Beavis and Butt-head (season 7)

Beavis and Butt-head (1993–1997, 2011, 2022–present) is an American animated television series that originally aired on the cable television channel MTV. It followed the misadventures of two teenagers, Beavis and Butt-head. Season seven originally aired from 26 January to 28 November 1997. Pilots • Seasons 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9 • 10 • 11 • 12 • Specials • Music videos • MTV programming • Feature film • Sequel film • Album • Main "Butt, Butt, Hike" [7.01] "Vaya Con Cornholio" [7.02] Immigration Officer:  Hey, you!  ¿Habla español? Beavis:  [as Cornholio]  Español?  Es-bunghole! Habla? Ba-habla! Bla-bla-bla-bla-haaaa! Supervisor:  Alright, so what do we know about this kid? Officer:  I picked him up at Burger World, but he didn't have any I.D., or anything.  Says his name is "Cornholio." Supervisor:  The hell kind of a name is that?  Is that his first name, or last? Officer:  Um...I dunno, it's the only name he gives. Supervisor:  Cornholio...could be Spanish.  Probably Italian.  Doubtful. Officer:  Well, that little bastard devoured my taco burrito combo on the ride over. Supervisor:  Well, probably Mexican. Officer:  Says he's from Lake Titicaca. Supervisor:  Lake Titicaca? Beavis:  Lake Titicaca! Titicaca! Supervisor:  Alright, find out where the hell Lake Titicaca is. Beavis:  Nicaragua! Supervisor:  Nicaragua? Beavis:  Agua for my bunghole!  Bunghole! Officer:  Oh, yeah.  And he keeps saying he needs "T.P." for his "bunghole." Supervisor:  What the hell's a bunghole?  Can you find out what a bunghole is? Beavis:  You are a bunghole!  And so am I.  There will be more bungholes after me! Officer:  [reading from dictionary]  Here, I got the dictionary. "Bunghole: a hole in a barrel or keg used for pouring in or drawing out liquid." Supervisor:  This kid's messed up.  Just take him back to Mexico and drop him off with the others.  Let the federales deal with him. Officer:  Okay, Cornholio.  Time to go back home. Beavis:  Are you threatening me?  You will give me T.P., bunghole! Officer:  Yeah, yeah. Alright. I know your bunghole needs T.P.  We'll get you plenty of T.P., just as soon as we get you back to Mexico.  And your bunghole will be just fine. Beavis:  I would hate for my bungholio to get polio. Officer:  Me too.  Come on.  This way, Cornholio. Beavis:  The bunghole!  It is nothing to be ashamed of. Beavis:  You must feed the almighty bunghole! Officer:  I'm with immigration, and if you don't show me some proof of residency, I'm gonna have to take you in! Beavis:  You can take me, but you cannot take my bunghole!  For I have no bunghole. I am the great Cornholio. Beavis:  [going to Mexico]  I'm the great Cornholio.  There will be T.P. for everyman.  No man should be without T.P. Beavis:  [arriving in Mexico]  Aaahh, is this Nicaragua?  I will take this land for my bunghole!  Long live the almighty bunghole! "Evolution Sucks" [7.03] "Ding-Dong-Ditch" [7.04] Butt-head:  Check it out, this trick rules!  It's like we ring the door bell and then we run away. Beavis:  Yeah, yeah, okay. Man at the door:  Yeah? Beavis:  We tricked him. Butt-head:  He's probably, like, "Uhh, there is nobody here.  I wonder who did that." Man at the door:  Hey, what the hell is wrong with you two.  Do that again I'll kick your ass. Beavis:  Hey Butt-head, did we do that right? Butt-head:  Eeeh, I don't know.  Maybe we're supposed to like run away before anyone opens the door.  Let's try it again. Beavis:  Yeah, this is gonna be cool. Butt-head:  So like, this time remember to run away before they come to the door. Beavis:  Ooi, okay.  "Before."  That was cool! Butt-head:  Yeah!  They're gonna be pissed. Beavis:  Uhhm, nobody is coming out, Butt-head. Butt-head:  Maybe whoever lives there has like a broken leg or something and it takes long time to get to the door. Beavis:  Yeah, that will be pretty cool! Butt-head:  Yeah! Beavis:  Hey, Butt-head, let's ring it again! Butt-head:  Eeeh, okay. Beavis:  Let me ring it. Butt-head:  No way, Beavis.  You rang it last time. Beavis:  No way.  You did, dill-hole! Butt-head:  Uhh, wait a minute.  Uhh, I think we forgot to ring the door bell, Beavis. Beavis:  Dammit, this is really hard, Butt-head! Butt-head:  Yeah, but it's cool once you get it right.  Come on. Man at the door:  What do you want?  What?  What are you doin'? Beavis:  Did you see that?  That was pretty cool! Butt-head:  Beavis, you screwed it up again!  You're supposed to run before he comes to the door. Beavis:  No, damn it!  I don't know when he's gonna come to the door.  This sucks! Butt-head:  Dumbass! Neighbour woman:  Where are you goin'? Neighbour woman's husband:  The neighbours asked if I pick up their mail while they're away on vacation. Butt-head:  Hey, Beavis.  I hope whoever lives here is, like, taking a dump. Beavis:  He gotta run to the door. Butt-head:  Damn it, what the hell is taking so long! Beavis:  Yeah, really, let's do it again.  What's wrong with these people? Butt-head:  I don't know.  They must be stupid. Beavis:  Are you sure we get it right this time? Butt-head:  Eeh, yeah. [The family living there just arrives their house] Family guy:  God, it's good to be back home huh again?  What a trip! Beavis:  Hey Butt-head, they weren't even home. Butt-head:  That sucks! Butt-head:  Ding dong ditch is hard. Beavis:  Yeah, yeah, that sucks.  What a waste of time! Butt-head:  Maybe we were like doing something wrong.  We need practice.  Hey Beavis, you pretend you're at home, and I'll, like, do it to you. Beavis:  Yeah, yeah, practice.  [Butt-head goes out and rings the door bell]  Who do that?  Hello, damn it!  Nobody here, damn it!  Bunghole!  Ooh yeah, that worked pretty good, yeah. "Just for Girls" [7.05] "A Very Special Episode" [7.06] Butt-head:  [trying to pronounce "symptoms"]  Sym…sym…Simpsons?  Uh, they're pretty cool. [after Butt-head tosses a baby bird into the air] Beavis:  Hey, Butt-head, you "flipped the bird."  Heh heh. "Dumbasses Anonymous" [7.07] Bartender: Look, I told you kids! You got no I.D., you look underage, and if I serve you, I'll go to jail! Butt-head: Oh. Uhh…how about one for the road? Beavis: Yeah, like one to help me forget or something? Bartender: Get outta here! Both of you! Joe from AA meeting: Oh, yeah! Hey, it's okay, bartender. These are good kids. Y'know, you boys remind me of me I was a kid. Butt-head:Yeah, some day we're gonna be just like you. Beavis: Yeah, we're gonna be drunk. [Joe falls on the floor in drunken stupor] "Underwear" [7.08] "Head Lice" [7.09] Beavis:  [as Cornholio]  Do you have any tsetse flies?  Hehe.  Teetsie! Nurse:  Here's a prescription for some special shampoo and cream for skin irritation. Butt-head:  [laughs]  She said "foreskin." Beavis:  Yeah.  Foreskin irritation. [Beavis starts whacking Butt-head with a flyswatter in an attempt to kill the lice] Butt-head:  Ow!  What the hell are you doing, ass-wipe?! Beavis:  Yeah!  I'm kicking the bugs' ass!  Yeah! Butt-head:  Ow!  I'm gonna kick your ass, fartknocker!  [kicks Beavis in the testicles] Beavis:  Aaaahh!  [falls down] Butt-head:  Now get up.  We gotta, like, use an infesticide. Beavis:  Hey, Butt-head, are they dead? Butt-head:  Uh, I think we got 'em, dude. Beavis:  [suddenly starts scratching his scrotum]  Um…wait a minute.  Damn it.  I think I got some more bugs on my nads. Butt-head:  Uh, how'd they get there, Beavis? Beavis:  I don't know.  Dammit! Butt-head:  Maybe you should stick your weiner in the bug zapper! Beavis:  Yeah, yeah!  That's a really good idea, Butt-head!  [pulls bug zapper down to his crotch area]  Let me just get this down here, here we go… [unzips pants; follows Butt-head's advice off-screen; electricity crackles and Beavis screams] Butt-head:  [chuckling]  Dumbass! "Cyber-Butt" [7.10] Butt-head:  Welcome to the future.  Here is your free porn. Beavis: Yeah. Porn is good for you. Did you know that? Principal McVicker: Uh... Now as you boys know, we have strict rules, about accessing computer pornography from the library. So before, I sentence you to an extremely harsh punishment, I want to know how you little punks did it! Uh... Come on. You idiots can save yourself a lot of trouble if you just tell me who helped you log on! Butt-Head: I did that myself. But Stewart got us the porn. Stewart: What? Beavis: He's pretty good. Stewart: But... but... but I... Principal McVicker: Oh, that's it! You're all getting detention for the rest of the year! And you've lost all your computer privileges! Beavis: Yeah, yeah we need more porn, come on Stewart. Buzzcut: Shut the hell up! "Nose Bleed" [7.11] Beavis:  [upon noticing that he's got a nosebleed]  No!  I'm bleeding!  I'm bleeding! Butt-head:  [goes up to a woman coming out of a gas station rest-room]  So, here's a quarter.  Could you like get one of those things, you put in your thing, when you got your thing.  [woman punches Butt-head] "Citizens Arrest" [7.12] Butt-head:  Beware the long arm of Butt-head. Beavis:  Beware the long wiener of Beavis! "Pierced" [7.13] "A Great Day" [7.14] Beavis:  Some day, I'd like to be like that.  You know, a kid finds a dead bird, you give him 20 bucks for it.  Now that's cool. "On Strike" [7.15] "Follow Me" [7.16] "Nothing Happening" [7.17] "Take a Lap" [7.18] "Shortcuts" [7.19] "Bride of Butt-head" [7.20] "Special Delivery" [7.21] "Woodshop" [7.22] Beavis:  Hey, Butt-head, I don't know why, but this is giving me a stiffy. Butt-head:  Uhhhh, maybe that's why they call it "woodshop." [after Beavis severs his finger in shop class] Butt-head: Hey, Beavis. Pull my finger. I mean, your finger. Beavis: Shut up, Butt-head! Butt-head:  [upon handing Beavis's severed finger to the nurse]  Hey, Beavis.  I gave her the finger. "T.V. Violence" [7.23] "Canned" [7.24] "Garage Band" [7.25] Butt-head:  Come on, dumbass, play it. Beavis:  Check this out.  Uhhh yeeah!!  Waahhhhh!!  You're gonna die!!  [smashes Mr. Van Driessen's acoustic guitar]  Ohhh dnanananananana didlywoo weewoo browww baaabababa dadadada!! Butt-head:  Woah!  That was cool, Beavis.  We're, like, on our way. Beavis:  We're Metallica, featuring Beavis and Butt-head! Butt-head:  Uhh, that doesn't sound right.  It should be like, Butt-head and Beavis.  "Beavis and Butt-head" sounds stupid. Beavis:  No, no!  I kinda like "Beavis and Butt-head"!  I don't know just sounds right. Butt-head:  Damn it, Beavis, this is my band.  My name comes first.  Don't you, like, wanna be a hit? Beavis:  No way!  If you hit me, I'm gonna kick you in the nads! Butt-head:  Yeah, try it, and I'll beat the living crap out of you.  Damn it, this band isn't working.  It's, like, we don't, like, uhh…communicate or something? Beavis:  What? Butt-head:  Uhh…I don't know.  What? Beavis:  What the hell are you talking about?! Butt-head:  Uh, I don't know.  You're just a butt-knocker. Beavis:  Don't call me butt-knocker, you son of a bitch! Butt-head:  This band sucks.  I'm gonna get outta here.  [walks off] Beavis:  Yeah, I'm gonna get outta here.  This sucks!  [turns around and walks off] "Impotence" [7.26] Dr. Leibowitz:  Let's try to see exactly what the problem is.  Now, I'm going to run some tests to gauge your ability to become aroused. Butt-head:  Cool. Dr. Leibowitz:  Now, I'm going to show you some photographs.  When you begin to feel aroused, just raise your hand.  Now— [sees Beavis and Butt-head already have their hands raised] Beavis:  Um, are these pictures of the chicks we're gonna get to score with? Dr. Leibowitz:  Well, yes, if you find that helps, that would be an excellent way to think of them. Butt-head:  Cool.  Bring 'em on. Beavis:  Yeah, yeah.  [mock-Arabic accent]  Which lucky girls will be fit to join my harem? Dr. Leibowitz:  Uh, okay.  Here's the first image.  [holds up photo of a model in lingerie] Butt-head:  [both raise hands]  Yes!  I'll take her! Beavis:  Yeah, yeah, me, too.  [turns to Butt-head]  I saw her first, dillhole! Dr. Leibowitz:  Hmm.  Let's go on.  [holds up another photo] Butt-head:  Whoa!  [raises his hand] Beavis:  Wha-ha!  Boi-oi-oi-oi-oi-oing!! Dr. Leibowitz:  Interesting.  Beavis, why didn't you raise your hand this time?  Didn't you find the image exciting? Butt-head:  [looks at Beavis]  Uhh, Beavis's hands are busy, sir. "The Miracle That Is Beavis" [7.27] Butt-head:  [upon seeing a commercial about a book titled Seize the Power]  Hey Beavis…seize my weiner. Buzzcut:  Beavis! Beavis:  Aaah!  [scared] Buzzcut:  Damn it, you will listen when I'm talking'!! Beavis:  No way!  I'm sick of school and I'm sick of you! Buzzcut:  What?!  You get the hell out of here!!  I'll see you in detention!! Beavis:  Okay, cool. "Shopping Cart" [7.28] "Inventors" [7.29] Beavis:  [sees man chopping wood]  I know.  Let's invent a tree. Butt-head:  Beavis. Beavis:  See, we could build one out of lumbers and two-by-fours and stuff, and then we could, like, tape some leaves— [Butt-head slaps him] Ow!!  See, that way, anyone who needs wood, but doesn't want to cut down his own tree, can just, like, buy our tree and cut it down, and then he— [Butt-head slaps him again] Ow!! Butt-head:  Why wouldn't he just go cut down his neighbor's tree, dumbass?  Now, quit wasting time.  We need to come up with a real money-making invention. "Die Fly, Die!" [7.30] Butt-head:  Now we need to get some of that bug spray. Beavis:  Bug spray? Butt-head:  Yeah, when it lands on the garbage, we'll, like, spray poison on it, then it's gonna puke all over itself and die! Butt-head:  [pulling trash can into house]  [turns around, sees Beavis taking a dump in the living room]  Uhh!  What the hell are you doing, butthole!? Get up and help me with this. Beavis:  [getting up]  I am helping, butthole! You said flies like garbage and crap. Beavis:  Look, Butt-head.  [pulls out hedgetrimmer]  Say "hello" to my little friend! "Drinking Butt-ies" [7.31] "Work Is Death" [7.32] Burger World manager:  You don't get workers compensation for fighting, it has to be an accident. Beavis:  You mean we, like, need to poop in our pants? "Breakdown" [7.33] Principal McVicker: B-b-but I don't want any visitors... I'm sick in the head! Psychiatrist: Seeing them is a first step towards resuming your duties as principal. After all, they're your students... Principal McVicker: No! They're demons sent straight from Hell! Psychiatrist: Mr McVicker, what are we going to do with you? We tried everything from group counselling to physical isolation, and... Beavis: Did you try kicking him in the nads? Psychiatrist: Yeah, good idea. Butt Head: So, uh... Are gonna like use a straitjacket? Beavis: [excitedly] Yeah, straitjacket! Straitjacket! [McVicker gets up and strangles Beavis] Beavis: Ahh! He's trying to kill me! Psychiatrist: Nurse, restrain him! "Graduation Day" [7.34] Mr. Van Driessen:  This is called a mortar board, and it comes with this tassel which many graduates say is a momento of their special day.  Perhaps some of your older brothers and sisters still have theirs. Butt-head:  Oh yeah!  My uncle has one of those hanging on his dashboard. Mr. Van Driessen:  Good, Butt-head!  He must have saved it from his own high school graduation. Butt-head:  Uh…no.  He didn't go to high school.  He got it off the boob of some chick in a nudey bar. Mr. Van Driessen:  Butt-head…there's a big difference in the meaning of the two.  I hope that someday you get to understand that. Mr. Van Driessen:  Congratulations, Cassandra.  I know you'll go far in the world, okay? Beavis:  Heheheheh…tassel. Mr. Van Driessen:  Here you go, Butt-head.  You have many… qualities.  [quietly and with a hint of embarrassment]  Here's your diploma, Beavis.  [while the other students return to their seats, Beavis and Butt-head walk out thinking it was an actual graduation] "The Future of Beavis and Butt-head" [7.35] Job Counselor:  So, which duty do you enjoy most? Butt-head:  Beavis enjoys all his doodies. Beavis:  Yeah. Job Counselor:  Well, which do you enjoy most? Beavis:  Um, well…I guess the ones that take a long time. Job Counselor:  You like to get your hands dirty? Beavis:  Well, yeah, sometimes. Job Counselor:  Something you can really sink your teeth into? Beavis:  Um…no, that's disgusting. "Speech Therapy" [7.36] Principal McVicker:  Uuhh, no!  Beavis and Butt-head, what the hell are you doing here? Butt-head:  Ehhh, like, two weeks ago, you told us we were suspended for, like, two weeks.  So I think, like, now, we might be done being suspended, or something? Principal McVicker:  Uhh, god, I've been dreading this day. Butt-head:  Yeah, me, too! Beavis:  Yeah, really, school sucks! Principal McVicker:  You watch your mouth, little pain in the ass!  Ehh, whose class are you supposed to be in this morning? Butt-head:  Ehh, I think the teacher is a guy.  Ehh, Van…uhh Rigvantrison? Beavis:  Yeah, yeah, something like that. Principal McVicker:  Ooh, no.  Mr. Van Driessen took his class to the botanical gardens today.  Ooh, damn it! Butt-head:  Yeah, damn it! Beavis:  Yeah, damn it, god damn son of a bitch! Principal McVicker:  You little bastards, watch your language!  Ooh, wait a minute.  We've just got a new speech therapist on staff.  Maybe I'll stick you in her class.  Yeah. Butt-head:  He said "in her." Principal McVicker:  Oh, no! Beavis:  Oh, yeah. Ms. Jenkins:  Well, good morning everyone.  My name is Miss Jenkins and I'm a speech therapist.  And I guess a lot of you were wondering, "Why do I need speech therapy?" Beavis:  Yeah. Ms. Jenkins:  "I already know how to speak.  What can I learn here?"  You know, sometimes people don't even realize they have a speech impediment. Beavis:  What's a speech im-pediment? Butt-head:  Speech im-pediments suck! Ms. Jenkins:  A person shouldn't be ashamed of having a speech impediment.  As a matter of fact, many highly intelligent and creative people are speech impaired. Butt-head:  Hey Beavis, that dude has boobs. Ms. Jenkins:  And once they begin to be more aware of how they sound, they are better able to correct themselves. Beavis:  Butt-head, that what I think it is? Butt-head:  Yeah, this class is cool. Ms. Jenkins:  Well, I'm glad to hear that Butt-head and we're all glad to have you on our little speech team. Butt-head:  Eee, can you get out of the way? Beavis:  Yeah, really. Ms. Jenkins:  Well, I'll tell you what boys.  I have some other pictures in my briefcase that are even more interesting than that one. Butt-head:  Really? Beavis:  What could be more interesting than this? Ms. Jenkins:  Well, how about a picture taken from right up inside the larynx? Beavis:  Whoa, no way! Butt-head:  How could you get a camera up there? Ms. Jenkins:  Well, I'll be happy to show you after you practice this next exercise, okay? Butt-head:  This is gonna be cool. Beavis:  Yeah, yeah, boi-oi-oi… Ms. Jenkins:  Okay, now, we're going to use these mirrors to observe our lips, and teeth, and tongue during speech. Butt-head:  Butt-munch, dill-weed. Beavis:  Ass-wipe, butt-hole. Butt-head:  Ass-munch Ms. Jenkins:  Butt-head, this might be a good time to work on your 'S.' Butt-head:  Eeeh, I didn't know my ass needed any work. Ms. Jenkins:  Now, don't get defensive, Butt-head; I just want to try to clean it up a little, okay?  Now try this.  Make a 'T' sound, then throw it out like this.  Everyone, let's try to help Butt-head, okay? Butt-head:  Hey, Beavis, check it out! Ms. Jenkins:  Settle down please, all right boys?  Okay.  What I'd like everyone to do is to repeat these sentences while watching your mouth in your mirrors, okay?  All right, here goes:  "Speaking slowly as such can say just as much." Butt-head:  Whoa, she just said "ass munch"! Beavis:  Yeah, this chick rules.  "Ass munch"! Ms. Jenkins:  Very good, boys!  "As much." Beavis:  Ass munch! Butt-head:  Ass munch! Ms. Jenkins:  All right, let's try this one:  "Half haste helps, but whole haste hinders." Butt-head:  Whoa, she just said "butthole"! Beavis:  Yeah, yeah, butthole! Ms. Jenkins:  "But whole haste…" Beavis:  Yeah, yeah: butthole, butthole!  This is cool.  Bunghole! Ms. Jenkins:  No, no, Beavis, listen closely.  "But whole," "but whole." Beavis:  Oooh, yeah, yeah. Principal McVicker:  I just came by to see if those two little bastards have done anything I ccould suspend them for. Ms. Jenkins:  Actually, Principal McVicker, these boys have done very well.  Beavis, Butt-head, would you like to show your principal what you've learned today? Butt-head:  Assmunch Beavis:  And butthole.  Butthole. Principal McVicker:  Watch your mouth, you little sons of bitches! Ms. Jenkins:  Principal, please.  Now I don't want you to take this to the wrong way, principal, but I've noticed that you have a little trouble expressing yourself sometimes. Principal McVicker:  What? Butt-head:  McVicker is a dumbass.  He doesn't know how to talk to chicks. Beavis:  Yeah, really.  He's probably like "…" Boi-oi-oi… "Our Founding Losers" [7.37] Butt-head:  [as Paul Revere riding into town]  Uhh, the Yiddish are coming.  Huh-huh-huh.  The Yiddish are coming. Butt-head:  [as Abraham Lincoln giving the Gettysburg Address]  When I almost scored with four chicks seven years ago, this one chick's father brought forth upon me a prostitute.  Huh-huh.  Because some dudes just weren't created equal.  Huh-huh. [Beavis is having a dream of the writing of the Declaration of Independence; Thomas Jefferson is dictating and Beavis is dressed like Benjamin Franklin] Thomas Jefferson:  "All Men are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable Rights, and among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness."  Have you anything to add, Compatriot Beavis? Beavis: Oh, um, heh-heh, okay.  Um, heh-heh, yeah, yeah, how about this?  "All chicks shall, um, heh-heh, be required to do it with us, huh-huh, at all times, yeah.  He-he.  E pluribus unum.  He-he, yeah, he-he." Thomas Jefferson: A damn fine idea, lad. All:  Hear, hear! The actual text of that line of the Declaration of Independence reads: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness Jefferson's original rough draft read: We hold these truths to be sacred & undeniable; that all men are created equal & independant, that from that equal creation they derive rights inherent & inalienable, among which are the preservation of life, & liberty, & the pursuit of happiness Butthead: Uh... Ok. Beavis: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Hmm... Let's see... um... Butthead: Uh... Buzzcut: So? Butt-head: What? Beavis: Yeah. So what? Butt-head:  [to Coach Buzzcut]  Once we tried to "found" Beavis's father, but we never did because his mom's a slut. This episode aired after Beavis and Butt-head Do America was released, in which, unbeknownst to Beavis or Butt-head, the duo meet their fathers. "Leave It to Beavis" [7.38] Beaver:  [on t.v.]  Gee Wally, Dad said not to.  And besides, I don't want him to holler at me. Butt-head:  Uhuhuhuh…beaver. Beavis:  Yeah, yeah, Beaver kicks ass.  But it's, like, um, that's not really what stuff was like back then. Butt-head:  Yeah.  It's like, if this was real, and it was like the '50s, things would be all different and stuff. Todd:  So, Beaver… Beavis:  The name's Beavis, sir. Todd:  Well excuse me, Beaver. Mrs. Steveson:  Now, dear, don't you think you should go to work today? Butt-head:  Uh, no.  [rubs her arm] Todd:  Now get in there and get me some smokes. Beavis:  Are you sure I should be doing this? Todd:  What did you say? Beavis:  I said are you— Todd:  [revs car so the rest of Beavis's words aren't heard]  Listen, squirt, you better get in there and get me some smokes before today's lesson turns into Ass-kicking 101. Store owner:  Well, hey, there, Master Cleaver, aren't you supposed to be in school? Beavis:  Well, I guess so, b-but all I know is I'm s'posed to come in here and buy some cigarettes. Store owner:  Hey, you wouldn't be buying these for Eddy, now, would ya? Beavis:  …Gee, how'd you know?  [store owner looks out window, sees Todd smoking; canned laughter] Store owner:  Tell Eddy it's against the law for me to sell cigarettes to a boy your age.  And then, tell him cigarettes cause cancer. Beavis:  Y-yeah but, if I tell him that, he might get all sore 'n stuff.  A-and then he's liable to beat me up. Store owner:  Well, if he tries that, you tell him that's against the law, too. Butt-head:  Woah.  What happened, uh, son? Todd:  It seems that little Beaver here ran afoul of some asphalt. Butt-head:  Uh huh huh…asphalt. Mrs. Stevenson:  Aren't you being a little hard on the Beavis? Butt-head:  Huh huh huh, hard.  Huhuhuhuh, on. "Butt Flambe" [7.39] Butt-head:  Uh, is this the hostipal?[sic] Guy:  Can I help you? Butt-head:  You can tell me if this is a damn hostipal. Guy:  Yes, and what's your problem? Butt-head:  [looks at Beavis]  He's the one with the problem.  Look at him. Beavis:  [scared]  My butt hurts!! Guy:  We got a crispy critter! [Beavis whimpering] Butt-head:  [chuckling]  "Crispy critter." Beavis:  [horrified and panicking]  I'll never poop again!! "Beavis and Butt-head Do Thanksgiving" [TG.1] Note:  See Beavis and Butt-head (specials) for quotes from this Thanksgiving special. "Beavis and Butt-head Are Dead" [7.40] Beavis:  Um, hey, Butt-head, I think the phone is ringing. Butt-head:  Yeah, well, make it stop. Beavis:  [answering phone]  Um…who are you? McVicker's secretary:  This is Highland High calling.  We're trying to figure out why Beavis and Butt-head haven't been in school for the past three weeks. Beavis:  Oh.  Um…yeah, they're dead. Mr. Van Driessen:  Students, can I have your attention?  There's been a terrible tragedy…and I wanted you to hear it from me first— Principal McVicker:  [over PA]  Listen up!  Beavis and Butt-head are dead!  There will be an emergency meeting in the teachers' conference room in five minutes, followed by a brief party.  Whoo!  Yeah! Principal McVicker:  [giving speech at fund-raiser]  I would gladly give back all the money, just to see Beavis and Butt-head one more time. Butt-head:  Okay, McDicker, give us some money. Principal McVicker:  What!? Beavis:  Where the hell are the dead people? Principal McVicker:  Uhhh, you're supposed to be dead!  [struggles with Beavis and Butt-head; sees the memories of the boys' antics; has a heart attack] Beavis:  Whoa!  A dead body!  Check it out! Coach Buzzcut:  Give the man some air!  He's not dead yet! [the final lines of the original run of the series as the boys walk off to the strings of love music and sirens—with the money collected in their names] Butt-head:  Hey, Beavis, did you see McVicker?  He was, like, "Uh, uh, uh," and then Buzzcut made out with him. Beavis:  Yeah, that was cool.  We should go to school early tomorrow, you know, in case someone else dies. Butt-head:  Dumbass, [the two begin walking off into the sunset] we're rich; we don't have to go to school ever again. Beavis:  Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's pretty damn cool. Butt-head:  Uh huh huh, yeah. Beavis and Butt-head:  [simultaneously, laughing for the last time]  Heh heh heh mh heh heh heh… Uh huh huh huh huh huh huh… [screen fades out and a title card reads THE END] Cast Mike Judge—Beavis Mike Judge—Butt-head Mike Judge—David Van Driessen Mike Judge—Principal McVicker Mike Judge—Coach Buzzcut Rottilio Michieli—Todd Ianuzzi External links http://www.mtv.com/shows/beavis_and_butthead/ 0105950 Beavis and Butt-Head 07