Frasier (season 8)

Season 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 | Main Frasier was an American TV situation comedy, a spin-off of the television show Cheers, which aired from 1993–2004. It follows the life of a psychiatrist who has returned to his home town of Seattle to reconnect with his father and brother following his divorce and rebuild his life as a talk radio host and high society socialite. And the Dish Ran Away With the Spoon (1) [8.1] Martin and Frasier observe the conversation between Niles and Mel. Frasier still has the figurine that Donny gave him Frasier: Isn't this all too typical? Niles leaves his wife for another woman, he gets a gift; I try to do the right thing, I get Mr Chump and a lawsuit! Niles explains to Frasier and Martin about Mel's condition that he play the doting husband in public Niles: Well, since we eloped, some of Mel's colleagues decided to throw a little last-minute get-together to toast our nuptials. Martin: Well, after Donny gets through with Frasier, you won't be the only one havin' your nuptials toasted. And the Dish Ran Away With the Spoon (2) [8.2] Frasier is watching his brother at the wedding reception Frasier: Look at him, over-acting. Trying to convince everybody he's happily married. Have you ever seen anything so pathetic in your life? Martin: How about you and Lilith? Frasier: It was a rhetorical question! When a photographer approaches the "happy couple" at the reception, Niles becomes more nervous than ever Photographer: How about a kiss? Niles: All right! I hardly know you, but… The Great Crane Robbery [8.4] Frasier is just leaving Café Nervosa when Mel arrives to see Niles Frasier: Ah, Mel. Mel: (icily) Frasier. You're looking... Frasier: (hastily) And you. We must do this again. (exits) Daphne arrives to find the apartment devoid of any furniture Daphne: Well, I'm glad I went to three different stores to find your organic furniture polish. Frasier: Well, Daphne, chin up. You can always use it to polish the floors. Daphne: Oh yes. When God closes a door he opens a window(!) Taking Liberties [8.5] Frasier observes that Niles is in a good mood, so Niles explains that he plans to disregard Mel's instructions and take Daphne out Niles: Mel be damned! Daphne and I are going to have a romantic evening together at my apartment. Not only that; she's going in my car, in my back seat, under a pile of my coats and blankets! Ferguson: Manchester, right? Daphne: Is it that obvious? Ferguson: To me it is. My mum's from Manchester. Used to scream her lungs out for United. Daphne: Is that so? My Uncle Jack once tried to get Bobby Charlton's autograph, until Bobby cracked him over the head with a can of lager. Twelve stitches, and he still has the can! Legal Tender Love and Care [8.6] Martin: Hey, Abby, have you heard this one? How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Abby: I don't know. How many cops planted it there? Frasier: Thrust and parry, Dad. Abby announces that dinner is on her, or rather, the firm Frasier: I couldn't let you do that, Abby. I wanted to pay for dinner. Martin: Don't worry; you are. Abby: I can't believe I was going to sleep with you! [Throws him out of her office.] Frasier: You still can! The New Friend [8.7] Frasier gives Roz his little "guilt offering". Each is unaware that the other has been spending time with Luke Roz: Oh, Frasier, I don't deserve your friendship. Frasier: No, I do not deserve your friendship. Niles: I deserve my own table. Excuse me. (exit) Niles has overheard Roz and Frasier surreptitiously phoning Luke to arrange or cancel plans for the evening. He is now leaving Frasier: Oh, Niles. Listen: as it turns out I am available for that concert… Niles: No, you're not. Mary Christmas [8.8] Kelly Kirkland no longer co-hosts the Christmas parade with her husband Frasier: She's discovered that Cal's been having an affair with a cue card girl. Roz: How did she catch him? Did she find a giant love letter in his pocket? Now that Ballantine has been discontinued, Martin is not looking forward to Christmas Daphne: Christmas is about more than beer, Mr Crane. Niles: Yeah, and this year's extra special 'cos Daphne and I are together. Martin: Well, that's true. No more Mel, no Maris, no Lilith...Maybe I won't need beer this Christmas. Frasier's Edge [8.9] Dr. Tewkesbury ascertains that Frasier's ex-wife is a psychiatrist Tewkesbury: Well, that's a handy choice for someone who'd rather share ideas than emotions. Frasier: Have you ever met Lilith? Tewkesbury: No. Frasier: (stuttering) Well, she happens to be a very warm and loving woman! It is nearly time for Frasier's award presentation, and he has still not arrived Niles: He'll be here in a minute. Just go up there and stall. Kenny: Stall? (beat) Stall?! Niles: Yes, like that. Motor Skills [8.11] Frasier is driving Chelsea to see her first opera. Niles and Daphne are in the back seat Chelsea: Oh, this is gonna be a whole new experience for me. Daphne: Why, you've never been bored before? Niles realizes that students who coast through class are simply frustrated Frasier: So when Billy Kriezel tried to stuff you into your locker after math class, he wasn't really mad at you; he was mad at Pythagoras. Niles: Which is ironic, because a simple volume equation would have shown him I couldn't fit. The Show Must Go Off [8.12] Niles: It's like we wished it to happen, and then it did. Half of me feels guilty, the other half feels relieved... actually, it's about 30-70. Frasier: He has no instincts. He just stinks. Sliding Frasiers [8.13] Frasier is about to go speed dating, and is explaining the idea to Roz Frasier: Basically, it's all the stress and humiliation of a blind date... times twelve. Hungry Heart [8.14] Frasier is darting between Kenny and his wife in the apartment. Martin has not seen either of them Frasier: Dad, I thought you were going to clear out tonight. I've got a date! Enter Kenny Kenny: Doc, I need you in the bedroom. (exit) Martin: (pause) Pretty. Daphne has tripped over Martin: What happened? Niles: Oh, Daphne tripped on something and fell. Martin: Where's Eddie? Oh my god, Eddie! Eddie! (Eddie runs into the scene and jumps on the couch) (Martin sighs of relief) Oh, there he is. I thought maybe he ran away or something. Niles: Oh darling, look at that, your ankle's swelling up already. (Points to it) Daphne: It's the other one! Martin: Here, let me give you a hand. Daphne: Yeah, and no cracks, old man! I know I've gotten heavy and I've resolved to do something about it. Martin: All right, on three. One, two, three! (Martin and Niles lift without results) Maybe the super has a hand truck. Daphne: Kill me! Frasier: (enters) Good lord, what happened? Niles: Daphne twisted her ankle and fell. Come help us lift her. Martin: Okay, boys, be careful. Use your legs. (The Crane men lift Daphne up) Daphne: Oh, bloody hell! I'm wearing two different shoes! (Doorbell rings, Frasier goes to answer it, while Niles helps Daphne to her room) Martin: Daphne, I just thought of somethin' funny: It took three Cranes to lift you! Hooping Cranes [8.15] Roz cannot take the basketball tickets that Frasier has been given Roz: I have a date with this French guy, Jean-Pierre. Frasier: So that's it, huh? No Americans left. Frasier finally loses patience with Niles' basking in glory Frasier: The story is: one upon a time, Niles Crane accidentally made a basket. The End! DocuDrama [8.15] During the argument with Roz, Frasier obliquely threatens to walk out Frasier: Well, I'm just saying that alienating me isn't probably in the best interests of the show. Roz: Well, maybe "the show" would be better off without you. Frasier: Well, then maybe I should just leave "the show". Roz: Well, maybe that's what "the show" wants you to do. Frasier: Well then, "the show" can BITE ME! (exit) Frasier: If I used you, it was only as the swift and terrible sword of Justice! It Takes Two to Tangle [8.17] Niles distracts William while Frasier speaks to his mother about Bryce Academy Niles: I overheard one of the servers discussing a one-act play he wants your mother to produce. William: Okay, which one? Niles: I think it was something by Chekhov. Forgotten But Not Gone [8.18] After a very uninspiring Wine Corner, Frasier signs off with a remark about wine getting better with age, like a good woman Roz: Aww, do you really believe that? Frasier: Oh, who cares, Roz? I stopped listening to myself ten minutes ago! Frasier is sharing his thoughts on a wine with Martin, in his usual verbose fashion Frasier: You don't think it's clear that I enjoy the wine? Martin: I don't think it's clear you're talking about wine. Wine-tasting at the wine club Niles: I'm getting oak with plummy overtones. Endicott: I'm getting screwed on alimony. Martin: (Walks in) Niles, I want to talk to you. Niles: Dad! What happened, is there something wrong? Martin: You're damn right there is, it's about you and Frasier! (notices) Good God, you wear a sash?! Niles: Frasier sent you down here, didn't he? Frasier: (o.s. from above) No! Martin: Frasier, get in here now! Frasier shuffles in beside Niles. The following scene looks like a father dressing down two toddlers — a spectacle that both Frasier and Niles are desperate to avoid Frasier: Dad, this isn't necessary. Niles: Yeah, we-we can talk about this some other time. Martin: Zip it up, both of you! I just gave up the best meal of my life to come down here, so listen up. Niles, let your brother play. Niles: Dad, this is not a game, this is a club, and Frasier broke the rules! Frasier: Technically, I- Martin: Hold it! (To Niles) Well, then you write a new rule so that Frasier can come back. Frasier: First, I want an apology- Martin: I said zip it! Niles: He did, I heard him! Martin: Don't get smart! Now, are you gonna let your brother play? Niles: Dad- Martin: Are you gonna let your brother play? Niles: Why- Martin: Are you gonna let your brother play? Niles: I- Martin: Are you gonna let your brother play? Niles: (Gives in) Fine. Martin: Am I gonna have any more trouble between you two? Frasier/Niles: (Humbly) No. Martin: No, what? Frasier/Niles: No, sir. Martin: Good. Now shake hands. (They do) That's more like it. Now if you don't mind, I've got a big plate of Gewürzplatzchen waiting for me at home with my name on it. (Leaves) Niles: Uh, well, [chuckles] let's get back to the wine, shall we? Reynolds: You got yelled at by your dad. (All the members laugh) Niles: Well, be that as it may- Endicott: Zip it! (Everyone laughs louder) Daphne Returns [8.19] In the midst of the argument Niles: I can't read minds, you know. And by the way, neither can you! Daphne: Are you saying you don't think I'm psychic?! Niles: Not if you thought I loved your cooking! Daphne: Well, I'm sorry it's not that hoity-toity crap you eat! Niles: What does that mean? You, you think I'm pretentious? Daphne: You'd eat a worm if I gave it a French name! Niles: Well fine! If that's the way you feel, maybe I'll just have dinner by myself! (Storms out of the apartment) Daphne: Well, good! It'll spare you the hell that's my cooking! (Heads back for her room) Niles: (Hurries back in through the door, Daphne turns back) I am so sorry! I love you so much! (Runs into Daphne's arms, they embrace) I didn't mean any of those things! Daphne: Yes you did. And I did too. You’re a pretentious snob, with your wine and your opera. Niles: YOU NEVER GIVE OPERA A CHANCE! You're too judgmental. Daphne: And you're a clean freak. Niles: Well...I hate your unicorn collection. Daphne: And I hate that your closet is bigger than mine! Niles: Well...you're too tall! Daphne: You're too short. (They kiss passionately) The Wizard and Roz [8.20] Dr. Tewksbury has been observing Niles and Daphne in Café Nervosa. Roz explains Daphne's belief that she is psychic Tewksbury: Well, no matter who's right or wrong, Niles needs to set up stricter boundaries with his patients. I learned that from years of practice. Roz: No, she's not his patient; she's his girlfriend. Tewkesbury: Oh well, in that case, no matter who's right or wrong, he's wrong. I learned that from years of marriage. At the last minute, Niles changes his mind and asks not to be given the results of the test Daphne: Sorry, Dr. Morey. We've wasted your time. Morey: It's OK. Eddie told me a couple of funny jokes while we were waiting. Niles and Daphne look taken aback Morey: I'm kidding!...They weren't that funny. A Passing Fancy [8.22] Frasier has just introduced Kirby to Roz Kirby: She has gotta be pretty distracting around the office, huh? Frasier: Well, yes, sometimes, but she's union, so you put up with it. Frasier thinks of a way to persuade Roz to help him out Kirby: So, how you gonna get her to go with me? Frasier: Oh, you just leave that up to me and Mr. Bruce Springsteen. Kirby: The Boss! Frasier: No, Bruce Springsteen. A Day in May [8.23] Niles: I'd hardly call this a dog park. (looks around) It's more like a dog...orgy. Whose beagles are those? Daphne: Don't stare. It only encourages them. Cranes Go Caribbean [8.24] Frasier: Niles, I'm sorry. It turns out Claire and I are going to Belize after all. You and Daphne will have to go some place else. Niles: Wait. Daphne has her heart set to Belize. Frasier: Niles, this is not Cranes Go Caribbean! I want to be alone with Claire. Frasier has had a car accident because of Lana and will miss his flight Frasier: At least whoever gets my seat on the plane will be happy. Category:Frasier seasons