simple. Jerry "The King" Lawler: Cmon, so you're telling me- Bearer: He's my son! Lawler: You're telling me- Bearer: You don't believe me? Lawler: You're telling me, you're telling me you nailed the Undertaker's mother. Bearer: Well, I nailed - nailed - I [Lawler scoffs] Okay. King: Tell me how that... Bearer: Jerry, can I trust you? King: I'll tell nobody. Bearer: I was 19 years old and I was present at the funeral home. I went out on Tuesday nights to the wrestling matches like I always do with my friends, had a few beers. Coming to the funeral home, there she was in this little titty outfit. I've never been [Lawler begins to laugh] don't tell nobody. I've never been with a woman before at that point. I wasn't fat like I am now, in fact Jerry I was kinda [fixes up tie] studly. King: Oh yeah right? Bearer: I was! Anyway, I come through the door and... she took me right there! Right there! King: Wait where, on the embalming table or something? Bearer: No no, in the kitchen floor. King: Oh no! Bearer: Yeah, in the kitchen floor of the [slaps thigh] funeral home. King: [starts to giggle and laugh] Paul Bearer slips the salami to the Undertaker's mother on the kitchen floor. Bearer: In the kitchen floor in the apartment of the funeral home. King: Swear to God. Bearer: I swear. It's the gospel truth. That's the way it happened. She took me, an innocent 19-year-old boy, as I lost my virginity to her. [as Lawler laughs] It's true! King: Paul Bearer buries his bologna in the Undertaker's mother. Bearer: She was a moaning, and a groanin, and screamin'... and I heard some little feet coming down the stairs. It's a good thing I got up, 'cause it was little Taker coming down the stairs. Stopped me just in time, [Lawler laughs] and if he did took two more steps, he'd have seen his momma's feet, one was in New York, the other was in LA!!! [they laugh as Bearer kicks his legs in delight] King: Can you imagine if little Undertaker had come in and seen Paul Bearer and his mother bumping uglies? May 25 [Vince McMahon and the stooges come back to the ring after Austin accepts his apology over the mauling the previous week and arrest] Vince McMahon: I hope you've had some fun here tonight, Austin. Hope you're real proud of yourself of what you've accomplished. How dare you have me arrested in public like a common criminal! And pour beer down the back of my neck, and then place conditions upon my release, a condition of apology WHICH I DID NOT MEAN!!! and yet, another condition that should someone interfere to stand guard while I officiate the match at the pay-per-view this Sunday to ensure that I call the match fair and square, I accept that condition too and I'll tell you why, because other than Godzilla recently being released, there isn't one WWF superstar on the roster that can intimidate me, not one! June 1 [Mick Foley has called out Mr McMahon over their failure to take down Stone Cold Steve Austin at Over the Edge and also expressed how good it was to bash him with a steel chair] Vince McMahon: Why don't you do it again? Why don't you do it right now [points to chair] There's the chair. Come on, come on, [as Mick picks up and they go around the ring] make my day Dude, come on... Come on, HIT ME! Come on, hit me with the chair, come on, blast me - and just think about that college education, that college fund you've got for your kids, going ppft right in the air! Come on, come on dude, hit me! Come on, what about that new house you just moved into, huh? What about it? You know the one, the 20-year mortgage? TWENTY YEARS!! Hit me, come on hit me with the chair! What about that little fund you got set aside, for your parents, you know the one! You'd go through that in no time at all. Come on, Dude, come on Dude... Hit me, Dude. [Mick Foley sits down as Vince's taunts hit a raw nerve] COME ON, HAVE SOME GUTS FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, COME ON, HIT ME WITH THE BLOODY CHAIR!! COME ON! Let me tell you something: the only reason I haven't fired Stone Cold Steve Austin is because he makes me richer! You know what you make me, Dude? [closer to Mick's face] All you do, is make me SICK! So I'll tell you what... your services in the World Wrestling Federation are no longer required. [later starts dancing as Dude Love music airs then leaves the ring] [Undertaker appears in casual attire] Undertaker: Let's start from the beginning, some ten years ago when I first arrived in the World Wrestling Federation. Vince McMahon was known as somebody that would give somebody an opportunity, even if they were just a little different. And Vince McMahon did just that. He gave me the chance to be myself, to be the Undertaker. But you see, that's where all the giving stops and all the taking began. Shortly after my arrival here in the World Wrestling Federation I became the slayer of the dragons. Then you ask what do I mean by that? Vince McMahon knew that I would be loyal for him giving me an opportunity, so what he did is he put every giant, every freak that he knew his handpicked champions couldn't beat and he'd stick me on 'em. And I'd beat 'em, I destroyed 'em and I moved on. What I did for Vince McMahon was make his kingdom safe for himself and all of his handpicked champions. The whole time I knew that my time would come. And after I made his kingdom safe and there was no one left, well then I got my opportunities. Oh yes, I am a two-time former World Wrestling Federation champion. But as you all know, my tenures as champion, they didn't last very long. Why? Because Vince McMahon didn't want someone like the Undertaker representing the World Wrestling Federation, but I remained loyal, even after all his hand-chosen favorites left town for greener pastures—more money—I stayed here. I stayed by his side thinking my time would come. How do I get repaid for that? He forces me to fight my own brother. He gives Paul Bearer an open forum to discuss every tragic incident that ever happened in the life of the Undertaker. For what reason? Let me tell you why: Because it's all ratings! He put my family tragedy on the line for ratings. And even after all that, I never lost my smile, I kept on fighting, and as I've been taking care of family business, Stone Cold Steve Austin rises to the top. But don't get me wrong, I got nothing against Steve Austin. The only thing Steve Austin ever did was come to the ring and fight me like a man—and that's all I ever asked. But you see, Vince, after the years of mistreatment and after the last eight months of you throwing my family up in my face, I've had enough. Now it's time the Undertaker got was is rightfully his. I demand... my shot... at the World Wrestling Federation title. Now, I've done enough talking. Now, Vince McMahon, Mr. McMahon, whatever it is you like to be called, I think it's time you've got your pencil-neck-geeked ass out here and face the Reaper. [Vince McMahon appears and enters the ring. He suddenly takes the mic from Taker] Vince McMahon: I'm gonna give you the answer you're looking for in just a minute, but first you're gonna hear me out! After all I've done for you, you choke-slammed me damn near to hell last week! [audience pops] You hovered over me like a giant vulture last night - and why? To get my attention? You got it! You got it. You wanna talk about loyalty, dedication, honor, all those qualities you have—I'll grant you that and I'm appreciative for it, but you know, let's face it: What have you done for Vince McMahon lately? As far as your family is concerned, all your family problems, I've got a question for you. Is Paul Bearer telling the truth when he said that your mother was a whore? [stops Undertaker from a sudden reaction] I've got to ask. You want the answer? You want the answer? You wanna be the number one contender. You deserve to be the number one contender. That's what you want, that's what you'll get. Sure, no problem. You'll get it. [goes outside ropes] You'll get it if you defeat your opponent in this ring tonight. There you go, you got what you wanted, okay? So whoever wins the match between you and your opponent will be the number one contender in this ring, live, tonight. So let's see what happens, Undertaker, let's see what happens when you have to face your brother, Kane!!! July 6 [Kane has just taken down Mankind as the No 1 contender for Austin at Fully Loaded, as Vince McMahon and Steve Austin watch along with JR and Jerry Lawler] Vince McMahon: What about it, Austin? Kane... Jerry Lawler: Look, look... [Kane takes off his mask to reveal it's the Undertaker underneath] Jim Ross: It's not Kane! [Austin is surprised] It's the Undertaker, it's the Undertaker... [the Undertaker makes a throat-slitting motion to Austin] the Undertaker's the No 1 contender!!! July 27 [Kaientai and their leader, Yamaguchi-san have just seen Val Venis defeat Brian Christopher] Yamaguchi-san: Val Venis, look at me! Listen! Kaientai's gonna challenge you to a match next week. Val Venis, listen. After we win that match, I'll give you a big surprise to you! [gives mic to Dick Togo while Funaki readies a large salami roll on a wooden table. Yamaguchi-san slices it with a katana to his roaring delight.] Jim Ross: [stunned] That's, that's a pretty subtle message... Yamaguchi-san: I choppy-choppy your pee-pee!! HAHAHAA!!! August 3 [Taka Michinoku has just turned on Val Venis during their match against Kaientai, and everybody's beating up Val] Jim Ross: What in the heck is going on here? Why did Taka do this? Taka Michinoku: [points to Mrs Yamaguchi-san] Sister! My sister!!! Jerry Lawler: What did he just say? My sister? Ross: Is Mrs Yamaguchi Taka Michinoku's sister? Lawler: That's what he's saying. Well, that explains it JR. I mean, she not only disgraced Yamaguchi-san, but Taka's entire family! August 10 [Jerry Lawler talks to Val Venis about how his ordeal with Kaientai went the week before] Jerry Lawler: Are you still hanging in there? Val Venis: Hello, ladies. You know tonight I come to you a humble man, half the man that I used to be, but you know, it's like they say - you live by the sword and you die by the sword. You know there's only one way to stop the mighty boa - and that's to sever it at the head. Well ladies, you better take a rain check on them new snakeskin boots, because - because - the Big Valbowski is alive and ready to bite, baby! Well you know something, thanks to a cold butcher's block, heh heh heh, and a little shrinkage, and of course my good friend, John Wayne Bobbitt, who just happened to cut the lights just at the appropriate time, the Big Valbowski is standing at full attention, cocked, rocked and ready to unload. John Wayne Bobbitt: We live on the edge - Val ordered a club soda with a slice and the bartender tried to cut us off. Lawler: John I don't want to cut you short - but I understand your ex-wife Lorena actually threw something out the window and it was lost out there for a while, but they found it right? Bobbitt: Yeah they found it. Lawler: Well that's a good thing because I was thinking how funny a picture of that would look on the side of a milk carton. Venis: [to Yamaguchi-san's wife] Baby, it's been a long, hard road - but it ends right here, baby! You know something, ah don't cry baby, you see NO woman is worth the trouble that you brought me - no woman! I hope you enjoyed the ride baby, because this is where you get off! So take your shoes from under my bed and hit the bricks. Adios! Goodbye lady! September 14 [Val Venis cuts into Dustin Rhodes' promo] Val Venis: Repent? Repent for what, Dustin? Because I work hard? Or is it because I... play hard? Oh and by the way, Dustin, speaking of work, let me introduce you to my latest video, entitled, The Preacher's Wife. [TitanTron plays clip of The Preacher's Wife. A Film by Val Venis] Venis: [in video toting cigar in a hotel room bed] Hello Dustin. You know something, after you jumped me from behind last night, I was a little hurt. In fact, I even needed a little TLC. So after I got back to the hotel, I made a little phone call to the one person who could take my mind off all my aches and pains, and make the Big Valbowski stand proud once again. [Terri Runnels appears out of the blanket, implying she was giving Val head] Terri Runnels: Hi Dustin. [goes back under] Venis: and again, and again... [laughs] Dustin Runnels: [mouths off] My God... [breaks down kneeling with hands to his face] Venis: [laughs] I guess getting on your knees, Dustin, RUNS IN THE FAMILY!!! September 28 [Vince is bitterly angry that Austin crashed his WWF Championship awarding ceremony for the Undertaker and Kane] Vince McMahon: Before I was so rudely interrupted, Undertaker and Kane, we were about to present the WWF Championship. However, if you recall, the deal was, Undertaker and Kane, you would get the title shot as long as you kept Stone Cold Steve Austin away from me. For three times, three times in less than a week, Austin has brutally attacked me!! Jerry Lawler: That's right. Vince McMahon: So let me say this, you didn't live up to your end of the deal, I'm not gonna live up to mine! [Undertaker glares at him] Jerry Lawler: What? What is he saying, J.R.? Vince McMahon: You're gonna have to fight for it! On the next pay-per-view, October 18, you two are gonna battle it out for the WWF Championship... Jim Ross: That's at Judgment Day in three weeks... McMahon: ...whether you like it or not. And by the way, since you can't seem to keep Stone Cold out of your business and mine, good, I'm gonna put him in it. Austin is gonna be the guest referee. Jim Ross: Oh my God in heaven. Jerry Lawler: What? Jim Ross: Austin will referee Kane and the Undertaker at Judgment Day. McMahon: And Stone Cold, Austin, I just hope that somewhere, your cellmate is telling you all of this right about now, because I wanna be there to watch him suffer the indignity of having to count one of you two monsters to the WWF Championship. Lawler: Can you imagine that? McMahon: However, so that everyone in this arena is not cheated, so that everyone at home watching Raw gets their money's worth, that in this ring tonight, you will see Undertaker and Kane in a handicap tag-team match, against three individuals... Jim Ross: Three? McMahon: ...Ken Shamrock, Mankind, and The Rock! Jim Ross: Oh yeah! Shamrock, Mankind, The Rock against the Undertaker and Kane here tonight live. McMahon: And maybe, just maybe you could get it right, I'd like to wish you the best of luck. You know why? I think you two are gonna need it because as far as I'm concerned, it's like dealing with the handicapped. One's physical [referring to Kane] and the other is mental [referring to Undertaker]. Good luck to you both. [Undertaker grabs McMahon.] Undertaker: You need to watch your ass, because the next time you get out of line with either one of us, you're gonna be the one handicapped, and that I will promise. [Kane has just set up Mr. McMahon on the steel steps and Undertaker has the top two steps] Jim Ross: Oh no, holding the ankle and the knee across the steps...Undertaker [sees Taker raising the steps] NO NO NO!! [Taker kayfabe smashes steps on McMahon's left shin] OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!!!! [Taker leaves Vince reeling from the pain] Vince McMahon's leg's gotta be shattered now!! Jerry "The King" Lawler: Don't move it, don't move it! Jim Ross: McMahon writhing in pain, at the hands of the two men that will meet for the WWF title in the Rosemont Horizon at Judgment Day with Steve Austin as the referee! Jerry Lawler: [sad and concerned] How could this happen, J.R.? McMahon didn't mean it when he called them handicapped! CALL A DOCTOR!!!! Pat Patterson: [over JR's commentary as he helps Vince] ...I can't believe it, those dirty bastards, they BROKE HIS LEG! Get somebody out here! Jim Ross: McMahon, McMahon needs an ambulance. Well, you better not move him! My God, what else can happen here? October 5 Nurse: [to Mr. McMahon] It looks just fine to me. [to a doctor] How about you, doctor? Steve Austin: [disguising as a doctor] I'll take it from here, nurse. Vince McMahon: NO! [Austin attacks Vince McMahon.] McMahon: Get him off me! Get him off me!! Austin: [mumbles as he strips off Vince's shirt] How about your foot? [attacks Vince McMahon's injured ankle, on a cast at the foot of the bed. McMahon shrieks in pain] What do you think about that? [Austin slams Vince McMahon with a bedpan, and he falls off the bed] Austin: Calling Dr. Austin--Get up, you piece of trash. Get up, you piece of sh- [manhandles Vince back to bed] Calling Dr Austin we got a emergency! McMahon: No, NOO!! Austin: [sets up defibrillator] Everybody clear [shocks Vince and stoomps on him on the floor] McMahon: [as Austin bends him over the bed and he gets an enema-like device connected to an IV drip] No! No please no!! No, help me, please! Austin: I've always known you were full of shit, Vince. You just bow down. This is gonna hurt you more than it'll hurt me! [kayfabe jams device up Vince's butt. Vince screams loudly] You piece of trash! October 12 [A cement truck appears.] Jim Ross: What the hell is that? Jerry Lawler: What is that? Jim Ross: Is that...? Jerry Lawler: It's a cement truck, and it's Stone Cold Steve Austin driving it. Jim Ross: Oh my. Stone Cold Steve Austin is in the building. Jerry Lawler: What is that idiot doing? We've seen him driving a Zamboni, now he's driving around a cement truck? Jim Ross: Oh folks, this is going to get real interesting. The Rattlesnake is here. Is that going to make Mr. McMahon happy or not? We'll find out next. Michael Cole: Stone Cold, what the hell are you doing? A cement truck? Steve Austin: You heard it. I've got an open invitation, so I don't know what you're worked up about. But what I will tell you, if I wanted to get that one-legged bastard, Vince McMahon, and tell him to get his ass out here, because what I'm going to do might create a bit of interest in the McMahon side of the family. Now get your ass out here because I've got some work to do and I want to check my equipment out. [Steve Austin is driving a cement truck toward Vince McMahon's Corvette.] Jim Ross: Wait a minute. Jerry Lawler: I knew it JR. He's trying to drive it right in here, then get ready to run. He'll run over us. Jim Ross: Wait a minute, there's... Lawler: Hey, wait a minute, don't run over Mr. McMahon's Corvette. Ross: I don't think he's... [sees Austin setting up the mixer's metal trough on the car] it doesn't look like he's going to run over it. Lawler: Wait a minute! Ross: Oh my God, I don't believe this. Lawler: You can't do that! Ross: I do not believe this, ladies and gentlemen. Lawler: Mr. McMahon! Mr. McMahon! Ross: That's one of the Corvettes in Mr. McMahon's collection. Lawler: That's a $50,000 car! No! J.R.! [cement mixture is poured into the car] NOOOO! Ross: Oh my God! Oh my! Austin is loading McMahon's car with cement. Vince McMahon: [watching it on the monitor] That's my Corvette!!!! Ross: McMahon's car is being loaded with cement. Lawler: Oh my God! [The cement mix overflows, breaking the car's side and rear windows.] Jim Ross: McMahon's prized Corvette, one of his collection, is being destroyed by the Rattlesnake. Lawler: NOOOO! Ross: The Rattlesnake has struck. [Austin leaves cement truck] And it looks like... Austin is coming our way. Lawler: Somebody call the cops!!! Ross: Austin is heading our way. The Rattlesnake, will he be here next? Lawler: 911! Steve Austin: First off, I'd like to thank Mr. McMahon for the invitation here tonight. Well, I apologize to you, because I guess it must have been some mistake in the address that went to Austin 3:16 Construction Company. See, what you did, Vince, you screwed Stone Cold Steve Austin. Hell, son, it's easy to see that you submitted your own damn fate. Because you can rest assured that Stone Cold Steve Austin — as long as he's here right in the World Wrestling Federation and as long as you're here, too — I will make your life a living hell, and that's all I got to say about that! As far as this Sunday goes, Stone Cold Steve Austin, special referee... Hell, I'll be glad to put the striped shirt on, because I think I'd make a damn good referee for this match. If you think Stone Cold Steve Austin would make a damn good referee, give me a hell yeah! [audience reacts] I'll tell you this: After those two big bastards beat the living hell out of each other, you can bet your ass, that the only hand Stone Cold Steve Austin is gonna hold up is my own. Jerry Lawler: What? Steve Austin: And the thing about this, Vince, there ain't a damn thing that you can do about it. [at the stage, Vince McMahon appears in a wheelchair] Awww... Go ahead and hurl your little ass down here! Vince McMahon: [Big Boss Man and two police K9s and their handlers appear] As you were saying? Jerry Lawler: There you go. Vince McMahon: Stick it! Get him! Stick it! Get him!!! [Austin tries to rush Vince but stops when the dogs reach out short of him] Yeah come on, Austin! That's it! Yeah, come on! Come on!! [Austin flips off at him] I hope you're proud of yourself yeah, that's it, I hope you're real proud. What gives you the right to destroy other people's property? What gives you the right to pour concrete in one of my Corvettes? That was part of a collection and now you've ruined it! I just hope that the Stone Cold Steve Austin Construction Company gives you a pair of boots 'cause you're gonna need 'em tonight, let me tell you that! You're gonna need 'em, because you're gonna be wrestling in that ring tonight. Yeah, but you're not gonna be wrestling by yourself, oh no! I've got a partner picked out for you: the so-called People's Champion, The Rock! Jim Ross: Austin and The Rock together? Vince McMahon: Yeah, that's the good news — if there is any good news. The bad news is that you and The Rock will be facing two individuals that I hope annihilate each other this Sunday. You'll be facing The Undertaker and Kane! [audience pop] Jim Ross: Right here tonight live, Austin and The Rock against The Undertaker and Kane. Vince McMahon: I also hope that the Austin 3:16 Construction Company is gonna provide you with a real good rear-view mirror, because I think some time tonight, you're gonna have to have eyes in the back of your head. I think, of all I've been through, these last two weeks — And I admit, my life has been a living hell. I admit—[miffed at "Asshole!" chants] WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE? Austin: I don't know how good your hearing is, but you got about 15,000 people calling you an asshole! [audience pop] McMahon: Over the last two weeks — it all started after you lost the WWF title, and you recklessly and carelessly drove that Zamboni at full speed into the arena — YOU DIDN'T CARE WHO YOU RAN OVER as long as you got to me! [anguished] And then from there, you got to me, alright. And after you did — And because of you, The Undertaker and Kane crushed my ankle. [gestures to ankle] It's crushed! I may never, ever again, play another polo match. I may never again ride a horse, ever. I may never again compete in an athletic event, and I hold you responsible! And then, in the hospital, last week — my god! My head is still ringing from being struck in the cranium by that big metal bed pan. Jim Ross: Bed pan McMahon. McMahon: My nervous system is still in shock over that defibrillation. And my rectal area, [cringes at recalling the moment] when you stuck... YOU VIOLATED ME, AUSTIN! YOU VIOLATED ME! That damn open hospital gown — Let me tell you something: As much humiliation have I had [corrects himself] that I have suffered, you're gonna suffer more and I'll tell you where, and I'll tell you when. It'll be this Sunday and it'll be in Chicago. Let me tell you something: If you don't raise the hand of the new World Wrestling Federation champion and humble yourself before me, then read my lips: I promise you, I GUARANTEE YOU, Austin, if you don't raise the hand of a new WWF champion, this Sunday, on the spot, I WILL FIRE YOUR ASS! Jim Ross: Good God. Jerry Lawler: Woh. He guaranteed it. Austin: You stupid bastard, you ain't got the balls to fire Stone Cold Steve Austin! McMahon: [irked] I don't have the balls? I've got balls the size of grapefruits! And this Sunday, you're gonna be picking the seeds out of your teeth, because, Austin, you will be humbled! I guarantee it! One way or the other — the easy way: you raise the hand of a champion. The hard way: I PUBLICLY, I GUARANTEE, I WILL [points at Austin with every word] FIRE YOUR ASS THIS SUNDAY! Hit the music! [Vince McMahon leaves.] Jerry Lawler: He meant it, JR. He guaranteed it. Jim Ross: I'll tell you one thing. When McMahon guaranteed that Austin would lose the WWF title, it happened. And now McMahon has guaranteed that if Stone Cold Steve Austin does not humble himself and raise the hand of a new WWF Champion this Sunday on pay-per-view, that Austin will be fired right on the spot. October 19 [all WWF Superstars are assembled in and around the ring for an address from Mr. McMahon] Vince McMahon: May I have your attention, please?! [crowd chants "Asshole!"] May I have your attention? I have a very important announcement to make as relates to the World Wrestling Federation Championship. As a result of an individual who is no longer gainfully employed here in the World Wrestling Federation, we have no World Wrestling Federation champion, as we speak. However, I assure you, that on the night of November 15 at the Survivor Series—as a matter of fact, I guarantee you... oh oh, there goes that word again: I guarantee you! Nonetheless, I guarantee you that on November 15 at the end of that evening we will have an undisputed WWF Champion, because on that night, at the Survivor Series, 16 WWF Superstars will compete in a one-night tournament to determine just who will be the next undisputed WWF Champion. Now, as far as some of the events of last night are concerned: Seems as though some of you are in a state of shock, some of you are in a state of disbelief. [more 'Asshole!' chants] If I am, I'm damn proud of it! Some of you are certainly in a state of shock as—'Did Vince McMahon really fire Stone Cold Steve Austin last night?' Well, for the benefit of those of you who did not join us on pay-per-view, last night at Judgment Day—how appropriate: Judgment Day! Let me repeat the words I said to Stone Cold Steve Austin: 'Austin, screw you! You're fired!' How did Austin take this news? Well, I show you how he took this news, on the TitanTron; if you'll direct your attention, someone from the production will put up a freeze frame of Stone Cold Steve Austin's face. And as soon as Stone Cold heard those words, Stone Cold had that look on his face. [gloats about the shot] A look of disbelief! He couldn't believe he had just been fired. Austin, as a matter of fact, started mumbling about something about hunting season or going hunting—I didn't know what he meant until this morning someone told me that rumor was, Austin was indeed hunting. He was hunting for a job! Austin, if you ever come into a World Wrestling Federation arena again, then you'll do so just like this capacity crowd: You'll have to buy a ticket, Austin! [more 'Asshole!' chants] So, what did it feel like? Many of you are saying to yourself, 'My God, what's it like to be Vince McMahon? What's it like to have the balls to fire Stone Cold Steve Austin?' I really wondered. I wondered if Austin provoked me, how I would feel. And last night I searched. And last night, when I fired Austin, I'll admit it felt pretty damn good. At the end of the evening, after asking that question again, I was convinced it felt great. And then, this morning—you know, when you look into that mirror, bright and early, when you first get up, that soul-searching—Alright, Vince McMahon, how did you feel after firing Stone Cold Steve Austin? You know what it felt like to me this morning? IT WAS BETTER THAN SEX! Which brings me as to why each and everyone of you stand before me as WWF Superstars. Hopefully, you all learned the lesson that Stone Cold learned last night. Hopefully, no one in that ring will EVER cross the boss, because none of you are as big as Vince McMahon! You know, all that Austin 3:16 paraphernalia out there, T-shirts, what have you? Another rumor going around... that it's going like hotcakes, because now Austin 3:16—that's a collector's item, you see! Now there's a new expression. A new expression that's gonna be sweeping the nation, sweeping the globe; and that's McMahon 3:16... And McMahon 3:16 says, "I've got the brass to fire your ass." Thank you very much! Thank you, Gentlemen! [freeze frame shot of Austin turns into live shot of Austin at his truck, in hunting camouflage bringing his rifle and bow set] [Paul Bearer and Undertaker appear one day after they turned on Kane] Undertaker: As you can plainly see, there has been a reconciliation made. Brother, Paul has come home to lead my Ministry of Darkness. And I'm sure that there is those who can't understand because they have no vision how I could align myself once more with such a despicable, evil, maniacal individual. Well if those aren't reasons enough, I don't guess I can explain it any better. What we have, is someone with vision. Someone who truly understands the power of the darkness. He allowed me to clear my head and refocus on what it is I'm here for. Now what we have is a beginning of a new era. And we will unleash with our Ministry of Darkness, a plague for which the World Wrestling Federation has never seen, nor will it be ever understood amongst those who do not relish in the darkness. So now, those of you, who do not declare, shall be declared! Paul Bearer: Kane, I used you boy. Ever since you were a little child, I took care of you like a pet, like a put dog on a leash. Just for special occasions, yes I used you, because you're stupid! You're weak! You can't even speak for yourself! You turned your back on me twice. The first time was 8 weeks ago, the last time was last night boy! You could never understand the darkness Kane, that's why I'll never have any use for you again. Undertaker: You know Kane, I know there is a thought that's been burning in your mind for years. You really wanna know what happened the day you caught on fire? Well listen, and listen close: I set that fire! And I set it because you were weak as a child, and you are weak now. And we have no room for the weak. Only the strong shall survive. [Kane comes with a casket, looks like he is going to challenge Undertaker] Kane: You and I... tonight... casket match! And brother... you will... REST IN PEACE! [Having held Vince McMahon hostage all night long, Austin ups the ante with a toy revolver that reads BANG 3:16] Austin: You've got to remember, Vince, it wasn't Stone Cold that screwed Vince McMahon, it was Vince McMahon that screwed Vince McMahon. [notices pants] I think you've got a problem there. Looks like we've got another shirt out on the way. That shirt might just say, "McMahon 3:16 says, 'I just pissed my pants.'" October 26 [Vince McMahon appears with his lawyers, Sgt Slaughter and the stooges plus Big Boss Man] Vince McMahon: Against, against my volition, Stone Cold Steve Austin is here in this arena, tonight. Not only do I hold Stone Cold Steve Austin responsible for every single, reprehensible act he committed against me, I want all of you people to know, that I hold [points to audience] each and every one of you responsible as well! My God, what's the matter with you people? I've lost all faith in humanity! Where the hell are your values? Where are your morals!? Whatever happened to the Good Samaritan? Where were you in my hour of need? I'll tell you where you were: you were cheering for every act of humiliation Austin committed against me! You savored every violation, every liberty that Austin took against me, but what you enjoyed the most was when Austin forced me to go to the ring. He made me get down on my knees, he made me beg! He made me... [saddened] he made me cry! He made me urinate myself! [angry] And where were you? Where were any of you? No one came to my aid. [to stooges] Not you, Brisco! Not you Patterson, or the Commissioner, no one. My ankle has been reinjured, I've ruined a perfectly good Armani suit. I hurt all over. But most of all, my feelings have been hurt. They have been crushed, but despite the injury, the insult Austin, after the injury I will never ever forgive you for! That wasn't a letter of introduction you jammed down in my coat pocket oh no, that was a legal document Austin and you know damn well then it was a legal document, and with this battery of attorneys I have behind me, Austin, I will fight you. I will fight you in court if I can, hell I'll fight you all the way to the Supreme Court! Austin, before you make your next move, you better take stock in what I say. Steve Austin: [appears on TitanTron] Well speaking of stock, here am I. I've been stocking Pampers diapers, in case the bastard pisses all over himself! You know what I mean! [Shane McMahon appears as Vince fumes at Austin being employed in the WWF with a new contract and ignores his calls to join him on the stage] Shane McMahon: I don't listen to you anymore. I am an officer, more importantly, a stockholder of this company, and what you did to Stone Cold Steve Austin was wrong, Dad. You were wrong. Vince McMahon: [to the stooges] He's just a kid, he's just a kid! Shane: I just wanted to tell you personally that it was me. It was me, Dad, that hired Stone Cold back. Dad, it was me!... Hey, I guess I finally have your attention now, don't I? After 28 years, I FINALLY have your attention. I've seen superstars come, and I've seen superstars go, and why, Dad, why? Because it's always been about your ego! You said it yourself: no one's bigger than Vince McMahon, oh no! All my life, people have asked me, 'Boy, what's it like to be Vince McMahon's son? Wow, isn't that great?' And I have lied year after year after year... [gets more emotional] to protect you, to protect our family name. Well, the lying stops now! I'm tired of it!... You never cared about me! Everything—I couldn't do anything right for you. Nothing is ever right. My grades in school were never good enough for you. Vince: [in tears] Yes they were! Shane: My athletic accomplishments were never good enough for you. My business deals—no matter how much money I made you—was never good enough for YOU! The only thing I ever wanted from you, the only thing I ever wanted, is for you to be proud of me. OF ME! But I finally figured it out: That's never ever gonna happen, because it's never been about me, it's been about you. YOU, DAD! [Vince closes his eyes and grimaces because Shane struck a raw nerve] It's always about perception. Perception. Ever since, I'm always known as Vince's boy. 'How does Vince's boy make him look?' It wasn't about me, it was about how I made you look, that perception, at your big corporate parties. Vince: [saddened] You're my son— Shane: Yeah, I'm your son, but I'm not your little boy anymore. I'm a man and I stand in this ring as a man. I'm no longer your boy, Dad. I'm proud of who I am. I am proud of the person I have become. My name is Shane McMahon, and for 28 years—for 28 years I've finally built up enough courage to face you here today, to stand up to YOU! I guess, now you have something to be proud of me about, don't you Dad? Because I finally stood up to you and I had the BRASS to do it!... Isn't it ironic? I guess, I'm just like you after all, isn't that right, Dad?!? [tosses mic back to Austin as Vince rebuffs Pat Patterson trying to comfort him] Steve Austin: If you think Vince got what he had comin', gimme a hell yeah. Audience: HELL YEAH!! November 2 [A wheelchair-bound Vince McMahon has just made Mankind promise he won't interfere in an upcoming match between Ken Shamrock and the Rock and has something for him] Vince McMahon: I have it for you. [takes off black sheet] This is the WWF Hardcore Championship belt, and Mick, you've earned it. You've earned it. [Big Boss Man moves away to open a door] Mankind: [accepts title and laughs] I love it! [kisses belt] I gotta be honest with you, I love it! Vince: Just one thing. In some respects, I think I lost a son tonight... [puts hand on Mankind's shoulder] maybe I gained another. Mankind: Really? [Vince drives off] Gee thanks, Dad. [Vince stops, visibly irked. Leaves] November 16 [Vince McMahon addresses the crowd] Vince McMahon: Thank you for that warm Kentucky reception! Last night at the Survivor Series, my son Shane and I proved that whoever it was that said 'you can't fool all of the people all of the time' was a damn fool. A damned fool is someone who insists on doing things the hard way. A damned fool is someone who embraces middle class ethics and values. And a damned fool, a damned fool is someone who doesn't pucker up and kiss the boss' ass. Now now now wait a minute, now don't tell me all of you don't kiss the boss' ass, I know you do, you probably don't just kiss it enough! Right now, I would like to introduce you to someone who certainly is no damn fool, oh no, he's not the People's Champion, he never was; he's always been MY Champion. Ladies and gentlemen, the World Wrestling Federation Champion - the CORPORATE Champion - LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE ROCK! [The Rock comes to the ring] Ladies and gentlemen, listen up to the Rock! The Rock: You know Mr. McMahon, all day long the Rock's phone has been ringin' off the hook, and the message has been clear. Why Rock? Why did you sell out? Well, actually, the Rock never sold out - the Rock just... got ahead. Now, will some of you call the Rock a kissass? Well I'm sure you will, because quite frankly, you are all unintelligent pieces of trailer park trash - do you smell it? Now, you pieces of trash - you work your candyasses off day after day after day, 9 to 5, for minimum wage. Well, the Rock did what the Rock had to do to get to the top of the World and that is him standing smack dab in the middle of the Corporate ring, your WWF World Champion! Now, sure, you pieces of trash, you work hard, you do what you have to do, day after day, and quite frankly, you're all no different from a big piece - the biggest piece of trailer park trash in Stone Cold Steve Austin. Well, I'll tell you what, you and Austin, you can have your morality, you can have your honesty, you can have your blood... you can have your blood, your sweat and your tears, I'll tell you what, all that hard work, fifty cents couldn't buy you a cup of redneck coffee. Now: 'Die Rocky Die.' 'Rocky Sucks?' You see, the Rock NEVER, EVER forgot that, and he's gonna damn sure make sure that you NEVER, EVER forget it as well. You see what the Rock plans on doin' is he plans on raisin' the Peop- oh, I'm sorry, he plans on raisin' the Corporate Eyebrow, he plans on planting ya with the Rock Bottom, and the Rock damn sure plans on layin' the smack down on your candy ass with the most electrifying move in sports entertainment today, the Corporate Elbow. Now, the Rock said that he would rather be the People's Ass than to ever kiss his. But now, the Rock says, he would much rather kiss Mr. McMahon's ass than to EVER, and the Rock means EVER, kiss yours if you smell what the Rock is cooking! November 23 [The Undertaker and Paul Bearer are setting up a sedated Stone Cold Steve Austin to be embalmed alive] The Undertaker: [to Austin as Paul Bearer patches him up] I hope that you could hear me, because what you're about to experience is the worst imaginable pain and horror that you could ever endure. You see there, Austin? When one understands it, they become ageless. They become deathless. They become immortal!! [begins sacrificial oration] Satana, badala, anda ov satana [picks up trocar and prepares to stab Austin] Satana, nadala, anail, nathrak, dorthnei, diednei [knock on door and Paul Bearer answers] Paul Bearer: [sees who it is] Kane!!! December 7 [Austin comes to ring with everyone's cheer] Steve Austin: For the last few months, here in the World Wrestling Federation, with the title or without, Vince McMahon has seen fit to throw everything that he can at Stone Cold Steve Austin and somehow I've always managed to scrape by. That's all fine and well, but six days from now at Rock Bottom in a Buried Alive match, in my opinion, the stakes are stacked higher than they've ever been for Stone Cold Steve Austin. Undertaker, you come out here, talk about sacrificing me, about wanting my soul, you hit me in the head with a shovel, you tried to bury me, you tried to embalm me and none of that worked... in the Ministry of Stone Cold Steve Austin, at Rock Bottom, you can bet your ass that you can expect no mercy from Stone Cold Steve Austin, and that's all I got to say about that! [Lights get closed and Undertaker's theme song plays as a TX symbol appears in front of the screen] Undertaker: [voiceover] Austin, we've traveled down the highway to hell, and our journey has enlightened us on a few matters. One, you're helpless against my Ministry, and the other is I can take your rotting soul any time I wish. Tonight, our journey stops in your purgatory, where you will remain until Rock Bottom, and on that night boy, I will sacrifice you to the Ministry of Darkness and let the entire world watch you get buried alive and BURN IN HELL! [The symbol gets burned by a storm, as Austin is a little scared] December 28 Val Venis: Hello, ladies! You know something? For the next couple of days, [points to right leg] this leg will be known as Christmas, and [points to left leg] this leg will be known as New Years. So ladies, why don't y'all come visit the Big Valbowski between the holidays. 1999 January 4 [DLo and Mark Henry are in the ring because of PMS' S&M stunt on Mark the previous night. When Terri Runnels says there's more in store for him...] DLo Brown: Now what you need to do, you need to back up, you two glorified ring rats!!! You need to keep your damn distance, especially after what you did to Mark Henry last week! You damn sure recognize and damn sure lucky that I'm a gentleman otherwise- [DX music kicks in and Chyna comes to the ring] Chyna: He may be a gentleman but I'm not, and I'm telling you [to Jackie] for the first time, for the last time - [to Terri whose back is to her] look at me when I'm talking to you, the ONLY TIME... [points to Mark Henry] Stay away from my man! [Mark Henry is overjoyed but gets ecstatic when Chyna shoves Jackie to the mat for mocking her. PMS leaves] Chyna: Next time, I'm not gonna be so ladylike! [to Mark] And I'll see you later. [The Rock is livid that Vince caved to Mankind's demand for a WWF title match just to spare Shane from a broken shoulder] The Rock: I'm the damn champ. How could you just give in so damn easy? Regardless of who it is, I'm not even ready, the Rock doesn't have his clothes, he got nothing... [Shane and Vince talk over him] Shane McMahon: He nearly broke my left shoulder. Vince McMahon: It's my son, dammit! The Rock: The Rock doesn't have his clothes. I'm the champ and then now all of a sudden, I gotta face Mankind?! Vince: It's my son!! The Rock: I know it's your damn son but dammit I... Vince: [as they all walk to the backstage] Go get ready, you're a champion! C'mon, get ready, you're a champion! [During the No-Disqualification WWF Championship match] Michael Cole: DX and the Corporate Team are going at it! Jerry "The King" Lawler: Look out! [Glass shatters] What?! Oh no! Cole: Stone Cold is here! Stone Cold is here! Lawler: Look out, Mr. McMahon! The Rattlesnake is here! [Austin enters the ring and nails The Rock on the head with a chair] Cole: Stone Cold with a chair! [Austin drapes Mankind on top of The Rock] He pulled Mankind on The Rock! Lawler: [as Hebner counts] No! No! [Three count] Don't do it! [arena erupts] Tony Chimel: Here is your winner and the NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion: Mankind! Lawler: [over the announcement] Oh my God, no! Cole: Mankind did it! Mick Foley did it! Lawler: No, Stone Cold did it! Cole: Mankind has achieved his dream, and the dream of everyone else who's been told, "you can't do it"! Lawler: No! You can't do it! You can't do this! Mankind: At the risk of not sounding very cool, I'd like to dedicate this match to my two little people at home and say...BIG DADDIO DID IT! Jerry Lawler: This is the blackest day in the history of the WWF!! January 11 [The Acolytes look on, waiting for "He" and having Dennis Knight ready for him; The Undertaker comes to stage and sits on his throne] Undertaker: They laid me down in a grave as if it would be my final resting place, filling it with the Earth's rotting soil. They tried to destroy me, wishing I would just go away. But what is it? What have they really done? The simple minds of mortal men... they sent me back to the place that is my origin. Destroy me? The more they try, the more powerful I've become. And now, I've risen from my earthy grave and I will slay the ones I once saved. The reckoning is upon us. The day that the Ministry of Darkness seizes the land, destroys all that you hold dear, make play things of your heroes and devours your innocence. The plague of darkness is coming; an all encompassing evil from which there is no escape, no mercy, no hope. Its called the future. And in the future, I will look down upon thee and I will decide whether you are an Agent of Darkness, or are you just mere kindling for my fires. The Power of Darkness shall be offered only to a chosen few. And those that resist the temptations of my Ministry, pain becomes synonymous with punishment. Embrace the Darkness and relish in the unearthly delight that pain has to offer. Resist and there are no limits to the torment you subject yourself to. Don't fight it. It will tear your soul apart. So let my servants be few and secret. They shall rule the many and the known, for I am the reaper of men, the chaser of souls, the weaver of nightmares. I am the heart of darkness. I am now and ever will be the purity of evil. The hell you were threatened with as a child is no longer an option. It is a reality, a living, breathing reality and you are all right in the middle of it. Yes, hell has relocated to Earth. [He comes to Knight and touches his face] Undertaker: Anail, nathrak, dorthnei, diednei. [He cuts his wrist and fills cup with his blood] Undertaker: From this moment on, you are no longer Dennis Knight. You are Mideon. Now drink. Bradshaw: (repeatedly, as Undertaker pours his blood into Mideon's mouth) Accept the Lord of Darkness as your savior. Undertaker: Anail, nathrak, dorthnei, diednei. [He opens Mideon's chest and draws his TX symbol onto it] Faarooq: (repeatedly, as Undertaker draws his symbol) Accept the purity of evil. Undertaker: (leaves Mideon and walks in front of his throne) Now you will know why you are afraid of the dark and you will learn why. [Undertaker's symbol gets burned by a storm] [Chyna appears as the last Corporate Rumble entry but Vince McMahon is distracted by Stone Cold Steve Austin] Jerry Lawler: [sees Chyna] We got problems! Watch out, watch out [as Chyna rolls Vince over the top rope] WATCH OUT!! Michael Cole: [as Shane repeatedly screams NO! seeing Vince whiplashed and sprawled from the bottom rope] There goes the draw! Chyna wins the Corporate Rumble! Chyna is No 30 in the Royal Rumble! Lawler: Mr McMahon has been eliminated by a woman!! Cole: Austin made sure that he meets Mr McMahon first at the Rumble! Shane McMahon: Austin you'll pay!!!! Austin you're gonna pay at the Rumble! Cole: Steve Austin and Mr McMahon are gonna be one on one at the Rumble. McMahon: I HATE HIM!!! I HATE HIM!!! Cole: Mr McMahon is No 2. Stone Cold is No 1.. McMahon: How can Chyna be No 30?!? Cole: The Rattlesnake has struck again. McMahon: Austin will pay for this, I tell you that! January 18 [Undertaker comes to stage and sits on his throne as Mideon sits across him] Undertaker: Poor wretched souls. Your world is polluted with rotting souls. Seven nights past, you witnessed one of these souls become one with the power of the Darkness. Mideon - he was once a forgotten face in a vast ocean of individuals abused by the corrupt politics of your world. Now, he sees what you cannot. He feels what you cannot. Seven nights ago, Dennis Knight ceased to exist and Mideon was given everlasting life. As was all of my Ministry. Tonight, I speak a prophecy - and what I will shall be done. The sacrifices are not over. And the ceremony has been scheduled. For all who walk on the mortal side of life, take heed: On January 24th, the next sacrificial lamb will be led to slaughter, and your simple minds won't allow you to believe who the next victim will be. So attend if you dare, resist - and you subject yourself to agonising pain and extreme suffering. So until we meet again, accept the Lord of Darkness as your saviour! Allow the purity of evil to guide you! January 25 [Aftermath of Royal Rumble. Mr. McMahon and The Corporation explaining the aftermath in which McMahon was the Royal Rumble winner, and that he waived all rights and privileges to face the WWF Champion at WrestleMania. Commentary by Michael Cole and Jerry "The King" Lawler.] Mr. McMahon: Stone Cold, I told you there was no chance in hell of you winning the Royal Rumble! Jerry "The King" Lawler: I love to hear him say that. That is so great— Say it again! McMahon: And quite frankly, Austin... as far as I'm concerned, you will never, ever again step into the ring with the WWF Champion, much less myself, because you know what, Stone Cold? You've simply run out of chances, Austin. Lawler: Good. [The Titantron appears on screen with a familiar voice.] Stone Cold Steve Austin: Hey, jackass, look over the big screen! I'm up here! Michael Cole: Hey! Lawler: What? McMahon: [surprised] Wha—What are you—What are you? Austin: [on-screen live via satellite] (Don't) look at me in your side, look at me, you sorry son of a bitch! McMahon: You're— you're up where? Where are you? Austin: I'm in Texas. McMahon: Oh, okay. You're in Texas, I'm in Arizona. That makes sense to me, because I'm sure that you've been humiliated! I'm sure you can't even come out of your house! I'm sure people are coming up to you and saying, "Hey, aren't you the guy— Aren't you the guy that Vince McMahon threw over the top rope?" Lawler: Ha-hah! Yes! Cole: [deadpan] I doubt it. Austin: [grins] Yeah, I think that sounds all— That sounds fine, Vince, but uh, I'll tell you this...I'm going to WrestleMania. Cole: What? Well— I-I guess, as a fan— McMahon: Uh...wha— You mean— You mean you're gonna buy a ticket to go to WrestleMania? Austin: No, you dumb son of a bitch, I'm telling you I'm going to WrestleMania to face the champion! Lawler: [confused] What? McMahon: Uh...no— Well, you must be, chewing on some locoweed or something down there in Texas... Lawler: Yeah. [The Rock mocking the gesture based on McMahon's claim] McMahon: ...I-I have no idea— I mean...what— What are you saying? Austin: Eh, I don't know what you're talking about all this locoweed— all your little crap you're talking about. I'm telling you right now in English: Read my lips if you got a hard time hearing what I'm saying! I'm going to WrestleMania to wrestle the champion! I'm telling you that, but not just me telling you that! [gestures off-screen] The guy right beside me is telling you the same damn thing! [Commissioner Shawn Michaels appears on camera next to Austin] Lawler: [shocked] What? What!? Cole: [overlapping Lawler] It's the Commissioner! Commissioner Shawn Michaels is with Austin! [McMahon reacts with a gulp.] February 15 [The Ministry of Darkness come to the ring] Paul Bearer: You don't hear the fat man talk too much these days unless I have something very important to say, so I suggest you listen. And you - owner of the World Wrestling Federation, Vincent K. McMahon - bring your butt off that pedestal that you built for yourself and listen to the Lord of Darkness. Undertaker: McMahon, in time, your World Wrestling Federation will belong to me. One by one, they will all fall before my Ministry. Last night, the Bossman received just a small sample of the power I possess. Last night, Bossman, we let you go. Next time, you won't be so lucky. What we did, Mr. McMahon, is we went to the heart and soul of your Corporation and we took him out. Just to let you know that we can take anybody, any time we desire. And there's not a damn thing that you can do about it. Now I'm sure you're asking yourself, Mr. McMahon, how can I be so confident? How can I succeed when all others have failed? It's simple. I own the key to your heart, and your soul. While you were preoccupied with your petty obsessions, I have amassed an army. An army that will destroy you and your corporation. Each soul that we take, we take in the name of a far greater power than even myself. And in that power's name, in its grandest vision, in its grandest dream, and in my Ministry's destiny, I will own the World Wrestling Federation. [Big Bossman appears, who got attacked by the Ministry previous night] Big Bossman: You want some of me? You want some of the Big Bossman? I don't think so. I'm not hard to find. You got aspirations, taking over the Corporation? No way, pal. Bottomline is, if you got the guts, let's get it started here tonight. Any three of you punks against me, two of my guys, tonight. You know what I mean. Undertaker, it's just a matter of time, punk, I'm gonna stick my foot up your dead ass! [Bossman leaves the stage] Undertaker: You know, you should be more careful what you ask for. [As the match between the Ministry of Darkness and the Corporation continues, the lights get off and The Undertaker comes with the rest of the Ministry, having Shane McMahon kidnapped] Undertaker: Boy, I should carve your heart out right here. But I don't think your father would really give a damn. But then again. [Undertaker lifts Shane up while choking him] Undertaker: Here boy, I do have something for you. Shane: Don't cut me, please don't cut me! [Undertaker takes out an envelope of the inner pocket of his robe] Shane: Don't cut me! Undertaker: Listen boy, give this to your father and tell him it comes from the Lord of Darkness. [Shane takes the envelope and gets off] February 22 [The Undertaker appears on the titantron] Undertaker: The battle has been joined. My agents of darkness are poised to unleash my reign of terror on the World Wrestling Federation. All in the name of my master. McMahon, you think you have problems with Austin. Oh, but your problems, they've just begun. And the audacity. Do you think you can actually eliminate me with an Inferno Match? Don't you realize there's some flames that can't be extinguished? And the Lord of Darkness is one of them. Soon McMahon, you will realize that I am your worst nightmare. And by the way, tonight, I intend on showing you just how serious I am with my threat. Tonight, if you like, you can even call it a surprise. McMahon, the World Wrestling Federation will be mine. March 22 [Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon, and the Rock have just been given a beer bath by Stone Cold Steve Austin] Jerry Lawler: [seeing Vince totally drenched] Look at Mr McMahon. That's a $3,000 suit! Michael Cole: It was a $3,000 suit! Billy Gunn: Tonight is the night when the New Age Outlaws see who is the best of the best. You see, it's called competitiveness, and that's what made the New Age Outlaws what they are today—the best tag team to ever step foot in the World Wrestling Federation. But tonight, Mr. Ass is walking out with the Intercontinental Title and the Hardcore Title. Sorry. Road Dogg: Well, don't be sorry, because the D-O-double-G lives his life all or nothing, and tonight he's gonna walk away with A-double-L. So Mr. A-double-crooked-letter, I'll see your ass at ringside. Gunn: [sotto voce] Yep, and you'll walk out with nothing like when I found you. March 29 X-Pac: You know, one year ago tonight, I came back here to the World Wrestling Federation. I came back because I got a call from a friend. He said, "Kid, DX has fallen apart. Please come help hold this thing together." Well, it's been a hell of a ride! Along with the New Age Outlaws, we've kicked ass and taken names for a year straight! But unless you've had your head buried in the sand, you know last night, that all changed. You know, we've got a lot of important choices to make in life, and last night, you made yours. But tonight, I make mine, and D-Generation X will not die! X-Pac and the New Age Outlaws will come out here each and every week and say "Suck It!" and raise hell! But now, I'm talking to you, Hunter. That is your name, but tonight, you're not Hunter, you are the hunted, pal. Because tonight, we will fight, and your ass is grass, and I'm gonna smoke it! April 26 [Vince is asking Stone Cold Steve Austin to deliver the WWF's ownership papers personally to the Undertaker as ransom for Stephanie McMahon, but Austin is not quite convinced of his sincerity] Vince McMahon: I don't mean to interrupt, but, I guess maybe I do. This is not easy for me, but...what I'm trying to say...to make a long story short, I need your help. Stone Cold Steve Austin: You said— You said what? You need my help? Is that what you said? Vince McMahon: I need your help. The Undertaker has my daughter, Stephanie, and I need your help. Stone Cold Steve Austin: You got to clear this up exactly for me. What are you trying to say? Just go ahead and say something, 'cause you ain't making no sense. Vince McMahon: Well...this isn't— It's not anything personal. I know that you don't like me and I know you never will. [Austin nods in agreement mouthing 'Right!'] Vince McMahon: And the feeling is somewhat mutual, but...it's not about you and me. This is personal and it involves my daughter Stephanie. And Steve, you can help me. Stone Cold Steve Austin: With all due respect, to you and your little daughter— Hell, son, I've got a million problems of my own. So as far as I'm concerned, I really don't give a rat's ass about your problems. Vince McMahon: But Steve, The Undertaker has made...he's made some demands. He's asked for some documentation and that's all right with me, I don't care about the documentation. But he's made other demands. He's demanded that, instead of me delivering the documentation to him, he's demanded that you deliver that documentation to him, and if you do that I really believe that everything will be fine with my daughter Stephanie, and I think you can understand from my point of view as a father. Stone Cold Steve Austin: What you're saying is— What you're saying is Vince McMahon needs Stone Cold Steve Austin! That's what you're saying? [Vince nods sheepishly] Stone Cold Steve Austin: So if that's true...if that is true that Vince McMahon needs Stone Cold Steve Austin, then that's what I want you to say to me. Say it to me: "Vince McMahon needs Stone Cold Steve Austin." Vince McMahon: Vince McMahon needs Stone Cold Steve Austin. Stone Cold Steve Austin: That all sounds real good Vince, but hell, you must think that I have a real horrible memory because the last 15 months, every single night I come to work, you see fit to put my life, make my life a living hell, and I will give you credit, you have done one helluva job. [Vince is dejected] Stone Cold Steve Austin: Stone Cold Steve Austin never forgets one single thing that happens right here in the World Wrestling Federation. So...since Vince McMahon needs Stone Cold Steve Austin, I'll say this. By the same token, Stone Cold Steve Austin needs Vince McMahon... [Vince seems optimistic] Stone Cold Steve Austin: ...to kiss his ass, and that's the bottom line, 'cause Stone Cold said so!! [a saddened Vince walks away] [the Ministry of Darkness prepares Stephanie McMahon to be married to the Undertaker - even as she screams away and the Undertaker touches her] Undertaker: Before the ceremony begins, I must address the McMahon family, I am not to blame for what is about to happen here. Vince, this rests upon your shoulders, because you did not live up to your end of the agreement. And Steve Austin, well I guess, showed his true colors as well. Paul, let the ceremony begin. Paul Bearer: Dearly unbeloved, we gather here this evening to join Stephanie Marie McMahon, in the unholy wedlock with the Lord of Darkness. Tonight, Stephanie Marie McMahon will step from the light of this evil, cesspool, mortal world, into the sanctuary of eternal darkness. Keeping this in mind, will you, Stephanie Marie McMahon accept the purity of evil and take the Lord of Darkness as your master and your spouse? Stephanie McMahon: No! NOOO!!! [Ken Shamrock tries to get in but the Acolytes hold him down to be squashed by Viscera] Bearer: Lord of Darkness, is it your intent to accept Stephanie Marie McMahon, her body, her mind, her soul, and even her breath unto yourself, [Taker lightly reaches for her neck] and allow her to bear your offspring? Stephanie: NOOO!!!! Undertaker: I do. [the Big Show appears and breaks through the Acolytes and Viscera - but Undertaker gets Shamrock's baseball bat and hits him off the ring] Bearer: By the power vested in me by the Lord of Darkness, I now pronounce you as the Unholy Union of Darkness. You may now kiss your bride! [Stone Cold runs to the ring and brawls Undertaker, then the Ministry try to attack Austin but he beats down all them] May 24 (RAW Is Owen) Jim Ross: Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the sold out Kiel Center here in St. Louis. As you can see, WWF superstars, scores of superstars lining up to pay tribute to the life and the times of the late Owen Hart, who died last night in a tragic accident at Over the Edge in Kansas City. Vince McMahon: [narrating] Last night, a tragic accident took the life of Owen Hart. He was 34. There are no words that can express the profound sorrow felt today by so many of us who knew and loved this very special human being. Fans throughout the world shared a small portion of Owen's life through his various ring personas, but to know Owen Hart, the human being was pure joy. Owen loved this business and loved to entertain both in it, and out of the ring. He was a consummate performer, and a legendary prankster. In the extended family of professional wrestlers, respect does not come easily, and is not taken lightly. Owen Hart had that respect. He was more than just one of the boys. Owen Hart was a friend and a brother to all. Our locker room and our lives will never ever be the same again. A loving son, brother, uncle, husband, and father. Owen is survived by his wife Martha, his son Oje, and daughter Athena. Our prayers go out to them and the entire Hart family. With heavy hearts and the deepest of sympathies to his family, we say goodbye. If the legacy of a man's life is measured by the lives he's touched, and how much he is loved, then a big piece of Owen Hart will live on in all of us. The Godfather: You know what, Road Dogg? Instead of me and you just kicking the hell out of each other, especially today, why don't me and you and these fine hos over here...we go to downtown St. Louis and we light it up all night long? Road Dogg: What do you say, me and you go burn one and tell some Owen stories. Billy Gunn: If you're not down with Owen Hart, I got two words for ya... Crowd: SUCK IT! June 7 [During Undertaker's WWF Championship defense against the Big Show, Taker is caught in Big Show's chokeslam coming off the top rope] Jim Ross: The Undertaker's on top, he got caught at the hand of the Big Show. Jerry Lawler: [as Big Show signals for the chokeslam] He said he was gonna do it- he's doing it!! Ross: The chokeslam, [Undertaker breaks through the ring] oh- Lawler and Ross: OH MY GOD!!! Ross: Right through the ring!! The Big Show chokeslammed the Undertaker all the way to hell! Lawler: What? Ross: [as Earl Hebner calls for the bell] All the way through the ring! They're both down!!! The Big Show and the Undertaker are both down! [bell still rings as Big Show kicks Undertaker before leaving the hole] The match is over! The match has been stopped! Lawler: What? Ross: The ring has been destroyed... Lawler: Look at that! Ross: ...by the damndest chokeslam I've ever seen! August 9 Chris Jericho: Welcome to Raw Is Jericho! And I am the new millennium for the World Wrestling Federation. Now for those of you who don't know me, I am Chris Jericho, your new hero, your party host, and most importantly, the most charismatic showman to ever enter your living rooms via a television screen. And for those of you who DO know me, well, all hail the Ayatollah of Rock and Roll-a! Now when you think of the new millennium, you think of an event so gigantic that it changes the course of history. You think of a dawning of a new era. In this case, the dawning of a new era in the WWF. Thank you, thank you. And a new era is what this once proud and profitable company sorely needs. What was once a captivating, trend-setting program has now deteriorated into a cliched, let's be honest, boring snoozefest that is in dire need of a knight in shining armor, and that's why I'm here. Chris Jericho has come to save the WWF! Now let's go over the facts. Television ratings, downward spiral; pay-per-view buy-rates, plummeting; mainstream acceptance, non-existent; and reactions of the live crowds, complete and utter silence. And I know why you're silent! You're silent because you're embarrassed to be here. And quite honestly, I'm embarrassed for you. And the reason why you're embarrassed is because of the steady stream of uninteresting, untalented, mediocre "sports entertainers" who you're forced to cheer for and care for. No wonder you're not cheering! You could care less about every single idiot in that dressing room, [indicating The Rock] and especially this idiot in the center of the ring. You people have been led to believe that mediocrity is excellence. Uh-uh. Jericho is excellence. And now for the first time in WWF history, you have a man who can entertain you. You have a man who is good enough for you. You have a man who can make you jump up off your chairs, raise your filthy fat little hands in the air and scream "Go Jericho go! Go Jericho go! Go Jericho go!" Thank you. The new millennium has arrived in the WWF, and now that the Y2J problem is here, this company—from the front-office idiots to all the amateurs in the dressing room, including this one, to everybody watching tonight—will never, eeee-ee-eh-ever be the same a-gain! The Rock: ...After three boring minutes, The Rock says, "Know Your Role, AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" How dare you little jabroni come on The Rock Show, and not even have the class to introduce yourself. What is your name? Chris Jericho: I told you-- The Rock: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS! The Rock says you talk about your Y2J plan? Well, The Rock has a plan of his own, and it's called the K-Y Jelly plan. Which...which means The Rock is gonna lube his size 13 boot real good. Turn that sumbitch sideways, and STICK it straight up your candy ass! If you smelllll...what The Rock...is cooking. August 23 [Outside Jeff Jarrett's locker room, where a contract for an Intercontinental Title match is taped to the door] Billy Gunn: Chyna, I need a favor. You got a pen? I need a pen. Chyna: I don't have one. Billy Gunn: All right, come here. Stay right here, don't let anybody sign this, I'll be right back, I've gotta find a pen. Jerry Lawler: [as Billy walks away] Hey, that...that must be Jeff Jarrett's contract. Chyna: Okay. Jerry: Looks like Mr. Ass wants a piece of Jeff Jarrett, he wants to sign that contract. Michael Cole: Look! Chyna's got a pen! Jerry: What's she doing?! Cole: [as Chyna signs and runs away] She's signing the open contract to meet Jeff Jarrett for the Intercontinental Championship! September 20 Bradshaw: You know, these Dudley Boys come into the World Wrestling Federation trying to make a name out of themselves by taking on us. You know, they come out here and they spout their commandments. Well, we got three commandments too, it's real simple. #1—Thou shalt not drink our beer; #2—Thou shalt not mess with our rats; and #3—I guess Public Enemy didn't tell them, Thou shalt not cut a promo on the Acolytes! November 8 [Big Boss Man has interrupted the ten-bell salute for Big Show's father] Big Boss Man: Hold on just one minute! Jim Ross: What the hell does he want King? Jerry Lawler: Well I have no idea. Boss Man: How dare you start the grieving process without me? I've got feelings too! It pains me deeply to hear that the Big Show's dad has passed on. In fact it pains me so deeply I went out and bought a sympathy card, and I'd like to read it to you, if I could. Lawler: Sympathy card? Ross: The disingenuous... [Boss Man gets the card] Lawler: This is not good. Ross: No it isn't. Boss Man: Shut up and listen to me. With the deepest regrets, and tears that are soaked, I'm sorry to hear your dad finally croaked. He lived a full life on his own terms. Soon he'll be buried and eaten by worms. But if I could have a son as stupid as you, I'd have wished for cancer so I would die too. So be brave and be strong. Get your life on track. 'Cause the old bastard's dead and he ain't never coming back! Ross: I am not believing what we are hearing here. Boss Man: That's exactly how I feel about the Big Show's daddy being dead! December 20 [Val Venis is in the ring for his Holiday Topless Top Rope match against Hardcore Holly] Val Venis: Hello Ladies!! You know something, ladies, you are a lot like Christmas trees. You know, you smell good. You're pretty to look at, but you never really feel special until I [makes thrusting motion] PLUG IT IN and light you up! 2000 January 24 [Triple H and Stephanie McMahon gloat over him defeating Cactus Jack at the Royal Rumble, but Big Show complains to them about The Rock's cheating him out of the finish of the Royal Rumble, which would have gained him a WWF Championship match against HHH at WrestleMania] Triple H: Show me the proof and it's yours. [The Rock's entrance music kicks in and he appears] The Rock: Finally, The Rock has come back to Philadelphia! Triple H, The Rock says this - seeing as he just won the Royal Rumble, it officially makes your days as the WWF Champion, numbered. Translation, at WrestleMania, The Rock is just gon' kick your monkey ass. [to Big Show as crowd chants "Rocky!"] Now, onto you. Seven feet, five hundred pounds of whinin' bitchin' moanin' [mock whining] 'Oh The Rock's feet touched the ground first [normal voice] well The Rock says it doesn't MATTER if The Rock's feet touched the ground first! The Rock says this, it doesn't matter if The Rock's feet touched the ground, it doesn't matter where The Rock's feet touched, the ground, the mat, or straight up your big fat candyass! This ain't the NFL - there is no instant replay - the only thing that matters RIGHT NOW is The Rock has won the Royal Rumble, The Rock is going to WrestleMania, and The Rock stands before [points at the people in the ring] you, and you, and even you - the People's Champion. Triple H: You know, Show, seems that uh, you and I seem to have a little common problem. To be that jackass up there with the big ego - seems to be a common thorn on our sides. So I'll tell ya what - tonight - you and I, we're gonna team up and we're gonna get in the ring... against The Rock and a partner of your choosing. That is, if - you can go in the back and find one of those - what do you call 'em, Rock, jabronies? - that you like to put down so much. If you can get one of those jabronies to pal up with you, be your friend, and tag with you, then you got yourself a deal. If not, if one of those jabronies WON'T tag with you, then [to Big Show] you and I we're gonna have ourselves a little handicap match with The Rock. The Rock: Well, The Rock says this - if there is someone in the back who wants to team with The Rock, then that's fine... The Rock doesn't need it, The Rock doesn't want it. The Rock says this, against you and you, two-on-one against the Great One means this, is one way or the other, come hell or high water, bet your candyasses you will smell what The Rock is [points to them] cookin'. January 31 [JR and the King talk about the tag team championship match between Al Snow and Steve Blackman against the New Age Outlaws, but JR notices Al Snow going down to one section of the front row] Jim Ross: [sees Snow greet some people who just came down] Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hey, wait a minute! My God, that's... that's Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero, Perry Saturn, Dean Malenko! Jerry "The King" Lawler: What are they doing here tonight? Jim: What the hell is going on here? Those four guys... Well, King, we know it's all over the Internet they thumbed their noses at their last employer! Jerry: Well, I know that. They walked out on that Ted Turner organization, but what are they doing here? Jim: I know the WWF's been negotiating with those four superstars, but they've not signed any contracts that I'm aware of. Jerry: Well, they haven't signed any contracts yet, so maybe they're just here to... They're just sitting at ringside, maybe they're here to get a bird's-eye view of the competition. Jim: Well, all I'd say that's a pretty radical strategy on their part, wouldn't you think? It was radical enough that they walked out on their last employer because it was a lousy place to be, in their opinion. Jerry: Well that was... Jim: ...and showing up here unannounced is nothing short of radical either. [The Rock is on the TitanTron after Big Show just defeated 2Cool] The Rock: Finally, the Rock has come BACK to Pittsburgh! Big Show, The Rock realizes what just took place, The Rock realizes that you won a hard-fought victory, well congratulations, but The Rock has but one thing to say to you: [singsong] somebody got a haircut!! [Big Show angrily stomps his feet] So that officially means Big Show that you're no longer a long-haired, seven-feet, 500-pound piece of monkey crap, no you are not. You are a SHORT-HAIRED seven-feet, 500-pound piece of steaming, stinking, grade-A monkey crap!!! Now Big Show, you want to run your month about how you've got an eyewitness to The Rock's feet hitting the ground at the Royal Rumble, well The Rock says this: He is tired of hearing you whine. The Rock is tired of hearing you bitch, the Rock is tired of hearing you cry and moan like a baby but there is something that the Rock wants [open palm and points at Big Show] you to listen to... and that is the most important sound you will ever hear in your pathetic life, and that is all the Rock's fans chanting his name! [audience responds with Rocky! chants] Now Big Show, seeing as you've heard the sound, The Rock says, go back to Supercuts and get your five dollars back, jabroni!! Now on to our Olympic hero, Kurt Angle. Kurt Angle the Rock says this you run your mouth about how you beat the Rock. The Rock says you have never - and The Rock means [audience joins for the word] NEVER!! Ever beaten the Rock, so the Rock says this quite simply put, the Rock says that tonight, you like to wear your gold medals, well the Rock says this, he's gonna go out there and win a gold medal for kicking your candy ass all over Pittsburgh! If you SMEEEELLLLL, What the Rock is Cooking! February 7 [Cactus Jack faces Triple H and proposes a Hell in the Cell at No Way Out] Triple H: Hell in the Cell? All right - Hell in the Cell, you got a deal - but one stipulation. Cactus Jack: You name it. Triple H: I will go through Hell in the Cell with you - BUT I WANT YOUR CAREER ON THE LINE. If I beat you at Hell in the Cell, you are finished. You retire. Your career is over, and that means YOU, Mick Foley, which includes Dude Love, which includes Mankind, which includes Cactus Jack - you are finished - you are done - it is OVER. Cactus Jack: So you want my career - you want my career! Well, let's talk about my career for just a minute. You know what I have done, Triple H, in my career? I have done it all! Three-time WWF Champion - eight times WWF tag team champion! The original Hardcore Champion! And the King of the Japanese Death Match! So I tell you once again Triple H - you want my career? I have done it all except for one thing - in 15 years that I have dedicated my life to this sport there is only one thing that keeps me awake at night and that is - I have never main-evented a WrestleMania in my life. So you want my career? I'm going to add one more stipulation... if I win - when I win - at Hell in the Cell - you put your title on the line, because if I can't beat you, I don't deserve - no no no, if I can't beat you, I do not WANT to ever wrestling again! But when I do, you look at me and make damn sure you understand - there will be no ridiculous stipulations - no title defenses - that's it! I win! I go to WrestleMania - and you sit home - I WIN - I take on the winner of the Big Show and the Rock... in the greatest show in our industry. You accept my stipulation, then you're damn right, I will put my entire 15-year career on the line. Triple H: Cactus Jack, at No Way Out - Hell in the Cell - you will face The Game. And if you win, you will go to WrestleMania the World Wrestling Federation champion - the main event. But if I win, I will end your 15-year career. I will end your career, and it will be over. Cactus Jack, you have... 20, about 20 days - left in your glorious 15-year career - because at Hell in the Cell, I will finish what I've started. At Hell in the Cell, Cactus Jack, I will end it - for you. But Cactus - I take what I want, when I want it - and right now, I want a piece o' your ass. [Triple H come to the ring and addresses the Radicalz] Now, the four of you have got two choices - you can either get your asses out of this ring and save yourselves a beatin', or you can show your appreciation to the man that gave you the opportunity... to the man that gave you your contracts. [the Radicalz assault Cactus Jack. X-Pac does a Bronco Buster and Perry Saturn and Dean Malenko suplex Cactus as a setup for Chris Benoit's diving headbutt] Cactus - that is the beginning of the end. Twenty days, count them, relish them - because in 20 days - it is The End! [pedigrees Cactus] March 6 Michael Cole: Rock, based on your actions of earlier tonight, Shane and Stephanie have placed you inside a steel cage against Chris Benoit. [crowd chants Rocky!] The Rock: Finally, The Rock has come back to Springfield! Shane and Stephanie, you think The Rock was just gonna sit here in the back and not reacquaint The Big Show and Triple H with their old friend, the Rock Bottom? You think The Rock was gonna do that, and did you think for one single solitary second that you solved all your problems by placing The Rock inside of a steel cage against Chris Benoit? Well The Rock says this, tonight, make no mistake about it. The Rock likes the steel cage. The Rock loves the steel cage. And The Rock says this. The Rock says this. The Rock has no hidden agenda. The Rock's agenda is open for the world to see. The Rock hides nothing, unlike you, Shane, Stephanie, Big Show, all of ya! The Rock realizes you probably got a hidden agenda for tonight's match. The Rock realizes that. But make no mistake about it, The Rock has nothing to hide. The only thing that The Rock is gonna hide tonight is The Rock's boot turned sideways, straight up Chris Benoit's candyass! If ya smell...what The Rock is cookin'! Jim Ross: Man that's gonna be a war right here live tonight inside the steel cage, The Rock and Chris Benoit. April 17 Chris Jericho: [to Triple H] So you're telling me, Triple H, that I have to give up the World Wrestling Federation title because that match never took place? You're telling me that I have to give up the World Wrestling Federation title because these Jericho-holics never saw me beat you in the middle of that ring for this championship? Well, I guess we can all believe that. So I guess it's also not true that your wife Stephanie has not slept with half the boys in that locker room. [Stephanie coldly glares at him] I guess that we can't believe that either. [Earl Hebner has reversed Chris Jericho's pinfall win over Triple H and gave him back the WWF Championship per an agreement on Triple H never laying a hand on him while he's still a referee] Triple H: I'm a man of my word, Earl. I will not lay a hand on you as long as you're a World Wrestling Federation referee. Oh and by the way: YOUR ASS IS FIRED! [does the Pedigree on Earl] [the McMahon-Helmsley Regime goes to the ring after Linda McMahon announces Stone Cold Steve Austin coming to Backlash] Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley: Unfair, mom? You wanna know what's unfair is you hopping on a little plane... [angry at Slut! chants] hopping on a little plane, thinkging you can come down to this ring, to the World Wrestling Federatiton and start making decisions on things you know nothing about! Linda McMahon: Oh yes I do, yes I can! Stephanie: In case you haven't forgotten the last we were in the ring together, mother, the McMahon-Helmsley Regime has no problem "slapping" people around, and hopefully you've noticed that the McMahon-Helmsley Regime is all about opportunity - so I'm gonna give you the opportunity to change your mind. Think about it, mother. What's your decision? Linda: [long pause] NO!!! Stephanie: No. You won't change your mind. You're gonna have Stone Cold Steve Austin in the Rock's corner. Well then, I'm not gonna change my mind about what I have to do, but Mom, just remember, like you told me when I was a little girl, this is gonna hurt me a lot worse than it hurts you. [tries to slap Linda, but gets knocked down when Linda blocks it and slaps her instead] Linda: [shocked at what she just did, tries to crouch down and help Stephanie] Oh my God, I'm so sorry. Stephanie: [dismisses her] Get away from me!! June 12 [WWF CEO Linda McMahon has set up a six-man King of the Ring tagteam match between Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon, and Triple H against the Rock, Undertaker, and Kane. Vince fumes at the booking] Vince McMahon: We accept, we accept! You think you're gonna embarrass me?!? Huh?!?! You think you can come out here and put me in a position where you're gonna embarrass me in front of all these people, that's not gonna happen! I don't give a damn what match you make at the King of the Ring, I don't care what match you make tonight, tomorrow night, or any other night! Linda McMahon: Well, if that's the case, Vince, how about tonight? [let's sink in] If that's the case yeah, Triple H, you'll defend the World Wrestling Federation Championship... [as HHH seethes] against an opponent of my choosing. Vince: [brushes off HHH's protests] That's it? You got it! Triple HHH defends his WWF title tonight, and okay he doesn't know who his opponent is. Even so, he'll do it even it's not fair and [points at her] you know damn well it's not! Linda: Not fair? Well, if you don't think that's fair, you're probably not gonna like this either. Because there's another championship that needs to be defended tonight- and that championship is yours, Stephanie. [Stephanie reacts] Come on, Steph, you will defend the World Wrestling Federation Women's Championship against Lita [Steph mouths off NO!] - and pay very close attention to this, this is the stipulation: If any member of the Faction interferes in the match at all, you will be disqualified and Lita will be awarded the Championship. Vince: [ponders the logic in the announcement] All right you got that too, I'm happy. Now you've made your announcements, Little Ms CEO, you can go back to playing CEO somewhere else, maybe where you started your day this morning in Wilmington, Delaware. [tries to walk off with Shane, Stephanie, and HHH] Linda: Whoawhoawhoawhoa, Vince. [they look back at him] I don't play the CEO, I am the CEO. and as the CEO, I'll make this one final announcement tonight. Tonight, Shane McMahon will see action and also tonight, Vince McMahon will see action. And both Shane McMahon and Vince McMahon will team up in tag-team action against... the Dudley Boyz! [Father and son are dumbfounded] But it's not just any tag-team match. It's a Tables Match! [Shane walks off in disgust while Steph comforts a grimacing Vince] October 2 [The Rock slams Kane and Chris Benoit as they and Kurt Angle leave him, Rikishi, Mick Foley, Triple H and Stephanie] The Rock: Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoa. The Rock is not done. You see, Mick Foley, the Rock is in a very giving mood as well. Now Kane, since you just wanna find things... Benoit, all you wanna do is prove things. Well, the Rock is gonna make both of you very happy men tonight. You see, before you and Kane face the Rock and Rikishi, the Rock wants you to do this - the Rock wants you to go find a very quiet place tonight. You two together, nobody else, you two by yourselves, go find a nice quiet place where you can be alone. And all your dreams can come true. All your dreams can come true - your dream, Kane, of finding things - your dream, Benoit, of proving things will come true, and this is how you do it: Benoit, when you're by yourself with Kane, pull your pants down [Benoit is blocked by the referees from coming down to the ring] go ahead Benoit, pull your pants down, and prove to Kane that you're not a woman!... and Kane, since you just wanna find things, you go ahead and find the penis Benoit claims he has! [Kane tries to go after the Rock, but the referees hold the line against him and Benoit] [Triple H just asked Stephanie to steer clear of his WWF Championship No 1 contender match against Kurt Angle, but as Stephanie walks away, she surprisingly runs into Chris Benoit] Chris Benoit: How's your head? [Stephanie gives him a hard slap] Jerry Lawler: Whoa! [Benoit turns his head right but he snaps back like not feeling the pain] Jim Ross: Good God! [sees Benoit laughing as Steph walks away] and Benoit's smiling... oh my God! October 9 [Mick Foley is with the Rock and Rikishi in the ring] Mick Foley: I've come out here in the past, I made wild accusations, but that’s not going to happen tonight. I promised to deliver the person, who ran over Stone Cold Steve Austin, and I will! Fortunately, my announcement will conclude what has undoubtedly been the worst week of my professional career. Unfortunately, all of the evidence points to you, Rock. It was your rental car that ran down Stone Cold, only your fingerprints, only your DNA were found inside the car. Hell, a pair of The Rock's sunglasses were found inside the glove box. And as Linda McMahon herself stated, no one else had as much to gain by Stone Cold's departure, did they, Rock? No, with Stone Cold out of the way, who sold the T-shirts, who picked up the media appearences, whose book went to number one, who showed up on television, who got movie roles? You have not fooled me, Rock, and therefore right here in Anaheim, California, in the case of who ran over Stone Cold Steve Austin at Survivor Series, Mick Foley finds The Rock... not guilty! But if you didn't do it, who did? Now I'm gonna tell you, who did. [points to Rikishi] He did. I hadn't quite figured it out until Scotty 2 Hotty said something about 'hang out backstage with Rikishi', hell, Rikishi, you weren't even part of Survivor Series, you hadn't even debuted on television! Who else is close enough with The Rock to go inside his dressing room? [Rikishi shakes head in denial] Who else is close enough with The Rock to reach inside his bag and get his keys? The mirrors and the seat were configured to fit not just a large man, but a very large man. That very large man is YOU! The only thing, I don't know, is why! Rikishi: Okay. I did it. In case, you didn't hear, I admit. I did it. I ran over Austin. And you ask, why? I didn't do it for me. No, I didn't do it for me. I did it for... The Rock! [The Rock is surprised] You see, Rock, I took your keys out of your bag that night, when I went to go check into the hotel. And when I jumped into the car, I saw Stone Cold Steve Austin standing in the middle of the parking lot all alone. And suddenly, everything flashed right through my eyes. You see, the WWF has always been all about the "Great White Hope"... and I'm talking about such people as Buddy Rogers, people like Bruno Sammartino, people like Bob Backlund, people like Hulk Hogan, and now, people like Stone Cold Steve Austin. You see, the WWF has always let the island boys in, but we were always held back! Now listen to me, Rock, and I really want you to listen to me! And I'm talking about people like your grandfather, a well-respected man, High Chief Peter Maivia, [Rock is visibly shaken at the mention] could have became a WWF Champion, but no, they held him back! People like Jimmy ‘Superfly’ Snuka, could have been a WWF Champion, but no, they held him back! And people like Afa and Sika, Samu, and the Tonga Kid, they were all held back. So you see, Rock, I ran Stone Cold over, and I did this for you. I don't expect any favor from you, Rock. No, I don't expect no favors and no payback. Before, I want you people to know all around the world, and set the record straight, that The Rock did not have a damn thing to do with this. I take full responsibility! And you know what, Rock, just you being who you are today is good enough for me and our people. And before I go, one more time, I ran over Stone Cold Steve Austin! And to tell the truth, I'd do it again! October 23 Kurt Angle: People, I ask you, what do you consider to be a successful year? For most people, a successful year would be maybe earning a little extra money, or getting a promotion, or maybe spending a little extra time with your families and loved ones. With all respect, that's a bunch of garbage. It's true, it's true. I know that people have obstacles to overcome in their lives. For most people, it's overcoming poverty; for some people, it's overcoming impossible odds, like having accomplished something in your life, being born in a city like Hartford, Connecticut. [Shakes Stephanie's hand] Good job, Steph. Good job. For me, it was accomplishing more in one year than most people will ever accomplish in their whole entire lives. Let me take you on a little trip. A pictorial journey, if you will. See, four years ago, I captured the Olympic Gold Medal in the 1996 Olympic Games in Atlanta, Georgia. For most people, after capturing the Olympic Gold Medal, they would call it a career. It's over, done. Thankfully, I'm not most people, and that is true. Four years later, I decided to give it a shot and enter the World Wrestling Federation. "The most celebrated athlete in the World Wrestling Federation," the headlines screamed, and boy, were they on the money! Crowd: [chanting] ASSHOLE! Kurt Angle: [to the crowd] Would you keep it down for a second please? A mere two months in the WWF, and I captured my first gold by winning the European Championship. And incredibly, here's the footage, incredibly, tourism grew in Europe 38% from me! Then, only two months later, two months later, I captured the Intercontinental Championship, in this very city, mind you! And I became the first ever EuroContinental Champion in WWF history. Well, besides D'Lo Brown, but he doesn't count, we know that. Then four months later, four months later, I not only captured gold, but royalty as well when I was crowned the 2000 King of the Ring. What a memory. Look at that, Steph. Look at that crown and that scepter. And unbelievably, sales of crowns and scepters grew 49%! I couldn't believe it either. And then last night, the greatest accomplishment of all, with help from my good friend and business partner, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley, I topped the most amazing eleven months in WWF history and became the World Wrestling Federation Champion. We will remember that for a lifetime. That, people, is a successful year. That is what separates great men from supermen. With that in mind, I wrote a little poem in celebration of my victory. The poem is called "What Makes a Man Super-Great", and I'd like to read it to you tonight. Greatness comes in many shapes Beyond red, white and blue. It's the addition of the color gold. Yes, indeed, it's true. November 6 [Triple H has seemingly saved Stone Cold Steve Austin, replacing The Rock as his tag team partner against Kurt Angle and Rikishi] Jim Ross: Stone Cold's got Rikishi. [Austin knocks Rikishi onto the apron] And Rikishi knocked to the apron with a right hand. Jerry Lawler: Run, Kurt, run! Ross: Triple H standing there and -- [Triple H suddenly hits Austin with a sledgehammer] MY GOD! OH MY GOD TRIPLE H JUST HIT AUSTIN IN THE FACE WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER! Lawler: WHAT?! WHAT IS THIS?! Ross: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?! Lawler: I'm in shock and I don't know it -- what are you doing?! Ross: The Game didn't come out here to help Austin! Triple H is putting on a black, Lawler: Wait a minute. Ross: A black glove, what is that? Lawler: What does that mean? [Triple H sucker punches Austin] Ross: In the head with a sledgehammer! [Triple H starts repeatedly punching Austin] And now The Game assaulting the Texas Rattlesnake! Lawler: Look out! Look at this! Get help! Someone get out here! Ross: My God in heaven! Why is this happening?! Triple H is beating the holy hell out of Stone Cold Steve Austin! Lawler: I can't believe what I'm seeing! Ross: Austin almost beheaded by that sledgehammer! And why in the hell is, Lawler: Look out! [Triple H hits the referee] Ross: Damn, Triple H just took out the referee! Lawler: What is he doing? What is this about? What is this for?! Ross: What the hell is the meaning of this?! Austin is, Austin is helpless! Austin got hit in the head with a sledgehammer! Why is The Game attempting to dis -- [Rikishi gets on the second rope] No! Don't do it! [Rikishi delivers a Banzai Drop on Austin] Oh! Right into Austin's heart! I swear to God that'll stop your heart! Right here in Texas, Austin has been destroyed by The Game, but why? Someone tell me why, damn it?! [Triple H hits Austin with a microphone] Lawler: Oh! Ross: What the hell is this?! Triple H: Austin, your search is over. It's all, it's all over. Now you know, you dumb son of a bitch. Lawler: Oh my God! Ross: What the hell did he mean by that?! Lawler: It was Triple H! It was Triple H! Ross: In Austin, in Stone Cold's home state of Texas, in the home of WrestleMania, Stone Cold has been destroyed, has been left battered and bloodied and hammered at the hands of The Game and a sledgehammer! Lawler: Is Triple H the accomplice?! Ross: Why Triple H? You son of a bitch! WHY?! TELL ME WHY?! December 4 The Rock: Finally, The Rock has come back to New Jersey! Just as sure as for the very first time, Kevin Kelly, The Rock stood here right in this arena and called [points at] you an ugly hermaphrodite is just as sure as this Sunday night, at Armageddon, The Rock will be at Hell in a Cell. This is gonna the most brutal match The Rock has ever been in. The dangerousest match The Rock has ever been in. The Hell in a Cell. And it doesn't matter, Kevin Kelly, what you call it. Whether it's called a Hell in a Cell, or Rage in a Cage, Painus in Uranus, the only thing that matters is that The Rock is going in this Sunday night, to do exactly what he does best - layeth the smacketh down and get back The Rock's WWF title. And the fact of the matter is this, is that The Rock knows this Sunday night, he has his work cut out for him. The Rock knows, he's got five other guys he's got to compete with. And even if The Rock has got to beat Kurt Angle, which means, [mocks Angle] "I'm gonna drink a big glass of milk, eat some chocolate-chip cookies and then maybe I'll take three Viagra." Or maybe The Rock has got to face Rikishi, beat Rikishi. [mimics Rikishi's admission] "I did it for The Rock. I did it for the people. I did it for..." oh, shut your mouth, you thong-wearin' fatty! Or maybe The Rock has got to beat The Undertaker, the American Badass, beat him so bad, that one more he'll raise up... [does rising from the dead] "Rest in peace!" Or maybe The Rock has got to beat Triple H himself, which [copies HHH drawl] means-uh, he's got to beat The Game-uh, in the middle of the ring-uh. And he has a two-dollar slut for a wife-uh! [normal voice] Or maybe The Rock, has gotta beat... [wears SCSA woodland camo cap and makes Texan drawl] Stone Cold Steve Austin. Which means I gotta get in my, I gotta get my pick-up truck, drink some Steve-weisers, listen to some Backstreet Boys. And that's the bottom line, 'cause the Great One said so! [normal] One more thing, this Sunday night at Armageddon, The Rock is gonna do all he can to win the WWF title. If ya smell... what The Rock is cooking!! [Vince McMahon wanted to deliver the State of the WWF Address, but gets sprawled on the ring thanks to Austin, The Rock, and the Undertaker]Mick Foley: [crouches down at Vince] Vince... jeez, not a good day isn't it? I mean, you've been Stone Cold Stunnered, you've been Rock Bottomed, hell you even went for the Last Ride! So I guess, there's really only one thing left to do. [pulls out Mr Socko and goes around the ring before going down on one knee. mouths off Mr Socko in tinny voice] Kiss my fat ass, Vince [normal voice] and have a nice day! December 18 [Stephanie steps in to stop Kurt Angle, Edge and Christian, and Vince McMahon from beating down Commissioner Mick Foley]Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley: Stop! Stop it! Stop beating up on Mick Foley. Mick I hope you're alright because I got something that could change your life forever. I hold in my hand documents from the Board of Directors that could very well change the face of the WWF forever. These papers clearnly state that since my mother, Linda McMahon, the CEO of the World Wrestling Federation, has been deemed mentally incompetent that the Board of Directors has no other alternative than to grant full power and authority of the CEO's office... [looks at Foley] to [changes voice] my dad! [Vince's face regains color as Stephanie give her the papers] Congratulations, daddy! It's official! Vince McMahon: That's my baby girl, huh! Sorry, Linda, if you're in the hospital watching, business is business and since I now have complete and total full authority over the World Wrestling Federation, that means Mr McMahon is back! So therefore, with the power that is invested in me, Vincent K McMahon, it is my duty to inform Mick Foley that his services are no longer required. [motions to Foley as he slumps in the corner] In other words, Mick Foley, you bleeding huck of adipose tissue, YOU'RE FIRED!! [A distraught Foley stands up but Kurt Angle fires a chairshot at him. Vince shakes hands with Kurt Angle, Edge and Christian, and leaves with Stephanie, but remembers something at the stage]Vince: Oh, oh, and uh, just one other thing. Mick, Mick Foley... Merry Christmas! 2001 February 19Kevin Kelly: Kurt, we saw what you did to The Rock on SmackDown! and we know your history together. Talk about where this hatred of The Rock comes from.Kurt Angle: Kevin, I'm gonna tell you something I've never told a living soul before. When it comes to The Rock, I am jealous. It's true, I am. And why shouldn't I be? Do you have any idea what it's like to train for the Olympics? To put in years of your life for the privilege of honoring your country, representing the people, and then to defy the odds and actually bring home the gold, and then come here to the WWF, to a chorus of boos? While a guy like The Rock, a guy who couldn't and wouldn't represent his country, even if he wanted to, get standing ovations in every city across this country? It hurts. It hurts me right here. I am everything that The Rock is not. I'm kind, courteous, considerate, and yet he's the hero? Why is that, Kevin?Kelly: Kurt, the reality is for whatever the reason, The Rock is the people's champion.Angle: Kevin, let me ask you a question. You're a person, right? How's the people's champion treating you? Has your son asked you what a hermaphrodite is, huh?Jerry Lawler: Oh!Angle: Did your wife think it was especially sexy when The Rock made you conduct an interview with your finger up your nose? Let me ask you, Kevin, a man of the people, who will you be rooting for when I face The Rock this Sunday at No Way Out? That's all right, Kevin, you don't have to answer. Your face says it all. You know, it's funny. You talk about lack of respect. Everyone thinks that WrestleMania is set in stone. The fans, The Rock, even this company. After The Rock beats me, it'll be Stone Cold versus The Rock at WrestleMania. The biggest WrestleMania of all time. Well I've made a lifetime of proving people wrong. And I plan to do it again. One more time. I will beat The Rock this Sunday at No Way Out. I will prove without a shadow of a doubt that I am more athletic, more talented, and more deserving of the people's admiration. And after I defeat The Rock 1-2-3 in Las Vegas, I will finally win the people over. It's gonna be beautiful. The people will stand. They'll give me a standing ovation. And my dream of finally earning their respect will happen. They'll have no choice. You know, throughout my life, my dreams have a habit of becoming a reality. And Rock, the reality is, my days of being on top aren't numbered. Yours are. And that, Kevin, that, America, is true. March 5 Jim Ross: Hello again, everybody, and welcome to the World Wrestling Federation. We're live here in D.C., I'm Jim Ross, and...Paul Heyman: They already know who you are, so tell them who I am now.Jim Ross: I'm joined by Paul Heyman.Paul Heyman: You're joined by Paul Heyman, because last Tuesday night, The Kat was released by the WWF, and her husband Jerry "The King" Lawler, to his credit, walked out right alongside with her. But where there's chaos, J.R., there is opportunity. And tonight, just like TNN threw off ECW for the WWF, the King is gone, and in his chair is Paul E., and the E is for EXTREME! How's that? Not bad, huh?Jim Ross: I don't know what I did to deserve this... March 26 [cold opening]Vince McMahon: [points to monitors] Well now here's the WWF, and here's WCW, there's Jeff Jarrett, and here we have the owner of the World Wrestling Federation - and now the owner of WCW. That's right, I, Vince McMahon, I have purchased - I own, my own competition and tonight, I have the ability to address WWF fans as to what this means. I have the ability to address WCW stars as to what this means to them, and yes, I have the ability to address WCW fans to what this actually means to them as well. Tonight, at the right time, there will be a special simulcast, and let me say for sure, [puts up index finger] one man will make history, [thumbs up at himself] and that's me. Vince McMahon. Now, as far as the Jeff Jarretts of the world are concerned, you know how Jeff spells his name "that's J-E-double-F"? Well, you know what hmm I would suspect that we'd spell it a different way after tonight, that would be "capital G, double-O, double-N, double-E... GONE"! Paul Heyman: [as Vince McMahon comes down for the special simulcast with Nitro] They say that Alexander the Great sat down on a rock and cried, for he had no worlds left to conquer. Tonight, the Monday Night Wars are over, and the victor, the victor of the Monday Night Wars is clear, it's [refers to Vince as he just instructed Lillian Garcia to repeat her introduction of him] that man. [Vince McMahon gloats over him buying WCW... but Shane appears, revealing that he's over at the WCW Nitro finale]Shane McMahon: What's up Vince? Surprise Dad, you're in Cleveland, Ohio, and I'm here in Panama City Beach, Florida, standing in a WCW ring and as usual Dad, your ego has gotten the best of you. Your ego has gotten the best of you. I mean, Dad, you wanted to have the audacity to finalize this deal - WCW - at WrestleMania? You wanted to have the audacity to ask Ted Turner himself to come down and finalize that deal? Well, Dad, that's just the opportunity that I was looking for, because Dad, the deal is finalized with WCW and the name on the contract does say "McMahon." [WCW fans pop and Vince gulps] However, the contract reads, "Shane McMahon." [Vince is openmouthed]Jim Ross: [on commentary] Oh my God! I don't believe it!Shane: That's right, Dad, I now own WCW! And Dad, just like WCW did in the past--how it kicked your ass in the past and it will again. That's exactly what's gonna happen to you this Sunday, at WrestleMania!Jim: I can't believe what we have just heard! Shane McMahon has bought WCW! And Mr. McMahon is in absolute shock! [Vince McMahon calls his lawyers and makes his rage known over how Shane swept in for the WCW sale]Vince McMahon: Do you attorneys just SHUT UP?!?! You listen to me, dammit! Look I don't care what I said, I don't give a damn what - how could you let that happen? How could you just [smashes glass] how could you possibly let that happen?!?! HUH?? You son of a bitch! You good for nothing! You ruined this whole damned thing! April 2 Vince McMahon: In a moment, the official presentation of the WWF Championship belt. You know, but I couldn't help but earlier own detect, well, for the first time ever, I couldn't detect a few, couldn't help but detect a few boos when Stone Cold Steve Austin's name was mentioned and quite frankly... quite frankly, I don't appreciate it, but sometimes it doesn't - doesn't matter what I really appreciate. I am perplexed, though, because at WrestleMania, when Austin won the title -with a little help perhaps from Vince McMahon- you all cheered, so I don't understand, I don't understand why you wouldn't continue to cheer and support Stone Cold Steve Austin after all he's done for you through the years. I... I don't understand this, I mean after all, Austin didn't do anything that any of you don't do on a daily basis. Let's face it - I mean, with the exception of yours truly, every single person in this building has a boss - every single one of you. And by the way, you suck up to your bosses every single day. Yes you do - don't tell me you don't - you kiss your bosses' ass if it's necessary - yes you do! So don't blame Stone Cold Steve Austin for doing what each and every one of you do every day, for doing what he had to do to become WWF Champion. So without further ado, allow me to introduce you to Texas' own NEW World Wrestling Federation champion, STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN! [Stone Cold's music plays and he comes to the ring. He climbs to the corner and raises his hands.]Vince McMahon: Stone Cold, it gives me a great personal and professional pride to present to you, the only man in the World Wrestling Federation deserving to be the World Wrestling Federation champion. Stone Cold, you have won this right. [Stone Cold pulls the title harshly from McMahon and poses with it on the corner.]Stone Cold Steve Austin: Now that I got what I wanted from WrestleMania, and now that I got Vince McMahon in this ring by myself, if you want me to whip this sumbitch's ass, gimme a hell yeah. Crowd: HELL YEAH!Stone Cold Steve Austin: I don't think he hears you, gimme a hell yeah! Crowd: [louder] HELL YEAH!Stone Cold Steve Austin: Well, it ain't gonna happen tonight. Like I'm supposed to grant your every single little wish? I'm supposed to let you people feed off of me, sponge off of me like a bunch of parasites, am I supposed to continue to do that? And you know what, I look out here... and you people are just the same as the people in the airport, and the little people at homes, watching their little color TV's thinking 'WHY STONE COLD WHY?' You know, when I sit there and I said hey, how about a big explanation, and a real slow one for the people here in Texas about why I did what I did. But the way - shut up you little bastard - I'll let everybody out here know I could whip everybody in that stand's ass. Anyway, getting back to the explanation - the way... [crowd chanting "Rocky!"] oh, I'll get to the Rock in just a second. The way I got it figured, I don't owe you no explanation. Basically, I got it figured I don't owe you people a damn thing. And since you wanna chant "ROCKY ROCKY ROCKY" I got something to say about that too. Rock, you come out here like some kinda bigshot tough guy and put Vince McMahon - you little mealy-mouth bastard, you put Mr. McMahon in a sharpshooter in this very ring - eh eh! That's something you just don't do! So tonight, Rock, when they drop that steel cage, don't figure on S... don't figure on Stone Cold being the champion for 24 hours. You can walk your little carcass out here, raise your eyebrow as many times as you want. Stone Cold Steve Austin is gonna bounce your little candy ass around that cage, lay the smack down on you right in this very ring, and basically that's all I got to say about that. Vince McMahon: And that's the bottom line, 'cause Mr. McMahon said so! June 18 Diamond Dallas Page: Undertaker! Like the Diamond Cutter, you never saw it comin'! Now those of you who know me are asking yourself the question why? Why did I, why did Diamond Dallas Page go after the Undertaker like this? Well I'll tell ya. I'll tell ya exactly why. Because if you wanna make an impact in this business, you go after the biggest, the meanest, the baddest dog in the yard. And once you find that dog, if you wanna get the very best of him, you make it personal - real personal. And then, hey, you find that dog's weakness. Well Taker, you are obviously that dog. And you've been telling people for years that this ring, right here, is your yard. We'll see. But, up to a few weeks ago, Taker, you have never shown weakness. I mean, NEVER shown weakness. That is, up until a few weeks ago when you told Stone Cold Steve Austin that if he ever, ever messed with your family, you'd make him famous. Duh! Taker, you idiot, Stone Cold Steve Austin's already famous! But it did get me to thinkin'. Good God. When you said what you said about your family, Dead Man, you didn't sound so dead - as a matter of fact, you sounded very alive. And for you, son, that's a sign of weakness. Taker, think about it. Remember when you used to say, "I've slept through things that make most people's hair turn gray." Remember that? Okay, you didn't say it exactly LIKE that, but you remember that. You also said you weren't afraid of anything. FOUL! I'm gonna call you on that right now. Taker, I'm callin' you a liar! Oh yeah! Oh yeah I am. 'Cause take a look at him now - he's runnin' around his house, lockin' all the windows, lockin' the doors. I can just see him now, calling Vince McMahon this morning. "Mr. McMahon, I can't possibly come in and compete tonight - I can't leave my wife Sara - there's a madman - there's a stalker trying to get to my wife Sara!" You're scared to death! How's it feel, son? I tell you what, there is a positive side to this. Diamond Dallas Page has made your wife Sara famous. And speaking of famous, nobody, and I mean NOBODY, deserves to be more famous than the King of Ba-da-bing, the Master of the Diamond Cutter. NOBODY deserves to be more famous that ME: DDP! Because my whole life, I've wanted to be since I was eight years old, my whole life people have been tellin' me, until you've been to the shizzow, until you've been to the show, until you've been to the very top of our business, you're never really famous. So Taker, trust me, I'm using you to get the top of this business, and you can take it to the bank, whether I gotta buy a ticket or not, I will see you at King of the Ring. You gotta problem with me? Cool. Taker, I'm beggin' ya - make me FAMOUS! June 25 Edge: Billy (Gunn), since you're not really doing anything lately, I was wondering if you could do me a favor. If, in two years' time at the King of the Ring, I'm not defending a title or even in a match, and my very special assignment is to go to WWF New York and eat a meatball sandwich, then please just shoot me in the head.Al Snow: [walking backstage] Did you see Tough Enough last Thursday?Hardcore Holly: As a matter of fact, I did, and Al, you did a great job, even though I should've been there to help.Al Snow: I couldn't agree more...hey, what...what's going on here? [They walk up to find several wrestlers around the APA table.]Faarooq: Hey, guys, guys, listen up. WCW, now here's a company that, when you came knocking, that wouldn't answer their door for you; here's a company that wouldn't return your phone calls; here's a company that said you wasn't [sic] talented enough to work for them. Then all of the sudden, when the wells run dry and they have to pay for those million and a half dollar homes and those brand new BMWs, those brand new Mercedes, they come running their asses here for us to save 'em. Well, guess what. This is the WWF. We all helped build this house. Now all of the sudden, they want a piece of the pie? I say hell no.Bradshaw: WCW wants to walk into our house, a house we built, a house you all built? You guys are on the World Wrestling Federation roster; it took some of you years to get here. But you're here now, and that means you're the best in the world at what you do. And now, these guys from WCW, because they couldn't make it on their own, want to come ridin' piggyback off of us 'cause we're the only show in town? Well, let's make this perfectly clear. Diamond Dallas Page, Booker T, Mike Awesome, everybody from WCW, you can go straight to Hell. We'll meet your ass there, we'll kick it there too! Whatever you thought about us in the past, whatever you think about us now doesn't really matter. We've stood alone before. What I'm asking you is this. We're asking you to show why you're on this roster, we're asking you to stand up for what you have built. There's going to be a fight. I know there's gonna be a fight because we're gonna start it! There's gonna be some beer gettin' drunk, there's gonna be some asses gettin' kicked, but most of all, it's time we got medieval on somebody's ass! July 9 [During the Kane/Chris Jericho vs. Lance Storm/Mike Awesome.]Jim Ross: Jericho's got the Walls! [Rob Van Dam and Tommy Dreamer enter from the crowd and attack Kane and Jericho, with Storm and Awesome joining in] Hey, wait a minute. What the hell? Hey, that's Rob Van Dam and Tommy Dreamer! They're former ECW guys!Paul Heyman: Yes, they are!Jim Ross: What the hell are they doing here? There's security; get these guys outta here! What the... what is this?! The 4-on-2, this... there's two WCW guys... Paul, what the hell is this about?Paul: You tell me. It's Rob Van Dam! RVD!Jim Ross: Well, business is picking up here! Here comes the WWF backup! [Tazz, Raven, Rhyno, Justin Credible, and the Dudley Boyz enter the ringing facing off against RVD, Dreamer, Storm, and Awesome] And now business will change! The WWF guys are here!Paul: [pause] Yes, they are.Jim Ross: The ring is full of WWF spirit!Paul: [as the six turn around towards Kane and Jericho] WOO! Feel it, JR! Feel this moment for the rest of your life! Feel it. [All ten attack Kane and Jericho]Jim Ross: Wait, what is this? What the hell is this?! My God, I don't believe this! It's 10 or 12-on-2! Why are the Dudleys, why are Tazz [sic] beating up their own teammates of the WWF?! And what are Tommy Dreamer and Rob Van Dam even doing here?! What the hell is this about?! What is this about?! Kane and Jericho are being decimated!Paul: Spicolli Driver by Tommy Dreamer!Jim Ross: Paul, what in the hell is this about?! Kane... oh, come on! Kane being held by... what are these? [Dreamer holds a chair in front of Kane's head, RVD delivers a spinning heel kick, better known as...]Paul: Oh, my God, it's the Van Daminator!Jim Ross: "Van Damin..."? Damn it, Paul, what the hell is this about?!Paul: You want to know what this is about?!Jim Ross: Yeah, I wanna know!Paul: I guess you want answers!Jim Ross: I damn sure want answers!Paul: You want answers?! Well, I say you finally deserve, JR, a damn answer!Paul: Well, I guess now it's time, JR, that you want the truth! So, JR, tonight, I'm gonna give you the whole damn truth! I have been sitting, I have been sitting like a damn corporate sellout next to that damn pig! And I have been talking, I have been talking about WWF vs. WCW. I have been spilling my guts about this invasion. And it seems to me like everybody has forgotten the Tribe of Extreme. It seems to me like these men were too extreme for WWF vs. WCW. It seems to me that [pointing to Mike Awesome and Lance Storm] this man and this man have left Shane McMahon's WCW. It looks to me that these six men have left Vince McMahon's WWF. It looks to me like they all have joined [joined by the crowd] E... C... W! So Vince or Shane, anytime you guys want revenge, we'll take on the WWF, we'll take on WCW! We're not hard to find because this Invasion just got taken to the Extreme! [Vince McMahon is shocked at the WCW and ECW groups seemingly together and mauling the WWF group]Shane McMahon: Hey Dad, you want to know what is going on? Can't you see what is happening? I said I could never ever compete with your checkbook, but I can outsmart you and that's exactly what I've done tonight. That's exactly what we did tonight. You see Dad back in the locker room you told me that I will be personally responsible for everything that happens out here tonight. And you know what Dad, you're right. I'm personally responsible for all of this. I'm personally responsible for WCW. I am personally responsible for ECW being here tonight.Paul Heyman: How do you like that Vince? HUH!? How do you like it now!?!?Shane: And I am personally responsible for the MERGER of WCW and ECW coming together tonight! So, Dad, at Invasion, this new entity, WCW and ECW is gonna kick the WWF's ass! Oh yeah, I got one more thing for you, one more. And I am also personally responsible and privileged to introduce you to the new owner of ECW. I believe you know this person quite well. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up...for Vince's daughter Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley! [Vince reacts as Triple H's intro music "My Time" plays and slowly turns around to see Stephanie passing him]Jim Ross: The new owner of WCW. Oh my God, Shane owns WCW and the princess, Vince's little baby girl, now owns ECW. For the love of God, the sins of the father are costing us all in the WWF! I do not believe this! July 9, 2001 - a date that will live in sports entertainment infamy! July 16 [The Alliance leaders are happy with Steve Austin walking out on Vince at the previous SmackDown! show]Stephanie McMahon: I'm so excited for Booker T to rip off Chris Jericho's head tonight and again this Sunday, at Invasion!Paul Heyman: I love her enthusiasm [to Shane McMahon] Shane, think about it. This Sunday at Invasion Inaugural Brawl, it's our five best against their five best and their very best, Stone Cold Steve Austin, ain't at his best anymore now, is he?Shane McMahon: Now let's get down to out five best that we're in agreement. [counts on fingers] Booker T.Heyman: Right.Shane: DDP...Heyman: Right.Shane: The Dudley Boyz, and Rhyno...Heyman: GORE! GORE! GORE! [Stephanie is surprised] Shane: ...will represent us this Sunday. Stephanie: WCW and ECW.Shane: This Sunday, sports entertainment as we know it, the course of it, will be changed forever. [Vince, the Undertaker, and the APA meet the entire WWF locker room]Vince McMahon: All right guys, listen up here for a minute, please.Faarooq: Hey, hey. I'm sure y'all saw what happened here tonight. Look, they still don't damn get it. But you know what, tonight we're gonna show their asses that we mean business. [wrestlers murmur in assent]Bradshaw: These second-rate sons of bitches wanna ride piggyback offa us, 'cause they can't make it on their own? Then tell 'em to bring their little invasion on, because starting tonight, we ain't takin' this shit no more. It's TIME we got knee-deep in somebody's ass! [wrestlers get agitated]McMahon: Guys, let me just say this, that - make no mistake about what's going down here tonight - make no mistake about what's gonna happen this Sunday, 'cause no one in this room has ever been threatened personally...like you're threatened now. None of us have ever been threatened collectively like we're threatened now. This coalition of WCW and ECW - they wanna eat each and every one of you alive. They wanna do it tonight, and they wanna finish us off on Sunday. Now I was hoping that we were gonna have someone with us tonight to lead the way, Stone Cold Steve Austin.Undertaker: To HELL with all that! I've heard all of that I'm gonna hear. What it's time for is to find out who the phony tough is and who's the crazy brave. Austin - he's made a hell of a name for himself here in the WWF, and now he don't have the heart to go out and to fight for the company that made him? I say the HELL with him! The rest of you, you need to understand this - there's no shame in goin' out and fightin' and gettin' your ass kicked. There's no honor in not fighting at all. So who wants to fight? [wrestlers murmur] WHO WANTS TO FIGHT??!? [wrestlers get agitated and Undertaker quiets them as a staff member brings in Freddie Blassie on a wheelchair]Freddie Blassie: Gentlemen, there comes a time when every man must fight for what he believes in! [rises from wheelchair] You understand? Now's the time! Get up, stand up, and fight! [wrestlers get louder]Wrestlers: Fight!! FIGHT!!!! [at a bar, Austin is so unnerved by footage of the gathering that he moves balls around a pool table and smashes a cue before leaving]Debra: Steve! Where are you going?? [Classy Freddie Blassie leaves with an assistant, but Shane and Stephanie McMahon waylay them]Shane McMahon: Hey hold on a second, hold on a second, stay right there. You think what you said there had any impact at all?Stephanie McMahon: Hey Freddie, you think that with Stone Cold Steve Austin just did out there, you think that had any impact? Shane: You think the WWF has any impact at all, any impact at all this Sunday on ECW and WCW? The answer is NO!!Stephanie: [laughs] But I tell you what will have a lot of impact. You see Freddie, because you and the WWF have a lot in common. You're both about to die! Shane: [to assistant] Get him out of here. Go! July 23Vince McMahon: Well, I suppose congratulations are in order for the WCW/ECW Alliance, for their victory at Invasion. I'd like to remind The Alliance, however, that victory was but one battle. I'm confident that we here in the World Wrestling Federation will win many battles and ultimately win the war.Jim Ross: Damn right.McMahon: However I admit the stealing of Stone Cold Steve Austin was like dropping an atomic bomb. But then again, if it's nuclear warfare you want, it's nuclear warfare you're gonna get. Because tonight, I'm gonna drop a little bomb of my own. You see tonight, I'm gonna do something I should've done a long time ago. Tonight, I'm gonna lift the suspension of a certain WWF superstar.Michael Cole: Uh-oh.McMahon: Tonight, tonight I'm gonna reinstate a certain WWF superstar. Tonight, I'm gonna reinstate The Rock!Cole: Yeah! All right!Ross: Listen to that ovation for The Rock!McMahon: I know, I know that just because, just because I wanna reinstate The Rock, I know that doesn't necessarily mean The Rock will come back to the WWF and come back to action. Because if The Rock, if The Rock chooses to come back to action, he does so not because of Vince McMahon, but in spite of him. But knowing that, Rock, I've got a challenge for you, Rock. You've never backed down from a challenge before, so here goes. You know Rock, should you decide to come back to the WWF, I've gotta wonder, Rock, can you still bring it? I've gotta wonder Rock, whether you can still layeth the smackdown. And Rock can you still raise the people's eyebrow, Rock? And, and drop the People's Elbow, can you do that Rock? Rock let me ask you, Rock do you still consider yourself the people's champion? Rock are you still worthy of being called the most elecrifying man in sports entertainment today? If you are Rock, then listen to me. Listen to me damn it, Rock, I know, I know you're watching this tonight. Now wait a minute. Don't listen to me. Listen Rock, in Buffalo, New York, Rock, Rock! They're chanting your name! They're chanting your name Rock! Can you hear it Rock? Can you hear it?! Well Rock, on behalf of the millions, AND MILLIONS, of your Rock's fans, Rock come back! Come back Rock, because once again, we want to smellalalalalala, what The Rock is cookin'! July 30The Rock: Finally...The Rock HAS COME BACK...to the WWF! August 27 [The Rock appears after winning the WCW title]The Rock: Finally, The Rock has come back to Grand Rapids! Shane McMahon, just so the Rock understands this: The Rock supposedly doesn't care about the history of the WCW? The Rock doesn't care about history of the WCW title? Well The Rock knows damn well the history of the WCW title. The Rock knows that the title traces back to Frank Gotch, Lou Thesz, Ricky Steamboat, and - woooooooooo! - Ric Flair! The Rock also knows damn well, what in recent years the WCW title has come to... Diamond Dallas Page? Booker T? The guy from Scream 2, the dog from Married with Children, the maid from The Jeffersons! Shane McMahon, this WCW title is just like your sister, everybody gets [makes finger-petting motion] a turn! September 24Michael Cole: Last night at Unforgiven, you successfully defended your WCW title, but no rest for the weary, because tonight you will defend that title, yet again, this time against Rob Van Dam.The Rock: Finally, The Rock has come back to Columbus! [crowd cheers] You see, last night was a very special night for The Rock. Handicap match, The Rock, Booker T, Shane O'Mac, The Rock walked in to Unforgiven the WCW Champion, The Rock walked out Unforgiven the WCW Champion! [crowd cheers] But tonight is a very special night as well. You see, tonight will mark the first time, FIRST TIME, The Rock will defend his WCW title against Rob Van Dam. But that's not the only reason why tonight is a very special night. You see, on this night, 25 years ago, from the testicles of Vince McMahon himself, came something so terrifying! So horrifying, it sends chills up and down men's bodies all over the world! Tonight marks the birth of one Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley. And you know, Stephanie, a word of warning. The Rock knows that you like to get involved in all The Alliance matches. So if you decide to get involved in The Rock's match tonight, Stephanie, The Rock - [The Rock looks off-screen for several seconds as the crowd cheers] Stephanie if you decide to get involved in The Rock's match tonight, then just like the doctor did 25 years ago when he held your little baby body up and wiped all the afterbirth goo from your body, The Rock will take the back of the people's hand and slap that million dollar candy ass! [crowd cheers] But you see, Stephanie, don't get The Rock wrong, The Rock is happy it's your birthday. As a matter of fact, The Rock wants to help you celebrate this very joyous occasion. So Stephanie, allow The Rock to sing you a very special birthday song. [singsong] Happy Birthday to Steph, you're a hoe with big breasts, so take the night off from hooking, if you smell what The Rock is cooking! October 29 Jim Ross: [after Vince McMahon knocks down his son, Shane, with a trash can]: Can Vince make the cover? [suddenly Alliance members Booker T and Test come out to the ring to attack Vince] Wait a minute, there's...there's that damn Booker T and Test! Those bastards! [The Undertaker and Kane then arrive to even the odds] And Undertaker and Kane! Undertaker and Kane!Paul Heyman: But whose side are they on?Jim: They're not on Test and Booker T's side, that's for damn sure! Kane...on the outside, [Kane and Test knock each other down with kicks to the face] and both Kane and Test are down! The Undertaker, looking for a...spinaroonie, a little ride...[Undertaker gives Booker T a Last Ride] ...a Last Ride! [William Regal then comes out and gives The Undertaker a low blow from behind] But there's - oh! - Alliance commissioner William Regal with a low blow! Coming from behind The Undertaker, [Regal then hits the Regal Cutter on The Undertaker] and Regal, taking The Undertaker down, and perhaps out of this equation. [the crowd cheers loudly as suddenly The Rock comes out to the ring and attacks Regal] And there's The Rock!Paul: But whose side is he on?!Jim: Team WWF! And The Rock, laying the smack down on Regal! [The Rock then gives Regal a Rock Bottom] And the Rock Bottom! The Rock Bottom! [out comes Stone Cold Steve Austin] Oh God! There's Austin!Paul: I know what side he's on! It's Stone Cold, [Austin gives The Rock a Stone Cold Stunner] punishing The Rock!Jim: Austin with a Stunner on The Rock!Paul: Austin just stunned The Rock! [now Kurt Angle comes out, with a steel chair in hand]Jim: And here comes Kurt Angle!Paul: Whose side is HE on?!Jim: [as Angle looks like he is about to hit Austin with the chair] Kurt Angle, the steel chair! Tear his head - [Chris Jericho runs into the ring, and Angle suddenly turns around and hits Jericho in the head with the chair instead] Oh no! Angle just nailed - Kurt Angle just hit Chris Jericho with the, right in the face with that steel chair! [The Rock gets back up from the Stunner, only for Angle to hit him in the head with the chair as well] Oh my God! My God, what is this?! [Angle then hits the Undertaker with the chair] Oh my God, don't tell me! [Kane gets back in the ring and Angle hits him with the chair as well] No! No! Kurt Angle! No!Paul: It's Kurt Angle! Kurt Angle, has joined the Alliance!Jim: My God, it can't be!Paul: It is! It's true! It's true! [Austin stands Vince up and hits him with a Stone Cold Stunner]Jim: Oh! Austin - got the Stunner on McMahon, who couldn't even stand to start with!Paul: Kurt Angle has joined the Alliance, it's true, it's true!Jim: [as Austin puts Shane on top of Vince]: Oh no! That son of a - [as the referee successfully counts to three] No! No, dammit! [the bell rings] Oh, God! What has Kurt Angle done?Lilian Garcia: Here's your winner, Shane McMahon!Paul: Shane McMahon has beaten his own father!Jim: [as Shane and Austin embrace and then celebrate in the ring with Angle]: Shane McMahon may have beat his father physically; he may have also just beat his father at his own game! For the love of God, Shane McMahon has coerced Kurt Angle to join the Alliance!Paul: Kurt Angle has joined the Alliance! It's true! It's damn true!Jim: Kurt Angle with an assault with a steel chair! Team WWF has gone to hell! My God, Kurt Angle has screwed us all and joined the damned Alliance! November 12Kurt Angle: I have a little story I'd like to tell. And Stone Cold Steve Austin, I hope you're listening. There was once a group of extraordinarily talented guys, who had a chance to make history. Had a chance to win it all. But it all got put in jeopardy due to infighting, backstabbing, and lack of leadership. What was once a group that had everything, became now, a bunch of losers with nothing. Of course I'm talking about the 2001 Boston Red Sox. Oh it's true!Paul Heyman: Excellent point.Angle: And Austin, when you stunned me last week on SmackDown!, it was the same as Pedro Martinez and Nomar refusing to play with their so-called "injuries". [crowd boos] And this Sunday, The Alliance has the chance to win it all at Survivor Series. And Austin, we better, because when the Boston Red Sox loses each year like they do, big deal! Because they always have next year to screw it up again! Well Austin, there is no next year for us. There is no tomorrow. If we don't win this Sunday, it's over! And I'm not ready for my hall of fame career to end. So Austin, I want you to come out here right now, [to a fan] Shut up! I want you to come out here right now and I want you to apologize for stunning me last week! And I'm not going anywhere until you do.Jim Ross: Kurt Angle calling out Stone Cold Steve Austin, another member of Team Alliance. [Edge's music hits] Wait a minute, that's not Stone Cold's music, Paul.Heyman: No, Stone Cold hates Rob Zombie. [Edge comes out]Ross: Here comes Edge. Edge, not Stone Cold.Heyman: What the hell is Edge doing here?Ross: I have no earthly idea. Apparently we're about to find out. It was Angle who was wanting Austin out here, demanding an apology. Instead, here's Edge.Edge: I'm not Austin, and I'm definitely not here to apologize. Kurt, I'm here to tell you one thing. You're a selfish bastard! [crowd cheers] Ross: Wow.Edge: You had it all. You had the respect and support of all of these people, your peers, and this entire country. And you threw that all away because deep down inside, you're a red, white and blue, but most importantly, yellow coward!Angle: What the hell are you talking about?!Edge: Oh you know what I'm talking about! And on behalf of the entire WWF locker room, which you abandoned, I wanna challenge you for that U.S. title. Not tomorrow, not later on tonight, but right now.Ross: Edge has thrown down the gauntlet.Angle: Hold on a second! You want a title shot from me right now? I taught you everything you know, you ungrateful snot-nosed bastard! If you want this title, [puts the WCW United States Championship down] you come get it. November 19 [Vince McMahon is not too pleased to see Ric Flair and demands an explanation]Ric Flair: The explanation that I'm gonna give you all revolves around the fact that I bet on a winner last night! Woooo!Vince McMahon: What the hell are you talking about?Ric: I sat home, wooo!! on the big side of town, in that big house, and I bet on a winner last night. But [to Kurt Angle] Kurt Angle, let me just say this to you. You're a man who's got an Olympic gold medal, you got a legacy, you're an ambassador, this is no way you want to win the World title. Be Kurt Angle, be the gold medal winner, and be a man that wins by beating the best man.Vince: So you came down here 'cause its your hometown to give us your opinion. How nice, Mr Flair. Nice to see you, now goodbye.Ric: You want, you want me to just cut it to the quick right away? I bet on a winner last night, and do you know, that when Shane and Stephanie sold their stock to that consortium, that the consortium... wooo!! [takes off coat, goes on rope, makes the strut, and swings off rope before going back to Vince] The consortium was me, and now you and I, are limousine-ridin', jet-flyin', kiss-stealin', wheeling-dealin' son of a guns! You know why? Because we're partners! [embraces Vince briefly]Jerry Lawler: What?!!Jim Ross: Oh my god...Flair and McMahon are partners?!!? December 10Jonathan Coachman: Well Edge, first of all, congratulations on defeating William Regal last night at Vengeance. And if you don't mind me saying, you totally reeked of awesomeness.Edge: Thanks Coach, but I can't take anything away from Regal. He's tough, and he brought it last night. He almost escaped with my Intercontinental Championship. But you know what? He didn't. And I have a message for Mr. William Regal. [mock English accent] You don't have one of these to hold up your trousers, do ya? Have you kissed any bums lately? You bum kisser! You cheeky monkey! [makes kissing sounds, then William Regal knocks Edge out from behind]Jim Ross: Oh wait! Regal, God!William Regal: Not so bloody funny now, are you?Ross: With the brass knucks! Regal just cheap shotted Edge with the brass knucks!Jerry Lawler: Edge is out cold!Steve Austin: What? What? What? What? Y2J is the undisputed champion? Y2J was declared the winner at Vengeance? Vince McMahon and Booker T screws Stone Cold? Vince and Booker T screws Stone Cold? I said Vince McMahon and Booker T screws Stone Cold? After last night, I sat there and I thought about it and I said, "Stone Cold, there's no use in sitting there crying, whining, pissing, moaning." So I asked myself, I said, "Stone Cold, do you want Y2J or do you want Booker T?" So while I was trying to make that decision, I drove over to the Sonic Drive-In, ordered a jalapeno burger, a chicken-fried steak sandwich, a chili cheese dog with extra onions, french fries, tater tots, washed it down with one beer, two beers, three beers, a shot of whiskey, a margarita, and a Bloody Mary, and I said, "Stone Cold, why have one when you can have them both?" Booker T, you show up tonight with Vince McMahon and you got security guards. You got your guard dogs. You got your pepper spray. So you can sit up there in your stupid little skybox and you can watch Stone Cold Steve Austin kick the crap out of Y2J in a steel cage. Y2J, you said you're calling Stone Cold a little trooper? Tonight, Stone Cold Steve Austin, I ain't gonna be no little trooper, and since we're right here in Anaheim, California, Hollywood is right there in the road. So tonight, Chris Jericho, Stone Cold Steve Austin is gonna make you a star. No, he's gonna make you a superstar. No, just like you said, he's gonna make you a super-duper star because you're gonna get the starring role in the movie I'm directing, and the name of that movie is, "My Name is Chris Jericho, and I'm Getting My Ass Whipped in a Steel Cage." And when it's all said and done, Chris Jericho, Stone Cold Steve Austin is gonna take his undisputed championships and walk out of this ring. And that's the bottom line because Stone Cold said so. 2002 February 25 [HHH faces Stephanie and Chris Jericho over the married couple's allegedly poor sexual exploits]Triple H: You know, Steph, maybe it was not so much the Game that was short, maybe the field I was playing on was too damn big.Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley: [shocked as crowd pops] I don't know what you mean by that!HHH: You don't know what I mean? Let me tell you what I mean.Stephanie: [sees the crowd becoming more agitated] Shut up, all of you SHUT UP!!HHH: Let me tell you what I mean, let me make it a little more clear for you. You see Steph, even a 747 looks small when you're flying it [points hand at Steph's hips] into the Grand Canyon! March 18Linda McMahon: Good evening. First of all, let me take this opportunity to thank our millions of fans around the world, as well as the World Wrestling Federation superstars, who made WrestleMania X8 such an overwhelming success. Secondly, I would like to inform our fans, our superstars, as well as the co-owners of the World Wrestling Federation, that the board of directors has reached the decision on an action plan for the company. The board is afraid that absent in the action, the animosity between Ric Flair and Vince McMahon will continue to be counterproductive for all concerned. Therefore, we are proposing a brand extension under the World Wrestling Federation corporate umbrella, in which Ric Flair would have 100% control and authority over WWF Raw, and Vince McMahon would have 100% control and authority over WWF SmackDown!. We also proposed that one week from tonight on Raw, there be a draft of World Wrestling Federation superstars, in which each co-owner would select his respective talent that would be exclusive to his brand. With the exception of World Wrestling Federation Women's Champion, the men's champion, whose services would be available to both brands. This is an exciting adventure for the World Wrestling Federation. One which we feel is the only solution to ensure that this bitter competition between Vince McMahon and Ric Flair becomes a positive for the benefit of our company, and for our superstars, but most importantly for you, the World Wrestling Federation fans. Thank you. March 25Linda McMahon: Good evening. Tonight, we will witness the first-ever World Wrestling Federation draft. Vince McMahon will represent SmackDown!. Ric Flair will represent Raw. In the interest of time, only 20 picks will actually be made live tonight. A lottery will be held immediately following Raw on WWF.com to determine placement of all other World Wrestling Federation performers. The result of tonight's historic draft becomes effective on next week's Raw. However, because of the Triple Threat WWF Championship match tonight, neither Triple H, Chris Jericho, nor Stephanie McMahon is eligible to be drafted. And due to a contractual clause, Stone Cold Steve Austin is not eligible to be drafted either. Mr. Austin is therefore declared a free agent, able to sign with either SmackDown! or Raw. Thank you for your attention this evening and best of luck to all the World Wrestling Federation superstars. April 1Ric Flair: Welcome to Raw. Tonight, Raw enters a new era. The Ric Flair era. An era that promises to be more exciting and action-filled, woo, than ever before. And tonight, I promise to do everything in my power to sign Stone Cold Steve Austin to a contract that will ensure that Stone Cold Steve Austin stays with Raw forever. And also, I have the personal honor tonight, of presenting the new Undisputed Championship belt to the reigning World Wrestling Federation champion, Triple H. Let the party begin! Woo! April 22 [Big Show and Stone Cold Steve Austin are facing Scott Hall and X-Pac in a tag team match]Jim Ross: Austin's gotta make the tag. He's close to the Big Show. [Austin tags in Big Show]Jerry Lawler: Oh there it is!Ross: Austin makes the tag. The Big Show gets the tag, and here he comes. And look at the nWo, they want no part of... [Big Show pulls down the straps from his singlet as Hall and X-Pac get on their knees]Lawler: Oh no! [Big Show suddenly grabs Austin by the throat]Ross: Hey, wait a minute! Lawler: What?!Ross: What the hell?! What the hell is this?! Oh my God! [Big Show lifts Austin in the air for a chokeslam]Lawler: What is he doing?!Ross: My God, the 500-pounder! Big Show... [Big Show chokeslams Austin]Lawler: Oh!Ross: The big bastard just chokeslammed Austin all the way to hell!Lawler: His own partner! [Big Show raises hands with Hall and X-Pac, signifying he has joined the nWo] Look at this!Ross: What the hell is this?! My God, has the Big Show joined the nWo?! My God the Big Show!Lawler: I can't believe what I'm seeing, but JR, I think you're right!Ross: What a no good bastard, the Big Show chokeslamming Austin! My God I cannot, can you imagine what this means?! April 29The Undertaker: There's an old expression that goes, the more things change, the more they stay the same. And I guess that re, I guess that goes for you, Hogan. Because I remember your first run here in the World Wrestling Federation. I remember how these people would get up on their chairs and scream. How small children in their red and yellow t-shirts would get on their fathers' shoulders just to get a glimpse at their hero. But Hogan, back in the day, do you remember what happened when I would come to the ring? All those smiles, all the laughter would be replaced by frowns and tears. Those small kids would get off their fathers' shoulders, hide behind his legs. They would hide there in fear Hogan. Just like you hide in fear when you think about facing me. Hogan, what you have to realize is I'm not like everybody else. I'm not like The Rock. I'm not like Triple H. I'm not awe-struck by your presence, and I'm definitely not impressed with you. You know why? Because I beat you. And deep down, although you don't want to admit it, you know that I am better than you are now. Better than when you were in your prime. Hogan knows the pain and the humiliation that I am capable of inflicting on anybody I choose. You've always known this Hogan. And that's exactly why you ran off from the WWF the first time. Hogan, you knew if you stayed, that I would hurt you. and you were right. Hogan wants no part of me. That's why he was so anxious for a rematch with Triple H, and that's probably why he'll lose at SmackDown! against Jericho. But Hogan, what you have to realize is, that I can do much more than take your title. What I can do Hogan, is take a living, breathing icon and beat him and batter him and leave him a bloody shell of a man. Hogan you don't have to take my word for it. All you have to do is ask Ric Flair. There's a thought Hogan, that you need to come to grips with. That thought is, when you come face to face with The Undertaker, the party is over. That's why Hogan, that's why I hope you beat Jericho Thursday night. I want you to be the champion come Judgment Day. Hell, that's why I let you win at Backlash. Because I wanna personally see the expressions on these people's faces when I destroy the legend that is Hulk Hogan.Jerry Lawler: He say he let Hogan win at Backlash?Undertaker: The most terrifying part about it is Hogan, there's not a damn thing that you can do about it.[Hollywood Hulk Hogan's music hits]Jim Ross: Interesting words from The Under - whoa, wait a minute! [Hollywood Hulk Hogan comes out] And The Undertaker is being faced now with reality. The reality of Hulkamania. The reality that Hollywood Hulk Hogan is the man. The reality that Hogan will defend the Undisputed title this Thursday night on SmackDown! against Chris Jericho.Lawler: And I don't think The Undertaker actually ever got around to technically calling out Hollywood Hulk Hogan, but here he is anyway!Ross: Undertaker did not call Hogan out, but Hogan is here, ready, willing, and able to confront the number one contender. And this powder keg will explode at any heartbeat.Lawler: I wanna see it! Do it! [crowd chants "Hogan"]Ross: There's a lot of history between these two. Hogan showing no fear. No intimidation.Undertaker: I can see it in your eyes Hogan. You're ready to go aren't you? You want a piece of me don't you? I bet you even got something to say to me, don't ya Hogan? Well let me let you save your breath, because I think I know what it is you wanna say. Let me tell you what I'm gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild on me. Lawler: Uh-oh!Undertaker: I'm gonna beat you down like the bitch you are.Ross: Evil disrespect. [Hogan punches Undertaker] And Hogan just thinned The Undertaker! And Hogan is ready to fight! The WWF champion is ready to fight, and The Undertaker, oh don't tell me The Undertaker has to levitate.Lawler: Come on Undertaker! Where's he going? June 17Vince McMahon: Ever since last Monday night, the question that seems to be on everyone's mind is, is Stone Cold Steve Austin really gone? Sadly, sadly the answer to that question is yes. Jerry Lawler: Wow.McMahon: I know, I don't like it any more than you do. The other question on everyone's mind is, one day, will Stone Cold Steve Austin be back in action in World Wrestling Entertainment?Lawler: That's the question.McMahon: I sincerely hope so. Quite frankly, I really don't have the answer to that question and I'll tell you why. See, Austin has a lot of explaining and a lot of apologizing to do before he comes back. Austin, when he walked last Monday, it wasn't the first time he walked out on us. It happened once before, the day after WrestleMania, when Austin packed his bag without notifying anyone. He simply packed his bag and went home. He was scheduled to be on Raw just as he was scheduled last Monday. Austin stayed home for approximately two weeks claiming he was burned out. All right, you can understand being burned out. We all have been burned out from time to time, and given the enormous contributions that Austin made, and has made to our company, all was forgiven, two weeks later Austin came back to work. Nonetheless, in my mind, Austin owes an apology for walking out to every superstar in that locker room. Austin owes an apology to the company he helped build. Austin owes an apology to each and every one of you for walking out on you. I don't know if Austin's ever gonna come back to action or not. [crowd chants "Austin"]Lawler: You can tell JR, that the fans want him back.McMahon: Last Monday, Austin was in town, he was scheduled to be on Raw as I said, and a number of us attempted to speak to him on his cell phone. He refused to take our calls until finally, after repeated attempts, Austin took one call. That was from that man right there. [points to Jim Ross] Austin's friend, Jim Ross. JR pleaded with Austin, since you're in town, don't walk, simply just come to the arena. Sit down and discuss your grievances as a man. Austin didn't do that. JR's plea fell on deaf ears. And quite frankly, Austin's actions both personally and professionally are certainly uncharacteristic of the man we all know. Nonetheless, Austin, as an adult, should and will be held accountable. We have to move on as a company without Austin. And move on we will, we have to. We have no alternative. We'll develop new stars, new matches, new concepts, even this Sunday's King of the Ring winner will automatically face the champion at SummerSlam. Austin is gone, but clearly Stone Cold will never, ever be forgotten. I know that in Austin's heart, he wishes every superstar in the locker room well. He wishes all of you well. And I know Austin wishes even the company that he helped build well. So Steve tonight, wherever you are, I'd like to say on behalf of all the superstars, some of whom are riding your coattails for the trailblazes you made, I'd like to say Steve, to you, on behalf of the company that you helped build, on behalf Steve, of every single fan that you entertained throughout the years all over the world, on behalf of all of us Steve, I would simply like to say thank you. Thank you Stone Cold. Thank you for the memories. July 1 [Booker T chances upon Goldust]Booker T: Tell me you're not dressed like that. Man put that thing before you get somebody eye-witted. Who are you supposed to be tonight?Goldust: [as Darth Vader, complete with breathing. touches Booker T] Booker, the Force is strong with you, but you are not a Jedi yet. Booker T: Look man, I don't know what you're talking about, but I ain't no Star Wars geek. I ain't watched a movie and never will. Goldust: [removes helmet] Booker, it's not about that. It's about last week and our splendid plan. It's about me concocting another marvelous plan tonight if you will only go over there and relax. Get your matcon and get ready.. I will be back [dons helmet]Booker T: Let me see that. [takes lightsaber toy, but gets amazed when it lights up, and makes motions and humming sounds as if he's using the weapon] I'm like, I'm about to get medieval man... OBI-BOOK KENOBI!! It don't matter whether you're a Stormtrooper or the nWo, your ass is about to get waxed by the five-time Master Jedi champion, now can you dig that, [kneels and thrusts lightsaber upwards] sucka!!! [returns to normal and gives Goldust the lightsaber back] Take care of your business, man. [leaves] July 8Vince McMahon: Good evening. Based upon the fact that last week, The Undertaker defended the Undisputed Championship against Jeff Hardy on Raw and against Kurt Angle on SmackDown!, I have taken the liberty of giving The Undertaker a well-deserved night off. Furthermore, The Undertaker is preparing to welcome The Rock back to SmackDown! this Thursday night. However due to the controversy surrounding the Kurt Angle versus Undertaker match, the highlights of which you've just witnessed, and in the interest of fairness, the main event at Vengeance will now be Kurt Angle versus The Rock versus The Undertaker in a Triple Threat matchup for the Undisputed WWE Championship. Thank you. July 15 Booker T: [in interview with Jonathan Coachman] The fact of the matter is this. Big Show, I'm 'bout to come out here and pull an Allen Iverson on yo' punk ass and show you why you don't put your hands on the [counts fingers on hand] five-time, five-time, five-time, five-time, five-time WCW Champion! Now can you dig that... [looks over and looks like he's seeing a ghost, but it's actually...]Eric Bischoff: [shaking Booker's hand] Booker T, so good to see you again, my friend.Booker T: [to Coach after Eric walks off] Tell me I didn't just see that. [With the one-hour countdown to naming a new Raw General Manager is up, Vince comes out]Vince McMahon: You know, you don't realize this but it takes a real son of a bitch to be successful in this business. So from one son of a bitch to another, allow me to introduce you to the new general manager of Raw - his name is ERIC BISCHOFF! [Bischoff comes out and gives McMahon a deep embrace and raise their arms together. Bischoff heads down to the ring]Eric Bischoff: For those of you who may not know me... my name is Eric Bischoff, and I used to run WCW. Not that watered-down version, by the way, that invaded this company... but the real deal. You see, when I ran WCW, I became famous. That's right. I was the only person EVER able to take it right to Vince McMahon. That would be me. In fact, when Vince was out here a couple weeks ago talking about ruthless aggression... just who the hell do you think he was talking about? That, of course, would be me - I've personified ruthless aggression. When Vince McMahon needed star power, I was ruthless. Hell, I signed everybody he had! Hulk Hogan - Randy Savage - Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, Roddy Piper, it went on and on and on, hell - I was like a kid in a candy store! I signed Bobby "the Brain" Heenan and Mean Gene Okerlund... just for the hell of it! Just because I could. But what I really did... is I took this little family business, this McMahon monopoly, and I gave it one big swift kick in the crotch. And it was sweet. In fact, while Vince McMahon was on trial with the federal government, he took his eye off the ball - and I raided his company dry. And for all of you people who say the only reason I was successful is because I had Ted Turner's money, I've got news for each and every one of you - I was successful because I was innovative. In fact, I was cutting edge, remember - remember back when Raw was taped every other week and Nitro was live, and I decided to go on the air two minutes before Raw, and I gave away everything that happened on Raw so YOU people didn't have to watch it? Oh, DAMN! That was ruthless. And it was a little aggressive, but it worked. And how about Alundra Blayze, you remember her? Vince's Woman's World Champion, I signed her away and I said 'hey, Alundra, bring your belt to Nitro,' she didn't really want to, but I made her, 'cause... she worked for me. And I had her go out on national television and throw it in the trash! Hahaha... that one killed me, it was a little ruthless, it was a little aggressive, but it worked. But you know what the important thing was? Is I forced Vince McMahon to change the way he did television. I did. Because on Nitro, I gave away a competitive main event every week with big stars! Hell, WCW Nitro changed the face of sports entertainment forever! And I singlehandedly forced Vince McMahon to change the way HE did business so HE could keep up with ME. It was beautiful. Hey, remember when I created the nWo? Cutting edge! Ruthless! Aggressive! Not some stale retread. Nitro beat Raw 84 WEEKS IN A ROW. Eighty-four weeks in a row, and I came THIS close - can you see it? THIS close to putting this company out of business forever. Singlehandedly! So naturally, I was a little surprised when my phone rang...and on the other end was none other than Vince McMahon, and he said 'hey Eric, whaddaya think about becoming the general manager of Raw?' Well I gotta tell ya, I was surprised. I was DAMN surprised. But then the more I thought about it, the more sense it made to me - because you see if there's one person - ONE person who can take this... struggling franchise, and turn it into a national media powerhouse! Well... that would be... ME. And it's gonna start right here on Raw, and we're gonna kick it off this Sunday at Vengeance. Because there was one thing that I really wanted to do when I was running WCW, never got the job done, one piece of talent that I could never sign away. Just one. And I'm absolutely convinced - absolutely convinced that if I would have been able to sign him that right now, today, Nitro would be on the air, and Vince McMahon, my new best friend, with all due respect, would be working for me. But that's okay. Because it's not gonna be the nWo that signs Triple H - uh uh - that would be me. And for all of the rest of you in the back - some of you I've had a chance to work with, some of you I'm meeting for the very first time - one thing I'm sure you'll all agree on is that people generally like working for me - it's really not about the money - truly, it's not. People are drawn to winners - you people are drawn to winners - Mr. McMahon was drawn to a winner, which is why he hired me. Let's face it: the WWE needs me - you people DESERVE me - and there's one thing I wanna promise each and every one of you people. I am here to put the 'E' in WWE. July 22Shawn Michaels: Oh my!Jerry Lawler: Yeah you got that right, oh my!Michaels: Just when you thought it was safe to turn on the old rasslin' show, look who's back in town! The boys who were rebels before being a rebel was cool, D-Generation X!Triple H: With that said, [crowd chants "DX"]Lawler: Oh here we go! That didn't take long did it?Jim Ross: Not long at all.Lawler: These people remember DX!Triple H: You damn right. ARE YOU READY? [crowd cheers]Ross: I don't know if we are or not, but we better get ready.Triple H: I said, ARE YOU READY?Lawler: They're ready! I don't know if Eric Bischoff is ready.Triple H: Then, for the thousands in attendance, and for the millions watching at home, LET'S GET READY TO SUCK IT!Lawler: Oh ho ho there it is! [Triple H suddenly kicks Michaels in the gut]Ross: Hey wait a minute!Lawler: What?!Ross: What the hell?! [Triple H pedigrees Michaels] No!Lawler: What is this?Ross: Triple H with a Pedigree on Shawn Michaels! Good God almighty!Lawler: What?!Ross: What the hell is this about?!Lawler: What is this about, look at this!Ross: Shawn Michaels has not been in the ring in four years, he is, he, what the hell is this about?! August 26 Paul Heyman: We stand here tonight on the sacred ground of the world's most famous arena, Madison Square Garden. And, you can take Bruno Sammartino, Superstar Billy Graham, Hollywood Hulk Hogan...you can combine them all and they STILL don't equal this man. And the funniest thing about it is, I TOLD YOU SO! And none of you would listen to me! I told you Brock Lesnar was the Next Big Thing, and none of you would listen. I told you Brock Lesnar would win the King of the Ring, and none of you would listen to me. I told you that Brock Lesnar would destroy the myth of Hulkamania, none of you would listen to me! I told you Brock Lesnar would beat The Rock for the Undisputed title at SummerSlam, and none of you would listen to me! Well you think by now, you people would learn to listen! October 7 [Triple H and Ric Flair appear on the stage after Kane successfully defends the World Tag Team Championship in a TLC match]Triple H: Kane, I promised you that before this night was over, your life would never be the same. You said this is the happiest you've ever been in your life, huh? Well, unfortunately, some people always can't be that happy. [crowd chants "asshole" at Triple H] Let me ask you a question, Kane! How happy is Katie Vick? Yeah, that's right. I know, Kane. I know it all. Ten years ago, you killed her. That's right, Kane. You are a murderer. [Kane stands in the ring, speechless] October 14Kane: Katie Vick was a friend of mine, and Katie Vick is dead. But I didn't kill her. It was an accident, and I am not a murderer! See, Katie and I were friends about ten years ago. Back when I first started wrestling. In fact, she came to my first match, and she was probably the only one that cared when I was getting beat up. I cared about her too. One night, Katie and I, uh, we went to a party and Katie had too much to drink. So I decided that I should drive her home. I wasn't real familiar with a stick shift, but Katie insisted that we take her car, uh, it was dark, the road was slick as it was raining and a animal jumped, jumped right out in front of us, and uh, I swerved, swerved to uh, to avoid it, and the car spun out of control, went off the road, and uh, I broke my arm, but, but Katie was uh, Katie was killed instantly. But it was an accident! But it's something that I have to live with and, something that I've thought about every day since. So, the only thing that I have left to say is what I said to Katie's parents. I'm sorry.Triple H: Oh boo hoo, Kane! Boo hoo! You've got me all choked up with your touching story Kane. But since you're out here, baring your soul, why don't you tell the world the whole truth? Why don't you tell the world that when the people from that party were questioned, they all said that you were drinking too, Kane. Why don't you tell everybody how when the police got to the accident scene, there were empty beer cans in the car and all around the crime scene. And more importantly Kane, why don't you explain to the world how when doctors did the autopsy on Katie Vick's body, the doctors found your semen. That's right, Kane. Oh, Katie Vick was a whole lot more than just a "friend" to you, wasn't she, Kane? The fact is, you loved Katie Vick. You were madly in love with Katie Vick. The problem was, Katie Vick liked you. She didn't love you, Kane. Katie didn't share your "special" feelings that you had. And come on, Kane, honestly. Who can blame her? Look at you. Who could realistically love a burnt-up freak like you? Now Kane, I know that you weren't charged with murder. I know you weren't even charged with manslaughter. But Kane, facts are facts. And the fact is Kane, the fact is that all of this points to you! You know it, I know it, the