SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 4

SpongeBob SquarePants (1999-) is an animated TV series, airing on Nickelodeon about the adventures and endeavors of the title character and his various friends in the fictional underwater city of Bikini Bottom. It spawned two movies, followed by several short films, and video games. Episode 1 Fear of a Krabby Patty [4.1a] [The episode starts at the Krusty Krab. The customers are eating food, Mr. Krabs is painting a picture while humming "Blow the Man Down," and Squidward is manning the cash register.] Mr. Krabs: Finished at last! [shows the picture to Squidward and SpongeBob, who is now at the order window] What do you boys think of my masterpiece? SpongeBob: [reading the sign] New business hours: 6 a.m. to 11 p.m. Squidward: What?! That is totally unfair! SpongeBob: Squidward's right, that's totally unfair! Couldn't we get to work earlier than 6:00 a.m.? Like 5:30 a.m.? Or 5:00 a.m.? Or 4:00 a.m.? [Squidward zips up the order window before SpongeBob says earlier opening times] Squidward: Zip it. [Mr. Krabs places the sign on the front window. He stares out of the window and notices something surprising from across the street] Mr. Krabs: What the...? [the Chum Bucket now displays a sign in front saying that it is "now open 23 hours"] The Chum Bucket open 23 hours?! So, that little piece of flotsam Plankton thinks he can stay open longer than me, does he? [a customer walks up to him, tray in hand] Man: Sure. I don't know. Why not? Mr. Krabs: Well, he's wrong! Man: Oh, okay, sure. Mr. Krabs: As of now, the Krusty Krab is open 24 hours! [SpongeBob's head bursts through the wall, in place of where the order window used to be] SpongeBob: Did you hear that, Squidward? We get to keep working and working and working without ever having to go home! I got to pinch myself, 'cause I must be dreaming. [exits the punctured hole in the wall and stands flat on the floor. He pinches himself]] Ow! [He does it again] Owww! [He does it five times] Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Owww! [He pinches himself once more, this time much longer] Ooooooooooow!! [after a brief pause, he pinches himself yet again] Ow! Well, I'm not dreaming. [switch to a telescope view of the front window of the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs walks up to the sign and amends it to read, Open 24 hours!] Plankton: [behind the telescope] Open 24 hours, eh? I knew he couldn't resist staying open later than me. [starts walking into the Chum Bucket] My evil plan is working perfectly. He'll run his employees into the ground, and when SpongeBob's mind finally cracks from exhaustion, I'll get him to tell me the secret Krabby Patty formula! [laughs evilly. He notices after a while that Karen is not laughing with him] Why aren't you laughing? Karen: I've heard this joke before. [the scene switches to the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs is standing near the register boat with a cowbell and beater in his hands] Mr. Krabs: All right, everybody! The Krusty Krab is entering day three of nonstop service! Let's give it up for day three! [the camera shows the customers of the Krusty Krab eating their food and not being swayed by Mr. Krabs' excitement] Yee haw! Day three! SpongeBob: [inside the kitchen, holding a Krabby Patty] Krabby Patty, I don't care if we have to stay open till the day after the end of time. As long as I'm with you, I'm complete. [bubbles fill the screen as the episode transitions to the outside of the Krusty Krab. It then cuts to the inside, where Mr. Krabs still is holding the cowbell] Mr. Krabs: Day ten of nonstop service! Squidward: [exhausted] Mr. Krabs, can I go home yet? Mr. Krabs: No one goes home! Squidward: [points to the bags under his eyes] Look at these bags under my eyes. Even my bags have bags! [the camera shows a closely detailed picture of Squidward's drowsy eyes, and a lady screams offscreen] Mr. Krabs: Quit your bellyaching, Squidward. You don't hear SpongeBob complaining, do you? SpongeBob: [grilling patties in the kitchen] ♪K-R-A-B-B-Y P-A-T-T-Y, says I.♪ Mr. Krabs: You can learn a few things from that boy. Squidward: [through his teeth] Mr. Krabs, he is not normal. [SpongeBob starts kissing a Krabby Patty] Mr. Krabs: All right, you can sit down for five minutes. Then it's back to work! [Squidward drops over and starts snoring. Plankton, wearing a tight black suit, descends from a rope on the wall and monitors at SpongeBob] Plankton: Drat! He's not collapsing from exhaustion! But with a little more pressure, the Sponge will crack like an egg! [clenches his fists] Then I'll be there to feast on the goo of his shattered psyche. [slurps and then does an evil laugh. Mr. Krabs notices Plankton, but since he is tiny, black, and suspending from a coil, he believes Plankton is a small insect] Mr. Krabs: Ew! A spider bug. [squishes him and the scene changes to the Chum Bucket a while later. Plankton is on the phone, ordering an item from the Krusty Krab] Plankton: Ah, come on. [Mr. Krabs finally picks up on the other line] Mr. Krabs: Krusty Krab! The restaurant that never closes. You'd like to place an order? [we hear a muffled sound from his phone] 10,000 Krabby Patties? We'll start your order right away, Mr., uh, uh...What was that name again? [muffles coming from the phone. Mr. Krabs writes his information on a piece of paper] Uh huh...Peter Lankton. Wait a minute, this isn't some kind of prank, is it? Plankton: Uh...no. Mr. Krabs: Good. We'll call you when it's ready, Mr. Lankton. [bursts through the kitchen door, and starts yelling orders at SpongeBob] Mr. Krabs: Kick it into high gear! We got a big order! [clutches SpongeBob, who is staring into space] I'm counting on you, boy! I need you to raise that spatular! [SpongeBob does so, enthusiastically] Yeah! And I need you to say, "Team Krusty Krab!" SpongeBob: Team Krusty Krab! Mr. Krabs: That's me boy. Now, make me 10,000 Krabby Patties! [SpongeBob's eyes swell up as Mr. Krabs walks away] And no breaks. SpongeBob: [ecstatic, giggles] Whoo-hoo! Did you hear that, spatula? You, me, and 10,000 Krabby Patties. And the best part? No breaks! [pinches himself] Wooooooooow! [cut to a view of the ocean with a small island with some palm trees in the background] Mr. Krabs: Day 15! Give it up for day 15! [floats by as he hits the bell] SpongeBob: ♪K-R-A-B-B-Y P-A-T-T-Y...♪ [floats by, flipping three of the six patties on the grill, as the setting transforms into the nighttime. Plankton floats by as the setting transforms into the daytime. Plankton laughs menacingly. SpongeBob floats by, putting mustard on one of four unfinished patties] SpongeBob: 1,322... Mr. Krabs: Day 23! Give it up for day 23! [floats by as the setting transforms into the nighttime. Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob continue floating by as the setting changes from day to night and vice versa] SpongeBob: 6,654... Mr. Krabs: Day 30! SpongeBob: 7,121... [Plankton floats by now. He laughs menacingly. Patty items float by before Mr. Krabs shouts "Day 35...!" while floating by as the setting transforms into the nighttime. Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob continue floating by as the setting changes from day to night and vice versa] SpongeBob: 8,659... [floats by] Old Man Walker: Wait, what's going on? Whoa! Whoa! [floats by, confusedly. The scene switches back to the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs appears extremely tired] Mr. Krabs: Day... [record scratch] Anyone know how many days it's been? I lost track. Squidward: [breathing heavily next to a pile of Krabby Patties] Forty-three. [gasps, as the top of his head expands and shrinks. SpongeBob places a tray of food items on the order window and then shoves them off. He does the same again for a smelly boot] Mr. Krabs: What the flimflam?! [enters the kitchen and notices SpongeBob looking like a wreck] What are you doing in here, boy? You're wasting all me food. [SpongeBob does not answer him] Boy? Oh! Oh-oh-oh! Oh... [SpongeBob starts fighting the air with his spatula. Mr. Krabs hits him on the back of his head] SpongeBob: [drowsily] Oh, hey, Mr. Krabs. When did you get in here? Mr. Krabs: Boy, I'm worried that... [turns into a giant Krabby Patty that apparently talks gibberish] Got it? SpongeBob: [wiping his eyes] I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs. Could you run that by me again? Mr. Krabs: Sure, I said I'm worried that... [turns into a Krabby Patty again. He turns back into himself after he stops talking] SpongeBob: That's what I thought you said. Now, let me offer this as a rebuttal. [starts screaming and throwing his hands in the air. He hides in the corner, waving his spatula at Mr. Krabs] Stay back! I'm warning you! Mr. Krabs: [starts walking towards SpongeBob] All right, now you're just acting silly. I want you to... [turns into a Krabby Patty again] SpongeBob: No, don't eat me! I'm too chewy! [screams and runs outside the kitchen, where his eyes bulge as he notices the customers are now Krabby Patties] Holy shrimp! They're everywhere! [runs screaming and knocks into a Krabby Patty, falling] Krabby Patty: [looking at him] Blarg. SpongeBob: [screaming and running. He starts screaming at two Krabby Patties sitting at a table, then one going to the bathroom and then screaming and pointing at Tom] Woman: I told you that shirt was hideous. [SpongeBob screams again as Mr. Krabs grabs him and pulls him into the kitchen, while SpongeBob is digging his nails into the floor] SpongeBob: No, no! I want to live! [enters the kitchen, but bursts the door open] I want to live! [he is dragged back inside. The camera shows Squidward, exhausted] SpongeBob: [inside the kitchen] Mr. Krabs, what's going on? Everywhere I look, I see killer Krabby Patties. Mr. Krabs: [patting SpongeBob's head] There, there. I'm sure it's nothing that getting back to work won't solve. Here's your spatular. [hands SpongeBob his spatula] SpongeBob: [repeating] Spatular. Mr. Krabs: [showing SpongeBob his grill] And here's the grill. SpongeBob: [repeating] Grill. Mr. Krabs: [showing SpongeBob some patties in his hands] And here are some fresh Krabby... [SpongeBob starts screaming again. When Mr. Krabs pulls the patties away, SpongeBob's scream lessens. He pulls the patties out in front of him and continues pushing and pulling them forward] Mr. Krabs: Hmm, there may be a problem after all. SpongeBob: What does this mean? Mr. Krabs: It means there's something wrong with your head. Look, I think maybe you should see a professional. SpongeBob: Wrestler? Mr. Krabs: No! A psychiatrist. SpongeBob: Oh, but where am I gonna find a psychiatrist... [a paper airplane hits him in the head] Ow! [Plankton is at the order window and then drops down. SpongeBob starts reading the paper] Hey, look at this. "Dr. Peter Lankton: Psychiatrist. Specializing in Krabby Patty phobias." Gosh, I don't know about this, Mr. Krabs. Wouldn't I have to miss work if I went to see... [Mr. Krabs holds up a patty in front of SpongeBob's face. SpongeBob points and screams at it, then runs off yelling. The scene switches to SpongeBob, paper in his hand, finding out where the psychiatric center is. SpongeBob looks up] Well, this looks like the place. [it is the Chum Bucket with the sign "Dr. P. Lankton Psychiatrist" on it. SpongeBob enters, looking for the psychiatrist] Uh, hello? Doctor? Plankton: Come in, Mr. SquarePants. Please, have a seat on the couch. [SpongeBob sits on the couch. He turns his chair around so that we can see Plankton wearing a black buttoned yellow suit, black pants, laced black shoes, and a fake brownish gray beard] Now... [chuckles] let's unload all that harmful information in your little yellow head. SpongeBob: You're a bit smaller than I imagined, Doctor. But I guess that's why they call you shrink. [laughs] Ahem, do you think there's hope for me, doctor? Plankton: Hope? Hope!? When I get my hands on that formula, there won't be any hope for any of you! [laughs, but then clears his throat] Yeah, I mean, you'll be cured in no time. SpongeBob: Oh, good. Plankton: Let's start with a simple exercise. SpongeBob: Jumping jacks? Plankton: I want you to close your eyes. [SpongeBob lightly closes his eyes] Tighter. [SpongeBob closes his eyes tighter] Tighter. [SpongeBob tightens them even more, until they rip off] Too tight! Now, tell me what you see? SpongeBob: I see giant Krabby Patties. Plankton: Good! And what are they made of? [starts recording on a voice recorder] SpongeBob: Hatred! Plankton: No, I mean ingredients. What are the stinking ingredients?! SpongeBob: They're coming for me! No! No! No! Stay back! [grabs a grand piano from off-screen and holds it threateningly in the air] Plankton: Wait, where'd you get that piano? [SpongeBob smashes him with the grand piano. He groans. Later, he continues his psychology] We're trying something else. I'm going to say a word, and I want you to say the first word that pops into your head. Ready? SpongeBob: I'm ready! Plankton: Work. SpongeBob: Work. Plankton: Spatula. SpongeBob: Spatula. Plankton: Bun. SpongeBob: Bun. Plankton: See, the key is to say something different to what I say. SpongeBob: Oh, okay, I've got it. Plankton: Potato. SpongeBob: Potahto. Plankton: Tomato. SpongeBob: Tomahto. [the scene switches to SpongeBob kneeling on the floor looking at various cards] Plankton: I've laid out some words on cards here. These words are common kitchen ingredients. I want you to arrange them in any order you choose. It could be a poem or a secret formula, I don't know-- oh, yes! A secret formula. Good, let's do that. SpongeBob: Um, you're making me nervous. Plankton: Oh, okay. [walks to and sits on his chair] I'll be over here, then. SpongeBob: I'm finished! [Plankton gets up and walks to him] I've arranged them into a piano. [the piano flips onto Plankton] Plankton: Since your mind has been resistant to every mental technique so far, I'm forced to resort to my most powerful method of curing you. SpongeBob: Fiber? Plankton: No, hypnosis. SpongeBob: Hypnosis?! Plankton: [holds a ticking watch in front of him] Now, keep your eyes on this watch. [shakes it slowly] When I count to three, you will fall into a deep sleep. 1...uh, 2...uh, 3. [SpongeBob falls asleep and begins snoring very loudly] I can't believe it worked. Now, when I snap my fingers, you will awake and tell me the formula. [snaps his fingers, but SpongeBob continues snoring loudly. He snaps a couple more times] Hey... wake up! [clashes cymbals, blows a trumpet, and beats on drums, but SpongeBob continues snoring, even louder than the sounds] Hmm, what else is loud and obnoxious? [holds a loud ringing cell phone up to his ear, but SpongeBob's snoring is even louder] Why won't you wake up?! [We peer into SpongeBob's dream from the hypnosis. In it, he is chasing jellyfish.] SpongeBob: [singing] La-la-la-la-la-la-la, la, la-la-la-la-la-la... [gets trapped in a huge jellyfishing net; screams in shock] [A huge Krabby Patty, holding the net, roars and eats him. Inside the Krabby Patty, SpongeBob looks around in the dark.] SpongeBob: Where am I? [lights turn on and he is lying in his bed in his home. The door to his room opens and a huge Krabby Patty walks in; he shivers in fear] Krabby Patty: Hey, SpongeBob. I heard your brain was sick, so I brought you this cookie pizza. [hands SpongeBob a cookie pizza] SpongeBob: Gee, thanks! Krabby Patty: And here's some chocolate milk. [hands SpongeBob a glass of chocolate milk] SpongeBob: The king of flavored dairy drinks! [drinks it quickly] Oh, Krabby Patty, I'm so glad we're friends again. Krabby Patty: Just remember, SpongeBob, I'll always be with you right here. [points to a part of SpongeBob's stomach]. SpongeBob: In my heart? Krabby Patty: Actually, in your arteries. Now, do me a favor and wake up. Wake up. Plankton: [in real life, shouting into a loudspeaker] Wake up...! SpongeBob: [wakes up, yawning; smiles] It worked! I'm cured! Plankton: But what about the formula? SpongeBob: Oh, you're right! I better get back to work! [runs away, towards the Krusty Krab] Thanks for everything, doc! Plankton: [yelling] No! It's a lie! Therapy doesn't really work! You're still sick! Very, very sick! [The scene cuts to the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob is flipping burgers normally.] Mr. Krabs: Good to see your brain's all fixed, boy. SpongeBob: Yeah, I just needed some sleep, is all. Mr. Krabs: Well, I can safely say, "No more 24-hour shifts," because 23 hours'll be plenty! [laughs] SpongeBob: Aw, Mr. Krabs... [starts laughing] Mr. Krabs: [stops laughing] No, seriously. Get back to work! Shell of a Man [4.1b] SpongeBob: [putting the meat on the patty] Easy... [takes all the condiments and throws them in the air. They all land nicely stacked on top of the patty] Perfection! Squidward: Is number 5's order ready yet, SpongeBob? SpongeBob: Just a second, Squidward. Well, Krabby Patty, it's time for you to go now. [sniffles, starts to cry] You grew up so fast, I... [Squidward looks bored] Oh, I promised myself I wouldn't do this. [gives the order to Squidward] Just take it Squidward, take it away. [cries] Squidward: Oh, brother. [into microphone] Number 5. Number 5! SpongeBob: [shows a slip with the number 5 on it] That's me! [takes Krabby Patty and eats it] Mmm. My compliments to the chef! [laughs himself into the kitchen, where he notices something] Hello, what's this? [gets close to the window of the door where his eyes and Mr. Krabs' eyes meet] Mr. Krabs: Come out here, boy. SpongeBob: [walks outside] Mr. Krabs? Whoa! Mr. Krabs: [grabs SpongeBob and drags him under the dumpster] Hush boy, or you'll give away the location of me hidey-hole. SpongeBob: [whispering] What's a hidey-hole? Mr. Krabs: It's where I hide me treasure. [pushes the dumpster aside and throws SpongeBob out of the hole] Catch! [throws a treasure chest at SpongeBob] Let's get that chest to the office, boy, pronto! SpongeBob: What's in this thing? Treasure? Mr. Krabs: A treasure trove of sorts. It's me memory chest from my years in the navy. SpongeBob: Why'd you dig up your navy chest, sir? Mr. Krabs: Well, my navy buddies and I are having a reunion. And I wanted to wear me old uniform. [opens chest] SpongeBob: Wow, look at all your cool navy stuff! What's that? Mr. Krabs: Arrgh! [takes out a tattoo] It's me first tattoo. SpongeBob: Neat. Mr. Krabs: And this is me 'Manly Toughness Trophy'. [shows a trophy with an arm at the top] SpongeBob: How'd you win that? Mr. Krabs: By being the toughest of the tough! SpongeBob: Wow! Oh-oh. Who are those guys? [pointing to a picture with 5 sailors in it] Mr. Krabs: Me shipmates. The toughest bunch to ever sail the briny deep. There's "'Ol Iron Eye," [shows a guy with iron for his left eye, while holding a mop] and "Mutton Chop," [shows a guy with sideburns, holding a wrench] me, [shows Mr. Krabs holding a spatula] "Torpedo Belly," [shows a big guy with torpedo in his belly] and "Lockjaw Jones." [shows a guy with a big jaw, leaning on an anchor] SpongeBob: Did you have a cool nickname, Mr. Krabs? Mr. Krabs: Of course! I was called "Armor Abs Krabs." SpongeBob: You were? Mr. Krabs: What do you mean? SpongeBob: Well, I guess you were thinner back then. Mr. Krabs: Oh, really? [takes his navy suit] This is me navy cadet uniform. Prepare to eat your words 'cause I haven't put on more... than a... couple of... pounds. [rips navy suit while trying to put it on] Okay, maybe I'm a bit bigger. But I'm still the toughest of the tough. Go ahead, lad, give em a punch. SpongeBob: You want me to punch you in the stomach? Mr. Krabs: Not in the stomach, lad! In me armor abs! SpongeBob: [punches Mr. Krabs in the abs, but his arm breaks into little pieces] Wow, my entire arm disintegrated. Mr. Krabs: I still got it. Now be a good lad and go get your station in ship shape. And leave an old sea-dog to revel in his memories. SpongeBob: Aye, aye, sir! [opens kitchen door] Alright, let's get this place ship shape. You men, stop laying around! [point to potatoes] To battle stations. [pouring fries into the grease fryer] All hands on deck! [puts 10 Krabby Patties on the grill] Set course for full flavor. [turns knob on stove to the right] Ketchup and mustard off the port bow. [stepping on ketchup and mustard containers] One Krabby Patty ready to set sail. [holding Krabby Patty up] Mr. Krabs: Nooooooooooooo! [as he says his line, SpongeBob lets go of the Krabby Patty while looking worried, then it falls and the plate breaks] SpongeBob: [gasps] Mr. Krabs. Um, Mr. Krabs? [walks to Mr. Krabs' office door nervously and knocks once on it then it opens] Hello? Mr. Krabs? [Mr. Krabs is shown head down on his desk] You alright? Are you sleepy? [pokes Mr. Krabs' body knocking it to the floor, revealing an empty shell, he gasps] Mr. Krabs! [sniffs Mr. Krabs' shell arm] I don't smell his pulse. [in the background, a fleshy and pink Mr. Krabs rushes past SpongeBob] What's that? [figure is behind a barrel] Is somebody there? Mr. Krabs: Don't look at me! SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs? Mr. Krabs: Leave me be! SpongeBob: [throws barrel away] You're alive! And, naked... Mr. Krabs: [crying] It's true. I've molted. SpongeBob: What's molted? Mr. Krabs: It's when a crab gets too fat- um, er, well, outgrows his shell. It falls off! SpongeBob: Wow. Mr. Krabs: 'Armor Abs Krabs' can't show up at the reunion like this. All pink and soft and unmanly. I'm all flab and no ab! [sobs] SpongeBob: Barnacles! Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! SpongeBob: Sorry about the foul language, Mr. Krabs, but you're acting like there never was a man in that shell. The Krabs of his navy days was fearless. He wouldn't let something as insignificant as a missing shell slow him down. Mr. Krabs: Yeah. SpongeBob: Who cares how silly, pink, and fleshy you look. How non-threatening, limp, and soggy you are. How... [Mr. Krabs cries] ...oops. Mr. Krabs: I can't go anywhere ever again. Stupid, no good... [kicks shell into the wall which ricochets back at SpongeBob. He screams. SpongeBob attempts to run, but the shell lands on his head and he runs around, screaming. Then he falls over and goes into Mr. Krabs' shell] SpongeBob: Wow, it sure is dark in here. [pokes head through the shell] Look, Mr. Krabs, I'm you! Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you're a genius! SpongeBob: Well, I'm glad you got my point. It's not about what's on the outside. It's what's on the in-- Mr. Krabs: No, you barnacle brain. Not your silly metaphor. You, in me shell. It gives me an idea: You can go to the reunion and pretend to be me. SpongeBob: I get to be a navy buddy? Mr. Krabs: Course, you'll need some time to approximate me personality. SpongeBob: Oh, that'll be a snap. Squidward and I have been doing it behind your back for years. [laughs] Mr. Krabs: Alright, show me what you got. SpongeBob: [pulls nose out to look like Mr. Krabs' then imitates his voice] Look at me, I'm Mr. Krabs. I love money. Mr. Krabs: Heh heh, say that ain't half-bad. SpongeBob: I once won a marathon because someone dropped a penny at the finish line. Mr. Krabs: That's me. [laughs] SpongeBob: Every night, I tuck me wallet in and tell it a bedtime story. [pulls covers over the wallet] Goodnight, wallety. [kisses the wallet] Mr. Krabs: Yeah, okay, I get the point. SpongeBob: Ooh, what's that you say? Me daughter Pearl needs an operation? I'll do it meself and save a nickel. [laughs] Mr. Krabs: That'll do, SpongeBob. [Bubble transition to SpongeBob going to the reunion] SpongeBob: Well, here goes...wow. I've never seen so many manly naval men. So tough, so brave, so [two Naval men headbutt each other] ...clever. And I'm one of them! [at the reunion, a tough man is shown lifting Nancy on a treasure chest] Mr. Krabs: [hiding in a coral plant] No you're not. Don't blow this for me SpongeBob! SpongeBob: I won't let you down, sir. Mutton Chop: Armor Abs Krabs! Come join your old navy buddies in a toast. SpongeBob: [high-pitched voice] Coming! [runs over to the table] Mr. Krabs: Oh, what have I done? SpongeBob: Okay, boys, let the SS Party drop anchor right here. [all 4 Navy buddies cheer] Mr. Krabs: I've created a monster. Lockjaw Jones: Here's some grog. You still like pineapple, right? SpongeBob: Like pineapple? I live in one. [everyone laughs] Torpedo Belly: That Ol' Krabs is manly as ever. Mr. Krabs: I don't believe it. SpongeBob is pulling it off. Mutton Chop: Hey, Armor Abs, Ol' Iron Eye here has been itching to punch your legendary gut. SpongeBob: Well, if you think you're man enough. Mr. Krabs: Uh-oh, this could be bad. SpongeBob: Fire the torpedoes. [Iron Eye punches SpongeBob. He bounces around in the shell then comes up dizzy] Mutton Chop: What do you say, Krabs? Just like old times. [SpongeBob spits out a tooth] Lockjaw Jones: A tooth? [SpongeBob spits out two more teeth] Torpedo Belly: Teeth. Now, that's manly. [SpongeBob coughs out his skeleton and everyone gasps then cheers] Mr. Krabs: He did it. Captain: Alright, me swabbys, it's time to award the trophy of manly toughness. To a man who's toughness has stewed the test of time. That man is: Eugene Armor Abs Krabs! Come up here, Krabs. Mr. Krabs: This is the best night of me life. Me naval buddies still think I'm manly. And I didn't have to shed myself. Naval Buddies: Armor Abs! Armor Abs! Armor Abs! SpongeBob: Thanks for the trophy, everybody. [laughs] Naval Buddies: Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech! SpongeBob: I...uhh... Mr. Krabs: Say something. SpongeBob: Let me spin you a manly yarn. Mr. Krabs: 'Atta boy. SpongeBob: So there I was, in Jellyfish Fields. Mr. Krabs: I'm doomed. SpongeBob: Me supply of bubble soap was dangerously low. And as I blew my last bubble... Mutton Chop: Did he say Jellyfish Fields? Iron Eye: Blowing bubbles? Mutton Chop: Uhh, what were you doing in Jellyfish Fields? SpongeBob: Why, jellyfishing, of course. Naval Buddies: Huh? Mr. Krabs: Phone call for Mr. Krabs! [SpongeBob is confused] [quietly yelling] Get off the stage. SpongeBob: Oh, well, I gotta go. Uhh, thanks. [runs off the stage] Torpedo Belly: Where do you think you're going? Everybody knows there's two things Ol' Armor Abs Krabs would never do. Mr. Krabs: Oh, no... Lockjaw Jones: Number one, is spend a penny. Torpedo Belly: And the other one, is leave without giving Ol' Torpedo Belly one of your world famous steely belly butts. Haha. SpongeBob: [normal voice] Oh, I thought you'd see through my ruse. I mean, [Mr. Krabs' voice] arr, you didn't think I was just gonna collect this here trophy of manly toughness without reminding you silly livers why you give it to me in the first place. Let's have at it. No holding back. Give it your all! Mr. Krabs: I can't watch. [SpongeBob and Torpedo Belly butt each other in the belly and SpongeBob is sent flying while screaming] Torpedo Belly: Armor Abs? [SpongeBob flies into a sign and then back into Torpedo Belly breaking the shell. SpongeBob is revealed and everyone gets angry] SpongeBob: Well, uhh [laughs] I guess I'll take my manly toughness trophy and head home now. See you around Manville, boys, uhh, men. Mr. Krabs: Noooooooooooooo! [runs over] He's not Eugene Krabs. I am. [everyone gasps] Alright, lads, take a good look. This is who I am. I've molted me shell, and I'm... vulnerable. [cries] But I'm certainly no bubble-blowing jellyfisher. No offense, SpongeBob. SpongeBob: None taken, Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs: Come on lad, let's go home. Mutton Chop: Wait a minute! You've forgotten something. [hands trophy to Mr. Krabs] Mr. Krabs: I don't understand. Mutton Chop: Admitting you lost your shell, was the toughest thing I've ever seen. And, uhh, I have a confession, uhh. [rips off sideburns] These are fake! [SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs gasp] Torpedo Belly: Over here. Mr. Krabs: You too, Torpedo Belly? Torpedo Belly: Actually, I had my torpedo removed long ago. Lockjaw Jones: And these aren't the same choppers that I had in the navy. Iron Eye: My iron eye is actually made of Formica. [everyone laughs] SpongeBob: Look at that, Mr. Krabs. Your navy buddies all had something to hide. Mr. Krabs: Yeah, poor suckers. At least my shell will grow back. [both laugh as the screen fades away, concluding the episode] Episode 2 The Lost Mattress [4.2a] [The episode starts with a live-action shot of Big Ben in London. As "Rule, Britannia" plays, the time on the clock changes to 9 o'clock and it starts chiming. The camera zooms out suddenly, revealing that it is only Squidward's watch.] Squidward: Wow, I'm really late again. Maybe they'll finally fire me. [laughs as he walks into the closed front doors of the Krusty Krab; tries to open the doors, but they are locked] Locked? SpongeBob: [lying in a fetal position against the front doors, knocking his head on them] This isn't happening. This isn't happening! Squidward: SpongeBob? SpongeBob: The horror, it's unspeakable! [grabs Squidward] Don't you see, Squidward? It's closed! The Krusty Krab is closed! Squidward: You mean I got out of bed for nothing? SpongeBob: The doors are locked. The doors are locked and we are on the outside. Outsiders. What are we going to do, Squidward? There are Krabby Patties inside all alone. [presses his face into the glass] Mr. Krabs: Just stand aside, lad, and let me unlock the door. SpongeBob: [face comes out his backside] Mr. Krabs, you're here! [jumping around] Gosh, Mr. Krabs, we were worried something might have happened to you. That the world would've been deprived of the greatest food known to man. Mr. Krabs: [drops his keys. This annoys Mr. Krabs, who yells at SpongeBob] Oh, you made me drop me keys. Give me some space, lad. Can't a crab get a little space?! SpongeBob: [cries] I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs. Squidward: Harsh. [laughs] Mr. Krabs: [tries to pick up the keys, but cracks his back, much to his pain] Arrgh, me back! SpongeBob: [concerned] Are you hurt, Mr. Krabs? Mr. Krabs: [sarcastically while in pain] No. I'm just doubled over in pain, fightin' back tears in me eyes because it's a new dance craze! [wiggles his claws from side to side like he's dancing] SpongeBob: [naively] Oh, good, I thought you were hurt. Mr. Krabs: [shouting in anger] I am hurt, ya idiot! [SpongeBob's lip quivers while tears form. Mr. Krabs then apologizes for his crankiness] I'm sorry I snapped at ya, laddie. It's just me back is killing me. It's me old, lumpy mattress. It's like trying to sleep on broken coral. I'm going out of me mind. [back breaks again] Ouch! Oh, me back. [goes inside] SpongeBob: Poor Mr. Krabs. What are we going to do, Squidward? Squidward: Why do anything? I like the new Mr. Krabs. He yells at you more. [laughs] SpongeBob: I'm serious, Squidward. Squidward: So am I. SpongeBob: We should get Mr. Krabs a new mattress and surprise him with it as a gift. Then we'll never have to be late to work again. Squidward: What? You want me to spend my hard-earned money on my richer than me skin flint boss? No, thank you. [enters the Krusty Krab] SpongeBob: That's okay, Squidward, you'll warm up to the idea. [later] Thanks for coming with me, Patrick. Patrick: No problem, buddy. I always wanted to go to a mattress store. [both enter store] SpongeBob and Patrick: Wow! SpongeBob: I've never seen so many mattresses. Patrick: Yeah. SpongeBob: How many do you think there are? Patrick: [looks around and thinks] 10. SpongeBob: Cool. Employee: There's plenty more than that. Try them out. Find one you like. [SpongeBob jumps on a mattress, but Patrick shakes his head. Patrick lays down on a mattress, but sinks into it as SpongeBob shakes his head. SpongeBob falls on his back on a rock-hard mattress. Patrick sits in a racecar bed then a crashing sound is heard. SpongeBob sits on a bed with a bunch of needles and the employee holds up a first-aid kit. Finally, Patrick sits on a mattress that rotates in rolling from side to side. Now back at the Krusty Krab where SpongeBob and Patrick are laughing.] Squidward: What are you morons doing? SpongeBob: Making a card for Mr. Krabs. To go with his new mattress. Squidward: Oh, I see. You're just kissing up to the boss to make me look bad. Well, I won't stand for it. Gimme that card. [signs card] Trying to outsmart me, will ya? [licks envelope] There, I signed it for all of us. Patrick: Hey, you didn't even help pay. SpongeBob: Oh, that's okay, as long as Mr. Krabs is happy. [later at Mr. Krabs' house] Mr. Krabs: Oh, me back. Well, here goes another useless attempt to sleep on me mount less, lumpy mattress. [lays on his mattress, but then notices that something's odd on "his" mattress] Huh, that's queer. Me mattress seems strangely cozy and butter-like... [falls asleep] SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward: Surprise! Mr. Krabs: Armageddon! What? Oh, you? What in the blue eye scallop are you doing in me bedroom? SpongeBob: We noticed how miserable you were on your lumpy, old mattress. Squidward: So I suggested we get you a new one. Patrick: [talking to SpongeBob, looking annoyed] I thought it was your idea. Mr. Krabs: [through gritted teeth, looking obviously enraged] So, where's me old mattress then? [starts to get furious] Squidward: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs, I took care of that personally, too. I had it hauled away to the dump. Mr. Krabs: [exploding in rage over learning that his mattress is gone, Mr. Krabs furiously jumps on Squidward, much to his shock] Yaaargh! All my money was in that mattress! Squidward: [shakes his head in shock] What?! Haven't you ever heard of a bank?! Mr. Krabs: No! [walks backward, hits his lamp along with a bookshelf] SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs: No! [faints] Patrick: And we got you a card. Mr. Krabs: [lifts one eye up off the floor] Is there money in it? Patrick: [shakes the envelope] Nope. [Mr. Krabs faints again. Later, at the hospital] SpongeBob: Is it serious, doctor? Will Mr. Krabs be alright? Doctor #2: Mr. Krabs is in a cash-coma. Only the return of his money can save his life. Squidward: It was SpongeBob's fault! Getting Mr. Krabs a new mattress was his idea! Patrick: [firmly] I knew it! Police Officer: Not so fast! [holds up get well card] This card says "This was all my idea. Love, Squidward." [Squidward's eyes enlarged in shock] If Mr. Krabs doesn't pull through, you're going to jail! Squidward: [infuriated] D'uoh!! You did this, SquarePants! If you don't get Mr. Krabs' mattress back from the dump, I am going to murd... [officer clears his throat, looking angrily at Squidward] ...[nervously] help you do it myself. Patrick: Wow, he really does care. [later at the dump] Patrick: What a dump. SpongeBob: We gotta get in there, Squidward. Mr. Krabs is counting on us. Patrick: [looks through the gate] Hey, SpongeBob, isn't that the mattress over there? SpongeBob: Terrific, Patrick, you found it! Squidward: What? Where? Lemme see. Where? SpongeBob: Over there, Squidward, underneath that really big guard worm. Squidward: Oh, that figures. [later at the hospital] Doctor #2: Oh no, this is horrible. Nurse: What is it, doctor? Doctor #2: This man has no insurance. Nurse: He'll never be able to afford this room! Doctor #2: You're right, nurse. Extract the patient to the hallway. Stat! [Mr. Krabs is pushed into a snack machine while he groans] SpongeBob: Well, that's Mr. Krabs' mattress, alright. Let's go get it. Squidward: Okay, here's the plan: you two quietly go in there, remove the mattress out from the guard worm without... waking... the worm. Patrick: [confused] Why not? SpongeBob: [frankly] Because that would be rude, Patrick. Squidward: And nothing's meaner than a junkyard worm. He'll eat you alive! [SpongeBob and Patrick get scared at hearing this revelation.] Patrick: [crossly] Hey, wait a minute! What are you gonna do? Squidward: [lying] Oh, I've got the most important job. I'm going to keep watch to make sure it's safe. Patrick: [naïvely] Gee, thanks, buddy. Squidward: My pleasure. Now let's get a move on. [laughs] SpongeBob: [Patrick climbs the fence] Ah, isn't it beautiful, Patrick? You can see everything from up here. Patrick: Wow. [both sigh] Squidward: [angry] What are you morons doing? SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick, I think I can see our houses from here. Patrick: Where? I can't see them. [fence flips around to where Squidward is inside and SpongeBob and Patrick are outside] SpongeBob and Patrick: Wow. [both laugh] Patrick: Let's do it again. [he and SpongeBob continue laughing] Squidward: What did you idiots do?! Patrick: Squidward, what are you doing in there? You were suppose to keep watch! SpongeBob: Yeah, and you woke up the guard worm, too! Squidward: I didn't do it! You blockheads woke... [the guard worm emerges from behind Squidward growling] the... worm. [screams in pain as the worm attacks him while Patrick and SpongeBob are horrified at the sight. Later at the hospital] Doctor #1: Doctor? Doctor #2: Yes, doctor? Doctor #1: Regarding your patient, doctor. I have come to this conclusion. Doctor #2: Yes, go on. Doctor #1: We have to surgically remove him out from in front of the candy machine so I can get to the nutty nut bar. Doctor #2: Of course. Nurse? Nurse: I'm on it. [wheels Mr. Krabs outside the hospital while he groans again. Later at the dump] SpongeBob: [climbing down a rope with Patrick to get inside the gate] Worm-bait to the retriever. Worm bait to the retriever. We're in. Out. Squidward: Retriever to worm bait, stay in. Don't go out. SpongeBob: Understood. Out. Squidward: No! In! Out. SpongeBob: Understood. Out. Squidward: Oh, look, you're at the far side of the dump, right? SpongeBob: Affirmative. Squidward: Good. Then make lots of noise to draw the guard worm away from the mattress so I can retrieve it. SpongeBob: Affirmative. Out. Oh, that's why he calls himself "The Retriever." Patrick: Why are we called "Worm-bait?" SpongeBob: I dunno. [ululating with Patrick] Great idea, Patrick! [they both use pots and pans to make loud noises that draw the guard worm away] Squidward: And my perfect plan falls into place. [laughs] Patrick: [continues ululating with SpongeBob; suddenly stops in realization] Uh, SpongeBob? SpongeBob: [stops ululating] Yes, Patrick? Patrick: I think I know why our code name is "Worm-bait!" [guard worm rushes up and growls at them both; they brace with horror] SpongeBob: Nice worm... Good, kind, gentle worm! [worm's eyes turn into an image of the wooden spoon. Then, he behaves like a friendly dog wanting to play] Patrick: Ohh, SpongeBob, he likes your wooden spoon. SpongeBob: [SpongeBob raises the spoon then lowers the spoon as the worm's eyes follow where the spoon is] Wow, I think you're right, Patrick. Patrick: [clapping] See if he plays catch. SpongeBob: Okay, see the stick, boy? [throws spoon] Go get it, boy! [worm chases after spoon] Squidward: Coast is clear. Squiddy, you are a genius. [wooden spoon hits Squidward in the head] Ouch. What the...? Hey, I needed a wooden spoon. I'll just keep it safe from harm in my back pocket. [places spoon in back pocket] And now for the mattress. [worm bites Squidward in the butt] I should've guessed. [worm attacks Squidward again. Back at the hospital] Administrator Flotsam: Excuse me, doctor. Doctor #2: Administrator Flotsam, what can I do for you? Administrator Flotsam: It has come to my attention that your patient, Mr. Krabs, is out on the front sidewalk. Doctor #2: Yes, yes, he is. Administrator Flotsam: What were you thinking, man? We're trying to run a business here. We can't leave patients on the sidewalk. Doctor #2: Not to worry. Nurse! Nurse: I'm on it. [pushes Mr. Krabs away from the hospital and down a hill. Back at the dump, SpongeBob and Patrick are inside of the portable potty] Squidward: Alright, you two, what's the holdup? SpongeBob: We feel silly. Squidward: Come on, do it for old man Krabs. SpongeBob: Okay. [SpongeBob and Patrick jump out of the portable potty in steak costumes] Can you explain the plan again, Squidward? Squidward: Sure, but first, put on this cologne. SpongeBob: [reads label] Steak sauce? [shrugs his shoulders and puts the sauces on his body] Squidward: Okay, so you are dressed as choice cuts. You go in there and yell "Trick or treat!" The worm will realize he forgot to stock up on Halloween candy, he'll leave to buy some, then we take the mattress. Patrick: Gimme that cologne. [Patrick puts the sauce on his body] Squidward: Now get in there! SpongeBob: Happy Halloween, Squidward! Squidward: I am not going to get hurt this time. [hears some rattling in the distance. It's Mr. Krabs on his hospital bed rolling down the street into the dump] Isn't that Mr. Krabs? [screams as Mr. Krabs runs over Squidward, crashes through the gate, and runs into a rock, causing the bed to flip him over in front of his mattress. Guard worm growls] Patrick: That guard worm doesn't look very happy. SpongeBob: Run, Mr. Krabs! Run like you're not in a coma! Mr. Krabs: [sniffs around and recovers] It's... me money! [guard worm snarls as Mr. Krabs roars like a lion and throws the worm into the air and off the mattress in a fit of rage. Mr. Krabs cradles his mattress affectionately] Oh, money. I promise I'll never leave you alone again. SpongeBob: Hey, Mr. Krabs. [Mr. Krabs jumps on his mattress and barks ferociously] No, Mr. Krabs, it's us! Patrick: Trick or treat. Mr. Krabs: Oh, hey, SpongeBob. I didn't recognize you. Say, why are you two dressed as meat? SpongeBob: Not just meat, we're choice cuts! Right, Squidward? Squidward: [annoyed and resigned] Oh, I give up. [guard worm lands in Squidward's arms snarling at him. Scared, Squidward runs off as the worm chases him] Ahhh! Get away! Krabs vs. Plankton [4.2b] [Open on the Chum Bucket. A clam crows like a rooster. Cut to a close-up of Plankton's face. He has his eye closed, and then slowly opens it to show its veins.] Plankton: [drearily] And so passes another sleepless night, haunted by my inability to steal even a single Krabby Patty. [gets up and walks to his computer wife, Karen] Karen: Maybe today will be the day. Plankton: Thank you for your patronizing words, computer wife. [Walks towards the doors of the Chum Bucket] Karen: Do you even have a plan? Plankton: Plan, shman. I'm gonna wing it. What's the worst thing that could happen? [bubbles rise, transitions to the Krusty Krab. Plankton walks through the door] I'm in. That was easy. Maybe today is the day I'm gonna steal the Krabby Patty formula...! [slips and falls into a puddle of water, screaming] SpongeBob: Careful, Plankton, I just mopped there. [Plankton tries to get up] Mr. Krabs: [walks towards them] Look at you, Plankton. Once again, you've fallen flat on your back in another pathetic attempt to steal me formula. [holds a Krabby Patty in front of his face] Though ya tried and tried, ya haven't had the smallest nibble of my delicious formuler. [Plankton tries to bite it, but Mr. Krabs takes it away] And ya never will! [laughs] How do ya sleep at night, knowin' you're a complete failure? [walks away laughing, two customers are watching] Incidental 23: [talking to Incidental 41, commenting on the wet floor SpongeBob was mopping] There really should be a "Wet Floor" sign. Incidental 41: Yeah. If that were me who slipped, I'd sue old man Krabs for all he's got. Plankton: Does that include the Krabby Patty formula? Incidental 23: Of course. Plankton: [ponders the thought and then falls back and pretends to be injured] Oh, the pain! I can't feel my arms and legs! I think they're broken. I'll have to sue for my pain and suffering! Mr. Krabs: [bursting through his office's door] Sue?! Incidental 48: Oh, that looks bad. Incidental 92: Uh-oh. Incidental 46: Poor little man. [SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs enter the frame and look at each other. Transition to ambulance workers pushing Plankton on a gurney.] Mr. Krabs: Wait! Hold up a second! Plankton, we don't need to drag this little incident into court, do we? Plankton: Well... if you transfer the Krabby Patty formula to me, I'll forget your gross negligence. Mr. Krabs: Scoundrel! You'll have my formula when you pry it from me lifeless claws! Plankton: [laughs menacingly, then points at Mr. Krabs] See you in court, Krabs! Uh, I mean... [stops pointing] Oh, the pain! The deep-frying pain! [the ambulance workers carry the gurney off and the scene transitions to the inside of the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs is pacing back and forth, with Squidward and SpongeBob near him] Mr. Krabs: I'm in a blue ruin. I'm doomed! SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. I will do whatever it takes to keep the Krusty Krab formula from getting into Plankton's evil hands. Mr. Krabs: What I really need is a good lawyer. Richard A. Bottomfeeder: Hello, did somebody say "lawyer"? [holds out his business card] Richard A. Bottomfeeder, Attorney at Law. I couldn't help but notice that despicable display. Mr. Krabs: So, uhh, how much is this gonna cost me? Richard: Actually, I won't charge you a dime unless we win. [Mr. Krabs' eyes turn into American dollar signs.] Richard: In fact, I think we should counter sue for everything Plankton owns. [Mr. Krabs' eyes turn into 14K gold bars. The weight on them makes him fall over.] Richard: [points at Mr. Krabs] Does that happen a lot? SpongeBob: No, they're usually silver. [The scene transitions to SpongeBob strolling into Mr. Krabs' office, humming his own credits theme song.] SpongeBob: Um, Mr. Krabs? Mr. Krabs: What is it, lad? SpongeBob: I thought you might wanna hear my testimony for when you call me as a character witness. I've been rehearsing it. Mr. Krabs: Actually, SpongeBob, we won't be needin' any testimony from you. Why, you'll be more of a, uh... [Richard whispers into his ear] of a liability than an asset. SpongeBob: But I -- Mr. Krabs: Ah, run along. Make things ship-shape for my victory celebration. I've gotta get to the courthouse early. There's only a few free parking places. [the lawyer grabs his briefcase and walks outside the door with it] Richard: Oh, this is gonna be a slam-dunk! [screams as he slips and falls on the floor] SpongeBob: Oh, no! Mr. Krabs' lawyer! Speak to me! Richard: [weakly] Wracked...with pain...can't move. SpongeBob: But what about Mr. Krabs' case? Richard: Looks like you're gonna have to handle this one, son. SpongeBob: But I'm a...a liability. Richard: Everything you need to win... [a part of his body snaps] is in this here case. [shows SpongeBob his briefcase] SpongeBob: [swipes the case from him] Really? Everything? Richard: Uh-huh. Everything but a suit. [falls unconscious] SpongeBob: A suit? Wonder where I could get a suit. [He glances down at Richard as the scene changes to the Bikini Bottom Court House. Plankton in a wheelchair enters the courtroom and precedes to Mr. Krabs.] Plankton: [whispering] I'll give you one last chance. I'll drop the charges if you give me the formula. Mr. Krabs: [yelling] Never, ya little runt! [the court audience gasps] Plankton: [dramatically] Oww, oww! My wittle arm! [audience gasps] Mr. Krabs: What? No! I didn't lay a claw on him! Plankton: Oww! My other arm! [audience gasps] Mr. Krabs: He's lyin'! Bah! [Judge's gavel knocks and the two proceed to their desk.] Bailiff: Court will come to order. The Honorable Judge Stickleback presiding. Stickleback: Mr. Krabs, where is your attorney? Mr. Krabs: [hesitantly] I don't know where he could be. [The courtroom door bursts open, with SpongeBob standing there in a gray suit, similar to the previous lawyer's.] SpongeBob: Here I am! Stickleback: Thank you for joining us, Mr... SpongeBob: [placing his briefcase on the desk] SpongeBob LawyerPants, your honor. Mr. Krabs: [through his teeth] What are you doing here, SpongeBob? SpongeBob: Your lawyer, umm, fell down on the job. But don't worry, Mr. Krabs, I have everything under control. It's uhh, all in here. [rubs his briefcase] Mr. Krabs: Really? SpongeBob: Yep, right in here. [tries to unlock the briefcase, but he can't] Mr. Krabs: Is there a problem? SpongeBob: Uhh... your lawyer didn't give me the combination. Stickleback: Is the plaintiff ready to proceed? Plankton: Yes, your honor. I'll try. [moves his wheelchair to the jury box. He "owws" in pain on the way there] I wasn't always the tortured shell of a protozoa that writhes in pain before you today. [starts crying] I... was a vibrant, carefree, happy-go-lucky, single cell. [SpongeBob tries to split the briefcase in half, but splits himself. Mr. Krabs leans over.] Mr. Krabs: Pull yourself together, boy. Plankton: Then came the fateful day that I paid an innocent visit to the deathtrap known as the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs: How's it comin', lad? SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. I'm on the case. [takes a kitchen knife and tries to pry open the briefcase] Plankton: Upon entering said establishment, I found myself without any warning, slipping and finally falling onto a hard, unforgiving floor [SpongeBob continues with the knife] that had been intentionally [the knife shoots him to the light on the ceiling] covered with a viscous fluid. [SpongeBob puts a lamp shade on his head.] SpongeBob: Bombs away! [drops onto the briefcase like a bomb, but nothing happens. SpongeBob drops off the desk and onto the floor] Plankton: Ahem! Are you quite finished? SpongeBob: [nods] Mm-hmm. Plankton: Where was I? Oh yeah. But the worst part is...my dreams of completing a marathon like I promised my old Grammy have been dashed. [cries] I'm...I'm sorry Gram-Gram! Sorry! [the audience begin to cry] Thank you for your kind attention. [turns around and, softly] Suckers. Stickleback: Does the defense... [sniffles] have an opening statement? SpongeBob: Yes, your honor. Poor Gram-Gram! [Transitions to Mr. Krabs on the stand.] Plankton: [presents a "wet floor" sign to Mr. Krabs] Mr. Krabs, can you identify this item? Mr. Krabs: It's a "wet floor" sign. Plankton: Do you own one? Mr. Krabs: Uhh...well...umm...No, I don't. [everyone gasps] No, no! You don't understand! I had to make some tough business decisions and the sign seemed... superfluous? Court Audience: Guilty. Guilty, guilty, guilty. Plankton: No more questions. [SpongeBob tries using a screwdriver to open the case.] Stickleback: Your witness, Mr. LawyerPants. SpongeBob: Huh? Stickleback: Sometime today, Mr. Pants. SpongeBob: May it please the court, ladies and gentlemen of the jury. My client has been called cheap, [Mr. Krabs starts sweating] miserly, and chronically tight-fisted. But, if he were as cheap as the prosecution claims he is, would he be able to sit there quietly while I took out a dollar, [takes out a dollar] and dropped it in the blender? [drops the dollar in a blender] [Mr. Krabs gasps. SpongeBob presses the "obliterate" button on the blender. The dollar starts to be shredded] Mr. Krabs: No! No-no! No! [runs and grabs the blender. He starts grabbing the piece of shredded dollar from the air] Daddy's got ya. Daddy's got ya. Daddy's here. [the jury talks amongst themselves and SpongeBob tries to look innocent] A little glue, a little tape. You'll be right as rain. [walks off, but then walks back to pick up a stranded piece of dollar] Daddy didn't forget ya. SpongeBob: Uhh... Stickleback: Does the defense have any witness to call? SpongeBob: Yes, your honor. Defense calls Squidward to the stand. Mr. Krabs: [rests in his chair] Ahh, Squidward, a loyal employee. [Squidward is up in the stand] SpongeBob: Mr., uhh, Squidward, is it? My client has been called cheap. Would you agree with that ludicrous statement? Squidward: Yes. Mr. Krabs: What?! SpongeBob: Allow me to rephrase the question. Can you tell the court of some instance of Mr. Krabs' generosity in any way? Squidward: Nope. Can I go now? One day off in three years and I have to spend it testifying? [the jury talks amongst themselves] Mr. Krabs: [looking scared, he starts taking a nail and hammer and tries to open the briefcase] Must...open...case! [Transition to SpongeBob questioning something else.] SpongeBob: So, it was you who made the floor slippery, wasn't it? [he's questioning the mop he was using, it doesn't speak] SpongeBob: Answer the question! [the jury look at each other questioningly] Need I remind you that you, sir, are under oath? Mr. Krabs: I'm doomed. [Transition to SpongeBob still trying to open the briefcase.] Mr. Krabs: You may as well give up on that case, me boy. My goose is cooked. SpongeBob: [gasps] Mr. Krabs, I'm surprised at you! We can't give up just because things look bleak! This trial will be won by what's in your heart, not what's in this dumb old case! [He hits the case with his fist; the case suddenly opens up] It's open! [they lift the case] Mr. Krabs: It's... [shows that the thing inside the briefcase is just a Krabby Patty] It's just his lunch. [realizes] Or is it? [A light bulb pops out of a pore on SpongeBob's head and starts glowing.] SpongeBob: Defense calls Plankton to the stand. [Plankton is surprised. Later, on the stand...] SpongeBob: Why did you go into the Krusty Krab that day? Plankton: [nervous] To, you know, say hello to my once good friend, Mr. Krabs. What? SpongeBob: Are you sure it wasn't to make off with one of these? [He rises up and shows Plankton the Krabby Patty from the briefcase; Plankton starts licking his lips.] SpongeBob: [smirks] Gotcha. [waves the patty up and down] Weren't you there to steal the formula of the most delicious, sweet smelling sandwich known to Bikini Bottom? Krabby Patty...! Plankton: [continuously sweating] Uhh...uhh...uhh... [tries to bite the sandwich, but SpongeBob takes it away. He takes off his fake casts] I can't take it! Gimme! Gimme, gimme, gimme! [jumps for the sandwich and grabs it, then he runs off with it] Yippee! Finally it's mine! Mr. Krabs: [grabbing the sandwich from Plankton] I'll take that! Plankton: Huh? No! No, no! Mr. Krabs: Once again, Plankton, the sweetest of life's joys has eluded your grasp. [eats the Krabby Patty] Plankton: No, no, no, nooo! Stickleback: [bangs gavel] Has the jury reached a verdict? Tom: We have, your honor. We find the defendant: Not guilty! ...But he is cheap. Mr. Krabs: Thank you, SpongeBob. I was foolish not to accept your help from the beginnin'. SpongeBob: That's okay, Mr. Krabs. I made you a present. Mr. Krabs: A present? For me? SpongeBob: Close your eyes and hold out your hand. [Mr. Krabs does so. SpongeBob gives Mr. Krabs a "wet floor" sign with many nails in it. Mr. Krabs grabs it and starts yelling in pain] It's a "wet floor" sign. I made it myself. Mr. Krabs: Well, it'll do. After all, it's free! Have You Seen This Snail? [4.3] Squidward: What are those Neanderthals up to? [The scene cuts to his bathroom, where he is taking a bath] Don't they know I'm busy spoiling myself? [SpongeBob and Patrick open Squidward's door while he is in the bathtub] AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!! [pants] SpongeBob: You check over there, I’ll check in here. [checks in the bathtub Squidward is in] Find him yet, Pat? Episode 4 Skill Crane [4.4a] Mr. Krabs: Need some change? Squidward: [exhausted] No. Mr. Krabs: What? Why? Squidward: Because I'm all out of money! Good Neighbors [4.4b] Squidward: At least I still have my Sunday pedicure to look forward to. [SpongeBob and Patrick are laughing inside Squidward's house. Squidward opens his front door] What are you two doing in my house? SpongeBob: We're checking to make sure this guy really is a certified foot masseur and not some kind of assassin. Patrick: Well I say he checks out a-ok. SpongeBob: Squidward, have you ever seen more lovely French tips? [shows foot with long toenails] Squidward: French tips, huh?! [pushes SpongeBob and Patrick's chair out of the way] All right, pal, make with the relaxing foot massage, pronto! Harold (red fish): Uh-oh. Uh, sorry. Your hour's up. [packs up and leaves] Squidward: Alright, you two. OUT! [SpongeBob and Patrick walk to the front door] And don't even think about dragging your empty skulls around here for the rest of the day! Or tomorrow, or next week! SpongeBob: Squidward, does that include-? Squidward: YES, IT DOES! [furiously slams the door shut] SpongeBob: Gee, Patrick, do you think Squidward was trying to tell us something? Squidward: [busts head through the door] YES, I WAS!!! You call yourselves good neighbors?! YOU'RE THE WORST NEIGHBORS EVER! [angrily inhales] You don't deserve to wear those FEZZES! [takes SpongeBob and Patrick's fezzes off and rapidly stomps them into the ground] SpongeBob: Gee, Pat, maybe President Squidward's right. Patrick: Yeah, I guess we aren't good neighbors after all. Squidward: NO, YOU AREN'T!!! YOU'RE HORRIBLE NEIGHBORS! [angrily inhales again] And STOP calling me president! [pops his head back inside] SpongeBob: Come on, let's go. [he and Patrick walk off sadly] SpongeBob: [after pushing the button, which causes Squidward's house sit on top of Squidward] We did it, Patrick! [Squidward busts through from beneath the floor] President Squidward? Squidward: [calmly] No-no, don't say anything more. This was all my fault. I was the one who wanted to relax on Sunday. Now, if you'll be so kind as to leave... [SpongeBob and Patrick walk out the door] ...so I can get ready for work tomorrow? SpongeBob: Mr. President— Squidward: Shush. SpongeBob: But we just wanted to— Squidward: [savagely yells loudly; echoing] GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! [SpongeBob and Patrick get blown away; sees an angry mob] Huh? Scooter: [angrily pointing at Squidward] THERE HE IS! Angry resident fish: Are you the owner of this house? Squidward: [angrily] Yes! Yes, I am! Angry resident fish: Then on behalf the citizens of Bikini Bottom, I present you with this summons to pay for the destruction of our town. [hands Squidward the summons] You'll be doing community service every Sunday for the rest of your life. [walks off] Squidward: Huh? [twitches his left eye and looks at the camera] SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward, you got one of those, too? [SpongeBob and Patrick walk up with a summons in their hands] This'll be GREAT! The three of us cleaning up Bikini Bottom! Well, see ya next Sunday, President Squidward! [Squidward flinches lividly as the episode ends] Episode 5 Selling Out [4.5a] Carl: What's our motto here at Krabby O'Mondays? Squidward: [bored] "Sincere service with a smile." Carl: Well yes, but with the Krabby O'Mondays sprit! Now, Squidward, you wouldn't wanna have to talk to human resources. [A big buff fish threatens to punch Squidward from behind the HR door] Would you? So, what's our motto again? Squidward: [now nervous] Uh...uh. "S-sincere service..." [slaps himself and is now trying to look happy] "...with a smile!" [The HR fish slides back into his room] Carl: Now you're getting it! Mr. Krabs: Hey, Carl, what have ya done with me restaurant?! Processed Krabby Patties? Computerized registers?! Carl: Look around you. Our customers are quite content with the contrived, and the mediocre. [customer falls asleep, snoring] Mr. Krabs: That's because they don't know what they're eating. [grabs a pile of the gray sludge from the Krabby Patty making machine in the kitchen, then walks up to a customer] 'Scuse me, ma'am. Do you know what's in that Krabby Patty you're eatin'? Incidental 63: No. [Mr. Krabs shows her a pile of the gray sludge to emphasize his point. The customer gasps, screams at the sight of it and runs out] Mr. Krabs: See that? Without all your smoke and mirrors, no one would stomach this garbage! Incidental 42: What'd he say? Garbage? [Customers notice what's in the Krabby Patties and everyone runs out. Mr. Krabs laughs as Carl takes out a book of rules, appears angry.] Carl: [annoyed] Eugene, you're in violation of your contract. Mr. Krabs: Rules! Here's a rule for ya: people can't eat stain glass barstools! [throws barstool into the big screen TV out of rage and takes the cash register to the kitchen] I'll show you automated! [runs off to the kitchen] Carl: [calls on his walkie-talkie] Mr. Blandy? Code red! Free thinker! [Mr. Krabs shoves the cash register in the Krabby Patty making machine] Howard Blandy: Mr. Krabs, is there a problem here? Mr. Krabs: You better believe there's a problem! I used to kiss the ground ya walked on, Blandy! But after seein' this, I wouldn't even spit in your direction! Krabby Patties are supposed to be made by hand, one at a time! [Cut to the kitchen, where the Krabby Patty machine inflates and about to blow up. Cut back to Mr. Krabs.] Mr. Krabs: Not on a conveyor belt! [Krabby O'Monday's begins to shake and make sirens, as Mr. Krabs suddenly notices. Howard and his team suddenly stop, eyes blank. Gray sludge begins to leak out of the kitchen into the main room.] Carl: Oh my... [The garbage blows up from the kitchen and blows everybody away off the Krabby O'Monday's including the employees. The restaurant blows up and got destroyed. Carl was seen floating away.] Carl: Does this mean I won't get that raise, sir? Howard Blandy: [he looks at the restaurant which is destroyed by the gray meat] It's ruined! Friend: We'll have to sell it. We'll be lucky if we get a fraction of what we paid for it. [Mr. Krabs drives up with boat full of suitcases] Mr. Krabs: I'll buy it for full price! Friend: Sold. We won't need your contract anymore. [rips off the contract] Nice doing business with you. Mr. Krabs: Pleasure's all mine. Now get out of me restaurant. [laughs while Howard Blandy and his friends walk away sadly in humiliation, leaving SpongeBob and Squidward] Well, we did it, boys. [puts the hats on them] The Krusty Krab is ours again. Ya know, in that fit of maniacal rage, I may have destroyed the restaurant, scared away all our customers, and forced us into bankruptcy because I returned nearly every penny I sold this stink heap for, but it was all worth it. And, I got back the love of me dear friends. Squidward: Really, Mr. Krabs? Mr. Krabs: No, not really. Get back to work! [he hands them Spatula and the Mop. SpongeBob was glad while Squidward was annoyed, leaving Mr. Krabs, who now pushes the key to open the register and ends with dollar signs, ending the episode] Funny Pants [4.5b] Squidward: [finding out tears form a flood] Oh, that's it! This charade has to end! [storms out of his bed and rushes through the door] [a door opens, a flood of water splashes all over Squidward and reveals to be a sad SpongeBob] SpongeBob: [tearfully] Hi, Squidward. Squidward: SpongeBob, this infernal crying has to stop. SpongeBob: But Squidward, I...I broke my laugh box! [sprays a fountain of tears into his face] Squidward: [puts his tentacle hands over SpongeBob's eyes, stopping the tears] SpongeBob, there's no such thing as a laugh box! I made the whole thing up to get some peace from your insipid laughter! SpongeBob: You mean...my laugh box isn't broken? And it was a cruel lie that sent me into spiraling depression? Squidward: [taken aback by the revelation] Uhh, well it sounds pretty harsh when you put it that way, but yes. SpongeBob: I could laugh the whole time? Squidward: Yeah. [SpongeBob begins to laugh again; both laugh] You really fell for it. SpongeBob: I guess I did! Squidward: You even fell for the ol' thermometer in the boiling oil routine. [laughs] SpongeBob: [stops laughing] It's really not that funny, Squidward. Squidward: It's hilarious! SpongeBob: See ya later, Squidward. [goes into his house] Squidward: [still laughing] Break your laugh box! What a schlemiel. [his laughter turns to coughing as his sides started aching] yahhhh! [inhales deeply and lets out a long cough, thus losing his laughter, and falls flat to the ground, two paramedics come take him to the hospital] Dunces and Dragons [4.6] SpongeBob: [at the guillotine] Well, I guess this is it, Patrick. Patrick: I guess so. I'm gonna miss you, SpongeBob! [crying] SpongeBob: I'll miss you, too, buddy! [both sobbing as King Krabs crashes into the guillotine, breaking it] [Dragon takes Princess Pearl away] Princess Pearl: Daddy, help! King Krabs: Pearl! [cries] Can no one stop this madness?! [sun shines on SpongeBob and Patrick] You two, my apologies. [kisses their feet] Most noble and valiant warriors. Patrick: I guess this is what you call the royal treatment. [SpongeBob, Squidly, and Patrick all head to the bridge to stop the evil wizard, but a Dark Knight blocks their path] Dark Knight: [dark male voice] Halt! Who goes there? Squidly: Doth mine eyes betray me? 'Tis the nefarious Dark Knight! [sings] Oh, dark knight, spare us please, don't cut off our heads or boil our knees. Pray take these two and let me go free and I will give to thee some... cheese! [cow moos] SpongeBob and Patrick: Dark Knight? Dark Knight: [dark male voice] I asketh once more. Before I rip thee limb from limb, reveal thyself! SpongeBob: I am SpongeBob and this is Patrick. [laughs nervously] We've been sent to rescue Princess Pearl from Planktonimor. Dark Knight: [dark male voice] If thou wisheth to get across, thou willst have [reveals herself as Medieval Sandy and speaks with a female voice] to get through me! SpongeBob: [gasps] Medieval Sandy! I know how to handle this: With a little karate! [both attack each other, but SpongeBob swallows Sandy then spits her out into a rock] Dark Knight: Whah! By the hammer of Odin, this be a new fighting style mine eyes have not yet seen. SpongeBob: I am bad! Oh, yeah! Whoo! Dark Knight: Doth thou tryeth to insult me? Thou willst drink from the fountain of shame! SpongeBob: Do you hear that, Patrick? I told you see zings like a squir... Whoa! [Dark Knight destroys the armor and throws SpongeBob into a rock. SpongeBob ends up having his legs and arms switched. He laughs] Good one, Medieval Sandy! But can you handle my feet of fury? [attacks Dark Knight, but the Dark Knight jumps out of the way as SpongeBob bounces off the rock and into Dark Knight sending her into the other rock. SpongeBob attacks her again, but the Dark Knight pins him against the rock] Dark Knight: Wouldst thou like a little rubdown? [as she is rubbing SpongeBob, it turns into dust causing the Dark Knight to cough. SpongeBob appears normal again and karate chops the Dark Knight as she crashes onto a rock. SpongeBob then walks up to her as he is about to finish her off] You have bested me, yellow knight... Strike quick and true, noble sponge... SpongeBob: I don't understand a word you just said! [laughs. Dark Knight turns into a real live action squirrel, but with the crosses for eyes as dead] Uh, Medieval Sandy, you don't look so good. Sandy? Sandy...? [screen turns black then water is thrown onto the Dark Knight] Patrick, it's working! Do it again. [Patrick gathers spit and spits it upon her] Dark Knight: Thou hath spared me, kind and noble sponge. And to thee, I owe a debt of gratitude, for I will follow you in your quest to defeat Planktonimor and learn a trifle of that karate. SpongeBob: Yeah, karate! Whah! Cha-cha! [karate chops Squidly in half] Squidly: Ow-eth. Episode 7 Enemy In-Law [4.7a] [Everyone is running around inside the Chum Bucket after getting kidnapped by the ChumBot] Plankton: Oh, good, the lunch rush. Now that my ChumBot has dropped you into my clutches, you'll be forced to eat at the Chum Bucket. [Everyone stops in their tracks] Nat: [furiously] What? You mean you kidnapped us just to sell us your fast food? Plankton: Come on, it's a standard marketing technique. [People leave] Nat: You little twerp! [leaves] Plankton: Hey! Karen: He's right, ya know. Plankton: Karen. [walks up to her] You think I'm a twerp? Karen: Well, yes, but I was referring to the kidnapping. Plankton: Everything I do is always wrong in your eyes. Karen: Maybe it's because you are always wrong. Plankton: Fine, I'm wrong and you're right. Karen: You said it, not me. You know, you're lucky to have me. Plankton: [walking away] Why did I ever install that nagging software? Karen: "Nagging software"? I heard that! Come back and dust my screen! Plankton: Why did I ever buy that computer wife? I need a real woman, not a girl in a cold-hearted shell. [hears Mama Krabs humming outside so he brings down his periscope on her] Such beauty. She's an angel, and no wires. I've never felt like this before. I don't even know her name and yet she's stolen my heart. Karen: [angry] Plankton! You've fallen in love with another woman?! I'm your wife! Plankton: You're a W.I.F.E. [pulls out a chart] Wired Integrated Female Electroencephalograph. Karen: Oh, you always pull that one out! [mocking voice] "You're not a real wife, you're just a computer!" Plankton: [sighing] Why don't you have an "off" switch? [sees it and smiles] Karen: Plankton, don't you dare... [turns off] Plankton: And now to woo that beloved creature. Plankton: Excuse me! I can't reach my silverware! SpongeBob: Terribly sorry, sir. [pulls out a smaller chair and table, places it on the big table, and puts Plankton into it] Will there be anything else? Plankton: Is my tie on straight? SpongeBob: You...look FABULOUS! Plankton: [pulls rose away from his body] Hello, my dear. I must say you look ravishing tonight. Betsy: [notices Plankton] Oh, my. You're a tiny thing, but awfully cute. [sits down in a chair that SpongeBob has brought to her] Tell me about yourself. Plankton: Well, I'm in the food service business. I'm a bit of a restaurateur. I'm the founder and owner of the Chum Bucket. Betsy: Never heard of it. Plankton: [points to the Chum Bucket] It's across the street. Betsy: Doesn't ring a bell. Plankton [shows her the back of a phone book with a picture of him and the Chum Bucket] It's on the back of the phone book! Come on! I paid a lotta money for that ad! [puts the book away] Never mind, never mind. I'd like to hear about you. Betsy: Well... Mr. Krabs: Plankton! Plankton: Krabs! Betsy: Eugene! Mr. Krabs: Mommy? Plankton: "Mommy"? SpongeBob: [jumps in the air] SpongeBob! Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob...! Plankton: This delectable creature is your mother? Mr. Krabs: This no-good conniving chiseler is your date?! SpongeBob: And this devilishly handsome sponge is your waiter. Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! Mr. Krabs: [barges in the Chum Bucket] You! Plankton: Eugene? Mr. Krabs: I came to warn you, Plankton. Stay away from me mother! I know what you're really up to. Plankton: I'm serious, Eugene. I've changed my ways. And all it took was the love of a beautiful woman. Mr. Krabs: All you like is thieving and conniving. Now, stop trying to get the formula out of me mother! Plankton: What are you talking about? Mr. Krabs: I'm talking about the Krabby Patty formula! Plankton: Your mother knows the Krabby Patty formula? Mr. Krabs: Don't play stupid with me. Of course she does. It's an old Krabs family recipe, and you're not family! [Plankton frowns] I'm telling you for the last time - stay away from me mother. [walks out] Plankton: Not family, eh? I can fix that. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy VI: The Motion Picture [4.7b] SpongeBob: [walks in angrily] Too old for an action movie. Huh! Barnacle Boy: What is it this time, kid? SpongeBob: Are you aware Drippy Brothers Studio is making the Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy movie? Barnacle Boy: They can't be making a movie about us! SpongeBob: But they are, and they're using... [snap to a live-action close-up of his mouth] ...actors. [the heroes gasp] They have shunned our heroes. Patrick: And they weren't nice to them either. Mermaid Man: [sobs] Now our dreams of being big screen heroes will never come true. SpongeBob: Well, that makes it even worse. Barnacle Boy: [puts his hands on Mermaid Man's back] You bet it does, kid. Mermaid Man: And the worst part is...I can't remember why I started crying. [sobs some more] Patrick: Why don't we just make our own movie? SpongeBob: Patrick, once again, you have exposed your brilliance. We'll make a real Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy movie, right here at Shady Shoals. Mermaid Man: [stops crying] You will? SpongeBob: Yes, and in doing so, we will right the wrong done to you by the evil Drippy Brother Studios and... [same close-up of his mouth from before] ...their actors. Mermaid Man: [jumps on top of the table] Vindication is ours! Vindi...How did I get up here? Patrick: Good morning, SpongeBob. SpongeBob: Everything's ruined! Well, at least we got the footage! Patrick: Yeah, I got the footage. SpongeBob: [notices something] Patrick, what is that? Patrick: Oh, it's a camera. SpongeBob: [takes off lens cap] No, Patrick. This! [points at the lens cap] Patrick: Oh, that's a lens cap. SpongeBob: [surprised] Did you just put that on?! Patrick: No, I didn't want to lose it, so I put it there right before we started filming. [SpongeBob screams, Patrick becomes confused and watches SpongeBob go insane, he scoots his butt on the ground much to Squidward and Mr. Krabs' shock, lifts up piece of ground, and eats worms on bottom side. Patrick, Sandy and Pearl gasp.] SpongeBob: [sobbing] The movie's ruined! We can't make a movie! Episode 8 Patrick SmartPants [4.8a] SpongeBob: Patrick! You're back! Patrick: Patrick, you're back. [They hug each other] SquidBob TentaclePants [4.8b] Doctor: Congratulations, Mrs. Smith, you gave birth to a healthy baby boy. Mrs. Smith: Mercy my baby! Doctor: Of course! [shows Mrs. Smith SquidBob; Mrs. Smith screams] Sandy: Whoo-wee, there you boys are. Looks like I'm just in time. SpongeBob/Squidward: Sandy? Sandy: One blast of this Molecular Separator Ray and you'll be separated for good. [SpongeBob and Squidward try to tell Sandy not to blast them, but was too late, she blasts the ray at Squidward and SpongeBob and it separates them. Crowd gasps] Squidward: [SpongeBob gives him back his clarinet] Hmph. [plays clarinet off-key making SpongeBob cheer for him, but the audience hates it as they block their ears, Old Man Jenkins faints off his chair] Mary: I think I'm going to be sick. [Squidward blows his clarinet at Billy which blows his skin off and shows his skeleton] Billy: Ah, I'm out of here! Squidward: Huh, no wait. Wait! [everyone leaves] Oh, my one moment of fame gone. [grabs the Molecular Separator Ray] There's got to be some way to reverse this. [pushes the button over and over] Sandy: No, Squidward! That's a very sensitive device! SpongeBob: Squidward, I wouldn't... [The Molecular Separator Ray blasts into the final scene] Therapist: [talking to Squidward] So, what seems to be the problem, Mr. Tentacles? Squidward: It all started when I was born. [The camera zooms out revealing SpongeBob, Patrick, Mr. Krabs, Sandy, Mrs. Puff, Larry, and Pearl, all joined into Squidward's body in a horrifying, Cronenbergian mass as the episode ends] Episode 9 Krusty Towers [4.9a] [Towards the end of the episode, Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward wind up in the hospital. Mr. Krabs is alarmed to see at how high their medical bill is] Mr. Krabs: $15,000?! Squidward: You're not going to have a heart attack, are you? Mr. Krabs: Not at these prices. Forget hotels, this hospital wreck's where the money is. Patrick: This is a hospital? Mr. Krabs: Pack your bags, boys, you're going to medical school. Patrick and SpongeBob: Hooray! Squidward: Oh, boy. Mrs. Puff, You're Fired [4.9b] SpongeBob: [after he destroys every obstacle in the driving course] So, how'd I do? Roderick: How'd you do? [lifts up a broken fragment of a civilian obstacle SpongeBob destroyed] Why don't you ask the shattered remains of this pedestrian how you did?! SpongeBob: Did I pass? Mr. Fitz: Well, if there was a "destroy the city" part of the test, you would have. Patrick: [takes pants off SpongeBob's head] The nerve of some people. Mr. Fitz: Sorry, SpongeBob, you failed again. Even our finest instructor could not teach you. Mrs. Puff, you're hired again. SpongeBob: [at boating school] Hey, Mrs. Puff! Sorry I'm "unteachable." Mrs. Puff: It's okay. Mr. Fitz gave me my teaching certificate back. [sniffles, holds up a burnt, charred object] And your dossier was destroyed in the explosion, [voice breaking] so it's as if you never failed. SpongeBob: I got you a welcome back gift, Mrs. Puff. [shows name tag] I found all the pieces and glued them back together. I promise it won't take me a million tries this time. [Mrs. Puff puts her head down on her desk and begins to sob quietly, and the name tag shatters as the episode ends] Episode 10 Chimps Ahoy [4.10a] Professor Percy: Well, Miss Cheeks, I must say you have exceeded expectations. Lord Reginald: It may be the extreme head trauma I've suffered, but I am going to offer you a 20-year contract with a substantial pay raise. Sandy: I accept. SpongeBob and Patrick: Hooray! Professor Percy: I expect great things out of you, Miss Cheeks. Great things. Lord Reginald: Perhaps you could put your talents toward that automatic poop-throwing machine that's eluded us for so long. Dr. Marmalade: Now, now, one miracle at a time. All Chimps: Goodbye! Sandy: Well, the only thing left is to figure out what to do with this infernal contraption. Patrick: My turn. [sits on his invention] Whoo-hoo! [machine turns on and he screams] All right! Ghost Host [4.10b] Flying Dutchman: [green fog passes by his ship while he steers his ship] Curse this cursed, ghostly fog. I can barely see past me own nose. [gas is sprayed in his eyes] Urrgh! [screams after noticing the unseen cliff, only seen seconds after; then the ship is split in half after it runs into a cliff. The Flying Dutchman falls down the cliff, falling through a basketball hoop before hitting the ground; the ship falls onto of him into pieces then he crawls out] Me ship. [his ship turns into dust. His hat floats gently down, and he picks it up. He then gets out his cell phone to dial the Roadside Assistance] Hello, Roadside Assistance? I've got a bit of a flat! My location where I'll be staying? Business or residence? [sees SpongeBob go into his house] Residence. Flying Dutchman: I'm stuck here while me ship is being repaired. 'Til then, I'm here to haunt ya! SpongeBob: It's okay, Gary. SpongeBob: Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no! [furiously opens the door] Everyone, get out! Flying Dutchman: All righty, boys. Party's over. Time to scoot, honey. SpongeBob: [runs out of Squidward's closet] Dutchie, it worked! You got your scare back. Flying Dutchman: And me confidence, too. Now I feel like I can scare the living criminy out of anybody! All thanks to you, my boy. SpongeBob: And, maybe your ship will be repaired soon. Flying Dutchman: Actually, I have a confession, SpongeBob. My ship's been done for 3 months now. Well, it was nice roomin' with ya. [flies back up to his ship] Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I left you a little something for all your trouble. Now, it's time for me to ruin more souls. [ships sails off] SpongeBob: [opens the package; a hand grabs him, eats him, and belches] Hahaha! Good Ol' Dutchie. Episode 11 Whale of a Birthday [4.11a] Pearl: [approaches Mr. Krabs] Tell me you've got something totally coral planned for my birthday party. Mr. Krabs: Now, now, don't snap your mizzenmast. Everything is all set. Why, I've already got the party favors, bubble wrap! [pops the bubble wrap] This year's gonna be a blast! Pearl: Daddy! You've ruined all my birthday parties, but you better not ruin this one. Now promise me you won't be cheap! Mr. Krabs: [gulps] I promise. Pearl: Good, because I made a list. [list rolls out of the Krusty Krab and down the road. Mr Krabs rolls it up] Now I want everything on this list at my party. [kisses her father and runs out] Bye! I'll be at the mall with my friends. Pearl: Wait, don't leave! My dad got Boys Who Cry to play! You did get Boys Who Cry, right? [glaring crossed-arms at her dad] Mr. Krabs: Oh, even better, sweetie. (You're not only the Boys Who Cry fan.) Hit it! [Curtain unfolds as R & B Music begins to play with Squidward standing on the stage] Squidward: Hello, ladies. [sings "It's all about you"]' When my tear ducts get issue, I can't use just any tissue... I need 4-Ply, 4-Ply, 4-Ply, when I cry... Huh! Friend 2: Hey, that is not Boys Who Cry! Judy: Yeah! [Cut to Squidward shaking his rear end] Friend 2: Boo! Friend 1: What a rip-off! Judy: This stinks! Pearl: Daddy, how could you?! I... gave... you... a list! [runs out crying] Mr. Krabs: Pearl, come back! [The crowd throws tomatoes, eggs and Pearl's meat head at Squidward] Pearl: You've ruined everything! You couldn't stop being cheap, even for me! [cries] Mr. Krabs: I'll make it up to you somehow, Pearl. SpongeBob: [suddenly walks into frame] That's it! Back it up... Right there. Let 'er go! [A delivery truck with all the gifts SpongeBob bought dump onto them] Pearl: You bought me a boat? Mr. Krabs: I did? I mean... I (really) did!? Friends: Wow. Pearl: Oh, daddy! I don't know how it could get better than this. SpongeBob: Just watch. Hit it, boys. Karate Island [4.11b] [scene cuts to SpongeBob and Sandy walking toward their boat] SpongeBob: Sandy, I'm sorry I acted like a jerk back there. Thanks for saving me from... [swallows hard] buying a condo. Sandy: Aw, shucks, SpongeBob, that's what friends are for. SpongeBob: I still have one question, though. Does this mean I'm not King of Karate anymore? Sandy: You are in my book, SpongeBob. You are in my book. Now let me tell you about real estate. It's all about location... [boat drives off as another boat, carrying Squidward, arrives] Squidward: I'm here! The King of Clarinets has arrived! [Master Udon is waiting on top of the rocks again] Episode 12 All That Glitters [4.12a] Mr. Krabs: [shocked] Monster Krabby Patty? Costumers: Monster Krabby Patty? Voices in Bathroom: Monster Krabby Patty? [live action human hands place the Monster Krabby Patty on the oven while SpongeBob is making] Mr. Krabs: Well, we better get back to work. Spongebob: Work? How can I go back to work without Spat?! Mr Krabs: Use another spatular. Spongebob: [shocked with spinning spiral eyes] What?! There is only one spatula for me, and that is Spat. Spat, wait up! Spat! [runs off to the hospital] I'm coming, Spat! [scene cuts to the hospital where SpongeBob is by Spatula's bed] Oh, Spat, we've been through so much together. [SpongeBob flashes back to all the good times he had with his spatula: flipping patties, laying in the sun with Spatula, scratching his back with Spatula, playing ping pong with his spatula, reaching under the chair for the remote with spatula, and playing pirates with Spatula] Doctor: There's no easy way to say this. SpongeBob, if I were you, I would give serious consideration to start thinking about...a replacement spatula. [SpongeBob turns around and starts to cry, then turns back around] Go home. Get some rest. We'll try to do everything we can. Spongebob: Thank you, Doctor. Doctor: Oh, I'm not a doctor. I'm an actor who's searching for a role. Yes! Woohoo! I am so totally gonna get this part. [sighs happily] SpongeBob: Spatula, what's wrong? [Spat shakes its head] But I didn't mean to betray you. Mr. Krabs needed a replacement. Krabby Patties don't flip themselves, you know. It was a moment of weakness! I'm sorry! Oh, what have I done?! What have I done?! [begins crying and rolls] SpongeBob 2: [comes up] All that glitters is not gold. [goes down] [SpongeBob is still crying on the floor. Spatula considers this, lowers its head, and wheels itself away] SpongeBob: Good-bye, best friend. [crawls crying all the way to the Krusty Krab kitchen] I'll never find another spatula like him again. [notices Spatula flipping patties by itself] Spatula? You're back! [jumps for Spatula in slow motion, the camera cuts to outer space] Oh, Spatula, now that we're together again, nothing will ever separate us. [Back at the Krusty Krab] Squidward: One monster Krabby Patty. [The same real set of hands put a bunch of meat on the grill as before] SpongeBob: Okay, buddy, we can do this. Ready? One, two, three. [this time, instead of the spatula breaking again, his arms come off] D'oh! [laughs at the audience] Wishing You Well [4.12b] Mr. Krabs: [upon learning about wishing wells] You mean suckers throw money down a well for fun? That's the greatest scam ever! Harold: Can we have our quarter back now? Squidward: Could you not stand so close? You're making me claustrophobic. Patrick: What does "claustrophobic" mean? SpongeBob: It means he's afraid of Santa Claus! Squidward: No it doesn't! Patrick: HO, HO, HO! [giggles] SpongeBob: Stop it, Patrick! You're scaring him! Patrick: HO, HO, HO! [giggles] Squidward: It's not working, Patrick. Patrick: Darn. Squidward: [shoves Patrick] Stop pushing me Patrick. Patrick: You mean like this? [shoves Squidward] Squidward: No like this! [shoves Patrick] SpongeBob: [both Patrick and Squidward are fighting] You shouldn't fight in here. This is a magical place. [Scene zooms to outside the well] Squidward: Patrick, get off of me! [scene zooms back into the well where Patrick is sitting on Squidward] I told you I am claustrophobic! Patrick: Nice try, Squidward, but there's no Santa Claus here. Squidward: Patrick! Mr. Krabs: You'll never get me to believe in magic, never! Just to prove it to ya, I'll demonstrate. [dropping a penny in the well] I wish I was steamed and served with a side of melted butter! [laughs] SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, NOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Mr. Krabs: Well, where's your magic now? [disappears into thin air and appears as a real steamed crab on a plate] Oh... where am I? What's going on here? [A person behind him lays out melted butter and puts on a bib reading "THE END"] Uh-oh. I do believe in magic! I do believe in magic! I do believe in magic! Oh, no! [episode ends] Episode 13 New Leaf [4.13a] Plankton: Exactly! They've all been just attempts. And every single one a miserable failure. I can feel my arteries clogging up with anxiety just thinking about it. [sighs] Let me show you something. [scene cuts to them walking into the Chum Bucket, which is full of spider webs] Look at this place! Mr. Krabs: [runs into a spider web and screams] Criminy, Plankton, you ever heard of spring cleaning? Plankton: What's the point? Do you know when the last time I had a customer was? Mr. Krabs: Actually, I don't recall you ever having a customer. Plankton: Well, there he is. [points to rat skeleton on the table] That's why I've decided to quit the restaurant business altogether, and turn the Chum Bucket into... [pulls out a box of knick knacks] this! [Mr Krabs walking into the Chumporium. Plankton is dusting off his knickknacks] Plankton: Ah. A clean snow globe is a happy snow globe. [laughs] Mr. Krabs: Plankton! You may have fooled everyone else, you might have even fooled yourself, but you ain't fooling me. Plankton: Oh, I get it. You caught me red-handed. [laughs then sighs] Those were the days, huh, Eugene? Mr. Krabs: Grr... Plankton: But I found there more to life than just trying to steal your formula. And I found it all right here in novelty items. Mr. Krabs: Bubkes. Plankton: Ah, Eugene. Stuck in your old ways. Mr. Krabs: Bubkes! If there's one thing certain in this world, it's that you can't resist me formula. [takes out the formula] You know you want it. Plankton: Thanks...but no. Mr. Krabs: A-ha, I knew it. [chuckles] It was all a trick to get me to hand over...Wait, did you say no? Plankton: Well, if you don't believe me, that's your problem not mine. Mr. Krabs: Problem?! I don't have a problem! You're the one with the problem! Look at this. It means nothing. It's all a facade, a hoax, a con, a front... [throws a shelf down; Plankton gasps] ...A sham, a snow job... [throwing the snow globes onto the ground and breaking them] ...Bologna with a side of flimflam and an order of Jive! [smashes the lava lamps with the baseball bat] See?! Who's the one with the problem?! Plankton: Look what you've done. This is my livelihood. Mr. Krabs: Sure it is. And this isn't the formula that you don't want. Come on, eh? Eh? Oop, too slow. [chuckles tauntingly] Plankton: [lividly bellowing] Get out! Mr. Krabs: [gasps] Oh, I get it. Stick to your guns, and eventually we'll all believe it. Soften us up and when our backs are turned, you'll make your move. [drops the formula] Oops. [walks out of the Chumporium] Plankton: What's this? [groans] Hey, Krabs! Mr. Krabs: I knew you'd come back. Plankton: You forgot something. [throws the formula back at Mr. Krabs] Can't you understand I've wasted so much time chasing after you? And now I have something that's mine. And it makes me happy. [walks back into the Chumporium] Mr. Krabs: [realizing that Plankton was telling the truth] I never thought I'd see the day. What happened to the invertebrate I used to know? [becoming upset] Plankton? [cries loudly, he runs across the road and falls down crying some more] Once Bitten [4.13b] SpongeBob: [to Gary] All those people think you're a monster. But I know you're just a snail. [SpongeBob pets Gary, who suddenly meows and snarls savagely and bites SpongeBob's arm, causing everyone to gasp.] SpongeBob: [in tears] Gary... how could you?! [Gary meows ferociously] Harold: SpongeBob's been infected by his own pet snail. Oh, the irony! Quick, we must quarantine that infected snail before he bites every last Bikini Bottomite. Let's get the snail! Bikini Bottomites: YEAH! [An angry mob forms and everyone takes out jellyfish nets and torches. SpongeBob gasps.] SpongeBob: No! Don't hurt him! Harold: Hand over the snail! Mr. Krabs: It's for his own good, SpongeBob. SpongeBob: No! I won't let you touch Gary! Harold: Stop the madness, man! The mad snail disease ends now. SEIZE THE SNAIL! Episode 14 Bummer Vacation [4.14a] Patrick: [cleaning out ear wax to the mirror] I didn't even know I had an ear. Huh? [notices water splashing from the toilet behind him] Hey, I just cleaned that one! [scene cuts to Patrick running down the street to his rock] Patrick: Working at the Krusty Krab. Making Krabby Patties all day. Flipping Krusty Krab working patties krab... uhh, that's a hard song to remember. [opens his rock and jumps in] Huh? SpongeBob: [sitting in the corner of Patrick's rock] Who do they think they are? I gave the best years of my life to this place and they think they can just fire me like that? Like trash? I don't think so! Patrick: SpongeBob? Is that you? SpongeBob: [turns around with a demented smile on his face] I've been waiting for you, Patrick! [walks towards Patrick, growling] Patrick: SpongeBob, you're scaring me. [yells] [SpongeBob laughs maniacally and closes in around Patrick] Wigstruck [4.14b] [scene cuts to Bigshot Records] Record Producer: Well, well, well, Ned and the Needlefish. You're fired. Band: Fired?! Band Member #2: But why? Record Producer: Ask Baldy McBalderson over here. Band: Ned! Band Member #2: Good going, dude. Ned: I can't help not having hair! Band Member #3: When we formed this band, it was for one reason and one reason only: to make a lot of money. And you not having hair is getting in the way of that! Record Producer: We are selling records, not denture cream! [talking to Ned] Either you come back with hair, or don't come back at all! Episode 15 Squidtastic Voyage [4.15a] [SpongeBob takes a remote with a red Button with a label that reads, "open." He presses the button. The door to the sub opens.] SpongeBob and Patrick: Ooh! [They both salute] SpongeBob: SpongeBob and Patrick reporting for guard duty. [they both laugh and jump inside. Patrick stars pressing buttons and SpongeBob pretends to be piloting the sub] Patrick: Hmm. [he finds a yellow button with a label that reads "Shrink"] "Shrink." I do have a lot of issues. [presses the button and a warning light starts] SpongeBob and Patrick: Pretty. [The subm shrinks a little, squishing SpongeBob and Patrick against the windshield. Sandy enters the room.] Sandy: I'm back, SpongeBob. [she drops box of nuts] Uh-oh. [SpongeBob shrinks and Patrick laughs while grabbing SpongeBob.] Patrick: You're so tiny. [he shrinks even smaller than SpongeBob; screams] A giant SpongeBob! [The two shrink until they appear to look like dots. The sub shrinks completely. A robot hand grabs the sub. Sandy leans in.] Sandy: Patrick! SpongeBob! Patrick: Aah! Sandy's grown to gigantic size! SpongeBob: I don't think Sandy grew, Patrick. I think we shrunk. Patrick: [stupidly] That's silly. Don't you think it's more likely that the entire world grew? Sandy: [over the speaker] Good work, guys. Mission accomplished. Now all you have to do is... Squidward: [pushes Sandy out of the way] Get out of my body! Go! Patrick: Grow? [presses the grow button. The alarm starts up] [The scene becomes a split screen. The left has Sandy, the Middle has Squidward, and the right has SpongeBob] Sandy, Squidward, and SpongeBob: [alarmed] No! That's No Lady [4.15b] [Scene opens to Patrick running around and giggling in the street] Business fish: Hey! [Patrick looks around confused] Hey, you there! Patrick: Who, me? Business fish: Yes, you! GET OUTTA TOWN!!! [Patrick, shocked, runs away screaming; the business fish stands confused before another fish comes by] Business fish: Get outta town...! And take a vacation to beautiful Sunny Seashores Resort! Here ya go, sir. [shows a flier for a vacation] SpongeBob: But, Patrick, you can't go! Not like this! Who will go with me to the next jellyfisherman's expo?! [shows a picture of the two at one of the exposes] Patrick: It'll have to be one of your other chums 'cause my mind is set. [He and SpongeBob cry together] SpongeBob: OH, UNSET IT, PLEASE UNSET IT!!! [they cry even more. Patrick walks over to SpongeBob's kitchen with suitcase on it starts packing] Patrick: I guess I'll pack up my stuff and get ready to go. [puts two pairs of SpongeBob's pants into the suitcase] My... clothes. SpongeBob: Umm, Patrick, those are my clothes. Patrick: [packs up a bunch of peanut butter] My peanut butter! SpongeBob: That's my peanut butter. Patrick: AND MY PICKLES!!! [stuffs a bunch of pickles into the suitcase and closes it, then falls on top of it sobbing] SpongeBob: I can't believe you're leaving, Patrick, WITH ALL MY PICKLES!!! [crying] Patrick: [heading for the door with the suitcase] It's the end of me being here. SpongeBob: Wait, stop! What about all our plans?! 8:00am - Wake up Patrick, 9:00am - Eat kelpo with Patrick, 10:00am - Brush teeth with Patrick, 1:00pm - Stare at Patrick! Who's gonna do all that with me?! Patrick: I'm sorry, there's no stopping the unstoppable. Patrick Star will live no more, forever... in Bikini Bottom. SpongeBob: [gets an idea] But... what if you weren't Patrick Star? Patrick: Oh, no. I'm not Patrick Star!? SpongeBob: You are Patrick Star, but you won't be for long. Patrick: Huh? Business fish: Say, don't I know you from somewhere? Patrick: NO! Business fish: Hmmm... that's it! Get outta town! Patrick: He's onto us! SpongeBob: I won't let you do it! You'll have to do something horrible to me before I let you throw Patrick out of town! Squidward and Mr. Krabs: "Patrick"?! Business fish: You forgot your flyer. [hands them one of his flyers] SpongeBob: [reading flyer] "GET OUTTA TOWN! ...To beautiful Sunny Shore Resorts!" Look! This guy wasn't trying to run you out of town, he just wanted to sell you a luxury vacation at a modest price! Patrick: Well, I guess I don't need this disguise anymore. [Rips off his disguise while everyone else is shocked] Squidward: Umm, I think I need to take a shower. Mr. Krabs: So, let me get this straight, uh, you're not a woman? Patrick: No. Mr. Krabs: Well then, you're fired. Uhh, if anybody needs me, I'll be in my office for, I dunno, the next 20 years or so. Episode 16 The Thing [4.16a] SpongeBob: Good evening, Squidward! Squidward: Not so fast! You two little monsters aren't about to ruin my evening! SpongeBob: Oh, we're not here to ruin it, we're here to enhance it! Isn't that right, Pat? Patrick: Yeah, we're here-- Squidward: [slams the door] Can't a hard working squid get a little TV time alone? [SpongeBob and Patrick are suddenly on the couch with him] SpongeBob?! Patrick?! Oh, what's the point? [While watching the Kelpy G show...] Patrick: Could you turn it up? SpongeBob: Uh, Squidward, could you turn it down a little? Patrick: Squidward, what's this about? SpongeBob: Squidward, how come he's so emotional? Patrick: Is he the bad guy? SpongeBob: Squidward? Patrick: Squidward? SpongeBob: Squidward? Patrick: Squidward? SpongeBob: Squidward? Patrick: Squidward? SpongeBob: Squidward? Squidward: THAT'S IT!!! All I wanted to do was watch some smooth jazz on public television, but apparently, that's not going to happen! Once again, I'm going to have to leave my own home, just to get some peace and quiet! Enjoy my TV! [scoffs; he exits, leaving SpongeBob and Patrick alone as if they don't know what happened] Patrick: Oh wait, I think I've seen this before! This part's funny! SpongeBob: Well, Smelly, here you are. Your new home. Oh, Smelly, this is going to be great. We'll be one big happy family. Let me show you around. Here's your bed, Smelly. [muffled whimpering from Smelly, who is actually Squidward covering himself with cement dirt by accident] Here's your food bowl. Patrick: And some kibble. [pours in some food] SpongeBob: You can live here forever and ever! [Squidward cries] Oh, look, Pat! He's crying tears of joy! Well, Smelly, there's one more family member you haven't met. [retrieves Gary] Smelly, meet Gary. [Gary sticks to Squidward] Aww, look at that Smelly, Gary likes you. [Gary screeches like a cat, as he recognized Squidward under the cement, and attacks him violently] Gary, no! [gets Gary off of Squidward] Gary! [Gary hisses] Patrick: I don't think Gary likes Smelly. SpongeBob: Yeah, Gary's never attacked anyone like that, except Squidward. [Ironically, Smelly is Squidward] SpongeBob: I guess Smelly can't live here. Patrick: Ah! He can come home with me. SpongeBob: That's a great idea, Patrick! You always wanted a pet. [Squidward tries to escape through the door but keeps falling down] Isn't that cute? Look how excited he is to get to your house! [opens door] Bye, Smelly, have fun at Patrick's! [Squidward tries to get into his house but Patrick pulls him away] Patrick: No, no, Smelly. Squidward doesn't like pets. Patrick: [sniffs] I'm going to miss him, SpongeBob. SpongeBob: Me too, buddy, me too. But he's with his kind now, where he belongs. And on that note, let us go back to where we belong. Hocus Pocus [4.16b] Patrick: Hi, SpongeBob, whatcha doing? SpongeBob: I have turned poor Squidward into a frozen dessert! Patrick: That's awful, how tragic, poor Squidward. SpongeBob: This is all my fault! Patrick: Did you say frozen dessert? [takes the white ice cream cone out of the freezer] SpongeBob: Yeah, I turned him into a tasty soft-serve with a waffle cone. [cries] Patrick: Oh, soft serve. [licks ice cream cone] SpongeBob: PATRICK! STOP EATING SQUIDWARD! Patrick: Oh, sorry. [licks it a few more times] SpongeBob: Patrick! [Patrick licks it again] Pat...! Patrick: [frantically] But he's so tasty! Episode 17 Driven to Tears [4.17a] French Narrator: It is a very special day in Bikini Bottom. [Screen moves from Bikini Bottom Island to Boating School] SpongeBob: I'm ready! [walking up to Mrs. Puff's Boating School with Patrick] I'm ready! I'm ready! Patrick, did you bring my flashcards? Patrick: Right here, buddy. [takes them out of his pocket] Everything you need to pass the test is on these cards. [eats the cards] Mmm. SpongeBob: No, Patrick! Patrick: Hey, learning tastes good. SpongeBob: Patrick, I needed those. Patrick: Oh, fiddlesticks. You've taken that driving test more times than anyone. SpongeBob: 57 times. Patrick: Well then, 58 is your lucky number. You're gonna pass that driving test, SpongeBob, because you're a winner. SpongeBob: I'm a winner? Patrick: Who's a winner? SpongeBob: [sadly] I'm a winner. Patrick: Who's a winner? SpongeBob: [cheered up a little] I'm a winner. Patrick: Who's a winner?! SpongeBob: I'm a winner! I'm a winner! I'm a winner! [runs into the classroom] French Narrator: 1 minute, 37 seconds later... [SpongeBob walks up crying] Patrick: How'd you do, winner? [SpongeBob's crying continues] Let's see that license. SpongeBob: I didn't get a license, Patrick. Patrick: Are they gonna mail it to ya? SpongeBob: No, Patrick, I failed the boating test. I guess 58 wasn't my lucky number after all. Patrick: No way! 58 is, like, the luckiest number ever! The test must be rigged. Announcer: Congratulations! You are the one millionth person to pass the test. Patrick: Does this mean I win a free keychain? Fish: Uhh, no. Patrick: Oh. Fish: You get a brand-new boat mobile! The new Bass Blaster 3000. The ultimate boating machine. [Patrick runs up to the new boatmobile as SpongeBob's jaw drops] Patrick: Yeah! All right! Fish: Women will want you. [all sigh] Men will want to be you. [all faint] You'll be the envy of your friends. [SpongeBob is growling in fury] Patrick: Isn't this great? I got my license, and a new boat! SpongeBob: I'm... so... happy for you... ["La Cucaracha" horn blows in his face] Whoa! Patrick: The horn works. SpongeBob: [Patrick is driving with SpongeBob when suddenly the green light turns red] It's a red light, Patrick! [Patrick runs through red lights] Patrick, you just ran three red lights! Patrick: So? SpongeBob: You're suppose to stop! Patrick: [shows his license] I think the driving genius knows what he's doing. SpongeBob: [finally snaps] Driving genius?! Would a genius make an illegal U-turn... through an orphanage?! Patrick: They ran for it in time. What are you so mad about? SpongeBob: I should've gotten that license! And this should be MY boat mobile! Patrick: How can you say that?! If you were my friend, you'd be happy for me getting my license! SpongeBob: If you were my friend, you wouldn't rub your license in my face! Patrick: I'm not rubbing my license in your face! This is rubbing my license in your face! [takes out license and rubs it in SpongeBob's face--literally--which makes muffled noises] SpongeBob: [fixes his face and then takes Patrick's license from his hand] Oh, give me that! I worked my whole life for this! You don't deserve this! [tears up Patrick's license and laughs. The pieces of the license fly into the cop's hands] Officer: Huh, litterbugs. This is why I joined the force. [drives off after SpongeBob and Patrick] SpongeBob and Patrick: It's the police! Officer: [over speaker] Pull it over, litterbug! Patrick: Litterbug?! No! [drives faster] Officer: Ooh, I got me a runner. [a bunch of police cars follow him] SpongeBob: Patrick, what do you think you're doing?! Patrick: I don't know! I don't have a license anymore! [drives around a car] SpongeBob: Look out! [Patrick drives through a sign, then off a cliff into the front lot of the Bikini Bottom Jail] [After SpongeBob's 90 day sentence, the scene shows the jail as the door buzzes. SpongeBob is let go out of jail where Patrick is waiting for him at the front gate; the camera cuts back and fourth between the two silently staring at each other smiling for about 10 seconds as an orchestra swells dramatically] SpongeBob: Patrick! Patrick: SpongeBob! [both hug] SpongeBob: I'm glad you passed the test. I'm glad you have a license. And to prove it, I made you this: Pals 4 Ever. [shows him a license plate that reads "PALS 4 EVER"] Let's put it on your boat mobile, buddy. Patrick: Oh, I don't have the boat mobile anymore. SpongeBob: What? Patrick: It stopped workin' so I threw it away. The needle was on E, and I figured that must mean "end." SpongeBob: Oh, then... what do we do with this? [Patrick takes it and puts it on his behind] Patrick: How's that? SpongeBob: Yeah! Patrick: Ready, buddy? SpongeBob: Ready, pal. [hops on Patrick's shoulders and makes car noises] Woo! Woo! Rule of Dumb [4.17b] [Cut to Krusty Krab where SpongeBob enters with medieval clothes on] SpongeBob: Good townspeople, let us rejoice in welcoming our new king. Patrick: [enters, wearing his crown and a royal cloak] King needs food badly. Mr. Krabs: What's this all ab...? [gasps. Sees Patrick's crown and dollar signs appear in his eyes] Well, well, well. What can I do for you, Patrick? SpongeBob: The king would like... Mr. Krabs: Zip it, SquarePants...I'm talking to the rich guy. Patrick: I'll have ten Krabby Patties, a Krabby milkshake, large fries... Mr. Krabs: I've got a better idea. SpongeBob: Patrick, what's happened to you? Patrick: I don't know what you mean. SpongeBob: Uh... [laughs] You know, Mr. Krabs is probably wondering where I am...and... Patrick: And what... SpongeBob: [intimidated of Patrick's rage] And, um, well...it's just that, um, you're kinda being a jerk. Patrick: Huh? [laughs] I thought you were going to say I was abusing my power. SpongeBob: Uh... well, I... Patrick: [explodes] Who's saying I'm abusing my power?! [SpongeBob shrinks and Patrick rips off his cloak] I'll put the whole town in prison! [SpongeBob runs away] Questioning my authority is treason! All these giggly speeches are making me thirsty. SpongeBob, I request a drink. SpongeBob? [claps twice] SpongeBob?! Huh. Gee, everybody's gone. I'm all alone. Fine, I'll get it myself! [walks by the mirror, and his reflection looks like a monster] Mirror: Knock knock. Patrick: Huh? [gasps] A knock knock joke! [he runs back to the mirror] Who's there? Mirror: You. Patrick and Mirror: I don't get it. Mirror: I'm you and you are me. [a wire in Patrick's head connects and short circuits] Patrick and Mirror: [screams] What have I become?! [Patrick races out of his rock] Patrick: Aaah, help! Monster! Monster! [he bumps into the Royal Ministry starfish] Huh? Oh, it's, it's you! [he thrusts the crown at the starfish] Here, here, take it. I don't want it anymore. It's turned me into a monster. Royal Ministry Starfish: Oh, I think I know what's going on here. Patrick, with great power comes great responsibility. [Patrick is shaking and whimpering] You haven't a clue what I just told you, do you? Patrick: No. Uh-uh. Royal Ministry Starfish: Oh, just as well. I've come to take the crown back, as it seems that you aren't royalty after all. Patrick: Huh? Royal Ministry Starfish: [takes out family history] I've discovered this coffee stain, which upon removal, reveals that Sir Gary is the true heir to the king's crown. [he removes the stain to show Gary's picture on the family history parchment. Bubble transition to Gary having a crown put on his head, SpongeBob and Patrick dressed in medieval clothes] SpongeBob: Well, would you look at that. Gary, you're royalty! Gary: [smiles] Meow? Episode 18 Born to be Wild [4.18a] SpongeBob: Bloodthirsty bikers? And they're headed straight for Bikini Bottom! I've got to warn everybody! I better take the shortcut! [SpongeBob rides on the bubble transition to inside the Krusty Krab.] SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! Where in the blue barnacles did you come from? SpongeBob: There's no time for that, Mr. Krabs. Grab something heavy! Bar the door! Board up the windows. We've got to protect the Krusty Krab. The Krabby Patties must survive! Mr. Krabs: Settle down, son. What are you all riled up about? SpongeBob: Bikers... coming... nasty... ferocious... take... over... town. Destroy... must hide! Mr. Krabs: What are you going on about? Bikers? SpongeBob: The Wild Ones are coming, Mr. Krabs. They're the most vicious, ravenous horde of hooligans in the sea. Mr. Krabs: Ravenous did you say? That's another word for hungry, isn't it? Best Frenemies [4.18b] [scene cuts to the laboratory of the Chum Bucket with Kelpshake on a plate where a sample of the drink goes through a tube, into chemistry bottles, and finally into Karen where she begins a D-N-A scan] Plankton: What's the secret ingredient, Karen? Karen: Well, it appears that the main ingredient is: Kelp Juice. Plankton & Mr. Krabs: Just kelp juice? Mr. Krabs: And to think this whole time I could've been selling these meself! Plankton: You? What about me? If anyone, I deserve to make a buck of selling this stuff. Mr. Krabs: [removes the glass container and takes kelp juice] No way, pipsqueak. This gold mine is mine. Plankton: Not if I can help it. [jumps at Mr. Krabs, but goes between his eyes and splatters into the wall] Ow. Mr. Krabs: [cackling] Nice try. [about to take a sip] Karen: I wouldn't do that if I were you; There's another ingredient. Mr. Krabs: Hey, I paid good money for this thing! Of course I'm gonna drink it. [takes a sip then spits it out] What the...?! I don't get what the big deal is. This tastes like a wet gym sock. Plankton: Really? Let me try that. [Plankton sips the drink and puckers his lips] Actually, there is a bit of a pungent aftertaste. Mr. Krabs: Hmmm. [sips again and puckers his lips] Hey, you're right. This ain't half bad. [takes another sip and laughs] This is amazing. Plankton: Well, don't be selfish. [sips and laughs] Oh yeah. Karen: Oh no... Plankton: [he sips in the rest of the drink until he sucks in the cup] Krabs, we're all out of juice! Mr. Krabs: Well, we gotta get more! Karen: You're making a big mistake! Mr. Krabs: Ah, phooey! You don't know what you're talking about! [he walks out with Plankton] ♪Kelpshake, Kelpshake. Oh, how I love a Kelpshake.♪ SpongeBob: [runs up crying covered in yellowish-green fur] What's happening to me?! [Mr. Krabs and Plankton gasp in shock when they see SpongeBob covered in green kelp and he's naked] They've shut down the Kelpshakes restaurants! [nearly crying as he runs off] Plankton & Mr. Krabs: Huh? [they both see workers sucking out all the liquid which is toxic waste in the Kelpshake restaurant that says "CLOSED FOREVER"] Hazmat #1: It'll take decades to clean this hazardous material up. Hazmat #2: I sure feel sorry for whoever drank this. [Mr. Krabs screams as he is growing yellowish-green kelp fur just like Plankton is, then Plankton screams] Plankton: Look at us! Mr. Krabs: Now what are we going to do? Plankton: I don't know about you... [Plankton takes out a mini helicopter propeller] but I'm going back to what I do best. Stealing your recipe! [laughs] Mr. Krabs: Hey, wait a minute! Plankton! Plankton: [flies into Mr. Krabs office where the safe is. He tosses the propeller and laughs] Come to papa. [Mr. Krabs opens the door] Mr. Krabs: Hold it right there! You're not going anywhere... [opens the safe] without a ten second head start! Plankton: It's good to be home! Mr. Krabs: You said it. Plankton: [laughing while he runs off as Mr. Krabs begins to chase him while having fun] I love being hated! Mr. Krabs: Hey, get back here you little booger! [laughs] Episode 19 The Pink Purloiner [4.19a] SpongeBob: Oh, that reminds me. I got you a present. Patrick: A present? What is it? SpongeBob: [pulls out a bear with a microphone in its hand.] It's a Confess-A-Bear. He's a special friend you tell all your secrets to. Patrick: Wow, thanks, SpongeBob! SpongeBob: I'll just leave you two alone to get acquainted. [He leaves and walks behind the pineapple to talk through the microphone] SpongeBob/Confess-A-Bear: Hi! My name is Confess-A-Bear! Tell me all your secrets! Patrick: Um... I did something recently I'm not very proud of. I didn't mean to do it. It just sort of happened. SpongeBob / Confess-A-Bear: Oh, maybe you should talk about it! Patrick: Well, it involves my best friend SpongeBob. I don't think he knows what happened, but it would really upset him if he found out. SpongeBob / Confess-A-Bear: TELL CONFESS-A-BEAR!!! Patrick: I've said too much already. SpongeBob / Confess-a-Bear: TELL CONFESS-A-BEAR NOW!!! NOW!!!!! Patrick: AAAGH!!!! I ACCIDENTALLY KNOCKED SPONGEBOB'S TOOTHBRUSH IN THE TOILET, AND THEN I PUT IT BACK ON THE COUNTER WITHOUT WASHING IT!!!!! ...Confess-A-Bear? [Suddenly, SpongeBob appears in the background, running and yelling as he tries to rid his tongue of bacteria] Patrick: You're mad at me, aren't you, Confess-A-Bear? SpongeBob: Patrick wouldn't steal Ol' Reliable... Would he? [imagines Patrick from earlier] Patrick: I would kill for a net like that! [takes out a carrot, breaks it in half, and laughs maniacally] SpongeBob: Aah! Have I been best friends with a master thief? I must know for sure. Patrick: SpongeBob! Oh, thank goodness you're here. There was this scary guy with a mustache asking a lot of weird questions. SpongeBob: Patrick, I'm the scary mustache guy! Patrick: Aah! Why, SpongeBob, why?! Why would you wear such a scary mustache? SpongeBob: Why did you steal my jellyfishing net?! Patrick: [offended] WHAT?! I'm your best friend! SpongeBob: You were my best friend, you no-good jellyfish net thief! Patrick: How could you think that?! SpongeBob: Because you said that! You said that it was "YOUR FRIEND SPONGEBOB'S!!!" Patrick: [pauses, takes out the case] ...gift. SpongeBob: [confused] What? Patrick: It's my friend SpongeBob's GIFT! [opens the case revealing a handmade net] I made you a new net. SpongeBob: "For SpongeBob"? You made me a new jellyfishing net? That is so thoughtful of you! Patrick? What'cha doing, best friend? Patrick: I'm not your best friend, I'm a no-good jelly netting thief fish! SpongeBob: Where are you going? Patrick: I'm leaving Bikini Bottom, while I still have my dignity! Squid Wood [4.19b] SpongeBob: How about Duck, Duck, Hermit Krab? Hopscotch? Squidward Says? Steal The Bacon? Sleeping Sea Lions? Sharks and Minnows? Sink the Submarine? Kings and Queens? Mahjong? [Squidward is beginning to fume so he picks him up and shakes him] Whoa, I've never played this game before. What's it called? Squidward: It's called, "I will never play with you EVER!" [throws SpongeBob in a hole and moves the refrigerator over it] Mini Squidward: Everybody dance! [continues dancing in the air, and everyone follows. The music stops, SpongeBob spins him into a spotlight, and he takes a bow] Squidward: That was awful! [confetti rains down as they all cheer for Mini Squidward and walk away] He stole my jokes, he stole my job, he stole my standing ovation!!! [points to Mini Squidward] YOU LITTLE WOODEN FIEND!! STOP STEALING MY LIFE!!!!!! [repeatedly punches, stomps on, and chomps on Mini Squidward all while SpongeBob is still holding onto him, who falls on the ground] Milo J. Finkerfish: [shows up, stopping Squidward] Stop, stop! Don't gnaw on the head of my new client, please!! You don't know what you're doing! ARE YOU MAD!??!!??! HAVE MERCY!!!! Episode 20 Best Day Ever [4.20a] [The episode starts at night as the camera focuses on the trio of houses on Conch Street while zooming in on SpongeBob's house while the song "The Best Day Ever" starts to play. Inside, he is asleep. The sun quickly rises outside, turning night into day, and SpongeBob awakens as well.] SpongeBob: [gasps] A reserved seat? Next to my friends? I made it! All I have to do is sit down and... [Just as he sits down, everyone applauds as the curtains close, marking the end of the show, and SpongeBob completely loses it.] SpongeBob: [Yells in frustration shaking his fists up making a rumbling sound as everyone looks at him in confusion] No! [jumps on stage and tears the curtain] No! It is not over! Everyone: Huh? SpongeBob: This was supposed to be my perfect day. But then everything... [a fish gets up and starts to leave, but SpongeBob stops him as he screams] Sit down! [the fish does so] Then everything turned to doo-doo. Mr. Krabs: [he, Patrick and Sandy go upstage with him] It's okay, SpongeBob. SpongeBob: NO, IT'S NOT OKAY! [his yelling makes Mr. Krabs and Patrick flinch] This was gonna be my best day ever, starting with doing the best job in the world, working at the Krusty Krab! Mr. Krabs: Boy, you saved me barnacle the way you put the run on them nematodes! SpongeBob: [sniffles] Yeah, I guess so. But then I was gonna do karate with Sandy! Sandy: I know, but you saved the treedome! Pretty cool, if you ask me. SpongeBob: Well, I suppose. But then I was gonna go jellyfishing with Patrick! Patrick: But then you... Uh, what'd you do again? Squidward: And, I hate to admit it, but I suppose if you hadn't fixed my reed, the concert would have been a bust. Mr. Krabs: You see, SpongeBob, it's not about you or your perfect day or any of those things. SpongeBob: It's not? Mr. Krabs: No. [chuckles] It's about us!SpongeBob: It is? Mr. Krabs: Yep. And since you did such a good job, we wanna make it up to you. SpongeBob: You do? Mr. Krabs: So, just tell us anything your little heart desires, and it's yours. Squidward: How long do we have to keep this up? Mr. Krabs: Just till his little heart gives out, Squidward. Just till his little heart gives out. The Gift of Gum [4.20b] Robo 2.1: Greetings. I am Robo 2.1, your personal robot servant. I am proficient in providing over 250,000 creature comforts. Would you care for a pastry? [shoots a pastry into Patrick's mouth]'' Patrick: Yum. Sweet, hot, and juicy. SpongeBob, this is a great gift. Cast Tom Kenny as SpongeBob, Medic, Narrator, Captain, Iron Eye, Clam, Fish Guy #1, Gary, Construction Fish #1, Skill Crane, Car Fish, Security System, Tank Fish, Howard Blandy, Museum Tape Operator, Robotic Voice, Electronic British Voice, King, Leech, Man Peasant, Chum-bot, Kelp-thing, Pearl Puller, Old Head, Male Fish #2, Skeleton Fish, Fish #1, Student Fish #1, Mailman, Salesman, Ghost, Radio DJ, Fish #1, The Tickler, Thug #1, Spat, Salesman, Fish #41, Male Fish #2, Male Fish #5, Customer, Band Member #2, Fish #3, Record Executive, Jellyfish, Dad SquarePants, Old Fish, Security Alarm, Cashier, Talent Agent, Male Fish #2, Robo Rodger Bumpass as Squidward, Naval Buddy #1, Administrator, Juror Man #1, Construction Fish #2, Paramedic #2, Squidly, Man Peasant, SpongeBob Doppelganger, Audience Member, Doctor, Audience Fish #3, Mrs. Tentacles, Peanut, Bus Driver, Customer, Salesman, Fish #2, Deliery Fish, Filthy Phil, Customer #1, Therapist, Salesman, Fish #2, Delivery Fish, Band Member #3, Fish #4, Leprechaun, Kelpy G, Mr. Magic, Delivery Fish, Prospector, Customer #1, Hazmat #1, Male Fish #2, Stuck Fish Mr. Brown as Mr. Krabs, Courtroom Fish, King Krabs, Dungeon Master, Car Salesman, Customer #2, Male Fish #8, Usher, Movie Patron, Fish #1, Construction Worker Doug Lawrence as Plankton, Fish #4, Planktonamor, Narrator, Shady Shoals Resident, Larry the Lobster, Ralph, Motorcycle Ghost, Man Fish, Announcer, Male Fish #3, Car Washer, Dad, Fish #1, News Fish Jill Talley as Karen, Girl Fish, Nurse, Fish Gal #1, Judge, Juror Man #2, Customer, Tammy, Woman Fish, Old Woman, Mother, Woman Patron, Queen, Audience Member, Woman Peasant, Female Fan, Teacher, Nurse, Judy, Clerk, Female Voice #1, Female Voice #2, Fish #2, Fish #5, Fish #8, Little Girl Fish, Mom Fish, Soap Actress, Girl Employee #2 Mr. Fite as Fish, Old Man, Patty, Fish #3, Bailiff, Male Fish #1, Male Fish #3, Audience Fish #1, Clam #1, Fish #5, Fish #7 William 'Bill' Fagerbakke as Frat Fish #2, Patrick, Fish #1, Hunchback, Bingo Announcer, Male Voice, Old Man, Manly Voice, Male Fish #4, Fish #6, Fish #7, Patricia, Fish #6, Geezer #2, Male Fish #3 Tom Wilson as Mutton Chop Dee Bradley Baker as Frat Fish #1, Lock Jaw, Torpedo Belly, Doctor #2, Cop, Guard Worm, Fish #2, Richard A. Bottomfeeder, Jury Foreman, Snail #1, Snail #3, Gary's Stomach, Fish #2, Salesman, Kid Fish, Construction Fish #3, Fish #1, Fish #2, Angry Resident, Accountant, Computer, Paramedic #1, Bystander, Doctor, Seahorse, Attendant, Knight, Squire, Guard, Fish #1, Bikini Bottom Citizen, Funeral Fish #1, Fan Club President, Mermaid Man Actor, Slate Operator, Timmy, Therapist, Alien #1, Gunther Fitz, Student Fish #2, Seahorse, Billy Fishkin, Cook, Doctor, Villain, Le Spatula, Telephone Fish, Shoe Fish, Perch Perkins, Ned, Band Member #1, Fish #1, Salesman, Fish #1, Mr. Seaweed, Officer, Clam, Sarge, Announcer, Charlie, Kid, Announcer, Cop, Judge, Soap Actor, Fish #68, Nerdy Fish, Fish #1, Fish #3, Geezer #1, Watch Dog, Customer #2, Hazmat #2, Reporter, Driver, Usher Sirena Irwin as Woman, Mama Krabs, Alien Fish #2, Audience Fish #2, Lady Fish, Girl Fish, Old Lady, Girl Fish #2, Customer Lady, Wife Fish, Lipp, Woman, Grandma, Mom Fish, Woman Fish, Actress, Woman #1, Mom, Old Lady Fish, Mom SquarePants, Girl Fish, Girl Employee #1, Girl Employee #3, Female Fish Lori A. as Female Fish, Pearl, Kid, Female Fish #1, Female Fish #2 Carol L. as Sandy, Ms. Jenkins M.J Catlett as Mrs. Puff Lost? SpongeBob SquarePants (season 4) Category:SpongeBob SquarePants Category:SpongeBob SquarePants seasons