Boy on a Stick and Slither

Boy on a Stick and Slither is a webcomic by Steven L. Cloud. Strips 1-50 Slither: I bet if you spit on Mick Jagger you'd get on MTV news. "Fame" Boy: What if fish had external genitalia. Visualize that. I bet there'd be a lot more aquariums. "The Fishes" Boy: What do you think is the biggest problem facing snakes today? Slither: Eating our young, probably. Boy: Oh? What do they taste like? Slither: They're delicious. "Problems" Boy: Things work out for the best, don't they? Slither: No. Boy: What goes around comes around. Right? Slither: Depends. Boy: People never change, do they? Slither: I've known people who've changed. Boy: Cuts like a knife but feels so right? Slither: Oh, yeah. "True-ism" Boy: What to know the number one complaint of Mr. T's housekeeper? Slither: All the gold. Boy: Nope. All the pity. "Mr T." Boy: Make it unboring. Slither: I can't. "Ennui" Boy: What kind of guards do they have at hermaphrodite prison? Slither: Understanding. "Prison" Boy: You know the worst part of war? Slither: What? Boy: Cleaning up after the bombs. "War" Slither: Why don't you comb your hair? Boy: I don't oppress any part of my body. "Hair" Boy: I don't like flap-jacks because I imagine they taste like skin. "Flap-Jacks" Boy: Pickles are rotted cucumbers. "Colloquialism" Strips 51-100 Boy: It's a simple fact. Slither: If your home stinks it's less valuable. Boy: Protect your investment. Slither: Dispose of dead bodies. "Home-Owner's Forum" Boy: Listen to logic and reason like a scientist does and take advantage of this sale. "Savings" Boy: There's wisdome in the eye of a puppy, but the tooth of a cat has a point. "Old-Timey Sayings" Boy: Food in the mouth is different in the belly. "Old-Timey Sayings" Boy: Smell.//How doth you, smell?//I liken thee to an angel//Only my nose can see.//Smell. "Ode To Smell" Boy: We're here to help... Slither: ...you. Boy: Don't spill poison on a baby. Slither: A baby's skin is sensitive. Boy: Don't feed the baby alligator meat. Slither: It's a medical fact. Boy: Don't let the baby play with spears. Slither: Spears are never a good idea. "Your Baby's Health" Boy: The older they get, the more Tina Turner and Rod Stewart look like each other. "Coincidene" Slither: Avoid all germs. Boy: Just drink some orange juice. Slither: And hope for the best. "Germs" Boy: You mean you're a realist. Slither: I just say what I think...you can call it what you want. Boy: I'm going to call it Donny. "Genuine Article" Boy: You're not old until you're a 76 year old Hawaiian woman. Statistically speaking. "Oldie" Boy: The mints of today are far superior to the mints of yesteryear. Slither: It's amazing. Our children's breath will be fresher than we can imagine...and more powerful than our ancestors could have dreamed. "Minty Fresh" Strips 101-150 Cobra: (Sitting next to a garden hose) I married beneath me. "Evolution" Take heed: After the Apocalypse TICKETS will be our currency! "Arcade Rules" Boy: I'm gonna get a tatoo that says, "If found, return to God." Slither: Why? Boy: Free ticket to Heaven, brother! "Tatoo You" Slither: I think if old people used candy canes instead of real canes, people would like them more. "The Elderly" Boy: The perfect person would share. The perfect person can dance. Slither: The perfect person doesn't make racist jokes. Boy: Nope. The perfect person is undeniably classy. Slither: The perfect person is pleasantly mediocre. "The Perfect Person" Slither: I hate it when celebrities who aren't famous anymore try to advertise for charities. "Celebrity" Slither: If you're a vet, the best thing that could happen to you is that you'd get to recommend a pet food on TV. I mean, for, like, that one time...their opinion really matters. "Veterinarians" Boy: Mix tapes are the currency of nerds. "Hickey Chick" Slither: God is dead. Boy: Nietzsche is dead. Slither: Touche. Slither: But seriously, God is dead. "Philosophy" Slither: You will die, die, die//In a very heinous way.//I'm gladdened by death. "Things That Cheer You Up" Slither's Tooth: Kid, if I wasn't low on venom, you'd be so full of poison right now. "Nancy Come Home" Boy: It's easy to over-do it with the mummy wrap. Slither: At a certain point, it's just not scary anymore. "Kid's Tip" Strips 151-200 Boy: Here are some bands we'd like to see... Slither: "Vibrating Bread"...for an indie-rock band. Boy: "3rd World Gum Tree"...punk, maybe...and "Vodkatronick; The Ultimate Mixer". I'm thinking D.J. Slither: No, duh. "Bands" Boy: The 1940's were characterized by people's love of ice-cream and fascination with owls! "Time War" Boy: Do you want to play, "Find the Septic Tank"? "Shtick" Boy: You know if the American flag was prettier everybody wouldn't burn it as much. I mean, nobody burns the Gay flag. It's a pretty rainbow. Who would burn a rainbow? Nobody. "Patriotism" Boy: All memories form in the brain, and we all remember the big events in our lives. Slither: Like a parent's berating. Boy: But it's also important to remember some mundane moments. Slither: Right now, for instance. Boy: Round out your memory. Slither: It's all you got. "Kid's Tip" Slither: What does Australia have to offer us besides men who evasively taunt crocodiles? I mean, we got THAT in Florida. "Australia" Boy: Would you like to borrow my "Paul's Boutique" CD? Snake: No. I have a copy. Boy: Crap! I'm training for the Sharing World Championship. "Sharing" Boy: May 1970. I found this signed Joe Montana 49'ers jersey in the jungles of Vietnam. Slither: Joe wasn't drafted until 1979, making this item the rarest of all gems. "Antique Fortunes" Boy: Want to hear about my dream? Slither: No. Boy: Like, I was in this white room with no exits. Just this switch that didn't do anything, and I just kept flicking it...until it broke. The dream got boring after that. "Impossible Dream" Slither: Turns out he was allergic to my venom. Boy: HAHAHA! Really?! Slither: I was like, DOCTOR, HEAL THYSELF! "The Dentist" Boy: It's probably okay to kill mosquitos. Slither: Probably. "Home Remedies" Mr. Money: I'm arbitrary. "New Characters" Strips 201-250 Boy: Do you think God should be taught in schools? Slither: No way. Why would God want to be associated with school? School sucks, man. "Play It Cool" Boy: Everyone should be unique. Slither: Everyone IS unique. Boy: Well, they should be. Slither: They have no choice in the matter. Boy: Nor should they. "To Thine Own Self" Boy: Cavemen didn't wear pants. Therefore they couldn't crap themselves. Technically. Slither: Such is the sacrifice of our modern existence. "Cavement" Boy: Who's more valuable? Rich people or poor people? Slither: Poor people are more valuable alive. Rich people are more valuable dead. "Value" Slither: I lost my job. I lost my house. I lost my family. And I lost my dog. Boy: In all fairness, you ate your dog. "Loss" Slither: You know what love gets you? Old people kissing. "The Science" Boy: You're green. Slither: Greens are balanced, harmonious and peaceful personalities. "Top Colors" Boy:I don't fit in. Slither: Me neither. Boy: Wow! We're the same! Slither: No. You're a freak. I just don't like people. "The Difference" Slither: I've invented this device. It will replay your life in its entirety. It was dubbed the world's second most depressing invention of all time. "Invention" Boy: It's important to know and understand clown markings. Slither: Your safety depends on it. "Clown Markings" Slither: If you throw something at somebody and they catch it, you gain a certain amount of respect for them. If they drop it, some respect is lost. It's subtle. But it happens. "The Cool Rules" Slither: People don't stop pretending. They just start pretending really boring stuff. "Let's Pretend" Strips 251-300 Boy: What was your best idea, ever? Slither: I dreamed of creating a race of solid gold babies. "Solid Gold Baby" Slither: If I was ever a Drill Sergeant, I would treat each of my recruits with the utmost courtesy and respect. They would think I was a pretty cool Drill Sergeant. Then I'd snub them at the big graduation dance! "I thought we were friends!" they'd say. No. We were never friends. "Basic Training" Boy: I read that people only absorb the information that supports their world view. Slither: Where did you read that? Boy: Priviledged White Male Quarterly. "World View" External links Boy on a Stick and Slither Online Comics Category:Comic strips