Spitting Image

Spitting Image (1984–1996) is a satirical comedy show using latex puppets of politicians, celebrities, sports stars and the Royal Family to portray events of the previous week. Characters Margaret Thatcher [Margaret Thatcher is treating her Cabinet to a meal at a restaurant.] Waitress: Would you like to order, sir? Thatcher: Yes. I will have the steak. Waitress: How would you like it? Thatcher: Oh, raw, please. Waitress: And what about the Vegetables? Thatcher: Oh, they'll [The Cabinet] have the same as me! Thatcher: Geoffrey, you're a complete imbecile. We can't have a quick war just to win votes! [Beat] Though, now that you mention it, look into it, will you? Cecil Parkinson: Do we have any other business? Thatcher: I bloody well hope not; we've sold it all off! Thatcher: We have to get rid of Enoch. There is no room for racists in the Conservative Party - we're choc-a-bloc as it is! Ronald Reagan Reagan: [Having just passionately kissed Margaret Thatcher] Well, so long hunny-bun. What a fine-lookin' woman. Pity I'm only screwing her country! Reagan: [In the White House bedroom, going back to sleep after being awake for 2 minutes] This is a great country, I wonder who runs it? Dialogue Thatcher: Oh dear. We're never going to win the next election now! We need some way of winning votes! Geoffrey Howe: I suggest a quick war in early '87. That should get some votes. Thatcher: Geoffrey, you're a complete imbecile. We can't have a quick war just to win votes! [Beat] Though, now that you mention it, look into it, will you? Leon Brittan: In the meantime, sir, how about the anniversary of a war? Nigel Lawson: Yes! How about the twenty-fifth anniversary... Douglas Hurd: Or Silver Jubilee. Lawson:...or Silver Jubilee, of 1962! Thatcher: But there wasn't a war in 1962, you doughball! [To man with his hand up] And you are...? Kenneth Williams: Williams, Prime Minister, from the department of Kenneths. They sent me to replace Kenneth Clarke. Thatcher: And what's your idea? Williams: Gentlemen, it's obvious! The fiftieth anniversary of [speeds up] Hitler first thinking about invading Poland, thus leading to the start of World War II! [slows down again] Today. Thatcher: You're fired! Get out of my sight! Williams: Oh, Bitch! [Leaves] Michael Heseltine: This is an outrage! I'm leaving again! [Also leaves] Thatcher: Right, I have it: The Sixtieth Anniversary of roughly halfway between both World Wars which we both won today. So Vote Conservative. Cabinet: Oh, brilliant! Marvelous! etc. David Steel: David? David Owen: [Putting on lipstick] Yes, David? Steel: Um, people are becoming worried. Owen: [Donning a wig] About what? Steel: Worried that your becoming, um, a closet Conservative. Owen: A closet Conservative? [Now with Thatcher's voice] That's ridiculous. Steel: Yes, that's what I thought. So you're still committed to the Alliance? Owen: [Still with Thatcher's voice] I care passionately about the Alliance, David. I certainly don't intend to do a U-turn on that one. Steel: Oh. Great. Um, glad we had this chat. [Leaves] Owen: You wet wimp! Brittan: Oh, good evening, Prime Minister. You look lovely today! Unnamed characters: [chanting] Immigrants out! Immigrants out! Bill Clinton: Immigrants out? So you want me to send all white Americans back to Europe on the w:Mayflower? [beat] Unnamed characters: Yeah! [chanting] Send us back! Send us back! Clinton: [face in palm] Who are these people...? [A parody of BSkyB's early '90s Stalin commercial, set to the the footage of archive Nuremberg rally footage] Adolf Hitler: [voiced with Yorkshire accent] 'Ey up, missis! I'm another one of those tasteful adverts for satellite dishes! 'Oo wants a free subscription, then? Nazi officer: I do! Crowd: [chanting] Me too! Me too! Me too! Me too! SA: I'll 'ave one! Nazi officer: Save one for me, Adolf! Hitler: You bunch of Panzers! [cut to band footage as a drum ensemble sounds out Hitler's joke] Hitler: So get Sky! It'll be Reich up your street! Ooh, they've got that Pol Pot on next week! He'll sell a few more! External links 0086807 Spitting Image Category:UK satirical TV shows Category:UK TV shows featuring puppetry Category:ITV shows Category:Cancelled shows