Kronk's New Groove

Kronk's New Groove (also known as The Emperor's New Groove 2: Kronk's New Groove) is a 2005 American direct-to-video animated musical comedy film animated by Toon City Animation and released by Walt Disney Home Entertainment on December 13, 2005. The film is the sequel and spin-off to the 2000 animated film The Emperor's New Groove. Kuzco So, right about now, you're probably wondering, "Hey, where's that emperor guy?" Wella-wella-boom, baby! Kuzco here, coming to you live from the palace. Right now, it's Kronk's turn to be in the limelight. Shut up! Whoo! Could she be crazier? Cuckoo! You see what's going on here, don't you, folks? Here's a hint. You got sewer slime, fancy packaging, crazy laugh like a demon from the bowels of the earth. It's a scam! Her potion's a fake! She's selling snake oil, people! Wake up! Oh, you saw it already, huh? Well, smarty, I bet you didn't see this! [camera zooms in on Yzma's armpit hairs] Oh, yikes! That is gonna haunt me in my nightmares. Can we just move on, please? Guy in the booth! Now! Boom, baby! Like how I weaseled myself in the movie? Nice. (Kronk: Kuzco?) How you doing, hot stuff? (Kronk: Hot stuff?) Kronk What am I gonna do? I know. I'll tunnel out of here with a spoon, escape through the sewers and live as a quiet but lonely shepherdess named Maria. That'll work. [opens the drawer but finds there are no spoons] We're out of spoons! That's it. I'm done for. You don't want to let a guy like Papi down, or you'll get one of these. The Cold Shoulder, the Frenzied Eyebrow, the Grimace of Doom, the Sneer of Despair, the Crippling Wince of Guilt, the Scowl of Impending Wrath, and worst of all, the Nostril Flare of Total Rejection. Papi didn't approve. He said if I didn't get serious, I'd never amount to anything. But nothing I ever did was good enough for him. My nightmare began on a day like any other. So, technically, I guess that would be a "daymare." But I digress. It was lunchtime, and I was making my usual deliveries around town. I always saved the best stop for last, to see my dear old friends at the Flickering Embers Home for Seniors. A happier group of folks you'd never hope to meet. A perfect example of how to grow old with grace and dignity. (Yzma: Welcome to my new secret lab! Souvenir photo?) [looking at the souvenir photo; disappointed] Rats, my eyes are closed. Dear Papi, remember how you never thought I'd amount to anything? Well, I got news for you. Good news. I finally got that big house on a hill you've always wanted me to have. It's really great. You're gonna love it. It's got all the amenities. Swimming pool, golf course… The windmill's a killer. And my favorite part of all. Pancake junction! I even built a cozy little guest wing just for you. Yep. Just a big, serious house for a big, serious guy. Like me. That's who I am. Doing good cost me my dream house. And then… (Mata: Don't tell me.) It cost me my girl. (Mata: I said, don't tell me.) These oven mitts were the last thing she touched, other than my fragile heart… Before she walked out of my life. Why?! Why is this happening?! I just don't understand. It just doesn't make any sense. Was it loop over, loop under and pull, or loop under, loop over and pull? Dear Papi, remember how I've never been able to meet the right girl? Uh, any girl? Well, I finally found the woman of my dreams. She's everything you could want in a woman and more. Don't get too excited. We'll take it nice and slow at first. And we'll get married in a fancy ceremony and have lots and lots of kids. - Love, Kronk. You see, Papi, you may look at my life and think I've got nothing, but the truth is I've got everything. Yzma Welcome to my new secret lab! Souvenir photo? (Kronk: Rats, my eyes are closed.) Follow me! (Kronk: Whoa, looks like someone's been busy.) I've finally done it, Kronk. I've created the elixir of life. The answer to everyone's prayers. Behold the fountain of youth in a bottle! [thunder crashes] Regular and diet. I need gold, Kronk! [realizes what she said; laughs evilly] I mean, you need gold. Step right up, ladies and gentlemen! It's finally arrived. The cure for everything that ails you. Yzma's Young and Beautiful! Big load of happy, coming through! Stand back! Don't make me use this! [takes out her potion] (Kronk: Your cough medicine?) No! My most fiendishly diabolical potion ever! When I drink this, you won't be able to lay a finger on me! Dialogue Chicha: Boy, the place is packed. Kronk: Yeah, never had this many friends when I was an evil henchman. Pacha: And look at you now, chef at Mudka's. Kronk: And head delivery boy! Man: [speaking fast] Delivery Boy Logo used by permission and may not be reproduced without the express written consent of Delivery Boy Logo 8675309. Kronk: I get my one-year pin next week. Mata: What's with you? Kronk: [fearfully] It's my father. He's coming for a visit! [shows her the telegram] Mata: [takes out her reading glasses; sighs as she reads] "Can't wait to meet your wife and kids and see your big house on the hill. Cordially, your father, Papi." So? Kronk: So Papi said l have to have all those things if I'm ever gonna be a success. And I once had them, but I lost them! Mata: So? Kronk: So I never told him that part. Mata: Big whoop. Tell him the truth. Kronk: What? Tell him the truth? Are you nuts? You don't let a guy like Papi down, or you'll get one of these. [takes out some pictures of Papi's disapproving expressions] The Cold Shoulder, the Frenzied Eyebrow, the Grimace of Doom, the Sneer of Despair, the Crippling Wince of Guilt, the Scowl of Impending Wrath, and worst of all, the Nostril Flare of Total Rejection. Mata: Total rejection. Right, right. Mm-hmm. Kronk: I remember it well. Too well. [fade to a flashback of his childhood; narrating] You see, I was always different growing up. Papi didn't approve. He said if I didn't get serious, I'd never amount to anything. But nothing I ever did was good enough for him. All I ever wanted was a thumbs up from Papi. [end of flashback] And I was so close. I once had a big house, on a hill. Papi would have loved it. That house was a dream come true. Ipi: Does this look like a rash to you? Topi: [looking around for his dentures] Has anybody seen my teeth? Hildy: Oy! My aching knee. Rudy: [sighs] I sure wish there was some way to stop getting old. Hildy: If only they could put youth in a bottle. [sighs] I'd pay anything for that. Ipi: Again with the youth potion. How many times do I have to tell you, there's no such thing! Hildy: But if there were... Ipi: But there's not! Hildy: I said, if! Ipi: If, schmiff! Yzma: Welcome to my new secret lab! Souvenir photo? Kronk: [disappointed] Rats, my eyes are closed. Yzma: Follow me! Kronk: Whoa, looks like someone's been busy. Yzma: I've finally done it, Kronk. I've created the elixir of life. The answer to everyone's prayers. Behold the fountain of youth in a bottle! [thunder crashes] Regular and diet. Kronk: Rudy, Yzma's youth potion is a fake. She cheated you. [Rudy looks at his reflection, realizing he's still the same. He looks at the fake potion] And I cheated you too. I'm sorry. [Rudy pats him on the shoulder, making him feel better] I guess we better go tell the others. Rudy: [gasps in realization] The others! I almost forgot! They're about to elect Yzma emperor! Kronk: I never knew that was an elective office. Crowd: Yzma for emperor! Yzma: Thank you, thank you! I'd like to thank all the little people, but what do they matter? What matters is me, me, me! And when you elect me as your new emperor, I'm going to be on top of the world! Kronk: Stop this charade! Rudy: Yzma's youth potion is a fake! Yzma: [through gritted teeth] Kronk, what are you doing?! Kronk: I want you all to look at Rudy and tell me what you see. Hildy: Whoo, that is one hot hunk of man! Kronk: [pulls down a level chart of Rudy's age] He's in his golden years. Not getting any younger. Chronologically challenged. [holds up an hourglass] Rudy: I got wrinkles, bunions, ear hair! I'm still OLD! Topo: Hey, he's right. I'm still old too! Ipi: Me too! And Hildy looks like… Hildy: Uh-uh-uh, don't even! Crowd: [outraged] Yzma's a crook! The potion doesn't work! Yzma's a witch! Yzma: [laughs nervously] Would you excuse me a moment? [runs away] Ipi: She's getting away! [The seniors have surrounded Yzma at the bridge after chasing her] Yzma: [standing on the edge of the bridge] Back off, or I'll jump! [looks down below, seeing alligators and piranhas in the ravine] Wait, that can't be right. Kronk: Okay. Why don't we all just take a step back? Not you, Yzma. [Yzma grumbles annoyingly] Rudy: She stole everything we have! Ipi: Yeah, we didn't chase her all the way down here for nothing! Nice moves back there, Hildy. Hildy: Oh! What about you? Pouncing like a wildcat. Rudy: Hey, I just realized something. We chased Yzma all the way down here. Ipi: Didn't I just cover that? Rudy: Don't you see? We're busting moves like a bunch of teenagers! Ipi: So, what you're saying is, even though the potion was fake, we're only as old we feel. Kronk: That's almost like you should (all) thank Yzma for robbing you of every last cent. [laughs; then realizes] Wait, that can't be right. Ipi: Let's get her! Yzma: Stand back! Don't make me use this! [takes out her potion] Seniors and Rudy: Ooh! Kronk: Your cough medicine? Yzma: No! My most fiendishly diabolical potion ever! When I drink this, you won't be able to lay a finger on me! [cackles evilly and then starts to choke] Ipi: GET HER! [Yzma drinks her potion and turns transforms into a cute bunny rabbit] Seniors and Rudy: Aww. How cute! She's a cutie pie! Yzma: See? I told you so. [gets grabbed by a condor and flies off far away] Kronk: That's weird. Let's all reflect on these lessons on our way home tonight. Rudy: Well, everyone, back to the alley. Kronk: You're living in an alley? Rudy: Well, sure. We sold our house to you. I got dibs on the cardboard box! Kronk: This is awful. I've got to find them a place to live. But where can I find a gigantic house with 30 extra bedrooms? Where? Think, think, think! Angel Kronk: You thinking what I'm thinking? Kronk: Too much salt in my spinach puffs? Angel Kronk: No, no! Your house! Kronk: Right! Devil Kronk: Whoa, Nelly! Let's not overreact. You wanna lose your dream house? That house is gonna get us the big thumbs up from Papi. Kronk: If I lose the house, I'll let Papi down. I can't let Papi down. Angel Kronk: But you tricked Rudy out of that house! Kronk: Oh, my! It's true! I took away Rudy's home! Devil Kronk: Hey! You got that house fair and square! Angel Kronk: Yeah, but he cheated his best friend! Devil Kronk: No, he didn't! Kronk: [grabs Devil Kronk by the throat] Yes, I did! I gotta do the right thing. [runs over to Rudy] Rudy, let's talk real estate. Tipo: Look at them. They're really snot and polish. Chaca: Yeah. It's "spit and polish." Tipo: Snot. Chaca: Spit. Tipo: Snot! Chaca: Spit! Tipo: Snot! Chaca: Spit! Tipo: Snot! Chaca: Spit! Tipo: Snot! Kronk: Whoa, whoa. Easy, kids. Spit, snot, same general neighborhood. Juryman: Troop Kronk is disqualified! [Kronk and his kids gasp in horrified shock] The aquatic competition goes to Troop Birdwell! [Birdwell's kids cheer as they win a point] Kronk: Hey, that's not fair! Miss Birdwell: You ruined the aquatic event for my poppets. Kronk: But now you've ruined it for my, uh… Tipo: [whispers] Poppets. Kronk: Poppets. I knew that. Miss Birdwell: Well then, I suppose you should've thought of that sooner. Come alone, chippers! Toodle pip. Toodle pip. Kronk: Why?! Why is this happening?! I just don't understand. It just doesn't make any sense. [trying to tie Tipo's shoelaces] Was it loop over, loop under and pull, or loop under, loop over and pull? Tipo, you okay, little pal? Tipo: We're gonna lose the trophy because of her. Miss Birdwell: He can't do this to my little chippers! Kronk: She can't do this to my little chippers. Tipo: Yeah! Kronk: That's it. Oh, that's it. The gloves are coming off. We're going mano a womano. Both: Let the games begin! Kronk: So, it all comes down to one event. Miss Birdwell: The Chipmunk cheer off! Both: There's only one thing to do. Miss Birdwell: Practice, practice, practice! Kronk: Do whatever it takes to WIN! Tipo: We can't let him down. We just gotta win that trophy for Kronk! Devil Tipo: You know what I'd do? Cheat. Angel Tipo: [gasps] What am I hearing? You can't do that! Devil Tipo: Nah-nah-nah-nah! Angel Tipo: Stop it! Stop it! Devil Tipo: Ha-ha! Crybaby, crybaby, stick your head in pie, baby! Angel Tipo: Make him stop! Make him… Devil Tipo: [puts a pacifier in his mouth to shut him up] Hey, Kronk said, "Do whatever it takes to win." Tipo: Yeah. Whatever it takes. Devil Kronk: Hey, look. Aren't those your eggs? Kronk: [reading the label on the egg carton] "Kronk's Eggs. Property of Kronk. Do not touch except for Kronk." [confronts Birdwell] Hey! What are you doing with my eggs?! Miss Birdwell: What are you doing with my raisins, sir? Kronk: These aren't your raisins. Miss Birdwell: [swipes the box out of his hand; reads the label] "Birdwell's Raisins. Property of Birdwell. Do not touch except for Birdwell." Kronk: Huh. You think I would have seen that. I need those raisins. Miss Birdwell: Well, I need them more! Kronk: Then you're ruining this for my kids! Miss Birdwell: You're wrecking it for mine! Kronk: You disqualified us! Miss Birdwell: You tried to drown us! Kronk: This is all your fault! Miss Birdwell: This is all your fault! [steps on his foot] Kronk: Is not! Miss Birdwell: Is too, you twit! Kronk: Give! Miss Birdwell: You give! Both: You! Kronk: So, your kids are really unhappy, huh? Miss Birdwell: Rock-bottom, actually. Kronk: I'm the worst troop leader ever. Miss Birdwell: I'm the worst troop leader ever. How did we go wrong? Kronk: I just became so competitive. Miss Birdwell: Yes, but I'm even more competitive than you. Kronk: You mean like that? Hey, I like it when you laugh. I've got a proposition. My eggs, your raisins. We could bake beautiful bread together. Miss Birdwell: Get out your oven mitts. Things are about to get hot. Miss Birdwell: [reading the label on the sack] "Tipo's Itching Powder. Property of Tipo. Do not touch except for…" Tipo, how could you?! I'm so disappointed. Kronk: Oh, no. What am I gonna do? Devil Kronk: Eh, let the kid take the rap. He'll do easy time. Angel Kronk: You put the idea in his head. Look at him out there. He's six. Kronk: Uh-oh, the lip. Not the lip. Devil Kronk: Don't look directly at it! You start flapping your jaw, the girl goes bye-bye. Kronk: Forever? Devil Kronk: Heartbreak City. Kronk: No. Angel Kronk: So you're just gonna weasel out while they send Tipo off to the big house? Devil Kronk: You forgetting something? [holds up the drawing of Papi with the thumbs-up in front of his face] You want this, you need that. Miss Birdwell: You could have hurt somebody. I cannot believe that you would disgrace the Chipmunk name in this manner! Kronk: But Tipo needs me. Let him go! It's all my fault. Miss Birdwell: [gasps in shock] Kronky-poo, you told Tipo to cheat? Kronk: I told him, "do whatever it takes to win." Wait! It was all a big mistake. Miss Birdwell: I'll say it was. The biggest mistake of my life! I thought I could trust you. Kronk: But Miss Birdy-poo... Miss Birdwell: Don't ever call me that again! On second thought, don't call me ever! Kronk: She's gone. And all I have to remember her by are these. Now I've got nothing. Mata: No, what you've got is a full house on fondue night. Now give me one Havarti party pot two blue cheese bombs and a cracker cheddar surprise. Stat! Kronk: How can you think of fondue at a time like this? Mata: Look, you made the right choice. You saved the kid. Kronk: But I lost the girl. Now I'm a two-time loser, and my father's gonna be here any minute. Mata: More like any second. Kronk: Ah! What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? Mata: Just tell him the truth. Kronk: I can't handle the truth! Where am I going to find a wife and kids and house on a hill? Pacha: Hey, Kronk, How's dinner coming? I gotta get the wife and kids back to our house on the hill. You wanna borrow my house? Chicha: And me? Kronk: And them, if it's not too much trouble. Chicha: Kronk, you should be ashamed of yourself. Kronk: Trust me, I am, but not as much as I'd be if Papi finds out I'm a failure, he's gonna come at me with everything. [quickly] The Cold Shoulder, the Frenzied Eyebrow, the Grimace of Doom, the Sneer of Despair, the Crippling Wince of Guilt, the Scowl of Impending Wrath, and worst of all, the Nostril Flare of Total Rejection. Tipo: What's wrong with Kronk? Angel Tipo: Duh. You made him look like a big fat liar in front of Miss Birdwell. Devil Tipo: Hey, don't guilt-trip the kid! It's not his fault. Tipo: No, he's right. I've got to help him. Pacha: [to his wife] Now come on, Chicha, he's our friend. Chicha: Pacha. Pacha: You saw the Nostril Flare of Total Rejection. We have to do something before his father gets here. Chaca: Too late, he's here. Kronk: [cooking in a rush] Stoke the fire. Stir the fondue. Chop the onions, lie to Papi. [bolts out of the kitchen] Machu Picchu! Rudy: [approaching him in his Mrs. Kronk disguise] Kronky-wonky! [jumps into his hands] Kronk: Rudy! Papi: Who is this? Rudy: Why, I'm the lovely Mrs. Kronk. Papi: Kronker! Kronk: Right, I'll go check on dinner. [drops Rudy and dashes into the kitchen] Rudy: [annoyingly enters the kitchen] Hey, is that any way to treat the lovely Mrs. Kronk? Chicha: I thought I was the lovely Mrs. Kronk. Rudy: Look at us. Putting on dresses. Pretending to be women. Pacha: [enters the kitchen] Kronk, what are you doing?! Kronk: Dinner rush. I've got four specials and I've got a party of ten coming at 8:30. Rudy, Chicha, and Pacha: Kronk! Papi: Kronk? [Kronk screams and runs back into the kitchen] Kronk! [follows him] Let me get this straight. She's Mrs. Kronk, and she's Mrs. Kronk? [gesturing to Chicha and Rudy in disguise] Kronk: Papi, I can explain. Girl: I'm the lovely Mrs. Kronk. Boy: Ow. You're stepping on my face. Kronk: Or maybe not. Papi: Is there anyone in this town who isn't Mrs. Kronk? Ipi, Hildy, and Topo: Daddy! Kronk: How about them? Papi: Who are they? Ipi, Hildy, and Topo: We're Kronk's adorable kids! Kronk: Oh! Pacha, Papi, Rudy, and Chicha: Kronk! Marge and Tina: Sweetheart! Kronk: Tina?! Marge?! Marge: Marge. Tina: Tina. Mata: Oy. Papi: Kronk! Kronk: Well, at least that's everybody. Kuzco: Boom, baby! Like how I weaseled myself in the movie? Nice. Kronk: Kuzco? Kuzco: How you doing, hot stuff? Kronk: [horrified] Hot stuff?! [turns to the viewers and holds up a sign reading: "Uh-oh", realizing he left the cheese fondue boiling; dashes to the kitchen in a scream of panic… until it was too late, and the cheese explodes all over the restaurant] Papi: [covered in cheese; incredibly infuriated] <big><big>KRONKER!!!</big></big> Kronk: [narrating] So this is right about where we started. Miserable. Covered in cheese. Trying to hold on to a big fat lie! Kronk: Papi, I have a confession. I'm not who you think I am. I'm just a humble fry cook. And head delivery boy. That's not all. Chicha's not my wife. None of these folks are my wives. And these aren't my kids. Not even the ones who really are kids. Yeah, and that big house up on the hill, that's not mine either. And Pachita not even a woman. [Pacha takes off his woman's hat disguise] I lied to you, Papi. I just wanted you to be proud of me. I just wanted to get one of these. [holds up a thumbs up] But all I ever got from you was… [Papi flashes a disapproving scowl on his face] Yeah, that. I'm a failure. The truth is I've got nothing. Chaca: [walks up to him] But Kronk, you've got us. Kronk: And I wouldn't trade you guys for anything. Papi: Well, that would explain why you don't have anything. Rudy: For your information, Kronk used to have a big house. Ipi: On a hill. Topo: But he gave it away to us old folks. Chaca: And he had a girlfriend too. They baked us raisin bread. Mata: He gave up all those things to protect his friends. Kronk: You were actually listening to my stories? Mata: I was weeping on the inside. Kronk: Wait a second. I really wouldn't trade you guys for anything. Not even for a thumbs up. You see, Papi, you may look at my life and think I've got nothing, but the truth is… I've got everything. Papi: Not yet, you don't. [gives his son a thumbs up and smiles] I'm proud of you, son. Papi: Well, you know what this means, if they're finishing each other's sentences… Mata: Then it must be true love. Yzma: [sarcastically; last words] Oh, how cute. Taglines You've got to be true to your groove. Walt Disney Pictures presents Kronk's New Groove The groove is on the move. See also The Emperor's New Groove The Emperor's New School External links 0401398 Category:2005 American animated films Category:Films directed by Elliot M. Bour Category:Films directed by Saul Andrew Blinkoff Category:Traditionally animated films Category:American animated films Category:Disney direct-to-video animated films Category:Films about witchcraft Category:The Emperor's New Groove Category:2005 English-language films