The Goldbergs (season 6)

Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 | Main The Goldbergs (2013–2023) is an American long-running sitcom aired on ABC. Season 6 Sixteen Candles [6.1] You Got Zuko [6.2] RAD! [6.3] Hersheypark [6.4] Mister Knifey-Hands [6.5] Fiddler [6.6] Bohemian Rap City [6.7] The Living Room: A 100% True Story [6.8] Bachelor Party [6.9] Adult Adam: [voiceover] Back in the '80s, the biggest night for any bride, besides the wedding, was the bachelorette party. Lashes were curled, hair was crimped, sashes were sashed... All to make it a night that the bride-to-be would never forget. Lainey: Guys, it's so sweet you went to all this trouble for me. Erica: Really? 'Cause you said if we didn't, you'd "never forgive us." Valley Erica: And then you said, "If you're going to go to the trouble, do everything I say." Lainey: Still, so sweet. Carla: We totally went all-out. I even packed us a naughty bag of bachelorette nastiness. [She shows Erica and Lainey her purple bag] Check it out, girlfriend. Barry: [Taking the purple bag from Lainey] Oh, n-n-n-never! Lainey: Bar, you need to chill. All we're doing is going for a little fondue and a lot of karaoke. Barry: Where there's music, there's dancing. Will there be dancing in a group setting? Someone tell me. Valley Erica: What's happening? Barry: As bridesmaids, you are totally obligated to form a protective dance wall around the bride-to-be. Carla: I thought our job was to, like, catch the bouquet and hook up with a random hot cousin. Barry: Wrong! Now, everyone fall into anti-grinding formation. Let's practice. Hey, I'm a local townie looking for a good grind. Uh-oh. They're playing "Safety Dance." But this is not safe. Lainey: Honestly, it's going to be fine. Barry: Then you leave me no choice. Attention! I shall throw my own wild bachelor party. Lainey: Cool. Barry: Really? Lainey: I trust you. Barry: Well, you shouldn't. Erica: You should. You're never gonna do better anyway. Barry: Agreed. Time to go tell my best man to plan a gnarly bachelor party and also pick my best man. [He goes downstairs to see Adam] Adam, it's recently come to my attention that I need a best man, and I've made my choice. Adam: Naked Rob, right? He's the heart and soul of the JTP. Barry: No, dummy. It's you, 'cause you're my brother and you mean that stupid world to me. Adam: What? Barry: Stop. Don't make this all weird and tearful. Adam: I-I just can't help it. It's just such a wonderful moment for us. Barry: No! Don't you dare feel deep emotion, 'cause then I'll feel it, too! Adam: I just... I have a brother who loves me so much. Barry: It's true. We gotta do man stuff fast. We can battle on my official "Over the Top" arm-wrestling table. I'm gonna break all the little bones in your little bird hand. Adam: Do it. Right now. Be Stallone. Go over the top and pin my arm. Barry: Oh, no! Now we're just holding hands and staring into each other's teary eyes. Adam: Your fingers are so gently entangled in mine. Barry: It's like you're my missing puzzle piece! Adam: I don't know where I stop and where you begin! Barry: No! If you cry tears of love, then I'll cry tears of love. Beverly: Oh, no! I hear crying. I've got my first-aid kit. What's wrong? Adam: Barry asked me to be his best man! Beverly: Oh, sweet God, no. Barry: I love this boy. Beverly: I need to hug you both as tight as I can right now. Barry: Hold me in your arms. [They tearfully give each other a hug] Adult Adam: [voiceover] It was December 5th, 1980-something, and my mom was dropping us off at school in my dad's crappy old car. At least, she was trying to. Coach Mellor: Goldbergs, you're up. Unlock and unload. Beverly: Mwah, mwah. Go. Be the amazing, delicious boys I birthed you to be. Barry: [trying to unlock the door] Damn it! You know this door doesn't open from the inside. You gotta get out and open it. Coach Mellor: Goldberg, Goldfarb, let's hurry it up. Beverly: Damn it, just get out on Adam's side. Adam: [trying to open the door] The door's bungee-d shut 'cause Dad slammed it too hard after the Eagles lost. Beverly: [getting out of Murray's car] Oh, poop! Coach Mellor: No, you don't get out. They get out. Beverly: If I don't get out, they can't get out. I'm sorry. I had to take Murray's car today. Coach Mellor: I don't need your backstory, Norman Mailer. Just get 'em out. Beverly: [She accidentally breaks the car door handle] Damn it, Murray! Coach Mellor: All right, we got a two-minute limit. You're gonna have to circle back around. Next! Beverly: I am not getting back in that line. Look at how long it is. Coach Mellor: It's that long because of you! Adam: Mom, let us out! Beverly: Boys, just climb out the window. Go, go, go! [Adam and Barry climb out the window] Oh, Schmoopie, no! Don't go headfirst! Adam: I gotta see when I'm landing on. I don't want to get a gravel rash. Coach Mellor: All right, this circus act is unacceptable. Adam: Oh, no! My glasses! Coach Mellor: Forget 'em. You got four other senses. Barry: Wait. My Toaster Strudel. Beverly: I'll drop it off later. Barry: It's fine. I'll just "Dukes of Hazzard" it. Beverly: Oh, Barry, no. Do not "Dukes of Hazzard" the window. Barry: Too late! [runs towards the car but he is hit] Beverly: You need a new car. Murray: Ah, again with this? My car works just fine. Tell her, Bill. Bill: This kind of feels like one of those lose-lose situations I'd rather not be involved in. Beverly: Too late. You're going with us. You're gonna be a bad influence and goad him into spending more money. Murray: How about this? We compromise. I replace the door handle, and boom! Everybody wins! Beverly: Forget the door handle. You've been driving the same car since our first date. Murray: So it's got sentimental value. You get it. Beverly: You're getting a new car. [leaves him] [Meanwhile, Adam is playing a video game just as Barry comes to turn it off] Adam: Hey! Barry: Time to talk bachelor party, best man. Last night, I taped a movie off Cinemax starring Tom Hanks, that forever changed my life... [He shows Adam a videotape saying "Bachelor Party."] "Bachelor Party." Dave: My dad said that movie was a raunchy shlockfest that celebrates the lowest form of comedy. Barry: Your dad knows his stuff. It is brilliant, and I want it to be the blueprint for my zany bachelor party. Adam: What exactly do you mean by "zany"? Barry: I'm talking about a giant rager in a hotel suite with sketchy babes, unruly Japanese businessmen, and a beer-guzzling mule that passes out. Adam: That sounds very adult. Barry: Exactly! Everyone's saying I'm just a dumb kid who's stupidly getting married. But this party will prove I'm a dumb adult who's stupidly getting married. Dave: That logic kind of tracks. Barry: Thank you, Dave Kimberly. Dave: You think "Kim" is short for "Kimberly"? Barry: I'm certain of it. Get to party planning, boys. No pressure, but my whole marriage depends on it. Adam: Don't worry. I will not rest till I throw you the bachelor party in "Bachelor Party." [This scene cuts to Adam and Dave watching Bachelor Party on TV] Dave: You can't throw him this bachelor party in this movie, man. You can't do it. Adam: I know, Dave Kim. Dave: There's so much bad language and full-frontal shenanigans. Adam: I know, Dave Kim! Dave: Why would boyishly lovable Tom Hanks agree to be in this? He's done. He'll never work again. Adam: I know, Dave Kim! Dave: Barry said this marriage hinges on this! What are you gonna do, bro? Adam: I don't know, Dave Kim. I don't know. Barry: Off-campus lunch is a go, boys. We've got 36 minutes to make it to Jim's Steaks and back. Let's ride. Andy: Wait. I thought your dad sold his crappy old Tercel. Barry: He bought it back 'cause his new sports car was even crappier than this crap box. Matt: Uh, bro, the door won't open. Barry: That's 'cause it's been permanently busted. You just got to Dukes of Hazzard it. [runs toward his car but he is hit] All: Ooh! Barry: Need more of a head start. [runs to it again] [They all groan] Barry: Took my eye off it. [runs to it again] [They all groan] Barry: Who moved the car? [runs to it again and then jumps over it] J... T... P! Geoff: JTP? Barry: General Lee! [jumps over the car again] Andy: Okay. Yippee Ki Yay Melon Farmer [6.10] The Wedding Singer [6.11] The Pina Colada Episode [6.12] I Coulda Been a Lawyer [6.13] Major League'd [6.14] My Valentine Boy [6.15] There Can Be Only One Highlander Club [6.16] Our Perfect Strangers [6.17] The Beverly Goldberg Cookbook [6.18] Pops: Aw, honey, what's wrong? Beverly: Nothing. I'm just tearing up 'cause Julia's chopping an onion. Pops: You do know that that onion is on TV, right? Beverly: Okay, fine. [crying] It's my cookbook. I sent it out to some publishers, and they said that I was poop and that my cooking is poop and that my one and only dream is poop! Eight-bit Goldbergs [6.19] This is This is Spinal Tap [6.20] Adult Adam: [voiceover] It was April 3rd, 1980-something, and my sister's stalled music career was about to get a boost. Erica: Guys, I have insane news! We just got the gig of a lifetime. We're playing the Philadelphia freakin' Spectrum! Adam: The Spectrum? Erica: The Flyers Wives have this charity where they throw a whole carnival. And we got picked to be the local band to perform live on stage. Adam: How did this even happen? Erica: Word of mouth, obviously. Geoff: For sure. Also, I submitted a demo. Erica: Oh, my God, Geoff. You are seriously the most amazing boyfriend/band member ever. Geoff: Me, manager? Really? Erica: You got us our big break, Geoff. You've totally earned it. Geoff: Sweet! If there's one thing I know, managing my hot-tempered girlfriend's band could only end well. Adam: Problem. This letter's for you and Lainey. Geoff: Yeah, I submitted their demo six months ago. Erica: So now they're only getting two-thirds of the band they want? You suck, and you're fired! Geoff: Oh, no! This didn't end well at all! Erica: We are so boned! There's no way they'll ever want us to perform now. Valley Erica: Like, why not? We still totally rock it hard without Lainey. Geoff: It's true. The Dropouts still got the goods. I demand you go for it! Erica: Damn it. Our old but re-hired band manager is right. Our rocket ride to superstardom begins now. Adam: You know, I've been dabbling a bit in documentary filmmaking. Maybe I can make a rockumentary about you guys, like U2's Rattle and Hum. Erica: No way, nerd. Oh, wait. Sorry. Force of habit. Yes. Adam: For real? Erica: Our fans will for sure want to know how it all started. Adam: Sweet! You get to perform for carnies and the Flyers' romantic partners, and I get to film it. Barry: I heard "Flyers" and "carnies." I must be a part of whatever this is. Adam: They got a real gig playing The Spectrum. Erica: No, it's none of his business. Just butt out, dude. Barry: Come on! We both know you need my fresh rhymes. Erica: Your garbage rap has no place in a rock band. Barry: So what about when Aerosmith combined their rock with the sick rap stylings of Run-DMC? Erica: Doesn't matter! You're not even in the band. Barry: Oh, I'm in the band! Erica: No, you're not. Barry: I'm in the band. Erica: No, you're not! Stop saying it! Barry: Saying what? Erica: You're in the band. Barry: She said it! Adam's got it on tape! [Adam puts his thumb up] Barry: It's official! I'm in the band. I Lost on Jeopardy [6.21] Mom Trumps Willow [6.22] Beverly: No, no Willow for you. I mean it. I get one Mother's Day a year and I'm taking it. Adam: This is what I get for being nice to you almost the whole morning? Beverly: Okay, that's it! No Willow for you ever. Adam: You can't just forbid me from Willow for the rest of my life! Beverly: I just did. Adam: Gah! I hate you! Breakin' [6.23] Category:The Goldbergs seasons