Battlefield Earth

thumb|Man is an endangered species. Battlefield Earth (also referred to as Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000) is a 2000 American dystopian science fiction action film about an Earth that has been under the rule of the alien Psychlos for 1,000 years and tells the story of the rebellion that develops when the Psychlos attempt to use the surviving humans as gold miners. The film is considered one of the worst movies of all time. Directed by Roger Christian. Written by Corey Mandell and J. D. Shapiro, based on the first half of L. Ron Hubbard's 1982 novel of the same name. Prepare For Battle (taglines) Terl thumb|While you were still learning how to spell your name, I was being trained to conquer galaxies! thumb|You may not be wallowing in luxury on Psychlo, but at least you finally got your gold. While you were still learning how to spell your name, I was being trained to conquer galaxies! Crap-lousy ceiling! I thought I told you to get some man-animals in here and fix it. A man-animal getting leverage over a Psychlo? That'll be the day. [Taking Jonnie to a library] When we attacked your planet, all your soldiers and all their advanced technology could only put up a measly nine-minute fight before they were exterminated, which is why man is an endangered species. Everything you humans knew is here, and you can look at anything you want, because there is nothing that will help you. Stupid humans! Never underestimate what a little leverage can do, rat-brain! Attention. This is Terl, your chief of security. Exterminate all man-animals at will, and happy hunting! You have been quite a challenge, rat-brain, and you're going to make a hell of a conversation piece when you're stuffed and hanging on the wall at the academy! Chirk I am going to make you as happy as a baby Psychlo on a straight diet of kerbango. Ker I'm going to fire all my wives and buy new ones! Maybe pretty ones this time. Look at the bright side! You may not be wallowing in luxury on Psychlo, but at least you finally got your gold. [laughs] Dialogue thumb|They told me this planet was ugly, but this has got to be one of the ugliest crap holes in the entire universe. thumb|Obviously the superior race, having the man-animal chauffeur it around. Terl: [holding Jonnie] Who is responsible for allowing this man-animal to run around unsupervised? Processing Clerk: The man-animal shot the wrangler, sir. Terl: I'm a little pressed for time. Why don't you save the going-away jokes for later? Clerk: No joke, sir. I swear. The man-animal somehow got hold of his gun. Terl: Really? Show me. [switches the clerk's gun to "kill" and hands it to Jonnie] Reach for the gun. Clerk: Sir, I might get shot. Terl: Sure, you might, and I might suddenly grow a third arm! Clerk: Sir, I swear it shot the wrangler! Terl: Any report filed still has my name on it, and you are out of your skull-bone if you think I am going to write on a report, "shot by man-animal," as the cause of death unless I see it! Clerk: If I obey your command I may get killed. Terl: And if you don't, it's a certainty that you will be killed. Reach for the gun. [The clerk reaches for the gun; Jonnie shoots him.] Well now, I'll be damned. [laughs] Terl: It is a pleasure to see you, Your Excellency, and I would be honored to expedite your clearance through security. Zete: Please, call me Zete. Does all of Earth look like this? Terl: Oh, I'm afraid so, sir. Zete: Pathetic. All the green and the blue sky. They told me this planet was ugly, but this has got to be one of the ugliest crap holes in the entire universe. Terl: I couldn't agree with you more. Zete: I hate these puny undersized planets. The gravity is so ... different. Terl: Well, one does get used to it. Zete: And the human animals, grossly undersized. Ker: They don't make very good eating, Your Excellency. Zete: [Looking at an overhead photo of a car] What is this species? Terl: Well, according to the Clinko historians, the species is called "dog." Zete: Dog? Terl: Yes. Zete: Obviously the superior race, having the man-animal chauffeur it around. Zete: Home Office is well aware of your academic achievements and obvious talents. That's why we've decided not to keep you here for another five cycles. Ker: It's a joke! Terl: Oh, thank you sir. I don't know if I could have kept my sanity to be here another five cycles! Zete: We've decided to keep you here another fifty cycles, with endless options for renewal! [laughs maniacally] Those options, of course, being at Home Office's discretion, not yours. The senator has a lot of friends! Terl: Ker, I'd like you to meet Chirk. [Ker grunts appreciatively] Terl: She's, um ... she's, um ... Chirk: His soon-to-be newly acquired secretary. Terl: Yes. Ker: [Eagerly] Really? Terl: [Quietly, to Ker] She's stupid enough not to be a menace, good-looking enough to be decorative; she gets drunk with economical speed ... and has other advantages. [Chirk extends her very long tongue] Ker: Ooh. I can see that. Chrissy: What if he's not dead? Parson Staffer: Hope is an admirable quality, but foolish isn't. Terl: Why don't you vaporize me? Jonnie Goodboy Tyler: Leverage. Critical reaction thumb|…something historic, a film that for decades to come will be the punch line of jokes about bad movies. —Roger Ebert Battlefield Earth has the feel of a movie made by a precocious 8-year-old with access to too many leftover costumes from Clan of the Cave Bear and Star Trek: The Next Generation. Arne Johnson, Citysearch The plot depends on the most ludicrous decisions and senseless actions ever made by a thinking race. Sean Axmaker, Seattle Post-Intelligencer ...a picture that will be hailed without controversy as the worst of its kind ever made. David Edelstein, Slate ...like taking a bus trip with someone who has needed a bath for a long time... something historic, a film that for decades to come will be the punch line of jokes about bad movies. Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times ...breathtakingly awful in concept and execution... trite, befogged and dorky... glowering, humorless, clumsily rendered. Rita Kempley, Washington Post ...an authentic howler of the Big Dumb and Loud school... Ron Weiskind, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette ...the greatest White Zombie-GWAR music video ever ... If filmmaking has ever been less thrilling and more disengaging, I'd like to see it. Wesley Morris, San Francisco Examiner ...even by Hollywood's titanic standards, Battlefield Earth stands out as an example of blind hubris and folly ... how could such a movie happen? Sharon Waxman, Washington Post Taglines Prepare for battle Take back the planet Prepare to go Psychlo On May 12, we fight back. Cast John Travolta - Terl Barry Pepper - Jonnie Goodboy Tyler Forest Whitaker as Ker Kim Coates - Carlo Sabine Karesenti - Chrissy Richard Tyson - Robert the Fox Kelly Preston - Chirk Michael MacRae - District Manager Zete Shaun Austin-Olsen - Planetship Numph Tim Post - the Assistant Planetship Michael Byrne - Parson staffer Christian Tessier as Mickey Sylvain Landry as Sammy Earl Paskto as the Bartender Noël Burton - the Clinko Learning instructor External links Battlefield Earth (film) 0185183 Battlefield Earth Category:2000 films Category:Science fiction films Category:Dystopian films Category:Post-apocalyptic films Category:Films based on novels Category:Action films Category:Religious films Category:War films Category:Films about slavery Category:Films set in Kentucky Category:Films set on fictional planets Category:Cult films Category:Films about alien invasions