The New Adventures of Old Christine

The New Adventures of Old Christine (2006–2010) is an American sitcom, airing on CBS, about a divorced mom who tries to keep pace with everyone around her, while remaining friendly with her ex-husband who is dating a woman with the same name. On May 18, 2010, CBS cancelled the series after 5 seasons. Season 1 Pilot [1.01] Ritchie: Why is everyone's car so much bigger than ours? Christine: Because they don't believe in themselves. Richie: Do we believe in ourselves? Christine: [shrugs] Look at our car. Richard: How's my little third-grader? Richie: I look ridiculous in these clothes. Richard: Yeah... you kinda do. Christine: Richard, don't make this harder for me. Richard: I'm sorry. [to Richie] Cool pants, is that Rayon? Supertramp [1.02] Christine: [about her dry spell] Sex used to be my thing. God, in-fact senior year in high school I was a bit of a slut. That is what I was known for. Richard: Mind if I use your bathroom? Christine: Oh. Richard: I got to make a pit stop, not a full pit stop just an oil change. I'm going to pee. Open Water [1.03] Burton: You okay there? Christine: Yeah, it's my new date-night underwear. It just got to fifth base. Christine: Ritchie, we have talked about this. You're eight years old. We live in Los Angeles. You have to learn how to swim. Ritchie: Why? Christine: Because, honey, you can't keep going to pool parties telling people you're having your period. One Toe Over the Line, Sweet Jesus [1.04] Ritchie: What's intercourse? Matthew: Something to do with golf. You should ask your mom. Ritchie: Does mom golf? Matthew: She's been known to hit the links. I'll Show You Mine [1.05] Christine: Oh, come on, it hasn't been that bad, has it? I mean, didn't doing it in your car last week make you feel like a teenager? Burton: Yeah, until I got home and I had to ice... everything. Christine: No kidding, I got a bruise from knee to nipple. Richard: It shouldn't be this difficult. I mean I said 'I love you' on our first date, and you said it back to me. Christine: We had just seen Ghost. I would have told the movie-usher I loved him. Richard: It's good to know our marriage was based on such a rock solid foundation. Christine: It worked out pretty good... except for the divorce. The Other F Word [1.06] Matthew: What's going on? Christine: Nate just said the "F" word. Matthew: So? You say that word all the time; you said it three times in the car on the way over here. Christine: No, the other "F" word—the gay one. Frank: What are the families like? Christine: Great families—very involved. Frank: But would you describe them as having good values? Christine: "Good values?" Oh, definitely, great values, I mean just like us. Frank: Good, cause our last school had way too many fags. A Long Day's Journey Into Stan [1.07] Teach Your Children Well [1.08] Liz: Do you like being a nanny? Matthew: I do, although I prefer the word manny. Christine: It's not a lesson party, it's a party... with a lesson. Ritchie Has Two Mommies [1.09] No Fault Divorce [1.10] Christine: Are you saying that the divorce was my fault? Hillary: It wouldn't be ethical of me to tell you that. Christine: Was it anyone's fault? Hillary: Yes. Christine: Was it Richard's fault? Hillary: No. Exile on Lame Street [1.11] [Christine is trying desperately to get into a sold out Rolling Stones concert] Christine: Sir, uh, I'm sorry, let me just explain to you my situation. Okay, my nine-year-old is in there with his father and his new girlfriend, and there's a very strong possibility that he's gonna let him go to the bathroom on his own. Ticket Window Clerk: I'm so sorry. I didn't, I didn't know. We keep two emergency tickets available for situations like this. Is the fourth row okay? Christine: That would be great. Ticket Window Clerk: OK, uh let me just get those for you. [looking questioningly around the booth] Where do we keep them? Duh, they're right here! [he reaches up and slams the window blind shut in her face] Christine: He's not getting the tickets? Matthew: Uh, no, sweetie, he's not. Some of My Best Friends Are Portuguese [1.12] Christine: Do you ever let your armpit hair grow, just to see how long it can get? Belinda: Ew, no. Do you? Christine: Nooo... Christine: Well, I'm leaving. I want to thank you for a particularly humiliating afternoon. Belinda: Are you mad at me? Christine: Mad at you? Oh no, that was great. I don't know which part was my favorite: serving drinks to the "Meanie Moms" or watching Marly's husband massage your gums with his tongue. Belinda: I know. I'm sorry. I should have locked the door. Christine: Yeah, that's pretty much the only thing that was wrong with it. You know, I'm not Marly's biggest fan but she really doesn't deserve this. Belinda: I know. It's wrong, but I hope that you and I can still be friends. Christine: Yeah, I don't think so. Belinda: Why, because I'm Portuguese? Because I'm a maid? Christine: Ah, no, it's because, well, you're kind of a whore. A Fair to Remember [1.13] Richard: What am I doing?! Matthew: Apparently my sister. Christine: I was vulnerable, I was having a hard day! You took advantage of me! Richard: You put your hands down my pants! Burton: Christine, I'm sorry. I know you were probably kind of surprised to see that I was seeing someone so soon after we broke up. But I really didn't think it would bother you, especially since you're the one who broke up with me. Christine: Oh, no, it didn't bother me. I've seen people too, lots. I'm the town factory for God's sake. You can't close me down. Christine: Stripper boots! Those weren't stripper boots! I'll have you know those were hooker boots! Season 2 Season 3 Season 4 Season 5 Get Smarter [5.21] [Last scene in the series] Cast Julia Louis-Dreyfus - Christine Campbell (aka Old Christine) Wanda Sykes - Barbara 'Barb' Daran Clark Gregg - Richard Campbell Hamish Linklater - Matthew Kimble Trevor Gagnon - Ritchie Campbell Emily Rutherfurd - New Christine Tricia O'Kelley - Marly Ehrhardt Alex Kapp Horner - Lindsay External links 0462128 The New Adventures of Old Christine Category:2000s American multi-camera sitcoms Category:2010s American multi-camera sitcoms Category:CBS sitcoms Category:Cancelled shows Category:Television series on DVD Category:TV shows set in Los Angeles