Arthur Guiterman

thumb|Great Caesar's bust is on the shelf,And I don't feel so well myself! Arthur Guiterman (20 November 1871 – 11 January 1943) was an American writer best known for his humorous poems. Quotes Amœbas at the start  Were not complex;They tore themselves apart,  And started Sex. "Sex", st. 1, in The Nation (May 4, 1921) p. 666 'Tis Sex that rules the lives  Of clowns and kings;It gives us books and wives  And other things—Ambition, love and strife  And all the illsAnd ecstacies of life,  And Freuds and Brills. "Sex", sts. 5–6, in The Nation (May 4, 1921) p. 666 They earned a name that lives in song,  Those woodsmen stout and pluckyWhose hair and rifles both were long—  The Hunters of Kentucky. "The Tall Men", in The Saturday Evening Post (May 24, 1924) pp. 7–8 The Fawns don't dine  When a Wolf's about,And the Porcupine  Puts his quill points out. "Safety First", st. 1, in The Saturday Evening Post (May 2, 1925) p. 148 Variations: "Deer" not "Fawns" · "Sticks" not "Puts" Of all cold words of tongue or penThe worst are these: "I knew him when ——" "Prophets in Their Own Country", in The Saturday Evening Post (November 5, 1927) p. 198 The tusks which clashed in mighty brawlsOf mastodons, are billiard balls.The sword of Charlemagne the JustIs Ferric Oxide, known as rust.The grizzly bear, whose potent hugWas feared by all, is now a rug.Great Caesar's bust is on the shelf,And I don't feel so well myself! "On the Vanity of Earthly Greatness", in The New Yorker (March 22, 1930) p. 28 The Laughing Muse (1915) New York: Harper & Bros. The Antiseptic Baby and the Prophylactic PupWere playing in the garden when the Bunny gamboled up;They looked upon the Creature with a loathing undisguised;—It wasn't Disinfected and it wasn't Sterilized. "Strictly Germ-Proof", st. 1 The Prophet's Cam-u-el, that primal Desert Ship. "The Legend of the First Cam-u-el", st. 7 The Pilgrims landed, worthy men,  And, saved from wreck on raging seas,They fell upon their knees, and then  Upon the Aborigines. "The Pilgrims' Thanksgiving Feast", st. 1 Compare: William M. Evarts Commute with me, my Love, and be merry;  How vain in the City to dwellWhen apple-trees blow in Dobbs' Ferry  And lilacs adorn New Rochelle!White Plains is the Garden of Allah  And Pelham's the Pearl of the Sea;There's bliss in the name of Valhalla—   Oh, fly to the Suburbs with me! "The Passionate Suburbanite to His Love" Also in Life (July 11, 1912) p. 1,389 Compare: Marlowe, "The Passionate Shepherd to His Love" It's lovely having grass and trees and flowers  (Of course, at times, mosquitoes are a pest).Yes, life is life out here in Rangely Towers  (Of course Some People like the city best)! "Our Suburb", l. 17 The Cat on your hearthstone to this day presages,By solemnly sneezing, the coming of rain! "The First Cat", st. 7 Oh, the saddest of sights in a world of sinIs a little lost pup with his tail tucked in! "Little Lost Pup", st. 1 The Mirthful Lyre (1918) New York: Harper & Bros. Hail Guest! We ask not what thou art:If Friend, we greet thee, hand and heart;If Stranger, such no longer be;If Foe, our love shall conquer thee. "Old Welsh Door Verse" Bless the four corners of this house,  And be the lintel blest;And bless the hearth and bless the board  And bless each place of rest. "House Blessing" The Light Guitar (1923) New York: Harper & Bros. For Education is, Making Men;So is it now, so was it whenMark Hopkins sat on one end of a log  And James Garfield sat on the other. "Education", st. 3 Drab is the town as a shawl-hooded crone,And dreary and cold with a chill all its own.You ask them for bread and they give you a scone,  In Glasgow. The Lyric Baedeker: Glasgow", st. 2 Also in Life (September 22, 1921) p. 11 The finest thing in London is the Bobby;Benignant information is his hobby. "The Lyric Baedeker: London", st. 1 Also in Life (April 27, 1922) p. 1 Oh, who would choose to be a traveler?—That anxious railway-guide unravelerWho spends his nights in berths and bunks,His days in chaperoning trunks;Who stands in line at gates and wicketsTo spend his means on costly ticketsTo Irkutsk, Liverpool and YapAnd other dots upon the map. "The Traveller" Also in Life (June 8, 1922) p. 4 He stood with his muzzle thrust out through the doorThe whole forty days of that terrible pour!Because of which drenching, the Sages unfold,The Nose of a Healthy Dog always is Cold. "The Dog's Cold Nose", l. 13 The three-toed tree-toadSings his sweet ode  To the moon;The funny bunnyAnd his honey  Trip in tune. "Nocturne", l. 1 I breathed a song into the air;That little song of beauty rareIs flying still, for all I know,Around the world by Radio. "Radiolatry", Epilogue Death and General Putnam, and 101 Other Poems (1935) New York: E. P. Dutton & Co. Then up he rose, and forth they wentAway from battleground, fortress, tent,Mountain, wilderness, field and farm,Death and the General, arm in arm.  Death and General Putnam. "Death and General Putnam", st. 8 My sword is Strength, my spear is Song;  With these upon a stubborn fieldI challenge Falsehood, Fear and Wrong;  But Laughter is my shield. "Re-armed", st. 1 Gaily the Troubadour (1936) New York: E. P. Dutton & Co. Oh, the Brown Missouri Mule has a copper-plated throat,And the welkin splits apart when he hits an upper note. "Mule Song", st. 1 Also in The Saturday Evening Post (April 26, 1930) p. 30 Lightly we follow our cue,  Exit, pursued by a bear. "The Shakespearean Bear", Envoi Compare: The Winter's Tale, act 3, sc. 3 (stage direction) Thus have I sorrowed,  Learning to my costThat a book that's borrowed  Is a book that's lost! "Lament in a Library", st. 3 Also in The New York Times (June 28, 1930) p. 14, col. 7 (with "Much" not "Thus") External links Category:Poets from the United States Category:Jews Category:1943 deaths