South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut

South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut is a 1999 adult animated musical comedy film American film based on the animated television series South Park. Directed by Trey Parker. Written by Trey Parker, Matt Stone and Pam Brady. Warning: This movie will warp your fragile little minds.taglines Dialogue Carol: Where do you think you're going? Kenny: [muffled] I'm going to see the Terrance and Phillip movie. Carol: You can't, you have to go to church. Kenny: [muffled] But Mom, I really wanna see the movie! Carol: Well, fine. You go ahead and miss church, and then when you die and go to Hell, you can answer to Satan!!! Kenny: [muffled] Okay! [at South Park Elementary, the class sings "Uncle Fucka". Then Mr. Garrison enters and the class stops singing.] Mr. Garrison: [as Mr. Hat] Okay, children, let's take our seats. We have a lot to learn today. [normal voice] We sure do, Mr. Hat. Okay, children, let's start the day with a few new math problems. What is five times two? Come on children, don't be shy. Just give it your best shot. [Clyde raises his hand] Yes, Clyde? Clyde: Twelve. Mr. Garrison: Okay. Now let's try to get an answer from someone who's not a complete retard. Anyone? Come on, don't be shy. Kyle: I think I know the answer, Mr. Garrison. [Cartman mocks Kyle in a high-pitched, gibberish voice] SHUT UP, FAT BOY! Cartman: AY! DON'T CALL ME FAT, YA FUCKIN' JEW! Mr. Garrison: Eric, did you just say the F-word? Cartman: Jew? Kyle: No, he's talking about "fuck". You can't say "fuck" in school, you fuckin’ fat ass! Mr. Garrison: Kyle! Cartman: Why the fuck not? Mr. Garrison: Eric! Stan: Dude, you just said "fuck" again! Mr. Garrison: Stanley! Kenny: [muffled] Fuck. Mr. Garrison: Kenny! Cartman: What's the big deal? It doesn't hurt anybody. Fuck, fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuck. Mr. Garrison: How would you like to go see the school counselor? Cartman: How would you like to suck my balls? [everyone gasps in shock] Mr. Garrison: [outraged] WHAT DID YOU SAY?!! Cartman: Oh, I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Actually, what I said was: [picks up a megaphone and clears throat] "How would you like to suck my balls, Mr. Garrison?" [Garrison stands rooted to the spot, furiously speechless] Stan: Holy shit, dude. Chef: Hello there, children! Boys: Hey, Chef. Chef: How's it going? Boys: Bad. Chef: Why bad? Kyle: We got busted for swearing. Our moms said we can't ever see the Terrence and Phillip movie again as a reward. Chef: Oh, that's too bad. Cartman: You should have seen Kyle when his mom showed up; he was scared out of his mind. [laughs] Kyle: Shut up, Cartman! Cartman: No, dude. I'd be scared, too. Your mom's a fuckin' bitch. Kyle: DON'T CALL MY MOM A BITCH, YOU FAT FUCK! Cartman: DON'T CALL ME "FAT", YOU BUTT-FUCKIN' SON-OF-A-BITCH!!!!!!!!!! Chef: Whoa, children! When did you learn to talk like that? Cartman: [While he, Kyle and Kenny are leaving Stan with Chef] It's pretty fuckin' sweet, huh? Canadian Ambassador: As the Canadian Ambassador, I hereby condemn the actions taken by America in apprehending Terrance and Phillip. As you can see from this graph, [shows a pie graph in which Terrance and Phillip have been allotted almost half] the entire economy of Canada relies on Terrance and Phillip. Without them, we are doomed to recession! Head of the UN: What say you, Mr. American Ambassador? American Ambassador: [he stands up and straightens his tie, and flips the Canadian ambassador off] Fuck Canada! Canadian Ambassador: [responds with left fist in right elbow, and upraised right forearm] Hey, fuck you, buddy! American Ambassador: Terrance and Phillip will not be released, they are going to be put on trial for corrupting America's youth. We don't know what all the fuss is about. Canadian Ambassador: The fuss is aboot taking our citizens! It's aboot not censoring our art! It's aboot-- [the American delegation begins to crack up] It's aboot-- [he scans the room] What's so Goddamn funny?! American Ambassador: [recovering] N-nothing, nothing. Uh, could you tell us again what your argument is all about? Minster: This is not aboot diplomacy, this is aboot dignity. [the American delegates chuckle] This is aboot respect. This is about realizing that humor is-- [the American delegation cracks up again] Canadian Ambassador: You guys are dicks! Release Terrance and Phillip, or we'll give you something to cry aboot! [the American delegates are laughing so hard they begin falling off their chairs] American Delegate: Stop! Stop! [falls down] [Cartman sees Kenny’s ghost and Liane comes into his room] Liane: Eric, what is it? Cartman: I saw him, I saw Kenny! Liane: Oh, you poor dear. You've been through so much. [strokes Cartman] Cartman: I bet him he couldn't light a fart on fire and now he's all pissed off! [gets shocked by the V-chip] Aaggh! Hey, I can't say "pissed off"? [gets shocked again] Aaggh! Kyle: You're late, Cartman! Cartman: [rubbing his rear] I had to ride my bike here. My behind is killing me. Kyle: Your behind? Cartman: I have to say "behind", 'cause I get shocked if I say "ass". [gets shocked by the V-chip] Ow! Shelly: All right, you turds, listen up! Your moms are away at a meeting, so they put me in charge of you. But you're still grounded, so you're not allowed to have any fun. Any questions? Stan: Shelly, where's the clitoris? [Shelly picks up a chair and hits Stan over the head with it, outraged about what he just said] Shelly: Now you all just sit there and keep your mouths shut while I go listen to my Britney Spears records. [opens & closes the door] Stan: We're "La Resistance". We wanna save Terrance and Phillip and stop the war and stuff. The Mole: I can't help you. I'm grounded to my room for the next three days. Kyle: So are we. Our parents think we're home right now. Stan: Why are you grounded? The Mole: Why? Because God hates me. He has made my life miserable, so I call him a cocksucking asshole, then I get grounded. Terrance: Want to see the northern lights? [Lights his fart on fire and burns up] Phillip: You burned yourself to death by lighting your fart. Terrance: I sure did, Phillip. [Phillip farts, sending Terrance flying through the air] Terrance: Good one, Phillip! Phillip: Cheers, fuck-face. Conan O'Brien: Guys, you can't say that on TV. Phillip: Now Terrance smells like my ass! Brooke Shields: I farted once on the set of [The] Blue Lagoon! [silence; Terrance slaps her] [at a spelling bee] Teacher: All right, this is for the silver medal. Spell "forensics". Boy: Ah, fuck that! Why should I have to fucking spell "forensics"? Kids: Yeah! Boy: Here you go! [writes on the blackboard] S-U-C-K M-Y A-S-S. Forensics. William "Billy" Baldwin: [answers the phone] Baldwin residence. No, this is Billy Baldwin! If you want Daniel Baldwin, call his extension, stupid! [hangs up phone] Hey, Alec, do you know what sucks about being a Baldwin? Alec Baldwin: No. What? William "Billy" Baldwin: Nothing! Yeah! [Canadian jet fighters bomb the Baldwin residence, leaving only Billy alive] William "Billy" Baldwin: Ha-ha! You missed me! [a single fighter returns and bombs him.] Saddam Hussein: Oh, boy! I'm so excited! Just one more day until we take over the world! I don't know if I can sleep, if you know what I mean. Satan: [reading "Saddam Hussein is From Mars, Satan is From Venus"] This book is really interesting. It explains how people communicate differently, like how I communicate by wanting you to ask me questions, and then you-- Saddam Hussein: Hey, that is interesting! Let's fuck! Satan: [disgusted] Saddam! I'm trying to have a nice conversation with you! Saddam Hussein: [pulls out a fake dildo from under the covers] Hey, Satan! Satan: Oh! N-Now that is just not appropriate! Saddam Hussein: Oh, come on, I'm just fucking with you, it's not real! [throws the fake dildo away] Satan: Oh, well, that's still not appropriate. Saddam Hussein: [pulls out another fake dildo] Hey, Satan-- Satan: Ah! Saddam Hussein: Hey, [throws the other fake dildo away] it's not real either! Come on, guy! [Satan gets up from the bed and exits the room] General Plymkin: Battalion 5, raise your hands. [Battalion 5, made up entirely of African-Americans, including Chef, does so] You will be the all important first attack wave, which we will call "Operation: Human Shield". Chef: [outraged] Hey, wait a minute! General Plymkin: Now keep in mind Operation: Human Shield will suffer heavy losses. Battalion 14? [Battalion 14, comprised entirely of Caucasians, raises their hands] Right, you are "Operation: Get Behind the Darkies". You will follow Battalion 5 here, and try not to get killed for God's sake! Are there any questions, men? [Chef raises his hand] Yes, soldier? Chef: Have you ever heard of the Emancipation Proclamation? General Plymkin: I don't listen to hip-hop. After that, we will march into the heart of Canada, and we will-- [map begins wigging out, Saddam's visage begins to take over the hologram] Saddam Hussein: [tauntingly] Comin' to get ya. Comin' to get ya. General Plymkin: What's wrong with this thing? [hologram shorts out] Fucking Windows 98! Get Bill Gates in here! [Gates enters via soldiers] You told us Windows '98 would be faster and more efficient, with better access to the Internet! Bill Gates: It is faster, over five million-- [the General shoots Gates in the face] General Plymkin: All right, men! Get lots of rest, and prepare to fight the Canadian scum! [soldiers cheer] Cartman: [he, Kyle and Stan walk up to Kenny's corpse] I bet him he couldn't do it. I bet him $100. Kyle: Come on, Cartman, it's not your fault. Cartman: No, I know. I'm just fuckin’ stoked I don't have to pay him. Kyle: [angrily and sarcastically] Oh, that's real nice! He was your friend, you fat fuck! [the boys' mothers barge into the ER.] Sheila: So, boys, you saw that movie again? Boys: [miserably] Yes. Sheila: Well, Kyle, I have had it! You are grounded for the next two weeks! [the boys gasp in horror] Kyle: [shocked] Grounded? Sharon: And you, Stan, come on. [Stan exits, and the other two follow] Liane: And you're grounded for three weeks, Eric. Cartman: 'EY, WHY AM I GROUNDED MORE?! THAT'S FUCKING BULLSHIT! Sheila: W-W-WHAT?! What was that word, young man?! Dr. Vosknocker: The machinery of the V-Chip is very simple. It is placed under the child's skin where it emits a small shock of electricity whenever an obscenity is uttered. Randy: Now, uh, wait a minute. This chip somehow knows if the child is swearing? Dr. Vosknocker: It's just like a lie detector, you see? Certain things happen to you when you swear, just like when you lie. The chip picks up on this, and gives the subject a little prick. [to Cartman] Patient B-5, would you step out here, please? [Cartman comes out.] Patient B-5 here has been fitted with the new V-Chip. Cartman: [rubs his head in pain] Oh, my head hurts. Dr. Vosknocker: Don't worry about that. Now, I want you to say "doggy". Cartman: [nonchalantly] Doggy. Dr. Vosknocker: [to parents] Notice that nothing happens. [to Cartman] Now say "Montana". Cartman: Montana. Dr. Vosknocker: Good. Now "pillow". Cartman: Pillow. Dr. Vosknocker: All right, now I want you to say "horse fucker". [Cartman hesitates] Liane: Go ahead, Eric. It's all right. Cartman: Horse fu-- [gets shocked] 'AAAH!!' Yiii!! [crowd gasps] That hurt, Godda-- [gets shocked] AIII! OW! Fuck! [gets shocked] Aghh!! Dr. Vosknocker: Now I'd like you to say, "Big Floppy Donkey Dick". Cartman: [angrily] NO! Dr. Vosknocker: Success! The child doesn't want to swear! Cartman: [angrily] This isn't fair, you sons of bitches! [gets shocked repeatedly as he continues shouting in pain] Sheila: We will start putting V-Chips in all our children next week! [audience cheers] Sharon: [worried] My God. This is terrible! Sheila: [proudly] This is what we wanted! We wanted our children to be brought up in a smut-free environment! Sharon: But we didn't want this! [the moms walk out] Sheila: Where are you going? Sharon: [angrily] We're going to find our boys! For God's sake, Sheila, we're going to get them killed! Kenny: [muffled] Satan, you've got to do something! Satan: [sadly] I can't. Saddam Hussein: Let's start by building a big statue of me, right over there where that fat kid is standing. Cartman: [angrily] Hey! Don't call me fat, butt-fucker! [He shoots pent-up electrical charges out of his fingers, which sends a demon flying into a rock. Cartman suddenly gets an idea and smiles] Kyle: Yeah, Cartman. Do it! Cartman: DAMN, SHIT! RESPECT MY FUCKING AUTHORITAH! [Shoots electricity at Saddam Hussein, attacking him] Saddam Hussein: [getting electrocuted] Aaggh! Cartman: Yes! Saddam Hussein: Hey, you need to watch your mouth, brat. Cartman: DOG-SHIT TACO! [attacks Saddam Hussein more, much to everyone's surprise] Saddam: [gets electrocuted] AAAHH! [falls back on the snow and bounces.] Quick, Satan, do something! Cartman: Try this on for size. [inhales deeply] BLOOD-DRENCHED FROZEN TAMPON POPSICLE! [Attacks Saddam Hussein more] Saddam Hussein: Hey, buddy! I know I was mean before, but don't worry; I can change! Satan: [in shock] Oh! Cartman: Okay. [Saddam Hussein smiles evilly, people gasp in horror] Not! [takes a deep breath] FUCK, SHIT, COCK, ASS, TITTIES, BONER, BITCH, MUFF, PUSSY, CUNT, BUTTHOLE, BARBRA STREISAND!!!!!!!!! [shoots electricity at Saddam Hussein, who is flown into a rock and severely electrocuted] Saddam Hussein: [howls in pain, but amid the howls as Satan is horrified] Relax, guy! [To Satan] What are you waiting for, bitch? Destroy him! [Cartman gets startled, then Satan looks back at Saddam in confusion] Come on, you weak, stupid cum-bucket! Save me! Satan: [enraged] THAT'S IT!!!!! [Picks up Saddam Hussein] I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU!!!!! [He throws Saddam Hussein back into Hell] Saddam Hussein: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! HEY, GUY! RELAAAAAAAAX!!!! [Saddam Hussein is impaled on a spiky rock, then he sighs in agony and he dies] [last line; in the post-credits scene] Ike: [sees the mouse in the attic] Guys out there is "hurted." [eats the mouse.] Taglines All Hell Breaks Loose Uh oh. It's not just another day in the park. Uh-Oh, The Critics Love It! Cast Trey Parker – Eric Cartman/Stan Marsh/Mr. Garrison/Mr. Mackey/Randy Marsh/Ned Gerblanski/Army General/Bombadiers/Canadian Ambassador/Theatre Clerk/Phillip/Satan Matt Stone – Kyle Broflovski/Kenny McCormick/Saddam Hussein/Gerald Broflovski/Bill Gates/Jimbo Kearn/Terrance Mary Kay Bergman – Liane Cartman/Sheila Broflovski/Sharon Marsh/Wendy Testaburger/Clitoris J.B. Smoove - Gregory Isaac Hayes – Chef (voice) Jesse Howell – Ike Broflovski (voice) Anthony Cross-Thomas – Ike Broflovski (voice) Franchesca Clifford – Ike Broflovski (voice) Jennifer Howell – Bebe Stevens (voice) George Clooney – Dr. Gouache/Dr. Doctor (voice) Brent Spiner – Conan O'Brien (voice) Minnie Driver – Brooke Shields (voice) Dave Foley – The Baldwin Brothers (voice) Eric Idle – Dr. Vosknocker (voice) External links 0158983 South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut south_park_bigger_longer_and_uncut South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut Category:1999 American animated films Category:1999 American adult animated films [[Category:Films directed by Trey Parker] Category:American adult animated films Category:Traditionally animated films Category:American computer-animated films Category:Adult animated comedy films Category:Adult animated musical films Category:Animated satirical films‎ Category:The Devil in films Category:Angel films Category:Films about Nazis Category:Apocalyptic films Category:South Park Category:Films based on adult animated television series Category:Films about children Category:Musical films Category:Films about World War III Category:Films set in Colorado Category:Film controversies Category:Heaven and hell films Category:Animated films about death