Abbott Elementary season 3

Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 | Main Abbott Elementary (2021–present) is an American mockumentary school comedy, airing on ABC, about a group of teachers brought together in one of the worst public schools in the country, simply because they love teaching. Career Day, Part 1 [3.01] Barbara: They're not all bad. Jacob: I think they're cool. Ava: Mnh. Gregory: I actually like them this year. Melissa: Shocking. Ava: I don't know. I feel like they've been unequivocally and universally worse than they've ever been. From unhelpful to unbearable. Janine: Good morning, Abbott Elementary! Barbara: Ava! Your needed in the gym! Melissa: Yeah, there's a bunch of teachers in there saying Princeton's better than Harvard. Ava: OH HELL NO! [Ava runs out of the office.] Melissa: Okay, we have like two minutes so can you please fill us in on the rest of this genius plan? Barbara: Ava said she stopped listening to the Town Women. Gregory: City Girls. Barbara: But I know there's one song she cannot resist. Jacob, whip out the Walkman. Jacob: Phone. Barbara: Open up Napster. Jacob: Spotify. Barbara: Jesus, close your ears. Come on. [Ava runs into the gym.] Ava: Princeton is the Temple University of the Ivies! Barbara: Now Mr. Johnson! Mr. Johnson: Let go of your butts! [The lights turn on and Juvenile's "Back That Azz Up" starts playing with Ava dancing] Career Day, Part 2 [3.02] Melissa: Yeah. Okay, class, uh... Ms. Schemmenti's gonna step outside for a sec. Guys, watch 'em, okay? Janine: Oh, you guys don't have to do that. Jalen Hurts: Heads down, thumbs up. Time to play seven up! Janine: They actually listened. Have you ever considered teaching? Jalen Hurts: Uh... y'all hiring? I mostly work on Sundays. Gregory's Garden Goofballs [3.03] Barbara: Good morning. Good morning. (Gasps) Good morning. Tariq: Good morning Mrs. Howard. Barbara: Tariq. Tariq: Huh? Barbara: What are you doing here? Janine's down at the district now. Tariq: Dang, she moved to D.C.? Barbara: And take your presumably sticky hands off of my student. Tariq: You mean take my definitely sticky hands off of my son. Barbara: To quote Maury Povich, you are not the father. Tariq: And to quote the hip-hop legend Shaquille O'Neal, his biological didn't bother. See, I've been dating his mama for like seven weeks, so technically, I'm a stepdaddy right now. Ain't that right, Tariq Jr.? Smoking [3.04] Melissa: Mm. Melissa and Captain Robinson: Childhood. Captain Robinson: Nah, but this is a real problem. Gregory: Mm-hmm. Janine: Yeah. Melissa: Oh, yeah, absolutely. Where did you even get a cigarette? Ava: Yeah, what you, a French child? Curtis: The guy around the corner sold it to me for a dollar. Ava: A dollar? Inflation is crazy. But you are in big trouble, because cigarettes are banned. Curtis: Not on any of the signs I saw. Jacob: What? Kid 1: It just seems like most drugs aren't that bad. Caroline: Fine, you can smoke a little! Just don't do opioids. [Everyone shakes their head in disagreement] Kid 1: My grandfather is on opioids. Caroline: Drugs from a doctor are okay. Kid 2: My mom's on Valtrex. Caroline: That's fine, your mom has herpes. Everyone: HEY! Ava: Lady, are you high?! Breakup [3.05] Mr. Johnson: We used to be the Three Musketeers. But now I'm one musketeer, and they're just two, that don't invite me to things. Ava: Ooh, ooh. Willard R. Abbott [3.06] Jacob: Look, guys, I don't know. She just said she's dropping by with a special surprise. Melissa: Yeah. Plus this is Philly. I mean, you can't hock a loogie without hitting something historic around here. Librarian [3.07] Barbara: I just don't feel good about you giving out your address to strangers online. It's not safe. Barbara: You and Jacob living together is I know it's God's will, but he's gotten awfully creative. Panel [3.08] Barbara: Give me the ball. Three, four, five. And shoot! Tariq: Alright. Well, uh, that's gonna bring Abbott's score to a negative-2 at the bottom of the first, y'all. Educator of the year, folks. Ugh. We are not just losing. We are getting smoked. You cannot lose a panel. This is like every other panel that's ever existed. Alex [3.09] Janine: As you all know, my fellowship at the district is coming to an end. Ava: Ooh, girl, don't remind me. My doomsday countdown clock is set to the day that you're back. Janine: Stop. Gregory: You know, we make a really good team. Janine: Yeah, we do. 2 Ava 2 Fest [3.10] Ava: We all know the real reason you came back is to see Questlove. Janine: Ava, Questlove is not coming here. Ava: Ava Fest, on the other hand, is going to be special. I just have to come up with a way to take it over the top. A way to make it unhinged. Melissa: Have you ever tried just being hinged? Emily: There will be cake, there will be fun. Simon: There will be blood oaths! Double Date [3.11] Ava: I have an exciting announcement, Abbott. Today is the long-anticipated return of one of our faves, cinnamon buns in the cafeteria. Students: Good morning. Janine: Hey, Alex. Barbara: Book club was Ava's idea. Mother's Day [3.12] Man: Make some noise! Vanetta: Hey, girl. Mr. Johnson: Barbers. I hate 'em. Who do you think did this to me? Smith Playground [3.13] Melissa: Look at 'em. Those Liberty kids keep cutting our kids in line. Jacob: She was being rude. I get it now. Party [3.14] Ava: Last but not least. Janine: Where is it?! Barbara: I am the captain now! Category:Abbott Elementary seasons