Miss Congeniality

Miss Congeniality is a 2000 film about an FBI agent who must go undercover in the Miss United States beauty pageant to prevent a group from bombing the event. Directed by Donald Petrie. Written by Marc Lawrence and Katie Ford Unpolished. Unkempt. Unleashed. Undercover. taglines Gracie Hart I am in a dress, I have gel in my hair, I haven't slept all night, I'm starved, AND I'm armed! Don't MESS with me! Look, she's gonna cry again. [imitating winner] 'Oh, if I only had a brain."' Hey! I'm GLIDING here! Victor "Vic" Melling I'm sorry, what was the question? I was distracted by the half-masticated cow rolling around in your wide-open trap. There are no words. Eyebrows. There should be TWO. Smilers wear a crown, losers wear a frown. [to Gracie] If I'd ever had a daughter, I imagine she might have been something like you... which is perhaps why I've never reproduced. Dialogue Eric: All right, here are your new IDs. For pageant identity. Gracie: Gracie Lou Freebush? Eric: Yeah, remember, you like that name. Gracie: Yeah, well, my IQ just dropped 10 points. Vic: [teaches Gracie how to glide] See? Glide. It's all in the buttocks. Don't I look pretty? Gracie: It takes a very secure man to walk like that. Vic: The interview is the single most important part of the pageant. It accounts for 30% of your total score. Gracie: Yeah? And what's the other 70%? Cleavage? Vic: Smilers wear a crown, losers wear a frown. Gracie: I would so love to hurt you right now. Vic: As long as you smile. Now...why is New Jersey called "The Garden State"? Gracie: Because it's too hard to fit "Oil and Petrochemical Refinery State" on a license plate? Vic: Your hair should make a statement. Gracie: As long as it doesn't say 'Thank you very much for the Country Music Award'! Eric: Just imagine that she's me and there's something you wanna know but I don't wanna talk about it. What would you do? Gracie: You want me to beat it out of her? Stan: [as he is being commented by interviewers] I was right in the middle of my song...and then, there was this BIG explosion! [Eric and Gracie are shown escorting Frank and Kathy to the police, arresting them both] Kathy: [unamused] You people got nothing on me. This is ridiculous. [Frank smiles] Eric: [to Kathy] Don't worry, Miss Morningside. Where you're going, they'd love to meet a former beauty queen. Gracie: Yeah, and when he says "meet", he means M-E-A-T. [Gracie takes Kathy to a police car, but Kathy stops and turns to her] Kathy: [calmly] Sweetheart, you don't understand. All I'm guilty of is trying to make the world a more beautiful place! Look at yourself. Why, Dennis Rodman looked better in a dress, but now you're a lady. I did that. Gracie: No, Vic did that and a team of highly federal manicurists and people who make you...you know, like...beautiful. You know what? You're under arrest. Get in the car. [she tries to put Kathy in the back of the car, but she gets up] Kathy: [growing angry] No, you think you saved something tonight, but all you did was to destroy the dream of young women all over this country. Gracie: What, you think their dream is to get blown up? Y'know, you got a really good shot at that insanity plea. Kathy: [as Gracie places her in the car] Yeah? Well, I earned it, honey! 25 years of bitching beauty queens and what do I get?! FIRED! They STEAL my life, they steal my beauty pageant! Gracie: Hey, hey! It is not a beauty pageant. It is a scholarship program. Kathy: Yeah, yeah. Gracie: Yes. [Kathy turns to Gracie in shock, then Gracie shuts the police car's door, and it drives off with Kathy inside] Gracie: Enjoy your run in the the Miss San Antonio Women's Correctional Facility Pageant. Huh? Huh? [laughs and snorts; to Eric] Get it? "The Women's Correctional Facility"? Eric: You gotta admit, part of you is going to miss this. Gracie: I know I am going to miss the heels because they do something for my posture. And I'm suddenly very aware and proud of my breasts. Eric: Funny, so am I. Other Cheryl: Once I stole a pair of red underwear from the department store. My mom wouldn't buy them for me. She said they were Satan's panties. Eric: Is this you not arguing? 'Cause you suck at it. Vic: What, no armored car? Gracie: That would be in my other dress. Gracie: He had a gun. Kathy: Of course he had a gun. This is Texas. Everybody has a gun. My florist has a gun! Stan: I don't have a gun. My ancestors were Quakers. Kathy: Stan, please! Taglines Unpolished. Unkempt. Unleashed. Undercover. She's Got A Killer To Catch... Right After The Swimsuit Competition. Never Mess With An Agent In A Dress. Cast Sandra Bullock - Gracie Hart Michael Caine - Victor Melling Benjamin Bratt - Eric Matthews Candice Bergen - Cathy Morningside Ernie Hudson - FBI Asst. Director Harry McDonald William Shatner - Stan Fields Heather Burns - Cheryl Frasier, Miss Rhode Island External links Miss Congeniality (film) Category:2000 American films Category:Comedy films Category:Thriller films Category:Films directed by Donald Petrie Category:Films about undercover police officers