The Gentlemen: Season 1

The Gentlemen (2024-2026) is an American-British crime drama series created by Guy Ritchie about British nobility that gets involved in the London and Liverpool organized crime underworld that is produced and streamed by Netflix. "Refined Aggression" [1.01] Mr. Lawrence: Welcome home, sir. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Did you miss me, Mr. Lawrence? Mr. Lawrence: Terribly. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [meeting in foyer] Hello, Freddy. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: [holds out arms for hug] Eddie. Edwina, Eduardo, you made it. Come to me. Well done, darling boy. Well done. Let’s hug it out. Bring it in. Hug it out. There we go. [grunts] Good to see you. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: How is he? Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: [sighs] Shit, mate, to be honest. Yeah. [referring to their father] His goose is cooked man. Doc says tonight. Tomorrow morning maybe... Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Hmm. What about you? How you doing? Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: To be honest, I’ve got absolutely no idea. I mean, I’m really just, you know... [exhales] Edward "Eddie" Horniman: How’s Mum? Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Yeah, she’s the one we need to keep an eye on. Pretty sure she’s been dipping her beak in Dad’s meds. She’s got eyes like fucking... hubcaps. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [pats Freddy on back] Right. Let’s keep it together. Okay. ... Archibald Horatio Horniman: [on death bed to Eddie] Of course, by that time, he’s three sheets to the wind, stark-bollock naked. He’d just forgotten he was in the Upper Chamber. The first Duke of Halstead was tough was tough as iron. Built this place himself. Every stone of it. Single-handed... Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Dad... Archibald Horatio Horniman: [Eddie holds his hand] Pinched the stone from the old monastery. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: It's me, Edward. Archibald Horniman: Why'd you turn back on us, my boy? DO you think it's brave to go swanning off playing tough-tough with your friends? It's not. The estate is not to be carved upǃ Is that clear? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Don't worry about that. Just get some rest. Archibald Horatio Horniman: And look after your brotherǃ He won't survive without youǃ You understand? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I understand, Dad. Archibald Horatio Horniman: The third duke, mean old bastard, killed 15 Frenchman before lunch. He was getting himself ready to fight a duel. He shot his own foot offǃ Haǃ Silly cuntǃ [coughs and chokes] Lady Charlotte "Charly" Horniman: [links arms with Eddie and walks with him after father's funeral] This estate has been in the family for over 600 years, and Freddy's gonna... the lost by Christmas. We should do something about it, Edward. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Hmm. If Dad left it to you, you'd spend it all rewilding bears in Berkshire. Lady Charlotte "Charly" Horniman: What's wrong with bears? I like bears. They leave no carbon footprint, and they were here before us. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Yes, and they'll fucking eat you. Anyway, it's irrelevant. The entire estate gets handed down to the firstborn son. Freddy's the heir and I'm the spare. Lady Charlotte "Charly" Horniman: Maybe we should topple him together. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Hmm. Now there's an idea. Ahmed Iqbal: Right. Is everyone ready? Freddy Horniman: Hmm. Let’s get it over with. Let’s get it over with. Ahmed Iqbal: Then I’ll begin. “I, Archibald Horatio Landrover Horniman, the 12th Duke of Halstead, being of sound mind do make, publish, and declare this to be my last will and testament. To Geoffrey Seacombe, in acknowledgement of his years of faithful service, I leave a lifetime tenancy on the gatekeeper’s cottage. To my wife, Sabrina, for her loyalty and faithfulness throughout our many happy years together, I leave an annual allowance that the new duke shall bestow at his discretion and my beloved Labrador, Luna. To my daughter, Charlotte, I leave the Endurance, with the condition that she sail around the world on her in the next six months.” Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Well done, Chuckles. Ahmed Iqbal: As well, a trust fund of £1,000 a week until she marries a man. Lady Charlotte "Charly" Horniman: Wow. [Freddy laughs] Ahmed Iqbal: In terms of the rest of my estate, including my title, the house and grounds, the extensive wine cellar, the art collection, the yogurt farm and dairy, the village of Hetheringham, as well as the property in the South of France, I hereby leave to my son...” Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: [gets up] All right, um- Ahmed Iqbal: “...Edward Horniman.” Freddy Horniman: So I think, um... I was kind of thinking if everybody... I-If... Um... Sorry. A-Again for me, old chap. Ahmed Iqbal: “I leave to my son Edward Horniman.” Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry this has happened to you. There must be some sort of... It’s... He’s Edward. I’m Freddy. Sometimes they call me Fredward, and so it gets a little bit... mixed up. I think there’s some sort of mistake, unfortunatelyǃ Ahmed Iqbal: I don’t think so. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: I get it, you’re kiddingǃ You’re kidding aroundǃ Was this... This is... [points at Sabrina] Did you...?ǃ Did you arrange...?ǃ This is a joke, right?ǃ This... this is a sick jokeǃ It... I’m the eldest fucking son! It was all supposed to go to me! What... what.... what... What the fuck is this?ǃ Sabrina Horniman: No. There has to be– Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: No, no, don’t touch meǃ Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Freddy! Freddy, relaxǃ Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Don’t you start. Tamasina "Tammy" Horniman: There’s got to be some mistakeǃ Freddy Horniman: I’m the firstborn son, yeah?ǃ That means, technically, the title goes to meǃ That’s not just me saying it ’cause it’s what I wantǃ It’s... it’s the fucking lawǃ It goes back to the Bible, Old Testament, Cain and Abelǃ It’s the will of Godǃ The firstborn son gets everythingǃ It’s fucking... It’s... it’s... it’s... it’s... it’s... it’s primogenital, is what it isǃ Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Primogeniture, Freddy. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: That’s what I saidǃ You know that’s what I saidǃ [walks over and points] You’ve heard of that, haven’t you?ǃ Ahmed Iqbal: Of course. But the will is clear. The estate goes to Edward, and the title contains a special remainder that allows it to pass to the second son– Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Oh, I’m so sorry. I don’t give a good God shit what the terms of the will clearly state! [holds out paper] Here, lookǃ “The right of succession to the firstborn, legitimate male child...” Lady Charlotte "Charly" Horniman: Did you actually print that out? Sabrina Horniman: Freddy– Freddy Horniman: I don’t wanna hear from you either, Lady Macbethǃ Absolutely not, noǃ [walks over with paper] “...to inherit the parents’ entire estate.” The house, the title, fucking everything, it all goes to me! [to Ahmed] Why are you shaking your head?ǃ What are you, a cocktail?ǃ Don’t you shake your head at me! [swipes papers off desk] Meeting adjourned, Your Honorǃ Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Freddy– Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Everybody, let’s... Pack it upǃ We’ll pick it up later onǃ [walks out] Tamasina "Tammy" Horniman: No, noǃ Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: It’s overǃ You can go home, thank you very much, Mr. fucking Smithersǃ Mr. Burnsǃ No, it’s not happeningǃ It’s not happeningǃ Ha ha, good one! [Edward apologizes for Freddy's behavior to Ahmed and offers to reschedule another meeting] Sabrina Horniman: He took it badly. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: He’s coming back. Perfect. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: [walks back in] Absolutely not, noǃ No, no...ǃ I am not fucking having it! Take it up with God! Take it up with the prime minis– Take it up with the House of fucking Commons! Or take it up the arse for all I careǃ I want what is rightfully mine by divine motherfucking provenance, yeah?! [throws up papers] I’ve been stabbed in the heart! I’ve been London Bridged! I’ve been fucked in the face! Dogged on the floor! Et tu, Brute? How did you do it, Judas? All of you, a conspiracy of snakes! Freddy Horniman: [Eddie enters wine cellar] Ah. His Grace comes to gloat. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I had no idea. I’m just as surprised as you are. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Hmm. It’s not the same sort of surprise, though, is it? For the first time in 600 years, this family has broken with tradition. You fucking leapfrogged over your older brother! Tamasina "Tammy" Lady Horniman: Not very fraternal, is it, Edward? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Thank you, Wham Tam. I’ll deal with this. I’ll be up shortly. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: How do you think that makes me look, Eddie? Hm? How do you think it makes me feel? How do you think it helps me pay my fucking debts? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Debts, Freddy? Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Mm-hmm. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: What kind of debts? Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Big fucking debts. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: That sounds ominous. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Yeah, you think? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Story, Freddy. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Do you remember Pete Forbes Spencer? He was in my house at Eton. Big hair, tiny cock, sweaty hands. They called him Sticky Pete. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I remember Pete, but I don’t remember his cock. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Started making a fortune in property. People were queuing in droves to get in. I gave him one million, got 1.5 back three months later. It was un-fucking-believable. Next project, skyscraper in the Maldives. First one. First time. First come, first served. One, two, three, four million. Boshǃ Edward "Eddie" Horniman: And? Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Well, then... Edward "Eddie" Horniman: And then what, Freddy? Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Then the tits went up. The hurricane hit. The plane crashed. The lightning struck. The torpedo went Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. What do you want me to say, Eddie? It wasn’t my fault. God fucked me! Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Where did you get £4 million from, Fredward? Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Well, that came from Tommy Dixon. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Right. And who’s Tommy Dixon? Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: A chap I met in rehab. Liverpudlian chop dealer. Said he wanted to front me the money. Said he wanted “into the Maldives.” Edward "Eddie" Horniman: So, for clarity, you owe a Scouse cocaine dealer £4 million? Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: No. I owe a Scouse... crime family... John "The Gospel" Dixon: [flashback] We’re coming for you, Freddy. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: £8 million. [laughs] Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Hold on, Freddy. Four to eight. Throw me an anchor. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: I don’t know, Eddie. Criminal compound interest. Whatever, okay? They’re gangstersǃ They fucking make it up as they go along! Tommy Dixon: [to Freddy after torturing him in a freezer in flashback] All right, mate? 25% every week until the debt’s paid. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: And they’re not afraid of getting nasty when you don’t pay up on time. If I don’t come up with the money by the end of the week, they’re gonna chop my fucking dick offǃ Which is fatal, by the way. I looked it up. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I can’t give you £8 million, Freddy. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: You stole my title. You stole my money. And now you stole the only way I had of getting out of this hole that God fucking dug for me! Lest we forget, sir, you owe me your life. When you were three, I pulled you out of the duck pond, remember? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: No, I don’t remember that. But I do remember you telling me about it incessantly. Freddy Horniman: The point is, I saved your lifeǃ Now I’m the one lying face down in the water, and you have got to pull me out. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Freddy... I didn’t ask for any of this. The title has no practical value. The business is broken. There are holes in the roof. The government is greedy. The payroll is ugly. The staff are revolting. And you are a coke-sniffing cunt. However, because you’ve been passed up and you’ve been caught with your pants down... I’ll look into it for you. [opens a safe] Daddy, what have you been up to? Ahmed Iqbal: How may I help you, Your Grace? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I need to get a large amount of cash by the end of the week. Ahmed Iqbal: How much exactly? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Eight million pounds. [laughs] Ahmed Iqbal: Goodness. Jesus Christ. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Six million sterling. Ahmed Iqbal: Your inheritance has made you a very wealthy man, but that doesn’t mean to say that you’re rich. You’re asset rich, cash poor. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [inhales sharply] Tell me, how come there are no significant transactions in any of my father’s bank accounts in the last five years? Ahmed Iqbal: Your father’s personal expenditure was something we never discussed. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Right. What about bonds, stocks and shares? Ahmed Iqbal: There aren’t any. There...? There might have been matters we… didn’t address. But, of course, I couldn’t comment. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Well, that’s rather cryptic, Ahmed. Ahmed Iqbal: You could sell the Gainsborough. But to attain the ultimate value will take a number of months. There has been a... slightly unconventional approach from a lawyer based in London. His client has expressed an interest in purchasing Halstead Manor. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: When someone dies, the vultures start circling. Rather cheeky, isn’t it? Hmm. What’s his name? Ahmed Iqbal: The potential purchaser wishes to remain anonymous at this stage. But his lawyer has stated that he’d be willing to pay well above the market value. That could be a significant sum. But there’s probate and capital gains to take into account. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Tell them I’d be willing to potentially entertain an offer if he’s aggressive and quick. Ahmed Iqbal: Forgive me for stating the obvious, but I would be in remiss of my duties not to point out that Halstead Manor’s been in your family for generations. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Since 1550. Susan "Susie" Glass: I’m Susie Glass. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: How can I help you, Ms. Glass? Susan "Susie" Glass: I used to be in business with your father. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Well, forgive my confusion, but my father wasn’t exactly known for his business acumen. Susan "Susie" Glass: I have certain... interests I need to discuss with you. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: What kind of interests? Susan "Susie" Glass: Probably easier if I just show you. [driving Eddie to a farm] I liked your father. He was a proper gentleman. A tad eccentric, but your lot are. Must’ve come as a bit of a shock, inheriting everything. The house. The title. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Worse things have happened to me. Susan "Susie" Glass: Did he mention the revenue he was making from the farm? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: No, he didn’t. Couldn’t have been significant, otherwise I’d have known about it. Susan "Susie" Glass: Depends what you consider to be “significant.” He was making £5 million in cash a year. Plus profit share. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Excuse me? Five million pounds? I’m guessing it wasn’t from yogurts and burgers, Ms. Glass? Susan "Susie" Glass: Follow me. [leads him to barn, opens door and leads Eddie down stairs] Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Now, what happens down there? [sees massive marijuana growing operation] Ah. What the fuck is going on? Susan "Susie" Glass: The cannabis market in the UK is worth over six billion a year. Now, we’ve managed to corner a substantial share of that market, but the challenge is finding the space to grow it. That’s where your father came in. In return for a generous consideration, he let us carry out our activities with the necessary impunity. Turns out there ain’t that many 15,000-acre estates where you can do whatever you want without anyone knowing. What’s this one called, Jimmy? James "Jimmy" Chang: Frisian duck. Very popular right now. Susan "Susie" Glass: This is Jimmy. He’s been product supervisor here for... How long’s it been now, Jimmy? James "Jimmy" Chang: [points] Three years now, boss. That’s how long I’ve been living under your gaff. I can’t believe we finally get to meet! [crosses arms on chest] Me and you, we’s like fam. Except you, you’s like a duke, innit? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Nice to finally meet you, Jimmy. [to Susie] Assuming my father was receiving about... 10% a year, which would seem fair, this place must be turning over 50 million a year. Susan "Susie" Glass: You’re in the right ballpark. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: And being that you said you have a substantial share of the market... One would assume “substantial” means half or more. That means this is a very small cog in a much larger machine. You must have dozens of places like this all over the country. Susan "Susie" Glass: Your father never concerned himself with the workings of the wider operation. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Well, I’m very curious. Susan "Susie" Glass: All you need to know is that we have an agreement that means, as the new landlord, you will receive a significant amount of money every year in return for letting us carry out our activities. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Well, the trouble is, I might have to put the house on the market. Susan "Susie" Glass: We’d prefer to keep things as they are. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I’m sorry if that puts you in an awkward position, Ms. Glass, but it’s my house, and my hand might be forced. Susan "Susie" Glass: I completely understand, Your Grace. Geoffrey Seacombe: I see you’ve been introduced to Ms. Glass. Which also makes me think you also know what’s been going on. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: What’s the extent of your involvement? Geoffrey Seacombe: I make it my business not to be my business. 15,000 acres is enough to keep me busy. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Especially when you take in every wounded animal you come across. It’s like a bloody zoo in here. Geoffrey Seacombe: Yeah, Charlie got hit by a car. Sarah-Jane flew into a window. My little mate here, she’s got a broken leg. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Hmm. Is that a fox, Geoff? Geoffrey Seacombe: Yeah. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Aren’t you employed to cull foxes? Geoffrey Seacombe: Is there something specific you wanted to ask me, Your Grace? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Yes. My father was happy with the status quo. I’m not sure I’m entirely comfortable with it. Geoffrey Seacombe: Well, that could be difficult. These are serious people, by all accounts. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: So you think I should just keep the money and keep schtum? Geoffrey Seacombe: Worked for your father, more or less. Now they got their roots in. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: The trouble is, I’ve run into a spot of bother. And for various reasons, I need their help. Geoffrey Seacombe: Help, they’ll give ya. But it’ll come at a price. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Hmm. What do you know about them? Geoffrey Seacombe: They’re dangerous bastards. At the end of the day, they’re businessmen. As long as you’re gonna make ’em money, they’ll have a conversation with ya. You need to be careful. Although they appear to be house-trained, don’t be deceived by the facade. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [sitting in vehicle] Does the name Stanley Johnston ring a bell? Susan "Susie" Glass: No, why? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: He’s the chap I just sold the wine to. He is very interested in buying the estate. And the kind of money he was offering suggested he might know something about the operation. Susan "Susie" Glass: What did you say his name was? Stanley Johnston: Stanley Johnston. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: With a ‘T’. Susan "Susie" Glass: What did you say to him? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I said it wasn’t for sale. Susan "Susie" Glass: Well done. That’s the correct answer. [hands out sheet] Take a look at this. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: What is it? Susan "Susie" Glass: The lyrics to a song Freddy’s gotta sing when he hands the money over. And he’s gotta dance. Like a chicken. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Like a chicken? Susan "Susie" Glass: Like a chicken. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Why does he have to dance like a chicken? Susan "Susie" Glass: Because Tommy Dixon, understandably, needs an apology. [Pete gestures from residence door] Party time. [She and Eddie exits vehicle] Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [walking to residence door and reads aloud] “I’m a posh twat who fucked up, ee-iee-io. I fucked up because I’m a knob, ee-iee-io. With a twat, twat here, and a twat, twat there.” How old is Tommy Dixon? Susan "Susie" Glass: It’s a small price to pay. Pete: [holds up bags] Want us to count it? Guy said it’s all there. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: No, I’m good. Pete: You sure? It’ll just take a little while. Susan "Susie" Glass: No, come on, let’s go. Pete: All right. I think he wants to say sorry. Susan "Susie" Glass: Oh. Do you want an apology? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I don’t know. Do I? Susan "Susie" Glass: Yes, you do. We need closure. Pete: Blanket! Blanket: [drags out a bloodied Freddy] One Sticky Peteǃ Freddy Horniman: I... I just wanted to say sorry from the bottom of my heartǃ Ah, that’s nice, innit, Eddie? I gave you back the money, and I’ve said I’m sorry, so are we cool? Susan "Susie" Glass: [sighs] I don’t know. Are we cool, Edward? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Yeah. Yeah, we’re cool. [walking to vehicle] You said you were gonna talk to him. Susan "Susie" Glass: Oh, we did. Don’t worry about him. We did him a favor. We discipline the dog, not the man. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: What’s that supposed to mean? Susan "Susie" Glass: There’s a dog in a man that the man can’t control. So we had to control it for him. Know what the fundamental challenge with the human condition is? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: No. But filling in the blanks, is it too much dog and not enough man? Susan "Susie" Glass: Too much untrained dog. And we are in the dog training business. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: [skeet shooting on lawn] Pull! Oh, for fuck’s sake! I’ve missed ten on the bounce, Geoff. There’s a problem with the weighting. They’re flying too fast. Geoffrey Seacombe: This time, we don’t shoot at the target. We shoot four feet in front of it. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: That’s exactly what I’m doing, Geoffrey. Geoffrey Seacombe: Well, this time, we try and miss it in front. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Pull. [shoots] Smashed it! Geoffrey Seacombe: Natural-born killer, Your Grace. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Well done, Fredward. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Ah, Edwina. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Yes, please, Mr. Lawrence. Wham Tam. Tamasina "Tammy" Lady Horniman: Edwina. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: How did you get on with Pete? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I got the money back. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: What? How come? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: He never placed the bet. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: What do you mean he never placed the bet? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I mean he never placed the bet. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Oh, that fucking... Edward "Eddie" Horniman: But Mr. Dixon has agreed to take the four, which means we’re good for tomorrow. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Well, fuck a duck. Well played. How’d you manage that? Four million off the eight. I mean... Christ. I’d suck his cock for four big ones. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: That’s good to know, Freddy. There is, however, one minor caveat. Freddy Horniman: What do you mean, “minor caveat”? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Break the gun, please, Freddy. He wants you to say you’re a cock. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: He wants me to... Fine. I’m a cock. There. Fucking easy-peasy. No problem. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Good. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Everyone thinks I’m a cock anyway, right? He does. Pete does. Dad definitely fucking did, or he wouldn’t have cut me out of his will. What about you? Do you think I’m a cock? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Well, you have been a bit of a cock. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Right, okay. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Doesn’t mean you always are. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Well, that’s just fucking... Geoff? Do you think I’m a cock? [Geoff is silent] Cheers, Geoff. [to Tammy] Wham Tam, what about you? Am I a cock? Tamasina "Tammy" Lady Horniman: All men are cocks, Freddy. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Fine, whatever. Anything else? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Yes. He wants you to do a dance and sing the apology. It’s right here. [plays video] Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: He’s dressed like a chicken. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Yes. There is that too. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: [scoffs] Fine. I’m a chicken. Cluck, cluck, flap, flap, I’m so sorry. There. What else? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: He wants to film the performance. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: No. I’m not doing it. I’m not fucking doing it. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Hold on. Two minutes ago, you were willing to suck his cock. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Yeah, in private, Eddie. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: He’s going to film it, Freddy. Freddy Horniman: He’s not fucking filming it, Eddie! Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Yes, he is. You asked for my help, and I’m helping you. Not because you fished me out of a pond when I was three, but because you are my brother, and that’s what brothers do. As a result, you have to do everything that I tell you from now on. And if that means dancing like a chicken, you dance like a chicken. You don’t dance like a stripper or a bear or a balle-fucking-rina. You dance like a chicken. Is that clear? Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: You’ve taken everything else from me. Why not take what’s left of my dignity? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Is that clear, Freddy? Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Yes, Your Grace. "Tackle Tommy Woo Woo" [1.02] Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [answers] Uh, hello, Freddy’s phone. John "The Gospel" Dixon: Is Freddy there? I need a word. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: He’s at dinner, unfortunately. Can I take a message? John "The Gospel" Dixon: My name’s John Dixon. Who am I speaking to, please? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Uh, you’re speaking to Edward, his brother. John "The Gospel" Dixon: Oh, right. Well, that’s a coincidence ’cause I’m ringing about my brother, Tommy Dixon. Maybe you’ve heard of him? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Yes, he was here this morning, actually. John "The Gospel" Dixon: Oh, right. Well, that’s good to know. You see, he hasn’t come home, so I’m trying to ascertain his whereabouts. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Well, he left here this morning at about 11:00 a.m. John "The Gospel" Dixon: You were there, were ya? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I was, yes. John "The Gospel" Dixon: That would make you the last person to have seen him. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, Mr. Dixon. Uh, is there anything we can do to help? John "The Gospel" Dixon: Would it be all right if I drop by tomorrow, say, twelve o’clock, just so we can talk things through? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: If you think that would help, of course. John "The Gospel" Dixon: I do, yeah. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: All right, take care of yourself until then. [hangs up] John "The Gospel" Dixon: [to associate] Errol, I smell trouble. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [The Gospel pulls up with subordinates] Freddy, why are there two cars? They’ve brought an entire football team. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Yeah, they don’t travel light. John "The Gospel" Dixon: [gestures] Don’t be intimidated by the look of my lads. They’re good lads. Nice lads. They’re God-fearing lads. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Good afternoon, Mr. Dixon. John "The Gospel" Dixon: This your gaff, is it? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Yes. John "The Gospel" Dixon: Very, um, Versace. Very impressive. But your leccy bill must be shocking. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Sorry, what’s a... what’s a leccy bill? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I believe you know my brother, Freddy. John "The Gospel" Dixon: Oh yeah, me and Freddy know each other. [flashback of Freddy being tortured] You should repent, son. ‘Cause Jesus loves you. We are well acquainted. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Good. [to staffer] Mr. Lawrence. Please. [to John] And, uh, bring the whole choir. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [seated in living room on couches] We’re sorry to hear that your brother’s been missing. Like I said on the phone, after Freddy concluded his business yesterday morning, they left and we haven’t heard from them since. John "The Gospel" Dixon: Was the business matter resolved to Tommy’s satisfaction? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Yes. Freddy gave Tommy the money. Tommy waited while his associate, uh, J-Jethro, was it? John "The Gospel" Dixon: It was Jethro, yeah. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Jethro counted the money to make sure it was all there, and then they, uh, they left. John "The Gospel" Dixon: You see, my concern is that neither of them have been heard from since they left this house. And then we got this cryptic text from Jethro. Errol, show ’em the cryptic text. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: “Tackle Tommy Woo Woo.” Is that a religious thing? John "The Gospel" Dixon: I think not. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: No, sure. Could he have sat on his phone perhaps? John "The Gospel" Dixon: Maybe. But I think he was trying to send us a message. The question is... what? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Oh. John "The Gospel" Dixon: Eddie, any... any thoughts on that one? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: No idea, I’m afraid. There was one thing, however. Most probably nothing, but, uh, there was a small altercation. John "The Gospel" Dixon: What do you mean by “altercation”? Errol: He means when two– John "The Gospel" Dixon: Errol, I know what altercation meansǃ Edward "Eddie" Horniman: While Jethro was counting the money, your brother became... frustrated, and words were exchanged. John "The Gospel" Dixon: Errol, that sound typical to you? Errol: I’ve never heard a syllable of discontent between them two. John "The Gospel" Dixon: So what was the nature of the disagreement? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Tommy was frustrated at how long the process was taking. Jethro didn’t wanna be rushed. Tommy isn’t the most patient of people, to be fair. [the Gospel chuckles] Perhaps it was just that. Like I said… could’ve been nothing. John "The Gospel" Dixon: Nothing. My hope is that Tommy has simply strayed from the path. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time. [chuckles] God loves nothing more than a sinner who has returned to the fold. And on that note, does anyone here feel the need to repent? "Where's My Weed At?" [1.03] Jimmy: The cultivation process of a marijuana plant takes a minimum of three months, depending on the strain. And once it’s dried and cured, I pack it up... ship it out to our distributors. But first, [rolls a blunt and lights up] I need to perform a ceremonial sampling of the product. This is to ensure optimum customer satisfaction. James "Jimmy" Chang: Ah, so sorry, can I get some of that special sauce to go with it, please? Diner server: The special sauce is on the table. You just help yourself. James "Jimmy" Chang: Ah, okay. [sits at table] Gabrielle: [places condiment bottle] Can’t have cheesy rings without special sauce. James "Jimmy" Chang: Thanks. Gabrielle: Some people say it’s just ketchup and mayo. They don’t know what they’re talking about. James "Jimmy" Chang: That’s just a thousand islands dressing, innit? Gabrielle: Exactly. They’re forgetting the secret ingredient. I thought it was lemon juice, but now I’m not so sure. James "Jimmy" Chang: I was always working on the assumption that it was horseradish. Gabrielle: Horseradish? Interesting. Don’t tell me you’re about to put that on your egg and bacon pancake stack. James "Jimmy" Chang: Ah, I know it sounds so wrong. But I promise you, it tastes so right. Gabrielle: I thought I was the only one. James "Jimmy" Chang: What? You’re kidding? Gabrielle: I just had a whole plateful now. I’m about to finish off my cheesy rings. James "Jimmy" Chang: Ah, you see, I eat my cheesy rings first, ’cause, you know, you gotta eat them while they’re hot. Gabrielle: Nah, I prefer them close to room temperature. James "Jimmy" Chang: Hmm. You know what? I’mma put one aside, let it cool down. See if you’re right. Jack Glass: [Eddie approaches training in boxing gym] Oi! Want a fight? [laughs] I’m fucking with you, mateǃ Joking. Unless you want one? You army boys love a ruck, don’t ya? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Actually, I’m looking for your sister. Jack Glass: Business or pleasure? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Strictly business. Jack Glass: Better be. [laughs] Just fucking with yaǃ Watch yourself. She’s got the right hump. You might be better off in hereǃ Susan "Susie" Glass: [on phone] You can’t find Jimmy? Knock on his door, bang on his window, rattle his fucking letterbox. Might’ve got so stoned he forgot what day of the week it was. Don’t worry about the Albanians. I’ve got ’em under manners. [Eddie enters office] Steady Eddie. Yeah, he’s here with me now. You focus on finding Jimmy, all right? Call me when you get there. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Morning, Susie. Susan "Susie" Glass: Jimmy’s not answering his phone. So we’re currently in the midst of exploring a number of scenarios. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I’m afraid I couldn’t find him either. Neither could any of my staff and, despite spending an inordinate amount of time together, neither could Freddy. Susan "Susie" Glass: Our investigation’s already moved away from your estate. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Right. Well, then, why am I here? Susan "Susie" Glass: Well, as you might imagine, the customer expecting the shipment was somewhat disappointed. Toni Blair: [in flashback] Where’s my weed at? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Presumably you explained there was some unforeseen delay there? Susan "Susie" Glass: We’ve been doing business with Toni Blair for a number of years, but he’s not exactly nuanced. Toni Blair: Where’s my weed at? Susan "Susie" Glass: Unforeseen delay. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [in presence] Hold on. Tony Blair? Susan "Susie" Glass: He’s a Kosovan-Albanian. Tony Blair was like a savior to those guys back in the day. It’s a very popular name. He’s a bit of a mug. Toni Blair: [in flashback] Yeah. Susan "Susie" Glass: But he’s good for money. Where’s my weed at? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Can’t you just give his money back? Susan "Susie" Glass: You never give back money once it’s been handed over. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: And the reason for that being? Susan "Susie" Glass: It’s just something you don’t do. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Well, you’ll just have to tell him to be patient, then. Susan "Susie" Glass: [in presence] It might be a little late this month. Toni Blair: Yeah, but you’ve forgotten how this works. Where’s my weed at? Susan "Susie" Glass: [in presence] You try, but life’s too short. Given that it would be deeply problematic if people started to think your supply chain couldn’t be relied upon, you decide to throw him a bone. See if there’s something you can do to make up for the inconvenience. Toni Blair: [in flashback, referring to vehicle] You see that whip? It’s hotter than a jalfrezi. Part of a sideline I’ve been setting up as an auto trader. Import-export. I take in orders from all over. We pick up the vehicle and deliver it to the client. Bang! Good price. Cash in hand. [makes gesture] Gezuarǃ [associate bumps Toni's hand] The other day, we ran into something, ended up getting our wings clipped. Associate: Clipped! Toni Blair: Which has severely restricted our operational effectiveness. Associate: Severelyǃ Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [in presence] So, because his product’s been delayed, you’ve promised to steal a car for him? Toni Blair: [in flashback] Not just any car. This is a very particular vehicle. Lamborghini Huracan. Associate: Green. Toni Blair: I know where it’s gonna be. I know when it’s gonna be there. All I need is a bit of help with collection and delivery. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [in presence] And you agreed to that why? Susan "Susie" Glass: I don’t expect you to appreciate the nuances of the symbiotic ecosystem that allows our business to flourish, but, yes, I did. Toni Blair: [in flashback, makes gesture] Gezuarǃ [associate bumps Toni's hand] Edward "Eddie" Horniman: So presumably this is an issue you and your team will sort? Susan "Susie" Glass: My team are currently focusing their attentions on problem A, figuring out what’s happened to the weed. That leaves problem B. The stealing of the car. Which is, admittedly, less pressing and, frankly, beneath me. Nonetheless, still needs tackling with a degree of... finesse. And given the terms of our agreement, I thought you might be interested in stepping up. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Why me? Why not one of your delightful associates? Susan "Susie" Glass: The request comes from my father. His motivation remains enigmatic. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Hmm. Well, if I were to do this... [gets up and walks, turns] it would be a significant departure from the content and spirit of our agreement. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Thus, um, I’d be looking for something in return. Susan "Susie" Glass: You’d have to be more specific. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Well, you talked about increased profitability. Why don’t we choose a number so we can use it as a floor? Susan "Susie" Glass: Hmm. You want a number. All right. I can give you a number. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Good. We also discussed you leaving my estate by the end of the year, but it wasn’t made clear whether that was a financial year or a calendar year. Perhaps we should just name a date. Susan "Susie" Glass: I’ll have to check my diary. But sure. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Then let’s sort your little problem, shall we? Susan "Susie" Glass: [going outside] Toni Blair said he’d meet us at the garage. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Well, let’s rearrange my afternoon, then. Jack Glass: Don’t know what Dad sees in him. Just ’cause he’s a soldier. Don’t mean nothing in the real world. Susan "Susie" Glass: No, but he killed someone and didn’t spin out into an existential crisis. Most people would wake up in a cold sweat. The duke slept like a baby. Jack Glass: And how do you know that? Susan "Susie" Glass: Speaking metaphorically. Look, truth is, there are 24 dukes in this country. This seems to be the only one who can navigate both the upper echelons of high society and shoot someone in the head without worrying. Jack Glass: So does that make him useful? Susan "Susie" Glass: In the very specific and unique world in which we operate, it does. James "Jimmy" Chang: Thanks for taking me in, Geoff. Geoff Seacombe: I’m not here to lecture ya. We’ve gotta shake the old snow globe once in a while, don’t we? But the important thing is, you’ve gotta learn from the experience. Do you understand what I’m saying? James "Jimmy" Chang: I... I think so. Geoff Seacombe: Good. Susan "Susie" Glass: You all right, Jimmy? James "Jimmy" Chang: That’s a surprisingly difficult question to answer right now, to be honest. Susan "Susie" Glass: How you doing? James "Jimmy" Chang: I’m just proper sorry about the current situation. Susan "Susie" Glass: Well, if you’re sorry, that’s all right, then. Except, now, hang on a minute... Where the fuck have you been, Jimmy?ǃ James "Jimmy" Chang: It’s a bit of a long story, actually. Susan "Susie" Glass: Yeah? Let’s go straight to the end, then. Where the fuck is my weed? James "Jimmy" Chang: Probably best if I start from the beginning. I was driving down the road, but then I got the munchies, innit. So I pulled over to get some provisions at my usual spot, Patty’s. And then it happened. Susan "Susie" Glass: What happened, Jimmy? James "Jimmy" Chang: To be honest, my life’s not been the same since. It was like a whatchamacallit? One of those ‘piphany things. An apparition. Well, most people call it a girl, innit. But me, I call it an angel. It’s just, she didn’t have no wings. [chuckles] Well, none I could see, anyway. And then, just like that, she reached out and snatched it. Susan "Susie" Glass: What did she snatch, Jimmy? James "Jimmy" Chang: It was... it was either my heart or my soul. Or even both. It’s been like a kaleidoscope of dominoes on the tumble. Then my day went from mad to bad. First the van full of business, it went poof. Gone! Evaporated like… like steam from a kettle. A rabbit out of a hat in reverse. Then my phone ran out of juice. Then I couldn’t get no pees. So I stuck my thumb out, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Magic number 42. Then the universe started throwing mad mud at me. [vehicle of smiling mature adult men pulls over] Pedi priests. Not touching my acorn. That’s not my kind of thing. Go play with your own quail’s egg in your bushy crow’s nest. Fuck off, noncey cunts. Then Jimmy Chang hit the jackpot. [RV pulls over] At least, that’s what I thought. God, for the second time in a day, extends his righteous hand. A van full of headbangers. Pocket full of shrooms. So I have a smoke and a toke, we break bread, feel the love, and then I find myself in the dance. Music’s thumping, heart’s pumping, energy’s jumping, but I can’t shake the vision of the angel out of my nut. I’m telling you, she’s in the picture for a reason. So I have a cup of tea to pull myself together. That’s when the shrooms kick in. [shudders] After that, it felt like I fell off a cliff. To be honest, it’s like... It’s all a bit of a haze. Like a purple haze. Next thing you know, I’m face down in Adam’s clay, getting a poke from behind by Mr. Geoff and his stick of judgement. Susan "Susie" Glass: Tell me about the girl. James "Jimmy" Chang: Oh, Gabrielle. Oh, she’s like a dream come true. We had this weird connection. She was a bit indescribable, to be honest. Susan "Susie" Glass: And the keys to the van were on the table when you sat down? James "Jimmy" Chang: Yeah. I’m sure it was. Susan "Susie" Glass: And they weren’t there afterwards? James "Jimmy" Chang: [scene of her snatching van keys] Wait. Y-You don’t think... Nah, sh-she wouldn’t do that to me. We were proper vibing. Susan "Susie" Glass: How the hell are we gonna find her? James "Jimmy" Chang: Find her? Oh no, you don’t need to worry about that. I gave her my number, innit. So when she calls me, I-I’ll just ask her about the keys. Susan "Susie" Glass: Oh my God. James "Jimmy" Chang: I mean, I’ve just got this feeling. Like... you just know sometimes. You know? Susan "Susie" Glass: Go back to the service station. Talk to the staff. Associate: Cool. James "Jimmy" Chang: Sorry, boss. I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do to help? Susan "Susie" Glass: Yeah. Find a way to make those plants grow faster. ‘Cause we’ve got a big hole in our production line now. And if that weed doesn’t turn up, you’re wearing it. Susan "Susie" Glass: The state of him. He can barely keep his eyes open. [sighs] So, Eddie, you want to place a further burden upon my shoulders. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Well, I’m sorry if it’s an inconvenience for you, but when we discussed me collecting a vehicle for you, I wasn’t expecting to encounter severed human body parts. Susan "Susie" Glass: What human body parts? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Finger. Susan "Susie" Glass: Single or plural? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Single. Susan "Susie" Glass: Thumb or index? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Little. Susan "Susie" Glass: Hmm. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: It may be the smallest finger on the human hand, but the fact that it’s been hacked off suggests a significant escalation in terms of the people we’re dealing with. Susan "Susie" Glass: Oh, Eddie. You’re not getting a case of the collywobbles? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: No. I’m merely making you aware of the situation. Running it up the chain of command, as it were. Susan "Susie" Glass: As it were. Now, I’m not suggesting you’ve been lied to, but it’s safe to say the information you’ve been given was incomplete. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: But now you have a lead on your weed, I was wondering if there was a scenario where I don’t have to steal a car for you. We have a name. Susan "Susie" Glass: That’s more than likely a fake name. And the only description we have is from a witness who’s dosed up to the gills on psilocybin. But more importantly, my dad’s asked. He’s got his reasons. He will reciprocate. So, yes, I still need you to steal the car. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Can I ask you a question, please? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Sure. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Why the fuck are we doing any of this? We could do what dad did. Five million a year for absolutely nothing. It’s a pretty good payday. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: It’s not about the money. It’s about removing ourselves from a criminal organization. It’s about taking back control. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Control. So just so I’ve got this clear in my mind. In order to stop ourselves being associated with criminals, we are going to become... criminals. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [with ski mask on] We’re not criminals, Freddy. [leaves vehicle] Russian man: [in Lamborghini] Is it safe now? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Best keep your head down for a little longer. [calls] Freddy, call me back. I wanna make sure you got out of there okay. Russian man: Could you please untie me now? Moly te. Moly te! Edward "Eddie" Horniman: You all right? Come here, come here. Here. You all right? Russian man: Oh, man, you saved my life. [holds up hand with severed pinkie] Look what she did to me. Vizh. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Jesus. Russian man: I used to play the piano. I’m fucked up. I’m incomplete. Incomplete. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: What did you do to her? Russian man: You don’t know? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: No, of course I bloody don’t. What the fuck have you done? Russian man: You... you must take back. Ne, ne, ne, ne. You must take back. Ne, ne, ne. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Take what back? Russian man: Open up. Open up the trunk. I show you. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: All right, fine. Fine. [opens trunk to discover a stash of cocaine] Susan "Susie" Glass: [in presence] I take it things didn’t go exactly as planned, then. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: That would be an understatement. Susan "Susie" Glass: Want a wet wipe? Maybe freshen yourself up while you tell me what happened. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Well, turns out Toni Blair wasn’t exactly honest about why he wanted that car. Susan "Susie" Glass: How so? Russian man: [flashback] One hundred and fifty kilos of super premium uncut cocaine. In the whole car. Susan "Susie" Glass: [in presence] Must be worth three mil, at least. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Three and a half, apparently. Susan "Susie" Glass: Well, maybe Toni Blair didn’t know it was there. Russian man: [flashback] He knew! He set the whole thing up. He sent me in, like he sent you in. Susan "Susie" Glass: [in presence] Hang on. Who’s this? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: The guy with the missing finger. Susan "Susie" Glass: Ah. Where’d you find the rest of him? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: In the warehouse, tied to a chair. Susan "Susie" Glass: When you’re on a job, you never answer a cry for help. It’s a fucking cliché. That’s the worm that covers the hook. What are you? First mouse that gets the cheese? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: This is not my day job, Susie. So he’s saying Toni Blair knew about the gear. Russian man: [flashback] He knew the fucking car was full of coke, and he knew what would happen. You should walk away, man. That’s what I’m gonna do. Chop chop people. Bad people. Nasty people. Drown– [starts to run] Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Wait, wait! [Russian man gets run into by truck, in presence] Not anymore, he’s not. Susan "Susie" Glass: Ugh. That’s why we don’t get involved in the chop game. Let me give you a hand. [walks over and sits besides Eddie wiping the Russian man's blood off Eddie's face] It’s easier to move, and the numbers are bigger, but it attracts all sorts of flotsam and jetsam. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: To be clear, the only reason we’re in the chop game is because you asked me to steal this fucking car. Susan "Susie" Glass: I’m aware of the circumstances that have led to our predicament, Edward. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I’m interested in exploring how we can extract ourselves from it. Susan "Susie" Glass: I take it you’ve still got the gear. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Yeah, it’s in the boot of the car, parked outside. Susan "Susie" Glass: Well, I know plenty of people who’d take the gear off us, but they’d ask questions. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: So what do we do? We dump the gear, put the car in the sink, forget it ever happened? Susan "Susie" Glass: First, we find out who the gear belongs to. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [answers phone] Freddy. Mercy Moreno: Oh, hello. Freddy can’t come to the phone right now. You wanna know why? Because he’s preparing for his punishment. Bring me the cocaine. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [hangs up, to Susie] Change of plan. Susan "Susie" Glass: [driving, calling Eddie] I’ve done some ringing around. Turns out this Mercy lady’s got some serious Colombian muscularity behind her. I’d rather stay out of that lane, so this is gonna require some very delicate handling. However, I think if we give her what she wants, there’s no reason this can’t be handled amicably. It’s gonna be all right, soldier. Mercy Moreno: [Eddie and Susie pull into warehouse with Freddy tied to chair with Mercy holding a machete] You’d better have my rice. He says he’s your brother. Is this true, or is this more bullshit like the stupid voice he made? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: He’s my brother. Now you have your product, you can let him go. Mercy Moreno: [scoffs] You stole from meǃ There have to be consequences. Susan "Susie" Glass: They didn’t know what they were stealing. Mercy Moreno: [points machete] And you are? Susan "Susie" Glass: I’m Susie Glass. Mercy Moreno: Compliments to the chef. Certain lanes for certain horses. Certain slips for certain dogs. You know how this works. You can’t just return what you stole. We have people, organizations, competition. They need to know, cause and effect. I mean, someone’s got to pay. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: We understand. That’s why we brought a peace offering. [opens van back door to reveal Toni Blair] As you can tell, we’ve been misled. Now you put him in the chair instead of my brother. Mercy Moreno: I believe in, uh, biblical punishment. Hmm? [pulls off Freddy's hood] Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Eddie. For the love of fuck, get– [Mercy strikes him on head] Mercy Moreno: Agh, Jesus Christ. Eye for an eye. If someone tries to steal from you, it’s enough to take off a finger. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: You don’t need to take a finger. You don’t need to take anything else because, technically, I didn’t try to steal anything. Isn’t that right? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: You’re right, Freddy. Mercy Moreno: If someone actually steals from you... Hmm? [tuts] I mean, the message needs to be loud and clear. Yeah? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Freddy, we’re done here. Come on. Mercy Moreno: Stay the fuck there! Edward "Eddie" Horniman: All right, all right. Mercy Moreno: I-It’s not enough for justice to be done. Justice needs to be seen to be done. As a warning for those who might suffer the temptations in the future. Freddy Horniman: If that’s directed at me, I promise you I’m not gonna be tempted in future. I promise you that. Frederick "Freddy" Moreno: Okay, you keep your eyes open, and you’ll learn a valuable lesson. Oh, hello. Let’s hear what he has to say, yeah? [Toni Blair's hood is pulled off] Yes? Toni Blair: Fuck you. You cocksucking bitch! [laughs and Mercy repeatedly attacks him with machete] Thank you for your attention. Susan "Susie" Glass: It’s a job like any other. Sometimes you have your good days... and you have your not-so-good days. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Yeah, sometimes you win, sometimes you watch someone get hacked to death with a machete. Susan "Susie" Glass: The important thing is that you showed the right attitude. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: What does that prove? Susan "Susie" Glass: It proves you’ve got the stomach for it. Which is more than can be said for your brother. Gabrielle's associate: [after Gabrielle calls Jimmy] He’s agreed to meet her for dinner tomorrow night. He’s either Rudolph Valentino or a few fries short of a Happy Meal. Shall we light this up? [Jimmy's van full of cannabis shipment is set ablaze] James "Jimmy" Chang: I realized I haven’t been taking things as seriously as I should. I need to make changes. Drastic ones. So I’ve decided I’m only gonna smoke weed in the evenings. Not first thing when I wake up in the morning. Not when I’m eating lunch. Or after lunch. Or when I’ve had something to eat– Susan "Susie" Glass: We are still a mil and a half down on the weed though. James "Jimmy" Chang: Ah, yeah. I realized that too. And I’ll endeavor to repay that debt. I mean, right now, I’m working on this new hybrid weed strain, and the THC on that bad boy... [mimics explosion] Susan "Susie" Glass: You’d better get back to work, then. James "Jimmy" Chang: Yes, boss. "An Unsympathetic Gentleman" [1.04] Tour guide: [to tourists] Dorset Hall was bought by the fourth Lord Bassington in 1802 for the princely sum of £3,000. The eighth Lord Bassington still resides here. It’s only with his kind permission that we’re able to visit today. So... follow me. The house is famed for its extensive collection of antiquities, which led Lord Byron to quip that it made the British Museum look like a knickknack shop. Highlights include the priceless collection of ivory chess pieces that date back to the Byzantine era, an ancient Egyptian sarcophagus, and– [thudding is heard] And the, uh, sacred headdress of the Aboriginal tribe known as the Waka Waka. [thudding and gunshots is heard with Smythe appearing on upper floor firing off an MP40 submachine gun] Smythe Bassington: [naked while chasing tourists out Dorset Hall while firing off MP40 submachine gun out the door] Clear off! I’ll have no lizards in my house! You hear me?ǃ No fucking lizards...ǃ [suffers a heart attack outside] Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: [on boat out on lake with Jimmy] You know what it is, James? I’m angry. I’ll tell you what really champs my giblets. I should be an asset to them. They should want me around. I’m smart. I’m a smart guy. I’ve got grades. It’s... It blows my mind, man. I screw up one time... maybe a couple, two, three times, all of a sudden, I’m persona non gratis, not wanted, en voyage. It’s... it’s insane. It’s ridiculous, is what it is, James. James "Jimmy" Chang: Freddy? Just chill out, man. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Maybe I don’t wanna chill out, James. Maybe... maybe I need to get out of here. What do you say? You and me. James "Jimmy" Chang: I can’t, bruv. I’ve gotta meet someone. Or more like something. Something special. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: You know what? James "Jimmy" Chang: [Freddy lights a dynamite stick] Oh, whoa! What are you doing? Freddy! Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: I’m staying right here. [throws dynamite stick over shoulder] Oorah! Sabrina Horniman: Not the stables, darlingǃ They’re of significant historical importanceǃ Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Mother, Anne Boleyn didn’t change her horses there on her way to visit Henry VIII. By the time they were built, she’d been a headless corpse for the last 300 years. Sabrina Horniman: Well, they may have been updated. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: It doesn’t matter. I’m not gonna let them expand their operation on the grounds. Sabrina Horniman: Would you like me to have a word with Susie Glass? You know I can be quite persuasive when I need to be. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: No, Mother. I don’t want you getting involved with these people. I’ve seen the effect it’s had on Freddy. Sabrina Horniman: Yes, and the sooner you get rid of them, the better. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I just need to figure out a way of making them more money with a little less fuss. Sabrina Horniman: [walks up to Eddie and does up his collar] Now, come on. Nothing like a good funeral to put things in perspective. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [at Smythe's funeral] What’s with the window? Sabrina Horniman: Oh, it was in his will. Apparently, he wanted to be buried standing up, sticking out of the ground, so he could have a view of the house. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Well, that’s unpleasant. Sabrina Horniman: Oh, that’s the son there, Max. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Hmm. Sabrina Horniman: He was one of Freddy’s acting chums from Durham. If you think you’ve seen him before, he did an advert for shampoo that was everywhere. The house, the debts, the financial burden. You two have a lot in common in that respect. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [approaches at wake] Hello, Rosie. Rosanne "Rosie": How’s your tummy? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: My tummy’s fine. Thank you for asking. Rosanne "Rosie": You ought to be more careful. I might not be around to help you next time. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Hopefully, there won’t be a next time. How’s your American friend? Rosanne "Rosie": You’re not jealous, are you? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: A little protective, perhaps. Rosanne "Rosie": Well, that’s very sweet of you. But I can look after myself. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Oh, I’m sure you can. But I’d be wary of Mr. Johnston. Behind the air of pomposity, there’s a man you don’t wanna fuck with. Rosanne "Rosie": Speak for yourself, Eddie. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: How well do you know the son? Rosanne "Rosie": Oh, Max? He’s rather lovely. He’s your classic struggling artist. Just a little too desperate to be discovered. Ever since his father died, he’s been like a bird with a broken wing. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Would you introduce me? Rosanne "Rosie": You’re up to something, Eddie. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Never. Max Bassington: I remember Freddy. The year above me at Durham. He was a bloody good Demetrius. Midsummer Night’s Dream. I was Lysander. [sighs] He should have stuck at it. Seriously, he could’ve walked into RADA. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Oh, Freddy has many talents, but sticking isn’t one of them. I heard you’ve been getting a lot of work. Max Bassington: Oh, I can’t complain. Acting is like any great art form. It’s the paradoxical reconciliation of our dualistic identities to recognize ironic beauty concealed within the malign. Though there’s easier ways of making a living, God knows. Rosanne "Rosie": Max, darling, you have my sympathies. Now I must go and rescue my mother. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I wanted to offer my condolences. I recently lost my own father. Max Bassington: A right kick in the balls, isn’t it? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Certainly. Max Bassington: Then add to that the inheritance tax, which is ludicrous. When I found out the running costs, I thought they were fucking joking. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Could’ve been the same for me. Fortunately, my father made... certain provisions. You know, uh, it may be worth you and I sitting down, actually. There’s a small business opportunity that... might be of help to you. [seated in study room] Supply a product that is highly profitable, totally unregulated, inherently benign, and incredibly popular. Max Bassington: I’m warming to this, Eddie. I really am. It’s the kind of risk-reward relationship I could get on board with. Free market, fucking great. Lack of regulation, check. No taxation? Yeah, baby. Smidge of illegality? Yeah, well, no business plan’s perfect. There is, however, one tiny little reputational obstacle that we need to navigate before we could proceed, and it’s... it’s slightly delicate. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Well, I can be extremely discreet if necessary. You must remember, your father and mine, they used to fish for salmon on the Spey. Max Bassington: That’s right. And that matters, particularly as it’s my father who’s the cause of this specific challenge. [plays tape] Smythe Bassington's blackmailer: I have in my possession a series of documents detailing the purchase of a particularly salacious artifact. If these documents were ever to come to light, they would cause considerable scandal. In return for £500,000, I will hand them over to you. If not, I will be forced to pass them on to the nation’s press. Do not make the mistake of underestimating me. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Can’t you just ignore it? Your father clearly had some demons. Whatever he did dies with him. Max Bassington: [exhales] I’m about to have a second audition for a role in a major Hollywood movie. But, as you can see, any kind of hoo-ha is gonna seriously torpedo my chances. You’ve clearly got some... connections, and I imagine they would come replete with the necessary skill set to deal with this situation. Here’s how I see it going. [clears throat] You make contact with the blackmailer. You bring them, and whatever evidence they have, back here, I’ll take a look, make sure it’s the real deal, destroy it, and then… you can help me convince them never to darken my door again. There is, um, one more thing I would, uh, just ask, Eddie. When you lay your hands on the file, I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t look inside. Whatever secrets my father had, I’d appreciate it if they stayed secret. A matter of respect for the deceased. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Whatever is in the file is none of my concern. Your father’s secrets will remain secret. You have my word. But let’s be clear. If I do this for you, then we have an agreement. Max Bassington: If you can make this problem go away, you and your criminal associates can turn this place into the Hanging Gardens of the Original Rude Boy Ganja Man for all I care. Sabrina Horniman: Come on, Geoff. What have you got up your sleeve? Geoff Seacombe: What if we could find an alternative venue for their activities? Sabrina Horniman: I’m sure you’ve been acquainted with Mr. Rokes from Green River Farm next door. Geoff Seacombe: The sheep farmer? What are you saying? Sabrina Horniman: Well, sheep need a lot of land to graze. And lamb’s not turning a profit these days. Geoff Seacombe: He’s broke? Sabrina Horniman: Mr. Rokes is being investigated for fraud by the Ministry of Agriculture. Geoff Seacombe: So he’s not just broke. He’s as bent as a barbed wire fence. James "Jimmy" Chang: Plants are actually a lot more like humans than people tend to think. They breathe. They’re territorial. They communicate with each other. Gabrielle: How come you know so much about plants? James "Jimmy" Chang: It’s what I do, I guess. I’m like a botanist. Gabrielle: Oh, no way. My granddad used to run a nursery. Flowers, not kids. James "Jimmy" Chang: I like flowers. Gabrielle: Hmm. I’d love to see your plants one day. James "Jimmy" Chang: Oh. That’s a bit of a tricky one. Where I work is sort of like a… restricted access area sort of thing. I trust you. It’s just... recently we… we’ve been having a bit of trouble at work. Some of our plants went missing. Oddly enough, it was on the day that we met. Gabrielle: What? You don’t think I had anything to do with that, do you? James "Jimmy" Chang: Oh, no, course not. Gabrielle: Yeah. I mean, what am I gonna steal a load of plants for? Susan "Susie" Glass: Traditionally, the selection process for a prospective new landlord takes place over a couple of months. We like to give their bums a good old sniff. We don’t just rock up at funerals waving our check books around. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Look, it was a business opportunity that was presented to me. And now I’m presenting it to you. This gives you an alternate venue, an increased capacity, and replaces the existing operation on my estate by the end of the year. Susan "Susie" Glass: I’m willing to consider expanding the operation to a 12th location, but when you start talking about a bit of blackmail, then it’s all starting to sound deeply problematic. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: It’s a loose end that I intend to tie up. Very simply, very easily. Susan "Susie" Glass: I’m willing to take a face-to-face meeting, but I’m not making any promises, and I don’t want any shenanigans. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: No shenanigans. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [at Chinese restaurant] I like to think of myself as a fairly patient man, Frank. But when you start ordering chicken bao buns– Frank: Let me translate. Twelve is vegetable spring rolls. Twenty is confit of pork. Fifty-three is crispy noodle chips, which I’ve ordered twice ’cause I’m quite partial to. And 69 you’ll find isn’t on the menu. For the simple reason that 69 isn’t a dish. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: What is it, then? Frank: It’s not a “what.” It’s a “who.” And here he is. [Sandy enters dining area and gets Frank into an headlock] Edward "Eddie" Horniman: All right, all rightǃ Frank: It’s all there, every pennyǃ [Sandy throws Frank to floor] Whoa! Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Frank, why don’t you explain to the nice man this isn’t his money? Frank: The money in that bag is owed to me. And what’s owed to me belongs to you. Sorry. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [Sandy grabs bag and Eddie grabs Sandy's wrist] Fucker... [calls phone] Hello, Susie. Just checking in to see how you’re doing. Well, it’s not going exactly to plan. [scenes of Eddie fighting Sandy] Susan "Susie" Glass: So you gave him half a mil, now you’ve got nothing to show for it? Sounds a bit sloppy, if you don’t mind me saying. What’s the name of the guy that lent him the money? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I don’t know. He’s a large Chinese gentleman. She wants to talk to you. [hands Sandy phone] Sandy: Can I help you? Yeah, yeah. Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah. All right. When you put it like that, it does have a bearing on the situation. With the greatest respect, Susie, that money’s a longstanding debt that needs to be repaid. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: For fuck’s sake. Sandy: That’s very decent of you.If you can guarantee my money, I’ll give your man the address. Tell your father I’ll send him some buns. [hands Eddie back phone] You should’ve mentioned Susie Glass. She said she’ll meet you there. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Hello, Susan. [hands over takeout bag] Compliments of the chef. Susan "Susie" Glass: Enjoying your little sojourn into the murky world of criminality? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Uh... It’s certainly edifying. Shall we? Susan "Susie" Glass: Let’s. [knocks on Frank's door and Frank's young daughter Alice appears] Alice: You’re not the taxi. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: No, we were... We’re looking for your dad. Is he around? Alice: He’s busy packing. Susan "Susie" Glass: That’s all right, darling. This won’t take long. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [enters Frank's study room] Hello, Francis. You going somewhere? Frank: Um... How did you find me? Susan "Susie" Glass: Oh, that would be down to your helpful Chinese friend. Now, weren’t you supposed to give us something before you go? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: If you can find it amongst all these bags. [to Alice] Your dad’s a bit of a messy pup, isn’t he? Frank: [chuckles] Yeah, Daddy’s a bit of a mess, isn’t he? That’s what Mummy’s always saying. [chuckles] But you’d be surprised what nutrition can be found in other people’s stools. See that one there? That’s a former cabinet minister. Collects illegally smuggled birds’ eggs. This one is a certain children’s TV presenter. Got himself a taste for, uh... [to Alice] You like the breakfast show, don’t you, darling? Alice: Daddy used to be one of the top journalists in the country. Then the oligarchs took over. Frank: Yes, no freedom of the press anymore. You have to answer to the powers that be. And if you don’t follow their narrative, they bury you. But not me. Alice: My daddy’s got integrity. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Oh yeah. Susan "Susie" Glass: Hmm. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Big plastic bags full of it. Geoff Seacombe: [at sheep auction] Yeah, there he is. Standing up, front row, the guy to the left. Sabrina Horniman: What do you think’s my best approach? I mean... I can hardly walk up to the man and ask him if he’d like to house a cannabis farm under one of his barns. Geoff Seacombe: I know his estate manager. I could always introduce you. But, in my opinion, I think it’s better if you go up and meet him yourself. I mean, he’ll know who you are. I’m sure he’d be susceptible to your powers of... persuasion, ma’am. Sabrina Horniman: You really think so, Geoff? Geoff Seacombe: Well, we know he needs the money. And you are very good with people, if you don’t mind me saying so. Sabrina Horniman: Right, then. Wish me luck. Geoff Seacombe: Do you need a hand? Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: I’m fine, Geoff. Geoff Seacombe: You know you shouldn’t smoke fish with pine, don’t you? Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Huh? Geoff Seacombe: You’re planning on smoking that beautiful carp, but the resin, it poisons the flesh. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Tsk! I can’t do anything right, can I? I mean, Eddie’s off gallivanting around the country pretending to be a gangster. And I’m stuck here, alone, with this... dead fishǃ Geoff Seacombe: Freddy. It’s a lucky man who’s happy with his place in life. Gabrielle: [being led through cannabis grow-op] It’s like a secret garden. James "Jimmy" Chang: I know, right? That’s how I like to see it. It’s like an underground world filled with magical plants that bring nothing but righteousness and can help everyone feel so much better. And it’s all being outlawed by Babylon. Gabrielle: How many plants you got down here? James "Jimmy" Chang: Rather not get into those details, to be honest. It’s a bit... a bit sensitive information. Gabrielle: You worried I’m gonna report you? James "Jimmy" Chang: No, of course not. It’s just I like to take my professional responsibilities very seriously. Gabrielle: Me too. James "Jimmy" Chang: Oh, snap. What kind of work do you do then? Gabrielle: I’m a consultant. People bring me in when they’ve got a problem, and I help them fix it. A jack of all trades but a master of none is oftentimes better than a master of one. James "Jimmy" Chang: Wow. You’re so clever. D’you wanna smoke a joint or something? I’ve got loads of different flavors and strains. Gabrielle: Uh, I don’t smoke. I don’t mind if you do though. James "Jimmy" Chang: Maybe I’ll just have a cheeky little one. I’m sure there’s one in the ashtray. Just give me two secs. Gabrielle: Okay. James "Jimmy" Chang: Be right back. Gabrielle: You reckon the world would be a better place if everyone smoked weed? James "Jimmy" Chang: Um... Not necessarily. But it’d definitely make it a lot more calmer. Gabrielle: You’re gonna need a lot more than this if you’re gonna change the world. James "Jimmy" Chang: Oh, no. This spot, it’s just one of 12. Gabrielle: Each one as big as this? James "Jimmy" Chang: There’s ones even biggerǃ Gabrielle: That’s a pretty substantial network. James "Jimmy" Chang: Sure you don’t want a toke? Gabrielle: Well, since I’m with the king of green, why not? [takes blunt and takes drag] Frank: Look at this. I can’t believe I’m letting him off for half a mil. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Don’t get greedy. We hand over the documents. You get the money. Then you pay back your friend. Max Bassington: How fitting that you arrive at night. Really, Edward, your sense of timing is wonderfully theatrical. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: We thought you’d be keen to clean this mess up as soon as possible. Max Bassington: Quite right. Quite right. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: This is my, uh, associate, Susan Glass. Max Bassington: [kisses Susie's hand] Thrilled to meet you, Ms. Glass. Max Bassington: Eddie’s told me all about you. Susan "Susie" Glass: Hmm. Has he now? Max Bassington: Let me conclude this rather sordid little business, then, so we can get into the weeds and start hashing out a deal. Susan "Susie" Glass: Hmm. Max Bassington: That for me? Frank: [hands over envelope] It’s all there. Photographs, files, documents, the lot. Max Bassington: You didn’t look inside? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: No, I didn’t. Max Bassington: Good man, good man. [throws envelope into fireplace] Now, I’m well aware you could have some additional backup squirreled away somewhere. That’s why I wanted to have this little chat. Frank: This is the last you’ll see of me. You have my word. Max Bassington: [chuckles] Trouble is, your word’s absolutely meaningless. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Frank, I think you understand the gravity of the situation. You’re not to be heard from again, and if that’s understood, the money is yours. As promised. Frank: Just because you’ve got some muscle now doesn’t change what you really are. And what was in that envelope is as compromising as it gets for you and your career. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Whatever his father was doing, it’s over now. Frank: What are you talking about his father for? I wasn’t blackmailing his father, I was blackmailing that mad cuntǃ Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Well... that’s somewhat of a revelation, Maxie. Max Bassington: [chuckles] Okay. [chuckles] There’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for all of this, and it is nothing that will upset anyone unless they are... unbelievably oversensitive. Susan "Susie" Glass: Hold your horses, cowboy. I think you need to adjust your transparency settings. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: You need to tell us what is going on right now. Max Bassington: It’s nothing. It’s a little quirk. It’s a hobby. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Right... now. Max Bassington: Okay. If full transparency will help grease the wheels of industry, then, um... [opens secret book case door ] follow me. [showing paintings] What do you make of them? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: They seem, uh, unremarkable. Max Bassington: Take a closer look. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [leans in and studies painting signing] Adolf Hitler. Max Bassington: His use of light is second to none. If it wasn’t for the war, he’d be remembered with the likes of Monet. And I’m in possession of the largest collection of his work outside of Switzerland. He was a visionary. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: These painting are average, at best. Anyone who thinks otherwise is deluded. Max Bassington: I thought a man of your unique lineage might be able to appreciate the work of a true master. See beyond the reputation of the man to find the sublime in the malign. Frank: Your Lordship, maybe you could show them the crown jewels. Max Bassington: Maybe you’re right. After an injury at the Battle of the Somme, Adolf Hitler was examined by an army doctor. The records show that he lost a very particular part of his anatomy. When it came up for sale five years ago, I made sure nothing stood in my way. The sole physical remnant of the Führer of the Third Reich. Preserved in formaldehyde for nearly 80 years. Adolf Hitler’s nutball. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [leans in] You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Max Bassington: Had he not lost his right testicle, the balance between logic and creativity would have been held in check, and the world blessed with the next da Vinci. Instead, what was sweet turned sour, but no less creative. He still remained a brand genius. Think of the theater, the pageantry of the Third Reich. The Hugo Boss uniforms, the aesthetic construction of the Luger, the dynamic lines of the Messerschmitt. The ironic, iconic symbolism of the majestic eagle resting upon the ancient Indian symbol for peace. And just as the acorn retains the potential of the fully grown oak, I am now in possession of the genesis of Hitler’s creative genius. In his teste. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I’m not sure this is gonna work, Max. Susie, we’re done here. Max Bassington: Come on, Eddie, don’t be a wuss. Susan "Susie" Glass: Let’s not be too hasty, Edward. I don’t care about his ideological or his philosophical positions. I came to explore a possible business venture, and whatever’s floating around in that jar is gonna have an impact on our negotiations. Now, this is what’s called leverage, Eddie. We have a special rate for people like him. Max Bassington: What do you mean, people like me? Hilda : [grabs Frank's hand reaching for gun] Max! Max Bassington: Can’t let you do that, Frankǃ Frank: Whoa, whoa...! Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Everyone, just calm downǃ Max Bassington: I’m not gonna let anything jeopardize my career. You have no fucking idea how hard I’ve had to work to get into this positionǃ I’m gonna be a fucking star! Susan "Susie" Glass: [outside Dorset Hall] Got one body in the house that needs disposing of and one somewhat unsympathetic gentleman who requires your attention. Keith: What happened, boss? Susan "Susie" Glass: After a rather bizarre revelation... negotiations took an unexpected turn. [scenes of Max fighting Eddie, Susie and Frank] There were some minor disagreements about the deal structure. But Eddie here proved himself remarkably capable at arbitration. After the inevitable to-ing and fro-ing, we managed to iron out terms that were... [Frank smashes testicle jar on Max's head] acceptable to all parties. Keith: What do you want us to do? Susan "Susie" Glass: Impress upon Lord Fuckhead the details of our contract. Unless you have any objections, Your Grace? I know he was a family friend. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: No. Do your worst. Sabrina Horniman: My goodness, Edward. You simply reek of formaldehyde. Where on earth have you been? And why are you drinking whiskey first thing in the morning? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: The less said about that, the better. But, suffice to say, it’s been, uh… [clears throat] ...a rather long night. Sabrina Horniman: Oh. Well, whilst you’ve been gadding about doing God knows what, I have been finding solutions to our current predicament. Right. I’ve found a new home for your marijuana plantation. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: What? Sabrina Horniman: It’s Mr. Rokes, darling. From next door. He’s sitting on 2,000 acres that he can’t afford to keep, and he is longing to talk to someone about a long-term lease. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [chuckles] Well, well. You would not believe the things I’ve done in the last 48 hours, Mother. And you come along and... fix it all with a glass of sherry. Susan "Susie" Glass: [at a pub] I’ve got a lot of time for your mum. Takes good care of herself. Good sense of humor. A little bit eccentric, but who isn’t? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Just a little. So are you gonna talk to my neighbor, then? Susan "Susie" Glass: I’ll take the meeting. See if it’s appropriate. At least someone did their due diligence. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Despite the, uh, few minor niggles we might’ve come across in the last couple of days, you actually came out on top. Susan "Susie" Glass: I don’t appreciate being shot at, Edward. In fact, and this may come as a shock to you, given my chosen career path, I actually make a point of avoiding being shot at, at all times. Having said that, I will admit you proved yourself useful in the end. Jack Glass: [sits at table] Oi, oi, love birds. Don’t mind me. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Hello, mate. Jack Glass: Fire in the hole. I’ve gotta get this straight, ’cause Blanket was making no sense. According to him, you had a spin on master chef over there and blew up a load of Nazis. With a fucking grenade. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Nazi. Singular. Jack Glass: Now we have a rare art collection and two farms to set up. I take it all back. Suze, he’s a proper G. Susan "Susie" Glass: You’re a fucking idiot, Jack. Jack Glass: [raises glass] To Eddie, the grand duke of getting shit done. Susan "Susie" Glass: Hmm, no, no, no. I’m not cheersing to that. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: All right. Why don’t we cheers to looking in the envelope? Susan "Susie" Glass: To looking in the envelope. Jack Glass: Whatever the fuck that means. "I've Hundreds of Cousins" [1.05] Car Keys Chris, JP Ward's right hand: [Eddie, Susie, Keith and Blanket approach Travellers encampment] What you fucking gawping at? Keith: You, you baldy fucking cunt. Susan "Susie" Glass: All right, keep your hair on, pony boy. We want to speak to your head honcho, whoever’s in charge here. Car Keys Chris, JP Ward's right hand: Who’s asking? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: The people who kindly donated that generator to you. Striped-shirt traveller: JP! JP Ward: [looks out trailer] Kellie Ann! Kellie Ann: They’re the bastards who shot at us last night. JP Ward: Which one of them? Kellie Ann: That oneǃ JP Ward: [Blanket lifts up shirt to reveal gun in waistband] That’s not gonna save you here. Did you take a shot at my fucking family? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: We didn’t know it was children because it was very dark on account of our generators being recently appropriated. Susan "Susie" Glass: How about we have a little conversation, hmm? Maybe somewhere a bit more private. JP Ward: If you’ve something to say, say it. Kellie Ann: [holding out tray of drink] What are you doing, Mammy? JP Ward's mother: He’s a fucking duke, Kellie Ann. I’ve seen him in the papers. JP Ward: Go on. JP Ward's mother: Milk and sugar, Your Grace? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: A spot of milk, thank you. JP Ward's mother: It’s not every day we have royalty in the caravan. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Perfect. JP Ward: Thanks, Ma. JP Ward's mother: Mm. JP Ward: What do you want? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Assurances that you and your extended family will stay away from my property. JP Ward: ‘Cause you’re growing weed up there? Susan "Susie" Glass: What would give you that impression? JP Ward: Ah, I don’t know. Could be all the fucking generators. The comings, the goings. The army of Vietnamese weed trimmers that keep getting lost down our lanes. Or the fact one of the lads was looking in one of those blue barrels and found this. [throws bag of weed to Susie] Susan "Susie" Glass: Doesn’t prove anything. Are you trying to blackmail us? JP Ward: Ah, well, that depends on your definition of blackmail. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Perhaps you could help us clarify your definition. JP Ward: All right. [has discussion with family] I want in. Susan "Susie" Glass: Excusez-moi? JP Ward: We have all sorts of skills that could be useful in this business. I’m sure you can work it out. Susan "Susie" Glass: Right. I think this meeting’s reached its natural conclusion. [starts to leave and Eddie stops her] Edward "Eddie" Horniman: One second, Susie. Would you mind if, uh, my colleague and I have a brief word? JP Ward: Well, seeing as you’re a duke... be my guest. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Thank you. [has discussion with Susie and turns to JD] As it happens, we have a minor problem with the distribution of our product. Susan "Susie" Glass: It strikes us that you and your people might be pretty old hat at getting merchandise across the border. Bowl-cut traveller: That’s just a tired fucking cliché. [JD places hand on Bowl-cut's head] Susan "Susie" Glass: Is it true? Car Keys Chris, JP Ward's right hand: [points] Uh, he didn’t say it wasn’t true. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Your expertise could be useful in getting our product to Europe. Susan "Susie" Glass: What do you reckon? Is there a deal to be done? JP Ward: Youse are asking to dance with me, and you haven’t even bought me a drink. Susan "Susie" Glass: Hmm. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Well, what do you drink? JP Ward: What’s the story between you two? Looking very cozy on that couch the other night. If you know what I mean. Susan "Susie" Glass: It’s just a work thing. We’re associates, really. JP Ward: You see, I can tell by that glint in your eye that you’re the outlaw, Susie. I’d say you have a bit of rebel blood flowing through those veins. And a working-class girl like you and a duke, his type were locking up the likes of me and you since William the Conqueror. Susan "Susie" Glass: You’re not wrong. But we’re not here to talk about me, JP. We’re here to find out how you plan on pulling all this off. JP Ward: Well, this is the crack. Myself and me family are back and forth to Europe all the time. Sometimes via Ireland, sometimes not. One month, it could be a horse fair in Spain. Next month, it could be a trip to a campsite in Belgium. But this month, it’s gonna be a pilgrimage to Lourdes. [enters stables] James "Jimmy" Chang: [to Susie] Boss, if you would have told me in school that I’d be earning bare money shoving packs of weed up a Virgin Mary, I’d have said you’d gone mad, bruv. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [enters John's trailer] You heard? JP Ward: I heard. And what do you think, Eddie? Hmm? You’re putting me in a very awkward position. How do you reckon that? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Imagine if you were me, eh? How did we meet? We met because you were stealing from me. JP Ward: You need to take a closer look at everybody in your own fucking camp. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I’m not looking at them. I’m looking at you. Did you steal the money, John? JP Ward: Be very fucking careful, Eddie. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Did you steal... that money? [JP chuckles, pats Eddie's shoulder and walks out] Keith: [investigation theft of £4 million from cannabis grow-op] All sorted, Suze. Blanket: CCTV all cushty. Where are the travellers now? Keith: Looks like they’ve done a bunk. Susan "Susie" Glass: Well, get a crew together. I want ’em found. Do you understand? All hands on deck. Keith: Want me to head back to de Groot? Undo the damage, so to speak. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [descends stairs] Morning. [walks past her] Uh, quick word, Susan. Susan "Susie" Glass: [to Keith] Hold that thought. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Who benefits if we blame the travellers and lose our means of distribution in Europe? Susan "Susie" Glass: That shit-eating cunt from Belgium. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Exactly. I may have jumped the gun on JP. He’s a thief, but not our thief. They would’ve left immediately had they stolen the money. Susan "Susie" Glass: You think de Groot is orchestrating all this from Europe? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: He couldn’t do it on his own, could he? Susan "Susie" Glass: Agreed. He’d have to have someone on the inside. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Someone close. Someone probably at the farm. Susan "Susie" Glass: I think we need to take a little trip to Zeebrugge. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Hmm. Florian de Groot: [Eddie and Susie appear in front of him at an eating establishment table] Oh, Susie, Eddie. It’s so good to see you. [speaks French to server who leaves]Susan "Susie" Glass: Not for us. Keeping a cold stomach. Florian de Groot: Oh, there is always time for lunch. You are in Europe, my friends. And in Europe, we like to live a little. In England, you’re always so busy, huh? Tick-tock, tick-tock. Like the Big Ben. [chuckles]Server: [places down dish] Voilà, monsieur. Florian de Groot: Ah... Tartare de cheval. This is hor– Susan "Susie" Glass: Yeah, I know what it is. Florian de Groot: I always found the horse more delicate than the bull or the cow. [eats a forkful] I assume your presence here signify a willingness to reopen negotiations? Susan "Susie" Glass: In a manner of speaking. Florian de Groot: So you agree to my terms? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Actually, we’re here to offer you something... far more valuable. Florian de Groot: Oh, what is that? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: The antidote. Florian de Groot: An antidote for what? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: For the poison that’s currently sitting in your system that should be about to work around... now. Susan "Susie" Glass: That’s the thing about running an international crime syndicate. We can get to anyone. [scene of server administering a drop into Florian's dish]Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Your heart is beginning to beat at three times its normal rate on account of trying to keep your blood pressure up. In about five minutes, your body will go into shock. You’ll lose control of your bodily functions, and you’ll suffer from a massive cardiac arrest on account of the trauma done to your internal organs. Then... Well, then you’ll suffocate. Lying on this restaurant floor, gasping for air like a dying fucking fish. Unless you take that antidote. [Florian attempts to grab antidote vial and Eddie snatches it away] We need a name. Florian de Groot: [chokes] I don’t know what you mean. Susan "Susie" Glass: The clock is ticking, de Groot. Tick-tock, tick-tock. Like Big Ben, eh? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: You Europeans. So very slow. The name. [Florian writes out in notebook while heavily choking, hands it to Susie who shows it to Eddie] Disappointing. Susan "Susie" Glass: Very. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Here. [hands over vial to Florian who drinks it] You should be fine within the hour. Susan "Susie" Glass: Should you develop a sudden urge to inform said person of recent developments, remember how easy it was to get to you in the first place. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Have a good lunch, Mr. de Groot. [He and Susie walk away]Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [brings out whiskey bottle and pours a glass] So... how do you wanna handle him? Susan "Susie" Glass: There’s only one outcome. He’s a big boy. He knew the risks. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Yeah. [hands her a glass] Well, it’s not gonna be pleasant. Susan "Susie" Glass: It never is. I actually liked him. Thought he could be trusted. You never know, do you? You never fucking know. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Any preferences on how you wanna get it done? Susan "Susie" Glass: Offering your services? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Not directly. It’s not my world, Susie. But maybe there’s someone who could help. He might need a little convincing though. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [wandering through traveller camp] Gentlemen. A little heavily armed for this time of the morning. JP Ward: When you accuse someone of robbing four million from a drug baron, a man tends to get a bit paranoid. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Fair point. JP Ward: What the fuck do you want, Eddie? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I’m here to make things right. I want to offer you a gift by means of reparation. JP Ward: Oh, a gift? Man wants to offer us a giftǃ '''JP Ward's right hand: [chuckles] Fucking Santa Claus hereǃ JP Ward: Tell you what. How about I offer you a gift, Eddie? [punches Eddie in face] Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I guess I deserved that. All right. JP Ward: You said you’ve something for me. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Someone tried to set you up. JP Ward: Give me a name, Eddie. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I can do better than that. Susan "Susie" Glass: You reckon the Belgian came up with it on his own? Bobby Glass: Well, it wasn’t Keith’s idea, was it? He ain’t got the bandwidth. Susan "Susie" Glass: What if Keith was just a symptom, not the cause? Bobby Glass: What do you mean? What symptom? No one’s fucking ill, are they? Susan "Susie" Glass: No. Look, it’s a pattern, innit? Van load of weed vanishing. Blockades on the continent. Rats in the kitchen. It’s all adding up to something. Bobby Glass: All right, all right. We’ve had a few problems, and you sorted it out. Salute. But we got the product going out, we got money coming in, all right? All we need to do is steady the ship, and then we can see what happens. Susan "Susie" Glass: There’s dark clouds coming. I can feel it. I think we need to down periscope and start firing some torpedoes. Bobby Glass: No, you’re not fucking listening to meǃ I’m the captain, and I say full steam ahead. Keith: [exits vehicle in forest] What’s this, Eddie? Teddy bears’ fucking picnic? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: You know what this is, Keith. Keith: Oh, come on. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: You know what happens next. Sorry, Keith. Car Keys Chris, JP Ward's right hand: Move. JP Ward: Are you a bit deaf... as well as a snake? Fucking move. Keith: Fuck you. [spits] Fuck you and all. [walks to a site] Glad it’s not Blanket. I appreciate that. You’re a good man, Eddie. JP Ward: Eyes on me, Keith. Keith: Why am I looking at you? You’re a dead man walking. You think you’re all so hard. Bobby Glass is gonna shit the lot of ya. I know how many bodies there are ’cause I fucking buried ’em, Eddie. I’ve seen behind the curtain, and none of you are ready for it. You’re all fucked. Every one of ya. It’s just a matter of fucking time, really. [points] Same thing’ll happen to you in the end, Eddie. You work for Bobby Glass now. There’s no way out. They’ll get you eventually. Just like me. Just like Jethro. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: What did you say? Keith: What, didn’t she tell ya? Nah, of course she fucking didn’t. Jethro’s at the bottom of the Thames. Car Keys Chris, JP Ward's right hand: JP, I’m begging on my arse, will you shoot this fucking gomey? Keith: You think you got a choice? You’re fucking kidding yourself. You can’t trust her. You can’t trust any of ’emǃ [JD shoots Keith in the head]Susan "Susie" Glass: [calling] Is it done? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: It’s done. "All Eventualities" [1.06] Geoff Seacombe: Like to join me in a glass of, uh, sloe gin, Your Grace? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Thanks, Geoff. Geoff Seacombe: [referring to hedgehog on chair] You can put Milligan on the floor there. It’s way past his bedtime anyway. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Right. [relocates Milligan]Geoff Seacombe: Yeah, anywhere will do. [referring to facial injuries] Everything all right, Your Grace? :Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Yeah. You were right, however, about Susie and the Glass family. Some information has come to light that suggests Susie and the Glass family are... If I try and extract us from the situation, they’re willing to kill me. Geoff Seacombe: I thought you two were getting along okay. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Well, we were. But not anymore. Geoff Seacombe: You might wanna sniff that. What do you smell? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Almonds. Geoff Seacombe: You gotta take your time when you’re making sloe gin. It’ll turn that rich magenta color after a couple of weeks. Most people leave it at that. But to get that full flavor... you gotta leave it a couple of years. Underappreciated quality these days, patience. Let it play out. You continue to deliver on your end of the bargain and see how they respond. Don’t let ’em know what you’re thinking. And meanwhile, prepare for all eventualities. Susan "Susie" Glass: [Jack knocks out opponent in a boxing match] Fucking nice! Jack Glass: Told you I’d knock him out in the third, didn’t I, Suze? Susan "Susie" Glass: You did, to be fair. Jack Glass: Told her, the third. Henry Collins: Great work, Jack, come here. [embraces Jack] Now, that was a fucking masterclass. Never a dull moment when you’re in that ring. You are a proper weapon, son. It’s time we start talking about giving you a shot at a proper belt. Jack Glass: Now, that sounds amazing. Don’t it, Suze? Susan "Susie" Glass: Well, brains, brawn, and beauty. You’re a triple threat, Jack. Henry Collins: Suze, are you gonna be joining us this evening? Gonna raise a glass to your brother’s glittering future. Susan "Susie" Glass: ‘Course I will. But Eddie and I, we’ve got a little bit of business to attend to first. Henry Collins: Oh, this is the duke, is it? [shakes hands] Hello. Nice to meet you. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Nice to meet you too. Henry Collins. Henry Collins: How do you think the boy performed? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Best I’ve seen him. Henry Collins: Get yourself cleaned up, Jack, and I’ll see you later. See you later. Come on. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Let’s have this meeting with Chucky, then. Susan "Susie" Glass: Okay. Well, before I introduce you, I should warn you, he’s a bit of a strong flavor. Chucky Kubra: These corn dogs, they’re gonna blow up. They’re the new money spinner. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Corn dogs? No. That’s not good enough. In fact, it’s ridiculous. Chucky Kubra: Suze, I love you, I respect you, I wouldn’t lie to you, you know that. This is no ordinary corn dog, yeah? This is a spicy Korean corn dog. They’re the future. My Stella put me onto it. She’s into K-pop and all that shit. Can I have a drink, please? Ishy: ‘Course you can. Chucky Kubra: Thank you. I’m thirsty. Diabetes will do that to you. Ishy: Vodka okay? Chucky Kubra: Eddie, look, I can see that you’re a bit dubious, yeah? I’ll be honest with you with it. You got a weird fucking vibe. But that don’t matter. To make you feel better, all you need to know is that when it comes to cleaning paisa, we are the best in the street. I’m ahead of the game on a lot of things. Susan "Susie" Glass: He is. It’s true. Ishy: Yeah, man. Fucking juice bars, pioneered ’em. Fucking poke bowls. I don’t know what a poke bowl is. Do you? Who fucking cares? I’ve sold millions of ’em. Yeah? Avocados. People paying top fucking money for something that tastes like a house brick. Are you mad? I sold ’emǃ Edward "Eddie" Horniman: All right, I... I get it. Thank you. What’s the timeline? Chucky Kubra: How much is it? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Fifteen. Susan "Susie" Glass: As discussed. Chucky Kubra: What about four or five months? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: No, no. I told you. That’s not good enough. Chucky Kubra: Brother Eddie. What’s wrong with you? Yeah? Chill the fuck outǃ Have a massage. Have a wankǃ Even better, get a good woman in your life. [takes tablet from Ishy] Gimme that. [shows Eddie tablet] There she is. My Stella. Yeah? I don’t fall in love. I’m not a pussyhole. But this woman here, she’s done voodoo on me. [Susies sees on CCTV monitor Jack cavorting with Stella leading her into shower room] I’m in love, proper, yeah? She’s the most beautiful bastard I’ve ever witnessed personally. What do you reckon? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: You’re a very lucky man, Chucky. Chucky Kubra: Thank you. Where is she anyway, by the way? Susan "Susie" Glass: I will go get her for you. Chucky Kubra: Thank you, Sister Suze. Susan "Susie" Glass: You guys wait here. [calling outside shower stall] Jack. You’d better not be doing what I think you’re doing. Jack Glass: [pokes head] Just give us a couple of minutes. Susan "Susie" Glass: You taking the fucking piss? Chucky Kubra: Suze, where are ya? Susan "Susie" Glass: There’s a time and a placeǃ What’s wrong with you?ǃ Chucky Kubra: Suze! [appears] Hold on a minuteǃ What the fuck is going on in here?ǃ Ishy! Jack Glass: [appears] Chucky. [chuckles] It’s not what it looks like. Chucky Kubra: What’s not what it fucking looks like? [peers in shower stall] You motherfucker! Have you took advantage of my girl? Jack Glass: Not exac– [Chucky punches Jack]Chucky Kubra: You don’t know who I am! You think I’m scared of you, behenchod?ǃ [Chucky punches Jack]Susan "Susie" Glass: Chucky, calm down, right?ǃ Chucky Kubra: I’m not calming down. [to Jack] You! I’m not scared of youǃ Let’s have it! Let’s have it right nowǃ I am Chucky “The Cobra” Kubra. No– [Jack knocks him out]Ishy: What the fuck, bro?ǃ What the fuck’s going on?ǃ Someone wanna tell me what’s going on?ǃ Do you know who you fucked with?ǃ This is Chucky “The Cobra”! Stella: I was just looking at his cuts. You know I’ve got a first aid certificate. Keep your head tilted backǃ Chucky Kubra: What do you think I’m doing?ǃ Susan "Susie" Glass: Look, Chucky, I’m really sorry about all this. Chucky Kubra: Susie Glass, you can go and fuck yourself, yeah?ǃ I’m not cleaning nothing for youǃ We are doneǃ Wankers! [leaves]Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Well, that went well. Susan "Susie" Glass: I’ll leave him to cool his jets. I’ll un-fuck the situation in the morning. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: We’ve gone from two months to four, and, by the looks of it, to not at all. Susan "Susie" Glass: I’ll get it sorted. Henry Collins: Eddie, glad you made it. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Henry. [shakes hands]Henry Collins: [referring to Jack sitting at bar with Susie] Look at him. Magnificent specimen. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Depends how you define specimen. If you’re looking for a dog with six dicks, he’s your specimen. Henry Collins: Well, there is some truth in that. You know, Jack’s biggest problem is Jack. I worked with a lot of boys over the years, six of ’em champions. Difference is, every one of ’em, 100% commitment. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Mm. He’s 100% committed to the lifestyle. The question is, does he have his family’s ambition? Henry Collins: [gestures] I got us a nice table. [leads Eddie to table] I’m curious, Eddie. How did you get ringside with Susie Glass? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I was a captain in the Queen’s Dragoon Guards. My father died, I came back, and I inherited some of his... business interests. Henry Collins: Oh yeah? [pulls down shirt collar to reveal tattoo] Two Para. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: How many tours? Henry Collins: Three tours of Sangin. War recalibrates a man’s philosophies, his priorities. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Indeed. [servers hands drinks] Thanks. Henry Collins: Slainte. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Cheers. Henry Collins: You and Susie straighten out that business matter? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Ah, it was a minor domestic issue. Hopefully, nothing that can’t be ironed out. Henry Collins: You worked with Chucky before? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I never mentioned Chucky. Henry Collins: Well, he wouldn’t be my first choice, if you know what I mean. He wouldn’t be my second choice either. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Do you know anyone more appropriate? Henry Collins: I know a lot of people, Eddie. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Rosie Rosanne "Rosie": Look who’s here. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Hmm. How are you? Thanks for meeting me. Rosanne "Rosie": To what do I owe the honor? Business or pleasure? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Little bit of both. I managed to get myself embroiled in a situation I’m not sure I can get myself out of. I might need your help. Rosanne "Rosie": Must be serious. I can’t remember a single moment I’ve seen you ask anybody for help about anything. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: It’s about our friend Stanley Johnston. Rosanne "Rosie": That’s why you wanted to see me? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Still in contact with him? Rosanne "Rosie": Yeah, I see him from time to time. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Good. Rosanne "Rosie": I can help you, if that’s what you want. I should warn you, though, he’s not a good person. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Oh, that’s fine by me. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Mr. Lawrence, could you remove that, please? Mr. Lawrence: Of course, sir. It was left there by your brother. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Oh yes, I’m aware. Mr. Lawrence: Eggs Benedict? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Yes, please. And some tea. Thank you. Sabrina Horniman: Darling, you ought to talk to Freddy. His recent obsession with marijuana production is really too much. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Right. Sabrina Horniman: He’s started talking to the plants. Tamasina "Tammy" Horniman: And when he’s not talking to them, he’s talking about them, and it’s very fucking boring. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: All right. [cell phone buzzes] All right. I promise I’ll have a word with him. [answers phone] Hello? Susan "Susie" Glass: You slinked off a bit early last night, didn't you. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I had to go and see an old friend. How did it go with Chucky? Susan "Susie" Glass: The situation turns out to be a little more complicated than anticipated. Chucky Kubra: [on live video call] This is a special shout out to all my mandem worldwide, yeah? Brum-town boys. When you see this skinny, handsome bastard, yeah, fucking grab him by the neck and crush him like a cockroachǃ Susan "Susie" Glass: Chucky had a busy night in the world of social media. Chucky Kubra: On sight, smash all his nan’s windows, fuck him up, or shag his dadǃ Whatever you like, manǃ Penetrate, penetrateǃ Susan "Susie" Glass: The upshot is that my brother needs to take a sojourn for a few days. We need him to focus on his training. No distractions. Ishy: [points] On sightǃ Chucky Kubra: [gestures] Bang bangǃ Susan "Susie" Glass: Given how eager you are to move things on swiftly, I wondered if you might be willing to let him come and stay. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: For fuck’s sake. You were supposed to sort this. Susan "Susie" Glass: And I’m in the process of doing exactly that. After all, Jack did bang Chucky’s missus. The polite thing to do is to allow sobriety to percolate. Then I’ll remind him of how hierarchy operates. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Fine. Jack Glass: Sweet. Sabrina Horniman: Are we expecting guests? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: It would appear so, yes. Mr. Lawrence: Here you are, sir. This way. Geoffrey Seacombe: [setting up punching bag in barn] Susie Glass’s brother? Jack Glass: The one and only. Yeah. In, uh, the middleweight eliminator. Geoffrey Seacombe: Well, Mr. Big Time, jump on the bag and show us what you’ve got. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: [in cannabis grow-op] Welcome to the cauldron of creativity, brother. James, would you give us the floor? James "Jimmy" Chang: Oh, yeah, of course. [fist bumps Freddy] Relax. You got this, fam. [leaves]Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: That’s cool. Thanks, man. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: So what’s this little project you’ve got going with Jimmy? Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: [chuckles] Okay, well, first of all, it’s not just a little fucking... [sighs deeply] The point is, this time, I did something extraordinary. And your bosses are gonna wanna hear about it. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: All right, Freddy. I have no doubt. I just wanna temper your expectations. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: That’s fine, that’s fine. Temper away. Go ahead and temper those expectations. I’m about to exceed yours. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [Freddy places potted plant on table] What exactly is that? Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: See, what happened was, I meet this guy. Old guy, big beard, looked like Jesus. Starts telling me about this project he’s been working on. Growing sativa marijuana seeds in the same soil as coca plants. See, what happens is, over time, the seeds start to absorb the properties from the coke plants, and, eventually, voilà! Crack weed. Or weed crack. I can’t remember which way– Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I have to stop you there. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: No, let me finish, okay? Look, I know... I know this sounds crazy– And scientifically impossible. Look, I appre– This shit is gonna be a fucking game changer for the business. The bottom line is, I just… I just need you to arrange a sit-down for me with Susie, okay? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: What? Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: And... possibly also with her dad. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: No. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Pleaseǃ Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Circumstances have changed, all right? The Glasses can’t be trusted. They’re exploiting us. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Fuck itǃ Let’s exploit them right backǃ Edward "Eddie" Horniman: They are dangerous, all right? Susie had Jethro killed. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Who the fuck is Jethro? Who... Oh, [makes headphone gesture] the... the guy with the... Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Yeah, yeah. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Okay, all right. Okay. Okay. Okay. All right. Well, obviously, I mean, that is pretty bad. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: The point is, Freddy, they lied to us. Susie lied to us. They have no intention of ever leaving our land. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Maybe we don’t want them to leave. Listen, Eddie, I know… I know I can be a touch unreliable at times, but I really think I’m onto something here. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: You know what I think, Freddy? I think that you are an addict. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: What the fuck has that– Edward "Eddie" Horniman: And this is one of many indulgences that I’m gonna have to bail you out of. This is not a game, Freddy. They will kill you. They will kill me. They will kill our entire fucking family if it helps them get what they want. I’m not gonna change my mind. Henry Collins: [to pyrotechnics engineer] No, no, no. Your timing’s off. I’ve told ya, the flames shoot up when the horns come in, all right? It’s gotta be perfect. Bang on the button. Pyrotechnics engineer: Yes, boss. Henry Collins: Get it right. All right, Eddie? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Hello. Henry Collins: Sorry. I’m a perfectionist when it comes to things like this. Showmanship is the key thing that pulls the punters in the door. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I’ll bet. Shame about the view. Henry Collins: Oh yeah, magnificent, innit? I bought it during the crash. Half finished. Developer went tits up. He moonwalked off to Dubai. I nicked it, to be honest with ya. You know why? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Why? Henry Collins: Because I knew... I knew that deep down, no matter how long, no matter how bad things got, I knew the crowds would be back for the fight. At the end of the day, we’re just a bunch of Neanderthals. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Well, speak for yourself, Henry. Henry Collins: Well, when you strip it all back, that’s all that’s left. Impulse. Instinct. Survival. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Maybe you’re right. I wanted to pick up on the conversation we had the other night. Henry Collins: Oh yeah? What part exactly? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Don’t be coy, Henry. Henry Collins: How much are you looking to wash? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Fifteen million. Henry Collins: Hmm. You got the sign-off from Susie on this? Only in the past, when I’ve tested the water with her, she didn’t wanna mix church with state. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Don’t worry about Susie. Or Bobby. Henry Collins: How fast do you need it? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Two weeks. Henry Collins: Well, you don’t fuck about, do you? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Like you said, impulse, instinct, survival. Henry Collins: I’m gonna introduce you to an associate of mine. But I gotta warn ya, he’s the most boring man you’ll ever meet. Eddie, meet Thick Rick. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Pleasure to meet you. Thick Rick: Likewise. Henry Collins: Rick started out as an accountant, but he was too partial to having a flutter. Clocked up a level of debt that necessitated a sideline in creative accountancy. Gamekeeper turned poacher, you could say. Rick, tell Eddie how the magic happens. Thick Rick: It all begins in the betting shop at the conclusion of the fight. When the loser is determined, whoever he may be, he will suddenly discover that a multitude of bets have been placed on this unfortunate fighter… Henry Collins: Thing about Rick is, he actually finds all this stuff interesting. Offshore, onshore, mitigation, amortization... I’m falling asleep just talking about it. All you need to know is, he’s reliable. His commission is extremely reasonable. Blah, blah, blah. If anyone ever questioned his numbers, he’d bore them into submission with such tedious, repetitive, and dull information that they’d give up long before he would, as he’s the ultimate cure for insomnia. It’s hard to make money boring, but not so for Rick. It does mean you can put your feet up whilst he does the work and delivers you back... Fifteen million quid. Minus a very reasonable 5%, of course. Bookmakers like Rick are part of my business setup, but I have to keep them at arms’ length. Because he’s too fucking boring. Like I said, you know, for me, it’s all about the boxing. What about you, Eddie? How’s this all sounding? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Honestly, I think it sounds perfect. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [at Chucky's residence] Could you help me? Give me a hand? Ishy: Yeah. Chucky Kubra: Ishy, hold on, hold on... Can I borrow you for a second, Eddie? Come here. Changed your fucking tune, haven’t ya? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Excuse me? Chucky Kubra: Last time we were face to face, brother, you were looking at me like I were a fucking numpty. Isn’t that right? Ishy: That’s right. Chucky Kubra: And as far as I can remember, you were very cynical about this operation. Is that right, Ishy? Ishy: That’s right. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Yeah, well, it’s not up to me. Chucky Kubra: Where the fuck is this guy going? And you know what else, yeah? When I was explaining timescales to you, you had a right fucking face on, like I farted in your nan’s mouth. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Look, I don’t wanna do this. I just wanna get the fucking job done. Chucky Kubra: Well, listen to me, yeah? We are gonna do this, and I’ll tell you what else. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: What? Chucky Kubra: You have got a void in your soul, man. Yeah? A darkness. When I was sat in Susie’s office, looking at you, thinking, “This handsome behenchod don’t believe in my corn dogs.” If you don’t believe in this fucking project, nobody can believe in this fucking project. [points] You are gonna believe in this fucking project. Get me some corn dogsǃ Ishy: What flavor? Chucky Kubra: Any fucking flavor! Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I don’t... I don’t need a corn dog. I don’t need convincing. I’m sorry, all right? Let’s just get the job done, please. Chucky Kubra: Your vibes are fucked. Look around you. We’re alive, aren’t we? Breathe in. Breathe in the good vibes. Fuck off the bad ones. I don’t know what you’re in a rush for. Susie said, “Take your time.” Edward "Eddie" Horniman: What did she say? Chucky Kubra: She goes, “Four, five, six months. It don’t fucking matter.” Take my time, so stop rushing me. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I’ll take them into your house myself. Ishy: [holds hands to Eddie's chest] Whoa, whoa, whoa. Ease up, brother. Where are you going? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I’m not eating thatǃ Ishy: [pokes Eddie in stomach] In about ten seconds, this halal corn dog is gonna be in your bellyǃ You’re gonna eat it ’cause Chucky said eat itǃ Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [places bags on Henry's desk] Five bags. Three in each. Henry Collins: What do you reckon? Thick Rick: I think it’s disgusting. Dirty as fuck. Henry Collins: Let’s go to work. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [on phone] I made an executive decision. [scenes of Eddie beating Ishy]Susan "Susie" Glass: Where are you? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [in flashback] Put the bags in the fucking carǃ Susan "Susie" Glass: This all seems very official. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I’ve decided to use Henry Collins to wash the money. Susan "Susie" Glass: I thought I gave you clear instructions. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Well, you did. I chose to use the more efficient one. Collins will get it done quicker. Susan "Susie" Glass: I want Henry’s attention to be on my brother’s career. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Well, he can do both. Susan "Susie" Glass: Maybe he can. But you don’t have carte blanche to go over my head when you choose. There’s an order to things. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Oh, I am acutely aware of my status in this organization, Susie. Susan "Susie" Glass: Unfortunately, we already have a pre-existing agreement with Chucky. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Not anymore you don’t. Susan "Susie" Glass: What have you done, Captain? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: You told Chucky to slow things down. Not speed them up. Susan "Susie" Glass: Why would I do that? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Because you and your father never had any intention of letting me go. Susan "Susie" Glass: That’s a very wild accusation. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [leans forward] Why don’t you deny it, then, hmm? Why don’t you tell me when you and your father are gonna get off my land? Susan "Susie" Glass: After we wash the 15 million. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Let me ask you another question. Where’s Jethro? Susan "Susie" Glass: The reason Jethro is dead was to protect you and your fucked-up, cocaine-addicted brother from the shitstorm that was coming your way. One day, Jethro was gonna become a problem. So I dealt with it. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I’m gonna ask you one more time. When will you let me and my family go? Susan "Susie" Glass: Never. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: You underestimate me, Susan. There is nothing that I won’t do to protect my family. Susan "Susie" Glass: Careful there, soldier. I can be nice, and I can be not so nice. You’ve only seen me on one setting. Susan "Susie" Glass: [approaches Jack before boxing match] You all right, babe? You know, it’s weird. Jack Glass: I’m actually fucking nervous. Susan "Susie" Glass: I never get nervous. You got nothing to worry about, Jack. Look, do you remember that Christmas when Dad got you your first pair of boxing gloves? You were, what, four years old? Jack Glass: Yeah. And he told me to hit him as hard as I could. Susan "Susie" Glass: You did. Punched him straight in the bollocks. He couldn’t walk for a week. He was five times your size, Jack. You had nothing to be scared of then, and you’ve got nothing to be scared of now. Stanley Johnston: Do you know what I love about the British aristocracy? They’re the original gangsters. The reason they own 75% of this country is because they stole it. William the Conqueror was worse than Al Capone. When he came over from France, he grabbed hold of everything he could get his hands onto, and then he set up a system so that he and his friends got to hold onto it forever. Taxation. Education. The judiciary. It’s all designed to help the aristocracy hold on to their land and their money. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Well, I think I may agree with you. But I’d prefer to leave the criminality to my ancestors. However, the hold on my estate is being challenged. I’ve come to the realization that I may need some assistance in order to rectify the situation. Stanley Johnston: Well, then you’ve come to the right man. It would come with an element of quid pro quo. Do you think you can get comfortable with that? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I’m willing to do whatever it takes, Mr. Johnston. Boxing match staffer: Mr. Collins would like a word. He says it’s important. Susan "Susie" Glass: This is all very ominous. Better not be an issue with my money. Henry Collins: Oh, no, it’s not about the money. It’s about your brother. Susan "Susie" Glass: What about my brother? He’s about to beat ten types of shit out of an Uzbek right now. Henry Collins: Yeah. Well, unfortunately, that’s not how this is gonna end. It’s a shame, you know. I quite like the kid, actually. But sadly, he’s connected to a bigger picture. When I see a chance to, uh, expand my business, I can’t help myself. I jump at it. Susan "Susie" Glass: We’re missing the fight. Maybe you could get to the point. Henry Collins: Fifteen million. That’s a lot of money. My understanding is that it’s from one farm in the last month alone. Well, you multiply that by 14, and you’re left with two and a half billion pound a year. Susan "Susie" Glass: Hmm. Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you. We’re not looking for investors or partners. Once you’ve cleaned the 15, we’re good. Henry Collins: Oh, I’m not looking to invest. I’m taking over. Susan "Susie" Glass: You’re a boxing promoter. And a money launderer. You wanna stay in your fucking lane. Henry Collins: You’re very smart, Susie. Clever. But you clearly haven’t done your homework on me. I could’ve shown you the same treatment as I’m showing your brother, but out of respect, I’m making you this offer. There are two paths available to ya. The path of least resistance... You hand over your business to me right here, right now, and you accept my offer with grace and intelligence. Then there’s the other path. Hmm, that’ll end up in a war. Starting with the obliteration of your lovely brother. I’m not gonna kill him, out of respect for you. But I am gonna hurt him so you know I’m serious. Susan "Susie" Glass: If my brother was talking to you now, he’d say the same as me. I’ll take my chances. Henry Collins: Yeah, I thought you might say that. The thing about fixing fights, it’s quite interesting. You need a very special kind of fighter. A ringer. The Butcher there, he’s just that rare breed of warrior. No ego. Willing to look bad for profit. His record might be three wins in 30 fights, but all 27 of those losses are fights he’s thrown. So when he does win, the purse he’s built up is so big, it’s worth his while. Because the truth is, he’s an unstoppable monster. The ref ain’t gonna help you either. Whilst he’s a happily married father of three, his love for chop and brass means that he’ll do exactly as he’s told. So when I give the nod and it’s time for Jack to go down, and he is going down, the chances are he’ll stay down. You underestimate us at your peril. Susan "Susie" Glass: crossed the river Rubicon with his army, he deliberately went to war with the Roman state. It was a point of no return. The problem with your offer is that it’s too late. The Rubicon’s already been crossed, Henry. You’re wrong about me not knowing you. Henry Collins: I know you’re no Julius Caesar, and you have no idea about the river in which you have chosen to swim. It is dark and full of terrors. Susan "Susie" Glass: You may have a small army, but I am the state. I am the house. I am the establishment. And you are ill-equipped physically, martially, and intellectually for the fight you’ve mistakenly chosen to pick. Henry Collins: Your dad’s in prison, and you’re under-armed and underqualified. Take the offer, and we’ll look after you both. We’ll see how you feel tomorrow. You look after yourself. "Not Without Danger" [1.07] Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Tell me what happened. James "Jimmy" Chang: So the two of them just went at it. And then the Uzbek guy was like, boom, boom. But Jack, he just kept fighting, punching, like, bam and shuffle, shuffle. Bam! But the Uzbek geezer, he was a ringer. And then Jack just dropped. And that just made us all sad. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Jimmy, what about Susie? What was she saying? James "Jimmy" Chang: A lot of bad words. Like "F" and "C." Edward "Eddie" Horniman: What about Henry Collins? James "Jimmy" Chang: Yeah, I think he was the "C." Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Has she been back to the farm yet? James "Jimmy" Chang: Nah. I think she's at home, innit. Being sad. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Where's that? James "Jimmy" Chang: What? Her home? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Yes, Jimmy. Where's her home? James "Jimmy" Chang: Your Grace, that's, like, a secret. Not even I'm supposed to know. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: But you do know, don't you, Jimmy? James "Jimmy" Chang: S-Sort of. Susan "Susie" Glass: You all right, Dad? Bobby Glass: How is he? Susan "Susie" Glass: Yeah, he's good. Prognosis is looking really good. You know how fit he is. Bobby Glass: Right. Then why are you going around killing people? You think I don't know everything that's going on around here? You see, uh you've gotta fucking stop. Susan "Susie" Glass: Why? Bobby Glass: Because if I know, fucking Collins knows, and I need to get Collins without him fucking knowing. What did you think you was doing?ǃ Broad daylight! Bent ref, claret on the lawn outside his house, fixing a fucking BMX! Now you've finished your amuse-bouche, you move on to the starter. 240 pounds of prime, sweaty Uzbek. Drive-by, on the jog, in the park. Out the fucking window! You're on the main course, Henry Collins himself. But you can't find him, so you threaten the bookie. You don't nick one bollock, you nick twoǃ But you don't get your manǃ I'm just the money guyǃ I don't know where he is! You're not thinking with your business brainǃ You're thinking with your emotional feelings. And now Collins knows you're comingǃ Susan "Susie" Glass: Good. I want him to know I'm coming. Bobby Glass: He's up to something. Otherwise, why is he walking about like Billy Big Bollocks?! Susan "Susie" Glass: A rush of blood?ǃ I don't know! Who gives a fuck? He needs to be stopped, Dad! Bobby Glass: [calm voice] Well, that's fine. That's fine. [points] But not by you. You fucking stand down. I've got people to do this. Do you hear me? [in endearing voice] You're my angel of life, not my angel of death. This ain't for you. Now, look, look. I don't wanna lose you too. Susan "Susie" Glass: [scoffs] Fucking hell, Dad. He's not dead. Bobby Glass: I know. Susan "Susie" Glass: What are you gonna do? Bobby Glass: You leave it to your old man. You go home, have something to eat, and put your feet up. Relax. Susan "Susie" Glass: Yeah, I will. "The Gospel According to Bobby Glass" [1.08] Stanley Johnston: I am a great believer in the importance of sartorial expression. There’s nothing wrong with conformity, as long as you know you’re conforming. Whilst I might dress like a sheep, there are various tell-tale signs that betray to the esoteric eye that I am, in fact, a wolf… in sheep’s clothing. Emory Stevens: [chuckles] Do you have an occasion in mind for its unveiling? Stanley Johnston: I do indeed. A new suit for a new era. John "The Gospel" Dixon: [places hand on Jack's head while in coma] His spirit is strong, and his flesh will follow the spirit. Susan "Susie" Glass: That’s a comforting thought. John "The Gospel" Dixon: [calls Freddy outside the manor] Hello, Freddy. I’ve come to collect a debt. A debt that you owe me. Now, we can do this one of two ways. You’re coming out, or I’m coming in. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: [The Gospel and his men are waiting outside the manor doors] Okay. Enough’s enough. [heads to door] Guys, I love ya. It’s been nice knowing ya. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [approaches] Freddy, Freddy! Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: No, this is my mess, and it is time I finally fucking faced up to it. Tamasina "Tammy" Horniman: [she and Sabrina closes door] I will not fucking let youǃ Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: It’s okay. It’s okay. Guys, it’s okay. Because this is nothing less than I deserve. I am a massive piece of shit. Yeah? And if those guys out there let me live, I’ll just go right back to being a piece of shit. Am I wrong? Edward, am I wrong? Exactly. But it’s okay. Because this is the one time I can do something selfless. The one chance I have to reclaim a shred of human dignity. So don’t take that away from me. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Don’t do that. Freddy, it’s not dignity. It is pain and violence and death. Now, we love you. [places hand on Freddy's jaw] And, yes, you can be a bit of a prick. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Big prick. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Big prick. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Big, old prick. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: But right now, we need you. All right? Bobby Glass: [to Eddie and Susie] You know why I love pigeons so much? They symbolize the harmony of man with nature. Even before Noah touched dry land, we were working together, man and bird. Have you ever heard of, uh, Cher Ami? Well, the last year of the Great War, 500 French soldiers were trapped behind enemy lines. They were getting shelled by their own firm. So this major, he sends the pigeon off for help. Now, this pigeon, he gets shot in the breast, loses an eye, his poor little leg is hanging from a strand. But he flies all the way back to base, delivers the message, and the troops are saved. Because of that pigeon. Now, the French, they awarded the pigeon the Medal of Valor. You see, pigeons, they have values. Loyalty. Bravery. Integrity. I need you two to bury the hatchet, for want of a word. The moral of the story is, you need to take the blows, accept the blame, all for the sake of the bigger picture. I need you two to be my Chers Amis, ’cause I can’t be dealing with any more shenanigans like this morning. [Eddie going outside with guns drawn to see The Gospel and his men disappeared] No one wants that Scouse headbanger kicking in the front door followed by his army of God-drunk luna-cunts. I made it clear to Mr. Dixon that if he went back home, I’d make it up to him. So now, Eddie, you’ve gotta make it up to me. Sit the fuck down. It’s like dealing with a couple of kids. I’ve been reviewing my situation. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m done, I’m out, I’m finished. Jack’s gonna be all right, but I see this as a sign. Uh, an epiphany, so to speak. So I’m just gonna sell the business. Simple as that. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: What does that mean about our deal? I want out. I don’t want to segue from growing weed into mass-producing methamphetamines. Bobby Glass: Yeah, I understand that, and, you know, and I will stand by what I said. You know? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: You do realize you’re doing exactly what Mr. Johnston wants you to? Bobby Glass: Mr. Johnston hasn’t got a fucking clue about the nuances of the situation. So, no, I ain’t giving no one fuck all. Especially the Septic. Now, I’m gonna be selling to the highest bidder, and I’ll accept offers in excess of 150 mill. All bids have gotta be in by the end of the week. All I want you to do is work with Susie and make sure she gets the best deal. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: And why me exactly? Bobby Glass: It ain’t gone unnoticed that you two have become a right double act working together. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Why didn’t you say anything back there? You’ve been running the operation for years. Gonna let him sell it out from under you? Susan "Susie" Glass: I’m an employee, Eddie. Just like you. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: What do you mean? He’s your father. He didn’t even ask your opinion. Susan "Susie" Glass: He didn’t ask for yours either. You went behind my back, Eddie. Not once, but twice. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Well, I think it’s safe to say we both made some miscalculations, to put it mildly, but it’s business, Susan. Susan "Susie" Glass: Got your way in the end, didn’t you? Dad’s selling up, and you’re getting out. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: What about you? You’re a little young to retire. Susan "Susie" Glass: I can think of worse things for the soul than getting my full ten hours and bingo on a Wednesday. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Quite. Susan "Susie" Glass: He’s made up his mind. Let’s just do what the old man says and be done with it. Stanley Johnston: I’ve made no secret of my desire to take control of your father’s organization. I am aware that it’s been faced with serious disruption over the last few months. Product gone missing. Pipelines blocked. Punches being thrown. Susan "Susie" Glass: Hmm. We’re aware that you’re behind all of that. But you crossed the line when it came to my brother. Stanley Johnston: You rejected my initial approach. I needed to convince you and your father that I was in earnest. Now, I’m prepared to enter into negotiations over the peaceful handover of your business, but you must understand that I’m doing it from a position of considerable strength. Ms. Glass, what you seem not to know is that one of your disgruntled staff has leaked to me the 12 addresses of the other farms. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I’m afraid not. The list that I gave to Mr. Stevens was, in fact, spurious. Stanley Johnston: I was under the impression it was verified. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: No. You’ve been the victim of a deception, Mr. Johnston. Stanley Johnston: I must admit, I was surprised to see you arriving together. Why the change of heart? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Felt like a pivotal moment. So I pivoted. Susan "Susie" Glass: And despite your Machiavellian tactics, my father is still willing to sell the business to you, but only if you’re willing to pay more than everyone else. Stanley Johnston: Does that explain the presence of the bird? Susan "Susie" Glass: My father is decidedly old school when it comes to business communications. He wants all bids sealed, in writing, and delivered by carrier pigeon by the end of the week. Mercy Moreno: What makes you think I’m interested in the weed game? Susan "Susie" Glass: We understand that you have some serious connections in South America. What they’d be getting is a vertically-integrated business that currently controls close to 50% of the UK market. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: If and when there’s a mandate for legalization in the UK, you’ll be getting some of the most advanced distribution and development facilities in Western Europe. Mercy Moreno: You know I don’t mess around. You’ve seen this with your own eyes, yeah? My associates, something else. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Oh. Well, we’re willing to take that risk. Mercy Moreno: What’s wrong with an email or a phone call? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: You’ll have to ask Bobby when you make the winning bid. Peter Spencer-Forbes: Help you? I can hook you up with the Russkies, but a word to the wise... They are fucking hardcore. Make a joke they don’t understand, they’ll throw you out the window. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: The question is, do they have the relevant backing? Peter Spencer-Forbes: Oh God. A few hundred’s nothing to these fucking Russians. They are Kremlined-up to the hilt. Susan "Susie" Glass: And what happened between us... Peter Spencer-Forbes: Best thing that ever happened to me. You see, until you’ve had the living shit beaten out of you, you don’t know anything. But when you realize the only thing that matters is power, the whole world opens up. ‘Cause it’s literally there for the taking. Love the bird, by the way. [chuckles] It’s fucking hysterical. [Eddie places down pigeon carrier]Susan "Susie" Glass: I guess that officially brings our business dealings to an end. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Hmm. Still got a few more birds left. Susan "Susie" Glass: Might as well let ’em go. They’ll find their way home. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Poor pigeons, eh? Susan "Susie" Glass: Good luck. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Good luck. Susan "Susie" Glass: [walking away] It’s been emotional, Captain. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Give me the bird. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Just one pigeon, okay? Just one measly fucking pigeon, Eddie. Listen, I know what you’re gonna say. You’re gonna say you’ve got some heavy fucking hitters lined up out there. But I’ve raised some epic funds in my time. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Debts don’t count. Okay. No need to be snarky. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: The point I’m trying to make is this. I have been watching you these past couple of months. Observing the way you operate and just soaking it all in, all this crime stuff– Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Listen to me. All right? We’re done. No more games. No more debts. It’s over. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Oh, I get what this is. I see. You’re jealous. You want me out the way. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I think it was you who wanted me out of the way, Freddy. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: Okay. Well... touché. I probably deserved that. But– Edward "Eddie" Horniman: I’m taking the pigeon, Freddy. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: [snatches away pigeon carrier] I’m not giving you Mitch, Ed. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: You weren’t meant for this, Freddy. Neither of us were. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: [chuckles] Remember that first time Dad took us deer stalking? Remember that? Edward "Eddie" Horniman: [sighs] Uh, no. No, not really. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: We all stalked the deer together, and then Dad let me take the shot. And I got it. I fucking got it. And he was so fucking proud. And then when we got closer... and it was still breathing... I couldn’t do it. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Well, you were just a kid, Freddy. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: You were younger than me. Dad handed you the knife, and you slit that thing’s throat like it was fucking nothing. Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Yeah. Frederick "Freddy" Horniman: [sighs and walks to Eddie] The point I’m trying to make is this, Edward. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m not... cut out for this. But you... You were fucking born for it. [hands Eddie pigeon carrier] Look after Mitch for me. [walks away]Sabrina Horniman: [visiting Jack in hospital] How’s he doing? Susan "Susie" Glass: Sleeping a lot. But improving. Sabrina Horniman: How are you doing? Susan "Susie" Glass: I don’t know, really. Kinda just focused on him at the moment. Sabrina Horniman: You must be very close. Susan "Susie" Glass: He was, uh, ten when our mum passed away. Sabrina Horniman: Well, that’s a heavy responsibility on young shoulders. Susan "Susie" Glass: It never felt like a burden. I loved looking after Jack. I love running the business. Sabrina Horniman: I know that your father is planning on selling the organization, and you’re probably weighing up what to do. So my one piece of advice would be, don’t listen to anyone, least of all my son, and especially not your father. However, if you want the benefit from my vast years of experience, I’d say that you’re much more likely to regret the things that you didn’t do rather than the things that you did. Susan "Susie" Glass: Tell me, what is it you’re worried I’m not gonna do? Susie Glass: [observing painting]'' Is that scouse brains I can see in the clouds?Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Felt like a pivotal moment. So I pivoted.Freddy Horniman''': Hang on. The three of us against an entire fucking clown town. Is there a plan here, Edward? Category:The Gentlemen seasons