Zoey 101 (season 1)

Season 1 2 3 4 | Main The following is a list of quotes from the first season Zoey 101. It was aired between January 9 to May 1, 2005. Welcome To PCA Zoey: How many of you have ever played on a basketball team before? (A few raise their hands) Zoey: How many of you would say you're good at basketball? Quinn: Um, I once made a basketball explode! Zoey: (to Chase after he throws an old sandwich out the window) My hero. Dana: Just pass me the ball whenever you can, and stay out of my way! Nicole: Works for me. Nicole: Excuse me, have you noticed that she's the only girl on our team who can play this game? Coach: I think everyone here has noticed it. Nicole: But that's my stuff! (Dana glares at her) That I'll be moving. Chase: Better be going. Oh, and be careful. Zoey: Why be careful? Chase: Well, it's the first day at school. Lots of kids like to pull pranks. Zoey: Like hanging your bike from a tree? Chase: Huh? Oh man. PUT THAT DOWN, YOU LITTLE FREAKS!! I gotta go. Later. Zoey: Later. Chase: Oh, and I forgot to say, "Welcome to PCA". Zoey: Go save your bike. Chase: Right. Zoey: Ok, Logan, tell ya what. I'll round up my best five girls and you round up your best five guys. And we'll see whose better at basketball. Logan: You serious? Nicole: Zoey! Zoey: I'm serious. Logan: Good. This Friday? Zoey: Why not? Logan: Then, you're on! Zoey: Good! Michael: Plus, we heard you guys got pizza. Chase: And cake. Zoey: Oh, so you guys just want pizza. Chase: And cake! Logan: Here's a little tip: Try to make the balls go in the basket. Zoey: And here's a tip for you: Try to make words not come out of your mouth! Dana: Can I play? Zoey: Um, we kind of already have a full team. Quinn: Bye! Zoey: I guess you're in. Nicole: You're the only girl on our team that can play this game. The rest of us are "suckish" Quinn: Is "Suckish" a word? Logan: Hope you girls have learned your lesson! Coach: I sure have. How would you two girls like to be on the basketball team? Dustin: Psst, Zoey, psst! Zoey: Dustin? Dustin: Good Luck! But I can't root for you. Zoey: Why not? Dustin: Because the guys said if I root for the girls, they'll shave off my eyebrows! Zoey: Don't let them scare you! Dustin: Too late, I'm way past scared. Anyway, good luck! Nicole: (about the urinal) Why is it here? Zoey: Because this used to be a boy's dorm. Nicole: Well, it creeps me out. Zoey: You act like it's the first time you've seen one of these things. Nicole: Oh, please, I wasn't born yesterday. I know about boy stuff. So, how do they sit on it? Chase: (points to Jim)...Jim Zoey: That's the gym? Chase: Oh, no, that's my bud, Jim. Hey Jim! Zoey: 'Sup Jim! I like Jim. Chase: Jim's good people. Nicole: You are a wizard with scissors. I'm going to call you the Scissor Wizard! Zoey: No, you're not. Nicole: Okay. Zoey: You play sports? Nicole: Is shopping a sport? Zoey: No. Nicole: Then, no. Chase: what’s the matter Logan, you got a problem with girls? Logan: No, they’d make cute cheerleaders though Zoey: Okay, Logan New Roomies Dana: It's my bed. Nicole: It's my head. Zoey: Stop it. You know what, Dana? You are a slob, and Nicole, it is rude of you to use a stupid hair dryer when people need quiet! Dana':Well 'Nicole:Well Dana':The perfect roomate has spoken Zoey: I didn't say i was perfect Dana: Good cause you annoy us too sometimes Zoey: Yeah like how? Dana: You always forget your key Nicole: Yes Zoey: So Dana: So its anoying to have to let you in all the time. I'm zoey i forgot my key Nicole: I'm Zoey I locked my self out please let me in Zoey: Okay, since I'm such a horrible roomate, then maybe I should move out! Michael: Save me! Chase: From what? Michael: (Points to Quinn) From that! Zoey: Maybe you could hang out with me and my roommates sometime! Quinn: Aren't they the ones always fighting? Chase: Do girls like fooseball? Because if you don't like fooseball, we could knit or something . . . Zoey: (laughs) I like fooseball. Chase: Yeah, Fooseball's cool. Zoey: (to Nicole and Dana) What? I can't brush my teeth for 5 minutes without you two trying to bludgeon each other? Nicole: We have to be at class by 8! Dana: Yeah, which is why I set my alarm clock for 7:55!!! Quinn: It's one of my Quinnventions. You see, my name is Quinn and I invent things . . . so I call them "Quinnventions." Zoey: Oh, that's very . . . "Quinnteresting"! Zoey: Naw, they don't want me back. Guess I'm stuck with Quinn and her "Quinnventions." Chase: "Quinnventions"? Zoey (About Quinn) Yeah. She combined her name with the word "Inventions." Chase: Ah! So she's... "Quinnsane"! Michael: 'Sup Chase? Chase: Oh! Hey! (attempts to hide rose he is carrying behind his back)Michael: Whose the rose for? Chase: Oh, this? Oh, you caught me . . . it's for you. Michael: That's nice, man, but how about you give it to Zoey instead? Chase: That's an idea!! Chase: Look, don't tell Logan. Zoey: So, you want to see if my food is happy? Quinn: Happy, sad, angry, frightened... Chase: I'm frightened! Zoey: Quinn happens to be the perfect roommate! Quinn: Zoey, I'm about to iron my underwear. Want me to do yours? Zoey: I don't iron my underwear. Quinn: Whatever. Dana: Yeah, she's a good one! Zoey: At least we don't fight all the time! Dana: Neither do we. Nicole: Yeah, since you moved out, we've been getting along great. Dana: (puts arm around Nicole) Yeah, best friends! Zoey: That's good for you. Bye! Dana: (Zoey leaves) Don't ever touch me again! Nicole: Slob! Dana: Jerk! Nicole: UGHH!!! Zoey: Sorry. I only get 15. And I gotta live. Dustin: What about you? Chase: Sorry, kid. If I had money I'd lend it to myself, which I don't...So, I'm outta luck, and so are you! Dustin: What did he say? Zoey: No! Webcam Nicole: Hey, Quinn, you wanna play confess or stress with us? Quinn: How do you play? Zoey: Okay, so you roll the dice... Quinn: Yeah... Dana: And if you land on an even number, you have to confess to something really embarrassing... Nicole: And if you roll an odd number, you have to do something stressful. Quinn: Like eat a poisonous bug? Zoey: Stressful... not lethal. Logan: 'Sup ladies! Zoey: We were just talking about you. Logan: Can't blame you. Zoey: You're working with Logan now? Chase: Well, I'm working, he seems to be watching. Logan: I'm training you, so you can learn to make deliveries on your own. Zoey: Good. Now, that we know you're not delivering anymore, we'll order more often! Quinn: Logan's such a jerk. Nicole: A very cute jerk. Zoey: (on cell phone in phony Southern accent) Excuse me, sir, I'm calling about the mustard you ordered. Mr. Callahan: Um, I didn't order any mustard. Zoey: Yes, you did, you ordered nine thousand jars of mustard. Mr. Callahan: Who could eat that much mustard? Zoey: That's none of my business! So, what time would you like me to drop off the mustard? Mr. Callahan: But I don't even like mustard! Zoey: Then, why'd you order so much? Mr. Callahan: I didn't... Zoey: Why would I spread rumors about myself? Nicole: To trick us! Zoey: Nicole! Chase: Hey, Kazu! Kazu: You're late! Chase: I'm 10 minutes early! Kazu: No back sass! Chase: Okay... just put the knife down! Quinn: (scans bear) That jerk! Zoey: What? Quinn: Let's go!(Nicole, Quinn, and Zoey go back to Zoey's dorm)Zoey: Well? Quinn: That bear is broadcasting both audio and visual transmissions via broadband wavelengths to a remote digital receiver! Nicole: I knew it! What does that mean? Zoey: In English? Quinn: There's a webcam in that bear! Nicole: I knew it! Wait, I still don't know what that means. Zoey: Did you have anything to do with it? Chase: Uh, come in? Zoey: Did you put a camera in a bear? Chase: I don't think so, seeing as I don't have a camera... or a bear. Zoey: Chase. Chase: Will you just tell me what's going on here? Zoey: That bear you and Logan gave us, it's got a webcam in it. Chase: What?! Zoey: Don't act like you don't know. Chase: I'm not acting. Zoey. Zoey: Where's Logan's computer? Chase: Over there. Zoey: Hey, sushi's here! Nicole: Thanks, Chase, we love the free sushi! Chase: Look, girls, I don't know if I can keep hooking you up with all this free sushi. I think my boss is starting to get a little suspicious. Zoey: Kazu? Chase: Yeah, so listen, if anybody asks, just say... Kazu: Aha! I knew it! Chase: Kazu! Kazu: You've been stealing all my sushi and giving it to these girls! Chase: Uh, no, no, that's... that's not true. Kazu: Yes, it is! I'm going to tell the Dean. And then you will be... And then you will be... Zoey: Quinn, next card! Kazu: Expelled! You will be expelled! Chase: Expelled?! Kazu: You're going to prison! Nicole: No!(Zoey hits him on the head with a vase)Zoey: I'm sorry, I panicked! Chase: He's out cold. Zoey: Oh, no, now, we're all gonna get expelled! Chase: No, nobody's getting expelled! Nicole: But he's gonna wake up eventually and tell the Dean what happened! Chase: Yes, that's why we have to get rid of him! Zoey: Let's tie him up and shove him in the closet! Chase: Right! Then, late tonight, when everyone's asleep, we hot wire his car, and put Kazu in the trunk! Zoey: We'll drive him... to Mexico! Logan: Did she say, "Mexico"? Michael: Si! Nicole: But what if the Dean finds out? Zoey: She has a point. Chase: Hey... he didn't see who hit him! Zoey: Right! We'll blame it all on... on... Logan! Logan: Me?! Chase: Okay! We'll blame the whole thing on Logan! Stealing the sushi, knocking out Kazu, everything! Logan: They're gonna blame everything on me! Michael: I heard. Zoey: Okay, quick, let's tie up Kazu and shove him in the closet. Nicole: I got the duct tape! Logan: I gotta do something! Michael: Ok, you go get the Dean. Logan: I'm not gonna let Chase and those crazy girls frame me. Michael: You go get em, man. Logan: Kazu, I can explain. Kazu: So can I, you're fired! (chuckles) I feel like Donald Trump. Logan: But, you got whacked in the head with a vase. Kazu: What? Defending Dustin Chase: You gotta hide Elvis. Nicole: Who's Elvis? Chase: Our dog! Zoey: Doesn't PCA have a rule against pets? Chase: Yeah, that's why we've been hiding him in our room. Michael: But our DA smelled a dog! Chase: DA, short for Dorm Adviser. Zoey: I know. Chase: OK...that's short for okay Zoey: Stop it! Michael: Well, anyway, our DA's getting all suspicious. Chase: (To Zoey) Everyone gets hurt sometimes. You've never been hurt? Zoey: No, not by a big, dumb bully. Chase: Well, then, maybe it's time. (he starts giving her noogies) Oh, yeah, that's right. She's in trouble now, give me your lunch money. Zoey: Quit it! Chase: Give me your lunch money or I'll.... (Zoey bites his arm) Oww, did you bite me? Zoey: Maybe. Chase: Oh, it's on. Chase: You're fast! Zoey: Maybe you're just slow. Chase: Harsh. Herb: Close the door and sit down. I am very upset with you, Mr. Finch. Keith: You're not the principal. Herb: No back sass! Keith: Who are you? Herb: I happen to be the Dean of Discipline. Keith: Dean of-- Herb: Stop speaking! Keith: OK. Herb: I understand you've been harassing some of the younger students. Is that correct? Keith: Well, I-- Herb: Don't even think about lying! Keith: Yeah, I guess I have. Herb: You guess?! Keith: Yes! Herb: Yes what? Come on, say it, Finch. Tell me! Keith: I-I-I pick on people. Herb: You mean you used to? Keith: Huh? Herb: If I ever hear of you bothering any student on the PCA campus, especially younger ones, I'll expel you faster then pigtails on a giraffe! Do you understand me?!?! Keith: Yes, sir, except for the giraffe part. Herb: Get out! Keith: Yes sir! Zoey: Herb, you were great! Chase: Yeah, I was outside and you had me shaking! Herb: Really, I was good! Zoey: Are you kidding me? Chase: That was the best acting any janitor has ever done! Herb: Now if you'll excuse me there is a clogged toilet in the gym calling my name. Prank Week Chase: You know what I'm saying? Michael: You don't even know what you're saying! Zoey: Chase, thank you so much! Chase: It’s okay, but, actually, it wasn’t me. Zoey: Michael? Michael: Not me. Zoey: Then who was it? (Chase and Michael point to Logan) Logan? Why would you want to keep me at PCA? Logan: If you weren't around, who else would I pick on? Dean Rivers: I'm not going to ask you again. Who did this? Chase: Technically, sir, you did just ask again. Dean Rivers: Chase! Chase: Sorry. Nicole: (crying) But this is the best school ever! They have a pool, cute boys, a beach across the street, and cute boys! Zoey: I bet there are cute boys back in your school in Kansas. Nicole: No, they're all dumb and gross. Zoey: Hey, Quinn, did you hear the news? This is our last semester here. Quinn: Can't talk. Plotting revenge. Nicole: I'm going to miss her freakish ways. (cries again)Zoey: Aw, it's a bunny with a PCA shirt on! Logan: Chase picked it out. Chase: Why do you tell people? Logan: Do girls know anything? Dana: I know how to make you cry. Logan: What are you gonna do? Kiss me? Dana: You wish! Logan: Yeah I do! (laughs)Mr. Bradford: All right. Just stop my daddy from peeing and no one gets expelled. Jet X Mr. Savage: Do you know what this is? Chase: Some kind of scooter? Mr. Savage: (Buzzing noise) Wrong! Chase: Sorry. Quinn: Where's the off button on this? Dana: Uh, I don´t know. You're the geek. Quinn: True. Zoey: (on the phone to Chase) Chase, you rock! Chase: (to Michael) I rock! Michael: You´re OK. Nicole: You're just jealous because my dad owns a juice company! Dana: What?! Zoey: What?! Nicole: I didn't know what to say! Zoey: Well, tell him money doesn't give him the right to push people around. Chase: I did. Zoey: And? Chase: He gave me 50 bucks to shut up. Mr. Bender: Okay! Shut up. So, why are you guys fighting? Chase: Uh... Uh... he said... he said I have bushy hair! Mr. Bender: Now, Chase, your hair is unusually bushy. And Michael, the bushiness of his hair is none of your business. Logan: Or I could give you a ride, maybe we could go to the beach and make out a little. Zoey: You know, I would, but it's so hard for a girl to kiss a guy while she's vomiting. Chase: It's true. It happened to me once. The Play Logan: (to Chase) Why do you waste your time with the drama club? Why don't you go out for football or something? Chase: Because the drama club's loaded with hot girls. And I've seen the football team. They're not hot. Michael: I don't know. Dave, the quarterback, is a pretty handsome dude. (Chase and Logan give him weird looks) I've said too much.(Dustin knocks on Zoey's door)Dustin: Hey, is Zoey here? Dana: No. Dustin: Well, do you know where she is? Dana: Nope. Dustin: 'Cuz I think I'm sick, and I was wondering if...(Dana shuts the door in his face)Michael: Calm down. Let me ask you this, it's your play right? Chase: Yeah, so? Michael: So, if it's bothering you so much, then change it. Chase: Change it? Michael: Write a different ending. Chase: I can get rid of the kiss! Michael, you, my friend, are a genius in short pants! (runs off)Michael: I have my moments. Mr. Fletcher: Kill? Kill?! Chase: Yeah, see, it's actually supposed to say, "Zorka leans in to kill the lifeguard." Not kiss. It was just a complete typo. I'm always mixing up my S's and L's. Like one time I tried to write "Sassafras". I wrote "Lallafral"! Dustin: (to Quinn) Why are you taking off my shoes? Quinn: I'm going to cure you by applying proton impulses to the soles of your feet. Dustin: Can I please leave? Quinn: No... Ready? Dustin: No. (Quinn fires her proton device at Dustin's feet) Ah! That tickles. (Quinn stops the proton device)Quinn: Do you feel better? Dustin: No! Quinn: I'll adjust the proton saturation. Dustin: Huh? (Quinn fires her proton device at Dustin's feet) It's not making me better! Nicole: He really is awesome? Chase: (sarcastically) Yeah, Logan's fantastic, just fantastic. Isn't he fantastic? Zoey: I don't see why you have to pick on him all the time. Logan's not such a bad guy. Nicole: Ooh. She's starting to like him. Dana: Ya think? Chase: What?! That's insane! It's insane, right Zoey? Zoey: Yeah, I mean... Chase: You mean what? Zoey: I don't know. Maybe, I do like him... Chase: Okay. I got to go. Zoey: Where are you going? Chase: To take a bath. What difference does it make? Quinn's Date Chase: I wonder who invented the meatball. Zoey: What do you mean invented? Chase: Well, some guy back in the fifteenth century must have said, "Yes, meat is good, but it would be even better in ball form. And thus the meatball was born". Zoey: (About Mark) Go talk to him. Quinn: Oh, I dunno. I'm not very good at talking to guys. Zoey: It's easy. It's just like talking to girls, but you gotta use smaller words. Quinn: Okay, so, what do I do? Zoey: Just pretend Chase is a guy. Chase: Uh, thanks. Quinn: Did you know that female spiders eat their children? Chase: Huh? Quinn: Spiders aren't insects! They're arachnids! Did you know that elephant urine smells like licorice? Chase: Oh, my God. Quinn: Tell me about your first rash. Chase: Zoey. Zoey: Quinn. Quinn: I'm curious. I have an extra toe. Wanna see? Chase: MAKE IT STOP! Quinn: Don't you guys want to see my extra toe? Zoey, Nicole, Dana & Chase: No! Quinn: Hi, Mark. Mark: Oh, hey, Clint. Chase: Quinn. Quinn: Did you say, "Clint"? Chase: He said, "Quinn." Mark I said, "Clint." Quinn: Who's Clint? Chase: He meant, "Quinn". Zoey: My friend, Quinn thinks you're cute and wants to go out with you. Will ya? Mark: No. Zoey: Come on! She's pretty and she's right over there. Mark: (Looks at Quinn) No. Quinn: What did he say? Please, say he said, "Yes". I would be the happiest person in the world if he said, "Yes", tell me he said, "Yes", please. Zoey: Ummm.. he said, "YES". Dana: What's your problem? Zoey: Remember when I said "Mark said yes". He said, "NO". Nicole: NO!!! Zoey: YES. Nicole: YES. Nicole: Yes, wait I'm confused. Dana: Did he say "Yes" or "No"? Zoey: He said, "No". Dana: No, then why did you tell her he said, "Yes". Zoey: Because I panicked. Dana: You'd better go tell her the truth before she finds out. Zoey: I can't. It'll break her heart. Her weird little heart. Courtney: Mark! You're on a date with HER? Mark: No! I'm... on a date with Chase! Chase: Um, it's true. We had a picnic. Zoey: Sparkling juices and everything, I saw it all. Courtney: Yeah, nice try. I can't believe you did this to me, Mark! We are done! Oh-ver! Mark: Courtney. Quinn: Mark, I can't believe you dated me when you already have a girlfriend! Mark: (confused) Who dated you? Quinn: You may have movie star good looks, but I don't care about you any more! Good day, Mark! Mark: But... Quinn: I said "Good day"! Spring Fling Chase: No more "Grass"! I can't take it!! TV: Coming up next... "Weeds". Announcer: And now back to "Grass: Nature's Carpet!" Nicole: Okay, why are we watching this? Dustin: I hate this experiment! Quinn: I heard that! Dustin: GOOD! Nicole: Are you sure people are going to pay money to smash a watermelon with a bat? Zoey: Of course, boys love to smash things. Michael: It's true! Chase: We do enjoy the smashing! Dana: Tell that to Mr. Bermin when he sees what we've done to his baby. Nicole: What do you think he'll say? Zoey: He'll probably start with, "Give me my four-thousand dollars back!" Dustin: Is it true? Zoey: What? Dustin: That you're going to get Drake Bell to perform at Spring Fling? Dana: Sorry, but Drake's not coming. Dustin: How come? Nicole: His manager wants 5000 bucks. Dustin: So get it. Dana: (sarcastically) Sure, we can just get it from the 5000 dollar store. Chase: (to Drake) Hey, you're Drake Bell! Drake: Yes, I am. Chase: Hey, it's him! Michael: You're you! Drake: I'm me. Manager: (to Drake) You are. Backpack Michael: (Talking in code) Zoey, the rabbit's in the hole! Zoey: Huh? What rabbit? Michael: [sighs] Stacey's at the store and the deal's goin' down! [mumbling to himself] And ya try to be cool. Chase: Massage my shoulders. Michael: Are you out of your mind? Chase: Come on, I hurt! Friends don't let other friends hurt. Michael: Well, these headphones are hurting my ears! What? You wanna massage my ear hole? Chase: (Giving Michael a quiz from a Teen Girl magazine) Your best friend borrows your lipgloss...without asking!Michael: (gasp)Chase: What do you do? A, find a new best friend. B, push her down a flight of stairs, or C... Zoey: What? It doesn't say that! Chase: Well, yeah, but I think it should definitely be an option! Michael: I pick B, down the stairs she goes! Chase:(about new jukebox) Yep, that's definitely juketastic! (Zoey gives Chase weird look. A few seconds later)Michael: (about new jukebox) Man, that's juketastic! Disc Golf Coach Phelps: All right. Mr. Matthews, you just bought yourself another lap. Chase: Can I return it? Nicole: Just give me a minute. Coach Phelps: What's she doing? Zoey: Making oatmeal. Nicole: (pukes) School Dance Mr. Bender: [after hearing Zoey's computer IM alarm ring] Read the message. Zoey: [reading] "Hey, Zo, do you think Mr. Bender knows his zipper's down?" Nicole: [answering a personality quiz] "What is your favorite activity?" Meeting cute guys. Next question: "What is your number-one pet peeve?" Not meeting cute guys. Little Beach Party Dana: You got a signal? Michael: No, only sand in my butt! Zoey: (to Logan) Are you sure you gave the taxi driver the right directions? Logan: Mystic Beach is exactly 57 miles north of PCA. Dustin: No, Mystic Beach is south'' of PCA!Zoey: Dustin, are you sure?Dustin: Who are you going to trust: me or pretty boy?Dustin: Will you tell me where babies come from?Zoey''': Absolutely not. External links Category:Zoey 101 seasons Category:American television seasons